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|Row 5 title = Website
 
|Row 5 title = Website
 
|Row 5 info = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB1gGUKK7jg
 
|Row 5 info = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB1gGUKK7jg
}}
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}}'''Todd:''' Can't touch this!
'''Todd:''' Can't touch this!
 
   
''(Video for MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This" is shown)''
+
:''Video for MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This"''
   
 
'''Todd: '''Can't touch this!
 
'''Todd: '''Can't touch this!
   
'''MC Hammer:''' My, my, my, MY music...
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' My, my, my, MY music...
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' If you weren't there, you can't possibly understand how big MC Hammer was. I was a kid, and Hammer was probably the first rapper I knew, but also just like, one of the first celebrities I knew, period, even though I wasn't allowed to listen to rap music.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' If you weren't there, you can't possibly understand how big MC Hammer was. I was a kid, and Hammer was probably the first rapper I knew, but also just like, one of the first celebrities I knew, period, even though I wasn't allowed to listen to rap music.
   
 
'''Todd: '''He had a level of fame and saturation that I don't think is even possible today.
 
'''Todd: '''He had a level of fame and saturation that I don't think is even possible today.
   
''(Video for MC Hammer's "2 Legit 2 Quit" is shown)''
+
:''Clip of "2 Legit 2 Quit"''
  +
:'''Singers: '''2 legit/2 legit 2 quit!
   
'''Singers: '''2 legit/2 legit 2 quit!
+
'''Todd (VO):''' He modeled his approach to showbiz on Michael Jackson. He wanted to be rap's "King of Pop," and arguably he succeeded.
 
'''Todd (V/O):''' He modeled his approach to showbiz on Michael Jackson. He wanted to be rap's 'King of Pop', and arguably he succeeded.
 
   
 
'''Todd: '''But it sure did not last.
 
'''Todd: '''But it sure did not last.
   
(''Famous clip from infamous Behind the Music episode of MC Hammer is shown)''
+
:''Clip from infamous ''Behind the Music'' episode of MC Hammer''
  +
:'''Oprah:''' Isn't it true that you have 2,000 outfits?!
  +
:'''MC Hammer:''' Uh yes. Yes it is.
   
'''Oprah:''' Isn't it true that you have 2,000 outfits?!
+
'''Todd (VO):''' The collapse of the MC Hammer empire is pop culture legend at this point. He might honestly be more famous today for his issues with bankruptcy than for any of his songs, because the man could just not quit spending.
   
'''MC Hammer:''' Uh yes. Yes it is.
+
'''Todd:''' He was "2 Legit 2 Quit" spending.
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' The collapse of the MC Hammer empire is pop culture legend at this point. He might honestly be more famous today for his issues with bankruptcy than for any of his songs, because the man could just not quit spending.
+
:''Clip of recent MC Hammer commercial parodying his financial rise and fall''
   
'''Todd:''' He was '2 Legit 2 Quit' spending.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' He managed to lose every last dollar he had, and several million that he didn't through a combination of extreme generosity and equally extreme self-indulgence.
 
(''Clip of recent MC Hammer commercial parodying his financial rise and fall is shown)''
 
 
'''Todd (V/O):''' He managed to lose every last dollar he had, and several million that he didn't through a combination of extreme generosity and equally extreme self-indulgence.
 
   
 
'''Todd:''' But of course that's only half the story. You see, the best way to not lose all your money is to [image of...] keep making money. But Hammer was unable to sustain his career because he suddenly became very, ''very'' uncool.
 
'''Todd:''' But of course that's only half the story. You see, the best way to not lose all your money is to [image of...] keep making money. But Hammer was unable to sustain his career because he suddenly became very, ''very'' uncool.
   
(''Clip of MC Hammer performing in concert during his heyday is shown)''
+
:''Clip of MC Hammer performing in concert during his heyday''
  +
:'''Singer:''' Go! Go! Go! Go!
   
'''Singer:''' Go! Go! Go! Go!
+
''Clips of Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg - "Nuthin' But a G Thang"; 3rd Bass - "Gas Face"; and Ice Cube's "Be True to the Game", the latter clips mocking MC Hammer''
   
''(Clips of Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg's "Nuthin' But a G Thang", 3rd Bass' "Gas Face" and Ice Cube's "Be True to the Game", the latter clips mocking MC Hammer are shown)''
+
'''Todd (VO): '''Modeling your career on Michael Jackson might have seemed like a good idea in 1990, but by 1993, no one would want to be Michael Jackson, in more ways than one. Once gangsta rap took over, overnight it was 187 on Hammer's entire image. He was getting attacked on all fronts: As soft, as a sellout, as a corny dancing buffoon in a stupid outfit.
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''Modeling your career on Michael Jackson might have seemed like a good idea in 1990, but by 1993 no one would want to be Michael Jackson, in more ways than one. Once gangsta rap took over, overnight it was 1-8-7 on Hammer's entire image. He was getting attacked on all fronts: As soft, as a sellout, as a corny dancing buffoon in a stupid outfit.
 
   
 
'''Todd:''' But there was one last-ditch effort to keep Hammer time from running out. And give him credit, he did try to change with the times.
 
'''Todd:''' But there was one last-ditch effort to keep Hammer time from running out. And give him credit, he did try to change with the times.
   
''(Back to video to "U Can't Touch This")''
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' Now why would I ever stop doing this?
+
:''[Static sounds]''
'''MC Hammer:''' Now why would I ever stop doing this?
 
 
[Static sounds]
 
 
''(Video of 2nd clip of "Pumps And a Bump" and clips of Rap City interview and Arsenio Hall performance are shown)''
 
 
'''MC Hammer:''' Give me the girls with the pumps and a bump!/Just when I thought did I hit another soft spot...
 
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' Yup, Hammer went ''hardcore''. No more cartoon shows or Taco Bell commercials. With his 1994 album, "The Funky Headhunter"... Hammer was out to prove that he was the hardest thug in the hood.
+
:''2nd clip of "Pumps And a Bump" and clips of Rap City interview and Arsenio Hall performance''
  +
:'''MC Hammer:''' Give me the girls with the pumps and a bump!
  +
:Just when I thought did I hit another soft spot...
   
'''MC Hammer:''' Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump...
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Yup, Hammer went ''hardcore''. No more cartoon shows or Taco Bell commercials. With his 1994 album, ''The Funky Headhunter''... Hammer was out to prove that he was the hardest thug in the hood.
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' Yep, that...
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump...
   
'''Todd: '''...actually happened. This is Trainwreckords.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Yep, that...
   
''(Trainwreckords intro, followed by album cover for The Funky Headhunter)''
+
'''Todd:''' ...actually happened. This is Trainwreckords.
   
''(Clip of MC Hammer performing "Don't Stop" on the Arsenio Hall Show)''
+
''Trainwreckords intro, followed by album cover for ''The Funky Headhunter
   
'''Singers:''' Tick tock, ya don't stop/that OG funk, that's what it is...
+
:''Clip of MC Hammer performing "Don't Stop" on ''The Arsenio Hall Show
  +
:'''Singers:''' Tick tock, ya don't stop
  +
:That OG funk, that's what it is...
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' The reason "The Funky Headhunter" didn't do well is... It's kind of too obvious to even say.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' The reason ''The Funky Headhunter'' didn't do well is... It's kind of too obvious to even say.
   
 
'''Todd:''' I can can give it to you in one sentence: Hammer isn't a gangsta, the end.
 
'''Todd:''' I can can give it to you in one sentence: Hammer isn't a gangsta, the end.
   
''(Clip of a 1994 interview of BBC's The Word featuring an embarrassed MC Hammer and host Mark Lamarr wearing "Hammer Pants" and dancing erratically is shown)''
+
:''Clip of a 1994 interview of BBC's ''The Word'' featuring an embarrassed MC Hammer and host Mark Lamarr wearing "Hammer Pants" and dancing erratically''
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''I've watched a bunch of interviews with Hammer from around that time and it is so obvious. No one is buying it.
+
'''Todd (VO): '''I've watched a bunch of interviews with Hammer from around that time and it is so obvious. No one is buying it.
   
''(Clip of BET's Rap City is shown)''
+
:''Clip of BET's ''Rap City is shown
  +
:'''Veejay:''' He's got a new album out and a new image. Gone are the days of the old Hammer. He now considers himself an OG.
   
'''Veejay:''' He's got a new album out and a new image. Gone are the days of the old Hammer. He now considers himself an OG.
+
'''Todd:''' Like look at this guy. He can't even pretend.
   
'''Todd: '''Like look at this guy. He can't even pretend.
+
:'''Veejay:''' He now considers himself...
   
'''Veejay:''' He now considers himself...
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' And by "he," he mean ''only'' he now considers himself...
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' And by he, he mean ''only'' he now considers himself...
+
'''Veejay:''' ...an OG.
   
'''Veejay: '''...an OG.
+
:''Clip of "It's All Good" performance on MTV''
   
(''Clip of MC Hammer performing "It's All Good" on MTV is shown)''
+
'''Todd (VO):''' I mean the big difference was that he started dressing differently. A stocking cap and a baggy Falcons jersey doesn't make you a gangster any more than it makes you a member of ''[image of an Atlanta Falcons player]'' the Atlanta Falcons. And he didn't ease into it either. It was just, BAM, thugged out.
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' I mean the big difference was that he started dressing differently. A stocking cap and a baggy Falcons jersey doesn't make you a gangster any more than it makes you a member of ''(image of an Atlanta Falcons player)'' the Atlanta Falcons. And he didn't ease into it either. It was just, BAM, thugged out.
+
'''Todd: '''It made about as much sense as if I, Todd, suddenly decided I'm not a YouTuber music critic anymore. I'm now a... ''[image of the United States Congress]'' United States Senator! Look at me, everyone! I'm now ''[image of...]'' Ronald Johnson, the senior senator serving the great state of Wisconsin! I transparently am not! No one is going to believe that.
   
'''Todd: '''It made about as much sense as if I, Todd, suddenly decided I'm not a YouTuber music critic anymore. I'm now a... ''(image of the United States Congress)'' United States Senator! Look at me, everyone! I'm now ''(image of...)'' Ronald Johnson, the senior senator serving the great state of Wisconsin! I transparently am not! No one is going to believe that.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Listen to this intro.
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' Listen to this intro.
+
:''Intro from ''The Funky Headhunter'' playing featuring a smooth-voiced narrator''
  +
:'''Narrator:''' It's in this space that dwells one of the truest of macks, a street soldier definitely on a mission...
   
''[Intro from The Funky Headhunter playing featuring a smooth-voiced narrator]''
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' ''[image of bullshit detector]'' None of that is true!
   
'''Narrator:''' It's in this space that dwells one of the truest of macks, a street soldier definitely on a mission...
+
'''Todd:''' But why is it not true?
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''[image of bullshit detector] None of that is true!
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' Look, Hammer is not the only rapper who had to fight to establish cred after getting called 'soft'. It's not impossible to turn that around. ''[clips of...]'' LL Cool J pulled it off before him. Drake pulled it off after him. Hammer didn't half-ass it either. He tried as hard as he could. Why didn't it work for him?
   
'''Todd: '''But why is it not true?
+
'''Todd:''' Well the big reason is, and bear with me here, Hammer wasn't good to begin with.
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' Look, Hammer is not the only rapper who had to fight to establish cred after getting called 'soft'. It's not impossible to turn that around. ''(clips of the following rappers)'' LL Cool J pulled it off before him. Drake pulled it off after him. ''(clip of MC Hammer's "It's All Good" is shown)'' Hammer didn't half-ass it either. He tried as hard as he could. Why didn't it work for him?
+
:''Video for "(Hammer, Hammer) They Put Me in the Mix"''
 
'''Todd:''' Well the big reason is, and bear with me here, Hammer wasn't good to begin with.
 
   
''(Video to "(Hammer, Hammer) They Put Me in the Mix" is shown)''
+
'''Todd (VO): '''Now this isn't a perfect comparison 'cause Hammer was such a big personality, but he was kind of the Flo Rida of the '90s...
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Now this isn't a perfect comparison 'cause Hammer was such a big personality, but he was kind of the Flo Rida of the '90s...
+
'''Todd:''' Big hooks, but completely forgettable lyrics.
   
'''Todd: '''Big hooks, but completely forgettable lyrics.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Hammer had hit after hit, but except for "U Can't Touch This," no one knows a single line from any of 'em.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Hammer had hit after hit, but except for 'U Can't Touch This', no one knows a single line from any of 'em.
+
'''Todd:''' And you know me, "pop" is not a bad word to me.
   
'''Todd: '''And you know me, 'pop' is not a bad word to me.
+
:''[Clip of...]''
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''''(clip of aforementioned video) ''I know all the words to 'Good Vibrations' by Marky Mark.
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' I know all the words to "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark.
   
 
'''Todd:''' But Hammer just wasn't that interesting.
 
'''Todd:''' But Hammer just wasn't that interesting.
   
''(clip of MC Hammer performing Let's Get It Started)''
+
:''Clip of MC Hammer performing "Let's Get It Started"''
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Sure he was flashy, but as far as lyrical skills go, he's about the same level of rapper as ''(clip of...)'' Parappa the Rapper.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Sure he was flashy, but as far as lyrical skills go, he's about the same level of rapper as ''[clip of...]'' Parappa the Rapper.
   
 
'''Todd:''' Which is not to say Hammer had no skills as an entertainer.
 
'''Todd:''' Which is not to say Hammer had no skills as an entertainer.
   
''(Clip of MC Hammer performing at the 1990 MTV Video Music Awards is shown)''
+
:''Clip of MC Hammer performing at the 1990 MTV Video Music Awards''
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' He was a great hype man, he was a consummate showman, he loved entertaining, and the dude could dance like nobody.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' He was a great hype man, he was a consummate showman, he loved entertaining, and the dude could dance like nobody.
   
 
'''Todd: '''But hype and live shows aren't real high priorities to gangsta rap.
 
'''Todd: '''But hype and live shows aren't real high priorities to gangsta rap.
   
''(Video of "Hip Hop Hooray" by Naughty by Nature is shown)''
+
:''Clip of Naughty by Nature - "Hip Hop Hooray"''
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' What matters is lyrics, and flow, and the ability to project realness: the exact opposite of Hammer's strengths, so a change of pants wasn't gonna do it.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' What matters is lyrics, and flow, and the ability to project realness: the exact opposite of Hammer's strengths, so a change of pants wasn't gonna do it.
   
 
'''Todd:''' None of this came naturally to Hammer, even the name of the album is off.
 
'''Todd:''' None of this came naturally to Hammer, even the name of the album is off.
Line 140: Line 140:
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''''The Funky Headhunter''.
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''''The Funky Headhunter''.
   
''(Audio of "The Funky Headhunter" playing over the cassette back cover image of the album)''
+
:''Audio of "The Funky Headhunter" playing over the cassette back cover image of the album''
   
 
'''Hammer:''' The funky headhunter!
 
'''Hammer:''' The funky headhunter!
   
'''Todd: '''Not only does that not sound gangsta, it doesn't even sound '90s. It sounds like a super old school lyric from like a ''(clip of...)'' Sugar Hill Gang song or something.
+
'''Todd:''' Not only does that not sound gangsta, it doesn't even sound '90s. It sounds like a super old school lyric from like a ''[clip of...]'' Sugar Hill Gang song or something.
   
'''Todd: '''Here are titles from some actual gangsta rap albums from that era [images of...]:
+
'''Todd:''' Here are titles from some actual gangsta rap albums from that era ''[images of...]'': ''Doggystyle'', ''Ready to Die'', ''Bacdafucup'', ''Lethal Injection''. And meanwhile, here is Hammer like ''[image of MC Hammer from his heyday]'' "I'm the funky headhunter, y'all! I'm about to get busy! Clap your hands, everybody!"
   
''Doggystyle''
+
:''Video for"Pumps and a Bump"''
   
''Ready to Die''
+
'''Todd (VO): '''But let's look at the song that introduced the world to hardcore Hammer: "Pumps and a Bump."
   
''Bacdafucup''
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump
  +
:We like the girls with the pumps and a bump
  +
:''[Todd dances in his seat]''
  +
:Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump
  +
:Give me the girls with the pumps and a bump
  +
:Just when I thought did I hit another soft spot...
   
''Lethal Injection''
+
'''Todd (VO): '''Now "Pumps and a Bump" is, in the grand hip-hop tradition, a song about ass. It's honestly, maybe, not the worst idea. Hammer wasn't gonna sell a song about killing cops but ''[clip of Wreckz-N-Effect - "Rump Shaker"]'' booty anthems, that was still a proven seller in hip-hop. It's not specifically gangsta...
   
'''Todd: '''And meanwhile, here is Hammer like ''(image of MC Hammer from his heyday)'' "I'm the funky headhunter, y'all! I'm about to get busy! ''(back to Todd)'' Clap your hands, everybody!"
+
'''Todd:''' ...but it's something a gangsta rapper could've conceivably released.
   
''(Video to 1st clip of "Pumps and a Bump" starts)''
+
'''Todd (VO):''' So it would be gangsta without it being gangsta.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''But let's look at the song that introduced the world to hardcore Hammer: "Pumps and a Bump".
+
'''Todd:''' I think it was a smart move.
   
'''MC Hammer:''' Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump, we like the girls with the pumps and a bump ''(Todd dances in his seat)'', pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump, give me the girls with the pumps and a bump/Just when I thought did I hit another soft spot...
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' We go the pumps and bumps!
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Now "Pumps and a Bump" is, in the grand hip-hop tradition, a song about ass. It's honestly, maybe, not the worst idea. Hammer wasn't gonna sell a song about killing cops but ''(clip of "Rump Shaker" by Wreckz-N-Effect)'' booty anthems, that was still a proven seller in hip-hop. It's not specifically gangsta...
+
'''Todd:''' ''[beat]'' Okay, so here's the problem...
   
'''Todd: '''...but it's something a gangsta rapper could've conceivably released.
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump...
   
''(Back to 1st video of "Pumps and a Bump")''
+
'''Todd (VO):''' First off, calling a big butt a "bump", now maybe I'm misremembering the '90s, but I'm pretty sure that didn't catch on. It's better than humps or lumps, which we got ten years later, but...
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''So it would be gangsta without it being gangsta.
+
'''Todd:''' Bump? I don't know, when I hear "bump," I think ''[image of...]'' oral herpes.
   
'''Todd: '''I think it was a smart move.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' And also, there is one major "bump" everyone was talking about after the video and it was not any girl's butts. ''[clips of Hammer in the thong]'' Nice bulge, Hammer. Yeah, ''right'' at the camera. Make it like it's going ''through'' the screen. ''Right'' into people's living rooms. ''[close up of the thong]'' Why it's almost like I ''can'' touch this.
   
'''MC''' '''Hammer:''' We go the pumps and bumps!
+
'''Todd:''' Yeah, ''yeah'', that's a lot of Hammer all at once.
   
'''Todd:''' ''[beat]'' Okay, so here's the problem...
+
'''Todd (VO):''' ''(clips of Justin Bieber - "[[What Do You Mean? vs. Stitches|What Do You Mean?]]" and Miley Cyrus - "[[Wrecking Ball]]" '' And you may remember this move from other family-friendly stars trying to change their image but usually this only works for teenagers moving into adulthood so that they could demonstrate that they're reaching sexual maturity alongside their audience, and of course, various middle-aged pervs get to enjoy it too.
   
'''MC''' '''Hammer:''' Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump...
+
:''Clips of Hammerman and Hammer's doll commercials''
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''First off, calling a big butt a "bump", now maybe I'm misremembering the '90s but I'm pretty sure that didn't catch on. It's better than humps or lumps, which we got 10 years later, but...
+
Hammer, meanwhile, was much ''older'' than his audience of little kids. So him waving his dick and like "oh check me out, I'm growing into my sexuality." It's more like being flashed by your ''[image of a Boy Scout youth counselor]'' youth counselor.
   
'''Todd: '''Bump? I don't know, when I hear "bump", I think ''(image of...)'' oral herpes.
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' Get the pumps and a bump.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''And also, there is one major "bump" everyone was talking about after the video and it was not any girl's butts. ''(clips of Hammer in the thong)'' Nice bulge, Hammer. Yeah, ''right'' at the camera. Make it like it's going ''through'' the screen. ''Right'' into people's living rooms. ''(close up of the thong)'' Why it's almost like I ''can'' touch this.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Please, Hammer... ''[image of scared kids] don't hurt 'em''.
   
'''Todd: '''Yeah, ''yeah'', that's a lot of Hammer all at once.
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' This video actually was too hot for MTV and they had to change to this ''[clip of...]'' alternate version. Probably for the best.
 
'''Todd (V/O):''' ''(music videos of Justin Bieber's What Do You Mean and Miley Cyrus' Wrecking Ball are shown)''''' '''And you may remember this move from other family-friendly stars trying to change their image but usually this only works for teenagers moving into adulthood. So that they could demonstrate that they're reaching sexual maturity alongside their audience and of course, various middle-aged pervs get to enjoy it too.
 
 
(''Clips of Hammerman and Hammer's doll commercials)'' Hammer, meanwhile, was much ''older'' than his audience of little kids. ''(back to Pumps and a Bump)'' So him waving his dick and like "oh check me out, I'm growing into my sexuality." It's more like being flashed by your ''(image of a Boy Scout youth counselor)'' youth counselor.
 
 
'''MC Hammer:''' Get the pumps and a bump.
 
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''Please, Hammer... ''(image of scared kids)'' ''don't hurt 'em''.
 
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''This video actually was too hot for MTV and they had to change to this (''clip of 2nd video with a more clothed Hammer)'' alternate version. Probably for the best.
 
   
 
'''Todd:''' And here's the thing: I think the actual song is actually kinda good. In fact, it's probably my favorite Hammer song.
 
'''Todd:''' And here's the thing: I think the actual song is actually kinda good. In fact, it's probably my favorite Hammer song.
   
'''MC''' '''Hammer:''' I don't like 'em stiggity fat! (No!)/I like 'em stiggity stacked (yeah!)/You wiggity wiggity wack if you ain't got biggity back (aw!)
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' I don't like 'em stiggity fat! (No!)
  +
:I like 'em stiggity stacked (yeah!)
  +
:You wiggity wiggity wack if you ain't got biggity back (aw!)
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''And even the whole album is, in a lot of ways, a lot better than his first few.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' And even the whole album is, in a lot of ways, a lot better than his first few.
   
'''Todd: '''Hammer's flow is way tighter.
+
'''Todd:''' Hammer's flow is way tighter.
   
'''MC Hammer:''' 'Cause I come equipped, read my lips, baby/You can slippity slip out ya clothes and take a trip
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' 'Cause I come equipped, read my lips, baby
  +
:You can slippity slip out ya clothes and take a trip
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''And his beats are a lot better too.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' And his beats are a lot better too.
   
'''Female singers:''' All that we want...
+
:'''Female singers:''' All that we want...
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' He recruited all of the hottest producers of the time. And I don't know, maybe I just never mentally aged past the mid-'90s but that '90s G-Funk synth and bass still does it for me way more than anything else ever will.
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' He recruited all of the hottest producers of the time. And I don't know, maybe I just never mentally aged past the mid-'90s, but that '90s G-Funk synth and bass still does it for me way more than anything else ever will.
   
 
'''Todd:''' So you know, "Pumps and a Bump" is OK.
 
'''Todd:''' So you know, "Pumps and a Bump" is OK.
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' And even at the time, I remember it being decently big. Even got a shout out from Fifth Harmony last year.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' And even at the time, I remember it being decently big. Even got a shout out from Fifth Harmony last year.
   
''(Video to Fifth Harmony's He Like That is shown)''
+
''Clip of Fifth Harmony - "He Like That"''
+
:'''Normani Kordei:''' Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump
'''Normani Kordei:''' Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump/I be that girl with the pumps and a bump...
+
:I be that girl with the pumps and a bump...
   
 
'''Todd:''' Cannot believe that happened.
 
'''Todd:''' Cannot believe that happened.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''But while it did get decent airplay, it sure wasn't "U Can't Touch This" big. One single does not a comeback make.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' But while it did get decent airplay, it sure wasn't "U Can't Touch This" big. One single does not a comeback make.
 
'''Todd: '''And the flaws in Hammer's new approach became especially evident in the second single, "It's All Good".
 
   
''(Video to "It's All Good" is shown)''
+
'''Todd:''' And the flaws in Hammer's new approach became especially evident in the second single, "It's All Good".
   
'''MC Hammer and singers:''' Hey!/It's all good!/It's all good!/Y'all ready for this? (Uh-huh!)
+
:''Video for "It's All Good"''
  +
:'''MC Hammer and singers:''' Hey!
  +
:It's all good!
  +
:It's all good!
  +
:Y'all ready for this? (Uh-huh!)
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''OK, the first problem with "It's All Good" is that it's a diss track. You don't name a diss track "It's All Good". (''clip of...)'' Now this song is actually aimed at Redman. Apparently Redman had been taking some shots at him.
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' Okay, the first problem with "It's All Good" is that it's a diss track. You don't name a diss track "It's All Good". ''[Clip of...]'' Now this song is actually aimed at Redman. Apparently Redman had been taking some shots at him.
   
'''MC Hammer: '''Now this ain't the name calling game/see, I can refrain from using names to get fame...
+
:'''MC Hammer: '''Now this ain't the name calling game
  +
:See, I can refrain from using names to get fame...
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' Yes he's not gonna name names even though he totally does at the end.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Yes, he's not gonna name names even though he totally does at the end.
   
'''MC Hammer: '''Talkin' about my mama's where I draw the line Redman...
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' Talkin' about my mama's where I draw the line Redman...
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''But listening to the chorus, you think that Hammer was trying to squash the feud and make nice.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' But listening to the chorus, you think that Hammer was trying to squash the feud and make nice.
   
'''MC''' '''Hammer:''' 'Cause it's all good! (hey!)
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' 'Cause it's all good! (hey!)
   
 
'''Todd: '''Secondly...
 
'''Todd: '''Secondly...
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Hammer still danced... a lot.
+
'''Todd (VO): '''Hammer still danced... a lot.
   
''[clip of MTV performance]''
+
:''Clip of MTV performance''
  +
:'''MC Hammer:''' ''[while dancing]'' It's all good...
   
'''MC Hammer:''' ''[while dancing]'' It's all good...
+
'''Todd (VO):''' A ''lot''. I mean it was his primary skill, he had to. Of course he did make sure to dance like a gangsta, you know there's a lot more stomping involved, he made sure to keep that goofy grin off his face, but still it exposes the lie pretty clearly...
 
'''Todd (V/O):''' A ''lot''. I mean it was his primary skill, he had to. Of course he did make sure to dance like a gangsta, you know there's a lot more stomping involved, he made sure to keep that goofy grin off his face, but still it exposes the lie pretty clearly...
 
   
 
'''Todd:''' ...the way you dance like a gangsta is you don't dance.
 
'''Todd:''' ...the way you dance like a gangsta is you don't dance.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''It made his entire hardcore pose look like just choreography. He treated it like dance steps that he learned and performed. Now say what you want about the thong in "Pumps And a Bump" but this video is the real embarrassment to me.
+
'''Todd (VO): '''It made his entire hardcore pose look like just choreography. He treated it like dance steps that he learned and performed. Now say what you want about the thong in "Pumps And a Bump" but this video is the real embarrassment to me.
   
(''clip of MC Hammer grimacing while grabbing his hands)''
+
:''Clip of MC Hammer grimacing while grabbing his hands''
   
'''Todd:''' (''imitating MC Hammer's grimacing)'' "GRR!"
+
'''Todd:''' ''[imitating MC Hammer's grimacing]'' "GRR!"
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''"I'm a toughie!"
+
'''Todd (VO):''' "I'm a toughie!"
   
 
'''Todd:''' The lyrics don't really sell it either.
 
'''Todd:''' The lyrics don't really sell it either.
   
'''MC Hammer:''' I thought you knew and boy you still can't touch this
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' I thought you knew and boy you still can't touch this
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' There's a lot of callbacks to his previous singles.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' There's a lot of callbacks to his previous singles.
   
'''MC Hammer:''' Homeboy you better pray just to make it today/they put me in the mix, too legit to quit
+
'''MC Hammer:''' Homeboy, you better pray just to make it today
  +
:They put me in the mix, too legit to quit
   
 
'''Todd:''' Yeah, you know the songs that he's trying to make people forget?
 
'''Todd:''' Yeah, you know the songs that he's trying to make people forget?
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' I think he's trying to re-contextualize his old hits into his new image, but it does not work. ''(back to clips of...)'' LL Cool J and Drake already had hard songs in their past that they can call back on when they need to reestablish their cred. ''(video to MC Hammer's "Pray" is shown)'' Hammer didn't have that. He had nothing. So these callbacks are actively undermining it.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' I think he's trying to re-contextualize his old hits into his new image, but it does not work. ''(more clips of...)'' LL Cool J and Drake already had hard songs in their past that they can call back on when they need to reestablish their cred. ''[clip of "Pray"]'' Hammer didn't have that. He had nothing. So these callbacks are actively undermining it.
   
'''Todd: '''It's just reminding people that this guy...
+
'''Todd:''' It's just reminding people that this guy...
   
'''MC Hammer:''' You wanna beat the G, I beat you like hizzos/in the backseat of my caddy, you'll be callin' Hammer daddy
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' You wanna beat the G, I beat you like hizzos
  +
:In the backseat of my caddy, you'll be callin' Hammer daddy
   
 
'''Todd:''' ...is actually this guy.
 
'''Todd:''' ...is actually this guy.
   
(''clip of MC Hammer dropping to the ground with his parachute pants in Taco Bell commercial)''
+
:''Clip of MC Hammer dropping to the ground with his parachute pants in Taco Bell commercial''
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' Yo sweetness!
'''MC Hammer:''' (sings) Yo sweetness!
+
:Now that's the way the Hammer runs for the border.
 
'''MC Hammer: '''Now that's the way the Hammer runs for the border.
 
   
 
'''Todd:''' The need to sell how hard he is is a ''big'' problem with the album.
 
'''Todd:''' The need to sell how hard he is is a ''big'' problem with the album.
   
(''Audio of MC Hammer singing "Something for the OG's" with the MTV clip)''
+
:''Audio of "Something for the OG's" with the MTV clip)''
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' It just never stops. Every other line uses the word "gangsta" or "G" or "OG".
+
'''Todd (VO):''' It just never stops. Every other line uses the word "gangsta" or "G" or "OG."
   
 
'''Todd:''' Some words I ''don't'' remember hearing were any profanities which, you know, is a pretty big tell.
 
'''Todd:''' Some words I ''don't'' remember hearing were any profanities which, you know, is a pretty big tell.
   
''(Audio of "Break 'Em Off Somethin' Proper" playing over Arsenio Hall performance)''
+
:''Audio of "Break 'Em Off Somethin' Proper" playing over ''Arsenio Hall'' performance)''
  +
:'''MC Hammer:''' King of rock? You ain't the king of sh--
  +
:'''Woman:''' Hammer!
   
'''MC Hammer:''' King of rock? You ain't the king of sh--
+
'''Todd (VO):''' There's not even the parental advisory sticker, I don't think.
   
'''Woman:''' Hammer!
+
:'''Male singers:''' That OG funk, that's what it is...
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' There's not even the parental advisory sticker, I don't think.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Also, I'm not sure if he knows that OG stands for original gangsta?
   
'''Male singers:''' That OG funk, that's what it is...
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' All about the true OG's
+
:Not gangstas with pants...
'''Todd (V/O):''' Also, I'm not sure if he knows that OG stands for original gangsta?
 
 
'''MC Hammer:''' All about the true OG's/not gangstas with pants...
 
   
 
'''Todd (V/O):''' MC Hammer wasn't a gangsta but he especially wasn't an ''original'' gangsta, he was not originally a gangsta and everyone knows that!
 
'''Todd (V/O):''' MC Hammer wasn't a gangsta but he especially wasn't an ''original'' gangsta, he was not originally a gangsta and everyone knows that!
Line 295: Line 295:
 
'''Todd:''' His other big move is to lean on his success to get respect.
 
'''Todd:''' His other big move is to lean on his success to get respect.
   
''(Back to video of "It's All Good")''
+
:''Back to "It's All Good"''
  +
:'''MC Hammer:''' (They thought you was a sellout)
  +
:I'm sellin' out tours 'cause sellin' CDs, I'm the one...
   
'''MC Hammer:''' (They thought you was a sellout)/I'm sellin' out tours 'cause sellin' CDs, I'm the one...
+
'''Todd (VO):''' You know, you know, "I made millions of dollars," as far as everyone knew at the time, he still had it...
 
'''Todd (V/O):''' You know, you know, "I made millions of dollars", as far as everyone knew at the time, he still had it...
 
   
 
'''Todd: '''...so there you go, "I'm rich, bitch."
 
'''Todd: '''...so there you go, "I'm rich, bitch."
   
''(Audio of MC Hammer's "The Funky Headhunter" over his Arsenio Hall performance)''
+
:''Audio of MC Hammer's "The Funky Headhunter" over his ''Arsenio Hall'' performance''
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' Suckers getting mad 'cause over 20 million sold
'''MC Hammer:''' Suckers getting mad 'cause over 20 million sold/and now they try to diss 'cause they can't get gold...
+
:And now they try to diss 'cause they can't get gold...
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''"I went gazillion times platinum, you have to respect the cash".
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' "I went gazillion times platinum, you have to respect the cash".
   
'''Todd: '''No! No! They did not have to respect that! In fact that's the whole reason they ''don't'' respect you!
+
'''Todd:''' No! No! They did not have to respect that! In fact that's the whole reason they ''don't'' respect you!
   
(''Clip of vintage KFC commercial featuring MC Hammer dancing for popcorn chicken)''
+
:''Clip of vintage KFC commercial featuring MC Hammer dancing for popcorn chicken''
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''I mean, yeah, you made a lot of money but that's because you're a pop doofus who dances for KFC.
+
'''Todd (VO): '''I mean, yeah, you made a lot of money, but that's because you're a pop doofus who dances for KFC.
   
'''Todd: '''But here's the real ironic thing: in real life, Hammer is serious as ''fuck''.
+
'''Todd:''' But here's the real ironic thing: in real life, Hammer is serious as ''fuck''.
   
(''Clips of MC Hammer being interviewed for Rap City and MC Serch discussing the time Hammer sent out gang members after him)''
+
:''Clips of MC Hammer being interviewed for ''Rap City'' and MC Serch discussing the time Hammer sent out gang members after him''
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''He may not have been a thug but he was from the streets and, because he was generous enough to employ his entire neighborhood, he had all sorts of gang connections and he was not afraid to use them. Many of the people who stepped to him have stories about coming close to death because they beefed with Hammer.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' He may not have been a thug, but he was from the streets, and because he was generous enough to employ his entire neighborhood, he had all sorts of gang connections and he was not afraid to use them. Many of the people who stepped to him have stories about coming close to death because they beefed with Hammer.
   
(''Video of "Don't Stop" is shown)''
+
:''Video for "Don't Stop"''
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''But he just couldn't make it come across. No matter how much bass he puts in his voice, it doesn't sound convincing. He doesn't sound hard, he just sounds defensive and butthurt and like he doesn't know what he's doing.
+
But he just couldn't make it come across. No matter how much bass he puts in his voice, it doesn't sound convincing. He doesn't sound hard, he just sounds defensive and butthurt and like he doesn't know what he's doing.
   
'''MC Hammer: '''I got the dance steps that got you pumping in your boombox...
+
'''MC Hammer:''' I got the dance steps that got you pumping in your boombox...
   
'''Todd:''' You're a gangsta because you have the dance steps? [shrugs and scoffs]
+
'''Todd:''' You're a gangsta because you have the dance steps? ''[shrugs and scoffs]''
   
''(Video of Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg's "Fuck Wit Dre Day" is shown)''
+
''Clip of Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg - "Fuck Wit Dre Day"''
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' And as much as I love '90s hip-hop, constant diss tracks and feuds at the time, I don't think they've aged all that well. Go back to it and everyone sounds whiny and thin-skinned, and it all kinda seems like just a waste of time.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' And as much as I love '90s hip-hop, constant diss tracks and feuds at the time, I don't think they've aged all that well. Go back to it and everyone sounds whiny and thin-skinned, and it all kinda seems like just a waste of time.
   
 
'''Todd:''' Did Dre have to spend the entirety of ''The Chronic'' telling Eazy-E to eat a dick?
 
'''Todd:''' Did Dre have to spend the entirety of ''The Chronic'' telling Eazy-E to eat a dick?
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Who benefited from that in the end?
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' Who benefited from that in the end?
   
'''Todd: '''And Hammer might have been the most thin-skinned of all because he takes on just goddamn everybody.
+
'''Todd:''' And Hammer might have been the most thin-skinned of all because he takes on just goddamn everybody.
   
(''Clip of MC Hammer performing on The Arsenio Hall Show with the audio of Break 'Em Off Somethin' Proper)''
+
:''Clip of MC Hammer performing on ''The Arsenio Hall Show'' with the audio of "Break 'Em Off Somethin' Proper"''
  +
:'''Q-Tip (sampled):''' What you say, Hammer
  +
:Proper
  +
:'''MC Hammer:''' We about to break 'em off somethin' proper!
   
'''Q-Tip (sampled):''' What you say, Hammer/proper
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Okay, a little backstory: one of the first acts to call Hammer a sell-out was A Tribe Called Quest, who took aim at him in their single, "Check the Rhime".
   
'''MC Hammer:''' We about to break 'em off somethin' proper!
+
:''Clip of "Check the Rhime"''
  +
:'''A Tribe Called Quest:''' Check the rhime...
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' Okay, a little backstory: one of the first acts to call Hammer a sell-out was A Tribe Called Quest, who took aim at him in their single, "Check the Rhime".
+
'''Todd:''' "Check the Rhime" is an all-time classic, for the record. ''[Sings] You're on point, Tip?<br>All the time, Phife.'' Yeah I love that song.
   
''(Video of A Tribe Called Quest's "Check the Rhime" is shown)''
+
:''Clip of a vintage Pepsi commercial featuring Hammer)''
   
'''A Tribe Called Quest:''' Check the rhime...
+
'''Todd (V/O):''' Anyway, they specifically made fun of Hammer's Pepsi commercials.
   
'''Todd: '''"Check the Rhime" is an all-time classic, for the record. ''[Sings]'' You're on point, Tip?/All the time, Phife. Yeah I love that song.
+
:'''Announcer:''' We secretly replaced his Pepsi with Coke.
  +
:'''MC Hammer [off key singing]:''' Feelings...
   
(''clip of a vintage Pepsi commercial featuring Hammer)''
+
'''Todd (VO):''' ''[sarcastically]'' OH NO! Coke products have taken away all of his talent. Fortunately, Pepsi will restore him to the epitome of coolness that is MC Hammer.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Anyway, they specifically made fun of Hammer's Pepsi commercials.
+
'''Todd:''' God, the Cola wars were weird.
   
'''Announcer:''' We secretly replaced his Pepsi with Coke.
+
'''MC Hammer:''' ''[sipping Pepsi]'' Proper!
   
'''MC Hammer [off key singing]:''' Feelings...
+
'''Todd:''' Anyway, I guess Q-Tip didn't like that, so he took some shots.
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' ''[sarcastically]'' OH NO! Coke products have taken away all of his talent. Fortunately, Pepsi will restore him to the epitome of coolness that is MC Hammer.
+
:'''Q-Tip:''' And proper
  +
:What you say, Hammer
  +
:Proper
  +
:Rap is not pop
  +
:If you call it that, then stop.
   
'''Todd: '''God, the Cola wars were weird.
+
'''Todd (VO): '''So of course Hammer had to fire back.
 
'''MC Hammer [sipping Pepsi]: '''Proper!
 
 
'''Todd: '''Anyway, I guess Q-Tip didn't like that, so he took some shots.
 
 
'''Q-Tip:''' And proper/what you say, Hammer/proper/rap is not pop/if you call it that, then stop.
 
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''So of course Hammer had to fire back.
 
   
 
'''Todd:''' And he did it by sampling Q-Tip directly.
 
'''Todd:''' And he did it by sampling Q-Tip directly.
   
(''back to Arsenio clip with the aforementioned song playing)''
+
:'''Q-Tip (sampled):''' What you say, Hammer
  +
:Proper...
  +
:'''MC Hammer:''' Break 'em off, break 'em off somethin' proper
   
'''Q-Tip (sampled):''' What you say, Hammer/proper...
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Yep. So here we are, Hammer vs. Q-Tip.
   
'''MC Hammer:''' Break 'em off, break 'em off somethin' proper
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' I'm selling millions
  +
:Not the run of the mill
  +
:And like Big Daddy says, I'm wondering how you got a record deal...
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' Yep. So here we are, Hammer vs. Q-Tip.
+
'''Todd: '''''[visibly fed up at this point] He got a rap deal because he's a better rapper than you, Hammer! How dare you, how dare you?!''
   
'''MC Hammer:''' I'm selling millions/not the run of the mill/and like Big Daddy says, I'm wondering how you got a record deal...
+
'''MC Hammer:''' Step right up and be the next contestant
  +
:A Tribe Called Quest is a bad investment
  +
:I'm breakin' em off something' proper...
   
'''Todd: '''''[visibly fed up at this point]''''' '''He got a rap deal because he's a better rapper than you, Hammer! How dare you, ''how dare you''?!
+
'''Todd:''' ''[huh?]'' Burn?
   
'''MC Hammer:''' Step right up and be the next contestant/A Tribe Called Quest is a bad investment/I'm breakin' em off something' proper...
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' A Tribe Called Quest is a bad investment...
   
'''Todd: '''''[huh?] ''Burn?
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Is that like a pun or a reference or something?
 
'''MC Hammer:''' A Tribe Called Quest is a bad investment...
 
 
'''Todd (V/O):''' Is that like a pun or a reference or something?
 
   
 
'''Todd:''' What are you talking about?!
 
'''Todd:''' What are you talking about?!
   
(''videos of 2Pac's Hit Em Up and Changes are shown)''
+
:''Clips of 2Pac - "Hit Em Up" and "Changes"''
   
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''Now when we talk about rap beefs in the '90s, it always comes back to Biggie and Tupac. How they died, what a tragedy it was, what a stupid, pointless waste. And how we all need to increase the peace and stop the violence.
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''Now when we talk about rap beefs in the '90s, it always comes back to Biggie and Tupac. How they died, what a tragedy it was, what a stupid, pointless waste. And how we all need to increase the peace and stop the violence.
   
'''Todd: '''But if you ask me...
+
'''Todd:''' But if you ask me...
 
''(Back to Arsenio clip)''
 
   
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''Hammer vs. Q-Tip... there's never gonna be a rap beef more depressing than this. It's Q-Tip...
 
'''Todd (V/O): '''Hammer vs. Q-Tip... there's never gonna be a rap beef more depressing than this. It's Q-Tip...
   
(''Video of A Tribe Called Quest's "Can I Kick It?" playing)''
+
:''Clips of "Can I Kick It?..."
+
:'''Q-Tip:''' Can I kick it?
'''Q-Tip:''' Can I kick it?
+
:'''A Tribe Called Quest:''' Yes you can!
+
:'''Q-Tip:''' Can I kick it?
'''A Tribe Called Quest:''' Yes you can!
+
:'''A Tribe Called Quest:''' Yes you can!
 
'''Q-Tip:''' Can I kick it?
 
 
'''A Tribe Called Quest:''' Yes you can!
 
   
 
...and Hammer...
 
...and Hammer...
   
''[Back to video of "U Can't Touch This"]''
+
:...and "U Can't Touch This"]''
  +
'''MC Hammer:''' Every time you see me
  +
:The Hammer's just so hype
  +
:I'm dope on the floor
  +
:And I'm magic on the mike...
   
'''MC Hammer:''' Every time you see me/the Hammer's just so hype/I'm dope on the floor/And I'm magic on the mike...
+
'''Todd:''' ''[beat]'' Can't we all just get along?!
   
'''Todd: '''''[beat]''''' '''Can't we all just get along?!
+
'''Todd (VO):''' It's like finding out Carl Sagan and Mister Rogers got in a fist fight!
   
'''Todd (V/O):''' It's like finding out Carl Sagan and Mister Rogers got in a fist fight!
+
:'''Suge Knight:''' Man, what about Run-DMC?
 
'''Suge Knight:''' Man, what about Run-DMC?
 
   
 
'''Todd: '''Oh right! And he took some shots at Run-DMC too. ''[Shrugs]'' Why the hell not?
 
'''Todd: '''Oh right! And he took some shots at Run-DMC too. ''[Shrugs]'' Why the hell not?
   
'''MC Hammer:''' Been around for ten years but they been dead since '89!
+
:'''MC Hammer:''' Been around for ten years but they been dead since '89!
   
'''Todd: '''Big words coming from a guy who was passe after '91. Did any of these people even notice that Hammer was attacking them?!
+
'''Todd:''' Big words coming from a guy who was passe after '91. Did any of these people even notice that Hammer was attacking them?!
   
(''Back to video of "Don't Stop")''
+
:''Clip of "Don't Stop"''
  +
:'''MC Hammer:''' They diss and they diss and they diss but I don't fall...
   
'''MC Hammer:''' They diss and they diss and they diss but I don't fall...
+
'''Todd (VO): '''It's just forced. Like I said, the tragedy is that Hammer actually demonstrated some lyrical skills for the first time and has some fantastic production. I think he could've been a really good rapper and that he just didn't really focus on that part of his act when it mattered.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''It's just forced. Like I said, the tragedy is that Hammer actually demonstrated some lyrical skills for the first time and has some fantastic production. I think he could've been a really good rapper and that he just didn't really focus on that part of his act when it mattered.
+
:'''Singers:''' Don't stop 'til you get enough...
   
'''Singers:''' Don't stop 'til you get enough...
+
'''Todd (VO):''' This album is not that bad, there's a lot of good stuff here, but it was never gonna succeed because it's all in the service of such a bad idea.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''This album is not that bad, there's a lot of good stuff here but it was never gonna succeed because it's all in the service of such a bad idea.
+
'''Todd:''' Honestly, he might've had a better chance if ''he just stayed'' MC Hammer.
   
'''Todd: '''Honestly, he might've had a better chance if ''he just stayed'' MC Hammer.
+
:''(Clips of Tag Team - "Whoomp There It Is" and the 69 Boyz' - "Tootsie Roll"''
   
''(Videos to Tag Team's "Whoomp There It Is" and the 69 Boyz' "Tootsie Roll" are shown)''
+
'''Todd (VO): '''Pop rap wasn't dead in 1994. It had more of an edge but it was still around.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Pop rap wasn't dead in 1994. It had more of an edge but it was still around.
+
:'''69 Boyz:''' Let me see the tootsie roll!
   
'''69 Boyz:''' Let me see the tootsie roll!
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Could've had those G-Funk beats without having to use the word "gangsta" every other line. If he had, I think he could've survived. After Biggie and Pac died, everyone wanted to cool things down. ''[Clip of "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" by...]'' Will Smith's big solo move was just around the corner. Hammer could've waited it out.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Could've had those G-Funk beats without having to use the word "gangsta" every other line. If he had, I think he could've survived. After Biggie and Pac died, everyone wanted to cool things down. ''(video to Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" is shown)'' Will Smith's big solo move was just around the corner. Hammer could've waited it out. ''(back to 2nd video of "Pumps and a Bump")'' As it was, ''Funky Headhunter'' sold one-time platinum, which was a big step down for him ''(clip of ending Arsenio performance)'' but also just big enough that people will always remember the image of Hammer at the most flop-sweaty, wannabe phase of his career. ''(back to 2nd video of "Pumps and a Bump") ''And I gotta be honest, as many elements as I like from this album and as much of a nostalgia buzz I got from it...
+
As it was, ''Funky Headhunter'' sold one-time platinum, which was a big step down for him, ''[clip of ending ''Arsenio'' performance]'' but also just big enough that people will always remember the image of Hammer at the most flop-sweaty, wannabe phase of his career. And I gotta be honest, as many elements as I like from this album and as much of a nostalgia buzz I got from it...
   
'''Todd: '''(sighs)''' '''...the whole project just made me feel kinda sad.
+
'''Todd:''' ''[sighs]''...the whole project just made me feel kinda sad.
   
(''clip of MC Hammer and his wife from the infamous Behind the Music episode is shown)''
+
:''Clip of MC Hammer and his wife from the infamous ''Behind the Music'' episode''
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''The whole MC Hammer story reads like a Shakespearean tragedy now. His crime was that he just wanted to be loved.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' The whole MC Hammer story reads like a Shakespearean tragedy now. His crime was that he just wanted to be loved.
   
'''Todd: '''In the end, I don't think gangsta Hammer is how Hammer wants to be remembered.
+
'''Todd:''' In the end, I don't think gangsta Hammer is how Hammer wants to be remembered.
   
''[vintage clip of MC Hammer performing "U Can't Touch This" in his heyday]''
+
:''Vintage clip of MC Hammer performing "U Can't Touch This"''
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''That isn't what Hammer was about. He was about fun and good times and that's why there's still a lot of affection for the man even now.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' That isn't what Hammer was about. He was about fun and good times and that's why there's still a lot of affection for the man even now.
   
 
'''Todd:''' Do him a favor: forget about this album. Remember him at his height.
 
'''Todd:''' Do him a favor: forget about this album. Remember him at his height.
   
'''Todd (V/O): '''Whatever you wanna say about the guy, he has a substantial legacy in helping to make hip-hop the cultural powerhouse it is today and you have to respect that.
+
'''Todd (VO):''' Whatever you wanna say about the guy, he has a substantial legacy in helping to make hip-hop the cultural powerhouse it is today and you have to respect that.
 
'''Todd:''' And I am definitely saying that because I don't want Hammer to call his homies and have them kill me. Peace. (''gets up and leaves)''
 
   
(''End of first Pumps and a Bump video)''
+
'''Todd:''' And I am definitely saying that because I don't want Hammer to call his homies and have them kill me. Peace.
   
''(Ending music: Todd plays "U Can't Touch This")''
+
''Gets up and leaves)''
   
'''THE END'''
+
:''End of first "Pumps and a Bump" video''
   
'''"The Funky Headhunter" is owned by Warner Music Group.'''
+
''(Closing tag song: Todd plays "U Can't Touch This")''
   
'''This video is owned by me.'''
+
'''THE END<br>"The Funky Headhunter" is owned by Warner Music Group.<br>This video is owned by me.'''
   
 
'''THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!'''
 
'''THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!'''
   
{{Stub}}
 
 
{{TITSscripts}}
 
{{TITSscripts}}
   

Revision as of 04:54, June 14, 2018

The Funky Headhunter

Funky headhunter tits

Date Aired
March 19, 2018
Running Time
18:44
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Todd: Can't touch this!

Video for MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This"

Todd: Can't touch this!

MC Hammer: My, my, my, MY music...

Todd (VO): If you weren't there, you can't possibly understand how big MC Hammer was. I was a kid, and Hammer was probably the first rapper I knew, but also just like, one of the first celebrities I knew, period, even though I wasn't allowed to listen to rap music.

Todd: He had a level of fame and saturation that I don't think is even possible today.

Clip of "2 Legit 2 Quit"
Singers: 2 legit/2 legit 2 quit!

Todd (VO): He modeled his approach to showbiz on Michael Jackson. He wanted to be rap's "King of Pop," and arguably he succeeded.

Todd: But it sure did not last.

Clip from infamous Behind the Music episode of MC Hammer
Oprah: Isn't it true that you have 2,000 outfits?!
MC Hammer: Uh yes. Yes it is.

Todd (VO): The collapse of the MC Hammer empire is pop culture legend at this point. He might honestly be more famous today for his issues with bankruptcy than for any of his songs, because the man could just not quit spending.

Todd: He was "2 Legit 2 Quit" spending.

Clip of recent MC Hammer commercial parodying his financial rise and fall

Todd (VO): He managed to lose every last dollar he had, and several million that he didn't through a combination of extreme generosity and equally extreme self-indulgence.

Todd: But of course that's only half the story. You see, the best way to not lose all your money is to [image of...] keep making money. But Hammer was unable to sustain his career because he suddenly became very, very uncool.

Clip of MC Hammer performing in concert during his heyday
Singer: Go! Go! Go! Go!

Clips of Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg - "Nuthin' But a G Thang"; 3rd Bass - "Gas Face"; and Ice Cube's "Be True to the Game", the latter clips mocking MC Hammer

Todd (VO): Modeling your career on Michael Jackson might have seemed like a good idea in 1990, but by 1993, no one would want to be Michael Jackson, in more ways than one. Once gangsta rap took over, overnight it was 187 on Hammer's entire image. He was getting attacked on all fronts: As soft, as a sellout, as a corny dancing buffoon in a stupid outfit.

Todd: But there was one last-ditch effort to keep Hammer time from running out. And give him credit, he did try to change with the times.

MC Hammer: Now why would I ever stop doing this?
[Static sounds]
2nd clip of "Pumps And a Bump" and clips of Rap City interview and Arsenio Hall performance
MC Hammer: Give me the girls with the pumps and a bump!
Just when I thought did I hit another soft spot...

Todd (VO): Yup, Hammer went hardcore. No more cartoon shows or Taco Bell commercials. With his 1994 album, The Funky Headhunter... Hammer was out to prove that he was the hardest thug in the hood.

MC Hammer: Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump...

Todd (VO): Yep, that...

Todd: ...actually happened. This is Trainwreckords.

Trainwreckords intro, followed by album cover for The Funky Headhunter

Clip of MC Hammer performing "Don't Stop" on The Arsenio Hall Show
Singers: Tick tock, ya don't stop
That OG funk, that's what it is...

Todd (VO): The reason The Funky Headhunter didn't do well is... It's kind of too obvious to even say.

Todd: I can can give it to you in one sentence: Hammer isn't a gangsta, the end.

Clip of a 1994 interview of BBC's The Word featuring an embarrassed MC Hammer and host Mark Lamarr wearing "Hammer Pants" and dancing erratically

Todd (VO): I've watched a bunch of interviews with Hammer from around that time and it is so obvious. No one is buying it.

Clip of BET's Rap City is shown
Veejay: He's got a new album out and a new image. Gone are the days of the old Hammer. He now considers himself an OG.

Todd: Like look at this guy. He can't even pretend.

Veejay: He now considers himself...

Todd (V/O): And by "he," he mean only he now considers himself...

Veejay: ...an OG.

Clip of "It's All Good" performance on MTV

Todd (VO): I mean the big difference was that he started dressing differently. A stocking cap and a baggy Falcons jersey doesn't make you a gangster any more than it makes you a member of [image of an Atlanta Falcons player] the Atlanta Falcons. And he didn't ease into it either. It was just, BAM, thugged out.

Todd: It made about as much sense as if I, Todd, suddenly decided I'm not a YouTuber music critic anymore. I'm now a... [image of the United States Congress] United States Senator! Look at me, everyone! I'm now [image of...] Ronald Johnson, the senior senator serving the great state of Wisconsin! I transparently am not! No one is going to believe that.

Todd (VO): Listen to this intro.

Intro from The Funky Headhunter playing featuring a smooth-voiced narrator
Narrator: It's in this space that dwells one of the truest of macks, a street soldier definitely on a mission...

Todd (V/O): [image of bullshit detector] None of that is true!

Todd: But why is it not true?

Todd (V/O): Look, Hammer is not the only rapper who had to fight to establish cred after getting called 'soft'. It's not impossible to turn that around. [clips of...] LL Cool J pulled it off before him. Drake pulled it off after him. Hammer didn't half-ass it either. He tried as hard as he could. Why didn't it work for him?

Todd: Well the big reason is, and bear with me here, Hammer wasn't good to begin with.

Video for "(Hammer, Hammer) They Put Me in the Mix"

Todd (VO): Now this isn't a perfect comparison 'cause Hammer was such a big personality, but he was kind of the Flo Rida of the '90s...

Todd: Big hooks, but completely forgettable lyrics.

Todd (VO): Hammer had hit after hit, but except for "U Can't Touch This," no one knows a single line from any of 'em.

Todd: And you know me, "pop" is not a bad word to me.

[Clip of...]

Todd (V/O): I know all the words to "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark.

Todd: But Hammer just wasn't that interesting.

Clip of MC Hammer performing "Let's Get It Started"

Todd (VO): Sure he was flashy, but as far as lyrical skills go, he's about the same level of rapper as [clip of...] Parappa the Rapper.

Todd: Which is not to say Hammer had no skills as an entertainer.

Clip of MC Hammer performing at the 1990 MTV Video Music Awards

Todd (VO): He was a great hype man, he was a consummate showman, he loved entertaining, and the dude could dance like nobody.

Todd: But hype and live shows aren't real high priorities to gangsta rap.

Clip of Naughty by Nature - "Hip Hop Hooray"

Todd (VO): What matters is lyrics, and flow, and the ability to project realness: the exact opposite of Hammer's strengths, so a change of pants wasn't gonna do it.

Todd: None of this came naturally to Hammer, even the name of the album is off.

Todd (V/O): The Funky Headhunter.

Audio of "The Funky Headhunter" playing over the cassette back cover image of the album

Hammer: The funky headhunter!

Todd: Not only does that not sound gangsta, it doesn't even sound '90s. It sounds like a super old school lyric from like a [clip of...] Sugar Hill Gang song or something.

Todd: Here are titles from some actual gangsta rap albums from that era [images of...]: Doggystyle, Ready to Die, Bacdafucup, Lethal Injection. And meanwhile, here is Hammer like [image of MC Hammer from his heyday] "I'm the funky headhunter, y'all! I'm about to get busy! Clap your hands, everybody!"

Video for"Pumps and a Bump"

Todd (VO): But let's look at the song that introduced the world to hardcore Hammer: "Pumps and a Bump."

MC Hammer: Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump
We like the girls with the pumps and a bump
[Todd dances in his seat]
Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump
Give me the girls with the pumps and a bump
Just when I thought did I hit another soft spot...

Todd (VO): Now "Pumps and a Bump" is, in the grand hip-hop tradition, a song about ass. It's honestly, maybe, not the worst idea. Hammer wasn't gonna sell a song about killing cops but [clip of Wreckz-N-Effect - "Rump Shaker"] booty anthems, that was still a proven seller in hip-hop. It's not specifically gangsta...

Todd: ...but it's something a gangsta rapper could've conceivably released.

Todd (VO): So it would be gangsta without it being gangsta.

Todd: I think it was a smart move.

MC Hammer: We go the pumps and bumps!

Todd: [beat] Okay, so here's the problem...

MC Hammer: Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump...

Todd (VO): First off, calling a big butt a "bump", now maybe I'm misremembering the '90s, but I'm pretty sure that didn't catch on. It's better than humps or lumps, which we got ten years later, but...

Todd: Bump? I don't know, when I hear "bump," I think [image of...] oral herpes.

Todd (VO): And also, there is one major "bump" everyone was talking about after the video and it was not any girl's butts. [clips of Hammer in the thong] Nice bulge, Hammer. Yeah, right at the camera. Make it like it's going through the screen. Right into people's living rooms. [close up of the thong] Why it's almost like I can touch this.

Todd: Yeah, yeah, that's a lot of Hammer all at once.

Todd (VO): (clips of Justin Bieber - "What Do You Mean?" and Miley Cyrus - "Wrecking Ball" And you may remember this move from other family-friendly stars trying to change their image but usually this only works for teenagers moving into adulthood so that they could demonstrate that they're reaching sexual maturity alongside their audience, and of course, various middle-aged pervs get to enjoy it too.

Clips of Hammerman and Hammer's doll commercials

Hammer, meanwhile, was much older than his audience of little kids. So him waving his dick and like "oh check me out, I'm growing into my sexuality." It's more like being flashed by your [image of a Boy Scout youth counselor] youth counselor.

MC Hammer: Get the pumps and a bump.

Todd (VO): Please, Hammer... [image of scared kids] don't hurt 'em.

Todd (V/O): This video actually was too hot for MTV and they had to change to this [clip of...] alternate version. Probably for the best.

Todd: And here's the thing: I think the actual song is actually kinda good. In fact, it's probably my favorite Hammer song.

MC Hammer: I don't like 'em stiggity fat! (No!)
I like 'em stiggity stacked (yeah!)
You wiggity wiggity wack if you ain't got biggity back (aw!)

Todd (VO): And even the whole album is, in a lot of ways, a lot better than his first few.

Todd: Hammer's flow is way tighter.

MC Hammer: 'Cause I come equipped, read my lips, baby
You can slippity slip out ya clothes and take a trip

Todd (VO): And his beats are a lot better too.

Female singers: All that we want...

Todd (V/O): He recruited all of the hottest producers of the time. And I don't know, maybe I just never mentally aged past the mid-'90s, but that '90s G-Funk synth and bass still does it for me way more than anything else ever will.

Todd: So you know, "Pumps and a Bump" is OK.

Todd (VO): And even at the time, I remember it being decently big. Even got a shout out from Fifth Harmony last year.

Clip of Fifth Harmony - "He Like That"

Normani Kordei: Pumps and a bump, pumps and a bump
I be that girl with the pumps and a bump...

Todd: Cannot believe that happened.

Todd (VO): But while it did get decent airplay, it sure wasn't "U Can't Touch This" big. One single does not a comeback make.

Todd: And the flaws in Hammer's new approach became especially evident in the second single, "It's All Good".

Video for "It's All Good"
MC Hammer and singers: Hey!
It's all good!
It's all good!
Y'all ready for this? (Uh-huh!)

Todd (V/O): Okay, the first problem with "It's All Good" is that it's a diss track. You don't name a diss track "It's All Good". [Clip of...] Now this song is actually aimed at Redman. Apparently Redman had been taking some shots at him.

MC Hammer: Now this ain't the name calling game
See, I can refrain from using names to get fame...

Todd (VO): Yes, he's not gonna name names even though he totally does at the end.

MC Hammer: Talkin' about my mama's where I draw the line Redman...

Todd (VO): But listening to the chorus, you think that Hammer was trying to squash the feud and make nice.

MC Hammer: 'Cause it's all good! (hey!)

Todd: Secondly...

Todd (VO): Hammer still danced... a lot.

Clip of MTV performance
MC Hammer: [while dancing] It's all good...

Todd (VO): A lot. I mean it was his primary skill, he had to. Of course he did make sure to dance like a gangsta, you know there's a lot more stomping involved, he made sure to keep that goofy grin off his face, but still it exposes the lie pretty clearly...

Todd: ...the way you dance like a gangsta is you don't dance.

Todd (VO): It made his entire hardcore pose look like just choreography. He treated it like dance steps that he learned and performed. Now say what you want about the thong in "Pumps And a Bump" but this video is the real embarrassment to me.

Clip of MC Hammer grimacing while grabbing his hands

Todd: [imitating MC Hammer's grimacing] "GRR!"

Todd (VO): "I'm a toughie!"

Todd: The lyrics don't really sell it either.

MC Hammer: I thought you knew and boy you still can't touch this

Todd (VO): There's a lot of callbacks to his previous singles.

MC Hammer: Homeboy, you better pray just to make it today

They put me in the mix, too legit to quit

Todd: Yeah, you know the songs that he's trying to make people forget?

Todd (VO): I think he's trying to re-contextualize his old hits into his new image, but it does not work. (more clips of...) LL Cool J and Drake already had hard songs in their past that they can call back on when they need to reestablish their cred. [clip of "Pray"] Hammer didn't have that. He had nothing. So these callbacks are actively undermining it.

Todd: It's just reminding people that this guy...

MC Hammer: You wanna beat the G, I beat you like hizzos
In the backseat of my caddy, you'll be callin' Hammer daddy

Todd: ...is actually this guy.

Clip of MC Hammer dropping to the ground with his parachute pants in Taco Bell commercial
MC Hammer: Yo sweetness!
Now that's the way the Hammer runs for the border.

Todd: The need to sell how hard he is is a big problem with the album.

Audio of "Something for the OG's" with the MTV clip)

Todd (VO): It just never stops. Every other line uses the word "gangsta" or "G" or "OG."

Todd: Some words I don't remember hearing were any profanities which, you know, is a pretty big tell.

Audio of "Break 'Em Off Somethin' Proper" playing over Arsenio Hall performance)
MC Hammer: King of rock? You ain't the king of sh--
Woman: Hammer!

Todd (VO): There's not even the parental advisory sticker, I don't think.

Male singers: That OG funk, that's what it is...

Todd (VO): Also, I'm not sure if he knows that OG stands for original gangsta?

MC Hammer: All about the true OG's
Not gangstas with pants...

Todd (V/O): MC Hammer wasn't a gangsta but he especially wasn't an original gangsta, he was not originally a gangsta and everyone knows that!

Todd: His other big move is to lean on his success to get respect.

Back to "It's All Good"
MC Hammer: (They thought you was a sellout)
I'm sellin' out tours 'cause sellin' CDs, I'm the one...

Todd (VO): You know, you know, "I made millions of dollars," as far as everyone knew at the time, he still had it...

Todd: ...so there you go, "I'm rich, bitch."

Audio of MC Hammer's "The Funky Headhunter" over his Arsenio Hall performance
MC Hammer: Suckers getting mad 'cause over 20 million sold
And now they try to diss 'cause they can't get gold...

Todd (V/O): "I went gazillion times platinum, you have to respect the cash".

Todd: No! No! They did not have to respect that! In fact that's the whole reason they don't respect you!

Clip of vintage KFC commercial featuring MC Hammer dancing for popcorn chicken

Todd (VO): I mean, yeah, you made a lot of money, but that's because you're a pop doofus who dances for KFC.

Todd: But here's the real ironic thing: in real life, Hammer is serious as fuck.

Clips of MC Hammer being interviewed for Rap City and MC Serch discussing the time Hammer sent out gang members after him

Todd (VO): He may not have been a thug, but he was from the streets, and because he was generous enough to employ his entire neighborhood, he had all sorts of gang connections and he was not afraid to use them. Many of the people who stepped to him have stories about coming close to death because they beefed with Hammer.

Video for "Don't Stop"

But he just couldn't make it come across. No matter how much bass he puts in his voice, it doesn't sound convincing. He doesn't sound hard, he just sounds defensive and butthurt and like he doesn't know what he's doing.

MC Hammer: I got the dance steps that got you pumping in your boombox...

Todd: You're a gangsta because you have the dance steps? [shrugs and scoffs]

Clip of Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg - "Fuck Wit Dre Day"

Todd (VO): And as much as I love '90s hip-hop, constant diss tracks and feuds at the time, I don't think they've aged all that well. Go back to it and everyone sounds whiny and thin-skinned, and it all kinda seems like just a waste of time.

Todd: Did Dre have to spend the entirety of The Chronic telling Eazy-E to eat a dick?

Todd (V/O): Who benefited from that in the end?

Todd: And Hammer might have been the most thin-skinned of all because he takes on just goddamn everybody.

Clip of MC Hammer performing on The Arsenio Hall Show with the audio of "Break 'Em Off Somethin' Proper"
Q-Tip (sampled): What you say, Hammer
Proper
MC Hammer: We about to break 'em off somethin' proper!

Todd (VO): Okay, a little backstory: one of the first acts to call Hammer a sell-out was A Tribe Called Quest, who took aim at him in their single, "Check the Rhime".

Clip of "Check the Rhime"
A Tribe Called Quest: Check the rhime...

Todd: "Check the Rhime" is an all-time classic, for the record. [Sings] You're on point, Tip?
All the time, Phife.
Yeah I love that song.

Clip of a vintage Pepsi commercial featuring Hammer)

Todd (V/O): Anyway, they specifically made fun of Hammer's Pepsi commercials.

Announcer: We secretly replaced his Pepsi with Coke.
MC Hammer [off key singing]: Feelings...

Todd (VO): [sarcastically] OH NO! Coke products have taken away all of his talent. Fortunately, Pepsi will restore him to the epitome of coolness that is MC Hammer.

Todd: God, the Cola wars were weird.

MC Hammer: [sipping Pepsi] Proper!

Todd: Anyway, I guess Q-Tip didn't like that, so he took some shots.

Q-Tip: And proper
What you say, Hammer
Proper
Rap is not pop
If you call it that, then stop.

Todd (VO): So of course Hammer had to fire back.

Todd: And he did it by sampling Q-Tip directly.

Q-Tip (sampled): What you say, Hammer
Proper...
MC Hammer: Break 'em off, break 'em off somethin' proper

Todd (VO): Yep. So here we are, Hammer vs. Q-Tip.

MC Hammer: I'm selling millions
Not the run of the mill
And like Big Daddy says, I'm wondering how you got a record deal...

Todd: [visibly fed up at this point] He got a rap deal because he's a better rapper than you, Hammer! How dare you, how dare you?!

MC Hammer: Step right up and be the next contestant

A Tribe Called Quest is a bad investment
I'm breakin' em off something' proper...

Todd: [huh?] Burn?

MC Hammer: A Tribe Called Quest is a bad investment...

Todd (VO): Is that like a pun or a reference or something?

Todd: What are you talking about?!

Clips of 2Pac - "Hit Em Up" and "Changes"

Todd (V/O): Now when we talk about rap beefs in the '90s, it always comes back to Biggie and Tupac. How they died, what a tragedy it was, what a stupid, pointless waste. And how we all need to increase the peace and stop the violence.

Todd: But if you ask me...

Todd (V/O): Hammer vs. Q-Tip... there's never gonna be a rap beef more depressing than this. It's Q-Tip...

Clips of "Can I Kick It?..."
Q-Tip: Can I kick it?
A Tribe Called Quest: Yes you can!
Q-Tip: Can I kick it?
A Tribe Called Quest: Yes you can!

...and Hammer...

...and "U Can't Touch This"]

MC Hammer: Every time you see me

The Hammer's just so hype
I'm dope on the floor
And I'm magic on the mike...

Todd: [beat] Can't we all just get along?!

Todd (VO): It's like finding out Carl Sagan and Mister Rogers got in a fist fight!

Suge Knight: Man, what about Run-DMC?

Todd: Oh right! And he took some shots at Run-DMC too. [Shrugs] Why the hell not?

MC Hammer: Been around for ten years but they been dead since '89!

Todd: Big words coming from a guy who was passe after '91. Did any of these people even notice that Hammer was attacking them?!

Clip of "Don't Stop"
MC Hammer: They diss and they diss and they diss but I don't fall...

Todd (VO): It's just forced. Like I said, the tragedy is that Hammer actually demonstrated some lyrical skills for the first time and has some fantastic production. I think he could've been a really good rapper and that he just didn't really focus on that part of his act when it mattered.

Singers: Don't stop 'til you get enough...

Todd (VO): This album is not that bad, there's a lot of good stuff here, but it was never gonna succeed because it's all in the service of such a bad idea.

Todd: Honestly, he might've had a better chance if he just stayed MC Hammer.

(Clips of Tag Team - "Whoomp There It Is" and the 69 Boyz' - "Tootsie Roll"

Todd (VO): Pop rap wasn't dead in 1994. It had more of an edge but it was still around.

69 Boyz: Let me see the tootsie roll!

Todd (VO): Could've had those G-Funk beats without having to use the word "gangsta" every other line. If he had, I think he could've survived. After Biggie and Pac died, everyone wanted to cool things down. [Clip of "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" by...] Will Smith's big solo move was just around the corner. Hammer could've waited it out.

As it was, Funky Headhunter sold one-time platinum, which was a big step down for him, [clip of ending Arsenio performance] but also just big enough that people will always remember the image of Hammer at the most flop-sweaty, wannabe phase of his career. And I gotta be honest, as many elements as I like from this album and as much of a nostalgia buzz I got from it...

Todd: [sighs]...the whole project just made me feel kinda sad.

Clip of MC Hammer and his wife from the infamous Behind the Music episode

Todd (VO): The whole MC Hammer story reads like a Shakespearean tragedy now. His crime was that he just wanted to be loved.

Todd: In the end, I don't think gangsta Hammer is how Hammer wants to be remembered.

Vintage clip of MC Hammer performing "U Can't Touch This"

Todd (VO): That isn't what Hammer was about. He was about fun and good times and that's why there's still a lot of affection for the man even now.

Todd: Do him a favor: forget about this album. Remember him at his height.

Todd (VO): Whatever you wanna say about the guy, he has a substantial legacy in helping to make hip-hop the cultural powerhouse it is today and you have to respect that.

Todd: And I am definitely saying that because I don't want Hammer to call his homies and have them kill me. Peace.

Gets up and leaves)

End of first "Pumps and a Bump" video

(Closing tag song: Todd plays "U Can't Touch This")

THE END
"The Funky Headhunter" is owned by Warner Music Group.
This video is owned by me.

THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.