Editing The First Couple: TMNT

{{Infobox
|Box title = The First Couple: TMNT
|Image file = NC-First-Couple-TMNT-episodes.jpg
|Image size = 320
|Row 1 title = Released
|Row 1 info = December 29, 2010
|Row 2 title = Running time
|Row 2 info = 26:44
|Row 3 title = Previous review
|Row 3 info = [[Rover Dangerfield]]
|Row 4 title = Next review
|Row 4 info = [[NeverEnding Story III]]
|Row 5 title = Link
|Row 5 info = http://channelawesome.com/nostalgia-critic-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-cartoon/
}}
<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don’t have to, and welcome to a new portion of the show I like to call “Raiders of the Story Arc.”</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The “Raiders of the Story Arc” logo is shown in the style of the “Indiana Jones” movie series, accompanied by Indiana Jones’ theme music)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: This is where I take a popular nostalgic show and look over the first few episodes to see if it still holds up. With that said, “Teenage Mutant Fucking Ninja Turtles”!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The title screen for the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” 1980s TV series is shown, followed by clips from its introduction)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): As you all know, I loved Ninja Turtles growing up. I was a hero in a half shell junkie. But now that I’m older, is the show really as good as I remember it? We know the movies definitely have flaws, but what about the television show that turned these reptiles into household names? (Images of the Renaissance artists Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael are shown quickly) I mean, after they were already household names.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Well, I’m gonna look at the first episodes to find out, the ones from the three VHSs that we all watched in the ‘80s and ‘90s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>(Covers for those VHS videos are shown briefly) So let’s not waste any time and start with “Turtle Tracks.”</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The title card for the episode “Turtle Tracks” is presented before the episode begins)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Here we go, the very first episode of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.” It starts out in New York City. The crime wave is high with muggings mysterious!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Partners –N- Crime (from the “Turtle Power” music video): (raps along with two of the ninja turtles) Our police and detectives are furious.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): And, of course, the reporter leading the story on these crimes is good old April O’Neil.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April O’Neil: (begins her report) Ninjas.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Ohh, I just remember the reasons I love her so much. (cut to a close-up of April’s top half, with NC referring to her breasts) One on the left, and one on the right.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Professor: (points to cuts made on a doorway) These incisions could only have been made with a samurai sword. (He picks up a piece of rope near a tied-up policeman in a chair) And look at this rope. This can only be the work of ninjas, the ancient band of Japanese warriors.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: And how can you tell that from the rope, Professor?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Professor: Well, look for yourself. (Cut to a close-up of the rope with the label “Japan” on it) It’s made in Japan.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Whoa, that shut me up!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So we see the Shredder watches the reporters through a secret camera and he sends the cast of “Mad Max: The Musical” to put a stop to their story.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rocksteady: (to April while holding a club in his hands) We got a message for you from the big boss man. He wants you to stick to reporting fashion shows.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: (bends down to pick up her video camera) Here, catch!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(April throws the camera at Rocksteady to distract him while throwing herself to ducking low next to a street gutter and climb through it, entering the sewers)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Uh, bullshit! With breasts that big, you wouldn’t be able to fit in a pipe from “Super Mario Brothers”! (A screenshot of Mario standing on a pipe in the NES video game version of “Super Mario Brothers” is shown briefly) But unfortunately, she forgot that she can’t go through fucking walls and gets herself cornered.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rocksteady: Sign-off time, April O’Neil. (He readies his club but then is struck in the chest by a Bo staff)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: (speaks off-screen) Chill out, home-boy.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But of course, our green friends come to save her as April can’t believe her eyes.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: I don’t know who you are, but thanks! (The ninja turtles step out of the shadows to reveal themselves) You’re…not human! (She becomes woozy) I can’t handle this. (She faints)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So she wakes up in the turtles’ home and passes out again (after seeing Splinter at first sight).</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: I wish she’d stop doing that.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): When she wakes up for a second time, the turtles’ master—a rat named Splinter—explains who they are.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Splinter: The story of my young friends and I is really the story of a man named Hamato Yoshi.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Flashback to the past)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): He says his name used to be Hamato Yoshi and he was the master of a martial arts clan known as the Foot in Japan, until his enemy named Oroku Saki literally stabbed him in the back.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(As a sensei and two of his assistants walk past Oroku and other students who bow to them on their knees in respect, Hamato is unable to bow since the back of his uniform is pinned down on the wall with Oroku’s knife; he removes the knife off the wall)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Sensei’s Assistant: So you plot to kill our honorable sensei?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Their sensei—who looks like a scrotum massage ball—looks over the situation and says…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Sensei: Throw the bum out!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Splinter: (narrates) A disgrace, Yoshi fled to America. Penniless, he was forced to live in the sewers.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (Voiceover): Wait a minute, why did he go directly to the sewers? There’s shelters in New York!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: And if he’s penniless, how did he get to America in the first place? And why doesn’t he get a job?! Those last two sentences are really flawed.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): OK, so while living in the sewers with the rats, four baby turtles drop down the drain and he decides to take care of them as well. He seems to live a decent life—most likely stealing everything he possesses—but then he arrives home to a shock.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Hamato gasps at the sight of the baby turtles crawling around in a mysterious ooze)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Splinter: (narrates) It was a powerful mutagen. It caused whoever touched it to take on the form of whatever animal they had most recently been in contact with.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Yeah, this was back in the day when science goo could just…do anything. You could make up the most absurd reasoning that has no scientific logic but, it’s science goo, so it flies.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: For example, let’s see what happens when I take this jar of Philadelphia cream cheese (He puts down one on the table in front of him) and pour some science goo all over it. (He pours an opaque liquid onto the cream cheese container until it magically turns into a doll in a box) DAMMIT! It always turns into a 12-inch talking doll of Dennis Miller! Science fucking sucks, man! Science fucking sucks! (He pouts in his seat for a second before pushing a button on the back of the box to make the doll talk)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Dennis Miller Doll: Hey, what if those crop circles are just ads for Target?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So since the turtles have most recently been in contact with Splinter, they turn human. And since Splinter has most recently been in contact with the turtles, he turns…into a rat. (Pauses) Eh, what? OK. He names them after the Renaissance painters because Lord knows the show has to teach kids something, and raises them in the art of ninjitsu.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Back to the present)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Splinter: And that is how they became the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as Splinter) Trademark Splinter 1989!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So they decide to help April out in discovering who’s been committing all these crimes. But as you’d imagine, they don’t fit in very well.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Old Lady: (screams) Ahhh! Monsters! Ahhh!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: OK, we all know this gag. The woman overreacts and runs away screaming while—</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Instead, the old lady pulls out a rifle from her shopping cart and kicks the cart aside)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): HOLY SHIT!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Old Lady: One twitch and you’re history, scum! Now, back off! Nice and easy. (April and the Turtles have their arms in the air and walk away together slowly)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as the Old Lady) Moses from “Planet of the Apes” says it’s my right to own one of these things, and by God, I’m gonna exorcise that right!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So they get those famous trench coats and hats that, of course, fool everybody into thinking they’re NOT turtles as they come across…for a lack of a better name…the Ninja District.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: Ninja Dry Cleaners?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Michelangelo: Ninja Shoe Repair?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: Ninja Video Rentals?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: Ninja Dentist? Ow!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): You know what the funny thing is? These all sound like movie titles for, like, a Syfy channel Ninja Movie Week.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(A fake TV promo advertisement plays out as NC speaks as an announcer featuring Photoshopped images of ninjas handling dry cleaning, shining shoes, posing for a video store, and doing dentist work on a patient)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Announcer: Coming soon on Ninja Movie Week: “Ninja Dry Cleaner,” “Ninja Shoe Repair,” “Ninja Video Rental,” and “Ninja Dentist.” Coming this week on…See-Fee? S-Y-F-Y? Err…that wrestling channel!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So I guess the idea is that the ninjas work for the Shredder and hide in plain sight in the Ninja District, as the Shredder keeps a close eye on his enemies.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: This April O’Neil is getting closer to my operation. I blame myself.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Peter Venkman (from “Ghostbusters”): So do I.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: I should not have sent a punk to do a ninja’s job.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So April finds a security building in the Ninja District that just happens to be the headquarters of the Foot Clan.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Receptionist: I got another scientific equipment company lined up, just waiting to be cleaned out.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(April backs out of the building quietly; cut later to her calling from a telephone booth to tell her boss)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: I found ‘em! Send a camera crew to— (A Foot Clan member’s hand appears out of nowhere to cover her mouth and bring her out of the booth and be bound by the hands of other Foot Clan members; she muffles during that time)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as April’s boss, writes down something on his table while on the phone) Alright, “Send a camera crew to Mmm-mmm-mmm.” By any chance, is that off of “HEEEELLLLPPPP!!!” Street?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So the turtles follow the clues to where April is being held, and they are attacked by the Foot Clan, which, it turns out, is just a bunch of robots.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Michelangelo: Robots? Let’s rock! (He starts fighting the clan members, as well as the other turtles)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Robots that still use ninjitsu weapons. (Beat) Yeah, by this point, I bet Shredder is seriously wondering why he didn’t just put guns on these guys. Hell, even old ladies on the street seem to have guns in this world, and yet these guys are still fighting with sticks and arrows?! Alien technology is nice, but a bullet is still a bullet!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to the four turtles pushing against a brick wall to make it crumble on top of the remaining clan members, and it does; the turtles approach April (tied up in rope in a chair) and Michelangelo helps free her)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: They’re getting [away!]</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Whoa, wait a minute! (He rewinds the footage to the point where Michelangelo has his hand on her chest in order to free her from the rope; NC does a close-up on this) Hello! Looks like somebody’s trying to cop a shell! No wonder she keeps getting kidnapped all the time. She’s just looking for a turtle feel-down!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Sexy music plays with the caption “Turtle Squeeze” at the top of the screen as we get a bit of Michelangelo “groping” April played repeatedly; Cut to April and the turtles running up to the edge of the building to look over and see other Foot Clan members, who appear to be doing jumping jacks on top of another building)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Uh…what are they doing down there? (NC does a close-up on the Foot Clan) Did the Foot in the middle of escaping decide to start sweating to the oldies?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Richard Simmons (from a “Sweating to the Oldies” video): It’s sweatin’ time! (He starts leading his exercisers; this intercuts with footage of the Foot “exercising”)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But the Foot escape on the ground and flood the rest of the building, as Splinter fears that the Shredder might also be his mortal enemy Oraku Saki, which closes out our first episode and leads to the next one entitled…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The title screen for the episode “Enter the Shredder” is shown)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (appears stunned) What was the title of that one again…?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The same title screen is shown again)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (recoils in disgust) D’oooh! Geez, man! I mean…doesn’t that hurt? (Beat)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I-Is he still wearing the sharp…D’oooh, I don’t want to think about it! Oh! (He brings up the Dennis Miller Doll again) God, I need another Dennis Miller joke to get my mind off of that. (He presses a button on the back of the box)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Dennis Miller Doll: You know, other than the bombs they strap to their chest, I have absolutely no idea what makes the Palestinians tick.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (laughs uproariously before he cuts himself off) I don’t get it.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So we start where the last episode left off as the turtles are trying to find the Shredder’s giant vehicle called the Technodrome. What’s a Technodrome, you might ask? (A full shot of the Technodrome is shown) THAT’S a Technodrome. (He chuckles) What the hell is the giant eye on top of that thing for, anyway? Is that really how Shredder sees things?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: I always wanted to draw a little smiley face on there just to complete the image. (A Photoshopped image of a smile on the Technodrome is shown briefly)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: (drives the Technodrome) I don’t believe it!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): And yeah, I bet you didn’t know the Technodrome was a stick-shift, either!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: We’re finding out so much today!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Krang: (through a speaker) This is Krang. Report to me at once.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So the Shredder goes to visit Krang, a talking tumor with arms that sort of sounds like that grandpa who can only eat applesauce.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Krang: I have given you vast technical knowledge.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): And by the way, because people will kill me if I don’t bring it up again, that is Uncle Phil playing the Shredder. (An image of James Avery is shown next to Shredder) And yes, it is hilarious to dub the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” over his voice.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Krang: No force on earth could stop me.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Uncle Phil (from “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”): (dubs over Shredder) I’m gonna tie this place up with so much litigation, that your ''grandchildren'' are gonna need lawyers! (Audience cheering is heard briefly)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So it turns out Krang is from another dimension called Dimension X, and all he wants from Shredder is…take a guess.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Krang: A body.(several times)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to a clip from The Mills Brothers sing-along and a bouncing ball over the lyrics)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Singers: I ain’t got no-body…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Back to the episode)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So to swing the deal, Krang exchanges some information. He tells him that the Shredder could just use the mutagen that was used on the turtles also on his own henchmen.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Krang: But suppose Yoshi had been near a more powerful animal. (He licks his lips)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: Mutate my own people. The possibilities are endless!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as Shredder) I think I’ll do it twice and then never again. (He raises his fists in the air and pumps them in triumph) Oh, the possibilities!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So he (Shredder) steals two animals from the zoo and talks to his henchmen to see who’s up for a night of ungodly genetic realignment.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: I need volunteers.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Henchmen: No way. Not me. Uh-uh.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: I need two of you for an experiment.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Rocksteady: Oh, forget it.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: It will give you strength and powers un-dreamed of.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bebop: So what?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Yeah, this is what happens when Shredder uses Craigslist to get his henchmen.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(A screenshot of a fake Craigslist ad is shown with NC reading off the following as Shredder)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Shredder) Wanted: FOOLS to join my giant mutant army of NINJAS! Must like animals.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(NOTE: Also at the bottom of the ad, it says “Do you like ninjas? Do you like mutants? Are you a fool? Apply at the Technodrome (the giant killer golfball located conveniently hundreds of feet under the city)”)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So eventually, he gets two volunteers and turns them into the mutants Bebop and Rocksteady. Meanwhile, the turtles investigate the zoo robbery and… (The turtles climb down a hole and land deep underground)…come across the Technodrome! (chuckles a bit) Wait a minute! How come the police, while investigating the robbery, didn’t just, oh, I don’t know, look down the freakin’ hole?! Didn’t they think that if they just took a peek for a second, maybe they come across a giant mechanical Faberge egg of death?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: I mean, just look, guys!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Leonardo: Master Splinter’s walking stick.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: He must be in trouble.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: (speaks from an intercom and laughs) If you want to see him again, you’ll have to come in.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So the turtles go inside and come across a bunch of death machines.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The turtles proceed to fight against the death machines)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So while fighting these killer appliances, Donatello says one of the strangest out-of-context lines ever.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: (raises his Bo staff high after defeating a machine) Turtles fight with honor!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(NC looks puzzled)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: Turtles fight with honor!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (shrugs in utter confusion) …Yes! Because…a turtle would never knock out a robot’s lights dishonorably! You should know that, audience! It’s something the Biker Mice from Mars would do!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(All the machines are eventually defeated)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So they find a device that…I guess they assume is a bomb, get trapped in a corner with the supposed bomb, strap it to a wall praying it’s a bomb, and—wouldn’t you know it?—it happens to be a bomb.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The turtles run through the hole made by the bomb)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Donatello) Turtles cheat with honor!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (normal) They see that Splinter’s been kidnapped and the Shredder reveals himself, telling the truth about his backstory.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: It was I who made you what you are today.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Flashback to the past)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: (narrates) If not for me, Hamato Yoshi would never had left Japan. (cut to a screen of a surveillance camera following Hamato Yoshi walking through the sewers) I followed…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): OK, where is the Shredder getting these cameras?! I mean, it’s one thing to have surveillance cameras, but they seem to be getting shots that nobody could get!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: I mean is there just…a Foot cameraman walking around and everybody’s too polite to point them out? (Such a Photoshopped image is shown briefly) I mean seriously, dude! How are you getting these?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Back to the present)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: Bebop! Rocksteady! Destroy them!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The turtles jump high into the air before Bebop and Rocksteady collide into each other, and the turtles defeat the other Foot Clan members)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Shredder) In hindsight, I really should’ve planned this out better.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Leonardo leaps up to cut the rope Splinter is tied to, and Raphael catches him)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: Come on, Splinter. We’re checkin’ out of this dump.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Bebop and Rocksteady try to blast them again, but the turtles trap them and leave them behind. Thus ends episode 2 as we begin the third episode “A Thing About Rats.” This one starts with an inventor named Baxter Stockman, who’s created these robots called Mousers that can apparently hunt out rats anywhere.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(During a lab test, a Mouser does catch a rat after eating its way through the maze)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Baxter Stockman: (to a businessman) You see? There’s no place for pests to hide from my Mousers.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Businessman: Get outta here! (Baxter gets tossed out the door) Gets rid of all rats, huh? (He steps in the doorway) What, are you crazy? You want to drive me out of business?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as the businessman) You want to make me a millionaire, which is exterminating the world? What’s wrong with you?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Shredder appears in the shadows near Baxter)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: A short-sighted fool doesn’t know what he’s missing.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Baxter: (stutters in fear) Who-who are you?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: Someone who wants to produce your Mousers on a vast scale.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Now, really, folks. If you’re approached by a person with a business proposition who looks like Darth Vader mixed with a cheese grater, you probably shouldn’t do business with him; just straight-up common sense. So Stockman makes a bunch of these Mousers, and the Shredder sends them out to kill Splinter. But the turtles arrive in time to save him.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Michelangelo: (examines a destroyed Mouser) Where’d these metal maniacs come from?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: Where do you think, Michelangelo?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: (reads a label on one of the Mousers) Trademark Baxter Stockman Inventions.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as Donatello, pretending to read a label) A division of Shredder Co.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So they go to April to see if they can figure out where to find this Baxter guy.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Michelangelo: We’re looking for the genius who built this. (He holds up a Mouser head)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Leonardo: His name is Baxter Stockman.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: That’s all you’ve got to go on? A name?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as April) I mean it’s not like the Internet’s been invented yet!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So she finds the information and the turtles go looking for him. But we also find out that they may not have much time.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: (to Baxter) Don’t you wish to see the fruits of your labor?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Baxter: (holds his head in frustration) No! I’m tired.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: Very well. Go! (Baxter sadly leaves before Shredder speaks to his Foot clansmen) He knows too much. Put him out of the way.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Eh, I dunno, Shredder. This guy just made you a death weapon with a warthog, a rhinoceros, ninja robots, and not once asked any questions. I’d say this guy is worth keeping around.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Baxter arrives at his home and is about to open the front door until he sees a group of Foot clansmen at his front steps)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Baxter: Oh, what do you want now?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Again, the turtles save him in time and find out that the next bunch (of Mousers) are being sent to April’s apartment, where Splinter is also.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The turtles swing in through April’s patio doors)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: (kicks a Mouser in the jaw) Out of my way, big mouth!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(While the turtles continue fighting the Mousers, pieces of April’s apartment start to crumble and fall to the floor)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: I don’t like the sound of that.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Leonardo: Ropes!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(April, Splinter and the turtles swing out through the porch and away from the building just before it gives way and falls to the ground)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Oh, my God, the loss of innocent life!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (sobs) Lord knows how many innocent families were in there and now suddenly dead! Oh, my God! The impact this must have on our heroes!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: Boy, they sure don’t build them like they used to!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (stares in disbelief) Inconsiderate bitch!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): What the hell would you say if you just saw the Hindenburg disaster?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (acts innocent) Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O’s! (yells in anger) THE FUCK’S WRONG WITH YOU?!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(A screenshot of April is shown with the following text spoken by a deep voice said by NC)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Voice: You are a terrible person.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So they find where the Shredder’s hiding and Michelangelo sneaks in and tries to stop the master control. And to give Shredder credit, this time, he actually is using a gun. (Shredder shoots at Michelangelo, who ducks out of the way, allowing the laser to hit the master control) And now we can see why he never uses it.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: Noooo! Nooo!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Donatello reprograms the Mousers to tear down the house by simply pushing one button over and over, but the Shredder gets away again in the Technodrome.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: That’s the end of the Mousers.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Leonardo: Yes, but what about Michelangelo?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(April and the turtles hurry into the now-destroyed area, leaving Splinter just standing there)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Really, Splinter? You’re just gonna stand there? One of your students might be dying, and you’re not even gonna give a gasp of disbelief?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: That’s pretty soulless.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Splinter) Oh, I never liked him, anyway. I care not for the party dudes.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (normal) But they see he’s OK as we move onto our next episode “Hot Rodding Teenagers from Dimension X.” Isn’t that a funky title? And just sort of a side note here, most kids saw these few episodes on VHS, as they didn’t run the first episodes on TV that often. We loved them and all, but there was one major problem with it: On this VHS (“Hot Rodding Teenagers”), they got episodes three and four backwards, so they would show “Hot Rodding Teenagers” first before they would show the one with the Mousers. Now, with that in mind, just imagine you’re a kid and you’re watching this episode without any knowledge of the Mouser episode you just saw.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(During the following conversation, we see clips of NC shrugging and looking confused at what he sees, pretending to be a kid who had not seen the Mouser episode beforehand)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Michelangelo: But, like, what if Baxter comes back?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: (laughs) Baxter won’t be back for a long time, Michelangelo.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: The authorities didn’t appreciate when he tried to take over the city with his Mouser robots.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: And I didn’t appreciate it when they ate my apartment!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as a kid) WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?! I mean, who’s Baxter Stockman? April’s ex-husband?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): OK, well, luckily, the DVD has them in order, and this one begins with Donatello putting together the Turtle Van, because, as we heard in the opening, Donatello does machines.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(An image of Rosie the Robot from “The Jetsons” is shown)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voicoever): No, not like that. I…you’re gross.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Back to the episode)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But Shredder has another plan. He’s going to open up the portal to Dimension X and bring some of Krang’s armies over, which begs the question why he hasn’t just done this before, but if I’m gonna point the lacks of logic in this show, we’re gonna be here forever. Two soldiers come out of the portal, but so do some rambunctious kids called the Neutrinos.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Dask: Yeah, this place is Dumpsville, man! Let’s cut out.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Why is it they look like Vanilla Ice if they just got out of Tron? (Images of Vanilla Ice and a screenshot of a player from “Tron” is shown side by side with Dask)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Kala: (refers to New York City’s layout) Daddy-o! This is one happenin’ primitive society!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Zak: Cool? Daddy-o, we are frozen!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (clutches his head in fear) Oh, my God, it’s the worst combination possible! Beatniks AND hippies!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So after they get the van put together, the turtles find out that them (the stone warriors) and the Neutrinos are on the same side. The Neutrinos actually hate Dimension X, as it seems to be nothing but wars.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: What is this Dimension X?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Dask: It’s Grimsville.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Zak: All the grownups ever do is fight!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Kala: Us Neutrinos are the only ones who like having fun, and most of the time, the grownups won’t let us. (She starts crying) You don’t know what it’s like, living in a place where everybody wants to do you in, just for the crime of being young!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (sobs) When will people realize the importance of Dimension X awareness? (He slams his hands on his desk) WHEN?!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But the stone warriors from Dimension X find them and try to hunt them down.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Leonardo: (to the Neutrinos) We said we wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, and we mean it. Come on!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(As the turtles leap out of the broken restaurant window to attack, they freeze in mid-air, presumably by the freeze gun coming from one of the stone warriors; we only hear the sound of laser firing, but not see any lasers coming out of the gun)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Uh, guys? You may want to actually fire those weapons instead of just making laser sounds with your mouths.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The clip of the turtles freezing in mid-air and the stone warrior shooting is shown again before cutting to NC pretending to fire with a gun)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Pyew! Pyew, pyew, pyew! Pyew!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But the turtles escape and consult Master Splinter about what to do next.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Zak: Neutrinos, we’ve got to stop Krang!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: Turtles, we’ve got to help them do it!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Michelangelo: Don’t worry, Kala. We won’t let anything happen to you.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Whoa! I’m sensing some strange sporadic sexual tension in the sewers today.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(A screenshot of Michelangelo and Kala are shown with the caption “YAY! Out of nowhere pointless romances!” being shown and a cheering crowd heard in the background)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Donatello) Turtles fight with jailbait!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (normal) So the turtles reach the Technodrome and… (laughs) Wait! How do they just drive the van hundreds of feet underground?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: What, are there, like, tours that go through there?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as a tour guide while a motor coach bus passes by the Technodrome) And to your right, you’ll see a giant Lego igloo.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as the tourists) Ooooh!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (normal) So the turtles break in and start up a fight.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Michelangelo: (rides with the Neutrinos in their car as lasers are being fired at them) There he is! He’s the brains of this operation.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(NC has an image of Brain (from “Pinky and the Brain”) appear between the stone warriors)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Brain (from “Pinky and the Brain”): (audio) Are you pondering what I’m pondering?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Michelangelo and Donatello off to one side near the portal)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: Michelangelo, there’s a barrel of silicone lubricant over there!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Um, lubricant? (Beat) Are you sure that wasn’t intended for a previous episode? (The title screen for the episode “Enter the Shredder” is shown briefly)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to the stone warriors losing their balance in the spilled lubricant before Michelangelo and Donatello push them both through the portal)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: OK, Neutrinos. It’s your turn.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Kala: (waves goodbye in the flying car) Goodbye, you crazy turtles. We’ll miss you.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The Neutrinos fly through the portal)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Michelangelo: We’ll miss you, too. (Tears start to run down his face)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Respective shots of Kala and Michelangelo are shown with Celine Dion singing in the background)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Celine Dion (from the “My Heart Will Go On” music video): (audio, sings) You’re here, there’s nothing I fear.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Theirs was truly a…strange love.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But the turtles have to leave to stop one of the stone warrior’s weapons from destroying the city. They knock it out and head back home, which leads to the final episode in our story arc, “Shredder and Splintered.” (Beat) How confusing. It starts out with the Shredder appearing on the turtles’ TV saying he has a device to turn the mutations back to their original form.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: (on the TV) This is the only thing that can restore Splinter to the form Hamato Yoshi. If you want it, come get it.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): You know, something I never got is that Shredder has known for a long time where the turtles are, so why doesn’t he just take that big fucking Technodrome and squash ‘em?! This whole series would be over if you just use that fucking thing!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to NC’s animation of the turtles in a big brick room)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as one of the turtles) Alright, dudes, let’s go find the Shred—</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The Technodrome bursts through the wall and runs over all the turtles, killing them; it then scrapes over them a couple times to confirm they’re dead)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Back to the episode)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So they (the turtles) try to use one of the leftover Neutrinos cars to get there.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(All the turtles fly out of the hole and ride in the Neutrino car)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: Ow! Now we’re cookin’ with gas! Come on! Yay!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But that doesn’t seem to work well.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The car stalls and lowers to the ground)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Turtles: What now? Come on, who bought this gelatinous piece of junk?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Donatello examining the engine under the hood)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: Hmm, looks like we’re out of fuel.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Michelangelo: What sort of juice does this crate take?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: Uh, plutonium, I think. (He slams the hood down)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: Aw, terrific. Maybe we can get a tow to the nearest plutonium station.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Marty McFly (from “Back to the Future”): You don’t just walk into a store and buy plutonium.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Donatello says he can whip up another form of transportation at Baxter’s lab, but Bebop and Rocksteady find them and try to bash their brains out.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Bebop and Rocksteady in a trash pile dumped on them from a garbage truck and wet concrete from a cement truck starts to pour out onto them)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: Sorry, boys, we got to build a parking lot for your plan.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Donatello) Turtles fight with cement!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Bebop: Come back here and fight!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So as the turtles finally make it to the Technodrome, the Shredder at long last constructs a body for Krang and—Holy hell, who the fuck designed that? That is, like, the strangest, most bizarre…THING I’ve ever seen in my life! He looks like a mix between Dolph Lundgren and that weird giant from “Goonies.” (Ivan Drago from “Rocky IV” and Sloth from “The Goonies” are shown side by side with Krang’s body) I mean, was Boy George designing a wrestler?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to outside the Technodrome with Krang’s body growing to giant side before the turtles)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Krang: Now, wretched reptiles, you will face the wrath of Krang!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): While that’s going on, April goes back to work to try and get a camera crew to film all the action.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: I’m trying to get a story for you!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Burne Thompson (April’s Boss): Trying? Four green maniacs are running loose in this town, and you haven’t brought me…diddly-squat!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Whoa, hey, watch the language, pal!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Footage of Burne saying the word “Diddly-squat!” upon close-up on his mouth is played again in slow motion)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Any further, and we’d be in fiddle-dee-dee territory.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But luckily, she uses all her coaxing techniques to get what she wants. And by coaxing, I mean terrorist threats.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">April: (holds out a small turtle shell she pulled out) It’s a hyper turtle death ray! Now, order me a news crew, or I’ll turn this whole place into a flaming rubble!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Ian Malcolm (from “[[Jurassic Park]]”): She’s, um…tenacious.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Krang makes himself bigger and gets ready to destroy the turtles. But just then, Donatello arrives with his new invention.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: (while guiding the Turtle Blimp and having dropped down a rope ladder) Come on, guys! (All the turtles climb up and join him) Welcome aboard the Turtle Blimp.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (laughs) Well, wait! So he took a piece of equipment the size of a couch and made a freakin’ blimp out of it? He’s like the MacGyver of gods! So two of them sneak into Krang’s body and try to find the device to shrink him down.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Donatello: (points) There it is!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The camera pans to where the Molecular Amplication Unit is located)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Leonardo: (readies one of his katanas) Let’s cut it out of there. (He tries attacking the unit repeatedly, but nothing works)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (rests his head on one hand looking unimpressed) So this is the leader out of the four, huh? Hey, uh, have you ever thought about maybe…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Donatello uses his Bo staff to quickly strike through the unit, destroying it)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Yeah!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Krang: (as he shrinks down in size) Nooooooo!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Krang shrinks down, but Shredder whips out his ray and gets ready to turn them (the turtles) back into ordinary turtles.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Raphael: (is scared) Well, gang, looks like it’s back to the old pet shop for us!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: Far from it. Tonight, I dine on turtle soup.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Uncle Phil (from “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”): With…pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes. (Audience laughter is heard)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Splinter comes out to throw his walking stick at Shredder’s ray gun, destroying it)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: NOOOO!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So the ray is destroyed, but the turtles decide it’s time to stop the Shredder once and for all. So Donatello—who, did I mention, does machines?—figures out the alien technology and sucks the Technodrome itself into Dimension X.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The Technodrome disappears within itself into Dimension X, leaving the turtles behind)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Donatello) Turtles unrealistically master alien technology with honor!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to the Technodrome in Dimension X)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: Nooo!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Krang: At last! I can conquer my own dimension!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: (whines) But I don’t wanna conquer this place! (He takes off his mask, revealing his face) I want to conquer Earth!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (laughs) I love it when the Shredder is just a whiney bitch. That’s when he’s the funniest.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Shredder: (whines) I want to conquer Earth!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as Shredder) I’m an evil mastermind! Now, give me my Earth! (He sucks on his thumb like a baby)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Clips from the first five TMNT episodes play out as NC speaks)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): And those are the first five “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” cartoons. Are they silly? Yes, but for what they’re worth, they’re kind of fun. There’s a lot of good fourth-wall jokes, and the animation on the action scenes is actually pretty impressive at the time. It’s definitely clumsy, though. There’s a lot of wrong voices coming out of the wrong turtles, and there’s a lot of plot threads that also don’t make a lot of sense. For the time, it was pretty good, but it’s definitely aged. However, for my money, I still got some good laughs and good action out of it. As kids shows go, it’s stupid, but it’s enjoyably stupid, and a ton of fun to watch. If you’re ever feeling nostalgic for some awesome turtle action, this is the place to go.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: So thanks for watching my first Raiders of the Story Arc. I hope you enjoyed it, and…hey! Next month is January! You know what that means! (Beat) SEQUEL MONTH!! (His smiling face turns into a frightened one as he pulls out the Dennis Miller Doll once more to press a button behind it)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Dennis Miller Doll: That’s the news, and I am outta here. (It laughs)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">THE END</p>

Channel Awesome Tagline—Donatello: Turtles fight with honor!

==Notes==
* There actually ''is'' an explanation as to how Shredder was getting his camera footage - in "A Thing About Rats", he is shown sending out a pack of flying robot bugs (dubbed "Tubular Transports" in the video games) that capture video for him.

{{NCscripts}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:First Couple: TMNT, The}}
[[Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts]]
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