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The Animated Lord of the Rings
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Release Date
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August 12, 2020
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Running Time
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40:04
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Previous Review
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Next Review
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Link
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(The Channel Awesome logo and NC title sequence are shown)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it–
Voice: Sigh...
NC: (looking around) Hello?
(We then cut to a woman (played by Tamara) wearing a beret and holding a glass of something-or-other in one hand and a book of Tolkien in the other. Beethoven's "Fur Elise" plays in the background)
Woman: Sigh...
NC: Why, do you have something to say, real Tolkien fan?
Tolkien fan: Oh, I was just sighing at the misfortune that you have to review that god-awful animated Lord of the Rings.
NC: The Ralph Bakshi one? Well, I mean...
(Cut to the title card for NC's "Old vs. New" video on "LOTR")
NC (vo): ...I've talked about it before in the past...
NC: ...and even though I do like the Jackson films more, I do think there's a lot of good things about it.
Tolkien fan: No, there's not.
NC: Well, I'm sorry it did nothing for you, but I actually got quite a bit out of it.
Tolkien fan: (smugly) No, you didn't.
NC: Dude, how do you know what I got out of it?
(Cut to a man (played by Malcolm) wearing glasses and a scarf around his neck and smoking a pipe. He speaks in a voice similar to Dignified, of the 3-D Brothers)
Man: Because no real fan would enjoy something so beneath us.
NC: Oh, is that so, real movie fan? God, your parents give you weird names.
Man: Yes, we smelt the stench of this film and wanted to congratulate you for tearing it apart.
NC: Look, I know this film isn't that beloved, but honestly, I think it gets way too much hate.
Man: GASP!
Tolkien fan: Double gasp!
Man: I hope you mean that ironically.
NC: No, I legit really like this film.
Tolkien fan: Are you not aware of the masterpieces that are the Peter Jackson movies?
Man: Though, wait, are we at the point where we dislike them yet?
Tolkien fan: No, we have to wait for one more botched Tolkien project (A shot of a news article is shown in the corner, announcing a Lord of the Rings TV series coming to Amazon Prime) and then we can say we always thought they were overrated.
Man: Ah.
NC: Okay, I know a lot of people make fun of this movie, especially after the Peter Jackson trilogy came out, but I still think there's a lot to praise about it.
Man: Nope, there's nothing.
NC: Not one thing, huh?
Tolkien fan: It's just a crazy film by a crazy man who doesn't under cinema or Tolkien.
(Suddenly, NC hears an explosion and looks offscreen to see Ralph Bakshi (played by Rob) come flying into the room, using Julie Taymor (Tamara) and Spike Lee (Malcolm) as his wings. He drops to the floor, then gets up, his hands balled into fists)
Bakshi: You wanna say that to my face, you elitist bastards?!
NC: Aw, great, you got Ralph Bakshi involved!
Tolkien fan: So what?
NC: It's kind of like social distancing: far away, there's a lot to study; up close, it might be dangerous.
Man: Well, good thing we're extremely far away.
Bakshi: Oh, hey, you got something on your face. Come closer.
Man: (leaning in close) Oh?
(Suddenly, Bakshi reaches out and punches the man)
Man: How did you do that?!
NC: (shaking head) Things rarely make sense with him.
Tolkien fan: Oh, yeah, well, Peter Jackson took years to film his masterpieces, and you lazily told people to draw. I appreciate where the real talent is at.
Bakshi: Oh, you're so right. That's why I mailed you a present for being (points to his head) so smart.
Tolkien fan: (surprised as she sees a box in front of her) Oh, so you have. (laughs) Well... (laughs again) how kind of you (starts to open box) to kindly be so–
(As she opens the box, however, she lets out a scream, as a strange Bakshi-style drawing of a tentacled creature of some kind with teeth pops out and attacks her)
Bakshi: How dare you call me lazy, you brainless, babbling bimbo!
(Shots of invading armies being filmed are shown)
Bakshi (vo): Do you know how many armies I had to direct in the freezing cold? How many directors said this couldn't be filmed? How many fans, including Peter Jackson, may not have heard of "Lord of the Rings" if it weren't for me?!
NC: Yeah, maybe we should give a little background before we go any further.
(The title for this movie is shown, followed by footage of the movie)
NC (vo): First off, nobody, including the people that made it, would call this film perfect, but it did take more steps in furthering recognition for both animation and Tolkien than many give credit.
(Cut to footage of another concurrent animated movie: the Disney movie The Rescuers)
NC (vo): In the '70s, animation was in kind of a strange time. Disney was turning out very few films, and what they did turn out was not as mind-blowing as they once were.
(Now cut to a montage of clips of other Bakshi movies: Heavy Traffic, Fritz the Cat, and Wizards)
NC (vo): So this opened the door for other animators to experiment. Ralph Bakshi found success making animation for adults with a risque style that, much like the man himself, people either love or hate. I love them, if for any other reason just to see how many people would be offended watching them today.
(A clip of Fritz the Cat is shown)
Winston Schwartz (voiced by Judy Engles): Why does a great actor like James Earl Jones always have to play black men?
NC: (his head resting on his hand) God, I love these movies.
(More footage of Bakshi's Lord of the Rings is shown)
NC (vo): But with that said, the idea of Ralph Bakshi making a Lord of the Rings movie seemed as odd as...well, (The poster for Peter Jackson's Meet the Feebles is superimposed) Peter Jackson making a Lord of the Rings movie. Much like Jackson, though, Bakshi pushed the envelope of what could be done in his field and combined his weird take on the world with the love and respect he had for Tolkien's work. Thus, the film ambitiously tried a style of animation rarely tackled on such a grand scale: rotoscope, the art of filming your subject and then animating over them to place them in different styles and environments. Nowadays, people do this all the time with CG and motion capture, but back then, this was the closest you had to putting any character of any design in any world of any design. It was a type of filmmaking that would morph over the years into something that's now very common. With that said, it still didn't have the budget a film like this needed, resulting in a lot of inconsistencies and...maybe some artistic choices that would make more sense in Fritz the Cat than Lord of the Rings. But...that's also part of what makes it so unique. It really isn't a film you can categorize in one box. So, even though I've compared this film to Jackson's in the past, I want to take a closer look at it just on its own, to see what works, what doesn't, and even what could never fall into either category.
NC: So let's look at the good, the bad and... (shrugs) whatever you call the strangeness of Bakshi...
Bakshi: Do you mind if I'm upside-down for a minute?
NC: Sure.
Bakshi: (now upside-down from the ceiling) Thank you.
Tolkien fan: (battered from the mauling she received) That doesn't make sense, and therefore, it's bad!
Bakshi: Boom! You're a dog's head now.
(The Tolkien fan is revealed to now be a dog's head floating in midair)
Tolkien fan: So I am. (falls to the ground with a crash)
NC: This is 1978's Lord of the Rings.
NC (vo): The film opens with simple but effective shadow play, giving the backstory about the One Ring to rule them all, made by the Dark Lord, Sauron.
(Sauron, in shadow, attacks and kills his enemies by impaling them on his sword)
Narrator: With the One Ring, Middle-earth's his, and he cannot be overcome.
NC: (as narrator) Even the Elves'...
(Shots of crude shadow puppets are shown in the corner)
NC (vo; as narrator): ...dog and bunny impressions did nothing. (normal again) The ring is chopped off and passed from person to person, eventually ending up in the hands of a Hobbit named Gollum... who will look less like Doc Brown with Wreck-It Ralph hands. It's found by Bilbo Baggins, the Hobbit, who takes it home to the Shire...
(We see a whole crowd of Hobbits having a huge party together)
NC: (confused) ...currently being directed...
(As we cut back to the Hobbits, a shot of Bilbo Baggins from Rankin-Bass' concurrent version of The Hobbit is shown in the corner)
NC (vo): ...Rankin-Bass... and decides, years later, it's time to leave. His friend Gandalf the Wizard wishes him well...ish.
Gandalf (voiced by William Squire): Have you left the ring for Frodo as we agreed?
Biblo (voiced by Norman Bird): It's mine, I tell you! My precious...
(He holds up a dagger to Gandalf, who advances on him, unafraid of the dagger)
Gandalf: Do not say that again! (holds up fist at Bilbo who drops his dagger, scared)
NC: (as Gandalf) Don't make me slap you with (holds up hand) my ring finger! (looks at hand) Oh, that's right, I'm not married. (reaches out) Give me that! (pretends to put "ring" on finger, then makes a slapping motion)
NC (vo): He snaps him back to his senses, and Bilbo leaves, never to return.
Narrator: Seventeen years passed sleepily in the Shire.
NC (vo; as narrator): In a very sloppy edit.
(Frodo has moved into Bilbo's old home when he hears a knock on the door, which he answers)
Frodo: Gandalf!
NC (vo): Well, that was about a half hour for the Jackson film in six minutes. Usually, there's (The logo for 30-Second Bunnies Theatre is shown on the left) bunnies or (The title for The Lord of the Rings in 5 Seconds is shown on the right) an A.D.D. idiot required for such a crunch.
Frodo: It's the ring, isn't it? Bilbo's funny magic ring. You always used to look like that when you talked about it.
NC: That is one of the things you'll notice, though: because it is so short, and they have to cram in so much, every scene counts.
NC (vo): They have to make you feel like this world is real, establish these characters, make you like these characters, and squeeze in a buttload of story, and with almost (The running time for this movie is shown: 2 hours and 15 minutes) one-third the running time and (The cost of the movie is shown: $8 million) one-eleventh the budget, it's amazing they did this as well as they did, usually keeping good pacing and an animation style that was very mature for its time.
(Cut to a clip of the then-concurrent Disney movie, The Rescuers)
NC (vo): Compare this to what Disney was putting out a year earlier. There was usually big movements, goofy voices, kid-friendly stuff, like most animation then.
(Cut back to Lord of the Rings)
NC (vo): This, moved much more dramatically, quietly. It wasn't afraid to give you slower moments, despite being in such a time crunch.
NC: (holds up index finger) But with that said, it is still a Bakshi film, which of course means there's gonna be some weird, over-the-top moments as well.
NC (vo): Like, how about this weird pointing?
Gandalf: (pointing to Frodo, with his finger frozen) You are the one who has the ring now.
(Gandalf's finger is frozen while the rest of his body moves)
NC: What are you gonna do, shoot me with that thing?
(Gandalf's pointing finger is edited to look like the tip is opening, revealing an opening in a gun)
NC (vo): JESUS!!
(Gandalf's finger gun actually fires!)
NC (vo): It's almost silent film acting, which creates a strange contrast sometimes with the usually grounded voiceovers.
Gandalf: ...until he passes into the world of shadows. (spins around in a circle)
Kang (vo; audio from The Simpsons): ...and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!
NC (vo): Even Frodo sometimes gives a face like, (A shot of Frodo looking rather disgusted/confused is shown) "What the hell is going right now?" Regardless, the film still holds your attention as Gandalf tells Frodo the ring is evil and he cannot use it, as he will become too dangerous.
Frodo: And I suppose I must keep the ring and guard it? And I hope to go away somewhere alone. They won't bother the Shire if the ring isn't here.
NC: I know I've said it before, but I really do like the way this film gets going better than the other one.
NC (vo): I think a lot of that is because Frodo takes more initiative and responsibility in this.
(Cut to Frodo in the Jackson films)
NC (vo): He doesn't just solve a riddle and then fall or cry. Sometimes both.
(Cut back to the animated film)
NC (vo): For all the pros this movie has, though, it does cost us a ganji.
Gandalf: (to Sam, having brought him out) What have you heard, and why did you listen?
Sam: (to Frodo, who runs up) Oh, Mr. Frodo, sir!
NC (vo; as Gandalf): What is that performance? Why are you acting that way? Stop it!
Sam: (to Frodo) Don't let him turn me into anything unnatural!
NC (vo): Yeah, I guess the idea of Sam was he was supposed to be the comedic levity...
(Cut to a clip of Merry and Pippin in the Jackson films)
NC (vo): ...the same way Merry and Pippin were in the Jackson film...
(Cut back to Sam)
NC (vo): ...but man, every time I see him, he gets worse.
Sam: Me go and see the elves? Oh, my! Oh, hooray!
Jar Jar Binks: (audio from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace) Wesa goin' home!!
NC (vo): On the one hand, I guess the exaggerated simplicity does make his dedication to Frodo all the more touching.
(Sexy jazz music plays during one scene as Sam looks toward Frodo with a suggestive smile)
NC (vo): Not that way. You know what?
NC: Take it that way, I don't care anymore.
NC (vo): But I'm sorry, the Sam from the book does not deserve doody-doo music.
(Said doody-doo music plays as Sam dances in front of Galadriel. He giggles and leaves. Then cut briefly to a clip of The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, showing Brom Bones shuddering, which NC imitates. Then cut back to Lord of the Rings)
NC (vo): Despite Sam-I-Ain't, Frodo starts his journey, bringing Merry and Pippin along, as Gandalf meets Saruman at (A shot of Skeletor's lair is shown in the corner) Skeletor's hideout.
Gandalf: (to Saruman) I have come for your aid in troubled times. The Nine are abroad! Darkness approaches! The Black Riders!
NC: God, I want to start every conversation that way!
(Cut to a purple-haired Heather, who is reading "Sandman". Her cell phone rings and she answers it. It's NC)
NC: I have come for you aid in troubled times. The Nine are abroad! Darkness approaches! The Black Riders!
Heather: (confused) I'm changing my number.
NC: I'm honestly shocked it took you this long.
(Heather turns off her phone and puts it away. Then we cut back to the movie)
NC (vo): But Gandalf discovers Saruman is totally Syltherin.
Saruman: A new age is upon us. A new power is rising.
Gandalf: You are saying that we should join with Mordor?
NC (vo; as Gandalf): You are the worst Santa in our (?)! You wish the children Happy Life Day, don't you?
Saruman: Would you rather see the dark lord have it? (shucks robe, revealing a bright light) Or Saruman of many colors! (Gandalf recoils at the bright light)
NC (vo): Saruman flashes Gandalf and leaves him on top of his tower via Jackson Pollock staff. Our Hobbit friends aren't doing much better, as they are confronted by a Black Rider.
(While the Hobbits are hiding, the Black Rider stops above their hiding place and looks around, sniffing. Frodo holds up the ring, which shakes in his hand)
NC (vo): I like how twisted and otherworldly he [the Black Rider] looks, though the sounds he makes can be a little much.
(The Black Rider makes strange sounds as he looks around, which sound rather like he's yawning)
NC: (confused) Was that a sound of defeat or a guy...
NC (vo): ...getting a blowjob while stretching?
(NC stretches his arms while making the strange sounds of the Black Rider, then becomes startled and rolls up his eyes. He then takes on the expression of pure pleasure with his eyes rolled up. Then, as the Black Rider leaves, the Hobbits come out of hiding)
NC (vo): Merry and Pippin admit they're aware of Frodo's mission and they're coming with him whether he likes it or not.
Merry: You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin to the bitter end. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone and go off without a word.
NC: It's funny, Merry and Pippin in this version feel more like real people, but not real people I know very well.
(A clip of Merry and Pippin in the Jackson films is shown)
NC (vo): Where in Jackson's film, they feel more like movie characters, but they're very fleshed-out movie characters.
(Cut back to the animated version)
NC (vo): While I like this version fine, I will admit I don't really know the difference between them, apart from Merry's the one that makes this weird Humphrey the Bear face.
(Merry smiles goofily at Frodo, accompanied by the sound of Humphrey saying, "Hah...")
Frodo: Bless you, you deceitful scoundrels.
Hobbits: Hooray!
NC (vo): They make it to the inn, where the animation looks a little...
(Inside the tavern, the characters almost look like live actors, even though they're still animated)
NC: (looks up in thought) ...too real?
NC (vo): This is in part because the cinematographer who shot the footage to rotoscope said he could solarize it, overexposing the film and coloring it to make it look more real and save time. On characters like the Orcs, it looks good, but on regular people, it doesn't jell as well as the more expressive line work. The backgrounds, you may notice, are also a little inconsistent; sometimes, bright and colorful, and other times, more sketchy, like out of a book illustration.
(Cut back to the bespectacled man smoking the pipe)
Man: Exactly, less consistency means less art.
Bakshi: (holding up fist to him) You say something, Colonel Dingus?!
Man: (panicked, gesturing the Tolkien fan with his pipe) It was her!
Tolkien fan: (now human again, but disheveled) Huh?!
(She is suddenly crushed by a deranged-looking animation of a strange-looking, two-headed man, one of whose heads is in his stomach, which roars)
NC: That does bring up a good question, Bakshi: why do the backgrounds vary?
NC (vo): I mean, sometimes, they look like something out of Sleeping Beauty, and other times, they don't even look entirely finished.
Bakshi: Oh, I'm sorry, did you want (holds up index finger) one style, like in the Jackson films?
NC: They are pretty...
Man: And consistent.
Bakshi: WHAT WAS THAT?!
Man: (again gesturing toward the Tolkien fan) Her again.
(The Tolkien fan gets crushed by a strange animation of an octopus. Then we cut to a clip of the movie again)
Bakshi (vo): You see, in animation, you're not just bound to one style.
(Cut to a montage of shots of American Pop, which have a wide range of styles)
Bakshi (vo): Like in American Pop, the backgrounds reflected the style of whatever time period we were in.
(Cut back again to Lord of the Rings)
Bakshi (vo): So, why not do the same thing with fantasy? In a calm and more relaxed environment, you could go for more solid lines and cooler colors. In a more rustic environment, you can go for more of a paperback illustration. And in a more threatening environment, go more abstract to become more intense and otherworldly.
Bakshi: You see, you can't do that in live action, only animation. Why settle for only one style of fantasy, when you could have several?
NC: Well, you're certainly throwing everything at the dartboard to see what sticks.
Bakshi: Actually, that inspires me.
NC: Really?
(Suddenly, the bespectacled man ducks down as several darts are thrown at him, sticking in the wall. Then we cut back to the movie again)
NC (vo): While going for a walk, Merry is exposed to con funk and passes out. Back at the inn, the hobbits come across Aragorn, played by John Hurt. A lot of people took issue that he looked different from the book, having more of a Native American design. (scoffs) Imagine, replacing a white dude with a different ethnicity.
(As he says this, shots of various white characters played by nonwhite actors are shown, including Michael B. Jordan as the Human Torch in Fant4stic and Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. Then these images are replaced by a woman)
NC (vo): Next, you'll be telling me the live-action reference for Frodo was a woman. But John Hurt's performance still gives me chills for how good it is.
Aragorn: Lothlorien is a place of healing. There is no evil in it, unless a man brings evil there with him.
(Cut to a shot of Viggo Mortensen in the Jackson movies)
NC (vo): I can see Viggo Mortensen as a ranger, but not as king.
(Cut back to Aragorn in the Bakshi film)
NC (vo): This dude? I can easily see as both, even when he says lines like this...
Aragorn: They'll come on you in the wild.
NC: Okay, that's a different Bakshi movie. (The poster for Hey Good Lookin' is shown in the corner)
(They then hear the sound of knocking at the door)
Merry: Frodo! Frodo, I've seen them!
(Aragorn backs up against the wall behind the door, which flies open as Merry and the innkeeper run in)
NC (vo; as Aragorn): Oh! Son of a bitch!
Merry: I've seen them! I've seen them!
(Aragorn emerges from behind the door.)
NC (vo; as Aragorn): I don't need this! I was the first to die in Alien!
Innkeeper: (to Aragorn) Save us!
Frodo: Strider came to offer me his help.
Innkeeper: (scowling) In your place, I wouldn't take up with a ranger out of the wild.
NC: (as innkeeper) Did I mention my split personality? It changes opinions in literally seconds!
Innkeeper: (as the word "BEFORE" appears) Save us! (Cut to "LITERALLY 7 SECONDS LATER", as per subtitles) In your place, I wouldn't take up with a ranger out of the wild.
(Cut to a clip of The Lion King)
Timon: (aggravated) DID I MISS SOMETHING?!
(Cut back to Lord of the Rings)
NC (vo): I really love how Aragorn makes it clear he's not messing around in this scene, though it is a little jaded when you see his weapon.
Aragorn: If I wanted the ring for myself, I could have it. Now. (draws sword, whose tip seems to have been cut off)
NC: (as Aragorn) Oh, dammit, a full sword was supposed to come out of that! Please be intimidated! Just imagine it's sharp at the end of that!
NC (vo): The hobbits agree to go with him as, later that night, the Black Riders sneak in and give a harsh wakeup call.
(The Riders start slashing at the hobbits' beds, trying to kill them. One of them lets out a roar)
NC (vo; as another Rider): Use your words, Frank! He's always like this when he doesn't get his Apple Jacks. (They notice, however, that the beds are empty) What the hell?!
(Screaming, the Riders raise their swords in the air. Aragorn and the hobbits are sleeping in the attic, safe from the Riders)
NC (vo): They fool the Black Riders and make their way toward Weathertop.
Aragorn: But Luthien Tenuviel was the daughter of a king of elves.
NC (vo): It's pretty cool that Aragorn tells a story that will mirror his own, with an elf falling in love with a human, sacrificing her immortality for him.
(Cut to a similar scene in the Jackson films)
NC (vo): It's nice foreshadowing, even if it's only explored in the Jackson films.
(Cut back to the animated film)
Aragorn: She followed him. And so he was her doom. But he was her love as well.
(Cut to another shot of Luthien in the Jackson films)
NC (vo; as Aragorn): Oh, and her life force was also tied to a ring of power...for absolutely...no...reason...
NC: (shaking head) Yeah, that will never make sense.
NC (vo): The Black Riders surround our heroes, who are terrified and...maybe a little stoned, but Frodo puts on the ring.
Aragorn: (seeing Frodo) No!
(It's too late, as after putting the ring on, Frodo disappears, appearing in a strange dimension with the Riders)
NC (vo; as Rider): Hi, guy...!
(As Frodo and the Rider fight with their swords, the Rider breaks off Frodo's blade and jabs its own sword into his chest. Then Aragorn appears and chases off the Riders with torches)
NC (vo): The Black Riders are chased off, and the shard slowly starts to make its way into Frodo's heart.
(Legolas arrives on his horse towards Aragorn and the hobbits)
NC (vo): Oh, I thought Arwon wasn't in this movie.
Aragorn: Legolas!
NC (vo): They come across Legolas, played by Anthony Daniels, and I never did mind that both versions switched up who they come across, as in the book, they're approached by Glorfendel...
(Cut to a clip of Guardians of the Galaxy)
Korath: Who?
NC (vo): ...exactly. So I think this make more sense.
Legolas: I have been on the road for nine days.
Sam: Mr. Frodo has been on the road a lot longer than that, and he needs a rest!
NC (vo; as Legolas): Am I going to have to cut a Hobbitch?
(The Black Riders catch up with our heroes)
NC (vo): The Black Riders catch up, but luckily they have Aragorn to protect–
(The Black Riders rush up and Aragorn dodges)
NC (vo): They have Legolas to protect...
Legolas: Fly! Fly, the enemy is upon us!
NC (vo): You know, Frodo, just run. I'm not entirely sure why everything goes slower here, like he put the ring on or why Frodo suddenly sounds like a ten-year-old in this one line...
Frodo: Go back!
NC: Maybe he went through the same five puberties as the Sword in the Stone kid did.
(Cut to a clip of that movie, as we see Wart carrying a very tall stack of dishes)
Wart: Oh, Sir Ector...
(He stumbles and falls down the stairs, yelling and dropping the dishes as he does so. Then cut back to Lord of the Rings)
NC (vo): But the scene is still creepy, like something out of a fever dream.
Rider: Come back. To Mordor we will take you.
NC: They sound nice, take a chance.
NC (vo): The river rises up against the evil Riders and Frodo wakes up in Rivendale.
Frodo: (tossing and turning in bed) Barely I can't. I get it onto you. No! Never!
NC (vo; as Frodo): Get off me, Sam!
Gandalf: Yes. I am here.
NC (vo): They heal Frodo up, and Gandalf tells him how he escaped from Saruman.
Gandalf: The Great Eagle, Gwaihir, came and answered to my call, Saruman was never payed enough attention to animals.
NC: Much to his father Sam Eagle's discontent.
(Cut to a clip of an episode of The Muppet Show)
Sam Eagle: Freakos, one; civilization, zero.
(Cut back to Lord of the Rings)
NC (vo): He's reunited with Bilbo, who naturally, wants to see the one ring one more time.
(Bilbo nervously walks towards Frodo as he show him the ring and NC makes crazy sounds as Bilbo freaks out, which sound rather like noises made by the Three Stooges)
Bilbo: Put it away.
NC (vo): They call a council where many have different ideas what should be done with the one ring.
Boromir (Michael Graham Cox): I am Boromir. In a dream, I heard a voice crying to me, "Seek for the sword that was broken."
Aragorn: (holding up broken sword) Here is the sword of Eledelvav Gondor.
NC: Okay, I know I said I wouldn't do that many comparisons to the Jackson films, as I really do like them more and I think they are better put together, but... God, I love how they talk in this film!
(Cut to a clip of the Jackson films)
NC (vo): It's in the other version, too, but you also have pandering lines like central nervous systems, and dwarf women have beards, and mission...quest...thing. Here, they just go for it.
(Cut back to the animated film)
CN (vo): Everyone talks with that epic demeanor that was in the book. When someone starts off a sentence with "In a dream", I actually want to know what that dream's about, as opposed to that friend who's just going to end the sentence with, "Isn't that weird?"
Boromir: In a dream, I heard a voice crying to me, "Seek for the sword that was broken."
(Cut to a clip from an episode of Seinfeld)
Woman: And you had these wooden teeth.
Jerry Seinfeld: How do you like that?
(Cut back again to the film)
NC (vo): Frodo says it makes the most sense for him to go to Mordor and drop the ring into Mount Doom. Thus, the fellowship is formed to help him on his journey. The storm gets too powerful, though, so they discuss the possibility of going through the mines of Moria.
Aragorn: We might go by way the gap of Rohan.
Gandalf: That would take the ring too close to Isangard and Aruman!
NC: Okay, I always wonder, Bakshi, how come half the time they don't say "Saruman", they say "Aruman"? They dropped the S.
Bakshi: Well, that was the s-s-s-studio's fault!
NC: Really? Seems like an odd call.
Bakshi (vo): Oh, yeah, no, get this: halfway through, one of the producers decided that Sauron and Saruman sound so similar, so he decided to change his name to Aruman!
(A series of clips is shown of characters saying "Aruman" instead of "Saruman")
Gandalf: The Wizard, Aruman. / And Aruman!
(Cut)
Boromir: That should've been his friend, Aruman!
(Cut)
Frodo: Oh, it must be Aruman.
(Cut)
Gimli (David Buck): It's Aruman!
Bakshi (vo): By the time I found this out, the lines were already recorded, and I couldn't get every actor back to rerecord them!
NC: Really? You couldn't do ADR?
Bakshi: Well, we did it in one scene.
(Said scene is shown)
Frodo: But he said to leave as soon as we could. And Merry and Pippin insisted on coming with us as far as Breev.
NC: Okay, maybe it's best you didn't try.
Bakshi: I guess I've could've made an S sound and put it at the beginning of his name.
Gandalf: How long since Saruman? / Only because Saruman is kind! / Saruman's poisoned... / Too close to Isangard and Saruman!
Bakshi: Better?
NC: Stranger.
Bakshi: That means it's better!
(We go to a commercial. Upon return, the movie resumes as we see our heroes making their way to the mines of Moria)
NC (vo): The fellowship makes it to the mine's entrance when tentacle hentai grabs Frodo.
Sam: I'm coming, Mr. Frodo!
NC (vo; as Frodo): Oh, thank God. I'm saved. (normal) I love how Boromir pushes Sam like he's not even helping in the slightest. He can't even stand after such a light nudge. (as Boromir) Yes, Sam, you're saving the day. Piss off and play with your G.I. Joes, you little idiot!
Gandalf: Into the gateway, all of you!
NC (vo; as the monster): And stay in!
NC (vo): They slowly but surely, make their way through, with Gandalf staying calm and collected.
Gandalf: Be quiet, Pippin! / Be still! / What's that?! / Be quiet! / Both of you! / Throw yourself in next time!
Pippin: I don't want to stay here.
NC (vo; as Gandalf): Doooh! I almost slapped you. (normal) But orcs attack.
Frodo: For the Shire!
(Frodo stabs the orc's foot and he makes a pirate face)
NC (vo; in a pirate's voice): Arggh, me. Mousekeeters! (normal) Yeah, she was a Mousekeeter too, spin the wheel of random!
(A clip from the game show Wheel of Fortune is shown on the top left screen)
Aragorn: Come no closer! Come no closer, I warn you!
NC (vo; as Aragorn): Oh. I can't believe that worked. Um, could you stab yourselves next? That would be very helpful.
NC (vo): They're approached by the Bellrog, and Gandalf breaks the bridge, causing him to fall. With seeing how he has wings, I question.
(The rope ties around Gandalf's legs and he falls down the pit with a Goofy Holler sound effect added in)
NC (vo): He takes Gandalf with him and our heroes mourn by leaning on each other. Literally, Legolas leans on Pippin, what the hell?
Boromir: Out of Moraili into the golden wood, is there no way less parouless?!
[...]
NC (vo): But Merry and Pippin come across orgs nearby.
NC (vo; as a org): We prefer virtacally impaired. (normal) Boromir tries to save them, but in a grizzly scene right out of Game of Thrones, arrow after arrow leads to his bloody death.
[...]
NC (as org leader): And you six on the left, MOVE!
NC (vo; as org leader): You look like Vegas mimes who died!
[...]
NC (vo): The film does a good job making you think this might actually be their last stand before... you know everything started that fake-out. But Gandalf brings an army in time, as well as the theme to Star Trek 4.
NC (vo): They fight back the orcs, Gandalf throws his sword in the air, it presumably falls on Legolas...
NC (vo; as Legolas): Dah! Didn't even get a 3PO joke!
NC (vo): ...and we're given one the main reasons people hated this movie when it first came out.
Narrator: That ends the first part of the history of the war of the ring.
NC: Yep, nobody was told this was a two-parter.
NC (vo): Despite Bakshi saying people would be pissed, the film was advertised as simply Lord of the Rings. Not part one, not Fellowship of the Ring, not even The Two Towers, just Lord of the Rings, all in one movie. Both newcomers and fans of the books were furious, to the point where when it was released on DVD, a longer narration made it very clear, this was part one, depsite there never being a part two.
Narrator: So too ends the first great tale of the Lord of the Rings.
NC (vo): The thought was folks wouldn't pay to see only one half of a movie, not knowing they'd even more pissed if they were straight up lied to.
Tolkien fan: Ah, so the film was such a disapointment, they never made a sequel.
NC: Not exactly.
NC (vo): Rankin-Bass, the people who made the animated Hobbit, also made an animated Return of the King.
(Screenshots from the animated Return of the King are shown)
NC (vo): It's completely different in style, but it does wrap up the story if anyone wanted to see an animated ending.
Man: But nevertheless, the film bombed so hard, no one would dare dream to make another.
NC: Actually, despite the hate it gets, it was a finnacial success.
Man: What?
NC (vo): In fact, it inspired other adaptations of Lord of the Rings, including a popular radio production that even brought in some of the actors from the film. The sequel wasn't made because so many people were pissed off at it, and Bakshi eventually had a falling out with the producers.
Man: Well, whatever as long as people hate it.
NC: Well, there's certainly many of those, but I really feel like something's being lost by completely dismissing it.