[After the Channel Awesome logo is shown, we see Tamara playing a godlike woman called Muse. The caption of her name is shown as a whispering voice says it. We see Malcolm playing an animator in the year 1995, looking at his offscreen boss]
[The boss growls and leaves, leaving Malcolm wondering]
Malcolm: Oh, man. How am I gonna make a movie about talking toys any good?
[The Muse is shown again; she walks over to Malcolm and puts a glow on his head before leaving. Something makes Malcolm smile in inspiration]
Malcolm: I got it!
[He types eagerly on his computer. We are then shown the box office results of Toy Story, which is $373.5 million USD, as an audience is heard applauding. Then we see Jim Jarosz playing an animator in the year 2014, listening to his offscreen boss]
Angry boss: Blah-blah-blah, I want a cinematic Lego commercial written by tomorrow morning!
[The boss mutters and leaves]
Jim: How am I gonna make a giant ad for building blocks good?
[The Muse is shown again; she walks over to Jim and puts a glow on his head before leaving. Something makes Jim smile in inspiration]
Jim: I got it.
[He types eagerly on his laptop. We are then shown the box office results of The Lego Movie, which is $469.1 million USD, as an audience is heard applauding. Then we see Doug Walker playing an animator in 2016, who is playing something on his phone while his offscreen boss is yelling]
Angry boss: Blah-blah-blah, I want an Angry Birds movie written by the end of the day! Slam!
[The boss leaves. The Muse is shown again; she approaches Doug and is about to touch his head. However, without noticing her, Doug takes out a gun and shoots Muse dead. While continuing to play on his phone, he looks at the camera]
Doug: It's Angry Birds.
[The 2018 NC opening plays out, before showing NC in his room]
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Who says there can't be good video game movies? (Brings out an Angry Bird plush) Goddamn Angry Birds does!
[The title of The Angry Birds Movie is shown, before showing its clips]
NC (vo): Based on the hit game from 2009, Angry Birds was a phenomenon that practically took over the world. (An image of Angry Birds merchandise is shown, as well as various video games) Everybody loved its simple premise, easy gameplay, and quirky style. So, of course, Sony leaped at the opportunity to make a film at the height of its popularity nine years later. Yeah. Nine years! What took them so long? Were they actually waiting for this to get nostalgic to cash in on it? Or, hey, maybe they just really wanted to get it right before unleashing their cinematic opus. Well, judging by what we got, Angry Birds probably spent as much time on its story as...
NC: ...well, Angry Birds. (Brief footage of the video game is shown)
NC (vo): It's remarkably lazy in so many ways, but apparently was still a big hit, even warranting a friggin' sequel. Why? Because to quote Friedrich Nietzsche, "God is dead, and you killed him...with Angry Birds."
NC: We never knew what he meant by that last part, but now we do.
NC (vo): Despite it making a ton of cash, there are so many critics and audience members that just hated this movie. Ever since it was announced, I had people asking me to review it, and ever since it came out, I had even more people asking me to review it. Sadly, it's both popular enough and bad enough to warrant attention.
NC: Let's take a look at what these birdbrains came up with. This is Angry Birds: The Movie.
[The movie starts with the main character, Red, running through the bird village while holding an egg]
NC (vo): So we start off this barrel of fresh ideas with the incredibly original opening of somebody running late. Well, if this fresh, new idea worked in (Posters and images of what he describes are all shown) Back to the Future, Green Lantern, Lilo & Stitch, Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Big Fat Liar, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alice in Wonderland, Tommy Boy,Cat Returns, Spider-Man 2, Brazil, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Gremlins, Mulan, and an animated trope so well known, there's countless images of people running late with toast in their mouths...