Channel Awesome
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' And so they activated the device and Grabby decides to use the test as his chance to absorb power and take over the master computer. And he does so, drawing in all the power from the machine as they begin doing... science or whatever to a giant brick with the word "Jell-O" written on it.
 
'''Linkara (v/o):''' And so they activated the device and Grabby decides to use the test as his chance to absorb power and take over the master computer. And he does so, drawing in all the power from the machine as they begin doing... science or whatever to a giant brick with the word "Jell-O" written on it.
   
'''Dr. Goodtaste:''' Grabby? You did this? B-but why?
+
'''Dr. Goodtaste:''' Grabby? You did this? B-But why?
   
 
'''Grabby:''' Eep! Because I want '''all''' the <u>Jell-O</u> desserts in the world...
 
'''Grabby:''' Eep! Because I want '''all''' the <u>Jell-O</u> desserts in the world...
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'''Grabby:''' And now, I'm going to get them. The master computer will deliver it all to me!
 
'''Grabby:''' And now, I'm going to get them. The master computer will deliver it all to me!
   
'''Dr. Goodtaste:''' B-but then kids all around the world wouldn't have any?
+
'''Dr. Goodtaste:''' B-But then kids all around the world wouldn't have any?
   
 
'''Linkara:''' Are you seriously telling me that there are NO employees who would look at this and go, "Hmm, all the Jell-O is now going to one single place, our own laboratory. That's weird." ''(throws up his hands in disbelief)'' This system is stupid.
 
'''Linkara:''' Are you seriously telling me that there are NO employees who would look at this and go, "Hmm, all the Jell-O is now going to one single place, our own laboratory. That's weird." ''(throws up his hands in disbelief)'' This system is stupid.

Revision as of 17:53, 24 September 2017

The Adventures of Jell-O Man and Wobbly 1

Jello man wobbly linkara

Released
August 4, 2014
Running time
19:54
Previous review
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Tagline
The comic that makes the Adventures of the Kool-Aid Man seem grounded and logical.
Link


(Linkara is on the futon masked with a confused look. He looks up and reads the title of today's episode. Note: If you're watching this on YouTube, you'd be confused about what he's doing, but at Channelawesome.com, it makes more sense.)

Linkara: (long pause) Adventures... (another pause) WHAT?!!

(Opening title with theme, followed by title card, with the opening to "Another Brick in the Wall" by Pink Floyd playing; fade to Linkara still confused looking at the comic)

Linkara: So, kids, wanna have a comic about a food mascot but the Kool-Aid Man is too busy teaming up with Captain Crunch to fight the Soggies? Well, look no more. We've got "Jell-O Man and Wobbly"! (beat) No, seriously. WHAT?!

(Cut to images of the Kool-Aid Man comic)

Linkara (v/o): Okay, speaking of the Kool-Aid Man, some people have questioned my... rather mystified and angry reaction to the mere existence of a comic book based around the Kool-Aid Man. In retrospect, it's probably an overreaction considering the legitimately awful works out there that I've seen: the offensive and the truly brain-numbing. It's just some harmless food comic after all. No, I guess my frustration is just more that the entire process behind its creation. That someone had the idea to get Marvel to make a Kool-Aid Man comic, MULTIPLE Kool-Aid Man comics in fact, and then said about writing them, drawing them, editing them, and just NOBODY in the entire process stopped themselves from making it.

(Clip from Jurassic Park)

Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum): You're so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.

Linkara: But hey, Marvel, you got money out of it, no doubt. You make comics regularly, so this was probably just some sweet business deal for you. (chuckles) Not quite seeing that for this one!

(Cut to a shot of the Jello-Man and Wobbly comic)

Linkara (v/o): Admittedly, the company that did publish the book, Welsh Publishing Group, was eventually sold to Marvel, but I'm almost dead certain that this was made before that sale. What little information I could find on the company indicates that they mostly did licensed stuff, and even then, they were more of a magazine publisher than a comic company. Either way, Kraft Food apparently commissioned this thing as a promotional tie-in, and it wasn't even for sale normally. (looks at the issue cover) It's a "$1.25 value", but that's just equivalent pricing. And yet it's also a "collector's edition!"

Linkara: I'd say we needed a Mr. T trading card to give this collector's edition real value, but honestly, I don't think Mr. T would sacrifice his dignity for this.

(Cut to footage of a Jell-O commercial with Jell-O Man)

Linkara (v/o): I could only find one Jell-O Man commercial on YouTube, where he apparently has the voice of a cooler, more subdued John Wayne. Go figure. I also heard, at the height of The Simpsons' popularity, there was an attempt to get Bart to be the spokesperson for Jell-O. They turned down the idea for it and instead created Jell-O Man. It just goes to show the wisdom that went behind this comic.

Linkara: But is there room in this world for such a thing like Jell-O Man to exist?

(Cut to a clip of Ghostbusters)

Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray): Oh, come on, there's always room for Jell-O.

Linkara: There, got that joke out of the way. (holds up Jell-O Man comic) Let's dig into "The Adventures of Jell-O Man and Wobbly #1".

Linkara (v/o): Before you ask, no, there is no second issue. Yeesh, even the Kool Aid Man got a few issues. Poor Jell-O Man. His existence is already spitting at the face of evolution by being a creature with an O-shaped head and made of a material that is highly edible, but he only gets a one-shot. And what's the deal with his hair? Is it whipped cream? Is it actual hair? Eww, hair on my Jell-O! Oh, but there are so many other questions about his anatomy. The eyebrows, for instance. What are they attached to? Are they attached to him? What are they made out of? Does he have teeth? Does Jell-O Man need to eat, too? How does he hear anything without any functioning ears? Is it like reading the sound vibrations across the gelatin form? How are his legs pivoting? Does he have a bone structure? Wobbly appears to be a doglike creature. What are its legs and tail made out of? Eww, it has a tongue!

Contents: The Secret of Jell-O Man's Origin!

Linkara: The secret is that we consume his kind. (Whispers to the camera) Soylent Green is made from Jell-O.

Contents: Museum Mystery.

Linkara: I should really just do a Let's Play of Museum Madness at some point, but I feel like there's some other Let's Play series I should be working on.

Contents: The Outer Space Case!

Linkara: Kool Aid Man did it first! (pauses to think about some strange question) You know, I'm actually legitimately curious. If the Kool Aid Man boils in space, what happens to Jell-O Man?

Linkara (v/o): Hell, Jell-O Man is even is even trying to steal the Kool Aid Man's shtick. Look, he's bursting out of a wall. (as Kool Aid Man) Oh, No!! We open with... well, "The Outrageous Origins of Jell-O Man and Wobbly!"

Linkara: I've barely started this and already it feels like "outrageous" will be an understatement.

Linkara (v/o): We see two scientists walking into some kind of top-secret laboratory. It's the Secret Jell-O Research Center, according to a sign, not sure why they needed to have that on the inside of the lab, but I'm not a scientist, and we see... um, either images or TV screens featuring planes, boats, and trucks that all have Jell-O written on them.

Linkara: "US-1" never realized that his true enemy was the man in the Jell-O truck.

Dr. Snackens: It's amazing Dr. Goodtaste!

Linkara: Seriously? Doctor Goodtaste?! What kind of a dumbass name is that? Hey, Harvey Finevoice! Can you think of a dumber name than that?

Harvey Finevoice: (offscreen) In the middle of something, kid.

Dr. Snackens: How can this one computer keep every store in the world stocked with Jell-O desserts?

(Clip from a Dr. Insano informercial sketch)

Dr. Insano: With science, of course!

Dr. Goodtaste: It's simple, Snackens!

Linkara: (slightly aggrivated) "Snackens". I should be pissed off, but really I'm just amazed that he didn't end up as a snack-themed supervillain.

Dr. Goodtaste: The computer is programmed to keep track of every store's supply. When they begin to run low, it automatically ships new Jell-O pudding, gelatin and all the rest.

Linkara: (as Goodtaste) We've put thousands of people out of work by making this entirely automated. We're the basis for an episode of The Twilight Zone.

Dr. Snackens: This computer is not only efficient. It's fascinating to watch, too.

Dr. Goodtaste: Make a note of that, Grabby.

Linkara: Make a note that it's fascinating to watch a computer work?

Linkara (v/o): Yes, the robot is named Grabby and I guess his sole function is to take notes for them hence the ticker tape coming out of his head. Grabby, however, is resentful of his duties.

Grabby: Kids everywhere enjoy Jell-O all the time. Just because I'm a robot, I never get any delicious Jell-O desserts.

Linkara: Yeah! You're a robot! You don't NEED Jell-O!! I'm pretty sure you don't even have the ability to enjoy it!

Pollo: (offscreen) Doesn't mean we don't appreciate it being offered.

Linkara: Fair enough.

Grabby: But that's going to change... and soon!

Linkara: The true purpose behind Skynet.

Goodtaste: Let's go, Grabby! It's time to test our latest top secret project... the S.L.A.H.P!

Linkara: No doubt named for when you slap your own head when you hear that acronym.

Linkara (v/o): S.L.A.H.P. is apparently short for Secret Laser-Activated Hologram Printer.

Goodtaste: Our experimental machine should print the word Jell-O in a new, 3-D hologram form on every Jell-O package!

Linkara: You could just employ regular foil holograms or whatever on your packaging... or is this how hollow foil covers on comic books in the 90's came about.

Linkara (v/o): And much like the Adam West Batcave, everything apparently needs a sign on it, since our early version of a 3-D printer has "Secret Laser-Activated Hologram Printer --- Top Secret" attached to it. One wonders why the "top secret" part when "secret" is already part of its damn name.

Tom Servo: (whispering) Top Super Duper Maxi Extreme Ultra Secret.

Linkara (v/o): And so they activated the device and Grabby decides to use the test as his chance to absorb power and take over the master computer. And he does so, drawing in all the power from the machine as they begin doing... science or whatever to a giant brick with the word "Jell-O" written on it.

Dr. Goodtaste: Grabby? You did this? B-But why?

Grabby: Eep! Because I want all the Jell-O desserts in the world...

Linkara (v/o): Er, wait. I just realized something. Every time Jell-O is written in the dialogue, it's underlined. Were they worried they couldn't fit a trademark symbol into the dialogue so they just underlined it? Why? To try to remind us what the product is that they're shilling? As is anyone could forget that the thing is called THE ADVENTURES OF JELL-O MAN AND WOBBLY!!

Grabby: And now, I'm going to get them. The master computer will deliver it all to me!

Dr. Goodtaste: B-But then kids all around the world wouldn't have any?

Linkara: Are you seriously telling me that there are NO employees who would look at this and go, "Hmm, all the Jell-O is now going to one single place, our own laboratory. That's weird." (throws up his hands in disbelief) This system is stupid.

Linkara (v/o): Grabby speeds away, apparently moving too fast for them, according to the scientists, and proclaims that he's going to lock every door in the lab to keep them from stopping him. An alarm starts sounding, which according to Dr. Goodtaste, means that Grabby has bypassed the computer's security system. Seems to me an alarm would indicate that he hadn't bypassed it, but, then again, Kraft Foods is apparently staffed by all of two people in total.

Dr. Snackens: Now he controls the world's supply of Jell-O desserts, and no one can stop from stealing all of it.

Linkara: Grabby may rule.

Linkara (v/o): All of a sudden, the brick that they were testing their device on starts shaking and the letters pop off... and start talking.

Jell-O Man: No creepy robot's going to take Jell-O desserts from kids while I'm around!

Linkara: (horrified) WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?!!

Linkara (v/o): Wobbly is formed out of the "J" of the word, but instead of barking he goes...

Wobbly: Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!

(Clip from Pokemans: The Adventure)

Announcer: Yeah, Pokemon, Yeah.

(Back to the Jell-O Man comic)

Dr. Snackens: T-The energy overload must have somehow affected the Jell-O hologram logo!

(Cut to a shot of the "Superman At Earth's End" comic)

Hitler Clone: Of course. Don't you know anything about science?

(Back again to the Jell-O Man comic)

Dr. Snackens: B-But who are you?

Jell-O Man: Jell-O Man's the name!

Linkara: (as Jell-O Man) My existence is blasphemous and unholy.

Jell-O Man: Wobbly and I are here to make sure no one comes between kids and delicious Jell-O snacks!

Linkara: I would question how exactly he knows how to speak and how he has a name right after being conceived, (rolls eyes) buuuut my scientist gave life to a foam toy, so who the hell am I to judge?

Linkara (v/o): Mind you, the scientists in this comic should be questioning this more, but they just say they need all the help they can get. Just to show the foresight of the people who created this lab, all the doors are locked, but the windows are still open and unlocked. Once outside, they try to figure out a way to get to the master computer room to stop Grabby. The only way to get to it is a ventilation shaft, and thanks to Plot Convenience Playhouse, nearby there is a box labeled "spare parts" that contains large springs that allow them to bounce up and reach the ventilation shaft. And so Jell-O Man and Wobbly slip into the air duct and charge down at Grabby.

Jell-O Man: Okay, greed machine! The game is over. Direct the computer to send the Jell-O to its proper destinations.

Grabby: Eep! Forget it, Jell-O Brains!

Linkara: Technically, wouldn't his entire body be Jell-O and not just his brains?

[...]

Linkara (v/o): Our final story is... "The Outer Space Case".

Jell-O Man: This certainly was a cool idea, Wobbly-- introducing the kids of the planet Gumongo to great-tasting Jell-O Gelatin.

Linkara: (losing his sanity) HOW DID YOU GET INTO SPACE?! HOW DID YOU GET INTO SPACE?!!! (runs up to the camera and shakes it around) HOW!!! DID YOU!!! GET INTO SPA-A-A-A-A-A--

(static; "technical difficulties" sign; more static)

(Linkara lying on the futon with his glasses askew on his face)

Linkara: (faint) How did you get into space? How did you get into space?

Linkara (v/o): The planet is inhabited by these pink sea monkey-looking things who are eating Jell-O and also by this demonic creature who has shovels for hands. From what I gathered, he is known as The Shoveler... Y-y-y-yep.

Shoveler: (thought bubble) Also, you've introduced me to a new place to steal Jell-O Gelatin.

Linkara: (losing his sanity yet again) IT'S SOLD IN GROCERY STORES!! JUST STEAL IT FROM THERE!!! JUST STEAL IT FROM THE GROCERY STORE!! AAAAAAHHH!!!

This guide is not complete. Please finish.