Channel Awesome
Terminator Salvation

T4 NC.jpg

Release Date
March 24, 2021
Running Time
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(The Channel Awesome logo is shown. Then we cold open on a commercial)

Announcer (Malcolm): (as these words pop up) HEY! DO YOU LIKE...

(Cut to a shot of...)

Announcer: ...John Connor?

(Cut to a girl, played by Tamara)

Girl 1: John Connor?

(Cut then to a black guy, played by Malcolm, holding a pipe)

Guy: The prophesized war hero of the future?

(Then cut to another girl, played by Aiyanna)

Girl 2: Of course I do!

(Cut to an explosion then a John Connor action figure)

Announcer: Well, now you can bring him home! It's the most exciting soldier the world has ever known! (A subtitle appears with the words...) JOHN CONNOR!

Girl 1: Wow!

Guy: Oh, my God!

Girl 2: It's really him!

Announcer: That's right, it's (The same subtitle appears again...) JOHN CONNOR!

(The group stares in awkward silence)

Girl 1: Uh, so, what does he do?

Announcer: He's JOHN CONNOR!

Girl 2: Yeah, but what does he do?

Announcer: He's the most exciting soldier the world has-

Girl 1: Yeah, no. We heard that. But, uh, what's he actually done?

Announcer: Well... He said his name a lot!

(A montage of clips of the series is shown, showing John Connor saying his name)

John Connor: My name is John Connor. / This is John Connor. / John Connor! / This is John Connor.

Guy: Is that the most he can do, is just be John Connor?

Announcer: Well... (The following words pop up in yellow...) YOU CAN'T DO IT!

Guy: I guess that's true.

Girl 2: But why would I want to be John Connor if all that means is...being John Connor?

Announcer: Look, we didn't think that far ahead with this. We thought we'd have (The poster for the first movie is shown) one movie! (Then the poster for Terminator 2: Judgment Day is shown) Two at the most. So we didn't flesh out why John Connor would be that great a hero.

Girl 1: So, he's like... An influencer? Or are we supposed to love him because he exists?

Announcer: I mean... Yeah, sure. Let's go with that.

Guy: I don't know, man. This is sounding a little shady.

Announcer: Did I mention he has his own makeup line?

Girl 1: (gasp) He does?

Announcer: And he loves to take pictures of meals at restaraunts!

Girl 2: I do that, too! We have so much in common.

Announcer: And he totally agrees with your political views!

Guy: Which one?

Announcer: Um... They're bad! People are bad!

Guy: Oh, my God, we're pratically the same person.

Announcer: So, what are you waiting for? JUDGEMENT DAY?

(They all laugh)

Announcer: It's funny! Get John Connor. Because, y'know, he's JOHN CONNOR! AND THAT'S ENOUGH.

(Cut to the "TERMONTHNATOR MONTH" title)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.


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