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Sweetest Pie
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Date Aired
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April 2, 2022
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Running Time
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17:53
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Previous Review
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Next Review
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Website
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Todd plays "Sweetest Pie" on the piano.
MEGAN THEE STALLION & DUA LIPA - SWEETEST PIE
A pop song review
Todd: Dave Meyers must be stopped!
Clip of Megan Thee Stallion & Dua Lipa - "Sweetest Pie"
Todd (VO): Sorry, you don't even know who that is. That's a bad opening, let me start over.
Todd: Ok, so um... I've been wrapped up in [clip from The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2021] other longer videos. And I haven't reviewed a new song in a while, which is... you know, [image of Todd's YouTube page] the whole reason I started this entire channel. [red circle appears around the Subscribe button with text "GET TODD TO 500K SUBS!"] And I feel kinda bad about that, but conveniently there hasn't been any new songs to cover anyway.
Screenshot of Billboard article "Glass Animals' 'Heat Waves' Tops Hot 100 For Fourth Week, Doja Cat's 'Woman' Hits Top 10"
Todd (VO): The charts are always a little slow after Christmas, but...
Todd: ...by this time last year...
Clip of Olivia Rodrigo - "drivers license"
Todd (VO): ...Olivia Rodrigo had already re-shaped the entire landscape. Right now, there's just...
Todd: ...nothing going on.
Clip of Glass Animals - "Heat Waves"
Todd (VO): The number one hits of 2022 are that mediocre indie rock song that's been lingering like a bad odor for almost two years. [clip of Encanto Cast - "We Don't Talk About Bruno"] And before that, a song from a god damn Disney musical.
Pepa (Carolina Gaitán), Félix (Mauro Castillo), and Camilo (Rhenzy Feliz): We don't talk about Bruno, no, no
And the radio [screenshot of article about "We Don't Talk About Bruno" getting put into rotation] is so desperate for new music right now that they're actually playing it.
Todd: I mean, yeah, it's a good catchy tune.
Todd (VO): It's also A) a show tune, not a pop song. And B) it's for 8-year-olds.
Todd: Like, imagine...
Clip of Boyz II Men - "I'll Make Love to You"
Todd (VO): ...in 1994 if, instead of Boyz II Men, Top 40 was stuck playing [clip of...] "I Just Can't Wait to Be King". That's the level of desperate we're at right now.
Todd: Well, I'm getting kind of impatient too. So I told myself that I was going to review the next big song, whatever it was. The next big event single. [brief clip of theatre curtain opening] You know, the kind of thing that's so important that it gets announced ahead of time to build up hype before it drops. And about a week ago, we got it.
Screenshot of Megan's Instagram announcement of "Sweetest Pie"
Todd (VO): Big announcement on Instagram, there's gonna be a big new collab from Dua Lipa and Megan Thee Stallion, [clip of "Sweetest Pie" behind the scenes] two of the hottest stars alive. And two artists I'm a huge fan of. Complete with a big ol' mega-budget video from it. [image of poster for "Sweetest Pie" on a street corner] I saw a poster for it at a stop light the other day. That's what I'm talking about, the real shit. [back to "Sweetest Pie" behind the scenes] The big pop.
Todd: So let's get that first towering pop single of the year. [image of cover art for...] It's called... "Sweetest Pie"... Okay, well.
Clip of "Sweetest Pie" behind the scenes
Todd (VO): To understand where this song fits in the modern pop landscape,
Todd: ...we need to look at the careers of both artists as they have navigated through- why the fuck is it called "Sweetest Pie"? [image of "Sweetest Pie" cover art] Why? Why, why, why? I hate it already. Immediately, I'm just- [beat] I'm getting ahead of myself.
Todd (VO): We should give it a fair shot.
Todd: Why don't we give it a listen first.
Clip of beginning of "Sweetest Pie" video
Todd looks unimpressed
Zooms in on credit "Directed by Dave Meyers"
Todd (VO): Dave Meyers...
Todd: You...
Clip of interview with Dave Meyers
Todd (VO): Ok, some background on Dave Meyers, who is...
Todd: ...one of the most successful music video directors of the new millennium.
Montage clips of Lil Wayne - "Tha Block Is Hot"; Juvenile - "Back That Azz Up"; DMX - "Party Up (Up In Here)"; Missy Elliot - "Get Ur Freak On"; Britney Spears - "Lucky"; P!nk - "Get the Party Started"; Kid Rock - "Bawitdaba"; Jennifer Lopez ft. Ja Rule - "I'm Real (Remix)"
Todd (VO): He blew up in the early 2000s after shooting some of the most iconic hip hop videos ever made. "Back That Azz Up" is him, "Party Up" is him. He did most of Missy's videos during her imperial phase. He also crossed over to pop videos from there. And if you watched TRL at all while it was popular, you probably have at least a dozen of his videos burned into your brain. [clip of interview with Dave Meyers] After 2005, his output slowed down as he began a film career that... didn't seem to really take off. But...
Montage clips of Katy Perry - "Firework"; Ariana Grande - "God is a woman"; Kendrick Lamar - "HUMBLE."; Billie Eilish - "bad guy"
...he's always kept one foot in the music world. And in recent years, he seems to have re-focused his energy on that. Some of the best videos of the late 2010s. Yeah, that was all him.
Todd: So why am I angry? [beat] Okay.
Clip of David Guetta ft. Flo Rida & Nicki Minaj - "Where Them Girls At"
Flo Rida: No rules, I'm bout it
Todd (VO): In addition to being one of the best video directors in history, Dave Meyers may also be the worst video director in history.
Todd: The man's misses are as spectacular as his hits.
Clip of Missy Elliot - "Work It"
Todd (VO): The same year he made "Work It" for Missy Elliot, [clip of Creed - "One Last Breath"] he made this all-time stinker for Creed. Which, even by Creed's standards was ridiculous. Yeah, great special effects there, Dave. Really seamless. [clip of Camila Cabello ft. DaBaby - "My Oh My"] And that's been a pattern he's kept up through his career, alternating highs and lows. [clip of Travis Scott ft. Drake - "SICKO MODE"] Like yeah, if you hire him, maybe you'll get a "SICKO MODE" out of it. [clip of Katy Perry ft. Nicki Minaj - "Swish Swish"] Or maybe, you'll get a "Swish Swish".
Katy Perry falls down into a Shooting Star meme
Which, you know, that's fine.
Todd: Can't blame a guy for swinging for the fences, even if he's inconsistent. But, around 2019, something turned.
Clip of Ed Sheeran and Travis Scott - "Antisocial"
Ed Sheeran: No photos (ayy)
Todd (VO): He is just on an awful losing streak of the most [clips of Camila Cabello - "Liar"...] incoherent, unpleasant to watch videos I've ever seen. [...and Taylor Swift ft. Brendon Urie - "ME!"] I curse the day he discovered CGI, because he seems determined to make the most singularly hideous, incoherent videos in the most expensive way possible. [clips of...] Who decided Harry Styles' gorgeous, propulsive love song "Adore You" should be a story video about a monstrous fish!? [...and "Bad Habits" by...] Who turned Ed Sheeran into a ridiculous looking glam-pire who deflates his human self like a balloon?! This shit is just ugly nonsense. [clip of Drake ft. Future and Young Thug - "Way 2 Sexy"] So yeah, he's in a serious slump, and my expectations are already not very good. [back to "Sweetest Pie"] But, okay.
Todd: Let's see what this video is. Here we go.
Todd (VO): There are two guys in the woods, there's a house.
Dua Lipa: Ooh, this the ride of your life
Hold on, cause baby, I might
Dua Lipa and Megan Thee Stallion are in the house, and they're hot and sexy and they lure them in. They have the sweetest pie. And also, they are spiders, and/or venus flytraps who lure men in to cook and eat them. And also, her face is a pie.
Todd: [beat] From the...
Clip of...
Todd (VO): ...people who brought you Is It Cake? [clip of "Sweetest Pie"] Is Dua Lipa a pie? And then the guys escape and run away. And the village men-folk come and capture them and burn them at the stake.
Dua: Ooh baby, we can go fast
I'll drive and you just lay back
And then they kill everyone with their laser eyes.
Dua: I might take you home with this
I might give you all of it
Todd: [beat] Ok, if...
Todd (VO): ...Dua Lipa and Megan had laser eyes, then how did the villagers capture them to tie them to the s-
Todd: [gives up]
Dua: This the ride of your life
Todd (VO): Well, that song was, uh... thoroughly okay. And the video... well, it looks like the slump continues for Dave Meyers. That was, uh... gross and stupid.
Todd: Like, god damn.
Montage clips of Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake - "Carry Out"; Katy Perry ft. Migos - "Bon Appétit"; Justin Bieber - "Yummy"
Todd: Why do I keep getting these gross food songs about sex with disgusting videos!
Todd: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the tone of the song is supposed to be seductive?
Dua: I got the flavor that lasts
Yeah, the sweetest pie
Todd (VO): I know guys can get into some weird shit, but I wasn't personally all that seduced by the house of disembodied legs and butts.
Todd: Uh, I think I could resist that siren call pretty well.
Todd (VO): And Dave, I uh... I don't know what you think "pie" is a reference to, but...
Todd: It's not...
Todd (VO): ...the face.
Todd: Ok, well that concludes the "shit on Dave Meyers" portion of the video.
Todd (VO): But we're here to talk about music. [clip of Lady Gaga - "Alejandro"] I mean, I went through this with Lady Gaga. It doesn't matter how nonsensical the video is if it gets eyeballs.
Todd: Meyers strikes me as, like...
Clip of "Imma Be" by...
Todd (VO): ...the Black Eyed Peas of music video directing. Doesn't matter how grating the art is if it got your attention and sticks in the brain.
Todd: Let's talk about the actual music now that we've got the first big hit of the year. [screenshot of Billboard article "Five Burning Questions: Dua Lipa and Megan Thee Stallion's 'Sweetest Pie' debuts at No. 15"] See how it's doing, um... number 15. [screenshot of Hot 100 with "Sweetest Pie" now at...] Down to number 25 this week. Well, you know, it's still early.
Clip of Dua Lipa ft. DaBaby - "Levitating"
Todd (VO): Dua Lipa's songs have always been slow burns on the charts. By August, this could be the song of the summer. [brief clip of "Heat Waves"] I mean, no one saw that Glass Animals thing coming.
Todd: But still, a number 15 debut. Am I wrong to expect better?
Clip of "drivers license"
Todd (VO): Olivia Rodrigo debuted at number 1 with no previous hits. [clip of "Sweetest Pie"] These are two of the biggest stars in music, they can't outdo that [clip of GAYLE's...] god damn "abcdefu" song?
Todd: Man, I was hoping for something really popular. Uh, I gotta be honest. I think this one's a dud.
Clip of "Sweetest Pie"
Todd (VO): I was considering scrapping this whole video and waiting for a real hit to come in. But then, a couple nights ago, [promo clip for...] The Oscars came on, and...
Todd: ...the craziest thing happened. [beat] Well, besides the other thing.
Clip from the 2022 Academy Awards
Carolina Gaitán: We don't talk about Bruno, no, no, no
Todd (VO): So, the Oscars did a performance of the biggest movie song of the year, "We Don't Talk About Bruno". Sure. And then...
Megan Thee Stallion: Every day, all the kids wanna hear is Bruno
Bruno this, Bruno that, it's the new "Let It Go"
Todd: What?
Todd (VO): Okay, that's uh... th-they brought in Megan Thee Stallion to do a feature. On a Disney song. At the Oscars. And...
Todd: ...it was terrible.
Megan: Magic everywhere, stars everywhere
I need to see Oscars, Zendaya over there
Todd (VO): What are these lyrics? I feel like she's gonna rap about how she beat Shaq.
Todd: Eh, it's not that big a deal, it's probably like a last minute, slapped together thing. But I was just amazed she was even there.
Todd (VO): And so I was watching that, and now I'm listening to "Sweetest Pie", and [clip of "Sweetest Pie"] my question is...
Todd: What is Megan Thee Stallion doing?
Todd (VO): Actually, I know exactly what she's doing.
Todd: It took me a second, but...
Todd (VO): ...let me just listen to this here, and um... [the beginning of "Sweetest Pie" plays] God, what does this remind me of?
Todd: [scratches his chin] What is it?
Clip of Doja Cat ft. Gucci Mane - "Like That"
Todd: There it is.
Doja Cat: That's my shit, that's my wave
Do it like that and I'll repay
Todd (VO): Hi, Doja.
Todd: Ok, I see what's going on here. This is a Doja Cat song.
Todd (VO): Megan wants to be Doja Cat, that explains so much. [clip of Maroon 5 ft. Megan Thee Stallion - "Beautiful Mistakes"] That weird Maroon 5 guest verse, [clip from the 2022 Oscars] a Disney rap at the Oscars. [clip of "Sweetest Pie"] I get it now, Megan wants to be, like... famous famous.
Todd: Not just with hip hop fans, but with, like... little itty bitty babies.
Megan: That Hansel and Gretel, let him eat me up
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh
Todd (VO): I guess I didn't really realize it before, but yeah, Megan doesn't really have any pop hits.
Clip of Megan Thee Stallion ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign - "Hot Girl Summer"
Todd (VO): "Hot Girl Summer" didn't really take off, [clip of Megan Thee Stallion ft. Beyoncé - "Savage (Remix)"] Like, "Savage" maybe? Does that count? I guess Beyoncé does sing a little on the remix, but... to me that's just a straight hip hop song.
Todd: And then, what are her other big hits?
Montage clips of Cardi B ft. Megan Thee Stallion - "WAP"; Megan Thee Stallion - "Body"; Megan Thee Stallion - "Thot Shit"
Todd (VO): "WAP" obviously, and then "Body", "Thot Shit". None of these are really appropriate for the Top 40 stations. [clip of "WAP"] You can't play "WAP" on the radio.
Todd: Although they certainly tried.
Megan: Get your boots and your coat
For this wet and gushy
Todd: But the only song she's ever been on that has, like, a real sung pop hook...
Clip of "Beautiful Mistakes"
Todd (VO): ...is that garbage Maroon 5 song. [clip of "Sweetest Pie"] No, this is her real bid to get that Doja Cat money. And who can blame her, right? She deserves it. I want her to get the Dua Lipa pop hit paycheque.
Todd: [beat] I don't think this is gonna do it.
Todd (VO): Um... the video is terrible. But also, the song is just... not amazing.
Todd: I mean, part of it is that... it's called "Sweetest Pie".
Todd (VO): I think that's just gonna turn people off right away. Ok first off, referring to sex as "pie" is gross. [clip of Warrant - "Cherry Pie"] That's sleazy shit for hair metal songs, not a smooth, seductive Dua Lipa disco song. [clip of "Sweetest Pie"] May as well call it "Hot Coochie Poon Tang" at that point.
Todd: But then you add...
Todd (VO): ..."Sweetest Pie". I mean, that's not just gross, that's also cutsie.
Todd: Like, are you talking to your cat? [image of a kitten, Todd speaks in an endearing tone] Ooh, sweetest. Who's the sweetest pie? [back to normal] The rest of the hook is not great either.
Dua Lipa: Ooh, this the ride of your life
Hold on, cause baby, I might
Todd: Ride of your life, sweetest pie...
Dua: Ooh baby, we can go fast
I'll drive and you just lay back
I got the flavor that lasts
Yeah, the sweetest pie
Todd: Are you driving the pie? Is it a pie-mobile?
Todd (VO): Yeah, I think this pie needed a little more time in the oven. Like they just kinda rushed it out to get it out there while Dua Lipa was still the hotness.
Todd: See, here's the thing though: is Dua Lipa a real pop star, or is she just someone with a lot of popular songs?
Clip of Dua Lipa - "Don't Start Now"
Todd (VO): For someone with an almost perfect track record of good music, Dua Lipa is someone I find increasingly frustrating. Someone who is consistently good but never quite great. [clip of Dua's 2021 Brit Awards performance] I mean, I liked "Future Nostalgia" a lot, and she rightfully dominated the past few years, but...
Todd: Something just never quite hit that peak for her.
Clip of Dua Lipa - "Break My Heart"
Todd (VO): Like, that album was ubiquitous. And yet that star-making album didn't have a number one single, never got a top 10 debut. Most damning of all, [clip from The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2021] didn't show up on the Todd in the Shadows best-of lists.
Todd: There were just ten more good songs every year. [shrugs]
Clip of "Sweetest Pie"
Todd (VO): So if they were hoping to power this on star-power alone, um... well, I don't think Dua Lipa's pulling up her end. I think this kinda proves that she doesn't have that "Main Pop Girl" status yet.
Todd: But, I think there's a bigger problem here, which is... I knda think that Megan may not be good at this.
Clip of Megan performing at the Oscars
Todd (VO): At being an all-quadrants, everyone loves me celebrity that she wants to be. [clip of Doja Cat - "Say So"] Like, can Megan go pop? Can she be Doja Cat?
Todd: See, the thing about Doja Cat is [silhouette of a cat] Doja Cat is a cat. [silhouette of a horse appears beside it] Megan Thee Stallion is a stallion.
Clip of "Kiss Me More" by SZA and...
Todd (VO): Doja Cat is tiny and cute and she writes songs about kissing.
Doja: Can you kiss me more
Not even sex, just... kissing.
Todd: I don't know if the writer of Wet Ass Pussy is gonna be able to do that.
Clip of "WAP"
Todd (VO): Like yes, obviously Megan is very hot. But it's a [drawing of a woman whipping a man] "step on my balls, Madame" kinda hot. [back to "WAP"] Should she be trying to make a song like this, I don't know.
Todd: No, no, no, that's not fair. She can do it.
Clip of Nicki Minaj - "Starships"
Todd (VO): You don't have to be tiny and cute Doja to make pop songs. [clip of Bruno Mars ft. Cardi B - "Finesse (Remix)"] Nicki, Cardi, Lizzo, they've all been able to [clip of Lizzo - "Good As Hell"] switch modes between hip hop and pop pretty easily.
Todd: So we'll give Megan her shot. Can she do it?
Todd (VO): This is a pop song. You know, sexy but not aggressive this time. More seductive.
Dua: You've never been to heaven
You see, wanna take you to heaven. We're doing sweet, "Sweetest Pie" now.
Todd: Sweet, not mean. Can she do it?
Dua: The sweetest pie
Megan: Baby I'm the sweetest, pussy is the meanest
Todd: [beat] Amazing.
Todd (VO): She got through half a bar before she gave up.
Megan: Don't be going through my phone
Cause that's the old me
Uh, the old you...
Todd: ...looks a lot like the new you, Megan.
Megan: One thing about me, I ain't taking no shit
Todd (VO): I'm not saying these are bad verses. Megan's a good rapper, she's as good as ever. But they're just good verses for a completely different song.
Todd: Like, you can tell Megan was not really into this. Like...
Todd (VO): ...even right at the beginning, look at this. [zooms in on credit "Concept by Megan Thee Stallion"] Yeah, nice try Dave. "Oh, it's all Megan's fault", yeah this has your fingerprints all over it. I don't think Megan was the one who was like "Dua Lipa should rip a slice of pie out of the side of her jaw". No.
Todd: But I do believe the basic concept was hers.
Todd (VO): That Megan thought this song should be about how she cooks and eats men and lays waste to the world.
Todd: Megan explained her side of it on Twitter. [screenshot of Megan's Tweet explaining the video] The symbolism of the video is like, how men come for me and I eat 'em up. And then you all go on witch hunts attacking women for whatever reasons. Okay, but...
Todd (VO): You were going to literally kill those men. Does it count as a witch hunt if you are actual-
Todd: [beat] Well, hold on. I-
Todd (VO): I guess they didn't actually kill those guys, did they? I mean, the dudes escaped and ran away. Maybe this was all just a wacky misunderstanding. Maybe Dua and Megan really were just trying to give those guys some pie. [illustration of "Hansel and Gretel"] And maybe that witch in "Hansel and Gretel" just wanted to give them some food and shelter.
Todd: Huh! [shrugs]
Todd (VO): Guess that probably would have been clearer if Dave Meyers wasn't committed to doing way too much all the god damn time. Thanks, Dave.
Todd: But yeah, the more I think about it, this video really does explain Megan's mindset right now. Like, look back at it.
Clip of TMZ story about Megan getting shot
Todd (VO): This was her 2020. She took a gun injury from Tory Lanez, and somehow a bunch of internet morons blamed her. [clip of "WAP"] She made "WAP", and a bunch of [clip from "The Ben Shapiro Show"] Conservative morons called her a whore.
Todd: So after that, this was her 2021.
Clip of "Thot Shit"
Todd (VO): She wrote a song that was supposed to be about how hot she was. But instead, she spent it running over men with a truck.
Clip of "Beautiful Mistakes"
Adam Levine: She's naked in my bed
She was on a Maroon 5 song about having hot, hot sex, something she writes about all the time.
Todd: And yet somehow, she wound up writing a verse about how much she hates Adam Levine.
Megan: Got me looking stupid
The only way I'm coming back to you
Is if you're dreaming, lucid
Todd (VO): I don't blame her, that's what I would've written too. But that's not what the song was about. [clip of "Sweetest Pie"] And now she's on a Dua Lipa song, and she decides that instead of sex, it's about destroying yet more stupid, angry men. What I'm getting at is that, I don't think she really wants to play nice right now.
Todd: And she has every right. But what it seems to me is that...
Todd (VO): This Dua Lipa shit is a vibe Megan doesn't really feel at this moment in time.
Todd: And plus Dua Lipa gave her a weak hook with some weak lyrics and a bad title. And there's already too much Dua Lipa on the radio.
Todd (VO): We'll see if this is yet another Dua Lipa song that lingers forever. Like, that's what happened with that [clip of "Cold Heart (PNAU Remix)" by Dua Lipa and...] Elton John mashup she did that made absolutely no sense, but we're still hearing it everywhere. [clip of "Sweetest Pie"] But I don't think this is gonna work. I don't think this is the hit we were looking for. I do want Megan Thee Stallion to have that big crossover hit, but... ugh, I hope "Sweetest Pie" isn't it.
Todd: Oh well, hope for better next month, I guess. Can we get some new music in here, seriously. Save us, Harry Styles. You're our only hope.
Video for "Sweetest Pie" ends
Closing Tag Song: Dwayne Johnson - "Pie"
"Sweetest Pie" is owned by 1501 Certified
This video is owned by me
THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!!