Superman Meets the Quik Bunny
May 2, 2011
The team-up you demanded! Well, someone demanded. ...maybe... probably not...
(Shots of Kool-Aid Man comics are shown)
Linkara (v/o): The answer everyone gave was, "Money!" The problem with that answer is that there was no money to be made with that. The initial Kool-Aid Man comics were free. And even if they weren't free, yeah, for Marvel or DC, getting money from a food manufacturer makes sense, but it doesn't make sense from the food manufacturer's point of view. Why? Because unless you were a particularly bored child, no one looked at a food mascot and thought to themselves...
(Cut to a shot of a box of Lucky Charms cereal)
Linkara (v/o): "Wow! I'd love to see the Lucky Charms leprechaun on an adventure to fight the evil anti-marshmallows!"
(Cut to a shot of a box of Cap'n Crunch cereal on the left and a shot of Batman on the right, with a "no equal" sign placed in between)
Linkara (v/o): When one is already saturated with awesome comic book superheroes – many of which were already made with kids in mind, yet still keeping things exciting – why the hell would anyone waste their money on a food mascot comic?
(Cut to a shot of a comic in which Superman meets the Quik Bunny (of Nestle's Quik fame))
Linkara (v/o): And the same thing goes with today's kindling: "Superman Meets the Quik Bunny".
(A shot of Nestle Nesquik is shown, prominently displaying the Quik Bunny)
Linkara (v/o): For those of you unfamiliar with this particular mascot, "Quik" is short for "Nesquik", a product sold by Nestle that's essentially a powder that makes chocolate milk.
(Cut to a shot of a comic of the Quik Bunny's own (yes, that happened) where he puts on a magic show)
Linkara (v/o): The mascot was Quikie, the Nesquik Bunny, and like the Kool-Aid Man, he got his own comic series with Marvel in the '80s. However, today's comic is naturally printed by DC.
Linkara: Which means that if we consider the Quik Bunny a Marvel character, then this is the most embarrassing crossover ever. Let's dig into (holds up today's comic) "Superman Meets the Quik Bunny".
(AT4W titles play; title card for this episode has "Pure Imagination" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory playing)
Willy Wonka: (singing) There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you...
(Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)
Linkara (v/o): Our cover depicts the Quik Bunny riding on Superman's shoulders and pointing out some incoming hail chunks. The cover wraps around the front and back and shows that the enemy they're facing is actually the Weather Wizard, a Flash villain. Also, they seem to be in China, with a rather short version of the Great Wall beneath them... or perhaps everyone is giant-sized, which would be a very unexpected twist, I have to say. And the final thing to make this whole thing as silly as possible is this jet labeled "Quik Qlub" that features four children inside of it. Naturally, the C in "club" is replaced with a Q.
(Because Poor Literacy is... for small children.)
(The inside cover is shown, depicting a non-colored Superman for kids to clor)
Linkara (v/o): The inside cover features a "page to color", which is actually indicative of things that will be happening within the book, but I'll get to that later. (the comic proper begins) We open to Metropolis in the midst of a flood.
Superman: (thinking) One minute there's bright sunshine-- the next minute there are dangerous flash floods caused by this sudden freak storm!
Linkara: Yeah, that sudden storm in the... beige sky...
Superman: (thinking) That little boy could be swept away!!
Linkara (v/o): Swept away? He's like six feet above the water! How about you protect those news crew people that are much closer to the water? Though, don't ask me where the heck they are. If it's on top of a car, it's a pretty wide vehicle. We cut to the suburban outskirts of the city, where a group of kids are assembling the most impressive flippin' treehouse I've ever seen! I mean, look at that thing! It's already painted, there are two assembled stairways to create a second level for the thing. At this point, you might as well make into a house!
Girl (Maureen): Our Quik Qlub is really shaping up, isn't it, Miguel?
Miguel: You said it, Maureen!
Linkara: You have a club that's focused entirely around a single drink product. You're making the Tandy Computer Whiz Kids look cool by comparison.
Linkara (v/o): The Quik Bunny is also with them, and I know I should probably be questioning the existence of an anthropomorphic bunny who is equally obsessed with a single drink product, but this is the DC Universe. This is the place where there's casual time travel and multicolored rings that harness emotions as energy sources for space cops. The Quik Bunny's existence is actually pretty tame, all things considered. Oh, yeah, and did I mention the treehouse is actually dimensionally transcendental? I'm serious! It's bigger on the inside than on the outside! Taller, too. And it contains state-of-the-art technology and metal. Oh, and a wooden shelf for Quik products because that matches up with its surroundings.
Quik Bunny: I'm going to raid our Qlubhouse Qitchen...
Linkara: You're really gonna keep replacing the letters K and C with Q, aren't you? Maybe I was a little too hasty in using up my "poor literacy is cool" joke so soon.
Quik Bunny: Whew! I'm bushed! We spent all day on this treehouse! But at least* we can relax and enjoy our new home away from home!
- NOTE: The Quik Bunny actually says "at last", not "at least".
Linkara: Your treehouse is nicer than my home!
Linkara (v/o): The very least, they've got a much larger TV than I do. Anyway, they turn on said TV and see Superman rescuing people in the storm.
Boy: But it looks like there's too much for even Superman to handle!
Miguel: I'm worried that he'll get hurt trying to rescue everyone!
Linkara: This is Superman we're talking about. He might get winded after flying around the world a few times first.
Linkara (v/o): The Quik Bunny suggests that they don't have to worry.
Quik Bunny: Worrying won't help Superman! Helping him will help Superman!
Linkara: (as Quik Bunny) Redundant statements won't be redundant! They'll be repetitive! (beat) Wait...
Linkara (v/o): The kids naturally think that this is insane, but the Quik Bunny won't have it.
Quik Bunny: Just kids??! C'mon, we're the Quik Qlub-- we're the best!
Linkara: They're, like, ten years old!
Quik Bunny: Ronnie--you know everything there is to know about geography! You picked the perfect site for the Qlubhouse!
Linkara: How good at geography do you really have to be to say, (looks offscreen and points) "Hey, how about that tree?"
Quik Bunny: And Patty--you're in the science club at school! Even I couldn't believe some of the stuff you whipped up for this place!
Linkara: Oh, I see, she's in the (makes "air quote") "science club". That explains why there's a huge-ass TV and technological crap all over the place!
Quik Bunny: Miguel--you know more about language and communication than anyone I know! You even wrote our Qlub Code!
Linkara: (as Quik Bunny) Talking to Superman in Esperanto will clearly save the day!
Quik Bunny: Maureen--your knowledge about computers and how they work has made our Qlub what it is today!
Linkara: (as Maureen, holding up a flash drive) And so you see, you plug the flash drive into the USB port. (as Quik Bunny) Wow! That information was just vital for a club about a chocolate beverage.
Quik Bunny: Each and every one of you has very special abilities and know-how that can aid others!
Linkara: So do regular rescue and aid workers! Why is child endangerment your first plan?
Linkara (v/o): Or maybe it's because he's evil. Seriously, look at that expression. (said expression does look rather evil, as his eyebrows look angry) He's probably gonna go outside and laugh his rabbit ass off about this. So, how will the Quik Qlub get to Superman to help him with their grade school expertise? Why, the treehouse is a rocket-powered helecop... WHAAAAAAT?! (stammers) I don't... What?!
Maureen: The Quik Qlub has now transformed itself into our own Quik Qopter!
Linkara: First of all, stop putting a Q in everything! Second, WHAT?!? Third, what, what, WHAT?!?!?!
Quik Bunny: Wow! That's fantastic! You two are geniuses!
Linkara: To say the least! Where the hell did they get the rocket fuel for this thing?! Where did they get the materials to build this place?! And why the hell do they care about a treehouse?! You have a rocket-powered helicopter!!
Linkara (v/o): For crying out loud, at least US-1 had a college education under his belt! These are freaking grade-schoolers that have somehow whipped this all up! And the dialogue has said that they've been working on this for the better part of a day. Now, maybe they've been working o this thing for a while longer, but the bits we see here suggest that they've only been working on this thing during this one day! Are these the same people behind Willy Wonka's rocket elevator?
(A panel is shown of this rocket-helicopter dealie floating into the air, while in the background...)
Willy Wonka: (singing) There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination...
Linkara (v/o): Getting away from that little bit of insanity, we see our villain of the piece, the Weather Wizard, thinking to himself about how he caused the flood. One wonders why he's on the ground instead of at a higher location so he doesn't, you know, drown at all. He spots Superman and thinks...
Weather Wizard: (thinking) My magic weather wand and I will show him who's in charge around here! 'Cause he should really get a charge from this spell I've cast!
Linkara: (laughs sarcastically) The pun isn't funny if you explain it! Mind you, it wasn't very funny to begin with, but still...
Superman: Whoa! That bolt of lightning just came out of nowhere! I'm in serious danger--and so is the city--unless I do something!
Linkara: In the time it took for you to say that, the lightning bolt has zapped you seven times.
(A shot of a kids' maze in the comic is shown)
Linkara (v/o): And here we come to what I was talking about earlier. It's possible that I'm wrong about this, but I believe the producers of the comic realized that the idea of Superman teaming up with the Quik Bunny didn't exactly make for a gripping story, even for kids, so at several points, they inserted activities for the kids to do. Earlier, it was the coloring book thing, but now we have a maze for the little ones to work out.
Text: You can help by taking a pen or pencil and showing Superman the quickest route to the ocean surrounding Metropolis! Good luck!
Linkara (v/o): And if you're like me, you've already deduced the logical flaw in this setup. You see, the quickest route Superman can take is this: (a red line is drawn through the maze from the start (a lightning bolt) in the upper-left corner to Superman in the lower-right corner) a straight line from one corner to the other. After all, he's FLYING. Also, wouldn't it just be quicker to redirect it to a lightning rod or some other grounded object? I can't imagine a big city like Metropolis would lack them.
Text: Did you help Superman successfully foil the Weather Wizard's electrical trap by forcing the lightning to explode in the Atlantic Ocean?
Linkara: If you didn't, then you have doomed many people to die. (gives thumbs-up) Good job, kids!
Linkara (v/o): Meanwhile, on the bridge of the USS Quik Qlub, the five are trying to figure out what caused the flash flooding. They feed the information into their computers, but of course, these are the kind of magical computers that existed a few decades ago that are somehow able to deduce everything based solely on information, instead of just being oversized calculators.
Maureen: Not sure, Quik Bunny! There's some malfunction! The print-out's coming out all scrambled!
Miguel: Wait! It looks like a code... and I know all about those!
Linkara: Yes, because a machine that's designed to process information and come up with answers in the most efficient manner possible would decide to reduce that information into a junior jumble.
(Another game is introduced into the comic: a jumble set)
Linkara (v/o): And I am indeed serious: the ticker-tape information feed comes out as a junior jumble. Of course, anyone reading the book a single page ago would have already seen the Weather Wizard and figured out that that's what it says. The problem with the entire idea of giving kids work to do is that it interrupts the story needlessly, and it's done in such an asinine way that we can easily skip over it, since right away, they say the answer is "Weather Wizard", and they use their intercom system to tell Superman that it's the Weather Wizard! They didn't need to tell him, though, since the Weather Wizard is standing in a big puddle right there, completely out in the open! The Wizard makes a run for it and uses his Weather Wand to encase the Man of Steel in a freezing block of ice. The kids spot the Weather Wizard getting away.
Maureen: But what about Superman? He's falling to the ground in that slab of ice!
Linkara: (dripping sarcasm) Oh, no! The ice will shatter on the ground, and he'll just fly up to chase after the Weather Wizard anyway! (beat) Why is this an issue exactly?
Quik Bunny: We don't have much time-- but saving Superman's more important than catching the Weather Wizard!
Linkara: Um, excuse me! Super strength and heat vision, remember? He can break himself out of there, no problem. And the ice hasn't had nearly enough time to physically freeze his body; it's just formed around him. The impact will do nothing but FREE HIM!
Linkara (v/o): But no, instead, the Quik Qlubhouse has a mechanical arm that reaches out and grabs Superman before it can fall. I'd question why exactly they installed this device when originally this was just supposed to be a friggin' treehouse. What, were they going to grab defenseless squirrels if they got too close to them? Naturally, Superman just frees himself from the ice without any difficulty. Instead of flying off at super speeds to catch up to the Weather Wizard, though, he instead goes to thank the kids. Hell, he even admits that he's invulnerable and the fall wouldn't have done anything to him.
Linkara: So, yeah, the comic just admitted that the kids wasted their time. And subsequently, wasted ours.
Linkara (v/o): Superman does say, though, that the Wizard is a dangerous criminal, and they shouldn't be involved, rightly so. But the Quik Bunny says that they can tell him where the Wizard went.
Miguel: That's right, Superman--he mentioned that he would "capitalize" when he left Metropolis-- that must mean he's heading for Washington, D.C.!
Ronnie: That's the capital of our country!
(Cut to a clip of Doctor Who, showing the Cyber Leader)
Cyber Leader: There is logic in what he says.
(Back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Okay, you don't know crap! For all you know, he meant he was going to stay in the city to steal money or any other form of capital. After all, you can't read the word balloons, so you don't know how he spelled it! Also, why do you automatically assume that he was going to the capital of the U.S.A.? He could've meant the state capital. Once again, Superman shows he needs these kids like he needs Kryptonite and flies off at super-speed to check out their theory. The Quik Bunny once again gets an angry expression on his face as he suggests to the kids that they should help him again.
Linkara: It is now my theory that the Quik Bunny is in cahoots with the Weather Wizard and is just using the kids to distract Superman.
Linkara (v/o): Also, isn't Metropolis still flooded? Shouldn't Superman or the kids be worried about helping people in trouble before going after the Weather Wizard? Anyway, the kids say that there's no way they can catch up to Superman in the Quik Qopter, but Patty says that she has a better idea– Okay, this has crossed the line into complete bullcrap! They have an entire helium balloon inside of this thing, too?!
Linkara: Furthermore, why exactly is a helium balloon faster than a helicopter?
Patty: Now we can ride the air currents, like the Weather Wizard did, all the way to Washington!
Linkara: Knowing this motley crew, I'm frankly surprised that they don't end up in Seattle instead.
Linkara (v/o): Now begins Chapter 2. And yes, the story has chapters in it, which is so necessary in case you had to set it down and put a book marker in the 32-page comic book. Superman arrives at the U.S. Capitol.
Superman: (thinking) Didn't take me long to get here! Sometimes it's pretty nice being super!
Linkara: (as Superman) All it cost me was the destruction of my home world. (nods, then makes a sour face)
Linkara (v/o): He spots a tornado wreaking havoc on the edge of the city.
Superman: (thinking) If disaster strikes the capital--America will be thrown into mass confusion!
Linkara: Actually, I found that it causes mass confusion regardless.
Superman: (thinking) Then, the Weather Wizard will try to step in and rule the most powerful nation on Earth!
Linkara: You know, it's been a while since I read the presidential line of succession, but I'm pretty sure that the Weather Wizard is not there.
Superman: (thinking) Luckily, it looks like all the people in the city have been evacuated safely!
Linkara: That was awfully fast! Hell, not even the mysterious evacuation at the end of Alone in the Dark evacuated a city this quickly.
Linkara (v/o): In yet another dumb game for kids to play, Superman realizes that several objects have now disappeared from a panel he was looking at, thanks to the storm. The game is to identify which ones disappeared without looking at the previous page... which is kind of hard not to do, since they're both right next to each other. On top of that, I can do it without having to look at the previous page, because right below it are all the objects that were pulled up by the wind! Well done! I can follow the directions and yet still cheat at the same time! Superman sees the Washington Monument start to topple over. And instead of cracking under its own weight or something similar, it's just like pushing over a chess piece, going from the base.
Weather Wizard: Nobody's ever tipped over the Washington Monument before! I'll go down in history!!
Linkara: That is such an idiotic thing to say that I really have no jokes sufficient enough to counter it.
Linkara (v/o): The Quik Qlub arrives and realizes how much trouble they're in, what with there being a friggin' tornado and all.
Patty: I read in a science book once that the safest spot to be in during a tornado is its eye!
Linkara: No... the safest place to be during a tornado is FAR AWAY FROM THE TORNADO!!!
Linkara (v/o): I'm sure I'm gonna get called out on this, but this plan seems like the dumbest yet: fly into the tornado that you can probably avoid already, because it's probably safer inside it?! You know, maybe the eye of the tornado is safe on the ground, but somehow, I doubt that's the same case for a flying vehicle that's getting buffeted by insane winds.
(Yet another game appears, this one a word search)
Linkara (v/o): Oh, look, another game.
Text: Are YOU able to help find the wily Weather Wizard hiding on Maureen's computer screen? Just fill in the boxes marked "Q" with a pencil and see!
Linkara (v/o): Aaaand we'll see a vaguely humanoid shape amongst a whole bunch of other letters. How is that exactly helpful in finding him? Is this really the choice of display for the sensors? Darkly-shaded Qs against a whole bunch of other letters? The Quik Bunny takes one last shot of Quik before leaping out of the balloon treehouse.
Linkara: You know, it's times like this when you're leaping out of a treehouse that can turn into a helicopter and a balloon to attack a supervillain that's trying to annihilate Washington, D.C., that you really have to stop and ask yourself, "How did I get here?"
Linkara (v/o): The Quik Bunny somehow survives the fall and starts distracting the Weather Wizard enough that the tornado dissipates. The Weather Wizard, skipping out on the opportunity to kill the rabbit that has foiled his plans twice now, instead flies off to Egypt, loudly announcing that he's flying to Egypt. The Quik Bunny reports the Egypt thing, and even the kids wonder why the hell he'd admit to where he's going. They tell Superman not to go since it's obviously a trap, but he decides to go anyway, since he doesn't have any better leads. True enough, but given Superman's speed and strength, I'm really trying to figure out what the heck the Wizard thinks he can actually do to Superman as a trap, and why he wouldn't just button his lip and go off to attack somewhere else. The Quik Bunny says they might as well follow, but due to the distance, they're going to need something better than a helicopter or a balloon. As such, they need to now convert the treehouse into a jet! And why not? It's just that easy to build a freaking jet out of a treehouse! My only hope is that they lack the fuel to maintain the jet thing and end up crashing into the ocean.
(Another game is shown, which Linkara describes)
Linkara (v/o): The next game is a connect-the-dots thing to show the jet.
Linkara: Does this mean that I can stop reading if I decide not to connect the dots?
Linkara (v/o): Ah, onto chapter 3. No need to worry about g-forces or aerodynamics, kids.
Miguel: Ronnie, are you sure that's Egypt up ahead?
Ronnie: Positively! If I know anything, Miguel, it's my geography!
Linkara: (as Miguel) Then why is there a big sign down there that says "Welcome to Greenland"?
Linkara (v/o): It's apparently snowing outside, meaning that they are indeed hot on the trail of the Wizard. They decide to land the jet and ask the locals if they've seen anything. Instead of speaking Arabic, which Wikipedia informs me is the official language of Egypt, not "ordinary Egyptian", as the comic says, he speaks in a random code. I really would like to know, though, how one is supposed to pronounce "ABC" as a word or even "ZCSABCQ". "Zigzanka", perhaps? Oh, looky, another game: translate the gibberish, even though you tell us the answer to the right. The guy is afraid the Weather Wizard might hurt his family and tells them to go to "the old pyramid".
Linkara: Of course the Weather Wizard would hole up in a pyramid. He's naturally attracted to (dramatically) the evil that is (holds up fist) ANCIENT EGYPT!
(A shot of the pyramids of Egypt are shown, while the "Imperial March" track from Star Wars plays; cut back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): They arrive at a nearby pyramid engulfed in snow and see Superman fighting with a mummy, because, you know, Egypt and all; let's get all the stereotypes and monuments out of the way.
Superman: I can't figure out why this mummy attacked me out of nowhere! He's just delaying me from finding out where the Weather Wizard is hiding!
Linkara: I love how that is his first reaction to seeing a mummy attacking him. (as Superman) Hey! A mummy attacking me? That's just inconvenient!
Linkara (v/o): The Quik Bunny hangs onto a rope ladder and grabs one of the mummy's bandages, unraveling it completely. At this point, I'm just taking this kind of crap in stride because, honestly, if I think too much about it, I'm going to crack. Superman thanks them again for the rescue, but they shouldn't have followed him because of how dangerous this is. They tell him that the Weather Wizard is inside the pyramid... Wait, he didn't know that? What, did Superman just decide to go on a sightseeing tour of the pyramids in the middle of pursuing a supervillain?!
Superman: That's why that mummy attacked me-- he was keeping me from finding his master-- the Weather Wizard!
Linkara: So, what, did the Weather Wizard magically summon up the mummy? If he has that kind of magical power, why not just straight-up call himself "The Wizard" or "The Sorcerer", or something not related just to weather?!
Linkara (v/o): So, of course, Superman, being kind of a dick and all, decides that if the Weather Wizard is in fact inside a priceless historical landmark, he should immediately start ripping that landmark apart with his bare hands, brick by brick. The kids have two default modes in this comic: "rock stupid" and "infinite genius". As such, they flip their switches to "moron mode" and decide to run into the pyramid's remains. They unknowingly distract Superman as he's about to grab the Weather Wizard, who in turn uses his weather powers to bring down the heat of the sun, instantly transforming all the snow in the desert to water. The ensuing flood sends the kids away and forces him to rescue them. The Wizard, seeing a piece of the pyramid as hieroglyphs on it... Why didn't he notice that before he set up shop here? ...and cuts out a piece that looks like a map of Africa, Asia and Europe, thinking it might be valuable. However, he trips and lets it drop to the ground, smashing an irreplaceable historical find. Why? So we can have another game, of course! This one is just naming the damn countries that split off in the larger chunk. The Wizard flies off, loudly proclaiming he's going to China next. Oh, yeah, and the answers to that little puzzle are right there on the next page, which you could easily glance at. Nice.
Linkara: It's like the creators didn't want to add these stupid bits in, but were contractually obligated to do so, so they gave away the answers so they could get on with the story!
Linakra (v/o): Superman quickly rebuilds the pyramids, minus one chunk of wall obviously, and flies off to China, the kids in hot pursuit. And thus, we enter the final chapter, where the jet is hit by a hailstorm. Of course, the only solution is to... transform the jet into a boat.
Linkara: Look, just make the damn thing into a giant robot already, comic! I know you want to do it, so just get it over with and try to sell us toys, if that was the intention of this stupid thing.
Linkara (v/o): Still, the plan of turning their flying craft into a boat several hundred feet in the air was stupid, so they start falling, but as fortune would have it, they land in the Yangtze River. I just hope I pronounced that correctly; otherwise, I'm going to have about a hundred comments telling me how to pronounce it correctly. The kids should be knocked around anyway, since they had nothing to keep them restrained while this was happening, but I'm going to guess artificial gravity is not beyond this thing's capabilities, too. The Quik Bunny points out that they still don't know where Superman or the Weather Wizard are, but Patty has an idea.
Patty: When people want to find out what's going on in the outside world, they simply turn on a radio!
Linkara: Well, if they lived in the 1930s, maybe, but I'm thinking that in 1987, they would turn on the TV first.
Maureen: Oh no! It's coming out in Chinese!
(Linkara stares, too stunned to speak; cut to a clip of an episode of Scrubs)
Dr. Cox: (addressing J.D.) I don't know if they taught you this in the land of fairies and puppy-dog tails, where you obviously, if not grew up in, at least spent most of your summers, but you're in the real world now, oookay?
(Back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): To the comic's credit, Miguel tells her, no crap, they're in China! He switched over to "super-genius mode", so naturally, he knows how to translate Chinese. They discover that Superman is near the Great Wall. Of course it is; why would we want to suggest anything about these countries exist other than tourist spots?
(Another game is shown, this one another maze)
Linkara (v/o): And, oh, looky, another maze! To the comic's credit, this one actually works better because they're in boat mode, and they probably don't want to go back to jet mode because of the turbulence, but I'm also lazy and I don't care. At the Great Wall, Superman is in the middle of destroying larger pieces of hail to try to keep them from damaging the wall.
Linkara: Don't know why he's trying so hard to do so. We know what Superman can do if the Great Wall is ever damaged.
(A clip of Superman IV is shown, depicting Superman simply rebuilding the Great Wall with his... wall-rebuilding vision?; cut back to the comic again)
Quik Bunny: This is serious!
(Cut to a clip of Yes, Minister)
James Hacker: In fact, I would go so far as to say that it could hardly be more serious.
(Back to the comic again)
Quik Bunny: That Weather Wizard is endangering one of the great wonders of the world!
Linkara: And what does the Weather Wizard get out of endangering it, exactly?
Linkara (v/o): Superman is also trying to help protect a nearby city, and the Quik Bunny goes into an existential crisis because he can't think of any way to stop Weather Wizard permanently. However, he's shaken out of it, thanks to getting his drug fix with Nestle Quik. He puts together a plan, ordering them to begin programming the computers for Operation: Quick Thinking and to gather every piece of metal and wire lying around the club. The Weather Wizard spots a silhouette resembling the Quik Bunny and fires a lightning bolt at it to put it out of his misery. However, it turns out to be a metal replica of the Quik Bunny, which reflects the lightning right back at him.
Linkara: What, is there a manufacturing plant inside of the clubhouse, too?! How the hell do they make that thing?!
Linkara (v/o): Oh, and get this: it turns out that the reason why the Quik Bunny didn't fall to his death earlier is because he can fly! I'm dead serious! His ears move so rapidly that he can actually fly with them! Okay, whatever, they capture the Weather Wizard. And so, our comic ends with Superman joining the kids for a quick drinking contest, which, naturally, Superman lets the Quik Bunny win. At least, that's my interpretation of it.
Linkara: Holy crap, (holds up comic) this comic sucks!
Linkara (v/o): Admittedly, it's a good laugh just at how incredibly stupid and unbelievable this is, but from a story perspective, the Quik Bunny and his team of child laborers is completely unnecessary. There was no real need for them to be involved, since Superman could basically solve every one of these situations on his own with little or no difficulty. The games were simple, even for little kids, and the Weather Wizard was one-dimensional and baffling in his idiotic plans.
Linkara: Honestly, it takes something special to make the Kool-Aid Man comic look plausible by comparison, and the transforming treehouse and everything else that happened really take the cake. (puts down comic, gets up and leaves)
(End credits roll)
After the events of this comic, the Quik Bunny escaped with the lot of stolen money in his operations with the Weather Wizard. He is currently being pursued by Jesus, the often-misspelled Christian Martial Artist.
And for people wondering about my thoughts on the whole "Superman renounces US citizenship" crap, follow my twitter or the TGWTG forums – the end credits nor the comments section are appropriate venues for such a discussion.
(Stinger: The panel showing the kids arriving in China is shown again)
Maureen: Oh no! It's coming out in Chinese!
Linkara: (sarcastically) No kidding! In China? I would've thought they transmit in Russian!