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Suburban Knights: Part 2

Suburban knights ep 2 by marobot-d3k7olc

Date Aired:
June 28th, 2011
Running Time
15:18
Website


The Nostalgia Critic and his group make their way along a trail through a forest. The Critic reads the map as they walk along.

Handsome Tom: Are you sure you're reading that thing correctly?

NC: I think so. It says, “Five hundred steps into northern siege, you'll enter a field that is filled with trees.” Only forest reserve that's around that distance, so this has gotta be it.

8-Bit Mickey: Well, I, for one, am glad to be on this team. After all, it is the team with the most imagination! Isn't that right, Critic?

NC: *in a disinterested manner* Hm? Oh, yeah, uh. Oh, ah, magical...

Phelous: Well, at least my little friends are having a good time. *speaks to toys* Aren't you, little friends?

8-Bit Mickey: You know, Phelous, I gotta admit. I think you may be getting into character a little too much.

Phelous: What do you mean?

8-Bit Mickey: Well, it seems like you really think... they're alive.

Phelous: But they are alive! They're more alive than YOU!

Mickey looks at him awkwardly for a moment as creepy music plays. Afraid, Mickey moves away from Phelous toward Benzaie.

Benzaie: Fear not, Tinker Bell. The power of Crom will protect you.

Benzaie puts his hand on Mickey's shoulder, though Mickey looks reluctant to accept his help. Meanwhile, Obscurus Lupa converses with the NC at the front of the group.

Lupa: And into what willowing wood of bird and deer have we so sojourned?

NC: ...What?

Lupa: Where are we going?

NC: Oh. Uh, it's sort of hard to follow. It says, “To follow the path without any fail, just follow the one that has the best tale.”

Lupa: You mean, like... one of these paths has a story or something?

NC: I don't know. Just keep your eyes pealed.

Lupa: Alright, well, I'm gonna go back there being all enchanted and shit.

Lupa moves away from the Critic and moves whimsically among the group.

Linkara: Well, if there's anything a good king knows, it's how to keep moral up! Come, come, chaps! Let us sing a song of days gone by!

The group groans at him.

Linkara: Oh, come on, I'm sure you know this old one! *singing* A law was made a distant moon ago here---

Chick: *holding her head* Knock it off. I've got a migraine over here.

Linkara: *singing* Into the woods! Into the woods! Into the woods---

NC: Andrew Loyd Fucker, knock it off with Spamalot over there!

Linkara: *singing * You're the one that I want! Woo hoo hoo---

Benzaie knocks Linkara on the back of the head, knocking him down.

Benzaie: Crom laughs at your show tunes! Somebody carry him!

The group declines. From the ground, Linkara continues to sing, albeit off key now.

Linkara: *singing* Popular, I'm gonna be popular...

As the group walks along, Bennett stops for a moment and notices something in the wood. He calls to the group.

Bennett: Look, yonder nerdlings! Our tale has begun!

He points to what looks like an animal's tail hanging over a log. The NC comes over to Bennett to investigate and Linkara rejoins the group while rubbing the back of his head.

NC: What?

Bennett: That black speck over there.

NC: What about it?

Bennett: It looks like the tail of an animal, does it not? Perhaps that was the tail the map was refering to.

NC: Nah, that can't be it.

Bennett: Critic. The path to enlightenment is the enlightenment of the path.

NC: Yes, and the way to pain is to nail you in the 'nads.

8-Bit Mickey: No, he's right! That does look like a tail. *looks at Bennett* And we should nail you in the 'nads! *looks toward the tail* But we should go that way first.

Phelous: *nods, consulting his toys* My friends agree!

NC: Well, even if it was a tail, what kind of animal could it possibly be connected to?

The tail swiftly moves and the animal turns around, revealing a puppet that looks vaguely like a cat. The creature speaks as the group moves toward it.

Cat: Hault, puny mortals! I am the defender of this path!

NC: Oh my God, we're in a Lamb Chop Sing-Along.

Cat: Do not underestimate me! I know what it is you seek. You are searching for a power greater than any weapon man has ever known! A power that could destroy all mankind!

8-Bit Mickey: Well, he IS funnier than Jeff Dunham. You gotta give him that.

Cat: You are seeking a power known as Malachite's Hand.

The group looks stunned and confused.

NC: How'd you know that?

Cat: Never you mind. Only those who truly know the value of it's power may find it. Only those who are true of heart can unmask it's secret and unwield it's enchanted magic.

Chick: Doesn't the fact that it's magic already make it enchanted?

Cat: Silence! You are not worthy or destined for it's power!

NC: What's your name, beast?

Cat: I am a creature of the ancient world simply known as... Cat.

The group scoffs at the creature.

NC: Cat?

Cat: Yes.

NC: That's your actual name? Cat?

Cat: Pretty much, yes.

Linkara: What, it took you a whole two seconds to come with that?

Bennett: Yeah, a third grader could come up with that.

NC: I know! You'd think for a creature of the “ancient world” he'd have a more creative name than “Cat!”

Cat: What? It's straightforward and self-explanatory!

Lupa: It's self-explanatory that you are an idiot!

Cat: Hey! I don't have to take this!

NC: What are you gonna do, start the Muppet Show?

Cat: You can't talk to a servant of the ancient world that way! I demand respect!

Ongoing Transcript!

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