Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing trailer clips and screenshots from "Star Wars", Episode I: "The Phantom Menace")

Doug (vo): What can I say about the most despised movie prequel in cinema history? Well, I can say this: who has two thumbs and totally saw it coming? (Picture of Nostalgia Critic is shown) This guy. That's right. I have been waiting years for these bragging rights, and now it's finally come. I knew from the first trailer that this was gonna be a bad movie. It just kinda came down to logical deduction.

(Picture of George Lucas frozen in carbonite is shown, before showing the original poster for "A New Hope")

Doug (vo): Lucas only directed one Star Wars film. And, as impressive as it was, it had a lot of problems. The writing was hokey, the acting was stilted, and there's a lot of things that didn't always make sense. But it had a lot of people given advice and limitation, so it still turned out a good product.

(Back to "The Phantom Menace")

Doug (vo): Then, years later, after barely directing a thing, this guy is suddenly supposed to direct a masterpiece? Though, in all fairness, even I couldn't guess it be this bad.

Story

Doug (vo): It starts off as Obi-Wan and his master (Qui-Gon Jinn) are trying to figure out...some sort of political taxation and Federation stuff that...yeah, like you, I can't figure out it, either. They try to help the newly elected child queen Amidala, which...you don't elect queens, and queens can't be children, but, whatevs...and along the way, they come across the death of comedy, Jar Jar Binks, and the death of acting, Anakin Skywalker. Anakin, it turns out, is a virgin birth...yeah, it can't get any more obvious than that...and, according to a blood test, apparently the Force is very strong with him. Oh, the amount of people this pissed off...oh, we'll get to that later. They buy Anakin from one stereotype (Watto) to deliver him to other stereotypes (Nute Gunray) who are in cahoots with the senator named Palpatine, who is secretly the Emperor, who wants to get the Queen to sign the treaty because...political stuff. We get swordfights, gunfights, space battles, and through all of it, I have no idea what they're fighting for. But, who cares, right? (The Imperial Stormtroopers are shown) In the original, it was just an evil Empire. We didn't really know their politics, they were just kind of evil, so maybe we can just do the same thing here, right?