Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer

The Force Awakens Trailer

December 22, 2015

Doug (vo): Hey, everybody. With Christmas right around the corner, we've decided to give you a Sneak Peek at our next review. Enjoy, and happy holidays.

(Cut to scenes reenacting the Force Awakens trailer)

NC: Who are you?

Rey (played by Tamara Chambers): I am no one.

NC: Like Jake Lloyd no one?

Finn: I was raised to do one thing, but I've got nothing to fight for.

(Finn takes off his helmet to reveal he is played by Malcolm Ray)

Finn: Whoa! I'm a black guy!

(Cut to Kylo Ren aboard the Stardestroyer)

Kylo Ren: Nothing will stand in our way. (cuts to a cardboard cutout of Darth Vader's melted mask) I will finish what you started. (turns to the camera) I'm not Luke Skywalker!

NC (vo): A sequel to the most popular film trilogy of all time. What new nitpicky things will geeks obsess over this time?

(Shows a reenactment of when Kylo Ren's lightsaber was first revealed. The top has a sign that says "It's just a lightsaber", and the two mini blades on the sides say "Get" and "Laid")

Rey: There were stories about what happened.

Han Solo (played by Brad Jones): It's true... all of it.

Finn: So, Ewoks destroyed the empire?

Han Solo: I was already reading the script to Indiana Jones, I just didn't care.

Rey (vo): The Force, it's calling to you... just let it in.

Finn: But my midichlorian count isn't high enough to have the Force.

(Finn's hand is shot off, leaving to scream in agony as NC mouths "Thank you" to the offscreen attacked)

(The title of the review appears followed by the date it will air)

Cinema Snob: Critic.... we're home.

(Cut to show the Mos Eisley cantina from The Star Wars Holiday Special)

NC: (disgusted) Where do you spend your nights?

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