Channel Awesome
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock #1

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February 13th, 2012
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A double feature of Atop the Fourth Wall episodes and the end of the "His Blue Soul" storyline!

(For The Nostalgia Critic's review of the actual movie, click here)

(Open where the last episode left off, with Harvey Finevoice and Linkara on Comicron 1, aiming their guns at Pollo's new body)

Harvey: Kid... the robot... It sounds like...

Linkara: It is.

Lord Vyce: (inside Pollo's body) I am.

Harvey: I bet the ghost is just trying to mess with our heads.

Vyce: You only assume that I was the android. It is not my fault if you held this misconception. I am as I always have been: lord and conqueror of all I see. I am Vyce.

Linkara: I've got to say, Lord Vycey, you're looking a lot shorter than I remember.

Vyce: Only thanks to the exile you imposed upon me. Tell me, champion, are you truly so naive that you think I would not have a contingency plan for such an occasion? I have battled and hunted the Entity for what feels like an eternity. As I have extended my gaze, I have encountered resistance, and I've known full well what could happen to me. In the event of such defeat, I equipped my suit with a transdimensional distress beacon so that my Shades could come and rescue me. However, in this case...

(We flash back to Linkara's earlier encounter with Vyce)

Vyce (v/o): I sent the distress call and waited for three years. While it was possible that rescue was coming, with the time differential between universes, it was all too possible that the Shades would not arrive for hundreds of years past my suit's power reserves, and even that assumed if they were coming at all. Your misguided attempts at chivalry, to "save" the universes under my control, could have completely disabled all my forces. I considered my options and decided it was time to make the final sacrifice for my crusade.

(The encounter extends a bit, now in color, with Vyce loosening his gloves)

Vyce (v/o): I have always known the nature of the Entity, a creature of pure living data. Even with my power and my weapons, it was possible that it could not be killed by conventional means.

(Vyce is seen getting down on his knees)

Vyce (v/o): As a last resort, I knew there was one way to ensure victory: become the very thing I hated.

(The screen fills with static and Lord Vyce disappears. Cut back to Comicron 1, with Vyce in Pollo's new body)

Vyce: I am now living data, my physical form restricted to whatever object I possess.

Linkara: How the hell did you get back here?

Vyce: The android's hand.

(Flash back to Linkara's earlier encounter with Vyce, where Linkara contacts Vyce via Mechakara's severed hand)

Vyce (v/o): When you contacted me before our last confrontation, mocked and boasted to me, you closed the main communications channel, but left the signal online. The signal was always meant to be picked up by my ship behind its temporal shields. You may as well have sent a signal flare into the sky inviting my return.

(The hand is now seen zapping Pollo's new body, bringing it to life)

Vyce (v/o): I transferred back through the hand and into the nearest receptacle that could retain my new data form.

Linkara: And that's why the readings resembled the Entity.

Vyce: I am... simpler, more streamlined than the Entity. However, that restricts my ability to possess, limiting myself to inhabiting a mechanical body like this one, and I unfortunately cannot transfer out. I will learn to overcome that limitation with time and study, but before then, I must take back my ship and resume my efforts to destroy the Entity.

Linkara: I hate to be the bearer of good news, Vyce, but your quest is over. The Entity is dead!

Vyce: Nonsense. You couldn't even destroy me. You hardly stand a chance against that abomination.

Linkara: It's true, Vyce! I defeated it by–

Vyce: ENOUGH! (Linkara is startled by Vyce's shout) I have had my fill of your treachery and insolence. Return this ship at once!

Harvey: If you think you're gettin' this ship back, I got some bullets right here that'd be happy to cut a deal with you.

Vyce: I control the propulsion system of this vessel, and with time, I can regain control of the rest.

Linkara: Fine, then. I'll destroy this ship before I ever let you have it again.

Vyce: You wouldn't dare!

Linkara: (grimly walking up to Vyce) I will destroy it!

Vyce: You can no more destroy this ship than you could destroy the Entity.

Linkara: (looking up) Nimue, this is Linkara.

Nimue: (on ship computer) Recognized.

Linkara: Engage auto-destruct sequence. Destruct sequence 1, code 1, 1A. (computer hums briefly, then makes a beeping sound) Harvey?

Harvey: Computer, this is Harvey Finevoice.

Nimue: Recognized.

Harvey: Destruct sequence 2, code 1, 1A, 2B.

(Again, the computer hums briefly, then makes a beeping sound)

Linkara: Nimue?

Nimue: Online. This is Nimue, onboard computer and artificial intelligence of Comicron 1. Destruct sequence 3, code 1, 1B, 2B, 3.

Vyce: You give the computer self-destruct control?

Nimue: This unit is unable to key in the final sequence without the other controls, and there are safeguards to prevent engaging it without authorization.

Vyce: (turning to face computer) And you realize that you will die as well? How does that make you feel, computer?

Nimue: You are a threat to this vessel and to the freedom of all sentient beings. You will not deter this unit.

Linkara: And Nimue can transfer her consciousness to the scout ship and eject that if she needs to.

Nimue: Destruct sequence completed and engaged. Awaiting final code for destruct countdown.

Linkara: Code 000, destruct 0.

Nimue: Destruct sequence is activated. This ship will self-destruct in–

Vyce: Computer! Override priority V0!

Nimue: That code is not recognized.

Linkara: You can use whatever dirty little programs you've hid away to drag this ship halfway across the universe, but (points to himself) I command the computer! So I suggest you give up now! Otherwise–

(Suddenly, a bright flash of light emerges from Vyce, blinding Linkara and Harvey. They cover their eyes, and Harvey stumbles and accidentally fires a shot from his gun by accident. A huge beam of light emerges from the top of Vyce's Pollo body, accompanied by the sound of electrical crackling. Vyce then floats away, the beam still emerging from him. The bright light is gone, and so is Vyce. They hear the sound of crackling)

Linkara: (alarmed) Nimue, what the hell was that?!

Nimue: Information: The intruder has tapped into the ship's power systems and channeled increased energy into the power conduits of wherever he is moving. The overflow of energy is leaking in full into his circuitry, increasing his power tenfold.

Linkara: Is he heading for the scout ship?

Nimue: Negative. He appears to be heading for the bridge.

Linkara: Probably hoping to override the self-destruct. Nimue, is he capable?

Nimue: Unknown at this time. The intruder was able to circumvent many security measures on the ship, thanks to his knowledge of its internal workings.

Linkara: Then we'll take the easy way out of this. Nimue, how long did you set the self-destruct for?

Nimue: Fourteen minutes. Will allow more than enough time for escape.

Harvey: (putting his gun back in his coat pocket) Kid, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Linkara: Yeah, we're not gonna give him the chance to override. Nimue, lower the shields and heat up the Vigilant. With the shields down, full weapons on the engine room will blow this ship straight to hell!

Nimue: Beginning scout ship startup sequence.

Linkara: (calling out) Linkara to Linksano: we're abandoning ship! Get the Cybermats and meet us in the hangar bay. (to his surprise, however, there is no response) Linksano?

Nimue: Information: The intruder is drawing power away from several sectors, including internal communications, teleportation, and door controls.

Linkara: Door controls? (becomes alarmed) Door controls! (runs toward the closed door, then stops and takes out his space gun)

Nimue: Warning! There is not sufficient power in that weapon to cut through this door.

Linkara: (grunts in frustration) Nimue, can you get the door open?

Nimue: Negative. A security sentry has been summoned to attempt to force it open, but with internal communications offline, there is no guarantee it shall arrive.

Harvey: So what do we do now?

Linkara: The only thing I can do: review a comic book.

(With that, the AT4W title sequence begins; title card has the end titles from Star Trek III playing in the background. Then return to Linkara on the ship, addressing the camera)

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. I think Star Trek III: The Search for Spock is actually a really underrated film in the franchise.

(Footage of Star Trek III is shown)

Linkara (v/o): Not that I've ever run into anyone who thinks that it's a bad movie, just that it's an okay movie. Part of the problem is that it comes right after the powerhouse of awesome that was Star Trek II. I've gushed about that film so much already that I have nothing else to say, other than you should go see it and avoid the unnecessary comic adaptation made 27 years after the film came out. But back to Star Trek III: I actually think it's really good. As good as II? Of course not. But I think a lot of praise should go to Christopher Lloyd, who plays the Klingon villain, Kruge. Many people consider him a boring villain; not much going for him. However, I believe the problem of why he doesn't seem as memorable or interesting comes from the fact that he's not a particularly quotable villain.

(Cut to a clip of Star Trek II, showing Khan)

Linkara (v/o): With Khan, you have an intense performance by Ricardo Montalban, where almost everything he says becomes an instant classic.

(Cut back to Kruge in Star Trek III)

Linkara (v/o): The great thing about the character of Kruge, though, is in all the stuff you have to read into. It's more subtle in his character motivations and emotions. There's no way to talk about this without giving spoilers, but then again, why the hell would you be watching a video about a movie like this if you weren't ready for them anyway? We'll get into this as we proceed through the review, but Kruge is not evil and he's not motivated by selfish desires, like Khan was. In Star Trek's latter years, Klingons started to become almost animalistic and cartoonish, to the point where you wondered how the hell a species like this ever developed space travel. But in these early days, when Klingons were still being fleshed out a bit, we have characters like Kruge: honorable and motivated by loyalty to his people and to his crew.

(In the film, Kruge kills one of his crew by shooting him with a laser gun which causes the crewman to disintegrate)

Linkara (v/o): ...Some exceptions notwithstanding, but I'll get to that later.

Linkara: Another problem with the film is that it doesn't exactly feel like a movie. If Star Trek: Insurrection feels like a really crappy episode of a TV series, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock feels like a really good episode of a TV series.

Linkara (v/o): And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, especially since there are plenty of episodes of any of the five live-action Star Trek series that I've put above some of the movies, but that's why I say I get why a lot of people don't place Star Trek III that high on their lists of favorite movies. But I really like it and we're going to look at its adaptation.

(Cut to a closeup of the cover of the comic adaptation of Star Trek III)

Linkara (v/o): This won't be like the reviews of the Star Trek II comics, primarily because this comic came out at the same time as the movie. The creative team probably only had a preliminary script to work off of and maybe some cast photos to try to get the art to match them somewhat.

(Shots of the comic adaptation of Star Trek: The Motion Picture are shown)

Linkara (v/o): However, unlike both The Motion Picture's comic adaptation and Star Trek II's adaptation, this comic is a 63-page one-shot. Admittedly, that's roughly the length of three issues, but still less than the total, so we'll see if that affects the pacing.

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up... nothing) Star Trek III: The... Search... (becomes disappointed as he notices he doesn't actually have the comic on him) for Spock...

(Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)

Linkara (v/o): Yeah, I don't have a copy on hand, but like the Motion Picture adaptation, this one is available on that DVD of Star Trek movie comics. However, IBW, which currently holds the Star Trek comic license at the time of this video, has released a trade paperback collecting the comic adaptations of Star Trek II, III and IV. So if you're interested in book form, there you go. Our cover is pretty good and the art style actually looks like it could actually be a movie poster... except it feels incomplete. I think the problem is that it's really lacking material in the upper-right and lower-left corners. There's just a bunch of blank space that you could fill with, I don't know, the Excelsior? Neiman Marcus? I'm just throwing out ideas. As I've stated before, the Star Trek comic license has bounced around to a ton of publishers, and this time, we're back to DC.

(Cut to a shot of the cover of "Star Trek #1", which was also published by DC)

Linkara (v/o): Way back in 2009, you may recall my review of DC's "Star Trek #1", which was supposed to take place right after the events of Wrath of Khan. Well, it wouldn't be DC if they didn't wipe out their own continuity and start anew, as, of course, this comic completely invalidates their comic series they were publishing.

(Cut to the first page of the Star Trek III comic)

Linkara (v/o): We open on the Genesis planet... which, in this shot, looks like a Magic 8 Ball. We zoom in closer on the planet and come to Spock's torpedo, helpfully labeled in big, bright red letters, "MARK IV".

Linkara: When Starfleet blows you up, they want you to know that it was with a quality Mark IV torpedo. Only cheapskates and Romulans use Mark I torpedoes.

Linkara (v/o): Hello, completely useless splash page trying to pretend this is a movie when it was, you know, an adaptation. We truly open on the U.S.S. Grissom, an Overclass starship. The Overclass is where you tilt your head and wonder, "Wait, how the hell does everybody get to the lower section of this ship unless they want to walk by the radiation from the warp cells?" Captain Esteban has been sent to the planet, along with David Marcus... but not Carol Marcus, because... we're never given a reason why not, and Saavik, who apparently graduated from the academy between movies, even though this takes place right after Star Trek II... Oh, whatever. They come to the Genesis planet to begin scientific analysis. They scan the planet and detect that certain patches within a few hours of each other are experiencing radical and rapid changes in weather, but they also detect a manufactured object. Based on the size of it, they reason out that the torpedo Spock was put into must have soft-landed on the planet by mistake. And of course, no one thinks "You know, maybe we ought to beam him back up. I mean, I know naval tradition and all that, but don't you think his family might want to give him a proper burial or something?" They decide to inform Starfleet that they found the torpedo. Aaaand that leads to this panel of David giving Saavik a shocked look? Why the hell is he looking at her like that?

Linkara: (as Marcus) Wait a second! (points) You're not Kirstie Alley! WHO ARE YOU?!

Linkara (v/o): We cut over to the Enterprise, shortly after they've rescued the crew of the Reliant from Ceti Alpha 5.

Captain James T. Kirk: (narrating) Captain's Log, personal: With most of our battle damage repaired, we are almost home, and yet I feel... uneasy. And I wonder why.

Linkara: (as Kirk) Was the zombie Spock one of a kind, or merely a harbinger of the zombie apocalypse to come?

Kirk: (narrating) Perhaps it is the erratic behavior of Dr. McCoy... or the emptiness of this vessel: most of our trainee crew has been reassigned... Lieutenant Saavik and my son David are exploring a new world... and the Enterprise feels like a house with all its children gone.

Linkara: (as Kirk) And thank God for that, because I can finally get some sleep around here. Damn kids.

Kirk: (narrating) It seems that I have left the noblest part of myself back there...on that newborn planet.

Linkara: (as Kirk) I feel almost as bad as that time when Spock's brain got stolen. (beat, then becomes upset) STOP LAUGHING! THAT REALLY HAPPENED!

Linkara (v/o): The ship is heading into space dock for repairs and Starfleet is being quiet anytime the Enterprise asks about Genesis. With most of the trainee crew gone, Scotty is working to automate a lot of the functions of the ship, which will be useful later. Kirk decides to head to his quarters, but runs into Dr. McCoy in the turbo lift.

Kirk: Are you planning to shave today?

Linkara: (as McCoy) Nah, I'm going back to the Disco Unabomber. Look, I thought it gave me character.

Linkara (v/o): McCoy asks Kirk where they're going, but when he says they're almost to Earth, McCoy says they're heading in the wrong direction.

Kirk: Bones, don't do this. This is me, Jim...your friend.

McCoy: And I have been, and always shall be, yours.

Kirk: Damn it, Bones, don't quote Spock to me!

Linkara: (as Kirk) I get that enough at conventions! I don't need it from you, too!

Linkara (v/o): McCoy continues to be cryptic about wanting to go back to Genesis, sometimes saying to Kirk...

McCoy: Why did you leave me on Genesis?

Linkara (v/o): But he snaps out of it and Kirk tells McCoy to accepts Spock's death. We cut to a freighter in deep space.

Freighter captain: Steady, boys... Keep scanning...

Linkara: (as freighter captain) If Mario goes into space once, chances are he'll do it again.

Linkara (v/o): The captain of the freighter talks to a Klingon woman, Valkris, who... Wait, what the hell is she wearing? I don't mean just the weird-ass face mask that she has on for absolutely no reason. I mean the goofy headdress, too. Is that some ancient Klingon tradition? (dramatic voice) "It is very honorable to stick fried pickles on your head." Anyway, the captain wants to know why their contact isn't there yet, and Valkris says they've been there for a while.

Valkris: I can feel his presence.

Linkara: Yeah, Klingons are very in tune with the Force, you know.

Linkara (v/o): Anyway, she sends out a general hail, letting them know she has the data that he wanted. Kruge's ship decloaks, revealing the Klingon Bird of Prey. She transmits the data and says she thinks that'll be essential to his mission.

Kruge: Then you have seen it?

Valkris: I have, my lord.

Kruge: That is unfortunate.

Valkris: I understand.

Linkara (v/o): And Kruge proceeds to blow up the freighter, killing his wife and proclaiming...

Kruge: You will be remembered with honor.

Linkara (v/o): And here's that first point about Kruge's character and the first transformation of Klingons to what they would be in modern Trek: the emphasis on honor and, in this case, loyalty. Valkris doesn't plead, doesn't beg, but completely understands why she has to die. Given her attire, she's probably not a member of the Klingon military, and information about something like Genesis, a device capable of wiping out all life on a world, is probably not something that you can risk falling into somebody else's hands, so she can't be allowed to know about it. She understands completely and Kruge does as well, so he grants her an honorable death, even though it probably pains him to do so. But that's small potatoes; let's continue. Back at Genesis, the Grissom sensors detect an animal lifeform on the surface of the planet, even though there shouldn't be any life forms, given that Genesis was only designed to produce plant life. Although, how the hell an ecosystem is supposed to flourish without animal life of some kind is rather head-scratching, but hey, future technology, alien worlds, whatever, I'll buy it. The captain, not being a total idiot, doesn't want to beam it up to the ship, so Saavik and David suggest beaming down and taking a look at it themselves. Back over to the Enterprise, they enter space dock, and, unlike the movie, we see that there are at least a dozen other ships standing there, which is something I like. Otherwise, the movie reinforces my theory that only two Starships are supposed to be active at any given time in Star Trek. Buuut this will create a big-ass plot hole later. Anyway, particular care is given to show us the Excelsior, fresh off the construction lines and ready for trial runs. Scotty, however, is unimpressed.

Scotty: (to Kirk) I'm sorry, sir, but there's nothin' needed for space travel that this old girl doesn't already have!

Kirk: Come, come, Scotty. Young minds, fresh ideas. Be tolerant.

Linkara: (as Kirk) After all, if you can be tolerant of (points to his head) this haircut, you can be tolerant of anything.

Linkara (v/o): There's been a break-in in Spock's quarters, and Kirk decides to go check it out himself. When he goes in, he finds Dr. McCoy rambling and speaking as if he were Spock.

McCoy: Climb the steps, Jim... The steps of Mount Seleya...

Linkara: (as McCoy) Or you can take the escalator... The escalator of Mount Seleya...

Linkara (v/o): McCoy passes out, and we cut to a few minutes later, where Kirk is meeting another admiral [Admiral Morrow] that has come on board with new orders: shore leave for everybody except Scotty, who's being reassigned to the Excelsior.

Scotty: But, sir--the Enterprise refit will need a practiced hand... It could take months.

Morrow: Mr. Scott, there won't be a refit! The Enterprise is 20 years old; we think her day is over.

Linkara: (as Morrow; waving dismissively) Aw, screw the historical significance of this ship; we're scrapping it first chance we get!

Linkara (v/o): Kirk says he was hoping to take the ship back to Genesis, but the admiral yells that it's out of the question, that it's considered a quarantined planet and a forbidden subject. Gee, it's almost like the Federation didn't consider a device capable of killing everything living thing on a world would be controversial until RIGHT NOW! Anyway, we cut back to Kruge, who finishes watching the data he got: an updated Genesis briefing he got from Kirk that talks about the Genesis planet. He asks for his men's opinion, and this where I have to kind of grumble about a change in dialogue. As I stated before, Kruge is not a character motivated by selfish desires, but there's dialogue missing here that went to his character.

(Cut to a clip of the film, showing Kruge)

Linkara (v/o): When his men speak of the possibilities of Genesis, one of them says that it's impressive that they can create planets, to which Kruge replied...

Kruge: Oh, yes. New cities, homes in the country, your woman at your side, children playing at your feet, and overhead, fluttering in the breeze, the flag of the Federation. Charming.

Linkara (v/o): Clearly, he's terrified that the Federation will use it as a weapon of war against the Klingons. Thus, his motives aren't evil.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Here, though...

Kruge: We are going to this "planet," Maltz. We will act for the preservation of our race! With its secret, we will dominate...destroy!

Linkara: Yes, the only way to preserve your race is to dominate and destroy! (beat; then becomes confused) What?

Linkara (v/o): On Genesis, Saavik and David find Spock's tomb and discover a bunch of worms all over the surface of it. They theorize that they were microbes on the tomb's surface that turned into these creatures.

Saavik: But how could they have evolved so quickly?

Linkara: (as Saavik) And without a digivice to help out? Crazy!

Linkara (v/o): They open the tube and discover Spock's body is missing, but his burial robe is still there.

Linkara: Aw, great! Leonard Nimoy is high again! We're gonna find him leaping from movie set to movie set, screaming "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins".

Linkara (v/o): The planet suddenly shakes, much to the surprise of the two. Back to Kirk and company, he's holding a gathering of the Enterprise bridge crew, minus Scotty and Dr. McCoy, when Sarek, Spock's father, shows up. He demands to know why Kirk didn't bring Spock's body to Vulcan like he requested, but Kirk denies that any request like that was ever made. Sarek decides to mind-meld with him to get his thoughts on the matter. And thus, he looks into Kirk's mind.

(Audio from Airplane II plays over this panel)

Commander Murdock (William Shatner): There are literally hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights, blinking and beeping and flashing. They're flashing and they're beeping. I can't stand it anymore! THE BLINKING AND BEEPING AND FLASHING!

Linkara (v/o): Finding nothing, Sarek apologizes, having assumed that Spock mind-melded with him before the end.

Sarek: Then his katra, his living spirit...everything that he was, that he knew... is lost.

Linkara: Hey, don't feel sad. There's always reruns.

Linkara (v/o): Kirk suggests that he melded with someone else, and cue up Star Trek II footage, realizing that it was McCoy who got the katra. Sarek says that Kirk must travel to Genesis, get Spock's body, and bring both to Mount Seleya on Vulcan.

Sarek: Only there can both find peace.

Linkara (v/o): Now, as my fellow reviewer SF Debris pointed out in his review of the film, this doesn't make a lot of sense. At this point, Kirk doesn't know that Spock's body is alive on Genesis. It isn't really a matter of a burial rights thing, either, since Kirk isn't at all surprised later that Spock's body is walking around, and all of the discussion after this suggests that it's about bringing Spock back to full charge and everything. Maybe my Zombie Spock thing isn't all that off in this movie. Kirk goes to the Admiral and requests that the Enterprise go to Genesis, but he refuses, since the Federation Council has ruled that no one but the science team go there. Kirk quickly departs.

Hikaru Sulu: (to Kirk) The word, sir?

Linkara: (as Kirk) "Bird" is the word, Sulu.

Linkara (v/o): Kirk declares that he's going to go anyway, and of course, Sulu and Chekov pledge to help. Dr. McCoy meanwhile heads to a space bar, where he meets a space alien to try to charter a secret flight to Genesis himself. However, a Federation security agent is nearby who suggests that he shouldn't be talking so loudly about Genesis. What's amusing to me... but only because of hindsight; they probably didn't have a photo of the guy... is that in the comic, the security agent is a blond-haired, white guy...

(Cut to a concurrent scene in the movie)

Linkara (v/o): ...while in the movie, it's a black guy.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Somehow this erupts into a bar fight... because it's fiction; you can't enter a bar without a fight breaking out. But it really leads to nothing except McCoy getting arrested after he tries and fails to do the Vulcan neck pinch on the security guy.

(Cut to a clip of Spaceballs, showing Lone Starr trying to do the Vulcan neck pinch on a Megamaid Guard)

Guard: No, no, no, stupid. You got it too high. It's down here, where the shoulder meets the neck.

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): Saavik and David find Spock, but the Genesis effect has somehow regressed him to a child. So it makes microbes bigger and more evolved, but it makes Spock smaller and younger? When they contact the Grissom about this, they're not sure how to handle this and decide to call Starfleet. However, the Klingons arrive and destroy the ship. Kruge is none too happy.

Kruge: I told you, disable their engine section only! I wanted prisoners!

Gunner: A fortunate mistake, sir...

Linkara (v/o): At this, he calls the gunner an animal and vaporizes him. Again, a note on his character: One might consider this a "kill a subordinate for making a mistake" cliche, but with the insult calling him an animal, I think it's again a demonstration of character: Kruge doesn't kill out of a desire to murder, but rather, he'll kill for what he thinks are logical or honorable reasons.

(Cut to a concurrent scene in the movie)

Linkara (v/o): The gunner disregarded his orders just to destroy a science vessel and murder everyone on board. Let's face it, a science vessel is no match for a warship, and killing a weaker, practically defenseless enemy is pretty damn dishonorable, so he responded in kind by killing someone who couldn't obey orders and showed a blatant disregard for life and their mission. Yeah, maybe I'm wrong, but it's how I interpret his actions.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Anyway, they detect life signs on the planet, and Saavik reasons out that the Grissom has been destroyed and that whoever's responsible will be coming after them. We also have some scene reshuffling and condensing, which isn't as big of a problem as it was in Star Trek II, though it is odd that they're doing it so early. Saavik asks about Genesis and notes that the planet isn't as how David expected it to be. He admits that he used "protomatter" in the creation of Genesis.

Saavik: Protomatter; an unstable substance which every ethical scientist in the galaxy has denounced as dangerously unpredictable.

Linkara: And considering how many times on this show we've seen just how evil science actually is, that's a pretty damning statement.

David: It was the only way to solve certain problems... but my mother knew nothing about it!

Linkara: (as David) She only designed the kill-a-matrix and the murder-o-meter for the thing.

Linkara (v/o): Back at Starfleet, Kirk arrives to meet McCoy at a Federation holding cell... and promptly knocks out the guard with a judo chop. Um, a little early there, Jimmy. He explains to McCoy about the mind-meld and leads McCoy out. Sulu hi-keebas the other guard.

Sulu: I told him not to call me "Tiny"...

Linkara: (confused) When? They left that scene out of the comic.

Linkara (v/o): On board the Excelsior, Scotty has finished his own work and beams over to the Enterprise. Uhura's contribution to the escape is that she got herself stationed to an old transporter station on Earth, providing an escape for the group to the ship. She promises to rendezvous with them on Vulcan, because, of course, we can't have a girl along on the rescue mission; she'd ruin it with her cooties! Well, okay, they probably aren't going to need a communications officer on this mission, but I'm just saying, an extra set of hands would probably be helpful, especially since they're not piloting the ship with a full crew. They begin their escape in the Enterprise, probably the best scene in the movie. Chekov reports that the Excelsior has orders to pursue them and– Wait, wait, wait. What the hell? Kirk was wearing a leather jacket just a second ago! What, did he suddenly decide, in between panels, that it would be better if he was wearing his uniform, especially on a mission where he's defying Starfleet and stealing a ship? In the next shot, when we see him in it, it actually looks really badly drawn, like some comically oversized version of it, with a huge Starfleet insignia, too. Anyway, the Enterprise escapes and the Excelsior has been disabled, thanks to Scotty.

Scotty: Aye, sir. The more complicated the plumbin', the easier it is to stop up the drain.

Linkara: (as Scotty) I'm Montgomery Scott, and I endorse Drano for your pipes.

Linkara (v/o): You know, we saw, like, ten other ships in that space dock. Maybe you could have one of them quickly go after the Enterprise? No? Okay. Over on Genesis, Kruge and his remaining party are tracking David and Saavik. Why they didn't just beam down to where they were, I'll never know. And we see that the microbe worms in the torpedo casing have evolved to rookie level and changed even further to fanged snake creatures. Because, of course, that's the direction evolution would take them in when they're in an environment without any predators or prey to speak of. When his officers are frightened of the snakes, Kruge takes a moment to pick one up and crush it to show he has no fear.

(Cut to a clip of the movie, where Kruge is struggling with this snake creature as it wraps around him, trying to crush him, but he crushes it through his sheer strength)

Linkara (v/o): In the movie, there's no real reason why the hell he does this, but I prefer to think from a storytelling perspective, it's to show he has great physical strength to compliment his eventual battle with Kirk at the end.

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): David reports to Saavik that the planet is aging in surges along with Spock and that because of the unstable protomatter, it's likely that the planet is going to explode within a few hours, days at best. Back on the Enterprise, McCoy's uniform decides to shift between panels as well, going from his white coat to his full red uniform.

(Cut to Phelous)

Phelous: Great continuity! (gives a double thumbs-up)

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Chekov's uniform returns as well, though I'm less upset about that one. It fixes the absolutely...

(Cut to yet another clip of the movie, showing Kirk's crew, with Chekov wearing a pink jumpsuit)

Linkara (v/o): ...hideous pink jumpsuit he was wearing in the movie.

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): And back to Genesis. We do love not staying on one scene for too long. Spock has reached his teenage years and is undergoing "pon farr", the Vulcan biological need to mate every seven years or they'll die.

Linkara: Eh, I say let him croak. He's already turned undead once; if he comes back again, we can officially count him as a Time-Lord.

Linkara (v/o): But nah, Saavik does the deed, and the Enterprise arrives in the area. The Bird of Prey detects them first and cloaks. Back on the planet, Kruge's party has located the three and he demands to know the secrets of Genesis. They deny any knowledge, but before Kruge can interrogate them any further, his ship alerts him to the Enterprise's arrival. This is another great scene from the movie, as we see the experience of both captains being put to the test. Kruge hopes to catch his enemy by surprise, but they see the distortion caused by the cloaking device and ready themselves, arming weapons, but keeping the shields down to lull them into a false sense of security. The ship de-cloaks and BAM! Kirk fires torpedoes on the Bird of Prey!

Bird of Prey helmsman: Sir, the cloaking device is destroyed!

Linkara: (as Kruge) Bah! Who cares about that? It's not like they're gonna use it in the next movie or anything.

Linkara (v/o): The Enterprise, however, is in even worse shape. The automated system has been overloaded and they can't raise the shields. Kruge fires back and completely destroys the automation system, leaving the ship at the mercy of the Klingons. However, this is our next bit of insight into the coolness of Kruge. He's smart. Some of the lines are cut in the comic, but he recognizes that the Enterprise outguns their ship, and yet they're not finishing the job. And I just noticed that Scotty's wearing a uniform now, too. (sighs) Was it really that damn important for them to change clothes after stealing the ship? Or in Kirk's case, during the theft? Kirk demands that the Klingons surrender, but Kruge calls his bluff and tells Kirk about his prisoners. To show that he means business, he orders his men to kill one of them. Saavik is about to be stabbed in the back, but David intervenes and takes the knife for her.

Kirk: Klingon bastard...! You've killed my son!

Kruge: Have I?

Linkara: (bursts out laughing) Okay, that line wasn't in the movie, but I do love how that doesn't even phase him one second. (as Kruge) I killed your son? Huh, neat.

Linkara (v/o): Kruge demands their surrender, and Kirk agrees. They're given two minutes to prepare for their arrival, and Kirk starts plotting.

Kirk: Mr. Sulu, what is the crew compliment of a Bird of Prey?

Sulu: About a dozen officers and men, sir...

Linkara (v/o): (incredulously) Only a dozen?!

(A clip of the movie is shown, depicting the Enterprise and the Bird of Prey to be of similar size and build)

Linkara (v/o): The ships are THE SAME DAMN SIZE!

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): The crew complimented the Enterprise as about 400 people! Damn, those Klingons are efficient little buggers, aren't they? Anyway, Kirk orders Sulu and McCoy to the transporter room, while the remaining three activate the ship's self-destruct sequence. Kruge sends most of his crew over, hoping to take the superior ship and gain the Genesis information from the data banks. The bridge crew beam down to Genesis right before Kruge's men arrive, and the Klingons make their way to the bridge. When they arrive, they call Kruge and hear the self-destruct countdown, prompting their leader to yell at them to get out of there. And then, Enterprise go boom.

Linkara: Ooh, crap. I don't think we're gonna get the down payment back on that.

Kirk: My God, Bones... What have I done?

Linkara: (as McCoy) You forced us to change the opening narration. Now it's "These are the voyages of a bunch of guys who don't have a spaceship."

Linkara (v/o): Fortunately, the crew is beamed down relatively close to Saavik, Spock and the Klingons holding them. On the Bird of Prey, Kruge has some lines that weren't in the movie.

Kruge: He destroyed himself...The one thing I didn't anticipate...A human has been bolder, more ruthless than I...That is the real dishonor!

Linkara (v/o): Yyyyeah, I don't like that, and I'll explain why in a minute. One of the Klingons, seeing Spock convulsing in pain, gets in closer for a look, ending up with Spock grabbing his face.

Linkara: (as Spock, pretending to grab someone's face) Got your nose!

(A crack sound is heard as, in one panel, the word "SNAPPP" is displayed, along with Kruge exclaiming, "By Kahless!")

Linkara: Huh, I guess there is such a thing as the Vulcan Death Grip.

Linkara (v/o): Kirk arrives and kills the remaining Klingons, but then spots the dead body of David.

Kirk: My son... "To thee no star be dark... Both heaven and earth... friend thee forever."

McCoy: Jim!

Linkara: (as McCoy) Stop mourning your stupid dead son and check out your undead best friend!

Linkara (v/o): Spock's not in good shape since he's somehow linked to the planet, so they need to get him off of it as soon as possible, especially since the planet's breaking up. Kirk finds the Klingons' communicator and calls Kruge, telling him he has the secret of Genesis, but that he'll have to beam them up to get it. And here's where we need to stop and talk about Kruge again. My character analysis has been leading up to this moment. They cut it out of the comic, no doubt because it probably wasn't really specified in the script, but in the movie, this scene belongs to Christopher Lloyd. How do we see Kruge when Kirk calls him?

(Cut to footage of the movie as Linkara describes it)

Linkara (v/o): With his head in his hands. And bear in mind that in the film, the last time we saw him, he was screaming his head off for his men to get out before the ship exploded. My interpretation of the character is that we see him recognize his own personal failure. He was confident he could salvage his mission, save his people, but he couldn't even save his own men, the men he ordered into a trap. It's his responsibility, his fault, that his men died an honorless death, not in battle, but what could be considered a cowardly act by his enemy. He's disgraced and dishonored himself. Thus, Kirk's call shows him his chance at redemption, not just for himself, but for the men he lost. And as such, he beams down himself to take on Kirk personally.

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): And thus, when Kirk yells...

Kirk: If we don't help each other, we'll die here!

Linkara (v/o): ...his only response is...

Kruge: Perfect! That's the way it shall be!

Linkara (v/o): He has his last officer on board the Bird of Prey beam the rest up as prisoners and we begin EPIC KIRK ACTION SCENE!

(As dramatic music from the movie plays in the background, we treated to some panels of Kirk and Kruge battling one another)

Linkara (v/o): They fight until Kruge is hanging off a ledge, and Kirk, being a good guy, offers his hand, but Kruge just grabs his leg and pulls him down. Kirk kicks Kruge over the edge into... uh, fire, since we don't see any lava in the comic version. So Kirk gets aboard and says he'll kill the Klingon later, then orders them to fly the hell out of there, Genesis exploding behind them. Kirk whispers a goodbye to David, tells the Klingon he was just kidding about killing him, and they make their way to Vulcan.

Linkara: And here's where we have that plot hole come up again about Spock's Katra... and not knowing about his body being alive.

Linkara (v/o): Kirk tells Saavik to contact Vulcan and tells her to prepare for the Katra ritual with Spock's body, but Saavik explains that...

Saavik: The Katra ritual is meant to deposit Spock's consciousness in the Hall of Ancient Thought...not in his body.


Linkara (v/o): She does say that there is a ritual to restore Spock's Katra to his body, but it hasn't been done in centuries and is very dangerous. Anyway, the Bird of Prey soon arrives at Vulcan.

Kirk: Open a channel to Ambassador Sarek; tell him we're coming in.

Linkara: (as a Vulcanite) This is Vulcan to Space Traffic Control. We're clearing– Oh, my God, that's a Klingon Bird of Prey! SHOOT IT DOWN!!

Linkara (v/o): They land the ship and take Spock's unconscious body out, carrying him up to Mount Seleya.

Child ruler: Live long and prosper, Spock...

Linkara: (confused) And you are...?

Linkara (v/o): They reach the top and... Okay, really?! REALLY?! A giant Vulcan hand salute statue?! How very logical of them! Anyway, blah, blah, blah, ceremony is dangerous, the rest of the crew waits farther down for a whole day, and apparently slept there, too.

Kirk: ...Strangest dream, I--

Linkara: (as Kirk, laughs) I had the strangest dream that my son was dead and the ship that I loved had been destroyed. (laughs and sighs) How did everybody else sleep?

Linkara (v/o): Spock comes down the stairs to meet with them, but he's not exactly at a hundred percent after his experience, not having a full memory of everything that happened. After talking with Kirk for a minute, he starts to remember his last moments of life, until finally...

Spock: ...Jim... Your name is Jim.

Kirk: ...Yes! Welcome back, Spock...

Linkara: (as Spock) And your name is Dr. McCoy... (as McCoy) That's right! (as Spock) You owe me ten bucks.

Linkara (v/o): So yes, Spock is alive again and regaining his memory.

(Cut to a clip of an episode of The Simpsons, showing Leonard Nimoy, dressed as his role as Spock, watching passengers get off of a monorail)

Nimoy: Well, my work is done here.

Barney Gumble: (walking up to him) What do you mean, your work is done? You didn't do anything.

Nimoy: (chuckles) Didn't I?

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): And so, our comic ends with a quote from Edith Keeler, a character from an excellent old Star Trek episode.

Keeler: You belong at your captain's side, Mr. Spock... as if you've always been there, and always will.

Linkara: (as Keeler) Ready to have slash fics written about the two of you. (normal voice; holds up index finger) This comic... (hesitates slightly) does not suck, but as an adaptation... er, that's trickier.

Linkara (v/o): It's not really a bad adaptation, and I always like seeing other bits of dialogue in scenes that weren't included in the movie itself. However, a lot of those scenes are also unnecessary, and unfortunately, it doesn't really fix any of the plot holes the film had. Plus, I'm disappointed at the handling of Kruge, who I still feel is an underrated villain in the movies, and I hope I've convinced some of you in the process. However, it's enjoyable, and the pacing moves a bit faster than the movie, despite some artistic errors, and I'd say definitely worth a read.

Linkara: Hopefully, though, I can get out of here before my ship blows up.

Nimue: Information: Internal communication is restored. The intruder is contacting you.

Linkara: Put him on.

(Cut to Lord Vyce on the ship's bridge)

Vyce: Disengage the auto-destruct sequence and relinquish this ship to me.

Linkara: (sarcastically) What, having some trouble there, Lordy-loo?

Vyce: Quite the contrary. I believe I will have the auto-destruct disabled very soon, despite your extensive security measures. However, I am offering you a chance to leave now or suffer my wrath.

Linkara: Thanks, but no thanks.

Vyce: Do not think you can spar with me, champion! Others before you have tried and failed.

Linkara: (waving dismissively) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and by the way, (mockingly) conqueror of universes, (normal again) your reputation is a little exaggerated. Pollo was working on trying to free some of those parallel universes. Turns out you had only conquered one or two worlds before you moved on.

Vyce: The Entity fled quickly whenever I closed in on it. The conquests ensured that I could more efficiently identify who or what it was possessing. A host body could more easily elude my sensors than its raw form. The reputation was just there to encourage compliance among future conquests. But it was not at all undeserved. I did not simply challenge champions. The Entity was not the only multiversal threat I have encountered. It is simply the only one that survived battle with me.

Linkara: And yet, I kicked your ass. (shrugs) Funny, that.

Vyce: I had grown complacent and was willing to believe Linksano, since he showed no signs of infection by the Entity. I thought him merely a genius with mad aspirations. I underestimated how devious he truly was. I will not make the same mistake again. Though, I suppose I should thank him. He has shown me how I truly can only rely upon myself in this war with the Entity.

Linkara: I love how you're not even wearing that big-ass helmet anymore, and yet you're still as thick-headed. The Entity is DEAD, Vyce!

Vyce: I pursued the Entity through universes' pure majesty. I chased it across cosmos and dimensions, bore weakness to entire worlds devoured in mere hours, and I found ways to pierce the skin of a being made of pure data. You are an ant who demanded that the wind obey its commands. You could no sooner kill the Entity than you could me.

Linkara: There are visual records of it, you know.

Vyce: At best, a ruse from the Entity to buy itself time; at worst, a fabrication by you to deceive me. Either way is irrelevant. Surrender my ship, so that I can continue my hunt.

Linkara: Let you go on conquering worlds in the name of "protection"? That'll be the day. Linkara out!

(Suddenly, the door opens and a Cybermat comes into the room)

Nimue: Information: With internal communications restored, a security sentry was contacted, sent here to open the doors.

Linkara: (elated) HA! Nimue, you've earned your paycheck for this week. How much longer before the auto-destruct?

Nimue: Five minutes.

Linkara: More than enough time. Harvey, get down to engineering and help Linksano with whatever he needs to salvage, then get to the Vigilant.

Harvey: What about you? Where are you going?

Linkara: To the bridge. I'm gonna try to stop Vyce from overriding the self-destruct. We cannot let him get possession of the ship again. If I don't make it back in time, use the emergency teleport on board the Vigilant to get me out of there.

Harvey: I'm on it, kid. Good luck. (leaves)

(As the ship continues on its course toward deep space, Harvey gets to engineering, where Linksano is playing with a scanner)

Harvey: Yo, Dr. Big Eyes! We gotta blow before the ship does!

Dr. Linksano: (exasperated) I know, I know! It's just...

Harvey: Just what?!

Dr. Linksano: There was another teleportation signal right before ours. I've been trying to isolate it.

Harvey: It doesn't matter right now! Let's move!

(Harvey starts to leave. After a moment's hesitation, Linksano, grunting in frustration, leaves as well. Meanwhile, Linkara makes his way to the bridge where Vyce is. Linkara sneaks up behind Vyce, whose back is turned to Linkara. But before Linkara can fire his gun at him, Vyce turns around abruptly and fires his enhanced beam at Linkara's chest, knocking him backward)

Vyce: Did you really believe that I would fall for the same maneuver twice?! (fires another beam at Linkara, weakening him further) You are pathetic, champion. Even now, your efforts are futile.

Nimue: Warning! Self-destruct has been disabled.

Vyce: You presume to exile me?! ME?!?! (fires another beam at Linkara, weakening him still further) I AM LORD VYCE, YOU IMPUDENT CHILD! (Linkara grunts, helpless against Vyce's beam) THIS IS MY SHIP! My reign shall continue as before! You are but a footnote in my glory! And when they build statues of me for my fight against the Entity, (unbeknownst to him, however, Pollo (in Tom Servo's body) appears behind him) you will be a witless fool who tried to take down–

Pollo: Excuse me.

Vyce: (sharply turning to Pollo) WHAT?!

Pollo: Surprise!

(Pollo blasts a red energy beam at Pollo, knocking him backwards. Linkara, who has gotten a nosebleed from the attack, gets up and sees Pollo)

Linkara: (overjoyed) POLLO! (hugs his robot, laughing elatedly) You transferred into the Tom Servo I had in the living room!

(Behind them, Vyce gets up and leaves the room)

Pollo: Yes, but the design is entirely different from my old one. It took me forever to speak or move anything except my head, hoping you would notice it.

Linkara: Well, I'm sorry I didn't. It's... It's great to have you back, buddy! We'll get you into a new new body soon enough.

Pollo: (seeing that Vyce is gone) Oh, and it looks like Vyce has fled.

Linkara: What?! (looks around)

Pollo: He is probably going to engineering.

Linkara: (taking his gun) I'm on it! (starts to leave)

Pollo: Wait! I will go with you.

Linkara: No! Pollo, stay here and secure the bridge. Vyce is NOT escaping this time!

(Vyce is making his way through a corridor on the ship, sparking slightly from the blow he had received from Pollo. Linkara approaches and aims his gun at him. Unfortunately, his gun doesn't work, much to his frustration. Vyce turns sharply to Linkara and is about to fire an enhanced beam at him. However, he is too damaged to attack. Linkara angrily throws his gun at a window. The gun explodes and blows open a hole in the window. Air escapes and Vyce tries to fight against it to avoid being sucked out into the vacuum of space. An alarm sounds and Linkara is knocked down from the blast)

Nimue: Warning! Hull breached! Activating emergency coordinates!

Linkara: Belay that order, Nimue!

(The alarm shuts off as Vyce still struggles against being sucked out. He succeeds in trying to fight against it and slowly approaches Linkara, who is clinging to the floor to avoid being sucked out as well. He reaches his foot out to kick Vyce)

Linkara: (in between kicks) I... HAVE HAD... ENOUGH OF YOU!!

(Finally, with one last kick, Linkara kicks the megalomaniac through the broken window and out into the vacuum of space. Linkara pants for breath)

Linkara: Nimue, you can close the bulkheads now!

(The bulkhead is shut and Linkara heaves a sigh of relief and nods. Later, he is reunited with his friends on the bridge of the ship, which is now orbiting Earth again)

Harvey: So why didn't we blow him out of the sky when he was right there?

Linkara: Normally, I'd be happy to, but whatever he did to override the self-destruct screwed up the external sensors. We couldn't get a fix on him and we're still repairing them.

Pollo: The good news is that the ship's deflector system keeps him from coming anywhere near, as he was pushed away from the ship.

Harvey: Can't he just fly back to Earth?

Dr. Insano: (giggles) I sincerely doubt that. From what we can tell, that body was heavily damaged in the hoverskirt malfunctioning. And even if he did manage to repair it, we were on the edge of the solar system. It would take him decades on the limited propulsion of that body to get back here, and that body didn't even have enough internal power to get halfway here, much less resist the gravitational pull of planets! (giggles again)

Linkara: We should still try to find him and finish the job, but in the meantime, we have other issues to address. (turns to Pollo) When this all started, I promised you a new body, and damn it, you're gonna get one.

Pollo: I'm thinking this one should have better radiation shielding.

Linkara: Consider it done.

Pollo: And be bigger.

Linkara: We'll talk about it.

Pollo: And arms that actually work.

Linkara: (getting annoyed) Have you ever tried to build arms? It's not easy.

Pollo: I'm sorry. All I did was save your life. Again.

Linkara: And just what can I do to appease you in the meantime?

(Cut back Linkara's room, with Pollo sitting on the futon, wearing Linkara's hat and coat)

Pollo: And that is why "Red Hood and the Outlaws" sucks.

Linkara: (standing off to the side, irritably massaging his forehead) Pollo, my cut-off date is one year after release! Could you really not wait until September for me to review this?!

Pollo: Stop interrupting my review, robot!

Linkara: (crossing his arms) Just because you're wearing my outfit does not make me the robot!

Pollo: You're absolutely right. Hey, what is this? I seem to have accessed your bank account remotely. What lovely money you have!

(Linkara widens his eyes angrily and gnashes his teeth. He then inhales sharply and grudgingly moves his hands stiffly like a robot)

Linkara: Beep, beep. I am a robot.

Pollo: And yet, your arms work.

(Linkara irritably moves his arms even more stiffly than before, trying very hard not to lose his temper)

Linkara: I'm so glad he's back.

(End credits roll)

Sooo, this is like the fourth "longest episode ever" for the show in, what, four months? I think I'm a bit of a windbag.

Protomatter: like regular matter, but with a delicious cream cheese filling.

(Stinger: A clip of Star Trek III is shown: Kirk is holding up a hypospray to McCoy)

McCoy: What's that?

Kirk: Lexorin.

McCoy: Lexorin? What for?

Kirk: You're suffering from a Vulcan mind-meld, Doctor.

McCoy: That green-blooded son of a bitch! It's his revenge for all those arguments he lost.

(Cut to Lord Vyce floating through the blackness of space)

Vyce: I will return... I will return...!