Linkara: Cybermat, if I give you covering fire and you distract them, then you know what to do, right?
(The Cybermat beeps and shakes around. On the bridge, Mechakara, in Pollo's new body, hovers over the controls. Linkara fires his gun at Mechakara, but it turns around, dodges the attack and fires back. Linkara fires several more times as the Cybermat comes in and hits Mechakara in the back, knocking it away. It starts away)
Linkara: After him! Don't let him escape!
(The Cybermat leaves while Linkara walks up to the controls and pushes some buttons)
Linkara: Engineering, report.
Nimue: Information: internal communications are offline, due to powerful fluctuations.
Linkara: How's our orbit?
Nimue: Decaying rapidly. We will begin entering the atmosphere in approximately thirty minutes.
Linkara: How can the imbalance be corrected?
Nimue: Manual reorganization of power would correct the imbalance.
Linkara: Except that no one would survive the radiation coming out of it. Are there any other ways of correcting the imbalance?
Nimue: Yes. All would require more time than we have.
Linkara: Keep considering possibilities. I'm gonna finish the review.
Linkara: Because I don't want to die without letting people know how the comic ends?
Nimue: Could they not just obtain the movie?
Linkara: I think if this review has taught us anything, it's that the movie and the comic are not the same thing. (looks into camera) Now, then, where were we?
Linkara (v/o): Khan, a tyrant seeking revenge on Admiral James T. Kirk, has stolen the USS Reliant. With his merry band of people in dirty rags, he has nearly crippled the Enterprise and has taken a device called "Genesis". Genesis has the power to terraform planets, potentially eradicate all life on a world, or just turn them into lands of confusion.
(Cut to a clip of the band Genesis performing "Land of Confusion")
Genesis: This is the world we live in...
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): So far, as an adaptation, it has been a complete disappointment, to say the least. I am not against adapting stories into different mediums.
Linkara (v/o): As I said in the review of the comic adaptation of Star Trek: The Motion Picture, changing it to a different medium is a great opportunity to expand on the material or just see it from a new point of view.
(Cut to a cover of the novelization of The Wrath of Khan)
Linkara (v/o): I've even heard that the novelization of Star Trek II is pretty damn good and fills in some plot holes.
(Back to the comic again, sadly)
Linkara (v/o): But this one has had art that was all over the place in quality, dialogue and lines either changed outright or moved to different locations for no reason...
(Cut to a clip of Khan's "Moby-Dick" speech)
Linkara (v/o): ...or just scenes flat-out cut from the story, weakening the effect.
Linkara: But hey, we've got one more issue to go, so maybe there is still something to this. Let's dig into (holds up comic of review for today) "Star Trek II: The Raffle Khan #3".
(Title sequence plays; title card has Genesis' "Land of Confusion" playing; cut to a shot of the comic's cover)
Linkara (v/o): This is probably the weakest of all the covers. It basically amounts to Spock's face and the Vulcan salute pressed against glass. How exciting.
(Cut to two alternative covers)
Linkara (v/o): The alternative covers aren't exactly much to speak of, either: a cast and a drawing from the stomach up with the Reliant and a bunch of pink squares behind him. At this point, I think the creators just gave up on the thing.
(The comic proper begins)
Linkara (v/o): We open over Regula I, where the away team has just beamed back to the ship, and Kirk arrives on the bridge.
Kirk: Battle stations. There isn't time to explain. Suffice to say, Khan–a madman–has the Genesis device and is trying to kill us.
Linkara:(as a crew member) Uh, Captain, we've been here the whole time. Why are you summarizing things we already know?
Linkara (v/o): I love how he feels the need to point out that Khan is a madman.
(A montage of clips of Khan in the movie is shown)
Khan: I'll chase him round the moons of Nibia...
(Cut to Khan and Joachim on the Reliant after being attacked)
Joachim: We must withdraw.
Khan: No! No!
Joachim: Sir, we must!
(Cut back to Khan's "Moby-Dick" speech)
Khan: ...and round the Antares Maelstrom...
(Cut to Khan's other big speech to Kirk)
Khan:(whispering) Buried alive. Buried alive...
(Cut back one more time to Khan's "Moby-Dick" speech)
Khan: ...and round Perdition's flames before I give him up!
(Back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): Nah, really? Oh, and in case you're wondering, no, that dialogue was not in the movie. Also, Saavik's missing her rank insignia.
(Editor's note: "Correction: Starfleet Badge; not rank insignia")
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, the ship is still no match for Reliant in their current state. However, there's a nearby nebula that will disable shields and scramble targeting sensors. As such, if they go in, "the odds will be even."
(Cut to a similar scene in the movie)
Linkara (v/o): In the movie, when the ship approached the Mutara nebula, we got a sense of scale of the ship's operations, that all those little anonymous crew members don't just wait around to be killed on away missions, that they actually do things on the ship and prepare it for battle. It was a really damn good montage.
(Cut back to the matching scene in the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Here, it's two panels: one showing a bunch of crew members in the hallway, and another featuring a torpedo. I'd call it padding, but those two panels couldn't pad a glove, much less this comic. Khan spots the retreating Enterprise.
Khan:There she is. Not so wounded as we were led to believe, is she? So much the better. Follow her.
Linkara:(as Khan) She's breaking the speed limit! We'll give them a ticket! I'M SUCH A MADMAN!
Linkara (v/o): However, as they get in closer to the nebula, they start to slow. Joachim – and yes, I'm sorry I mispronounced it last time; my mistake – realizes that they'd lose their advantage if they followed them in and starts slowing them down. Kirk decides to get Khan to follow them using his own diplomatic style: hailing them and telling them that he's on board.
Kirk: We tried it once your way, Khan. Are you game for a rematch? Khan... I'm laughing at the superior intellect.
Linkara (v/o): Khan takes the insult well.
(Cut to a scene in the movie)
Khan: Full impulse power.
Joachim: No, sir! You have Genesis; you can have whatever you–
Khan:(grabbing him hard) FULL POWER!! DAMN YOU! (shoves Joachim away and walks up to controls)
(Back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Oh, I'm sorry, I once again meant, in the movie he takes it well. In the comic, he yells that while looking like he's going to start crying.
Linkara:(as Khan, about to crying) Full power, damn you! (sobs, then holds up a teddy bear) You're the only one who understands me, Teddy Khan.