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Spy Kids
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Release Date
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May 7, 2025
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Running Time
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20:06
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Previous Review
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Video
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(After the intro, we fade in on the Critic.)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Many of us are aware of the influence Robert Rodriguez has had on a generation of filmmakers.
(Clips from Rodriguez's films are shown, including Desperado, Machete, Sin City, Alita: Battle Angel, and From Dusk 'Til Dawn.)
NC (vo): He's proof you don't always need money to make a film successful. Through clever planning, good humor, and stylistic choices, he could go from making a film for literally just $7,000 to a film costing $170 million, and both feel genuine and authentic to who he is as a filmmaker. His combination of gritty violence, comedic camp, and a fresh take on classic ideas have cemented him as one of the most ambitious and creative directors of the past few decades.
NC: And then he started doing kids' shit.
(A montage of Rodriguez's kids films are shown, including Sharkboy and Lavagirl, Shorts: The Adventures of the Wishing Rock, We Can Be Heroes, Spy Kids 3D, and Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams.)
NC (vo): Yeah, we've talked about these before; for a while, he just wanted to do kids' films, many of them inspired by his own kids. Whenever his next film was announced, you always crossed your fingers, hoping it starts someone with a limb cut off than "D'oh, it stars an 8-year-old in CG Candyland!" I guess you have to admire making children's entertainment at a time when maybe only animated films were doing that, but these were kids' films that felt like they were made by kids. Which, again, can be kinda neat, but it can also be...
(a scene from Spy Kids 2 is shown)
Computer: Now picking your nose.
NC (vo): ...pretty annoying.
NC: And this fad of annoyance all started with his first children's film...
(shows a poster for Spy Kids)
NC (vo): ...Spy Kids?
NC: Oh, right, that was his first.
(Critic is flanked by images of Alita from Alita: Battle Angel and Marv from Sin City, staring him down)
NC: I think I might actually like this one--?
(NC screams as Alita and Marv close in to beat him up; The title is shown. And then, a montage clips of the film is shown)
NC (vo): Spy Kids was a surprise hit in 2001, earning $112 million in the U.S. alone against a mere $35 million. While critics were surprised to find themselves enjoying the film, I guess the movie's gained (shows the Rotten Tomatoes score) a bit of a negative reputation over the years. And I'd be lying if I say I couldn't see where that was coming from. The film is far from perfect; it has a lot of desperate, immature jokes Rodriguez's kids' films would be known for later, but I'm sorry, this movie is out there in some of the best ways. One of my favorite things is taking clips out of context and showing it to people who haven't seen the film. They're either blown away by the surreal imagery, or laughing hard at the creative jokes. And then when I reveal what it is, they always say, "Spy Kids? That toddler James Bond bullshit? You're kiddng." But I still stand by, for all its faults, there is a lot of stuff that not only works, but is also uniquely its own. Let's face it: this movie could've coasted by just being Mission: Impossible for kids, not really putting that much ingenuity or imagination into it, and it still probably would've made money. But it does have the stamp of someone that really wanted to create something bizarre and weirdly ambitious for such a stock idea. So, have I lost my mind, or is this one of Rodriguez's kids' films that maybe got a little too much of a bum rap over the years? Well, let's open that top-secret envelope to find out.
NC: This is... not a reason to have me committed, I swear: Spy Kids.
(Gregorio and Ingrid's backstory is shown)
NC (vo): The film opens, honestly, how you would expect a film like this to open: with the spy parents of the leads, named Giorgio* and Ingrid, played by Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino, meeting on a mission to assassinate the other, and falling in love.
* = The father's name is Gregorio, not Giorgio.
Ingrid: (narrating) You have to understand, these were dark and confusing times, and there was an enormous amount of turmoil between countries.
NC: (sarcastic) VERY different from now!
NC (vo): Both these actors get across a lot without having to say anything. Even if there was no narration, Antonio's expression of "Ehhh?" would still get a laugh out of me.
NC: In fact, most of this intro is pretty hilarious.
NC (vo): As the couple grows closer and closer, despite having to keep themselves further and further apart.
Ingrid: (narrating) They would embark on the most dangerous mission of all time... they decided to marry.
NC (vo): They decide to get married, but a hit is put out on the both of them. Thankfully, the wedding is also made up of spies and assassins, so even as they run for their lives, the ceremony continues.
(Gregorio and Ingrid parachute to a speedboat below, while the preacher stands atop a cliff, reciting from his book)
NC: This feels like a love story (shows an image of...) Perry the Platypus would have!
NC (vo): It turns out the kids of the spies, named Carmen and Juni - played by Alexa PenaVega and Daryl Sabara - are the ones being told this bedtime story, as it looks like our parental spies have retired.
Gregorio: How many nights, I wonder, do you send the children off to bed with nightmares? That life is over now.
NC (vo): (as Gregorio) I'm afraid it will lead to stupid childish sequels; remember when I told some of stories of my past marriage? (shows images from The Legend of Zorro)
(Carmen and Juni are shown playing on the jungle gym the next morning )
Juni: Why do we have to do this every morning?
Carmen: You gonna hang there all day... scaredy-cat?
NC: Yeah, probably the weakest part of Spy Kids is the spy kids themselves.
NC (vo): It's hard to say they're bad actors, but it's hard to say they're good, either.
(examples of the kids' stilted acting is shown)
Carmen: Don't start pointing fingers at me! I didn't do anything stupid, stupid!
Juni: I wish I could go away to your world, Floop.
NC (vo): A lot of your enjoyment may stem from how much slack you wanna cut them as child actors, and honestly, I do cut them a bit as the whole film has a campy feel to it that, yes, sometimes is distracting...
(Carmen kicks Juni off the monkey bars, and he bounces off the catching net below, while she lands gracefully)
NC: Absolutely no book on gravity could explain those movements.
NC (vo): ...but other times, it matches perfectly, like the show they watch on the way to school, called "Floop's Fooglies"... which kinda sounds like a replacement swear word (the text below reads "Fuglies"), and yeah, visually looks like a replacement swear word, too.
(The show's host, Floop, introduces a new character)
Floop: Donnabyte!
(Gregorio holds up a picture of an agent named Donnagan, and looks at the character on the screen)
NC: People at the time didn't recognize...
(shows an image of...)
NC (vo): ...Cameron Diaz in Being John Malkovich.
NC: (shows the images side-by-side) How the hell did he recognize an agent through all that?!
(We cut to black and return to the film)
NC (vo): Gregorio is concerned some of his past spy buddies are going missing, but it'll have to wait as his son is being picked on.
(Gregorio sees a kid picking on Juni)
Bully: When I'm talking to you, you listen.
(Gregorio gets out of his car just as Juni walks away from the bully)
Bully: Nice dolls. Here, let me see the dolls...
NC: (puzzled) That was a strange back-and-forth. Almost like the film was...
NC (vo): ...trying to hatch (shows an image of...) a Linus, and then said, "Nope. That kind of crazy deserves an entire movie."
Bully's dad: Have a good day, son; show 'em whose boss!
NC (vo): Speaking of which, for a second, you think this movie did lose its mind when Gregorio launches the bully's parent through a window. But quickly, it's revealed to be a fantasy.
Bully's dad: Can I help you with something, chief?
Bully: (to Juni) My dad was gonna beat up your dad.
NC: Alright, there's a little Linus there. (shows another image from Sharkboy and Lavagirl)
(Floop's castle is shown)
NC (vo): Meanwhile, in... Wicked, we see children's show entertainer Fegan Floop, played by Alan Cumming, who's turning people into monstrous weapons for an evil organization. I had a similar theory about Mister Rogers. (shows an image of Fred Rogers' head photoshopped onto Cobra Commander)
(A group of henchmen made of thumbs walk into the room)
Lisp: Devil are these, uh, fingermen?
NC (vo): One of my favorite things in describing this movie to someone is when I say the henchmen are comprised entirely of thumbs. Without fail, 100 percent of the time, people who have not seen this movie always repeat back, "Thumbs?" (shows posters for Joker: Folie à Deux, live-action Snow White, and Captain America: Brave New World) In a time where films feel very standard and underwhelming, the movie that guarantees such a confused response has to merit some value.
(A boy runs towards Floop's benefactor Mr. Lisp)
Lisp: (confused) Johnny?
NC (vo): The head of the evil organization, Mr. Lisp, played by Robert Patrick, is shown their latest evil invention: androids that look like the kids of powerful leaders.
Floop: Cunning and intelligence of the world's greatest espionage agents that I call... Spy Kids!
NC: So this franchise is based on evil mindless clones? (shows posters for the 2nd and 3rd films) Yeah, I guess that one kinda writes itself.
Lisp: Tell me, Spy Kids...
(The kids try to speak, but their speech is garbled. Floop covers both of the kids' mouths)
Floop: They're not quite finished.
NC: Oh, I don't know, I think that's the sound most kids make when watching (shows a poster for...) the Minecraft movie.
(Back at home, Gregorio and Ingrid are preparing to leave home)
NC (vo): Gregorio decides to go back to the good old spy days to help find the missing agents, and naturally, Ingrid wants to go too. So they call Uncle Felix, played by Cheech Marin, to look after the kids.
(The parents hold hands as they drive off a cliff into the ocean. This is instantly followed a tombstone with the inscription "TWO DUMB SPIES. Thought their car was a sub. Idiots", before showing their car is, in fact, a sub)
NC (vo): No, they use their spy tech to begin their mission, but they're quickly intercepted by Floop. (shows a box of cereal called Floops) A villain so evil, he doesn't even take advantage of an obvious brand name; "Floop Loops" was right there!
(The television flashes "RED ALERT", waking up Felix)
NC (vo): Felix is literally alerted to something going wrong, and quickly has to level with the kids.
Carmen: Uncle Felix!
(Felix peels his moustache off, revealing it to be a fake)
Felix: I'm not your uncle.
NC: (as kid) (gasps) You're like five Disney characters!
(shows images of Banzai from The Lion King, the corrections officer from Coco, Tito from Oliver & Company, Ramone from Cars, and Quita Moz from Elena of Avalor (all of whom Marin voiced))
NC: (normal) I don't know what kids these days would know him from. Wait...
(shows image of unmoustached Felix and the film's poster)
NC: (as kid) (gasps) You're that guy from Spy Kids!
(Felix shows them a secret closet and the kids escape in a submarine)
NC (vo): He fills them in on their parents being spies, and tells them to use their gadgets to get them to a safehouse, as the home is under attack.
Juni: (to Carmen) We're never gonna see them again, are we?
NC: Kid, it's a Rodriguez movie; feel lucky you got to see them in person even once.
NC (vo): And sure, I'll admit it, sometimes it does feel like Rodriguez is saying, "Yeah, I'm just making a dumb kids movie".
(Juni gets up from the mini-toilet)
Computer: Now flushing your poop.
NC: (as computer) Now rolling my eyes.
(The kids arrive at the safehouse)
NC (vo): They make it to the safehouse, where there's all sorts of inventions to keep them safe.
(Juni comes across a jet pack)
Juni: (reading the label) Machete's BuddyPack?
NC: ...I guess he's been in weirder. (shows a clip from Machete Kills, where Machete rides a rocket)
(Gregorio and Ingrid are shown escaping their cell)
NC (vo): The parents break free, as Floop's lair seems to be more "Funhouse from Hell".
(They find a door with signs saying "Virtual Room")
Ingrid: Virtual Room?
NC: Again, I just assume that's what most of Rodriguez's sets are called.
NC (vo): The Virtual Room is exactly as it sounds, though, as it tricks our heroes into falling into Floop's clutches again. After, I have to admit, a pretty damn clever line...
Floop: I snap my fingers...
(He does so, and the Thumb-Thumbs approach the table)
Floop: ...and my fingers snap you.
NC: I think these creatures were made just for that joke.
(Floop directs Gregorio to a screen showing Felix being turned into a Fooglie)
NC (vo): ...he demands Gregorio to finish his development of the androids, or he'll turn everyone he loves into vagina cats.
NC: (showing an image of Nien Nunb from Return of the Jedi) Or maybe that pancake-faced guy from Star Wars, one of the two.
(At the safehouse, an agent named Mrs. Gradenko arrives at the door)
Gradenko: Hi, I'm Miss Gradenko; we work for your parents.
Carmen: (skeptical) "We"?
NC (vo): Meanwhile, the kids are approached by a supposed friend named Miss Gradenko, played by Teri Hatcher. She reveals the vanished spies are indeed prisoners on Floop's show.
Gradenko: You know that tuneless song the characters sing? Play it backwards...
(She does so, revealing the real audio)
Agents: Floop is a madman, help us, save us! Floop is a madman, help us, save us!
NC: (smiling) No notes: that is so goddamn funny.
Juni: (aiming a weapon at Gradenko and her men) Carmen! She's working for Floop!
NC (vo): It turns out she's a baddy as well, as she tries stealing a device called the Third Brain. And I do love it when an action setup is both impressive and pathetic at the same time.
(Carmen jumps over a ceiling fan; a henchman reaches up to grab her, but the fan blades whack his hands)
NC: (as henchman) Cursed Ikea luxuries!
NC (vo): The kids use jet packs to try to escape.
(A jetpack slams into Gradenko, knocking her to the ground; the boosters launch fire towards her face)
NC: (excited) Now that's the Rodriguez we love!
(Gradenko is standing upright, scowling; her hair is on fire, and nearby henchmen try to put out the flames with a hose)
NC: (disappointed) That's the kids' shit we hate.
Juni: (fleeing the scene) Bad hair day!
NC: That's... just dumb.
(The jetpack chase is shown)
NC (vo): We get a chase scene that's, again, cheap as hell, but, like I said, is part of the fun. It's campy, but even in its campiness, you can tell there's effort and creativity put into it. The same way (shows an image from...) Charlie Brown Christmas is like an awkwardly charming Christmas paegant, the same way this is like a spy chase a bunch of 10-year-olds worked on. And yes, that's gonna be the last connection to A Charlie Brown Christmas, I already feel dirty comparing them.
(A car hits a clothing rack being powered by a jet pack. The henchmen watch the jetpack fizzle out before flying off)
NC (vo): They manage to escape, and--
(We immediately cut to a finger puppet with a smiley-face)
Floop: (singing) It's a cruel, cruel world, all you little boys and girls--
NC: (slow-blinking in shock) I'm clearly too sober for this; I'm gonna be back in a few shots.
(He gets up from his seat, and we cut to a commercial break. When we return, Critic has a bottle of Jim Beam)
NC: Okay, nicely buzzed. Continue.
(Floop is dancing on a lopsided top, while his Fooglies float on planets circling around him)
Floop: (singing) If you dream... my dream!
NC: Nope, not buzzed enough. (starts drinking from the bottle)
NC (vo): So yeah, this is one of the scenes I randomly show people, and they always say, "No way this is Spy Kids; this is a Pee-Wee's Playhouse reboot done by Rob Zombie!" They even got Danny Elfman just to compose this mere 45 seconds* to make it sound extra odd, hence why it sounds like his two stop-motion skeletons banging each other. (shows images of Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas and Bonejangles from Corpse Bride)
* = actually, Elfman is one of SEVEN composers who worked on this film, and he wrote a lot more for this film than just this song.
Fooglies: It's a cruel, cruel world full of nasty boys and girls...
Floop: (singing) Selfish, mean nasty people ,nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty!
NC: I'm sorry, any movie that has this in it isn't just some "meh" kids' spy film; this weirdness stands out!
(The weirdness displayed on screen is revealed to be a greenscreen)
NC (vo): It turns out this is a rehearsal for Floop's show, as he asks his minion named... "Minion", played by Tony Shaloub, what's missing.
Floop: What does it need, Minion?
Minion: (confused) I don't--
Floop: My show! It needs something!
NC: (deadpan) Rehab. It needs rehab.
NC (vo): Minion reveals he made android versions of Juni and Carmen to go find them, as we get--
(We suddenly get menacing action-style shots of a playground)
NC: ...shots way too excited to be at a playground.
(The robot doppelgangers confront the real Carmen and Juni)
NC (vo): The robot kids try to capture the real kids, as we get an inventive fight scene on a merry-go-round.
(Juni clings onto the merry-go-round for dear life as Robot Carmen jumps on)
NC: Fun fact: this is how dangerous modern parents think an old-school merry-go-round is.
(The robot clones escape, and the real kids go to Machete's Spy Shop)
NC (vo): They [the robot children] grab the Third Brain and take off, and as you may have put together, Machete is indeed the name of a Danny Trejo character. He's the one who made all their spy gadgets, and is indeed their actual uncle.
Machete: You think I want to babysit my brother the rest of my life? "Watch out for Gregorio, take care of Gregorio, make sure Gregorio knows right from wrong."
NC: (as Machete) I can't even get a space sequel off the ground, and everybody gets a space sequel! (shows a poster for "Machete Kills... in Space!", followed by a poster for To Boldly Flee)
NC (vo): He and his brother had a falling-out years ago, so he refuses to help. The kids take matters into their own hands, though, by stealing his plane.
(Machete watches from a rooftop as his plane takes off)
Juni: Goodbye, Uncle Machete!
Carmen: Thanks for the plane!
NC: (as the kids) We'll bring it back when we're done fighting (shows an image of...) that alien thing from MarioLand!
(At Floop's castle, Minion is leading a hostile takeover)
Minion: And you, Floop, have served your purpose.
NC (vo): Meanwhile, it looks like Minion is sick of working on Floop's kids' show, and wants to spend more time taking over the world. To be fair, it was a weird mesh, and I can only think of (shows the Disney logo) one other business that attempted that.
(The kids eject from the plane and land in the ocean)
NC (vo): The kids get to Floop's hideout, and it's been two seconds, how about another bodily function joke?
Carmen: The water's warmer in here.
Juni: Oh, I just peed.
NC: ...why do I like this again?!
(The robot kids are lined up on a conveyor belt, and a machine is inserting brains into their heads)
NC: Oh, yeah, weird shit like that.
NC (vo): Anytime the movie gets too dumb, something just so crazy will happen, I gotta shrug and say, "Okay, I'm glad something that odd lives in my head now."
(Juni is shown talking to a Fooglie)
Juni: Where's my mom and dad?
(The Fooglie talks, and Juni's technology reverses its voice to normal speed)
Donnagan: They're in the dungeon, hurry.
NC (vo): I'll give credit, too, sometimes you think, "Is the film really gonna be so stupid to have a scene where the Spy Kids sneak in with the androids even though they're wearing entirely different clothes?"
(The robots turn to face the real kids; their eyes glow blue with electricity)
NC: Nope.
(The robots chase the real kids)
NC (vo): Other times, I'll admit, I do ask, "Is that intentionally dumb or not?"
(Juni opens the door to the virtual room, with the signs pointing to it clearly reading "VIRTUAL ROOM")
Juni: I hope this leads to the dungeon.
(We zoom in on the signs flanking the door)
NC (vo): I don't... think... it does.
(Inside the virtual room, Floop appears in front of Juni)
NC (vo): Juni meets up with Floop in the Virtual Room, as we discover Minion's real name...
Gregorio: (tied to an operating table) Alexander Minion.
NC: (shows an image of the Rotten Tomatoes rating) I'm sorry, 47% score, but that is funny!
NC (vo): ...and he turns their dad into a literal kid's drawing.
(Gregorio is shown to be transformed into a Fooglie based on Juni's drawing)
Juni: It's dad.
NC: Looking similar to how he looks today--
(A picture of Antonio Banderas in the present day is shown)
NC (vo): No, that joke doesn't work..
NC: ...he still looks amazing; must be on that new diet. (shows an image of "SlimFast Unicorn Blood")
NC (vo): Teri Hatcher, on the other hand...
(Gradenko appears, with most of her hair burnt off)
Gradenko: It's good to be back, Alex.
NC: ...actually also looks pretty similar. (shows an image of present-day Teri Hatcher)
(We cut to black, and return to Floop and Juni escaping the Virtual Room)
NC (vo): Floop joins our heroes and gets their dad to normal, all while luring Minion back to his lab.
NC: And so help me, I don't know why, this line delivery from Shaloub makes me laugh.
(Minion is confronted by Gregorio and Ingrid)
Minion: Some sort of truce in exchange for your daughter?
(Carmen pops up)
Carmen: Spoken for.
Minion: There you are. Didn't see you. Didn't see her.
(Gregorio grabs Minion by the shirt and throws him onto the table)
NC: I'll just chuck that up to "I dunno, he's just good". (puts a coin in a bucket with that exact same text)
NC (vo): They put him in the same machine that messed up his appearance, but it turns out, he kinda digs it.
(Minion, now having three extra heads, approaches Lisp)
Minion: (with a high-pitched voice) Oh, don't worry. I think it's reversible.
(Minion then smiles, causing all the other heads to smile as well)
NC: I am a 43-year-old man, and I have no problems saying, "Spy Kids is gonna give me nightmares".
(Gregorio and Ingrid are tied to a platform that raises into the ceiling)
NC (vo): It looks like the parents are captured again - yeah, how good of spies were these two? - as the kids try to see if they can stop the robots.
Juni: Can you shut them down from here?
(Floop pushes a button and all the computer screens say "TOO LATE")
Floop: It's too late.
NC: (snickers) I'm sorry, if we collectively have permission to like (shows a poster for Kung Pow! Enter the Fist) this type of dumb humor, I think we should collectively have permission to like this type of dumb humor too!
NC (vo): The kids face off against themselves, and they have a little battle.
Juni: Careful, they're stronger and smarter now.
NC: And can probably say their lines more coherently.
NC (vo): With that said, give this girl credit, I really did think they earned their PG rating for a second.
(After the robot kids prove they're not intimidated, Carmen and Juni slowly start backing down)
Carmen: Oh, shiiiiiiiiiiitake mushrooms.
NC: Let's make it an actual PG, though.
(The scene is replayed, with the last part of her sentence cut off)
Carmen: Oh, shiiiiiiiiit.
NC: God, that's funnier.
(Juni spits electric gum onto the Carmen clone, electrocuting her)
NC (vo): He [Juni] uses one of the gadgets to defeat them, but the army of robots approaches to finish them off. Thankfully, Machete returns to rip some heads off-- I mean hug.
(The family embraces as the robot kids run towards them)
NC: (annoyed) Stupid PG!
(The kids are actually running towards the villains)
NC (vo): Floop reprograms them, though, to go after the villains, Machete... cries...
(Machete breaks down while hugging Gregorio)
Gregorio: It's okay. There you go. There you go. He's fine, he's going to be fine.
NC: You're still writing a positive review, but you are pushing it, Spy Kids!
NC (vo): ...and Floop, I guess, hammers in the message.
Floop: You won today, Juni. And not because you were the biggest or the strongest, but because you were pure of heart, and of mind.
NC: How did that happen? Who cares? The movie doesn't.
NC (vo): Let's just jump to the millionth cameo.
(The president of the United States, played by George Clooney, appears on the television screen to talk to the family)
President: An emergency assignment has come up.
Ingrid: Sorry, Devlin, we haven't talked about this as a family yet.
President: I wasn't talking to you. No, this assignment is for Carmen and Juni.
NC: Yeah, I wouldn't do that; if you've seen (shows poster for...) Tomorrowland, you know he has a weird history with kids.
NC (vo): So it ends on the family--
NC: Wait, nobody has seen Tomorrowland? Go see Tomorrowland to make that joke work-- nah, it's not worth it.
NC (vo): So it ends on the family joining forces to fight evil, and the movie ends.
(Carmen pushes a button near the camera and we cut to black)
NC: So that was Spy Kids; yes, I have to acknowledge the problems, but... I also have to acknowledge the fun insanity.
(a montage of the film is shown)
NC (vo): Yes, there's a lot of moments that are awkward or cringey or don't quite work, but the energy is high, most of the comedy decent, and like I said, the creativity is really going for broke. I don't know why this is the project Rodriguez decided to pour all his Tim Burton into, but it is imaginative and enjoyable to take in. I guess I can't be surprised if somebody doesn't get into it, as there is a lot of stilted acting, choppy editing, and juvenile jokes that don't land, but for the bar I think many of us had going into this movie, it did turn out to have more effort than expected. I'm not pretending this is a great comedy or anything, but it weirdly has the right amount of "What the hell am I watching?" to keep it entertaining.
NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
(We cut to black)
Channel Awesome tagline: Juni: I just peed.