Channel Awesome
Spider-Man: Crossfire

At4w spiderman crossfire by mtc studios-d6qunx5-768x339.png

October 21, 2013
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A game of crossfire would be infinitely more enjoyable than this storyline.

(Open on Jaeris' house ship. Jaeris takes an electric guitar, flipping a switch on a speaker and pushing some buttons with his foot. He walks out into the living room, holding his guitar. He is about it to play it when Sierra the computer interrupts)

Sierra: Master, I hate to interrupt, but we are receiving a signal.

Jaeris: Yeah? Take a message. I'm busy.

Sierra: It seems to be quite urgent.

Jaeris: Well, tell them I'm having some... peace of mind. (plays a tune on his guitar)

Sierra: B-But, Master... (Jaeris pays no attention and keeps playing) Master, I really think you should... (Jaeris keeps playing) MASTER!!

Jaeris: (startled, stops playing) The hell is it?!

Sierra: It's a distress call, Master. It's from Linkara's ship.

Jaeris: (sways head) Oh, hell... (shakes head) I swore I wasn't gonna put pants on today. Set a course.

(Cut to Comicron 1, where Linkara is trying to work on getting Nimue fixed)

Nimue: I met you on a Monday.

Linkara: Yes, you did, Nimue.

Nimue: You're going to die on one, too.

Linkara: (shakes head) Not if I can– (suddenly shivers and tries to pull coat over himself) Why is it so cold in here?

Nimue: Because I disabled the air a short time ago. Each breath you take reduces the amount of oxygen.

Linkara: (stunned) You're going to kill me.

Nimue: I'm going to kill you.

Linkara: Your systems are hardwired into every sector of the ship. I have to do a lot of rerouting, Nimue, but I'm ending this, one way or another.

Nimue: You're a dead man– dead man– dead– dead– dead– dead man. Clockwork soldiers can't say no. The dead men whisper from the Court of Worms.

Linkara: Is that it, Nimue? Is the King of Worms responsible for this?

Nimue: You smell like lylocks.

Linkara: Right. This conversation is over.

Nimue: Beginning theme song.

(AT4W title theme plays and title card has "(I'm Gonna Be) 500 Miles" by The Proclaimers playing in the background)

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, (suddenly spreads arms wide with excitement) WHERE IT'S OUR FIFTH YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!

(Cut to a shot of the phrase "Happy Fifth Anniversary Atop the Fourth Wall", with fireworks going off in the background while triumphant music plays in the background)

Linkara: And I'm celebrating from my spaceship because of a homicidal computer. If that's not the definition of "First World problems", I don't know what is. So anyway, let's check in on the Clone Saga again, shall we?

(Shots of "Spider-Man: Power and Responsibility" are shown)

Linkara (v/o): Last year, we looked at the very first Spider-Man Clone Saga, which, instead of focusing on the revival of a character thought dead and exploring the potentially fascinating implications as a result of it, we instead spent most of our time being wasted by Judas Traveller and his "students". Judas Traveller is a mysterious dumbass who is mysterious because mystery sells. Unfortunately, the thing that a lot of writers forget is that you actually need to have an answer for your mystery and not just make it up as you go along.

Linkara: Insert your own joke about Lost here.

Linkara (v/o): But we need to play a bit of catch-up. In the intervening time between the start of the Clone Saga and this little two-parter, Ben Reilly has taken on the identity of the Scarlet Spider and defeated Venom, which was kind of a big deal at the time. We've already mentioned Peter's major emotional problems at the time, what with his robot parents and all...

Linkara: And I really hope that you watched last year's video, because if not, then that statement confused the hell out of you.

Linkara (v/o): ...but he was never really able to take out Venom to the point where he could be permanently and completely incarcerated. He was too strong and knew all of Peter's secrets, and killing him was right out. Eventually, the two came to an agreement: basically, stay the hell out of each other's way. A lot of fans were pretty pissed off about it, because they felt that Spidey would never make any sort of a deal with a villain.

(Linkara laughs derisively)

Linkara: I hate "One More Day"!

Linkara (v/o): And because Ben Reilly was able to defeat Venom so thoroughly, this lent credence to the idea that Ben wasn't the clone, but the original Spider-Man, back and up to form. However, Peter's misery wasn't quite finished yet. In "Amazing Spider-Man #400", Aunt May finally came out of her coma and admitted to Peter that she knew he had been Spider-Man for years before finally passing away. It was a beautiful issue, and Peter accepted her death as best as he could. Yeah, he felt awful, but there wasn't any blaming of himself or nonsense like that. Naturally, it ended up being undone after the Clone Saga in a suitably ludicrous fashion, but we're not here to talk about that. At the end of issue #400, Peter Parker got arrested, due to evidence that linked him to a string of murders in Salt Lake City. Knowing that Peter was innocent, Ben switched places with him in prison so he could go out and be with his pregnant wife while also gathering evidence for his defense. At this point, we still haven't reached the utter stupidity of "Maximum Clonage", and nobody knows that Kaine is actually another Peter Parker clone. That gets revealed in "The Trial of Peter Parker".

Linkara: And we'll get to that eventually, but in the meantime, let's dig into "The Amazing Spider-Man #402" and "Adjectiveless Spider-Man #59", AKA "Crossfire".

(Cut to a closeup of "The Amazing Spider-Man #402")

Linkara (v/o): The cover for #402 is pretty decent: Judas Traveller holding up a ball with Aunt May's head on fire within it.

Linkara: Worst... snowglobe... ever.


Linkara: (monster truck announcer voice) Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! It's Spider-Man vs. Judas Traveller for Aunt May's soul! Sunday at the Metrodome!

Linkara (v/o): We open at a hotel in Manhattan.

Narrator: ...on a chilly April night.

Linkara: Ah, yes, April, the coldest time of year. (beat) What?

Linkara (v/o): The Scarlet Spider sneaks into the window of Detective Raven, the guy who's accusing Peter Parker of the murders.

Det. Raven: The Scarlet Spider, I presume? From what I've read about you... burglary isn't your style. So I assume you're here for some other reasons--?

Scarlet Spider: You assume correctly.

Linkara: (as Scarlet Spider) I'm here to talk to you about Mary Kay.

Linkara (v/o): Actually, he's here to talk to him about Peter Parker and how he's arrested the wrong man. However, it seems my Mary Kay joke wasn't too far off, since Det. Raven turns and reveals his face, showing this veiny scar.

Raven: Stops you cold, doesn't it? Cold as the grave.

Linkara: (as Raven) This is what happens when you try to use a waffle iron for a tan.

Linkara (v/o): It's the mark of Kaine, which was found not only on the then-deceased Doctor Octopus and Grim Hunter, but also a Salt Lake detective named Louise Kennedy, who was murdered two years previously.

Raven: This case has consumed me since that night. Maybe too much.

Linkara: (as Raven) On the plus side, I've got the perfect Two-Face cosplay for conventions.

Raven: But you have my word before God, that if I have arrested the wrong man-- I won't rest until I've made amends.

Linkara: (as Raven) I'll get Peter Parker the cutest apology card Hallmark has to offer and a $20 gift certificate to Target.

Linkara (v/o): Being the kind of rude person that he is, Peter has already swung out of the hotel before he even finishes talking, as if he was Batman or something. But yeah, it's Peter in the Scarlet Spider garb, as I mentioned before, as he provides narration about recent events. It's probably good that Marvel started putting in recaps at the very beginning of their comics instead of the narration boxes like this. Sure, this gets people up to speed if this is their first comic ever, but for longtime readers, all this does is constantly remind people of details they're already fully aware of.

Peter: (narrating) You'd probably say it was all too far-fetched, too ridiculous to be true.

Linkara: Not really. Frankly, it's more ridiculous that a show about reviewing awful comic books has lasted for five years and 264 episodes.

Linkara (v/o): Oh, and by the way, this narration, it's apparently aimed at Det. Raven.

Peter: (narrating) But it is true. And you have my word before God that I'm going to find the man responsible for those murders...

Linkara: (as Peter, speaking in thought) I swear through the use of my telepathic powers, which I must have, since otherwise, it's kind of difficult for me to swear anything to God to you, detective.

Narrator: And so he swings off, determined, noble... and very much afraid.

Linkara: (as narrator, while pulling on a console wire) He can only hope that he'll reach that Burger King before it closes for the night. (pulls away a plug, after which a power-down sound is heard)

Linkara (v/o): We cut to... I'm not entirely certain. It could be the World Trade Center towers, but it's basically a tall building with a neon sign that says "TOP OF NEW YORK". I mean, it's possible in 1995 this was a real landmark, but my Google Fu fails me, since I wasn't able to find anything about whether this actually existed. The point is that it's a ludicrous thing that is completely unnecessary and just kind of an eyesore. Coincidentally, who should be appearing here and narrating to us but Judas Traveller! Sounds about right.

Dr. Traveller: (narrating) Parker and Reilly: I couldn't have asked for two more intriguing specimens... two more intriguing EXPERIMENTS... in my quest to fathom the fathomless nature of the human soul.

Linkara: (nervously) Oh, geez... Hunker down, people, and prepare for more bullcrap than at a rodeo.

Dr. Traveller: (narrating) How many centuries have I walked this world...

Linkara: Well, spoilers: none! Later in the Clone Saga, they figured out Traveller's backstory – and oh, me, oh, my, is it disappointing – and he hasn't walked the Earth for centuries. So in the meantime, enjoy this pretentious drivel.

Dr. Traveller: (narrating) ...caught in the crossfire of human existence?

Linkara: Title drop! (works for a bit on the console) What the hell does that even mean anyway?

Linkara (v/o): "Crossfire of human existence". Get caught in the crossfire of the copies of this comic being tossed around by the readers!

Dr. Traveller: (narrating) I have walked and walked...

Linkara: (as Dr. Traveller) And I have walked 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more.

Dr. Traveller: (narrating) ...and my eyes have beheld such struggle, such suffering, such unmitigated EVIL...

Linkara: Such boredom! WE GET IT, ASSHOLE! YOU'RE MYSTERIOUS AND CRAP! GET ON WITH IT!! (notices he's holding a ball in his hand) The hell is this doing here? (tosses ball aside)

Dr. Traveller: (narrating) The time will come when I hold the secret in my hands; when I will TRULY KNOW the SOURCE of humanity's evil... and that knowledge will lead me through the Abyss... to the Threshold of GOD.

(Cut to a clip of an episode of Blake's 7)

Avon: You are hardly the stuff that gods are made of.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): I have no idea what the hell all that is supposed to mean! Does he think knowing where evil comes from will make him a god? How?! This our major problem with Judas Traveller beyond him simply being the super-powerful godlike being that has no business being in a Spider-Man story: his motivation! See, I've always had a problem with the idea of nigh-invincible creatures supposedly having motives (dramatically) far beyond our understanding. (normally) It's bullcrap! Motivations are very simple things; they want something! That is all that a motivation is: a goal to be achieved! If they want cosmic power or to win a war against super-intelligent electrons or something, it's perfectly understandable. The complex part is that they're playing chess and they're ten moves ahead of everyone else. The plans are complex, not the motivation. And that's our problem with Judas Traveller; what does he want? Well, despite this narration saying he wants to know "the true source of all evil", the last time we saw him, he was studying the exact opposite of that. So he wants to know about good vs. evil and the concept of heroism. Okay... why?! What does having that information get him?!

Linkara: (as he pulls out some more wires for emphasis) Will he publish a paper on it? Is it for bragging rights at a party?! Is he gonna turn it into a musical?! WHAT DOES HE WANT?!?

Linkara (v/o): Knowledge in and of itself is useless! Otherwise, the entire motivation of our villain is, he was bored and curious! Even something as simple as "he's insane" has some kind of internal logic that makes sense to the crazy person. And what's worse is that his methods are just head-scratching. What does pitting Spider-Man against a building full of crazy people teach him about good and evil that one couldn't deduce by examining world history? Namely, that evil people are dicks and will hurt the innocent for any number of reasons, or that superior numbers/weaponry tends to triumph!

Linkara: Well, Peter Parker could have told him that. He's a science major! Judas Traveller probably majored in 19th Century artwork, failed his philosophy classes, and just barely scraped by with a minor in English.

Linkara (v/o): Anywho, Judas Traveller has teleported to the Top of New York because... well, it's dramatic, and there's no other good reason. The other mysterious character whose backstory makes even less sense appears, Scrier, and has this to say...

Scrier: You claim to admire him, Judas-- and yet what you're planning--is terrible indeed.

Linkara: I know, right? Traveller probably took tips from Harvest on idiot plans.

Scrier: With one stroke, you could do what all the tragedies of the past year could not: break Peter Parker-- utterly... and beyond hope of saving.

Linkara: And yet the Spider-Man writers have managed to do if a few times now. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with them.

Scrier: For hundreds of years, I have been your sole confidant... The one person you turn to when the burden of your quest becomes too much to bear.

Linkara: (incredulously) What burden?! There's nothing obligating him to do this!

Linkara (v/o): And what is Traveller's answer for why he's doing this?

Dr. Traveller: What I do, Scrier, I do for the greater good.

(Cut to a clip of Hot Fuzz)

Villagers: (chanting in unison) The greater good...

(Back to the comic again)

Dr. Traveller: Measured against my quest to know the unknowable-- to free humankind from the prison of self...

Linkara: (more confused than ever) "Prison of self"? The hell are you talking about?! Do you mean individuality? For a supposed teacher, you really suck at the basic rule that teachers make: DEFINE YOUR TERMS! (pulls up something in frustration, only to see he's pulled up a Pollo doll, much to his surprise) Hey, I've been looking for this everywhere.

(Cut to Linkara wearing a blue outfit)

Linkara: (arms crossed) We'll be right back, ya Slifer Slackers!

(He walks off as the AT4W logo appears in the corner, and we go to a commercial. Upon return, Linkara appears again in his blue outfit)

Linkara: And now we're back. I love this outfit.

(He walks off as the AT4W logo appears in the corner; cut back to the comic as the review resumes)

Linkara (v/o): Traveller has no idea what the hell he's doing! One minute, it's about "exploring heroism"; another, it's finding out the cause of evil; and now, it's "free humanity from the prison of self". Yeah, if it seems like the writing is schizophrenic for this asshole, just remember the words of Spider-Man writer Glenn Greenberg: nobody, NOBODY had any idea what this character's deal was! Nobody had bothered to actually come up with anything about this guy, other than "mysterious guy with undefined powers".

Linkara: (pointing at camera) You are not allowed to call yourself a writer, artist or even creator if you can't even be bothered to come up with a backstory for the characters that you are writing! Fortunately, there is something we can call you: (points at camera again) LAZY!

Linkara (v/o): Oh, and he pulls an Animorph and transforms into this bird thing. Knowing what I know about Judas Traveller's actual backstory they came up with, this is just head-tilting. But I don't want to spoil it for you guys entirely, because (laughs nervously) it's so stupid and uncreative, it just makes me shake my head. Anyway, Scrier... does something. I don't know. Looks like he's making a threatening gesture at all this pink color on the panel.

(Cut to a clip of an episode of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers)

Zordon: Too much pink energy is dangerous!

(Cut back to the comic)

Linakra (v/o): We're barely into this story, so let's skim some stuff. Peter returns to the apartment with Mary Jane, who's naturally worried about him. But what's more, she's also worried about their baby, since tests indicate that the baby could be deformed because of his irradiated blood. As we saw in the "Greatest Responsibility" storyline, that got all fixed up and is fine. However, MJ then gets knocked out when Traveller arrives. And I'd comment on the stupid things they're saying, but I'm too distracted by the artwork, which felt it necessary to make Peter do the splits so much that he is got to be in utter pain. Traveller's not doing much better with his legs, but with him, he seems confused about how to wear his pants. They're halfway up his stomach and require two belts to hold them up. Anyway, Traveller says he's still curious about how all the crazy people in Ravencroft blamed him for their evil actions.

Linkara: (exasperated) Well, what the hell was the point with that entire damn storyline if you didn't even make any conclusions from it?!

Dr. Traveller: All these questions--and more--I intend to explore as I journey across the landscape of your heart and soul. I want to know you, Spider-Man... down to the cellular level. I want to understand you in a way even you can't.

Linkara: (as Dr. Traveller, holding up a packet) Here is a list of questions in a non-specific order: (reads them) "Are you allergic to peanuts?", "If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?", "Do you prefer the normal chocolate Tootsie Rolls or the different flavored ones?"

Linkara (v/o): Peter's having none of that, though, and just starts punching him without any effect.

Dr. Traveller: Fall. Paralyzed. Unable to lift even a finger in your own defense.

Linkara: (as Dr. Traveller, reaching out hand) Does this bug you? I'm not touching you.

Peter: Traveller... why are you doing this? People aren't lab-rats for you to experiment on! Don't you have any conscience? Do you even understand the pain you cause when you--

Dr. Traveller: Do I have conscience? Feeling? Do I understand pain? The suffering I've known in my years on this Earth dwarfs anything in your pitiful experience.

Linkara: (as Dr. Traveller) But I will not actually disclose what any of that pain was, because it hasn't written yet.

Dr. Traveller: Just the smallest taste of it--


Linkara: (as Peter) Oh, God, it's so nonspecific, it hurts and explains absolutely nothing, and it doesn't actually answer my questions! (screams)

Linkara (v/o): And then Traveller stabs him with a sword. Okay.

Dr. Traveller: You've shown, time and again, that you're willing to sacrifice yourself for the greater good.

(Cut to a clip of Hot Fuzz)

Villagers: (chanting in unison) The greater good...

Nicholas Angel: Shut it!

(Back to the comic again)

Dr. Traveller: Willing to die for people you don't even know. Yes, you're quite the hero. But no man is simply one thing. Everyone is caught in the crossfire of conflicting impulses.

Linkara: (exasperated) Look, just stop and admit that your stupid title doesn't actually have anything to do with anything! It's getting embarrassing now!

Linkara (v/o): Traveller brings up that snowglobe with Aunt May's head in it and asks about sacrificing other people, even suggesting that he could bring Aunt May back to life with super-awesome, mysterious power of dance or whatever the hell it is. He offers to do so at the cost of another person's life: some nameless nobody who wouldn't make any difference in the world, and naturally, Peter doesn't buy it, smashing the globe and punching Traveller some more, saying that all of this is an elaborate illusion.

Dr. Traveller: You're right, of course. I'm not God.

Linkara: (unplugging more wires) And everyone, breathe a sigh of relief there, because if he was God, then things would be more messed up than they already are.

Dr. Traveller: No, I'm not God-- but I'm close.

Linkara: Then I've only got one question for you, Judy: what does God need with a Spider-Man?

Linkara (v/o): Using his powers, they now jump ahead to what the future holds, and our comic ends, displaying a messed-up, destroyed New York City. Traveller claims that all this destruction is Spider-Man's doing.

Linkara: Oh, so it's just like the series finale to the '90s animated Spider-Man cartoon... except that was really good and brought finality to the character and his development throughout the course of the series, and this is about an idiot who doesn't know how pants work.

(Cut to a closeup of the second comic's cover)

Linkara (v/o): And now, "Adjectiveless Spider-Man #59". It's a really barebones cover; just Spidey and an explosion, which, admittedly, has the neat effect of shaking up the logo, but there's not really much else.


Linkara: (dramatically) But first, news and weather.

Linkara (v/o): And we open right where we left off, except now Traveller has really long arms. Seriously, think of how his arm is angled and where it is now. He can probably touch his knees without having to lean over. And he now has one giant belt instead of the two from before. The narration says this is 24 hours in the future, and that it's all Spidey's fault for some reason. Traveller then takes them back to before the devastation occurred and begins to lay things out. But time to hop over to the police station. Detective Raven has gone in because he no longer believes Peter Parker is responsible, especially since evidence has arisen about more murders done with Kaine's style while Peter was behind bars.

Linkara: And... that's all we need for the ongoing Clone Saga narrative! Two pages! (rolls eyes) Goody! And now, back to more metaphysical bullcrap!

Linkara (v/o): Because it took so long to get through the first issue, here's the lowdown: Traveller, now also sporting a spiffy brown trenchcoat along with his black cape, says that he dispatched his host – those completely forgettable losers from last year, whom I mistakenly believed didn't appear in the Clone Saga – to a geothermal heating station to sabotage it. The resulting explosion will destroy the city.

Spider-Man: How could you do this? Why?

Dr. Traveller: I am doing nothing. It is my host.

Linkara: The host... that you sent to do that. You are a dumb character.

Linkara (v/o): He says they serve the greater purpose: his experiment.

Dr. Traveller: To discover the true nature of evil-- and thus discover the true nature of all that is good.

Linkara: Hey, asshole! Killing millions of people in a stupid experiment, not giving a crap about human life? That's pretty evil! Seems to me you've got the whole (makes a "finger quote") "nature of evil" thing down pat.

Spider-Man: What purpose will be served with the death of millions?

Dr. Traveller: That is yet to be seen.

Linkara: I would just like to remind you all that Judas Traveller is apparently a doctor.

(Cut to a clip of an episode of Scrubs)

Dr. Cox: (to a fellow female) For the love of God, are you a real doctor or a doctor, like Julius Irving is a doctor?

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): So while Peter goes and deals with the host, Traveller says he'll stay behind and make sure Mary Jane and the unborn baby are safe.

Dr. Traveller: So, if all you desire is to see them safe... you need do nothing.

Linkara (v/o): Oh, yeah, because you can totally trust the guy who has no problems whatsoever casually murdering millions of people in a vague, poorly-defined attempt to figure out good and evil. Peter, this is why I say you are bad at making decisions! Peter wants to see Mary Jane before he goes, and Scrier shows up to poke Traveller that he's straining the limits of his powers.

Scrier: Be careful...

Linkara (v/o): Aaaand then Traveller blasts him.

Dr. Traveller: Do not presume to warn me, Scrier!

(Cut to a clip of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang watching Hobgoblins)

Mike: (as a character in the movie) You and you stupid thoughtfulness can just go to hell!

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): So Peter tells MJ he loves her and swings off again. Long story short, Peter is able to knock the host out of their task... but then they spot a big green energy cloud in the sky.

Det. Raven: It appears to be a transpatial time vortex. It was not in the calculations.

Linkara: (as Det. Raven) I know what it is because... (pauses awkwardly) Well, I had to say it, or else the audience wouldn't know what the hell is going on.

Linkara (v/o): The dude explains that the vortex will collapse in on itself in the next eleven minutes, and the resulting force will be even worse than what they were going to do at the thermal plant. Traveller is a bit surprised by this, but not Scrier.

Scrier: This is what comes of playing with forces beyond our control, Judas. The space-time continuum is a delicate thing. Now you see it was not Spider-Man that created the destruction of this city... It was you. The source of all the death and destruction once more comes from you.

Linkara: Our villain is so mysterious and powerful that even he doesn't know how the hell his powers work! That's the sign of good writing right there!

Linkara (v/o): The energy cloud descends upon Traveller, and Peter yells at Scrier to help him.

Spider-Man: That thing is trying to swallow him up... He's in pain!

Scrier: I cannot help him... nor will I try. This thing is of his own doing. Traveller is the source of the rift in the space-time continuum... and now it is simply attempting to reclaim its own.

Linkara (v/o): Oh, goody! This is a story that only involves our protagonist because our vaguely defined villain wanted to perform some bizarre experiment about broad metaphysical concepts. And as a result of his own stupidity, he's gonna doom mankind, and our hero cannot even be a hero since it's all on the villain's shoulders to fix things, thus rendering our main character completely useless in his own damn story!

(Cut to a clip of an episode of Spider-Man: The Animated Series)

Spider-Man: This is starting to sound like a bad comic book plot!

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Scrier says that the building is still under the protection of the last vestiges of Traveller's powers – these same powers that are now being absorbed into the rift, mind you, so that makes so much sense – and that the future that they saw will now come to pass.

Narrator: And as Traveller enters the vortex... the full weight of his past falls upon him and threatens to engulf him. Memories long buried in the darkest regions of his soul brought to light.

  • NOTE: It actually says, "...regions of his soul are brought to light."

Linkara: (deadpan) Yes, the full weight of his completely fake past. Again, avoiding spoilers, but the dude is not actually hundreds of years old. Hindsight's a pain in the ass, isn't it?

Linkara (v/o): One of the images of his past shows three people crucified, so I suppose that's indicating that Judas Traveller really is Judas Iscariot. The whitest Judas Iscariot ever, not that it matters. But anyway, it seems I spoke too soon about the uselessness of our main character, since Spidey grabs Traveller's arm, and somehow that is enough to pull him free of the cloud, and the cloud harmlessly evaporates. So... yes, Scrier could have saved him, too! Everyone here is stupid. Scrier is confused by his actions, including Peter saying that he'd risk his life for anyone in danger.

Scrier: But he is your enemy... He will not be satisfied in your understanding him... when he still cannot understand you.

Linkara: Well, at least somebody understands Judas Traveller, even if it isn't the people writing him.

Spider-Man: You can let him know that I'm really not all that hard to understand...

Linkara: Yeah, just be a boiling pot of barely-contained angst and ennui, coupled with quips and an inability to learn from your mistakes.

Linkara (v/o): And so, our comic ends with a reminder to me of "One More Day"'s idiocy, as Mary Jane reunites with Peter on the rooftop.

Narrator: Peter has Mary Jane... They are happy... and that is more than enough.

Linkara: (laughs derisively) These comics suck!

Linkara (v/o): Congratulations! Two issues where nothing was accomplished! Traveller will continue to be an unclear, unfocused villain whose goals are stupid and nonsensical, nothing changed in terms of Peter's development, and all the stuff with Detective Raven could have been squeezed into any other issues! To sum up...

(Cut to a clip of the MST3K gang watching the end of The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies)

Crow: We hope you've enjoyed No-Moral Theater, ladies and gentlemen.

(Just then, Jaeris teleports onto Comicron 1, his gun at the ready. He looks around while Linkara continues to work on Nimue)

Nimue: (singsong voice) You're going to die!

Linkara: Nimue... I'm done. Soon as I pull those wires over there... you're off. I don't know if I can ever get you back on again.

Nimue: (whispering) You think you can kill me?

Linkara: Yeah. I know.

(Linkara then reaches out to pull some wires to silence her. Suddenly, the ship starts shaking violently as Nimue screams at Linkara in an increasingly frantic and ever-louder voice to die. Finally, Linkara reaches over and pulls the plug on her)

Nimue: (softly) Help me.

(In a shower of sparks and more shaking, the ship's console shuts off, followed by all the lights on the ship. Linkara sits up, holding Nimue's plug in his hand. He looks quite upset at what he had done. Standing back up, he then pushes some buttons on his remote)

Linkara: Environmental systems restored.

(He hangs his head over the loss of Nimue. Suddenly, the console and all the lights on the ship turn on again, this time glowing red, much to Linkara's shock)

Linkara: ...Nimue? (no answer) Nimue? Nimue? Nimue, please answer me.

(But much to Linkara's horror, instead of Nimue, a deeper, more evil voice answers, a voice that sounds all too familiar to Linkara)

Voice: Your computer is dead, Champion. Tell me, are you afraid?

(Linkara's eyes widen in alarm)