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Sonic the Hedgehog: The Movie
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Aired
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July 31, 2018
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Running Time
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21:02
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Previous Review
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Next Review
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TBA
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Link
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(We do the Channel Awesome and the intro before cutting to the Nostalgia Critic in his room)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Let's talk about Sonic the Hedgehog. (His phone rings and he checks it) I'm required to say... "Before DeviantArt?" (A crowd groans at him)
(The footage and pictures of various Sonic media are shown)
NC (vo): The iconic Sega Genesis character not only had several hit games in the 90s, but also two successful TV shows both on at the same time. It was like having Batman: The Animated Series and Batman the 60s show both on simultaneously. It was strange, but kinda cool. As the years went on, though, Sonic gradually slipped, making clumsy games with clumsy storylines. What, you didn’t want to see Sonic turn into a werewolf, or...make out with Final Fantasy foldouts?
(His phone rings again, and he checks it again)
NC: Oh, some of you didn’t. (Looks at phone again) I’m also required again to say that there is no DeviantArt in this video. (NC's phone beeps numerous amounts of times after that) Why do I suddenly have ten emails of inflated Sonics?!
NC (vo): Despite this, or maybe in light of this, Sonic has grown a very large fanbase online. His reputation is...odd, to say the least. But just because I don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s bad. And I'm gonna take a wild guess and say there's stranger things online.
(Once again, NC's phone rings, and he checks it)
NC: Why shouldn’t I Google Kaa from The Jungle Book? I see no reason why not- (gets horrified) OH, GOD! (puts the phone away) Okay, we’re getting off-topic!
NC (vo): My point is, people have been asking me to review Sonic media for years, but all I've gotten up to is the Sonic SatAM show, and I haven't really seen any of the new shows or played many of the new games after that.
NC: But then sombody brought up that there's a Sonic movie! (The upcoming 2019 Sonic the Hedgehog movie's IMDb page is shown) No, not that one. (The poster for the Sonic 2013 fan short is shown) Not that one either. Though I hear the Forrest Gump soldier is very good in that.
NC (vo): I'm talking about the anime OVA.
(The title screen is shown, before going to the movie's cilps)
NC (vo): Premiering in Japan in 1996, this got a video release in America in 1999. Though not even an hour long, all the advertisements clearly label it as the Sonic the Hedgehog movie. So, I guess it counts. Does it lure newcomers in the mix? Does it please diehard loyalists? Is there room for my fan character "Nosonic Critic?" (The drawn Sonic wearing NC's hat and red tie is shown)
NC: ...When in Rome. Let’s take a look at the Sonic the Hedgehog OVA movie!
(We start with the SEGA logo appearing in siience)
NC (vo): Oh, come on. They don’t even have the singers going...
Singers: SEEEGAAA!
NC: Although, I suppose if we updated it, it’d be...
NC (vo; as the singers): Son of a biiiiitch! (Sonic and Mario are shown with the Nintendo Switch logo)
(The opening of the movie shows a blue, hedgehog-shaped mecha being constructed)
NC (vo): As the credits roll, we see Metal Sonic seems to have been built by Dr. Wily. I mean, Robotnik. I mean, Eggman. I mean-
NC: You know what? Dr. Wily! This is all just a furry version of Megaman! Think about it!
NC (vo): Small blue hero (Sonic and Megaman are shown) stops big mustache scientist (Dr. Eggman/Robotnik and Dr. Wily) who takes over robots, (Animals in robot prisons, and the Robot Masters) has a dog, (Tails and Rush) a girl, (Amy and Roll) and a ton of sequels people hate. (Multiple media of Sonic and Megaman)
NC: You laugh! (points to head) I ponder.
(Sonic the Hedgehog is shown relaxing on the beach chair, and Miles "Tails" Prower comes to him)
NC (vo): We cut to Sonic who resides in…an area of activity...where Tails, his sidekick/child/adult/fiction is off to use his surfboard.
Tails: Come on! You want to try it out?
Sonic: Not right now, thanks. (Tails leaves) Tails is just like a little kid with his new toy.
NC: (as Sonic) I bet a lot of you thought he was a little kid. Let me unconfuse this by explaining nothing.
NC (vo): Oh, and I mean nothing. There are no intros for anyone. We're just supposed to already know who everyone is and what their characteristics are.
(Old Man Owl arrives in a crashing rocket)
Old Man Owl: Hi, Sonic! I have some news for you!
Sonic: Oh, not that old man again…
NC: I mean, owl scientists and rocket ships clearly explain themselves.
NC (vo): At the very least, you could throw in some Looney Tunes introductions. Even something as little as this could help.
(As Sonic runs across a cliff, the screen freezes to show his Latin description a la Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner. Sonic is Franchisicus Clumsicus. Cut to Tails, who tried to resque Old Man Owl by himself, screaming as the rocket crashes. The screen freezes, and Tails is shown as Dumbassas Indistressas. Sonic curls up into a spin dash, and rushes on over to Tails and Old Man Owl, right as the rocket explodes)
NC: Wow. Even shorter than I thought.
(Cut to the beginning of the credits to Sonic SatAM. Back to the movie, Sonic puts Tails and Old Man Owl on the ground)
NC (vo): No, Sonic saves the both of them, as the owl scientist lets Sonic know that he's needed.
Tails: Did you say you had some urgent business?
Old Man Owl: Oh, right. It’s a real emergency. You see, the President…
NC: Why do I feel like they came up with the owl's voice the same day they recorded it?
Old Man Owl: What are you talking about, Mr. Sonic? I know how to handle them.
NC: (As the producer, offscreen) You’re recording the owl scientist, go!
NC: I thought I was just delivering blow.
NC: (As the producer, offscreen) You’re a voice actor now! Go!
NC: Um… (Oldish voice) Hi, Sonic! I'm an owl!
NC: (As the producer, offscreen) Hmm, you've done this before.
NC: Question my life choices? Yes.
Sonic: He wants us to come to the presidential house right away.
Owl Scientist: Yes, that’s it! That’s it!
Sonic: You know, it might have been easier if you just called to tell us that.
NC: (as Old Man Owl) I mean, do we have phones? We don't seem to have clothes that cover our genitalia. Are we really just advanced nudists?
(It is shown that Dr. Robotnik is now residing in some sort of the White House, and Sonic and Tails confront him)
NC (vo): But either a drunk Teddy Roosevelt is president, or Robotnik has taken over.
NC (vo; as Robotnik; channeling Dr. Nick Riviera from The Simpsons): Hi, everybody! (as Sonic and Tails) Hi, Robotnik!
Robotnik: Please accept a small token of my gratitude.
(Cut to the real President and his daughter Sara being held hostage by Robotink's robots)
Mr. President: Stop! Sonic, for the sake of my daughter and everyone else, listen to him!
NC (vo): It seems Robotnik has the President and his daughter captured, which is usually the third act of a movie, and not usually the first couple minutes.
Robotnik: Now, Sonic, I've got the upper hand. This is about the entire planet of freedom, so you better do as I say!
NC: Ohh, so kidnapping the President was just an attention getter. Sonic must be a real asshole!
(According to Robotnik, a giant mecha named Metal Robotnik has exiled him from his utopian city of Robotropolis and sabotaged the Robot Generator, which will explode in less than a day)
NC (vo): Actually, I'm not too far off. Robotnik says he actually needs help because a robotic version of him took over his lair, and a generator of energy has to be stopped before it blows up the world. Our dickhead of a hero could care less.
Sonic: Forget about it. Why should I have to go around cleaning up your messes?
Robotnik: (getting a needle out) Fine! Don't blame me when this happens!
(He stabs the hologram version of the planet, which blows up with a "BAN!" caption)
NC: I thought it was nice that...
(The scene is replayed with the picture of Adam West's Batman delivering a kick with "POW" sound effect caption)
NC (vo): ...they gave those dyslexic Batman sound effects a home.
Mr. President: Sonic, please do it!
NC (vo): We find out quickly, though, that everyone's kind of a taint in this universe.
Sara: Sonic, I don't care what happens to Robotnik or Daddy, but please, just do this for the two of us.
NC: Wow. First thing, bitch. Second thing, are you two an item now?
(Sonic’s ending with Princess Elise the Third in SONIC the Hedgehog 2006 game is shown)
NC (vo): They tried that in another game. The results were…ewwy.
Sonic: Nice smile! (Elise smiles)
NC (vo; as Elise): I’m working through things! Dark things.
(Sonic reluctantly agrees to help Robotnik)
NC (vo): Sonic agrees for...whatever disturbed relationship he has with Sara, and Robotnik gives Tails a watch to get him to his lair.
Robotnik: ...using the shortest and fastest route.
Tails: Thank you, Robotnik.
NC: (as Robotnik) Don’t thank me, just blow your nose! You sound like a constipated Simpson child.
(Sonic and Tails are shown flying in the latter's plane, the Tornado)
Sonic: Tails, do you actually trust that ridiculous little gadget that Robotnik built for you?
Tails: But Dr. Robotnik is the only person who knows where Robotropolis is, so we have to use his navigator, and hope it works!
NC: (chuckles) Wow. That was probably the most anime line delivery this movie's had yet.
NC (vo; as Tails): I’m just going to say words until I run out of words, and that these words are going to stop being words, words.
Sonic: I guess so.
(Back in the President's office, Robotnik and Sara are playing the video game on consoles that features the characters who look like them)
NC (vo): Confusingly, back with the President, the video game characters are playing video game characters.
Robotnik: Just give up! We've played a hundred times!
Sara: (teasingly) I'll stop being your hostage.
Robotnik: All right, start it again.
NC: (poker-faced) Okay, one of us is an idiot.
NC (vo): We then cut back to Tails and Sonic.
(Sonic and Tails are shown flying...and saying nothing. After that...cut to Robotnik and Sara again)
NC (vo): Thank God we did that. Back to video games!
Sara: No, no! You beat me again!
(Suddenly, something crashes through the floor and into the ceiling of the President's office)
NC (vo): Apparently, one of Robotnik’s pods drop in, and both Sara and Robotnik hop in.
(Sara and Robotnik both leave the office in the pod. Mr. President yells as one of the robot minions is shown holding up a sign that literally says, "Goodbye Sara!!")
Mr. President: No! Come back, Sara!
(NC stares, baffled. The sign is shown again. NC continues staring, but the camera cuts closer to him. Back to the sign...and back to the NC)
NC: I just want to make sure...we are high right now, right?
NC (vo): Sonic and Tails come across some tough winds and end up crashing.
(The Tornado crash-lands onto the ground. Cut to the a scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
Henry Jones: Nice landing.
Indiana Jones: Thanks.
(Arriving in the Land of Darkness, Sonic and Tails evade the traps along their way to Robotropolis)
NC (vo): They run through all the traps laid out for them and free the animals inside the robots like in the game- (Sonic destroys a Crawlton, but no animal comes out of the robot) Or just disembowel them!
NC: We'll just...assume they used to be bad.
NC (vo): They get to Robotropolis after crossing some ancient relics...indicating that Sonic the Hedgehog takes place in our current future?
NC: Finally! The Adventure Time crossover we never knew we wanted and we'll wish stayed that way!
Sonic: We should hurry!
(The lightning crackles, scaring Tails into holding onto Sonic)
Tails: AHHH! I’M AFRAID OF LIGHTNING!
NC (vo; as Sonic): He-he. Tails always act like a kid when there's lightning. But, apparently, he isn't. I don’t know. (normal) But Metal Robotnik appears to try and stop them.
(Metal Robotnik phases in and out each time Lightning strikes, laughing evilly every time he phases in)
NC: (as Metal Robotnik) Well, I thought it was funny. Hell, I'm gonna do it again. (Laughs evilly) The levels, it works on so many of them.
Metal Robotnik: Come here! (He shoots at the two, as they take cover)
Sonic: We don't have time to mess around with some robot!
NC: That's...literally all you do. Does Sonic play Sonic games?
NC (vo): He [Metal Robotnik] grows a rocket pack, and…wings. (Critic stares baffled again) And tries to hunt them down.
Metal Robotnik: Don’t think you’re safe yet. I’m well aware that neither one of you can swim!
NC: (as Metal Robotnik) Or, maybe you can. You just play really anxiety-provoking music whenever you’re about to drown. (Sonic running through the underwater segment of Aquadic Ruins is shown, with the countdown ticking, accompanied with the infamous drowning music) My butthole still clenches every time I hear that!
(Sonic and Tails were about to sneak away from under the bridge, after fooling Metal Robotnik, but he caught on fast)
Metal Robotnik: You didn’t think I’d fall for a stupid trick like that, did you?
(Literally, he starts shooting glue projectiles at them from his ass, as Sonic and Tails run away)
NC: Okay, am I seeing that wrong, or is he shitting bullets on them? That must be some devilish Taco Bell you had earlier!
NC (vo): Metamucil: You’ll be shitting bullets for a week. He fires missiles as well to totally eradicate Sonic.
(Said missiles were chasing Sonic, ending with a gigantic explosion, engulfing the city)
Tails: There’s no way you’ve could have gotten rid of Sonic that easily with those missiles.
NC: Easily? The end of a cura(?) didn’t have an explosion that big! They would call him the blue blur because that’s what he would look like just standing there!
NC (vo): Sonic does survive for, reasons, and Knuckledile Dundee comes in to help out.
Knuckles: Sonic, grab a hold! (Knuckles grabs onto Sonic, and hurls him towards Metal Robotnik. Sonic was able to pierce through Metal Robotnik)
NC (vo): (as Metal Robotnik) Oh! My unborn child! Oh the robanity!
(Metal Robotnik is destroyed after that last attack)
NC (vo): Robotnik and Sara arrive though as Robotnik claims that Sonic has more to worry about.
Robotnik: He’ll have to fight something far more evil than Metal Robotnik.
(Sara then suddenly whacks Robotnik on the head, in anger)
Sara: What do you mean worse than Metal Robotnik? You better keep your hands off my Sonic, or I’ll never forgive you!
NC: Okay, does my Sonic mean hedgehog or hedge, cause either way, I’m very disturbed.
(We then go to commercial)