Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island
October 30, 2019
(The Channel Awesome logo is displayed, followed by the 2019 Nostalgia-Ween opening, which features footage of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!)
Nostalgia Stack (vo): 1969: Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! premieres on television. It begins a franchise of...
(A montage of shots of numerous Scooby-Doo spin-offs is superimposed, including Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?...)
Nostalgia Stack (vo): ...spin-offs...
(...Scooby-Doo and the Witch's Ghost...)
Nostalgia Stack (vo): ...specials...
(...the live-action Scooby-Doo movie...)
Nostalgia Stack (vo): ...movies...
(...and various crossovers with celebrities, including Scooby-Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters, Scooby-Doo and KISS Rock and Roll Mystery, and Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery)
Nostalgia Stack (vo): ...and magnificently confusing crossovers.
(Now we cut to footage of one of those specials: Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island)
Nostalgia Stack (vo): On its fiftieth anniversary, there's one special in particular Scooby-Doo fans claim is by far the best one: (Poster for the title is shown...) Scooby-Doo's Zombie Island. Will it have the same impact as when it first premiered? Will it have cameos from zombie (A shot of the Skipper and Gilligan from Gilligan's Island is superimposed briefly) Gilligan and Skipper? And will it finally answer if Velma is the teenage version of (A shot of Marcie of Peanuts fame appears in the corner) Marcie?
(The foggy cityscape is now shown as Nostalgia Stack walks out in front of the camera)
Nostalgia Stack: Don't delay the truth any longer; fanfiction forums are counting on it. I'm Nostalgia Stack, and welcome to Nostalgia-Ween. (nods)
(The words that slide down the purple bars are follows: "Nostalgia Critic", "Zoinks", "Jinkies", "Remember 13 Ghosts?", "Doobie Snacks", "WTF?", "R.I.P. Scrappy", "Lions and Zombies and Ghosts, Oh My!", "Nostalgia Ween". The "reviewed" clips include those from the review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, as well as shots of Evilina and Pennywise)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. It's hard to find a formula that can last over fifty years.
(A montage of clips from Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! is shown)
NC (vo): But Scooby-Doo has found that formula. Though there's certainly been variations over the years, Scooby-Doo has delighted kids with almost the exact same characters and setup: a bunch of 20-something "kids" stumble across a monster that's usually a person in a mask and they need to solve the mystery of who it is. Sometimes, they strayed from the formula, and the result has always been, well, (A clip of Norman Osborn from Spider-Man (2002) saying "Back to formula?" is shown with the accompanying caption) back to formula. I guess it makes sense why it's lasted so long: the characters are pleasant and easy to identify, there are great contrasts to the Gothic situations they're put in, the mysteries help kids form deductive problem-solving skills, and of course, that adorably mangy dog, too. It's become a cultural phenomenon, still making shows, movies, and specials...
(Cut to a montage of shots of Scooby-Doo in satire: in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Family Guy, a Saturday Night Live 2000 sketch "Scooby Doo and Shaggy on Court TV", and the Cartoon Network show, The Scooby-Doo Project)
NC (vo): ...as well as being satirized by everybody, including themselves.
(A clip of The Scooby-Doo Project is shown)
Daphne Blake: At least I try to look feminine! (Velma Dinkley stares)
(The footage of the original Scooby-Doo show resumes)
NC (vo): Say what you will about it, but this is a franchise train that's provided a huge amount of steam. So, for their fiftieth anniversary, I want to look over what many fans will consider their best work.
NC: And most fans agree, that would be Zombie Island.
(The title is shown, followed by footage of the film)
NC (vo): Released on home video in 1998, this is what many Scooby-Doo fans consider their magnum opus, with good animation, a darker tone, and actual monsters this time as opposed to just people in masks, an element that would return in many future spin-offs. While that's all fine and good, does it hold any value for grown-ups? Is there something there to entertain the brain of an adult as well as the heart of a child? Well, let's jump right in, after running midair in a circle, to find out.
NC: Let's close down Nostalgia-Ween with Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. (nods)
(The movie opens on a castle by the sea during a thunderstorm)
NC: Aw, shit, I put on Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
(The castle is shown again, along with a caption below reading: "Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore". Then the camera cuts to the inside of the castle as the storm continues with flashes of lightning illuminating the darkness)
NC (vo): As you may have noticed, the production in this one is certainly upped, with the backgrounds really breathing with dark and Gothic life.
NC: I'm almost wondering if I put this in (A fan-made poster for Scooby-Doo in Castlevania appears in the corner) by mistake.
(A green fish-like monster breaks open a wooden door revealing the Mystery Inc. gang cowering at the sight of this monster and then run off, with Shaggy Rogers holding Scooby-Doo in his arms. At one point, Shaggy opens a door opening for a way out, only to again run into the fish monster. He freaks out, his hair standing up on end, and runs again as the monster holds up its claws at him)
NC (vo): Looks like a monster is hunting down the Mystery Inc. gang, and it wouldn't be a Scooby-Doo property without this creepy and foreboding environment given 100% inappropriate music.
(As Shaggy runs again, with Scooby on his back, the classic Scooby-Doo theme plays, performed here by Third Eye Blind)
Third Eye Blind (vo): (singing) Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are you? We got some work to do now...
(The monster cuts off Shaggy and Scooby's path again and they turn to run the other way, but they have caught on a long rug, which moves under their feet while they run under their feet as it gets in the monster's way. Then we cut to a title card for an episode of The New Scooby-Doo Movies, which shows Shaggy's flashlight revealing the guest stars: Third Eye Blind)
NC (vo; as Shaggy): Today's soon-to-be-dated musical guest is Third Eye Blind!
(Back in the movie, as the fish monster chases after them, Fred Jones, Daphne and Velma don't look where they're going and they crash into a balcony. The two girls start to fall, but Fred grabs them by his arms. Velma and Daphne cling for dear life)
NC (vo; as Fred): Oh, God, which one do I drop?
(As the monster swipes its claws at Fred, he reaches up to swat it away, but in doing so, he accidentally loses his grip on Velma, who starts to fall)
NC (vo): Eh, you know it's Velma.
(As Velma falls, she grabs Daphne by the ankle to break her fall. Suddenly, Scooby falls into the fish monster's arms, distracting the monster. Meanwhile, Shaggy has grabbed a hold of Velma and helps her up, while Fred does the same with Daphne)
NC: Yeah, they cut the part where...
(The scene is shown again, jump-cutting from Velma grabbing Daphne's ankle to Shaggy helping Velma up again)
NC (vo): ...Velma climbed Daphne in order to reach Shaggy's hand.
NC: (looking uncomfortable) You know exactly why! (nods)
(The fish monster having been foiled, Velma unmasks it, revealing yet another ne'er-do-well)
NC (vo): The monster is defeated in a real-to-be...
Shaggy: Like, it's Mr. Beeman, the real estate agent!
NC: I think the real question is... (points to camera)
NC (vo) ...who's wearing the Fred mask? (The camera zooms in on Fred's face, whose eyes are much wider than usual) There's no way those are human eyes!
Mr. Beeman (Ed Gilbert): And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for that big dog and you meddling kids!
NC: (as Scooby) Hee-hee-hee-hee! I got top billing from the villain this time!
(We then cut to Daphne as a guest on a talk show)
NC (vo): It turns out this is a story Daphne is sharing on a talk show as she now become a reporter on Americana.
Talk Show Hostess: Ooh, stories like that always give me (clutches herself in her own arms) the heebie-jeebies! (shudders)
NC: Rosie O'Donnell's show has never been the same since she's transformed into a skinny black woman.
(As Fred, a producer of the show, watches from off to the side and waves to Daphne, we cut to an airport, where the show is broadcast on a screen. Here, Shaggy and Scooby are security guards)
NC (vo): It looks like Fred is her producer, while the rest of the team has split, with Shaggy and Scooby becoming security guards at an airport.
NC: I'm not gonna lie, the idea of Scooby sniffing out drugs is both the funniest and most ironic thing they could do!
(A live-action shot of a man with some bags of drugs is shown, with a cartoon Scooby scowling toward it Photoshopped in)
NC (vo; as man with drugs): You can't arrest me! Shaggy sold me that shit! (as Scooby) Ruff him up, boys! Hee-hee-hee-hee!
(Back to the movie, Scooby points out some luggage to Shaggy, and they rummage through it and come out with a roll of cheese, which they confiscate and take to their office, which is chock full of other foods)
NC (vo): No, they're just happy because they get to keep the contraband food that others have sneak into the country. And nothing else!
(Shaggy and Scooby, of course, eat all the food and are caught by the head of security with inflated bellies from eating it all, which gets them fired)
NC (vo): Especially stuff that would make them want to eat all that contraband food!
(Earlier, Shaggy and Scooby spot the food in the office)
Shaggy: Like, is this the jackpot of jobs or what?!
NC: (as Shaggy) And when I say "jackpot", I mean we're getting jacked from pot!
(Meanwhile, Velma has opened her own bookstore, which has a TV that allows her to watch Daphne on the talk show)
NC (vo): Meanwhile, Velma runs a mystery bookstore, right next to (image of the following appears in the corner briefly...) Ray's Occult Books, as Fred calls and says he's getting the gang back together, surprising Daphne on her birthday.
(Fred drives up to Daphne's home in a van labeled Coast to Coast with Daphne Blake (the name of Daphne's show, apparently). Suddenly, the back doors swing open, revealing Shaggy, Scooby and Velma all wearing party hats and holding streamer horns)
(They all blow on the horns and toss confetti in the air. They then get out of the van and Velma hugs Daphne around her middle)
Daphne: (giggles) Gosh!
NC: Man, Velma spent...
(The scene is replayed, this time zoomed in on Velma hugging Daphne)
NC (vo): ...no time getting her grope on!
Vicki Vale: (audio from Batman) Oh! I love purple...!
NC (vo): So Fred invites them along on a story to find actual haunted areas instead of the surprisingly common criminals in ghost masks.
(Fred removes the Coast to Coast sign, revealing that the van is in fact the Mystery Machine)
Shaggy: Ho ho!
Velma: Perfect! Mystery, Inc. is back in business!
NC: That was a whole... (The words "7 Minutes" pop up below in yellow and NC looks down at it) seven minutes we spent apart. Honestly, it could have been edited out, (The shot of Scooby scowling at the drugs appears in the corner) but it was worth it for this Photoshop.
NC (vo): They tour Louisiana to find real ghosts, but every one is revealed to be fake, as it turns out they're just too good at solving mysteries. They come across a woman named Lena Dupree, who says she knows a real haunted house on Moonscar Island.
Daphne: What do we have to lose?
Fred: (eating a beignet) And that Lena is kind of cute.
Daphne: (suspiciously) Fred!
Fred: I just meant she'd be real photogenic for our segment.
NC: (as Daphne) This is because I had that fling with (image of the following appears in the corner...) Biff from Jabberjaw, isn't it?
(As Lena drives her pickup truck onto a ferry boat, the Mystery, Inc. gang does the same with the Mystery Machine. Then the ferry captain, named Jacques, drives it across the bayou to the island in question)
NC (vo): They follow her to a ferry that will take them to the haunted island with the haunted house through the haunted bayou.
Jacques (Jim Cummings): Pirates used these bayous to hide from the law. They know only a fool will come a-lookin' up in here.
NC: (as Jacques, startled) Oh, sorry, I just have this condition where I shout that word. Anyway...
NC (vo): ...they were lookin' for fool's gold while nourishing a fool's hope, in the middle of watching Fools Rush In. (The poster for that movie is superimposed briefly) It's a new movie at the time; underrated. (normal) Scooby and Shaggy fall over, though, but are saved by a fisherman named Snakebite [Scruggs], who's looking to catch Big Mona, an uncatchable catfish.
(Having saved Shaggy and Scooby, Snakebite, who has a bit of an evil eye, shows off his furry pet pig (that has tusks like a warthog) to them)
Snakebite Scruggs (Mark Hamill): This here's my hunting pig.
(The pig, glaring at the two, snorts and paws at the ground in front of them)
Shaggy: (nervously) Hunting pig?
NC: (as Shaggy) That's the weirdest thing I ever heard. Isn't that right, mystery-solving, talking dog?
Scooby: (offscreen) Right, super weird.
NC (vo): He returns them to their boat, and they arrive at the house, which is crawling with cats.
(Scooby, who has been filming them arriving at the island with a video camera, spots the cats)
Scooby: (becoming upset) Cats!
(He jumps out and takes off after them. The Mystery Machine van stops abruptly)
Shaggy: Come back, Scoob!
(Seeing the cats dive under the stairs, Scooby chases after them under the stairs and through several potted flowers, smashing them in the process)
NC (vo; as Scooby): You will know my name is the Lord when I lay my Scooby upon thee!
(One of the cats he chases jumps into the arms of the owner of the house, Simone Lenoir. Scooby tries to his stop, but his forward momentum causes him to crash into her, knocking her down. Everyone else grimaces. Simone gets up, quite irate)
NC (vo): They come across the owner, named Simone, who is not amused at Scooby's antics.
Simone (Adrienne Barbeau): You'll have to do something about your...dog.
Shaggy: (petting Scooby, who smiles nervously) Food always keeps Scooby occupied.
Simone: If it will keep him from chasing my cats...
NC: (as Shaggy) Oh, I meant the cats being the food. Is that off the table?
(Inside the house, Shaggy and Scooby try some hot peppers, only to spot a misty wisp appearing which makes Shaggy shiver and, more importantly, scratches the word "GET OUT" into the wall, which Fred, Daphne and Velma also notice)
NC (vo): Scooby and Shaggy notice a chill in the kitchen as the local ghost recommends their favorite Jordan Peele movie.
Simone: (also seeing the inscription on the wall) The haunting might just be starting! (becomes slightly nervous) After sundown, the ghosts get more restless.
NC: (also nervous) It'll be like those ghost-hunting shows. There might be bumps in the distance! BUMPS!
(Suddenly, Velma finds herself floating in midair. Daphne is amazed, as this could be the work of a real ghost)
NC (vo): Velma starts levitating, though, as Daphne is thrilled that the ghost might be real.
Daphne: This just gets better and better!
Velma: (trying to pull her sweater over her skirt) Maybe from where you're standing!
NC: (as Daphne) Please say it's more than a "maybe"!
Velma: Anybody want to try getting me down?
Shaggy: (running up) Sure thing! C'mon, Scoob!
NC: (as Velma) I was talking to Daphne.
(Suddenly, Velma falls back down and they replay the video, which is being filmed by Fred)
NC (vo): They look over the video to see if they can gather clues as to what happened.
(The video is played again)
Daphne: (on video, distorted) Feel the chill in the air! (A gust of cold wind blows in)
(Cut back to Daphne looking over the filmed footage)
Daphne: I think I saw something!
NC: (as Daphne) The ghost edited...
NC (vo): ...the footage to include a closeup!
(They zoom in on the video, revealing that the words on the wall, "GET OUT BEWARE", was in fact carved in by a ghost, a pirate ghost who carved the message into the wall with his cutlass)
Daphne: It looks like...a ghost!
NC: Ha! It wasn't a criminal at all! It was (points to screen) Old Man Ghost! (becomes confused) Something seems backwards.
(Simone takes down a book off the shelf in the library and looks into it, revealing a picture of a pirate with a scar, in the shape of a moon, over his right eye)
NC (vo): So the ghost, it looks like, is the pirate Moonscar, but Fred still thinks it can't be real.
Daphne: Then why did it only show up on the tape?
Fred: There's always a logical explanation for these things.
NC: (as Fred) Like, remember when we proved Fatima was really the Devil? Just look at the facts.
(Velma takes a spatula and uses it to scrape away part of the wall, revealing a sign underneath reading "MAELSTROM")
NC (vo): Velma examines further and discovers the house is partly made from Moonscar's pirate ship.
Simone: Parts of this house is quite old. Pieces of the pirate ship could have been used in the construction.
NC: I hear that. (gestures around him) This studio is 50% Hispaniola, complete with Captain Flint.
(He looks toward a corner of the wall, which has a pirate skeleton standing in the corner)
NC: I really should put a shelf there.
(With that, we got to a commercial break. Upon return, the movie resumes, with Simone explaining the legend of Moonscar to the Mystery, Inc. gang)
NC (vo): So the legend goes, the pirate Moonscar buried treasure on the island, which Fred thinks is further proof it's just a person faking this, looking for riches.
(Shaggy and Scooby, having gone missing from the rest of the gang, run around the area outside the house and fall into a pit)
NC (vo): Meanwhile, Scooby and Shaggy stumble into a pit, where a dead body seems to be coming to life.
(Said dead body, with a ghoulish green glow to boot, appears before them, revealing itself as the zombie form of Moonscar the pirate, moaning pathetically. Shaggy and Scooby cower at the sight of the zombie as it comes toward them)
(Shaggy climbs out of the pit, then pulls Scooby out by his tail, and then they run off as Zombie Moonscar climbs out after them. They bring everyone else back to the pit, but Zombie Moonscar is gone)
NC (vo): They get out and tell everyone about it, but nobody saw, including the suspicious gardener.
(Shaggy points out said gardener, Beau, who leans against a tree with his arms crossed and frowning. Velma looks over her shoulder and spots him, too)
Velma: (pointing accusingly at Beau) What were you doing out here?
Beau (Cam Clarke): My job.
Daphne: He is suspicious, but he is kind of cute.
NC: (as Daphne) I can't wait to leave this movie in a body bag.
NC (vo): They decide to let the gang spend the night as they are shown to their rooms.
Lena Dupree (Tara Strong): Your room is this way, Fred. (opens another door) And this is your room, Miss Blake.
NC: (as Daphne) I object! Fred and I get separate rooms...
(In the movie, it is revealed that Shaggy and Scooby get the same room together)
NC (vo): ...but Scooby and Shaggy share the same bed?!
NC: (looks around shiftily; still as Daphne) I mean, I know why you did it, but I still object!
(Shaggy opens his suitcase, which contains several green shirts just like the one he's wearing right now. He takes one out and holds it up in front of a mirror)
NC (vo): I like that, for dinner, Shaggy changes from a green shirt literally into another green shirt...
(In the mirror, another ghost appears, this one of a Confederate Army colonel, who reaches out to grab at Shaggy and Scooby, who run off, scared)
NC (vo): ...but it's interrupted by a ghost appearing in the mirror, scaring them away.
Velma: (looking behind mirror) Hey, look! (sees a sign behind mirror, which she reads) "Property of Colonel Jackson T. Pettigrew – 8th Louisiana".
NC: Does nobody have short names in Scooby-Doo mysteries?
(Cut to a clip of an episode of the original Scooby-Doo series, showing Velma removing a mask off the latest no-goodnik they caught, who is a red-bearded pirate captain in this case)
Velma: Let's see who's Redbeard really is...
(The real identity is revealed)
Everyone: (gasps) It's Jeff!
(Cut back to Zombie Island)
Velma: That sounds like a Civil War regiment.
Simone: There were Confederate barracks on this island.
NC (vo): Now we have Civil War ghosts fighting pirate ghosts.
(An image of a Civil War skeleton and a pirate skeleton battling is superimposed over the image briefly, with a message on it reading "Civil War Ghosts VS Pirate Ghosts")
NC (vo): Wouldn't this sound interesting over the Scooby-Doo franchise? Well, let's not have this get in the way of our dinner.
Simone: (holding a cat in her arms and scowling at Scooby) The dog will have to eat outside.
(Shaggy and Scooby have their dinner in the back seat of the Mystery Machine. Scooby looks out the window to see a whole barrage of cats in a tree, all staring at them)
Scooby: Cats! (growls at the cats)
Shaggy: It's hard to enjoy a meal with a bunch of eyes staring at you!
NC: It's okay, I've seen Sleepwalkers. Somebody in the house is just banging his mother.
Shaggy: (putting a seat belt on Scooby and himself) Like, sit tight, old buddy!
NC (vo; as Shaggy): I'm gonna kill these kitties faster than that Cats trailer!
(Shaggy turns on the van and floors it down the road, turning sharply around a curve, to shake the cats off the roof, only to run into more pirate and Confederate soldier zombies at the swamp)
NC (vo): They, of course, stumble across more spooks, as both zombie pirates and soldiers rise from the ground and chase after them.
(Their teeth chattering as the zombies climb up on the hood and look them right in their faces through the windshield, Shaggy and Scooby get out of the car and run for their lives)
NC (vo; as Shaggy): Quick, let's get out of here before we have to explain to the kids what the Civil War and slavery is!
(From inside the house, everyone else hears Shaggy and Scooby screaming. They become concerned as Simone gets up from her seat)
Simone: I told you the hauntings were just beginning.
NC: (as Simone) That's why I prepared this nice dinner!
(Everyone goes into the woods near the swamp, holding lanterns)
NC (vo): They go looking for Scooby and Shaggy to make sure nothing's happened to them.
(They then run into Beau the gardener, also holding a lantern)
Fred: So it's you!
NC: (as Fred) Old Gardener Gardener?!
Beau: Your crazy friends are screaming about zombies.
Velma: You're never around when these ghosts and zombies appear.
Fred: Now, isn't that a coincidence?
NC: (as Fred) We really believe you're behind it, which probably means you're not behind it. (becomes confused) How many times have we done this routine?
NC (vo): He starts getting pissed off at the accusations, even after saving one of their lives.
(Beau picks up a rock and lifts it into the air. Velma, who had been following and standing before him, ducks as he throws the rock, which lands in a puddle and sinks away slowly)
Velma: Thanks. (points accusingly at him) But you're still a suspect.
NC: (as Velma) Now kindly carry me over these dangerous puddles, suspect!
NC (vo): Fred and Daphne find the Mystery Machine as well as the crawfish Scooby and Shaggy ate. That seems scream-worthy.
(Sure enough, as Daphne opens the back door, she screams as crawfish shells fall out of the van and on the ground)
NC: (as Daphne) Zombies and ghosts are one thing, but seafood shells?! (puts hands on hips) I might be dumb!
NC (vo): They come across Shaggy and Scooby as well as a zombie.
(Having spotted said zombie, Daphne grabs it and throws it own the ground as Fred films everything with his camera)
Fred: That's the fakest, cheesiest mask I've ever seen!
(Daphne pries the zombie's mouth opens, hoping to get a look at the alleged suspect inside. However, the mouth snaps shut)
Daphne: But it feels real!
NC: I know, from all the dead faces I've touched in the past! Don't Google me.
Fred: (pulling on zombie's head with all his might) Maybe it's... (head breaks off in his hand; he becomes creeped out) real!
(Suddenly, he lets out a scream and throws the zombie head at Daphne like a hot potato, who in turn throws it at Shaggy)
NC: Well, I never thought I'd say this in a Scooby-Doo movie, but HOLY SHIT!
(Shaggy throws the zombie head on the ground, next to its body)
NC (vo): Even the cast of Black Cauldron would be like...
(Cut to a clip of The Black Cauldron, showing Taran)
NC (vo; as Taran): "Well, by God, Jesus! I mean... FUCK!"
(Cut back to the Scooby-Doo movie)
NC (vo): More zombies come to life as yet another inappropriate rock song plays, but honestly, the animation is so good, it has a little bit of a music video vibe to it.
(As the zombies chase the Mystery, Inc., gang around, Shaggy and Scooby going one way and Fred and Daphne going another, we hear the tune in question)
Singers (Sky Cycle): It's terror time again / And you just might die of fright!
NC: It's like if there was a (Image of a Rob Zombie doll holding a guitar appears in the corner) Rob Zombie Kids; it actually kind of jells okay.
(The following message pops up in yellow: "Plus the song is AWESOME!")
NC (vo): Scooby and Shaggy stumble across a cave where they find voodoo dolls of Fred, Velma and Daphne...
(Suddenly, as Fred, Velma and Daphne continue to run, they are lifted into the air and float there)
NC (vo): ...as they seem to move whenever they're picked up.
NC: And yeah, this scene's pretty funny.
Shaggy: (holding up the Daphne voodoo doll) This looks like Daphne.
(He extends out the arm, which causes the real Daphne to also reach out her arm against her will, accidentally slapping Fred in the face. Shaggy then extends out the doll Daphne's leg, causing the real Daphne to accidentally kick Fred in the rear)
(Velma, also controlled by her own voodoo doll, reaches her fist out and accidentally punches Beau)
Velma: (shocked at what she did) Jinkies! (Daphne backslaps Velma) Ow!
NC: (as Velma) I'll forgive you only if you do that five more times!
(Suddenly, Shaggy and Scooby spot a bunch of glowing red eyes in the darkness and they run off again, dropping the voodoo dolls on the ground in their haste. The real Fred, Velma and Daphne also fall to the ground)
NC (vo): They're eventually dropped as they make it back to the house and discover the power is off. Aw, great, this house was a pirate ship and the set for The Munsters.
NC: I had a feeling about both.
NC (vo): They come across Lena, who says the zombies dragged Simone away, but Velma doesn't quite believe her.
Velma: (pointing accusingly at Lena) I saw the footprints of Simone's heels. She wasn't dragged, (points down the tunnel where Simone went) she walked down that tunnel!
NC: (as Velma) That's why I let you...
NC (vo): ...walk us into this room where we can be easily trapped before I reveal that you're easily trapping us!
NC: (still as Velma) I specialize in solving mysteries, not the timing of when I solve them.
(In a dark room, Simone emerges, holding the voodoo dolls from earlier, which she and Lena then tie up, trapping everyone, including Beau, who had accompanied Fred, Velma and Daphne)
NC (vo): Sure enough, Simone reveals herself and uses the voodoo dolls to capture them.
Velma: (grunting as she is bound; to Beau) Sorry I suspected you.
Beau: (also grunting) Apology accepted.
NC: (as Velma) You're still a suspect. (as Beau) Seriously?!
(Suddenly, Simone turns into a werecat, with pointy ears, sharp teeth and yellow eyes. She growls menacingly at the captives, who all appropriately freak out at this sight)
NC: (also freaking out) Jesus! This really is Sleepwalkers! Except that movie was somehow less scary and more funny!
Fred: At least Scooby and Shaggy are still free.
Lena: (who has also turned into a werecat) We didn't even bother making wax dolls of them. A waste of time and magic wax.
NC: Damn, that's harsh!
NC (vo): It's like not making (A poster for the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie is superimposed) Sonic the Movie toys because you know they won't sell.
NC: It's practical, but still mean.
Simone: Every harvest moon, I must drain the life force from victims to preserve my immortality.
NC: So, really, the title of this should've been...
(The title for this movie is shown again, but with additional text that NC reads...)
NC (vo): ...Scooby-Doo on Zombie, Ghost, Crazy Cat Lady, and Somehow Confederate Soldier Island.
NC: You know, at this point, (A fan-made poster for Scooby-Doo In Castlevania! appears in the corner) Dracula could show up!
(Meanwhile, all this time, Shaggy and Scooby continue to run around and they run into Jacques, the ferry captain, who also turns into a werecat himself. Horrified at this sight, Shaggy and Scooby once again turn and run for their lives)
NC (vo): It looks like even the ferry captain is one of the cat creatures, as Simone reveals the true story of the pirate Moonscar.
(Said story is told in the form of a flashback to when all this happened, a few centuries ago. This flashback is rendered in sepia tones)
Simone: (voiceover) I was one of a group of settlers who made this island our home. We looked to our cat god for a bountiful harvest.
NC: (confused) Kind of a weird way of putting that. Isn't that kind of like saying, "We looked to our (Image of a painting of Jesus Christ appears in the corner) blitz carpenter to show us the way?"
NC (vo): Moonscar was looking for a place to bury his treasure and attacked the people, forcing them into the bayou where they were eaten by gators.
(Horrified at the pirates' raid on their land, Simone and Lena, who have hidden themselves from the pirates and thus were not driven into the bayou, both gasp)
NC: Hmm, I think I gotta play a clip from earlier...
(He takes a remote control and pushes a button. Cut to earlier in the video)
NC: Well, I never thought I'd say this in a Scooby-Doo movie, but HOLY SHIT!
NC (vo): They [Simone and Lena] pray to the cat god, who gave them feline powers...
NC: So, just to clarify, cat gods are the true religion in the Scooby-Doo universe...
(The earlier scene of Scooby chasing the cats is shown again)
NC (vo): Oh, Scooby, you're going to cat hell!
(The movie resumes, as the flashback continues with Simone and Lena, having been turned into werecats, looming menacingly over Moonscar and his crew as they bury their treasure in a deep pit, who freak out at the sight of the werecats)
NC (vo): ...and they killed all the pirates off. Over the years, they would lure people over to the island and drain their life force to stay alive...
(The flashback ends)
NC (vo): ...meaning, for a Scooby-Doo movie, this has kind of an impressive body count. (imitating Scooby) It's us or them, world! Make it them! (normal again) Just as they're about to be added to the pile, Scooby and Shaggy distract them, as Velma breaks free and quickly makes voodoo dolls of Lena and Simone.
(In trying to drain Shaggy and Scooby's life forces, the werecats suddenly find themselves forced away from their victims by voodoo dolls of their own, held by Velma and Daphne)
Daphne: You're not the only ones who like playing with dolls!
NC: (as Velma) Jinkies! Thank God I've brushed up on the horrors of the Black Arts! Don't Google me either.
NC (vo): Because they didn't drain them in time, the curse claims the cat people and... GOOD GOD!
(Simone, Lena and Jacques (who had come into the cave as well) all disintegrate into skeletons, shredding their clothes, leaving behind a few shreds of their fabric and Simone's cat pendant she had had on her neck this whole time. A FAMILY picture, people!)
NC: (as Shaggy) Like, seriously, how did we get a G out of this?!
(The zombies disintegrate as well, their souls having been avenged)
NC (vo): All the zombie spirits turn to ash as it looks like the day is saved, but nobody will believe what happened.
Beau: Don't be so sure. I'm Detective Beau Neville. Been working undercover investigating the island disappearances.
NC: (as Beau) Like you, I'm ungodly slow at doing my job.
NC (vo): He agrees to do an interview for Daphne's show as the gang gets ready to leave the island.
(Before they leave, Fred and Daphne get one last look at the bayou, with Daphne romantically holding Fred's arm)
Daphne: With all the zombies and cat creatures gone, this is a pretty romantic spot.
NC: (as Daphne) Makes me think of all the times we mentally cheated on each other. I'm totally doing that cop, by the way.
Beau: I would like to write detective stories.
Velma: I've always been crazy about a good detective...story, that is. I even own my own mystery bookstore.
Beau: No kidding.
NC (as Velma): Do you have a brother I could possibly date? (as Beau) This is ironic.
(Snakebite and his hunting pig had just caught a catfish, only for Scooby, in jumping into the Mystery Machine, to make them lose it)
NC (vo): We're reminded this guy was a character as Scooby and Shaggy have one last bite for the road.
(As Scooby begins to eat his sandwich, he notices several of Simone's cats looking at him, their eyes glowing)
NC (as Scooby): Someone didn't measure up this framing or they've all been cursed by David the Gnome's eyebrows. (Image of David the Gnome appears in the corner)
(The movie ends with an iris-out on Scooby's head)
NC: So that's said to be one of the best Scobby-Doo movies, if not the best Scooby-Doo movie. And for what it is... Yeah, it's pretty good.
(Scenes of the movies are shown as NC gives his final thoughts)
NC (vo): I mean, keep in mind, it is still a Scooby-Doo cartoon. So, it's still more kid-centered in terms of humor and character. But it does up the ante with heavily atmospheric animation, a cinematic feel, a decent mystery combining the practical and supernatural and some pretty intense creep factor as far as Scooby-Doo movies go. I don't think it's any great achievement or anything before a straight-to-video movie, a lot more effort was put into it than many would probably expect. That's nice that it can play up the darkness and take a few risks than say other Scooby-Doo property should have.
(The poster for the live-action Scooby-Doo movie is shown)
NC (vo): You know who you are.
(More footage of Zombie Island is shown)
NC (vo): So, yeah, if you're a Scooby-Doo fan, this is a pretty decent flick to check out. If you're not, I don't think this is gonna sway you. But I don't think it'll turn you off to it either. I think it has just enough of an edgy creativity to be enjoyable as long as you keep in mind the humor and characters are still primarily aimed at kids, but what's wrong with that? Go ahead and gather the little ones around the TV screen and scare the everlasting bejeezus out of them.
NC: Then that's wraps up another Nostalgia-Ween. So, next week, it probably makes sense to review something a little different. Something super, but full of wonder. Drove people batty, but what's gone in a Flash... Aquaman and Cyborg.
Channel Awesome Tagline: Talk Show Hostess: Ooh, stories like that always give me the heebie-jeebies! (shudders)
(The credits roll)