Scary Stories To Tell In the Dark

Scary stories nc.jpg

Release Date
October 28, 2020
Running Time
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(The Channel Awesome logo and 2020 Nostalgia-Ween title sequence play. Then we open on NC in his room as always, but it's dark in there, save for a fire in the middle of the room and a flashlight on his face. Bach's "Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor" plays in the background on an organ.)

NC: (scary voice) Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.

(Tamara and Malcolm are then seen, also with flashlights in front of their faces.)

Tamara: Critic, this is weird.

Malcolm: Yeah, why the hell are we doing this?

NC: Fools! Don't you know today we're discussing Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark?

Tamara: Yeah, but so what?

NC: The only way to talk about Scary Stories is to gather around a campfire and read them in the spookiest way possible. Speaking of which, where are your campfires?

Tamara: We're indoors, you psycho! We're just doing flashlights!

Malcolm: Yeah, what the hell are you burning?!

NC: (waving dismissively) Oh, you know, anything safe and controlled.

(The camera then shows where the fire is coming from: a bunch of plastic gas cans on top of a wooden dresser)

NC: Now, are we gonna start this thing or what?

Malcolm: We're waiting on you. You're the one with the book.

NC: Indeed. (takes out a book labeled "Scary Stories Treasury") Here it is, the complete "Scary Stories" collection. Here we go. (puts it on his lap, opens the book and reads) "Our story takes place decades ago when a group of geeky boys (becomes confused) and one girl are being picked on by bullies..."

Tamara: Wait, isn't that Stephen King's "It"?

NC: Yeah, that's strange. (takes page out of book and tosses it aside) How did that get in there? (looks at book again) Ah, here we go.

(An illustration of the boy in "The Big Toe", one of the actual "Scary Stories" is shown)

NC (vo): (reading) "The boy trembled with agony as the voice kept calling out, (creepy voice) 'Where's my toe?'"

NC: (wiggling his fingers) "'Where's my toe?'"

Tamara: (flatly) Ooh.

Malcolm: (also flatly) Ooh.

NC: "Then the book started writing itself and the geeky kid was (becomes confused again) shocked to find it was all happening in real life..."

Malcolm: Wait, that's "Neverending Story".

NC: What the hell's going on? (removes this page as well) Other random tales are working themselves in where they don't belong!

Tamara: Just keep going. Maybe it goes back on track.

NC: Ah, yes! Here we go. (reading) "The pale woman..."

(Cut to a shot of the illustration of the pale woman in question)

NC (vo): "...had black eyes and crept closer and closer..."

Tamara: Ooh!

Malcolm: Ooh!

NC: (becomes confused again) "Then the geeky kid said if they want to break the curse to stop the stories coming to life, they have to confront the ghoulish CGI entity..."

Malcolm: Dude, that's "Goosebumps".

NC: No, it's a different book series.

Malcolm: I mean Goosebumps: The Movie. That's the script of Goosebumps: The Movie.

NC: (taking script out) Dude, how did that even fit in there?!

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