Santa the Barbarian #1
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Released
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December 22nd, 2014
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Running time
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23:23
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Tagline
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Nothing spells Christmas like murder and mayhem.
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Link
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Linkara: (glumly, with his head on his hand) Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. You know, some things are too good to be true, like (holds up three fingers) three weeks of good comics, suggesting that maybe we'll have more good comics for a while. (chuckles, then becomes upset) Well, screw that merry Christmas, and let's dig into (holds up comic of review today) "Santa the Barbarian #1".
(Christmas version of the title sequence plays; title card is displayed to Judy Garland's version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"; open on a trading card on which this comic is apparently based)
Linkara (v/o): "Santa the Barbarian" apparently began life in 1993 as a Wizard magazine trading card.
Linkara: If it had been Mr. T on that trading card, maybe this would have had potential, but nobody else thought that, and this is why we can't have nice things.
Linkara (v/o): And somehow, this one-off, stupid joke of an idea of Santa looking vaguely battle-hardened was enough to justify a comic book released THREE YEARS LATER! And it was a Rob Liefeld idea, too. I'm shocked that anyone cared enough to keep the idea alive for a single year, much less three. However, aside from his creation of the character, he's not actually on the book in any capacity. You'd think that'd be a big plus in its favor, but of course, this was the mid-'90s, and it was Rob Liefeld's company Maximum Press. So while he himself was not working on it, everything else about the artwork resembles his style.
Linkara: I bring this up every time with "Youngblood", so naturally, I'm bringing it up here. What makes Rob Liefeld characters so appealing that it makes people want to work on them, especially when THEY'RE ALL THE SAME CHARACTER?!?
Linkara (v/o): Except, it's hard to even call Santa the Barbarian his character, because, of course, he didn't invent Santa. Hell, we can't even say they're working on his character, since it's not a character; it's a trading card photo with some dumb text about people not using chimneys anymore, somehow justifying him running around killing people!
Linkara: But I guess we should just get this over with now! (sings) Have yourselves a miserable Christmas... (scowls)
(Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)
Linkara (v/o): The cover, as you'd expect, is bland. It's the titular barbarian walking the snow, carrying an axe. Oh, and of course, his feet are knee-deep in the snow in order to avoid drawing them. You know, I think the only reason the Liefeld brand of artwork avoids feet is because they look so ridiculous with these proportions unless you made the feet huge.
(The trading card, which does show his foot, is displayed again)
Linkara (v/o): Hell, just look at the trading card's foot. Did his ankle muscles just suddenly suck in right at the end to make that thing? It's even smaller when you realize he's wearing a damn boot, and probably a thick, heavy-duty one at that.
(Back to the comic cover)
Linkara (v/o): And why the bandages on Santa's arms? Would his muscles explode out even more unless they were braced like that? Did he cut himself on all the sharp blades by accident, so he needed that many bandages?! One of his numerous, unnecessary pouches has the number 23 printed on it. Why? Is he a big fan of that number 23 conspiracy theory crap? Or are his pouches actually an advent calendar?
Linkara: Surprise! Today, (holds up his hand, shaping it like he's holding something) it's a grenade!
Linkara (v/o): We open at the North Pole, where the moon is huge and Santa lives in a rather humble-looking cottage. Man, no wonder he's so pissed off on the cover. Nobody shoveled the front walk. And of course, we have narration for this happy little tale.
Narrator: Know, O Putz...
Linkara: (confused) Know what, o dickhead?
Narrator: ...that between the time that the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and last Tuesday afternoon at three o'clock, there was an age undreamed of, when big, ugly brutes ruled the earth and stunk up the place real good.
Linkara: It's fascinating when comics from the '90s are self-aware without even realizing it. (looks up in thought)
Narrator: Hither came Santa the Barbarian, white-haired, cherry-nosed, sack in hand, a giftgiver, a milk and cookie eater, a chimney freak...
Linkara: ...spokesman for Coca-Cola, sometimes a samurai...
Narrator: ...with gigantic girth and a big fat butt, to spread good cheer and reindeer poop across the shining kingdoms.
Linkara: I don't think those two things go hand-in-hand.
Linkara (v/o): Aaaaand Santa's face. (...which is in a raging snarl and covering the whole page)
Santa: I SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING! I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE!
Linkara: (as Santa, his face covering the camera in imitation of Santa) I INVADE YOUR PERSONAL SPACE!
Linkara (v/o): He's berating the elves, who are apparently complaining about being overworked, and that he demands they hand over the "nice" list.
Elf 1: That's what I've been trying to tell you, sir! That 3x5 card... contains the entire "nice" list!
Linkara: So the combined totals of almost every child on Earth were so bad as to not deserve presents? What sort of hellish nightmare world is this?!
Elf 2: (dopey expression, with his tongue hanging out) Didja check it twice? Heh heh.
Linkara (v/o): What is wrong with your face?! Were you originally a squash brought to life?! Why is your tongue hanging out?!
Elf 2: Little joke there.
Linkara: Very little.
Santa: And the "naughty" list?
Elf 3: We just finished it, Santa--and I've got the writer's cramp to prove it!
Linkara (v/o): And we see that the "naughty" list is so long that it's burying this elf.
Linkara: The end result of all Internet comment sections.
Elf 3: Looks like the old lump-of-coal-in-the-stocking shtick has lost some of its deterrent factor!
Linkara: That's what you get when you're providing people with an energy source. You want to punish naughty kids? Give them some ranch dressing in a paper bag or a used toothbrush or something.
Linkara (v/o): Santa decides he has to be a bit more radical in his approach and– Good Lord, Santa's NOSE! Was he in a fight or something? It's not like something out of the songs and poems and crap, it looks like he's sunburnt his nose or has some kind of infection or something. Anyway, his radical approach: to get weapons and stuff.
Santa: They should've watched out!
Linkara: Well, maybe if you didn't keep your existence a secret...
(The panel shows an elf smiling a dopey smile)
Linkara (v/o): Also, this elf is really into this. It's kind of creepy actually.
Santa: They shouldn't have cried!
Linkara: (as Santa) Your tears are weakness! Never express emotions!
Santa: I warned 'em not to pout!
Linkara: Actually, John Frederick Coots and Haven Gillespie did, but yeah, let's pretend Santa invented the song. (shrugs)
Elf 1: Look how his belly shakes when he's bloodthirsty!
Elf 2: Yeah-- just like a bowlful of jelly!
Linkara (v/o): Given their expressions, it looks like the elves are ready to embrace cannibalism.
Santa: Now Santa Claus is going to town on their sorry butts! Me and my sacred battle-axe-- "St. Nick"!
Linkara: (incredulously) You named your axe after yourself?! Oh, hey! (holds up Power Rangers dagger) Have you seen my dagger, "Lewis"?!
Elf: Shave 'em down with your mighty twin blade, Santa!
Linkara (v/o): Oh, come on! That wasn't even a holiday joke or a pun! What is this?! What even is this?!? So, Santa is gonna go murder some children?!
Elves: You da MAN!
Linkara (v/o): WHY ARE YOU ALL HAPPY ABOUT THIS?!?! Santa runs off to the reindeer... of which there is only one.
Santa: But what is this? Rudolph, where are your eight brothers?
Linkara: (incredulously) Rudolph was the brother of the other reindeer this whole time?! (shrugs) Hmm. Man, I'm learning so much about the canon that I never knew before.
Rudolph: We got a hold of some wicked bad chili, Santa!
Linkara (v/o): I guess that explains why instead of a red nose, Rudolph instead expels fire from his otherwise normal nose, unless Santa stole Rudolph's nose and put it over his own like a clown nose. It certainly makes more sense than anything else. Rudolph implies that he can get Santa around under the power of his flatulence. Yippee-skippee.
Linkara: Do we have Doctor Who and his magic box helping out Santa again? I miss that.
Linkara (v/o): And so, they fly off into the night.
(Cut to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang watching Prince of Space)
Crow: Goodbye, unfunny weird man!
(Cut back to the comic)
Rudolph: Same itinerary as last year, Santa? Uh... Santa?
Linkara: Oh, God, he's gonna sing, isn't he?!
Linkara (v/o): No, but we are gonna get silence, aside from narration. Although, look at Santa's eye in this panel. (it is blank white) That's the problem, he's been infected with Youngblood's Disease!
Narrator: Twas the Night before Christmas / And it was Santa's intention / To kill every last soul / Even those on a pension!
Linkara: (incredulously) So he's going after retired people?! What is your problem, asshole?! What did the old people do that was so naughty?!
Linkara (v/o): He first goes to the town of... Gamora? What, did Santa not like Guardians of the Galaxy or something? Oh, wait, I'm sure it's supposed to be "Gomorrah", as in "Sodom and".
Linkara: (sarcastically giving a thumbs-up) Awesome! Evidence that the creators can't even spell correctly! (scowls)
Linkara (v/o): And what the hell time does this take place in then? Are we in Biblical times? Is this supposed to be a modern city called that? Why would you call it that?! What possible good would come from naming your city that?! What morons founded this place?! And what is even the joke here? Oh, it's the city of Gomorrah, even though it's not! And they must be sinful! And the rest of the world is like this?! What?! And if this is supposed to be the Biblical Gomorrah, I'm a little curious what actually qualifies them for the naughty list. Even scholars today argue what the sins Sodom and Gomorrah actually committed are. And I'm pretty sure Santa Claus wasn't involved in their destruction!
Linkara: At least, not in my copy of the Bible. Or perhaps I missed the part about the axe-wielding guy from the North Pole and his reindeer with fiery nostrils! Perhaps something in the Septuagint.
Narrator: He started with my house / Which was really bad luck / 'Cause Santa could hit you / Like a freakin' Mack Truck!
Linkara: At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck if it means I could stop reading this.
Linkara (v/o): On that note of "luck", did Santa just pick this house at random? For that matter, why the hell is he attacking adults?! Santa's a guy who delivers gifts to CHILDREN! You don't see Santa taking on international crime cartels!
Linkara: (looking up in thought) Although, come to think of it, we really should see that more often.
Narrator: When he swore to impale me / With his knives to the wall / I dashed away / Dashed away / Dashed away down the hall!
Linkara: That rhyme was lazy! It did hurt my head. Let this crap just end, so I'll go to bed.
Linkara (v/o): I would do the rest of the review in rhyme, but honestly, this thing doesn't deserve that amount of effort. Why does this guy have pouches? He's just random-ass guy in shirt and jeans! What is his crime?! Why does he deserve a freaking knife in his back?! Yeah, Santa throws a knife at the guy, then shoves a piece of coal in his mouth, lights it, and runs off!
Linkara: Look, I'm not against dark humor regarding a killer Santa Claus. I've used (makes "finger quotes") "The Night Santa Went Crazy" as the end credits music several times now on this show. But there's nothing funny here! It's just some asshole killing random people for no reason!
Linkara (v/o): And for God's sakes, in this panel, it even looks like the skin on his nose is missing, and we're looking at the muscle tissue underneath! Who decided this was a good idea?! Although, the coal thing kind of confuses me, since it looks like he's actually stuffing an Oreo in his mouth. So, yeah, Santa murders some people, whom we don't know who they are, and we end the stupid "Night Before Christmas" parody with him standing over a pile of bodies all impaled on a huge sword.
Santa: Happy Christmas to all... and to all a BIG KNIFE!
Impaled man: (dying) Just... what... I... wanted...
Linkara: (stunned) You... You wanted a big knife? You wanted to be impaled?! You wanted to be laying on top of a guy with his tongue hanging out (a shot of said guy from the comic is shown, looking suspiciously like Hitler) for some reason? WHY AM I TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF THIS?!
Linkara (v/o): Oh, but it seems like I spoke too soon. Part two, "The Night Before Xmas", continues the "Night Before Christmas" poem parody. Or starts a second one, because this is so devoid of anything creative. Both writers apparently went to the well for the exact same material!
Narration: 'Twas the night before Christmas / And all through the land / Not a creature was stirring / Not even "The Man"...
Linkara: Who is the authority figure in this world when Santa can just go around murdering people?
Linkara (v/o): I don't know which artwork is worse, the more Liefeld-esque stuff from the first story, or the stuff here, which also has crappy proportions, but tries to stylize it with heavy inks to the point where everything looks muddy and splotchy. Anyway, Santa travels through the Arctic as the narrator tells us about how rhyming is hard.
Narrator: I'm almost out of synonyms / This rhyming's for the birds / If the rest of this is cheesy, / It's because I'm out of words...
Linkara: (angrily) I wrote a 3,600-word review of a "Star Trek" comic and did it entirely in rhyme! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND THINK OF SOME COUPLETS, YOU SLACKER!!
Linkara (v/o): Arriving at what I think is a small village, Santa is– OH, GOD, THOSE EYES!!! SANTA'S A TERMINATOR!! Of course! This all makes sense now! SkyNet sent him back in time to ruin Christmas for everyone! Unfortunately, I doubt we're gonna see his comeuppance! He's confronted by a large group of elves... who look suspiciously like very young children... who are protesting him as a tyrant who made them into slave labor.
Linkara: What's sad is that these guys came here trying to escape the greed and tyranny of the Mirkwood Elves.
Linkara (v/o): To be fair to the rhyming, even I complained about difficult rhymes at points, and this guy actually comes up with a few clever ones. However, it's completely undone by the artwork, either by the bizarre, glassy-eyed elves, or the scenes of what appears to be Santa literally tearing apart the elves! I mean, that's what it looks like with all these specks of ink! It looks like a blood splatter! Santa, being a friggin' behemoth, manages to beat the crap out of the elves until they unveil their secret weapon: a robot called TANK.
Narrator: As I've said before, / This rhyming thing really stinks / I think that I'll stop now / Talking this way worries my therapist / (a red arrow points to the word "therapist" with these words...) Heh? Shrink!
(Linkara glowers darkly at the camera before cutting to a clip of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang watching Hobgoblins)
Crow: If part of me is laughing, then it's the part of me that hates life.
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): So the two battle... I guess, since we never get to see it, of course.
Linkara: And that is just bullcrap! Christmas is not complete until (holds up index and middle finger) two killer robots fight each other!
Linkara (v/o): And next, we see an elf delivering presents to some kids, all with more ink specks everywhere to really make this look dirty. I haven't seen this much random splashing since "Holy Terror". And so, our comic ends with Santa on a throne and some woman sitting at the base of it, glowing and throwing her spine out of alignment.
Narrator: This is the end / Of this grand Christmas tale / Merry Christmas to all / Please don't send me hate letters / (a red arrow points to the word "letters" with these words...) Whoops! Mail!
Linkara: (yelling) WHY DID YOU DO THAT TWICE?! YOU ARE DELIBERATELY SABOTAGING YOUR RHYMING SCHEME! Not that it matters anyway, (closes the comic and holds it up angrily) because THIS COMIC SUUUUUUCKS!!
Linkara (v/o): I don't think I can properly convey just how bad this comic is. I'm still not entirely certain what the hell I just read. There is no narrative structure to either story: Santa is pissed and kills people, and even then, it's only implied in the second story, which I'm even more confused about what's going on if it's the same Santa as the first story or an alternate take on the same idea. We don't even get to see him fighting the robot that's supposed to be their last hope! His actions make no sense in either case, since even the idea of Santa wanting to punish evildoers is lacking motivation since the naughty and nice lists are based on KIDS, not adults doing purportedly evil things that we never see!
(Cut to a shot of a poster for a movie called Super-Powered Revenge Christmas)
Linkara (v/o): Look, here is your holiday recommendation for something that both parodies and celebrates Santa in all of this time of the year: Super-Powered Revenge Christmas by MST3K alumni [sic] Bill Corbett. It's funny, it's exciting, and it's heartwarming.
(Cut back to the "Barbarian" comic one more time)
Linkara (v/o): As opposed to this piece of crap, which is not funny, not interesting, and most especially, is not fun.
Linkara: And I think, of all the things during this season, we really do need to remind ourselves of that point: Christmas and the holiday season should be fun. They should be a time when we are enjoying ourselves. And the first step to enjoying ourselves (holds up comic again, becomes angry again) IS NOT READING THIS GARBAGE!! GAH! (throws down comic, gets up and leaves)
(End credits roll)
If Santa DID steal Rudolph's nose, does it still light up? Or, if he's actually a Terminator, can his nose shoot lasers out of it?
I'd like to think Terminator Santa is the real reason behind the changed timeline of Terminator: Genisys.
(Stinger: Linkara walks out in the middle of the room, holding his magic gun)
Linkara: Okay, is everybody ready?
Pollo: Ready.
Jaeris: (hiding around the corner) Ready, willing and able.
Linkara: All right. Nimue, beam her in.
(Pollo and Jaeris ready their weapons as the mysterious woman suddenly appears in the room)
Woman: (looking around) The hell?
Linkara: (aiming his gun at her) You are surrounded! Lay down your weapons or you will be fired upon!
Woman: (aiming her own gun at him) It'll be a cold day in Hell before I get stopped by a dirty trick like this. (Jaeris looks at the woman, surprised) How about this: you surrender, and I don't shoot this place so full of holes that you'll think it's an Uwe Boll plot.
Jaeris: (surprised) Joanna?
Joanna: (looking around and seeing Jaeris) Jaeris? (takes off her sunglasses)
(Jaeris walks up to Joanna and kisses her. Linkara stares, utterly dumbfounded)
Jaeris: How-How-How-How did– How did you– How are you– How are you–
Joanna: We won! We won! (Linkara and Pollo stare at them and each other) I tried to contact you, but the signal never got through. And there was this– There was this gun that fired Hitlers, and there was fire and cake, and–
Jaeris: Wait, wait, we won?!
Joanna: We won!
Jaeris: Well...
Joanna: Yeah!
Jaeris: ...how did you–
Joanna: I missed you so much!
Linkara: (feeling uncomfortable) So, uh... am... I putting out an extra spot at dinner, or...?
Jaeris: Linkara, this is Joanna! My wife! (they cross their guns together)
Linkara: So that's a yes?
Pollo: I'm not buying any more presents; you'll have to share the George Foreman Grill.
(Later, Jaeris is seated on the futon with Linkara)
Jaeris: So with political support falling away, and the inability to pay for the military or police, the whole system just sort of fell apart. Members of the resistance got into office and we worked and fixed everything since then.
Linkara: So, you never needed to steal guns at all! That kinda sucks.
Jaeris: Well, I would go all angsty, but you have to forgive me if I don't give a damn because I get to see my wife again.
Linkara: What are you gonna do with all the other guns?
Jaeris: Well, I might not be able to stay in my home universe, but on the way back we're gonna stop off at every place I visited and leave a little gift under their Christmas trees. You know, all them guns I stole. (Linkara nods) Shouldn't be any problems.
Linkara: (holds up index finger) Ah! Yeah, about that whole "staying in your home universe" thing, man... uh...
(He digs into his pocket, pulls something out, and gives it to Jaeris)
Jaeris: (looking at what Linkara gave him) Is that...
Linkara: A new anchor? Yep. I've had Dr. Linksano working on it around the clock. I figure that when we found your home universe, you'd want to stay there. It should acclimate your body to your home universe again as soon as you step in.
Jaeris: Dude, I... (stares at anchor) I-I don't... I don't even know what to–
Linkara: Aw, it's no big deal, man. I just–
(Suddenly, Jaeris grabs him and hugs him tightly. Linkara looks confused, then awkwardly pats Jaeris on the back)
Linkara: You do realize people are gonna write fanfics about this?
Jaeris: The hell do I care? I ain't gonna be around to read 'em.
(They stop hugging and pull back; Linkara adjusts his vest)
Linkara: You're gonna stay for Christmas, though, right?
Jaeris: Well, Christmas Eve, anyway. You know, we want to be home the day itself to celebrate with our friends.
Linkara: Then I'll let you go for now. See you in a bit, sir.
(Jaeris gets up from his seat, then starts to walk away. He stares at the anchor, then looks back at Linkara)
Jaeris: Thanks. For everything, man.
Linkara: You do remember that I'm the guy who stranded you here in the first place, right?
Jaeris: Yeah. Up yours. Thanks, but, you know, mostly up yours.
Linkara: Merry Christmas, man.
(Jaeris stares silently, then holds up the anchor. He is then teleported out of the room)
(end)
Atop the Fourth Wall Transcripts
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Marville 1 · Miller Time: Robocop vs. the Terminator 1 · Brute Force 3 · 15 Things That Are Wrong With Identity Crisis · New Guardians 1 · Gameboy 2 · Youngblood 4 · Star Trek III: The Search for Spock · Mr. T 1 (AP Comics) · Mr. T 2 · The Amazing Spider-Man and Captain America in Dr. Doom's Revenge! · The Invincible Four of Kung-Fu & Ninja 1 · Kamandi at Earth's End 2 · Black Web 1 · Transformers: Generation 2 1 · Captain Tax Time 1 · Superman 701 · Bloodstrike 1 · Marville 2 · The Amazing Spider-Man on Bullying Prevention 1 · The New Teen Titans Anti-Drug Giveaway 1 · Daredevil vs Vapora 1 · Batman: A Word to the Wise · Marvel Team-Up 74 · Blake's 7 2 · Battle for Bludhaven 1-2 · Battle for Bludhaven 3-4 · Battle for Bludhaven 5-6 · Sir Charles Barkley and the Referee Murders · Captain Electron 1 · Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home · 200th Episode · Rock 'N Roll 31 · Future Shock 1 · Catwoman: Guardian of Gotham 1 · Catwoman: Guardian of Gotham 2 · Psychoman 1 · Marville 3 · Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: The Answer to a Riddle · Batman: Jazz 1 · Starstream 1 · The Thing From Another World 1 · The Thing From Another World 2 · Spider-Man: Power and Responsibility · Bart Simpson's Treehouse of Horror 2 · Flash Comics 1 · Tales of Suspense 39 · The Brave and the Bold 54 · The Incredible Hulk 1 · Superman's Christmas Adventure · Archie Giant Series Magazine 452 · Teen Titans 13: A Swingin' Christmas Carol · Batman: Noel · The Next 15 Screw-Ups of Atop the Fourth Wall
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2013:
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Kamandi at Earth's End 3 · Raver 1 · Transformers 31 · Happy Days 2 · All-Star Batman and Robin 5 · Youngblood 5 · Star Wars 3-D 1 · Marville #4 · Titans Retrospective: Team History · Titans Retrospective: JLA/Titans: The Technis Imperative · Titans Retrospective: Titans 1-25 · Titans Retrospective: Titans 26-50 · Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster · Power Pachyderms 1 · Star Trek V: The Final Frontier · Dragnet 4 · Wild Thing 1 · Spider-Man 2099 1 · Punisher 2099 1 · Doom 2099 1 · Ravage 2099 1 · Comic Book Quickies 1 · Kamandi at Earth's End 4 · SCI-Spy 3 · Star Trek: The Next Generation/X-Men 1 · Mr. T and the T-Force 2 · Miller Time: All-Star Batman and Robin 6 · Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: A Deadly Choice · Battlestar Galactica: Journey's End 1 · Marville 5 · Miller Time: Tales to Offend 1 · The Culling: Teen Titans Annual 1 · The Culling: Superboy 9 · The Culling: Legion Lost 9 · The Culling: Teen Titans 9 · Plan 9 From Outer Space: 30 Years Later 1 · Brute Force 4 · Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country · SCI-Spy 4 · The Thing From Another World: Climate of Fear 1-2 · The Thing From Another World: Climate of Fear 3-4 · Spider-Man: Crossfire · 2001: A Space Odyssey 1 · Showcase 4 · Tales to Astonish 27 · Showcase 22 · Journey into Mystery 83 · The Punisher: Silent Night 1 · Solson Christmas Special featuring Samurai Santa 1 · Star Trek: The Next Generation 2 · Doctor Who Classic Comics 15 · The Next 15 Missed Opportunities of AT4W
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2014:
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Marville 6-7 · Comic Book Quickies 2 · Miller Time: All-Star Batman and Robin 7 · Preparedness 101: A Zombie Pandemic · Gameboy 3 · US-1 3 · Youngblood 6 · Star Trek: Generations · The A-Team 1 · The Wild 1 · Kamandi at Earth's End 5 · Nova Girls: Kissing Canvas · Avengers 200 · SCI-Spy 5 · Red Hood and the Outlaws 1 · Athena 2 · Bill and Ted's Excellent Comic Book 1 · Zolastraya and the Bard 1 · PSA Hell: Superman: For the Animals 1 · Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos 2 · Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie 1 · Speed Steer 5 · Batman: Jazz 2 · 2001: A Space Odyssey 2 · Comic Book Quickies 3 · 300th Episode · 300th Episode: Part 2 · 300th Episode: Part 3 · Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters 1 · Batman: Shadow of the Bat 56 · Sinnamon 1 · US-1 4 · The Adventures of Jell-O Man and Wobbly 1 · Miller Time: All-Star Batman and Robin 8 · Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: The Computer That Said No to Drugs · Marvel Super Special 17 · SCI-Spy 6 · Kamandi at Earth's End 6 · Sonic Super Special 7 · Star Trek: First Contact · Cosmic Slam 1 · The Thing from Another World: Eternal Vows 1-2 · The Thing from Another World: Eternal Vows 3-4 · The Thing from Another World: Questionable Research · Spider-Man: The Trial of Peter Parker · Whiz Comics 2 · Tales to Astonish 44 · Detective Comics 38 · The Avengers 1 · The Hobbit 1 · The Hobbit 2 · The Hobbit 3 · Santa the Barbarian 1 · Top 15 Worst Comics I've Reviewed
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2015:
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Miller Time: All-Star Batman and Robin 9 · Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters 2 · Trouble 1 · Comic Book Quickies 4 · PSA Hell: Energy and Safety with the Justice League · Youngblood 7 · ROMTROSPECTIVE: ROM Spaceknight 1-40 · ROMTROSPECTIVE: ROM Spaceknight 41-75 · The Star Wars 1 · Batman: Jazz 3 · Mr. T and the T-Force 3 · Big Bang Presents 3: Protoplasman! · Crimson 1 · Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines (RPG Game) · Titans: Scissors, Paper, Stone · PSA Hell: Batman: Shadow of the Bat 57 · Comic Book Quickies 5 · Avengers Assemble Featuring Captain Citrus 1 · Doctor Who/Star Trek: The Next Generation: Assimilation Squared · My Cage · The Punisher 60 · The Punisher 61 & 62 · Steam Wars · Ultimate Power 1-2 · Homestuck, Act 1 · Atomic Robo, Vol. 3 · Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating Superman · Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating Batman · Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating Wonder Woman · Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating The Flash · Zyuranger Episodes 17-22 · Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: The Computer Trap · Trouble 2 · Pokémon Reburst, Chapter 1 · Green Lantern 23.1 · Team Youngblood 1 · US-1 5 · The Star Wars 2 · Power Man and Iron Fist 79 · Nightmares on Elm Street 1-2 · Nightmares on Elm Street 3-4 · Nightmares on Elm Street 5-6 · Spider-Man: Virtual Mortality · More Fun Comics 73 · Daredevil 1 · Action Comics 252 · Tales of Suspense 52 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 1 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 2 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 3 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 4 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 5 · Deadpool Bi-Annual 1 · Cho Dengeki Stryker · Zombies Christmas Carol 1-3 · Zombies Christmas Carol 4-5 · Another 15 Missed Opportunities of AT4W
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2016:
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NFL SuperPro Special Edition 1 · Popeye: Borned to the Sea 1 · OnStar Batman Auto Show Special Edition 1 · Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters 3 · The Star Wars 3 · Youngblood 8 · All-Star Batman and Robin 10 · Pokémon Adventures Ch. 1-2 · Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger Episodes 1-5 · Blue-Skying, Part 1: Blue Beetle Dan Garrett · Blue-Skying, Part 2: Blue Beetle Ted Kord · Blue-Skying, Part 3: Blue Beetle Jaime Reyes · Blue-Skying, Part 4: Blue Beetle Jaime Reyes New 52 · Star Trek Special: Flesh and Stone · Blackest Night 1-8 · Dart 1 · Batman: Shadow of the Bat 58 · The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky · Ultimate Power 3 · Star Trek: The Next Generation 3 · Comic Book Quickies 6 · 400th Episode · 400th Episode: Part 2 · Superman vs. the Amazing Spider-Man · Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day 1 · Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day 2 · Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day 3 · 15 Things Wrong With Marvel's Civil War · Star Trek: Deep Space Nine 1 · The Minister of Chance · US-1 6 · Star Trek: Voyager 1 · Unsounded, Chapter 1 · Biggles and the Menace from Space · Batman and Robin: The Official Comic Adaptation · Superman and the TRS-80 Computer Whiz Kids: Victory by Computer · Star Trek/Green Lantern: The Spectrum War · My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic 27-28 · Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Ch. 1 · Pryde of the X-Men · A Nightmare on Elm Street: Paranoid 1 · A Nightmare on Elm Street: Paranoid 2 · A Nightmare on Elm Street: Paranoid 3 · Spider-Man: Cyberwar · The Real Ghostbusters in Ghostbusters II 1-3 · Strange Tales 110 · More Fun Comics 73: Aquaman · Tales of Suspense 57 · All-Star Comics 3 · My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic 2015 Holiday Special · Ghostbusters: Past, Present, and Future · Elvira's House of Mystery Special 1 · Another 15 Screw-Ups of AT4W
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2017:
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Digimon: Digital Monsters 1 · Phonogram: The Immaterial Girl 1-6 · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1 · Trouble 3 · The Star Wars 4 · Spectacular Spider-Man Episode 1x10 - "Persona" · Youngblood 9 · The A-Team 2 · The Batman/Superman Movie: World's Finest · See You Next Mirror: Exiles Retrospective, Part 1 · See You Next Mirror: Exiles Retrospective, Part 2 · Reagan's Raiders 1 · Fist of the North Star, Ch. 1 · Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters 4 · Iron Man: The Animated Series - The Wedding of Iron Man · Athena 3 · Batman: The Dark Knight 1-3 · The New Teen Titans Anti-Drug Giveaway 2 · Crisis on Infinite Earths · Secret Wars (1984) · The Infinity Gauntlet · Flashpoint · Babylon 5 1 · The Star Wars 5 · All-New Ghost Rider, Volume 2 · Robocop vs. the Terminator 2 · Superman vs. the Terminator 2 · Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: News By Computer Foils Kidnappers · Ultimate Power 4 · Delicious in Dungeon, Vol. 1 · Batman: Odyssey 1 · Asterix: The Legionary · Comic Book Quickies 7 · JoJo's Bizarre Adventures Episodes 1-4 (2012-2013 series) · Thunderbirds Are Go · Batman: The Official Movie Adaptation · Ultimate Iron Man Vol. 1 1-2 · My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic 11-12 · Stormwatch 0 · A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Beginning 1-2 · A Nightmare on Elm Street: Fearbook · New Line Cinema's Tales of Horror 1 · The Sensational Spider-Man 0 · Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash · Marvel Comics 1 · Brave and the Bold 28 · Kamen Rider Fourze Episodes 1-4 · Clive Barker's Hellraiser Dark Holiday Special · Sensation Comics 14: The Story of Fir Balsam · Steam Wars Holiday Special · Christmas with the Superheroes 2
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2018:
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My Top 15 Favorite Episodes of AT4W · Legion of Superheroes: The Great Darkness Saga · James Bond, Jr. 1 · JLA/Avengers · Homestuck, Act 2 · Isaac Asimov's I-Bots 1 · Thunderstrike 1 · Youngblood 10 · Badrock 1A · Event Comics Month II: Infinite Crisis · Event Comics Month II: Infinity War · Event Comics Month II: World War Hulk · Event Comics Month II: Final Crisis · Power Rangers Turbo vs. Beetleborgs Metallix 1 · Diesel 1 · Teen Titans: "Betrayal" and "Aftershock, Parts 1 and 2" · The Punisher: Purgatory · Comic Book Quickies 8 · 500th Episode · Dark Knight III: The Master Race 1-2 · Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating Green Lantern · The New Guardians 3 · US-1 7 · Nova Girls: Space 34-24-34 · Batman: Odyssey 2 · Star Wars 3-D 2 · Pokémon - The Electric Tale of Pikachu 3 · PSA Hell: Captain America Meets the Asthma Monster · Superman and Spider-Man · Amazing Cow Heroes 4: Cold Cuts · Ravage 2099 2 · Adventures of the Kool-Aid Man 2 · Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: Safeguarding the Environment · Mr. T and the T-Force 4 · Star Trek 2 (DC) · Star Trek (2009): The Official Motion Picture Adaptation · Star Trek: The Next Generation 4 · Star Trek 1 (Gold Key) · Silent Hill: Hunger · The Thing: The Northern Nightmare · Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash: The Nightmare Warriors · Spider-Man: Smoke and Mirrors · Hellraiser: Hell on Earth · Fantastic Four 52 · Marvel Comics 1 (The Human Torch) · The Incredible Hulk 181 · The New Mutants 98 · Batman Returns: The Official Comic Adaptation · The Punisher: Red X-Mas · Star Wars: The Force Awakens Comic Adaptation · Luke Cage, Hero for Hire 7
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2019:
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Yet Another 15 Missed Opportunities of AT4W · Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters 5 · Batman/Aliens 1 · Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel · Pokémon 15x19-20 "Cilan Takes Flight" and "An Amazing Aerial Battle" · Tomb Raider Vol. 3: Queen of Serpents · Little Victory: Chimera 1 · Youngblood 0 · Kickers, Inc. 1 · The Savage Dragon 1 · Darkwing Duck 1-4 · The California Raisins 3-D 5 · Hellstar Remina, Ch. 1-3 · Gallery of Horrors · Batman: The Dark Knight 16-17 · Tremors · Ultimate Power 5-6 · Batman Forever: The Official Comic Adaptation · Street Fighter: The Official Comic Adaptation · Catwoman: The Official Comic Adaptation · Dune: The Official Comic Adaptation · Superman IV: The Quest for Peace Movie Special · Justice is Silent: Cassandra Caintrospective, Part 1 · Justice is Silent: Cassandra Caintrospective, Part 2 · Justice is Silent: Cassandra Caintrospective, Part 3 · US-1 8 · Tandy Computer Whiz Kids: Community Action Program · Captain America Goes to War Against Drugs · Comic Book Swimsuit Issues · Batman 45-47: The Gift · Star Trek: The Next Generation 5 · The A-Team 3 · JoJo's Bizarre Adventures Episodes 5-9 · Trouble 4 · Franken Fran, Ch. 1 and 4 · Youngblood: Judgment Day · Teen Titans 27-28 · Clive Barker's Hellraiser 1 · Clive Barker's Hellraiser Summer Special · Clive Barker's Hellraiser Spring Slaughter · Spider-Man: The Exile Returns · Detective Comics 225 (Martian Manhunter) · Batman: Harley Quinn 1 · DC Comics Presents 26 · The Flash 123 · Evil Dead 2: A Merry Deadmite X-Mas · Transformers (UK) 145 · The All-New Batman: The Brave and the Bold 14 · Star Wars: The Last Jedi Comic Adaptation
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2020:
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Top 15 Dumbest Evil Plans of AT4W · Batman/Aliens 2 · Star vs. the Forces of Evil: Deep Trouble 1-4 · Megamind · Revolution · Superman vs. Muhammad Ali · Hellstar Remina, Ch. 4-6 · Youngblood: Strikefile 1 · Comic Book Quickies 9 · Black Panther, Vol. 4 1-6 · Batman: Odyssey 3 · Justice League/Mighty Morphin Power Rangers · The Champions, Vol. 3 1-4: Beat the Devil · Star Trek vs. Transformers · Athena 4 · Daredevil: Born Again · Action Comics 775 · Comic Book Quickies 10 · 600th Episode · Star Wars: The Phantom Menace Comic Adaptation · Star Wars: Attack of the Clones Comic Adaptation · Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Comic Adaptation · Star Wars: Rogue One Comic Adaptation · DC Challenge! 1 · Kyoryu Sentai Zyurangers Episodes 40-43 · Trouble 5 · Dan Dare: Voyage to Venus · Superman 358 · Zero Hour: Crisis in Time · House of M · Secret Empire · Heroes in Crisis · Animax 1 · Ninjutsu 1-2 · Green Goblin 1-2, 4, 8, 12-13 · US-1 9 · Emergency! 1 · Mr. T and the T-Force 5 · Pinhead 1-3 · Pinhead 4-6 · Pinhead vs. Marshal Law · Spider-Man: Web of Life · Marvel Super-Heroes 12 (Captain Marvel) · The Flash 110 · The Amazing Spider-Man 129 · Awesome Comics Holiday Special · Transformers (UK) 41 · Solo: A Star Wars Story Comic Adaptation
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2021:
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Yet Another 15 Screw-Ups of AT4W · Star Trek Book and Record Set: Dinosaur Planet · DC Challenge! 2 · The Mighty Heroes 1 · Justice League 1x01-3: Secret Origins · The Star Wars 6 · The King of Braves GaoGaiGar Ep. 1-4 · Youngblood: Strikefile 2 · Pokémon 15×01-02: "Enter Elesa, Electrifying Gym Leader" & "Dazzling the Nimbasa Gym" · Stanley and his Monster 1-4 · Marvel Than Meets the Eye: The Transformers 1-40 · Marvel Than Meets the Eye: Transformers 41-80 · Marvel Than Meets the Eye: Generation 2 and Regeneration One · Star Trek 9 (Gold Key) · Star Trek/Legion of Superheroes · Mystery Science Theater 3000 1 · Batman: The Dark Knight Returns · Ultimate Power 7-8 · Batman: The Dark Knight 23.4 · Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating Aquaman · Sword Interval: Flashback Arc · PSA Hell: The Amazing Spider-Man: Riot at Robotworld · Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (Ultimate Edition) · Transformers/Ghostbusters: Ghosts of Cybertron · The New Guardians 4 · Codename: Ninja 1 · Batman: Hush · Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger Ep. 15-16 · Mr. T and the T-Force 6 · Doom’s IV 1 · Batman and Elmer Fudd & Catwoman and Sylvester and Tweety · Batman: Odyssey 4 · The Dresden Files: Storm Front, Vol. 1 · US-1 10 · Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters 6 · DC Challenge! 3 · Marvel Super Special 1: KISS · The Ring, Vol. 1 · The Ring, Vol. 2 · Spider-Man: Web of Death · Detective Comics 359 · The X-Men 4 · Batman 1 · Spider-Man Holiday Special 1995 · The Adventures of Chrissie Claus 1 · Christmas Quickies 1 · Still Another 15 Missed Opportunities of AT4W
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2022:
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Ultimate Power 9 · The Adventures of Superboy 3x05-06 and 4x07-08 · Batman: The Killing Joke Adaptation · Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating the JLA · Chew: Poyo Character Focus · Youngblood: Strikefile 3 · Doctor Who: Logopolis · Armageddon 2001 · Secret Invasion · Civil War II · Dark Nights: Metal · The Star Wars 7 · Sonic the Hedgehog: Tangle and Whisper · Star Trek: The Next Generation/X-Men: Planet X · Stargate SG-1: P.O.W. · Man of Steel · Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters 7 · Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger Episodes 17-21 · US-1 11 · X-Men Green · Spider-Man: Maximum Carnage · DC Challenge! 4 · Comic Book Quickies 11 · 700th Episode · Ken Penders' The Lost Ones 1 · Star Wars Infinities: A New Hope · Transformers: Deviations · Legion of Superheroes 0 and Legionnaires 0 · Mr. T and the T-Force 7 · The Ring, Vol. 3: Spiral · The Ring, Vol. 4: Birthday · Spider-Man: Funeral for an Octopus · Christmas Quickies 2 · Batman 27: A Christmas Peril · Mr. T and Emmanuel Lewis in A Christmas Dream · Top 15 Goofiest Superheroes of Atop the Fourth Wall
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2023:
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Star Wars: A New Hope Comic Adaptation · Marvelman Family's Finest 1 · Superman vs. Aliens 1 · Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney · Hellblazer: Dangerous Habits · Youngblood: Strikefile 4 · What Dreams May Come, Part 1: The Sandman 1-20 · What Dreams May Come, Part 2: The Sandman 21-40 · What Dreams May Come, Part 3: The Sandman 41-60 · What Dreams May Come, Part 4: The Sandman 61-75 · Animax 2 · The Dome: Ground Zero · Action Comics 1 (Non-Superman Stories) · Transformers (UK) 132-134 · Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating Robin · Mr. T and the T-Force 8 · The Dresden Files: Storm Front, Vol. 2: Maelstrom · Captain Marvel: The Last Avenger · E-Robot, Ch. 1 · Overwatch: Legacy and Old Soldiers · Green Lantern: Emerald Twilight · Back to the Future: Who is Marty McFly? · Super Soldier 1 · Legends of the Dark Claw 1 · Spider-Boy 1 · Assassins 1 · DC Challenge! 5 · US-1 12 · The Star Wars 8 · Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters 8 · The Ring, Vol 0: Birthday · Sadako at the End of the World · Spider-Man: The Mark of Kaine · Sadako-San and Sadako-Chan · Doctor Who: Remembrance of the Daleks · Doctor Who: The Klepton Parasites · Doctor Who: The Chimes of Midnight · Yu-Gi-Oh: Capsule Monsters Ep. 1-3 · Klaus 1-7
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2024:
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Still Another 15 Mistakes of AT4W · Batman vs. the Predator 1 · Ben 10 Ep. 1×01, 09, 13 · Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger Ep. 14, 22-24 · Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back Comic Adaptation · Sonic/Mega Man: Worlds Collide, Act 1
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Specials:
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AT4W 2009 Trailer · Linkara's Take on Watchmen · Watchmen Review · Theme Song Contest · The Spoony Experiment: Warrior #1 · Theme Song Contest Winner! · Blackest Night · Silent Hill: Dying Inside Trailer · Silent Hill Alternate Endings · AT4W & Spoony: Experiment Warrior 2-3 · October 2010 Trailer · Silent Hill: Dead/Alive Review Alternate Endings · The Live Show! · AT4W Story Recap · October 2011 Trailer · Return of AT4W Live! · Revenge of the AT4W Live! · Southland Tales · Curse of AT4W Live · House of AT4W Live! · Ghost of AT4W LIVE! · October 2012 Trailers · Bride of AT4W Live! · Son of AT4W Live! · Night of AT4W Live! · Day of AT4W Live! · Dawn of AT4W Live! · Land of AT4W Live! · Diary and Survival of AT4W Live! · Power of AT4W Live! · Midnight of AT4W Live! · Planet of AT4W LIVE! · Genesis of AT4W LIVE! · 300th Episode Livestream Recordings · Destiny of AT4W LIVE! · Resurrection of AT4W LIVE! · Revelation of AT4W Live! · Remembrance of AT4W LIVE! · The New 52 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 1 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 2 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 3 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 4 · Atop the Fourth Wall: The Movie, Part 5
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