Editing Sailor Moon

{{Infobox
|Box title = Sailor Moon
|Image file = NostalgiaCritic-NostalgiaCriticSailorMoon314.jpg
|Image size = 320
|Row 1 title = Released
|Row 1 info = August 6, 2013
|Row 2 title = Running time
|Row 2 info = 26:18
|Row 3 title = Previous review
|Row 3 info = [[Was Batman Season 4 Hit or Miss?]]
|Row 4 title = Next review
|Row 4 info = [[Why Is Tom and Jerry Genius?]]
|Row 5 title = Link
|Row 5 info = http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/40200-nostalgia-critic-sailor-moon}}
(After the opening, we open on a scientist (Malcolm Ray) writing on a whiteboard while thunder and lightning crash.)

'''Nostalgia Critic''': (quickly) Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (The doctor giggles) Right now, I'm in the laboratory of Dr. Hack, the master of formulas. Not scientific formulas, not mathematical formulas, but ''television'' formulas. (Dr. Hack laughs) Any TV show that has a formula that's been repeated over and over and over, he's the guy that came up with it. Watch this. (He turns to the doctor) ''Mighty Morphin Power Rangers''.

'''Dr. Hack''': Bland teens fight Putty Patrol, then monster, then giant monster in giant robot. (as he says this, his assistant (Rachel Tietz) holds up a drawing of teenagers + monster = Power Rangers)

'''NC''': ''Home Improvement''.

'''Hack''': Toolman screws up, neighbor gives advice, Toolman gets advice wrong, but Toolman's forgiven anyway. (Tim Allen + Neighbor = Tool Time)

'''NC''': ''Scooby-Doo''.

'''Hack''': It's always the person in the opening you forgot about. (Cop + Vampire = Scooby saying "Got Ra!")

'''NC''': (To the audience) ''Inspector Gadget'', ''[[Captain Planet]]'', ''Everyone Loves Raymond''.

'''Hack''': Everybody actually hates Raymond. He should've divorced that bitch and her family long ago. (Raymond going "Nyeeeah")

'''NC''': If it's a formula that's gotten more and more popular through its repetition, he's the guy that thought of it. And right now, I've hired him to think of an idea so that I can lazily repeat it over and over and make money beyond my wildest dreams!

'''Hack''': Eureka! Eureka!

'''Assistant''': What?

'''Hack''': Oh, there you are, Eureka. Get ready to jot down my latest formula.

'''NC''': You got it?

'''Hack''': Yes, and it's going to make us millions.

'''NC''': Well, that's wonderful. Let's hear it!

'''Hack''': 14-year old girl acts stupid, uses magical powers to look slutty ''and'' stupid, (NC's smile starts to fade) talking cat tells her how to fight crime because she's so stupid, surrounds herself with smarter girls that make her look even more stupid--

'''NC''': That's Sailor Moon.

'''Hack''': What?

'''NC''': The formula you're describing, it's Sailor Moon.

'''Hack''': (He looks at the whiteboard, then back to NC) Do they have a villain that keeps attacking the same town?

'''NC''': Yes...

'''Hack''': Do they have a tedious romance with a magic boyfriend?

'''NC''': (getting more annoyed) Yes...

'''Hack''': Do they repeat the same animation?

'''NC''': Worse than Hanna-Barbera!

'''Hack''': And it was successful?

'''NC''': It's one of the most popular animes of all time!

'''Hack''': Hmm... Eureka? (Sailor + Moon = $) Oh, dear. Well, this is embarrassing. Um... Well, how about this one? [[Full House|Three obnoxiously perfect girls are raised by three obnoxiously perfect men in a house in San Francisco... and not one of them is gay!]]

(NC leaves and heads to his desk)

'''NC''': Well, while we're on the subject, why was something as repetitive as Sailor Moon so successful?

(Clips of the show play along with the theme song)

'''NC''' (vo): I remember when it first aired in America. It was an export from Japan, which I think was originally called "Magical Girl Squad Robo Dance Yes". (shows a poster of Sailor Moon with that title) Not quite as familiar with anime as Americans are today, a lot of people just saw it as "Speed Racer" with tits. What we didn't understand was that the audience for this was growing more and more rabid. And whether for its campiness or actual enjoyment of the story, it was becoming an underground hit, for kids (picture of a little girl dressed as Sailor Moon), teens (picture of people dressed up as Sailors Moon, Neptune, Mars, Pluto, and Mini-Moon, as well as Tuxedo Mask) and that creepy guy who fixes your computer (picture of a larger man with a beard dressed as Sailor Moon).

'''NC''': So, what is the secret formula, and why did it catch on with so many? Well, let's start at the very beginning.

'''NC''' (vo): You'll quickly notice that, like many animes, the best parts of the show aren't in the action, the characters, the story, or the writing. It's in the goddamn opening theme song.

'''Theme song''': ''She will never turn her back on her friends/She is always there to defend''

'''NC''' (vo): Not only is the beat catchy as hell, but look at this animation. Look at the visuals. It's like a Van Gogh of anime kid openings. (noticing that the background in one scene is Starry Night) In fact, there's even a Van Gogh in it! Don't ask why, I don't care, it's freaking awesome! I'll allow it!

'''Theme song''': ''Sailor Venus! Sailor Mercury! Sailor Mars! Sailor Jupiter!''

'''NC''' (vo): I guess the only downside is the obvious American additions. Like this pointless ''Star Wars''-style scroll. Yeah, because that's what girls watching this show are really into. ''[[Star Wars: A New Hope|Star Wars]]''! They go so hand in hand, I'm surprised Lucas didn't release a more feminine version with Serena doing Darth Vader.

(All of Vader's lines are replaced with Serena's lines)

'''Serena''': Did you hear? There's a new Sailor V video game out! I saw it on TV!

'''Agent''': Lord Vader, the battle station plans are not aboard this ship.

'''Serena''': Oh, yeah.

'''Agent''': And no transmissions were made.

'''Serena''': How can that be? My mom finds out, she'll ground me and cut my allowance!

'''Agent''': An escape pod was jettisoned during the fighting. No lifeforms were aboard.

'''Serena''': (sad) I can't believe this! Oh-ho! Ohhh! What am I gonna do-o-o-o? (suddenly happy) We can get ice cream!

'''Agent''': Yes, sir!

'''NC''' (vo): See if you can spot where else the Americans made some changes. They're so subtle, I'll doubt you'll ever notice where they geniously slipped them in. (clips of the show play in the opening as various backgrounds flash) Yeah, unbelievably natural, if you were going less for action packed adventure and more for ''[[Saved By the Bell]]'' credits.

(Saved By the Bell theme plays over the Sailor Moon opening)

'''NC''' (vo): But you quickly discover, in many respects, that ''is'' what the show is going for. At first, it seems like it's gonna be a big, albeit audience-insultingly rushed space battle between cosmic planet...people...folk.

'''Narrator''': A thousand years ago, our moon was home to a great civilization ruled by Queen Serenity.

'''NC''': Then everything changed when the [[The Last Airbender|Fire Nation]] attacked!

(Clip of the Fire Nation Army is shown from the opening of ''Avatar: The Last Airbender'')

'''Narrator''': Until the arrival of the evil Queen Beryl. Although her world was destroyed, Queen Serenity's last hope was the power of the Empyrean Silver Crystal and the Crescent Moon Wand.

'''Queen Serenity''': Only this crystal and wand can combat the power of the Negaforce!

'''NC''' (vo): Yeah... Look, show, even if you pretend you have a story that matters beyond people who see a high-class meal as a flaming Hot Pocket, you still have to follow up all that supposed epicness with this.

(Serena's alarm clock rings, waking her up)

'''Serena''': AAH! Oh, no, I'm late for school again!

'''NC''' (vo): Yeah, I bet you thought this was going to be a big space opera with action, drama, and exotic locations. But nope! It's just your common English-speaking town that has everything in Japanese for some reason.

'''Serena's mom''': Serena!

'''Serena''': I gotta go!

'''Serena's mom''': Aren't you forgetting something, dear?

'''NC''': Oh, yeah! Your nose! (Cartoon nose is superimposed on Serena's nose-lacking face) Everyone's forgetting those around here.

'''NC''' (vo): This is Serena, a ditsy clod who has no idea she is one of the reincarnations of the Sailor Scouts. She's just your everyday gigantic-eye blond Japanese girl who constantly keeps flunking her exams.

'''Molly''': Aw, chill out, Serena. It's just one lousy test. It's not like it's the end of the world or something.

'''NC''': (as Serena) You don't understand! I'm Japanese! To me, failure is everything!

'''Serena''': You don't get it, Molly. If my mom finds out I flunked that test, I won't get to play the new Sailor V game!

'''NC''' (vo): Being pretty as sin and dumb as cheese, she, of course, is very popular in school, obtaining all sorts of friends. Like an over-the-top accent with a human attached to it...

'''Molly''': (gasp) That's weird! Very weird!

'''NC''' (vo): ...and the awkward years of [[Dr. Insano]]'s puberty.

'''Melvin''': You're going shopping? What's more important than your grades? (voice switches to Dr. Insano) Science, of course!

'''NC''' (vo): When not hanging out with these frightening adolescent creations, she spends most of her time solving her problems by intelligently ignoring them and finding more ways to spend her mother's money.

'''Melvin''': I heard about your test. Want me to be your tutor?

'''Molly''': She doesn't need a tutor; she needs a trip to the mall to get her mind off it.

'''Serena''': I could use some new pink barrettes for my hair.

'''NC''': (as Serena) Education just gives you wrinkles!

'''NC''' (vo): She also seems to get in fights with an attractive boy named Darien.

'''Darien''': What was that you were saying about someone ''totally'' cool? But we can be sure it isn't you. Shouldn't you be going home and doing your homework, Meatball-Head?

'''NC''': Hey, that is clearly an insult to meatballs.

'''Darien''': Ha-ha!

'''Serena''': Well, how's this for inspiration?! YOU'RE A CREEP, DARIEN!! YOU DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT BEING COOL!!!

'''NC''' (vo): (sarcastic) Wow, they really seem like polar opposites and hate each other to the core. They hook up? (red caption appears on-screen reading "NO FUCKING SHIT!")

'''NC''': Uh-huh. And how tediously long do they drag that out? (red caption reads "WORSE THAN" alongside an image of Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly from ''The Office'') Oh, Jesus! Just mail me the comedic banter to my office shredder!

'''NC''' (vo): By the way, here's a confusing scene. We see her walk by a poster of a young girl dressed exactly how she is dressed. Like it's from a movie or a show or something.

'''Serena''': I wish I could be like Sailor V. She's so beautiful and smart. Something exciting's always happening in her life, not like mine.

'''NC''' (vo): So...what? A movie or a TV industry got wind of this idea that coincidentally is exactly the same as what's going on right now?

'''NC''': Does that mean that something like ''Transformers'' is a true story, then? Because to be fair, my car has been giving me dirty looks. (headlights on the NC's car turn into "Transformer" eyes, prompting the NC to look away)

'''NC''' (vo): Things seem to change -- that is, the formula is set in motion -- when a magic cat named Luna arrives and tells her that she is the reincarnation of one of the guardians.

'''Luna''': You are Sailor Moon, and you must fight evil when it confronts you! Just repeat after me: Moon prism power!

'''Serena''': MOON PRISM POWER!!!

'''NC''' (vo): And, of course, this gives way to the famous transformation scene. The tiara, the boots, the nail polish...later covered by gloves so that was pointless, and, of course, the miniskirt. The mini-mini-mini-mini-MINI-mini-mini-mini-miniskirt. Yup, the costume choice that in no way enables her to fight better but sure does force her to squat a lot.

'''NC''': Okay, so take out the fact that it's obviously in no way battle armor.

'''NC''' (vo): Take out the fact that it's obviously fanservice. Take out the fact that, just like He-Man, somehow removing more clothes bizarrely disguises them -- though to be fair (picture of He-Man and Battle Cat alongside picture of Sailor Moon) with both these outfits, is the face really the first thing you're gonna be looking at? Take all that away and just tell yourself: this obviously sexualized transformation that takes up a solid ''minute'' in each episode...happens to a 14-year-old girl. Yeah. Forgot that for a second, didn't ya? The girls in this show are and always have been 14 years old. ''14 years old''. (images of various underage girls appear on screen) ''14 years old''! 14-- (distracted by panty shot of Sailor Mars) DAMN! Uh, y-years old.

'''NC''': Now, before any of you find this incredibly creepy, let me make one thing perfectly clear. The age of consent in many parts of Japan is in fact ''13'' years old. ...''NOW'' you may find it incredibly creepy.

'''NC''' (vo): And yes, there's a lot of fine print to that law that evens it out a bit, but there's just as much fine print that evens it back into kinky territory again. (picture of a group of Japanese teenagers) For example, sex between 13- to 17-year-olds can only be done with other 13- to 17-year-olds.

'''Homer Simpson''': That's good.

'''NC''' (vo): (picture of scantily dressed Japanese girl) However, that's only sex. Groping, handjobs, blowjobs, and whatever else your perverted imagination can come up with is all perfectly legal.

'''Homer Simpson''': That's bad.

'''NC''' (vo): However, they have cracked down on human trafficking, forced prostitution, and other illegal acts endangering people in that age range.

'''Homer Simpson''': That's good.

'''NC''' (vo): But that doesn't stop people from creating kinky establishments like the Sexual Harassment Corporation where you pay to molest girls in school and business sets, and is totally 100% legal.

'''Homer Simpson''': Can I go now?

'''NC''' (vo): So, um... Yeah, I guess when you come down to it, it is just cultural differences. I mean, sexual urges in young people does start well before 18. My personal problem is, like media in most cultures, it doesn't try to help younger people understand sexuality, (images of Bratz dolls, Britney Spears, and Megan Fox) but rather exploits it. Rather than educate young people about sex, it's honestly just easier if we can make money off of it.

'''NC''': But, of course, all this talk about Sailor Moon being a sexy 14-year-old pinup is all building up to one important question: Given this information, why did I still put her in the [[Top 11 Hottest Animated Women]] list? ''I DIDN'T KNOW!!!'' I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW!! I mean, look at the way they're drawn, man! I thought they were in college or at the very least late high school! Wouldn't you have made that guess?! Come on, look at the way they're showing them off! I swear, officer-- I mean audience! I had no idea their real age! I mean, you might be saying to yourself, "Oh, what, didn't you grow up watching the show? Didn't you pay attention to it at all?" ...NO! No, I didn't! I mean, I ''watched'' it, but I didn't really ''listen'' to it! I too was 14 at a time! And...maybe I viewed it for...different reasons.

(Flashback to 1995 (Yeah, I knew when he first watched it in the 90's.), with a young NC with grunge hair and bad acne)

'''Young NC''': (holding bundle of papers) Stupid homework. (hears Sailor Moon theme song playing on nearby TV)

'''Sailor Moon''': (on TV) I am Sailor Moon, the champion of justice, and on behalf of the moon, I will punish you!

'''Young NC''': Oh, my God, this is awful. (turns TV off)

'''Deep Voice''': Turn that back on.

'''Young NC''': (looks around) Who said that?

'''Deep Voice''': I did.

'''Young NC''': (looks down) (shot of Young NC's crotch) ...Penis?

'''NC's Penis''': (smooth) Yeah.

'''Young NC''': You can talk?

'''NC's Penis''': All penises talk around this age. It's the greatest secret no woman knows about but wouldn't be the least bit shocked to discover.

'''Young NC''': Well, despite what a terrifying discovery this is, I'm still not gonna watch this show.

'''NC's Penis''': It doesn't matter what you think. From now on, I'll be calling all the shots. You're gonna see everything in a whole new light.

'''Young NC''': What are you talking about?

'''NC's Penis''': Look at that show again. (TV shows portions of transformation sequence) Looks ''damn'' good now, doesn't it?

'''Young NC''': (enthralled) Wow... There's more to this show than I thought...

'''NC's Penis''': (smooth) Aw, yeah.

'''Young NC''': No! I'm a mentally capable male! I won't let my penis call all my decisions for me! (turns TV off, hears gun being cocked, and looks down)

(Shot of a gun pointed up from Young NC's crotch)

'''NC's Penis''': Turn that back on, or I'll shoot where the sun always shines.

'''Young NC''': ...No, I won't?

(Sound of a gunshot, and the flashback ends)

'''NC''': Excuse me. I have some memories I need to repress.

(NC walks off-screen as the video cuts to a commercial)

(Return from commercial opens on the NC returning to his chair, drunk and holding a bottle of alcohol)

'''NC''': (slurring and drunk) Well, I think I've properly erased those memories.

'''NC's Penis''': They'll be back.

'''NC''': Quiet, or I'll write another groin shot joke.

'''NC''' (vo): So, Serena-- (clears throat) So Serena seems shocked that she can now suddenly transform...

'''Serena''': This dream is getting weirder and weirder! I'll never study that hard again!

'''NC''' (vo): ...Though weirdly enough doesn't look the least bit shocked ''while'' she's transforming. In fact, I bet she'll keep this exact same calm state every single time she changes, and every villain she's fighting will quietly wait for her to finish before actually attacking.

'''NC''': It's the Japanese way.

'''NC''' (vo): Speaking of which, there actually is a villain in this series, known as Queen Beryl (NC mispronounces Beryl's name as "Barrel"). Yes, because no name is more terrifying than a wooden container that can bring me alcohol.

'''NC''': Actually, you sure she's not the hero?

'''NC''' (vo): She uses her evil minion named Jadeite (pronounced "Jedite")...

'''NC''': (shows a poster of ''Star Wars: Return of the Jedite'') Ehh, too obvious.

'''NC''' (vo): ...to get energy out of the people of Earth, all to serve the evil realm of the Negaverse.

'''NC''': Or, as Luna likes to put it, (dramatically) THE NEGAVERSE!!

(Various clips of Luna saying "the Negaverse" overdramatically)

'''NC''' (vo): How does Jadeite plan to do this? By creating various monsters targeting people's lust for jewelry, pop singers, fitness, and pretty much anything exploiting the empty shallowness of all mankind. So naturally, Serena is never far behind, often falling for the majority of his evil plans.

'''Jadeite''': (voiced over by the NC) Please get in this evil device which is in no way an evil device. Joke's on you, it was an evil device.

'''NC''' (vo): But once Luna reminds Serena to use her brain, she goes through her pedo-licious transformation and is ready to kick ass.

'''Serena''': (crying) I WANT TO GO HOME!!

'''NC''': Or...cowers in the corner like a fucking scaredy-cat.

'''Serena''': (various clips spliced together) I don't want to do this anymore! I can't, I'm too scared! Get me out of here now! (crying and shrieking)

'''NC''' (vo): In fact, THE FUCKING SCAREDY-CAT IS BRAVER THAN HER!!

'''Luna''': (various clips spliced together) You must fight this evil monster, or the whole universe could cease to exist! It's time to become Sailor Moon! Let's go! You have to stand and fight! Be brave!

(Clip of Sailor Moon running away from thugs)

'''Theme song''': ''Never running from a real fight''

'''NC''' (vo): (stammers) '''THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S DOING!!! SHE'S RUNNING FROM A REAL FIGHT!!!!'''

'''NC''': Come on, you idiot! Don't pussy out! Pussy ''up''! ...I think it can also be used that way. Yeah!

'''NC''' (vo): Well, it'll probably surprise no one that Sailor Moon actually does very little physical fighting in this show, which is no big shock. If she even raises her knee a centimeter to kick, she exposes her goodies to the world.

'''NC''': Which, in many parts of Japan, of course is no big problem anyway.

'''NC''' (vo): Most of the fight scenes require her being trapped or stuck in something for probably longer than is needed. But hey, anything to save on that action-packed, detailed animation (looped clip of Sailor Moon throwing her energized tiara) that we're just going to repeat anyway! In fact, the one you'll see most often next to the transformation sequence is her using a magic tiara which turns her enemies to dust. Or, in this case, the guy doing the magic act next door comes to save her, THEN allowing her to throw her goddamn tiara.

'''Tuxedo Mask''': You must believe in yourself, Sailor Moon!

'''Sailor Moon''': Tuxedo Mask! Thank you!

'''Tuxedo Mask''': Don't mention it.

'''NC''' (vo): This is Tuxedo Mask, and yes, it is painfully obvious who it really is. But please don't tell Serena. ''She's not very bright!''

'''Tuxedo Mask''': Others will test you. Do not be afraid.

'''Sailor Moon''': What a hunky guy.

'''NC''': (as Sailor Moon) He's so dreamy. And not at all like the other guy who I hate so much. Thank God they have nothing in common and are two completely different people. (looks off-screen) Oh, hi, Clark. Get any new pictures of Superman lately?

'''NC''' (vo): The magic tiara isn't her only enchanted device, though. She also has a pen that can change her into anything. Wait, WHAT?!

'''Luna''': It's a very powerful transforming tool. It turns you into whatever you want.

'''NC''': Well, then, what the fuck is she using that tiara for!? I mean, they didn't give any limitations or anything. They said she can change into fucking anything she wants! Why doesn't she just turn around and be like...

'''Serena''': (voiced over by the NC) Take on the form of Godzilla!

(Clip of Godzilla roaring and smashing Negaverse minions under its foot)

'''NC''': Series over! Six seasons spared!

'''NC''' (vo): But nope. She uses it just to don disguises...which really aren't necessary, seeing how all you have to do is throw on a bathing suit and a napkin over your crotch, and apparently no one will recognize you. And besides, we know she's gonna leave the real fighting to the other Sailor Scouts. Oh, yeah. I should probably talk about them. The other reincarnations of the Scouts are found over time, usually in the exact same city and often even the exact same school.

'''NC''': So maybe Jadeite should try his evil plans in another part of town. I mean, it's not like the Power Rangers that can beam anywhere. All this show does is glorify how lazy Serena is.

'''NC''': (as one of Serena's friends) Serena! A monster is attacking Tokyo!

'''NC''': (as Serena) How far away is that?

'''NC''': (as one of Serena's friends) About ten miles.

'''NC''': (as Serena) Eh, it's just Tokyo.

'''Luna''': (voiced over by the NC) But you should-- (gets smacked away by NC)

'''NC''' (vo): These other Sailors are Sailor Mars, who uses fire; Sailor Jupiter, who uses thunder; Sailor Venus, who uses energy beams; and Sailor Mercury, who uses '''[[Return of the Nostalgic Commercials#Bubble Thing|FUCKING BUBBLES]]!!!''' Their personalities are about as on par as, oh, let's say... the Spice Girls.

'''NC''': No, no, that's too demeaning. Um, let's say [[MMMBop|Hanson]].

'''NC''' (vo): But to their credit, they are the ones who do most of the work. And they're eventually joined by another cat named Artemis.

'''Artemis''': Stop squabbling.

'''NC''' (vo): And yes, even the other planets over time join the group as well.

'''NC''': Ooh, except Pluto. Um, you're not a planet anymore, so, um... Yeah. (shoots Sailor Pluto)

'''NC''' (vo): And to answer your question, yes, every kid snickered like an idiot when they heard there really was a Sailor Uranus.

'''Minion from "Despicable Me 2"''': "Bottom". (laughs with a second minion)

'''NC''' (vo): Actually, things got kind of interesting with her character, seeing how Uranus and Neptune were cousins in the show, but not in the Japanese version. No, no, in the Japanese version, they were a couple.

(Clip of Sailor Moon with the original Japanese audio)

'''Rei:''' どこ！？カッコいい人は！(Where? Where is that cute guy? Where?)

'''Rei''': 女の人… (A girl...)

'''Haruka''': 僕が男だって言った覚えはないけど… (I don't recall ever saying that I was a guy...)

'''NC''' (vo): That's right. Straight-up lesbians.

'''NC's Penis''': What was that?

'''NC''': Nothing! I said nothing!

'''NC''' (vo): Yeah, kinda funny how we can sex up our 14-year-olds all we want, but the idea of them being attracted to something that don't have a penis apparently was too much for Americans back then.

'''NC''': So just to check: (picture of Bratz) Okay, (picture of Amara and Michelle) shaaaaame! (picture of mother holding daughter wearing conical bra) Okay, (picture of Amara and Michelle) shaaaaame!

'''NC''' (vo): Come on, guys, maybe you could've worked it into your half-assed PSAs at the end. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention. There's PSAs in this show, obviously slapped on at the end of each episode using the same animation they used before. Because Lord knows the show hasn't repeated enough animation already.

'''Serena''' (vo): Starving yourself and exercising 'til you drop is not a smart way to lose weight. Like a car without gas, our bodies can't run without food.

'''Luna '''(vo): Good, nutritional food.

'''NC''' (vo): To say they're time fillers is an understatement. Half the time, they don't even bother to fill in the dead air they care so little about!

'''Serena''' (vo): Daydreams are nice, especially the ones about...food. (giggles, sighs) Daydreams are cool alright.

(Long pause, NC motions for voiceover to continue)

'''Serena''' (vo): But just don't forget about the here and now.

'''NC''' (vo): Yeah, if they wanted a more appropriate ending, they'd go with something like this.

'''Serena''' (vo): (with different voiceover by Rachel) Hey, kids! A lot of times, we get angry letters from your parents because we know our show makes you dumber. So here's our last-minute table scraps to try and teach you something in the last few seconds we have. Um... Brush your teeth! (giggles)

'''NC''': Or, in the case of the lesbian duo, maybe they can do something like...

'''Serena''' (vo): (with different voiceover by Rachel) Hey, kids! You got boys, and you got girls. Pick one! (giggles)

'''NC''': And guys, that's as far as I got.

'''NC''' (vo): I know there's more characters and more villains, but I specifically wanted to address the repeated formula that got Sailor Moon popular in the U.S. and why on Earth it actually worked.

'''NC''': And that formula, as I can figure out, is as such.

'''NC''' (vo): Serena acts like a selfish idiot; supportive friends pick up her slack; Beryl rubs crystal ball like a boob and sends Jadeite out to create monster and/or device to obtain energy, using a marketing tool targeted toward vain suburbanites; one of the Scouts discovers the plan or falls for it herself; transformation takes place via reused, sexually-confusing animation; Scout or Scouts are trapped; prat in the hat seems to get them out and do nothing else; Serena never figures out who he is, uses her magic tiara that she should've used earlier instead of reusing more dialogue footage, destroys villain, and goes back to being an idiot again.

'''NC''': So, yeah, just to double-check again: WHY DOES THIS WORK?!

'''NC''' (vo): Perhaps like a lot of other formulas, it knew what to keep familiar and what to keep changing up. It knew it was going to have a villain, but it changed up what ''kind'' of villain. It knew it had to involve an interest or product that girls wanted to be involved with, so it had a different one each episode. There was always peril that the girls had to get out of so that you'd feel great by the end when they finally do, keeping the formula exactly the same but changing up just the right elements that needed to be changed.

'''NC''': So do I enjoy the show? Fuck, no! Does it have an ingenious formula? Fuck, yes! Is it bad for kids? Fuck...not really.

'''NC''' (vo): While the Serena character is an annoying airhead, I will give her credit that she does at the very least have a character. It's not one that I like, but at the same time, it would've been easy just to make her a pretty face with no personality. But she clearly does have a personality and goes to big extremes. And they do make her look strange and bizarre just as much as they do at making her look pretty half the time. And though, yeah, she can be self-centered, she's never really ''mean'' per se. And I guess, from what I understand, the character does get smarter as the show goes on. Or at the very least braver. As for sexing up a 14-year-old... (sighs) I think it's weird, but I guess there's always just gonna be cultural differences. And in all honesty, (picture of Honey Boo Boo wearing conical bra) we've went out much worse. Unlike a lot of pop stars and teen magazines where the artificiality is all that's there, this at least allows girls the fantasy of being the hero and actually doing something, even if it ''is'' mixed in with that artificiality as well. But I don't know if Serena's dummy reaction to it all always shows it in such a good light. But the moments where she fights back and saves the day ''is'' always shown in a good light. So have fun with your little show. Just keep it as far away as you can from me.

'''Theme song''': ''She is the one... Sailor Moon!''

'''NC''': I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I reme-- (phone rings, NC answers) Hello?

'''Eureka''': Mr. Critic, uh, Dr. Hack thinks he may have, like, finished that formula or whatever? (door opens, Eureka turns to see NC enter)

'''NC''': Lead on.

'''Hack''': Alright, Critic, I know I messed up with the Sailor Moon formula, but I've come up with a formula that's even better.

'''NC''': Even better? You mean, like, more successful than Sailor Moon?

'''Hack''': Three times more successful!

'''NC''': Really?!

'''Hack''': Yes! According to my calculations, this should be the most famous, most profitable formula the world has ever known!

'''NC''': Good God, Dr. Hack, what is it?! ''What is it?!?''

'''Hack''': Okay, okay. [[Demo Reel|Three online performers -- two male, one female -- remake movies with the help of a German cameraman and Irish immigrant!]]

(Long pause before NC takes off his hat and starts beating Dr. Hack with it, and the end credits roll)

(Channel Awesome logo)

Channel Awesome tagline - '''Luna''': The Negaverse!

{{NCscripts}}
[[Category:Content]]
[[Category:Guides]]
[[Category:Sailor Moon]]
[[Category:Cartoons]]
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[[Category:Cartoon Babes]]
[[Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts]]
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