(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from RocketMan)
Doug (vo): Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Homer goes into space? What if they stretched it out from 24 minutes to an hour-and-a-half? To tell you the truth, I was kind of open to it. I remember seeing the trailers for RocketMan. I'm thinking to myself, "Okay, this has a few laughs." I kind of like when he screamed when he got the job and when he farts on Mars and says it wasn't him, even though he's one of only three people on the entire planet. But here's the thing, he says "It wasn't me" about 20 times before we get to this moment, so it's not funny anymore. And a lot of the movie works that way. It takes some ideas that should be funny and it just finds the exact right way to ruin them. I guess it's not a big shock that this is a bad movie, but again, you have to ask, "What kind of bad is it?" Is it a "so bad, it's good", a "so bad, it's bad", a "so bad, it's boring" or a "so bad, it's fascinating"? Well, mostly a "so bad, it's bad", but I will add that I do have kind of a soft spot for its lead, Harland Williams. This is a guy that popped up a lot in the '90s and I never really knew what to make of his humor. But then I saw a little bit of his stand-up and his appearances on Conan and I kind of got it. He's a silly, over-the-top, absurd goofball who always seems in control of the weird world he creates, and therefore, he kind of brings us into that silly, over-the-top, absurd world. He's really grown on me. So I didn't know if this film was going to pull me in the same way. Like, I don't know what to think of it, and then when I really let it sit or just take in the weird humor, I get into it. (sighs) No, that's not the case. You see, not only do I think the actor doesn't know what to do with himself in this film, but I don't think the film knows what to do with him.
Story[]
Doug (vo): The setup is pretty much what you would expect. NASA's going to Mars which, by the way, it is pretty funny thinking that NASA has been in two Disney films, one is Flight of the Navigator, where they look like the bad guys and now this, where they all look like idiots. But something seems to be wrong with their computer software, so they call in the developer, Fred Randall to look it over. And it turns out it's so complex, he's the only one that really knows how to truly operate it. So, of course, this means he has to go into space. This is Randall's biggest dream ever since he was a kid. And yeah, I'll say this, if you're wondering why it's not on Disney+, they literally went out of their way to re-animate a whole new scene because a kid climbed in a dryer, and this one opens up with him in the dryer and he's literally going "wheeee!" while it's turned on. Yeah, it's...that's not surprising. Of course, the other astronauts don't want to go with him, but he's super excited and still screws up and says goofy lines and...hijinks.
Review[]
Doug (vo): Yeah, that's really about it. I think you know this is not going to be very story-focused. This is meant to entertain little kids, probably in the same vein the Ernest movies do. But I feel like the Ernest movies had a little bit more creativity to them and a few jokes for the adults. Maybe every 20 minutes, there'd be a decent laugh. Like, I like when he's told, "Just have fun" and he says, "Fun is my Chinese neighbor's middle name." That's a little funny. I like when he's trying to talk to Houston, but there's a bad windstorm and he keeps breaking up, so he says stuff like, "It's as bad as a French Canadian...static..."with a tennis racket"...static..."Brazilian monkey"...static..."up my sister's..." and more static.
(Various footage is shown, mostly focusing on the world singing "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" and Fred and Julie dancing in zero gravity)
Doug (vo): And I'd say maybe every half hour, there's something that's just so awkward and so forced, it did get a giggle. Like, for example, he's in space and they're on TV, and literally the president is there listening to him, and everybody's watching, and he just starts singing "You Got the Whole World in His Hands," and the president starts singing along. Okay, that's really stupid, but then it keeps going. Literally, he somehow gets the whole world to sing along, and it's not like they filmed actors doing this, it's real footage of people and even the Pope is in there. And something about that is just so lame, I had to giggle. I think it goes without saying, because it's a '90s movie and there's a woman in this, she's obviously going to fall in love with the main character. Near the end, he takes the space blankets and literally cuts out a gown and tuxedo. That is just so dumb, I kind of love it. But like I said, those moments are very few and far between. I feel like this movie was written not more seriously, but we're supposed to have moments where there's people really talking about their emotions, and they're talking about it to the guy from Half-Baked. It just doesn't feel right.
(Footage focusing on Bud is shown)
Doug (vo): Beau Bridges should really be told he's in bad movies because, to his credit, he's acting his ass off. He plays the guy who was in charge of Apollo 13, so nobody likes him. And yeah, that is pretty funny, but he legit tries to form a connection with him because he's an outcast, too and he kind of likes Randall because he's also looked down upon and nobody takes him seriously. But that's also right after a scene where he says to the female astronaut, "I want to sleep with you."
(Footage focusing on Fred is shown)
Doug (vo): And yeah, that really doesn't work in a film for little kids and it's not funny. He just kind of flings his arms around and they put in some sort of really bad special effect and some really bad writing. And yeah, like I said, I feel like this guy maybe could be in a good movie. I mean, I don't know, I kind of feel like he's been funny in other stuff, but I get the feeling this film was written with somebody else in mind, like somebody who could take this writing and make it work. And that's not really how his stand-up works. His whole shtick is he's better when he's just left to his own devices. Like, he's great on a talk show; there's this improv show he was on that he was really, really great on. He needs to be in control, and he's clearly not in control here. He's just kind of playing a generic doofus because he's written like a generic doofus. And every once in a while, he'll throw in something that's a little humorous, like he'll quote Mr. Magoo. Like, that's something that really feels up his alley.
Final thought[]
Doug (vo): It's just so odd, but 90% of the time, the humor just doesn't work, at least it didn't for me. Maybe little kids would get into this, but I don't know. I feel like if I was a little kid, I might be bored by it or even find him a little annoying. People have asked for a while for me to review this for Nostalgia Critic and I really don't have much interest. I mean, I feel like I can just get my thoughts out here. I don't passionately hate this film, but I definitely didn't enjoy it either. It's a shame, 'cause I do find this guy funny, and I find this concept funny. Again, I feel like I've seen it done before, even outside of The Simpsons, but they clearly didn't know how to handle it here. Big shock, from the director of Ninja Turtles III. It's not good, but I've seen worse, and I have no problem moving on saying, "Houston, this is somebody else's problem."
(The scene showing more of Fred and Julie dancing in zero gravity is shown)