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Robocop (2014)

Robocop nc

Released
January 15, 2019
Running Time
32:59
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(The Channel Awesome logo and NC title sequence plays; cut to static and a distorted up-view of the office; in the corner, green text reading "STNDBY>" is displayed. Tamara adjusts the screen with her hand. "AWAITING INPUT..." appears beneath "STNDBY")

Guy: Sharp! Gah!

(RoboCop (2014) turns off then back on, we see Tamara and Nostalgia Critic)

Nostalgia Critic: Wonderful. Bring in the RoboCop script!

(A guy holds a piece of paper that says “RoboCop Script” and puts it in the machine)

NC: Reduce the R to a PG-13!

Tamara: But, wasn’t it being R what sucked people in?

NC: Well, yeah. But, being PG-13 allows more people to see it, even though more people won’t wanna see it, ‘cause it’s PG-13. It made more sense when the chart guy said it.

Chart Guy (unseen): Forshizzel.

(A guy drills into the machine, thus turning it off then on again)

Chart Guy: I thought we said no new ideas.

Tamara: Well, we have to do something different or we might as well be a Disney remake.

Chart Guy: Different scares people.

Tamara: You scare people.

Chart Guy: So the focus groups tell me.

NC: Alright! We’ll start with new ideas and then never go anywhere with them. That way everybody loses.

Tamara: Are you sure that’s how studios make money?

(silence)

Chart Guy: Well, the chart says...

(the robot turns off, then back on)

Guy: Good news! We have (holds a picture of) Samuel L. Jackson.

NC: Perfect! He’s gonna be an amazing RoboCop!

Guy: Actually, he’s only in for a few minutes.

NC: Oh. Who do we have to play RoboCop?

Tamara: That boring guy from Suicide Squad (Joel Kinnaman).

Guy and NC: Which one?

NC: Never mind. Just go ahead with it, it’s not gonna make a main character matters.

(the guy puts picture in the machine.)

NC: (talks to the machine) You’re gonna be a money-making motherfucker.

(Critic runs into Chart Guy and they fight while the robot turns off again)

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