Rise of Aresnal #1-2
July 11, 2011
More melodrama than you can swing a dead cat at!
(Open on Linkara seated on his futon like usual, but his face is buried in the comic "Justice League: Rise and Fall". He slowly brings it down, to reveal a confused look on his face as he sits there in stunned silence. He sighs, then starts crying softly, which suddenly turns into hysterical laughter)
Linkara: (holding up comic) This is the funniest damn thing I've ever read in my entire life! (laughs and slaps hand on comic) Oh, my God! I mean, when you drop the ball making a melodramatic story about a guy losing his arm, losing his daughter, and his entire life falling apart around him, you could not fail any more than this! (holds up comic again)
(Cut to a shot of the cover of "Justice League: Cry for Justice #1")
Linkara (v/o): I should give some context to this one. You'll recall that back in January, I reviewed "JLA: Cry for Justice".
Linkara: (holds up index finger) Spoiler alert: It sucks.
(A montage of shots of this comic series follows)
Linkara (v/o): It's a nonsensical story about heroes deciding to be proactive in the fight against evil, to act instead of react, to do whatever it takes to stop evil... and then proceed to do nothing but react to crimes as they happen, stumble around like they're sniffing paint, and torture people without ever once having the heroes admit that what they did was wrong. However, the character most damaged by "Cry for Justice" was Roy Harper, AKA Arsenal and Green Arrow's former sidekick. He not only got his arm cut off, but his young daughter Lian was killed, too.
Linkara: And in case you're wondering, yes, I am still pissed off about it.
(Cut to a montage of shots of follow-up tie-ins to this series, including "Justice League: Rise and Fall")
Linkara (v/o): However, "Cry for Justice" was not the end of it. Let's imagine you're DC Comics. You have a critically-panned miniseries, that sold decent numbers by the end, admittedly. Everyone is reeling in anger and frustration about this whole affair. You haven't seen this kind of hate since "Amazons Attack" or "Countdown" by your public. Well, how about we not only have follow-up tie-in books, but also two miniseries in a desperate attempt to save this fiasco and make it seem like there was a plan all along to restabilize the Green Arrow characters, which you have already messed up because of your confusingly moronic decision to marry Green Arrow and Black Canary, despite nobody being on board with it, and the book that followed up on it was almost as badly received as "Cry for Justice".
Linkara: It's like if the Green Arrow books were a boat that sprung a leak. Instead of trying to fix the hole, they decide to plug it up with garbage and then assume that the problem is solved.
Linkara (v/o): What came out of "Cry for Justice" were the two miniseries, "Fall of Green Arrow" and "Rise of Arsenal". I get a lot of mixed reactions to "Fall of Green Arrow", some saying it was actually a decent and enjoyable miniseries, while others say it was just as bad as its counterpart. And oh, boy, howdy, "Rise of Arsenal" is BAD.
Linkara: But man, oh, man, is it a really enjoyable bad! Let's dig into (holds today's comics) "Rise of Arsenal #1" and "#2".
(AT4W theme plays; title card has "The Great Beyond" by R.E.M. playing in the background; cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)
Linkara (v/o): We're reading from the trade here, so no cover analysis. I should point out the writer for this, J.T. Krul. Krul is a really damn good writer and deserves a lot more assignments than he tends to get.
(Cut to shots of Krul's work on "Titans" and "Teen Titans")
Linkara (v/o): He was the writer on "Titans" before someone decided to make it about Deathstroke instead of, you know, the Titans, and later became the writer of "Teen Titans", although that run is getting cut short by the DC relaunch in September, which, by the way, I'll reading all the new books coming out of that and giving recommendations. So yeah, "Rise of Arsenal" is probably the black mark on his resume.
(Cut back to "Rise of Arsenal")
Linkara (v/o): We open to a heart-wrenching scene – only heart-wrenching in retrospect, of course – of Roy talking to Lian over the JLA communication system. As the call ends, Prometheus, disguised as Captain Marvel, comes up behind Roy and smashes his face into the computer monitor.
Linkara: Yeah, we're about to see what actually went down in "Cry for Justice" and how Roy lost his arm. It's actually a really damn good scene, except it further highlights how completely inept "Cry for Justice" is.
Linkara (v/o): First of all, for being a super genius, Prometheus' first plan on how to take down Roy is to shove him into a monitor. He doesn't have knockout darts or some kind of poison he can shoot into his exposed neck? For that matter, why does he even need to attack him?
(Cut to a shot of Prometheus in "Cry for Justice")
Linkara (v/o): According to Prometheus in "Cry for Justice", he was uploading his takeover system wirelessly, so attacking him makes absolutely no sense!
(Cut back to "Rise of Arsenal")
Linkara (v/o): Arsenal gets up and realizes it's not Captain Marvel. Prometheus tries to pretend that he's being controlled, but Arsenal says he felt a gloved on him, which apparently Master-Super-Awesome Prometheus couldn't hide behind his disguise. Prometheus sends out glowing CDs of death out of a wrist launcher at him, but Roy dodges them. Roy points how stupid it is for Prometheus to be here when he's surrounded by heroes, but Prometheus just summons an energy katar and slices his bow. But here's again why this scene is so good but also so dumb when put in context with "Cry for Justice". Roy Harper has been fighting villains since he was a little kid. He's a sidekick who grew into his own, and he can kick major ass, and he does so, punching Prometheus to the ground using basic martial arts.
Linkara: Now, I know we've all tried to block it out of our memories. I know I certainly have. But let's try to remember "Cry for Justice" for a moment, shall we?
Linkara (v/o): Roy Harper, with no superpowers whatsoever, has taken down Prometheus in a fight that lasted six pages.
(Cut back to "Cry for Justice" again)
Linkara (v/o): In "Cry for Justice", Prometheus single-handedly defeated over a dozen superheroes, each take-down occurring in one friggin' panel each. Many of those heroes have enhanced strength or abilities, but NOOOOO, the Mega-Super-Awesome Prometheus is untouchable! How could anyone lay a single punch on him–
(Cut back to "Rise of Arsenal" again)
Linkara (v/o): Oops, wait, there goes Arsenal doing so.
Linkara: This is how you pull off a fight scene: you show the hero as competent and skilled. The only reason that we're about to see that Prometheus wins this is because he cheats!
Linkara (v/o): The glowing CDs are powered by magnets or something... Who knows? Advanced tech? Suspension of disbelief? ...and he summons them out of the wall they're embedded in, and they manage to slice into Arsenal. Prometheus then gets his second wind and cuts off Roy's arm. And then the dumbest thing ever happens to further cement how moronic "Cry for Justice" is, and in particular, how crappy a villain Prometheus is: HE'S LETTING ARSENAL WALK AWAY!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU COMPLETE DUMBASS?! I don't care how much he's bleeding and dying, how easy is it for him to get away and warn them?!
Linkara: For all his talk about how much of a better villain he is, Prometheus is the same kind of villain, but with some new tricks: overconfident, likes to monologue, makes grandiose assumptions that "nothing can stop him!" He's a Bond villain in a silly hat!
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, we cut to present time, where Roy is in S.T.A.R. Labs under treatment. He's in shock obviously, but they slowly calm him down enough for him to realize what's happened to his arm. Green Lantern explains what happened with Prometheus attacking several cities.
Roy: Tell me you got him?
Linkara: (as Green Lantern) Nah, we just let him go when he said he'd stop the destruction. (holds up pinkie) Pinkie swear, of course. But hey, it's no big deal! (holds up both hands) Double high five, man! (suddenly becomes depressed) Oh, riiight...
Linkara (v/o): Roy knows there's something they're not telling him, and I know this bit is supposed to be dramatic, but frankly, all I can note is that with the angle this was drawn from, Black Canary's chest is getting shoved out, and her expression is like a confused Barbie doll head tilting their [sic] head and going, "Duuuuuuh." But yeah, when he asks about Lian and everyone is silent, he realizes what's happened and goes nuts. It's once again a well-handled scene and completely understandable. Everyone's trying to explain to him, but of course, you can't expect a guy who's just lost his daughter to behave rationally. One good thing I'll say about the art is that it's not just Roy that's crying; you can see subtle touches of tears from the others about the whole thing. Roy finally collapses, though once again, the drama is kind of lessened because there's a tube hanging from his nose. Later, the others are talking about the whole thing. I should note that the Batman we see here is actually Dick Grayson, who took over as Batman after Bruce Wayne supposedly perished after the events of "Final Crisis".
Linkara: And then he came back in the "Return of Bruce Wayne" miniseries. So, uh, when can we expect the "Return of Lian" miniseries, where it turns out that she's just been time-traveling, eh, DC? (sits in awkward silence for several seconds) I'm waiting!
Linkara (v/o): Donna Troy asks Doctor Mid-Nite, one of the premier physicians and superheroes of the DC Universe, about why his arm isn't healing properly.
Linkara: I'm going to assume she doesn't mean his arm growing back, because I may have to facepalm if that is what she meant.
Linkara (v/o): He explains that whatever Prometheus used to cut off his arm infected it with some kind of flesh-eating bacteria that's also made of nanites.
Linkara: I love how it contradicts itself in the same sentence. It is either "nanites" or "bacteria". Or, if you meant the nanites are causing the rapid onset of the bacteria, that'd be fine, (singsong voice) but that's not what you said, Doctor! (smiles smugly)
Dr. Mid-Nite: It with some kind of nanomite--a flesh-eating bacteria.
Linkara (v/o): Cyborg is also working to get a new robotic hand ready for him, which unfortunately is one of those things about superhero comics we have to tilt our heads at: the DC Universe has a lot of advanced technology on hand. Are robotic prosthetics more common in that universe, or do only superheroes get them? Anyway, Green Arrow walks off, no doubt for his date with Prometheus, where he sticks an arrow in his face. Remind me again how he gained access to Prometheus' other dimension? Now it's time for Hallucination Theater! See, another thing about Roy Harper's backstory is that he's a former drug addict. Long story there, but now he's apparently dreaming that his old, dead drug dealer, who's apparently dressed like he was on a tour of the Amazon Basin, is encouraging him to start shooting up again since, well, his life is in the toilet anyway. Roy wakes up and goes to talk to Dr. Mid-Nite, making me wonder how the hell he got out of bed, since it's not like people can just pull out I.D.s and whatnot. The good news is that they've isolated the nanites, but they've already done damage to the nerve endings, which means a cybernetic arm will be problematic.
Linkara: Which means we'll probably end up in a situation like this...
(Cut to a clip of an episode of Red Dwarf, showing Lister trying out his new prosthetic arm by picking up a ball Kryten provides)
Lister: Hand, pick up the ball! (accidentally reaches out and punches Kryten in the face)
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Roy wants to see Lian's body, and Mid-Nite tells him that she's in the morgue.
Dr. Mid-Nite: I can take you down. Maybe we should call Dinah? Have her join us?
Roy: No offense, Doc, but I'm not looking for an audience. I just need to see my girl.
Linkara: Oh, yeah, we have an emotionally and physically exhausted man who just lost his daughter and his arm. I can't possibly imagine anything going wrong with letting him go alone to see his daughter's corpse.
Linkara (v/o): Just to really add that emotional punch to this already horrific act committed by DC by killing her, Roy imagines what it must have been like for her and showing her crying and struggling. In the interest of good taste, I will not be showing those images. Seriously, DC, if this isn't undone in your stupid-ass relaunch, my respect for the creative skills of your company will fall even further than they already did with the act! Later, Roy steals some painkillers and heads down to the wreckage of Star City, and yeah, it's still bad. He goes back to his old place and finds some guys trying to loot the house, beats them up, and Black Canary arrives.
Roy: They have no clue what's already been taken from me.
Black Canary: I know, Roy. I know.
Roy: No, you don't! You can't have kids. So how could you know what it's like to lose your own flesh and blood?
Linkara: (impressed chuckling) Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, boy, Roy! (puts down comic) Was that the stupidest thing you could say! (reaches out and pushes a button) I have turned off the Continuity Alarm, because man, oh, man, that's a continuity cluster crap on its own! (smiles smugly)
Linkara (v/o): Here's the thing: yes, in Black Canary's history, at one point, she was injured, so she couldn't have kids. Now, I don't know the details myself, but I've been informed by those who do know that, due to some events or something, her ability to have children has been restored, but the bigger issue is that Black Canary does have a daughter?
(Cut to a panel of a Black Canary comic that shows her daughter, albeit adopted)
Linkara (v/o): Adopted, yes, but in the lead-up to that idiotic marriage I mentioned earlier... Oh, yeah, that was also connected to "Countdown". It's amazing how almost every single awful comic in the last ten years can be linked together to form a chain of suckage! ...she had to give up her daughter and lose her!
Linkara: Now, admittedly, Roy just went through a horrific tragedy and he's not thinking straight, but hoo, boy, he never apologizes for this or any of the horrible things he's going to say and do. So, yeah, the reader's patience with this crap is already (makes a diving motion with his hand) starting to nosedive.
Linkara (v/o): Long story short, he says he wants to be left alone and Black Canary respects his privacy. Issue 1 ends with him beating up a punching bag before taking some painkillers, even though earlier in the issue, he said the painkillers weren't stopping the pain in his arm. However, the bigger issue is that, in taking the pills, Ghost Drug Dealer returns!
Dealer: Welcome back, buddy.
Linkara: (as the drug dealer) Welcome back to the glory of drugs! Worship at the altar of Snowflame!
Text in comic: Next Issue: Roy Harper... ADDICT!
Linkara: Hmm, I don't think that superhero name is gonna catch on.
(Cut to a closeup of issue 2's cover)
Linkara (v/o): While I normally wouldn't look at it because of the trade and all, we do need to talk about issue 2's cover. There are these two little tidbits. One, the woman he's fighting is named Cheshire (pronounces it "Che-SHIRE"), Lian's mother and a notorious supervillain who once nuked a country. Those scratches on his back? They should be fatal, because they contain poison. Two, Cheshire doesn't show up until the last few pages, so this is one of those covers that spoils an ending reveal and makes it look like the two of them fighting is the focus of the issue, which it isn't! Smooth.
(The comic opens to the first page)
Linkara (v/o): We open on some grade-A nightmare fuel, and I'm not even exaggerating that. Roy is having a nightmare where he and Lian are out in the city, and a Roland Emmerich movie stops by to cause the city collapse and Lian to start falling. He's holding onto her by his arm, which severs off like she was holding onto an Almond Joy. Roy wakes up, out of pain medication and sad because nothing can stop the pain he's going through. So, where the hell is he staying, anyway? I thought it was his old house, but if it's in this much of a good shape after the destruction of Star City, how the hell did Lian die? Furthermore, the TV is already turned on.
TV newscaster: ...still reacting to yesterday's startling revelation that the masked vigilante known as Green Arrow is none other than Star City's former mayor--Oliver Queen. The truth was literally uncovered by Police Commissioner Nudocedra as he arrested Green Arrow for the murder of the man behind the attack on Star City-- Prometheus.
Linkara: (as newscaster) This has been Plot Convenience News, giving you important details when you didn't know you needed them.
Linkara (v/o): The fact that the TV is intact brings up even more questions about the state of Roy's home, if that's even where he is. Anyway, he pulls the TV off the wall and smashes it, Black Canary coming around to tell him the news herself. Aaand why is her jacket hanging off of her shoulder? Black Canary is pissed off at Green Arrow for what he did, but Roy's even more pissed off.
Roy: Prometheus deserved to die for sure. But it should have been me. We cut to Roy Harper meeting with Green Arrow and... Oh, what the hell? Why is Green Arrow still in his costume? He's in prison! Why are they still letting him wear the outfit?! What if he has hidden weapons or explosives or something inside of those clothes?
Green Arrow: Guess it was only a matter of time before they screwed up my life as much as I've screwed up everybody else's, huh?
Roy: Are you friggin' kidding me? You're in jail--big deal. Look at me, Ollie.
Linkara: (as Roy) Oh, you have to suffer through the indignities of prison! Big whoop! Get your own miniseries, ya jerk!
Linkara (v/o): Roy yells at Green Arrow for taking away the only thing he had left: his revenge.
Roy: What now? You tell me. What am I supposed to do now?
Green Arrow: The same thing we always have--you keep going. It's all we can do. I might be behind bars, but that doesn't mean I won't be here for you.
Linkara: (confused) Actually, being in prison means you won't be there for him. Because you'll be in prison.
Linkara (v/o): Roy says he's never there for anyone, and he doesn't understand what he's going through and walks away. Back at S.T.A.R. Labs, Dr. Mid-Nite once again reiterates how they can't just replace the arm because of the nanites.
Linkara: And once again, is this advanced technology that grow entire limbs open and available to the public? And if they can just grow cloned body parts for people, then the hell is Cyborg still, well, a cyborg?
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, Cyborg has created a robotic prosthetic that will work around the damaged tissue, but the problem is that the connector rods have to be attached through the nerve damage, meaning that he's going to be in a hell of a lot of pain. Well, it shouldn't be all that bad. I mean, how many different needles and poking things could there–
(As if to answer him, the next panel reveals a huge-ass prosthetic for Roy, with many screws and cables sticking out everywhere)
Linkara (v/o): SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!! Uh... guys, maybe you want to knock him out first or something? I mean, for crying out loud, it can't be healthy to just shove it in there!
Cyborg: See? What did I tell you? Good as new. ...Sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
Linkara: (thoroughly disgusted by the whole thing) Ya THINK?! Dude! Cyborg! Not cool, man! Not cool!
Linkara (v/o): Roy's hallucination of his former drug dealer returns.
Dealer: Looks like a damn can opener.
Linkara: (dumbfounded) No, it doesn't.
Dealer: No, wait. A Swiss army knife. A giant Swiss army knife. You got a screwdriver in there too?
Linkara: (as Cyborg) And the best part, Roy, is that there's (holds up index finger) a screwdriver in the index finger, too! (as Roy, massaging his forehead irritably) Cyborg, you're not helping my delusions right now.
Cyborg: What was that, Roy? Is the connector rod pinching a nerve?
Linkara: (as Roy, holding his hand up to his ear) What's that, ghostly drug dealer? Kill the President? Collect string in jars?
Linkara (v/o): It's at this point where the nature of his hallucinations really start to make me scratch my head. Sure, I get that he'd want to return to drugs, but the ghostly drug dealer just tells him to keep downing the painkillers, even though, AGAIN, the painkillers don't do anything for him. What's actually causing him to hallucinate? I'm pretty sure painkiller pills don't make you hallucinate, and the initial one was just a dream. I mean, sure, stress or something like that could be bringing this on, but it just seems so... forced. Like they needed to get Roy to a place they want him to go, but instead of having true internal torment, they have this "ghost dealer" to show up and act as Roy's temptation to return to drug use. We cut to Lian's funeral.
Roy: (narrating) Some religions believe that when we die our souls transcend this world altogether--moving onward into the great beyond.
Linkara: And aren't we all looking for answers from the great beyond? Preach on, R.E.M.!
(Linkara dramatically raises his index finger, causing a snippet of R.E.M.'s "The Great Beyond")
R.E.M.: (singing) I'm looking for answers in the great beyond...
Roy: (narrating) But my Navajo upbringing taught me that in death we become one with nature. Though her body may be gone, Lian is still with me. In the earth and the water and the sky. What a bunch of crap.
Linkara: (as Roy) How dare people have comfort and hope in the face of death! Why don't they just get cyborg arms to make them feel better?
Linkara (v/o): Actually, he says he can't feel her presence anywhere in nature, and he handles a pill container of more drugs. We cut to a wide shot of the funeral, and– OH, YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! They're all in their costumes?! For crying out loud, they do have civilian clothes, ya know! There is no reason at all that they should be dressed like this! When Donna Troy's son died, they were all in civilian clothes! Say, how could we ruin the somber, serious attitude of a child's funeral? How about everybody dressed up in bright, flashy, primary colors?! There is something wrong when Batman is the most appropriately dressed for a funeral. Oh, and now it's time for more of Roy's happy fun times as he sees the coffin starting to shake and he runs off.
Linkara: (as one of the superheroes, whispering, sotto) Psst. You think it was a mistake to use the gag coffin in place of the real one?
Linkara (v/o): As he runs under a tree, Roy downs some more painkillers and sees Ravager, AKA Rose Wilson, in a tree above him. Ravager is a whole other can of worms, and the development of her character is something I disagree with most fans on. Most people like the road her character took, giving her a costume, developing her relationship with her father, Deathstroke, but frankly, I don't like the way her development has gone, and this scene helps explain why. During my favorite run of the Titans, Rose was Lian's nanny. She came across as someone in her late teens, if not adulthood, a competent fighter, but completely in control of her life. In the last several years, though, they decided to throw that crap out the window, make her an addict, give her an annoying chip on her shoulder, and have her alienate the people around her. But like I said, a discussion for another time. Here, she tries to comfort Roy and tells him that when she was Lian's nanny, it was clear how much Lian loved him. Roy goes berserk, however, when Mia, the new Speedy, tries to also comfort him. Mia was in charge of watching Lian at the time of her death, you see.
Roy: You left her! You left my baby alone in the house-- while the entire city was coming down on top of her.
Linkara (v/o): I continue to be confused about where the hell Roy's house was, and where the hell the supposed damage was. His house seemed fine! The other heroes separate them, and Donna comforts Mia. Instead of letting Roy stew, like any sensible person would, and allow him to get his anger out more constructively on his own and not at a funeral, Donnna decides to engage Roy.
Donna: It doesn't help, Roy. Pushing everyone away. Believe me, I know what you're going through.
Roy: You don't know jack, Donna. I was there for Lian. Always. You abandoned your family. While they were dying in a car accident, you were whoring through space with Kyle Rayner. Robbie died because you were a bad mother.
Linkara: (as a sportscaster) And... BOOM! He hits it out of the ballpark! He has now become an insane jackass who we have no sympathy for! Bob, what do you think of this? (as a second sportscaster) Oh, I'm right there with you, Steve. Attacking someone he feels is responsible for the death of his daughter? Oh, yeah, we can understand that kind of grief. But then calling a mother who lost her son in a tragic accident a whore? Ooh, there's not enough compassion in the world to let him get away with that one. (as the first sportscaster) And it only goes downhill from there, Bob.
Linkara (v/o): Roy returns home and puts on the robot arm.
Linkara: I love the robot arm can just be plugged in and out so easily. (moves his right hand up and down his left arm) Arm goes in, arm goes out, arm goes in, arm goes out.
Linkara (v/o): He practices his archery with the new arm, but every shot he takes misses. The way the panel is arranged and the way he looks at the new arm, I think it's supposed to imply that the prosthetic is responsible. Pardon me for not knowing enough about archery, buuut I was under the impression that the hand holding the bow was responsible for aiming the thing, and that hand is just fine. If anything, the enhanced arm allows for him to shoot from a longer distance and sustain holding the bowstring for longer periods of time.
Roy: (smashing the bow) Stupid bow!
Linkara: (as Roy) Stupid bow! I hate your stupid face! And you're a whore, too! (beat) I need to think of some new insults.
Linkara (v/o): He throws the broken bow at the target, scoring a bull's-eye. Um... yay? He goes back inside, rips off the arm, and downs some more pills. However, he is interrupted by the arrival of Cheshire, who yells at him for not keeping their daughter safe. Oh, and of course, what do we need in a story about a guy attempting to recover from the loss of his arm and his daughter? A highly emotional and personal character study? Why, how about an up-skirt shot of Cheshire's ass? Just saying. And so, issue 2 ends with her throwing Roy around and he finally collapses in the living room.
Cheshire: You're going to lose much more than your arm. Much more.
Linkara: (as Cheshire) You're gonna lose your TV privileges, young man! (as Roy) But I broke the TV. (as Cheshire) Oh...
Linkara (v/o): People are probably wondering why this comic has been so requested. After all, the first issue is actually not that bad, aside from some minor complaints. The second issue isn't very good, but not exactly up there with the worst comics ever. And it's admittedly hard to make fun of this situation, since it's a very painful and personal one, and something that I'm sure some people have gone through.
Linkara: I do not laugh at Roy's pain. Why would I? I'm just as pissed off about Lian's death. (suddenly smiles smugly) But, man, oh, man... (laughs) Tune in next week, my friends, because what started off as a somber character study about a guy recovering from two horrible tragedies, is gonna turn real goofy, real fast!
(End credits roll)
They actually HAVE grown Cyborg a new cloned body once. It was during that run of the Titans that I love more than any other, so naturally they never bring it up.
While of course there are a number of ways to help someone dealing with a terrible loss, telling them at the funeral for their daughter that they need to embrace others right after they tried to choke someone is probably not going to yield results.
(Stinger: The panel showing Roy smashing the bow is shown again)
Linkara (v/o): (as Roy) Stupid bow, with your stupid string! Man, why didn't I get a bow without a string? Shaft was so right about that!