(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from Rio)
Doug (vo): Well, I'll say this about Rio. Rio looks really nice. Yeah, I think the whole reason this movie was made was so the crew could just travel to Rio to vacation down there, and from the looks of it, they had a really good time. The landscapes, the colors, the cinematography, this whole thing feels like a travel ad for Rio. The rest? Eh...it's exactly what you would expect. And I really mean it. When I saw the trailer for this, my first thought was, "Oh, this is just a generic kids' movie, nothing else to it." And...yeah, I can't be really angry at it, 'cause that's exactly what it gave me, and that's pretty much what it promised.
Story[]
Doug (vo): We center around a little bird named Blu, played by Jesse Eisenberg, who's taken away from his home in Rio and taken to Minnesota, or as they describe it, not Rio...yeah, okay, that's pretty funny. Honestly, this whole first chunk isn't that bad. He falls off a truck and is found by a girl named Linda, who ends up raising him almost to an obsessive degree, like, she even brings him to the prom. Look at the look on the date. That's pretty great. She doesn't really have many other friends apart from her bird, and, yeah, he doesn't really have any other friends apart from her, either. When a bird expert named Tulio discovers him, though, he says his species is on the verge of extinction and he needs to be brought to Rio in order to repopulate. Linda hesitantly agrees, and naturally, they meet up with all sorts of colorful characters, Jewel, played by Anne Hathaway, who doesn't like being there and takes every opportunity to escape, Rafael and Nico and Pedro, who are all wild, crazy birds that don't always know what they're talking about, but gosh darn it, have a heart of gold, an evil bird named Nigel who's trying to take all the birds in that place and sell them off to...bird smugglers...is that a thing? I guess it's a thing. So our two heroes have to figure out how to get back home, get themselves unchained from each other, teach Blu how to fly, and maybe, just maybe, fall in love.
Review[]
Doug (vo): Okay, so if none of that stood out to you in the least, this isn't the film for you. And again, to its credit, I don't think it's meant to be for you. I think it's meant for little kids. The humor in this movie is not awful. I can't think of any jokes where they delivered it, and I said, "Oh, my God, that's painful." It's just standard. The story is standard, the characters are standard, the dilemmas are standard. How many other movies have you seen this setup, these characters, and even these designs in? But, yes, even as a kids' movie, I do expect something a little more, and, yeah, like I said, it does look very nice. I mean, Rio is just beautiful to look at. But I kept hoping for some investment or some really funny scenes or just something that really stood out, and it never came. I'm not gonna lie, I just got done seeing this movie, and I'm already struggling to remember it. How did this movie get a sequel? How did anyone even remember they just saw it?
(Several clips focusing on the musical sequences and some comedic scenes are shown)
Doug (vo): But, yes, if you have kids, it's very bouncy, very colorful, very pleasant to look at. There's songs, not that I remember how any of them went, but I don't remember being annoyed when they played. I remember one lyric from the villain song of him saying, "I'm like an abandoned school, I have no principal". That's... (Chuckles) ...that's so forced, it made me laugh. I remember one scene that really made me laugh. Blu gets captured and he says, "Ha! You think I came here alone? Three unstoppable, super-strong birds are on their way!" And in the cage next to them, there are the three birds, and they say, "Did you hear that? Three unstoppable, strong birds are on the way to save us!" That got a good chuckle out of me.
(Several clips focusing on Linda and Tulio are shown)
Doug (vo): Honestly, most of the time I was watching this, I was thinking I actually would've preferred if we stayed with the humans. I kind of like these two awkward, geeky people who are obsessed with birds, and in different ways. Like, this guy owns this bird sanctuary, where he studies them and tries to repopulate them. She just has one bird, but as you can tell, she doesn't really have any friends and she obsesses over him. So there is kind of this cute, awkward chemistry between them.
Final thought[]
Doug (vo): But we don't focus on them, we focus on these incredibly by-the-number characters doing all the by-the-number things you'd expect in this by-the-numbers movie. I don't know, I guess I'm not upset. Like I said, there's nothing in it that made me angry, it gave me exactly what I thought it was gonna give me. But I can't really see a reason to tell anybody to see it either. You know, you could always just watch a video on Rio. It's probably more educational. Again, I give credit that this movie really is a "what you see is what you get" flick. If you think it looks like a cute waste of time, you'll probably see it as a cute waste of time. If nothing grabs you in the trailers, nothing's gonna grab you in the movie either. There's nothing that bad, but there's nothing that great. Yeah, sorry I couldn't be more enthusiastic or angry or whatever you were expecting from this. It just kind of exists. But for a movie that exists, it...exists. I don't know. Bye.
(The film's final scene, showing Blu and Jewel flying with their kids, the human owners, and their friends through the Rio skyline, is shown)