Channel Awesome
Red Hood and the Outlaws #1

At4w red hood and the outlaws 1 by mtc studios-d7e59gt-768x339.png

April 14, 2014
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Red Hood and the two other characters who get screwed over.

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Yeah, we're finally talking about this one.

(Shots of the "New 52" series are shown)

Linkara (v/o): I've made it no secret my disappointment and frustration with most of DC's "The New 52". Hell, all you have to do is go look at my four-part review of "The Culling" for that. But this comic in particular has been hanging over the show ever since it came out in September of 2011, and many expected it to be the first comic of "The New 52" to be reviewed. So, let's get down to nitty-gritty. Starfire and Roy Harper, you should be aware of by now, thanks to last year's "March of the Titans", as well as the anger-inducing "Cry For Justice" and the laughter-inducing "Rise of Arsenal". But what about Jason Todd? Sure, I've talked about him before, but that was waaaay back around the "Countdown" reviews, and it's been recently brought to my attention how many of my fans haven't actually watched every episode of Atop the Fourth Wall...

Linkara: (pointing to camera) ...which you should all be doing, by the way! (shrugs) What? It's only 300 episodes. You can plow through that in a week. What's going on in your life that's so much more important than an Internet reviewer who rants about comic books?

Pollo the Robot: (offscreen) Would you like the list in alphabetical order?

Linkara: Shut up!

Linkara (v/o): But anyway, yeah, Jason Todd. Because Dick Grayson was starring almost full-time in "The New Teen Titans", it was decided to graduate the character into his own new identity and give Batman a new sidekick. Thus, Jason Todd was created. At the time, Jason Todd was basically a carbon copy of Dick Grayson: a circus performer whose parents were killed by a criminal, in this case, Killer Croc. Post-"Crisis on Infinite Earths", his origin was revised so that he was a street punk who Batman discovered trying to steal the tires off the Batmobile. Batman adopted him to try to keep him from becoming a criminal, and he was a bit of a rougher, tougher Robin who was prone to defying Batman's orders. Todd had apparently become unpopular with readers, and it was decided to end his career as Robin. However, a vote was set up over whether or not Jason should die. A 1-900 number with votes either to kill him or let him live. Art was commissioned for either side of the incident in case it went either way, though frankly, his survival after being beaten with a crowbar and then an explosion is pretty amazing, all things considered. There's a rumor, never confirmed, that someone set up an auto dialer into the 900 number to kill him, allowing for an additional 200 votes that pushed it over the edge and made sure Jason would die. And he did. And frankly, I'm glad he died.

Linkara: I know I'm usually the first guy to be pissed off at character death in superhero comics, but honestly, history has shown over the last twenty-plus years that more stories could be told with his death than his continued life.

Linkara (v/o): It paved the way for character development for Batman, the introduction of Tim Drake as Robin, and just a constant reminder that kids dressing up in bright clothing to fight crime is not necessarily going to have a happy ending. But then about ten years ago, they brought him back to life. This pre-theme song sequence is going on too long as it is, so I won't go into the details. And while that opened up a lot of potential stories, possibly even as many as could be done with his death, they screwed the pooch on it. See, Jason Todd is really only interesting back to life as a foil for Batman, a new addition to his rogues gallery, someone who can challenge him on an emotional and physical level and know him inside and out. Instead, DC keeps trying to push him as an antihero! We saw that in "Countdown" and we see that today with "Red Hood and the Outlaws". He's just not interesting enough! He's not cool, he's not jokey enough to be funny, and he's got daddy issues up the wazoo when it comes to Batman. Jason Todd is not an antihero, he's a tool! An annoying, grim, boring TOOL!!

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up today's comic) "Red Hood and the Outlaws #1" and watch me repeat the same arguments that everyone else had two-and-a-half years ago!

(AT4W title sequence plays, and the title card has some dialogue by the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang in the background)

Tom Servo: Say, fellas. There sure is a lot of skin in this movie, isn't there?

Mike Nelson: There sure is!

Crow T. Robot: (as Jimmy Durante) Yet, despite all the acres of flesh in this film, I just can't come up with a word that describes it!

Servo: Well, I can...

(Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)

Linkara (v/o): The cover is okay. Well, at first it's okay. Then when you stop and think about it, it's kind of dumb – yet also kind of funny. See, in theory, it's a standard group shot, but done very dynamically, with the three main characters firing their weapons, looking kind of badass and cool. And because there are only three of them, they're put in this line down the center and allowed to fully show off their movements. I do appreciate the fact that they're not just standing like a normal team book would have them doing... except now we get to the very bottom of the page, where there are apparently several people holding guns and knives and weapons and aiming them at our heroes, who are all firing in every direction except right in front of them, where the visible threat to them is. Our heroes literally cannot aim to save their lives! And yet, you'll also notice that all the guns are aimed at the Red Hood, meaning he is essentially a meat shield for the characters we actually give a damn about. Oh, but there's so much more dumb we can point out. There's of course Arsenal's stupid trucker hat, which I have expounded upon before in how lame it looks. He doesn't even try to make it match his outfit; it's just he saw a baseball cap somewhere and put it on! Oh, but the cover gives us a whole new dumb: namely, that he's holding his bow and arrow horizontally! The way he's holding it, especially in this action pose, means that his arrows are going to shoot about, oh, five feet, if you're lucky. The longbow he's holding is designed to be shot vertically! It's the way to draw back the string the maximum distance and not hurt yourself when you release the damn string! Not enough draw distance equals not enough power in the shot. Now, artistically, this was done because it fit with the general horizontal motif of everyone else's arms, as well as the fact that if he was holding it vertically, it would partially obscure Starfire behind him. Unfortunately, the end result is that it makes it look like he doesn't know how to hold his damn weapon. An added bonus is that I suppose it makes him look badass in much the same way that it's considered gangsta to hold a gun horizontally... even though holding a gun like that is equally stupid and will only upset your aim. And just take a look at the arrows! Neither one looks like they could've come from that bow with the way he's holding it and the angle he's shooting.

Linkara: Maybe whoever they're shooting at is taking pity on him and throwing the arrows back to give him another try.

Linkara (v/o): Oh, and by the way, apparently, he got his bow from Shaft, because I can't see a bowstring for his weapon. Smooth.

(The comic opens to the first page)

Linkara (v/o): We open in the fictional nation of Qurac, where Roy Harper is inside of a prison.

Jason Todd: (narrating) His name is Roy Harper. He's an idiot.

Linkara: Stones and glass houses, Jason Todd.

Jason: (narrating) He came to the Middle Eastern nation of Qurac to help the people here overthrow a brutal dictator. Turns out--surprise, surprise--that the people turned out to be just as bad.

Linkara: Never attempt to overthrow dictators, kids. Turns out the new ruling body will be just as terrible, because that is totally how that always works.

Linkara (v/o): But yeah, seriously, why the sarcastic "surprise, surprise"?

Jason: (narrating) Which is why they hired these mercenary goons to toss him in prison on some trumped-up war crimes.

Linkara (v/o): Aaaand why did they feel the need to do that exactly? Was he rebelling against them now that they were in power? What? I feel like we missed a few pages. Oh, yeah, and Jason Todd, "mercenary goons"? We're going to learn in a little bit that you are a mercenary, too, so... what? It seems someone is here to see Roy: specifically, an overweight pastor from the International Agency of Amnesty.

Linkara: They couldn't use the actual name, (makes "finger quotes") "Amnesty International", because this comic is a war crime in at least seven countries.

Linkara (v/o): And his name? Pastor Beerback.

Linkara: And just remember, Jason Todd was trained by Batman!

Linkara (v/o): Oh, I'm sorry, did I give away the big surprise? Yeah, it's a big, fat suit that the Red Hood is wearing and he opens up his Bible to reveal a folded-up bow inside of it.

Beerback: And in conclusion-- As the Good Book says, "Go bold or go home!"

(Cut to the Cinema Snob)

CS: Matthew: Chapter 5, Verse 14.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Snapping his suspenders makes the suit collapse and lets Jason leap out of it. And he's wearing his helmet. So, the suit was animatronic with the mouth? Otherwise, I imagine it would look something like this...

(Linkara stares at the camera, his mouth open, while his voice is heard, presumably coming from inside him somewhere)

Voice: Pardon me, sir, I am totally a pastor and not a guy in a suit.

Linkara (v/o): So they quickly begin firing at the prison guards and the people high above, who were also firing guns. I don't know, were they mercenaries? Prison guards? None of them were wearing body armor like the regular prison guards were. ...And outright killing them. And that includes Arsenal. And while killing people does upset me with superheroes, this is supposed to be a book about antiheroes led by Jason Todd, so I'm not all morally outraged that a book featuring characters called The Outlaws are gunning their enemies. What does upset me is Roy Harper doing it. See, people were wondering if "The New 52" was gonna make me happy, because they clearly undid "Cry For Justice" and "Rise of Arsenal" with the reboot... except they also undid Lian herself and any kind of character development for Roy Harper from the last twenty, thirty years to put him in a stupid trucker hat, because that is improvement, apparently. They escape the prison, and we see Roy shooting multiple arrows at once – poorly, because clearly, one has barely left the bow before he loads two more in. One could argue that he's just that fast. I say he's holding the bow sideways again and accidentally let one go early, although there is another on the side there, meaning he could be letting go of multiple arrows at the wrong time. And nothing like some lazy artwork, too. Most of this comic features either blank or gradient backgrounds, like this was a friggin' mid-'90s Image Comic. Anyway, Roy asks Todd if he finally broke down and asked Batman for keys to the Batmobile.

Jason: Something like that.

Linkara (v/o): And we reveal a small jeep.

Jason: Hop in.

Linkara (v/o): Roy has no response.

Jason: Roy Harper, speechless? You just made this whole trip worth it.

Roy: I wonder if it's too late to get my cell back?

Linkara: (sarcastically) Oh, no! A jeep! (shrugs in disgust)

Linkara (v/o): I don't get it. Why the hell do you care how you escape your execution, asshole? The two apparently have a history together...

Linkara: Not like that!

Linkara (v/o): ...because they're seemingly familiar with each other to where Roy also says that Todd convinced him to become a mercenary. Hey, you know what comic was also about a group of mercenaries?

(Cut to a shot of another DC comic...)

Linkara (v/o): A book called "Secret Six". It was about a group of D-list supervillains of questionable moralities engaging in, at times, very dubious activities. It was a New York Times bestseller and was one of my favorite comics ever made. It got canceled in the wake of "The New 52".

(Cut back to "Red Hood and the Outlaws")

Linkara (v/o): We got to have these mercenaries instead!

Linkara: It just makes me so happy to know that Satan has such a big influence on the comic industry. Welcome to the Thousand Years of Darkness, everyone!

Roy: Tanks!

Jason: Don't mention it.

Roy: No, I mean real tanks...

Linkara: (ponders what he just read briefly) Okay, that was funny. You got me that time. Hey, how about a terrible joke to counterbalance that?

Roy: I hope you have at least one good backup.

Jason: 38 of them.

Roy: (narrating) I don't get it. Who do we know who carries a pair of 38s?

Linkara (v/o): Turn the page and... Starfire.

Linkara: Get it? The joke is, she has large breasts! So, when DC decided they wanted a new audience with "The New 52", what they meant was they wanted to appeal to very immature twelve-year-old boys?

Linkara (v/o): It's such a lame, pathetic setup for the boob joke. I'm assuming Roy meant a pair of .38-caliber guns, as in regular friggin' handguns. Why would he think Jason Todd was referring to someone who would wield handguns versus TANKS?! Why wouldn't he just think he meant, "He has 38 different plans"? But without that, we wouldn't have the "cleverness" of the boob joke and a chance to show off Starfire's godawful costume. It's shoulder pads connected to a collar, knee-high boots, a thong, and whatever the hell those purple things are covering her nipples. It's not even that there's so little clothing; she's had outfits like that before. It's that the outfit doesn't even make sense for her to be wearing. It's supposed to be armor of some kind. What's the point of armor that doesn't COVER ANYTHING?!? And yeah, I know her powers are based on absorbing sunlight, but why does that mean only her nipples and her shoulders need protection? She can fly, so why doesn't she have armor over her torso, but leave her legs exposed? But hey, at least her hair is still absurdly long, so they got that down, at least, and her body contorting like a snake here.

Linkara: Now, some of you would say that's just alien biology. I call it the artist being a dumbass and drawing a scantily-clad woman that way. Keep paying attention to the next few pages, and then you decide for yourselves which of the two is more likely.

Linkara (v/o): By the way, I wasn't kidding earlier about them wanting to appeal to twelve-year-old boys seemingly. Back when "The New 52" launched, DC would have several polls they were holding about who their audience was, finely trying to analyze statistics for who the reading audience was. Eeeexcept, the thing is, both the online polling software and the pollers that they sent out to comic book shops were actively trying to dismiss anyone who wasn't the targeted demographic. If you were outside of that young male targeted demographic, you were either ignored by the pollsters, insulted by the pollsters, or the polling software would say, "Whoops, sorry, we're not interested in hearing anything more from you," because it's better to make up who your audience is rather than acknowledging the reality of the situation.

(Cut back to Starfire)

Linkara (v/o): So anyway, Starfire's backstory is basically the same here: she was an alien princess who was sold into slavery as a peace offering and was experimented on, which granted her the star bolts that she fires.

Roy: Is she with you?

Jason: With us, yeah. But yeah, she's been "with" me.

Linkara: (looking up, frowning) You know, it was retconned in Issue 6 to make it clear that the two never slept together. And in fact, in this trade collection, (looks at comic) Issue 6 is placed before Issue 1 to make that fact perfectly clear from the get-go. Congratulations! Instead of making it an issue of promiscuity in a character, you turned your title character a lying asshole who brags about his nonexistent sexual conquests. (gives a thumbs-up)

(Cut to Dr. Linksano, who rises up, cackling)

Dr. Linksano: We'll be right back... with some SCIENCE!

(He cackles again as the AT4W logo appears in the corner and we go to a commercial break. Upon return, we see Dr. Linksano again)

Dr. Linksano: And now we're back! ...With, uh, slightly less science than I thought we would have.

(The AT4W logo appears in the corner. Cut back to the Red Hood comic as the review resumes)

Roy: No way. A girl that classy isn't going to lower herself to a you.

Jason: What can I say? Chicks dig me. It's the giant red helmet.

Linkara: Yeah, it makes a great target.

Linkara (v/o): Jason sends her off ahead to destroy anything else in their way, but now we cut to three weeks later, and (dramatically, with an echo) TIME FOR FANSERVICE! In this case, Starfire, with even larger boobs, in a string bikini in the water. You know, there's honestly nothing wrong with fanservice in itself, but if you've been watching my show for any amount of time, it should be pretty damn clear by now that we never get fanservice shots like this of the male heroes. And this is pretty standard for female heroines. Hell, the bikini doesn't actually cover any more than her regular outfit does, so why even bother changing into it? Oh, well, her shoulders needed to be a deeper orange. That's your justification, I guess. The worst part about this is that this is actually an improvement on the original artwork. Barely, but still an improvement.

(A shot of the original scene is shown, with Starfire's breasts uncensored (and covered over with black bars))

Linkara (v/o): The original bikini coloring was in fact more transparent, and you can see just enough of her nipple that I have to censor it here. So anyone trying to argue that this scene served some sort of purpose...

(Editor's note: "Probably didn't need the second censor bar, but just to be safe...")

Linkara (v/o): ...about showing Starfire as having less inhibitions or something, just remember, somebody actually thought it would be okay to have pretty much nudity to that degree in a comic rated T for "teen".

Linkara: In other words... no, this scene exists because someone wanted to jerk off to it and thought others should as well.

Linkara (v/o): Starfire's narration captions say that she knows she shouldn't be on this planet, that she's not wanted here, but she has no other options.

Starfire: (narrating) Besides, those two humans make me laugh.

Linkara: Having read the first several issues of this comic, I'm having a hard time remembering a single time when Starfire laughed. Or even smiled.

Starfire: When I can tell them apart.

Linkara (v/o): We'll get back to that in a minute. Oh, and hey, a little kid taking pictures of her with his Pokedex and uploading them to the Internet. Oh, and for all of you out there that prefer butts over boobs, here's the bikini from behind! For no reason! And again, to highlight the difference in sexual standards here, we have Roy Harper lounging around in swim trunks that are not semitransparent and would show off his penis or his ass. Roy asks Jason if he's worried about Starfire finding out about the fact that Jason used to try to kill Dick Grayson, age whatever in the "New 52". But he says it's a nonissue.

Jason: Turns out Tamaraneans don't see humans as much more than sights and smells.

Linkara: (as Jason) Speaking of, she told me to tell you the Axe body spray was a very bad idea.

Jason: And they have a terribly short attention span about all things Earth. Seriously, when you get a chance, ask her about the gang you used to hang with. Nothing.

Linkara: Well, to be fair, how many people really remember that Arsenal used to lead the Dan Jurgens Teen Titans for a while anyway?

Linkara (v/o): Also, we'll get back to that "Tamaraneans can't remember stuff about humans" thing in a minute. In the meantime, a shadowy figure appears behind Jason Todd and asks for a moment. This is a new character named Essence. Only Jason can see her and she's got black eyes, white braided hair, and a full black ensemble. When I first read this book back in in 2011, I actually was legitimately in this character and wanted to know more about them. Then I actually did learn about them, and it turned out to be kind of dumb. Anyway, she tells him about several murders that have taken place, involving organs stolen from living bodies. Except, in an intriguing bit of mystery, the organs had been removed years before the bodies died, and there were no incisions. Jason says this can only mean one thing...

Essence: The Untitled.

Linkara: Can't think of a clever name for your villains? Go lazy and have no name!

Linkara (v/o): In all seriousness, though, a name like The Untitled could actually work, but you need to have something really compelling and interesting about them to make it work. But back over to Starfire and Roy. And now it's the moment of truth, the thing that made pretty much everybody hate this comic. Here, we have Starfire leaning over Roy Harper to get a towel... with Roy Harper's eyeline...

(Editor's note: "Alien biologies allow for right-angle bending.")

Linkara (v/o): ...looking down Starfire's cleavage – classy – and asking about members of the New Teen Titans.

Roy: You don't remember anyone named Dick?

Starfire: No.

Roy: Garth? Dustin? Vic?

Starfire: I can't recall.

Linkara (v/o): Now, first and foremost, this is headscratching because, as I brought up in the "Culling" review, there was no New Teen Titans in "The New 52".

(Cut to shots of Robin of the Teen Titans in "The New 52")

Linkara (v/o): Tim Drake's group was supposed to be the first Teen Titans group ever. So, apparently, no one got the memo about what was in continuity and what was not – or rather, there was no memo to be got. DC's mismanagement of "The New 52" is well-documented, and as I've brought up in the "Culling" review, stuff got retconned from the initial printing. More evidence that nobody knew what the hell was going on. You don't have to take my word for it. The blog "Gutters and Panels" did a comprehensive look at two years' worth of very public issues of DC, in particular, how many creators left books before their first issue hit the stands or were outright fired. And reports from creators who have left the company altogether all have a similar tune to them: mismanagement, toxic work environment, broken promises, and last-minute changes that ultimately harmed the books.

Linkara: I'd say the inmates are running the asylum, but honestly, at this point, I don't know if asylum inmates wouldn't do a better job of this than the actual people in charge.

Linkara (v/o): Anyway, DC has tried to say, "Oh, well, they were part of a group, but not the Titans." Yyyeah, that's ridiculous, as I'm about to get to. But no, that's not what really is the controversy with this book. After listing two more names of people, Starfire says...

Starfire: You are boring me.

Roy: Um, Jason's over there talking to himself.

Starfire: And we're here. Do you want to have sex with me?

Linkara: (inhales) Sooo... in the revised universe, as established in this issue alone, not counting all the stuff that happened in later issues, Starfire is the only female main character of this book and is a promiscuous alien who wears very little clothing, is easily bored by someone asking about people she's supposed to know, and cannot differentiate between humans, nor recall any people she's supposed to have known for years. Starfire is basically a sexual goldfish. (shakes head) Where to start?

Linkara (v/o): Well, let's avoid the controversy and utter stupidity of that for a moment and just look at a matter of simple logic. Even if it wasn't the New Teen Titans that she was a part of, she was apparently a part of some group that Roy was on and had first-name basis with for an extended period of time, with people she would form close relationships with. Nobody noticed that she had a memory problem? And it never came up before? Now, this was apparently later retconned to say that this was all bullcrap, and she was lying about not remembering anyone.

Linkara: DC Comics, where retcons are the only tools we have to fix things!

Linkara (v/o): And that's not even getting into how piss-poor the artwork on Starfire is from panel to panel. It looks like she's being drawn by different artists, with her character models shifting proportions and trying to twist her snakelike spine every which way it can. And in this panel, the roles of Arsenal and Starfire will now be played by two twigs found outside the artist's window. And we'll get back to the controversy at the end, but let's go back over to the potentially interesting things. Jason says that even if what Essence is saying is true, it has nothing to do with them, that the Untitled are the enemy of something called the All Caste. However, Essence reveals that the All Caste are now the all dead.

Jason: That's... impossible. The All Caste is without any known equal. Nothing short of an alien invasion could do that.

Linkara: Well, this is a superhero universe. Alien invasions are about as common as radiation causing superpowers. It's possible that you missed one.

Linkara (v/o): Essence begs Jason to look into this, and after he agrees, she disappears.

Jason: (narrating) Dammit. I so have to learn that trick.

Linkara: Maybe it's not so much that he was trained by Batman as much as it is unpaid internship with Batman that he kept calling in sick for.

Linkara (v/o): So then we cut to Chicago, where a guy is looking at several computers when he receives a message alerting him of the pictures of Starfire that the little kid took.

Man at computers: A Tamaranean. On Earth. At last.

Linkara (v/o): Mind you, the comic suggests that the guy had software that was constantly scanning Earth for Tamaraneans or something, but knowing this comic, chances are he's just a creepy weirdo who follows the porno Tumblrs of small children. Back over to the team, we see Roy and Starfire asleep in bed and Jason secretly getting his gear and leaving privately. And so, our comic ends with Jason arriving twelve hours later to the Well of the All Caste somewhere in the Himalayas. There are bodies strewn everywhere, and Jason stops to apologize to a dead old lady for getting himself sent away. But then a bunch of bodies zombify themselves and begin advancing on him.

Narrator: To be explained...

Linkara: Uh, comic, you seem to have a lot of faith in the reader to care enough about this series in order for people to want to see the explanation.

Linkara (v/o): So, okay, let's talk about the controversy itself: the stuff around Starfire. Let's get some things out of the way here. The fact that she's so scantily-clad is not the issue. The fact that she is promiscuous is not the issue.

Linkara: Oh, but, uh, anyone who tries to say that Starfire was promiscuous before the reboot? Yyyeah... Remember that last year, I did "March of the Titans", which involves reading over 250 comics, spanning pretty much the entirety of Starfire's character history. (shakes head) No. She really wasn't.

Linkara (v/o): And that's another thing: the fact that she is acting differently than she was before the reboot is not the problem here. The problem here is the framing, the context of this, both in-story and from the perspective of a new comic fan picking this book up. And bear in mind, the only reason a new reader would be attracted to this book, as opposed to a more well-known hero like Batman or Superman, is the presence of Starfire, recognizing her from the Teen Titans animated series, which was and is still quite popular. Well, I mean, I'd assume that's the reason to be drawn to it, unless they're really attracted to Arsenal's hat. The context, as established in the story, is of an amnesiac who has sex because she gets bored, and remember what I said: I have a hard time thinking of when Starfire ever smiles in this series. She doesn't seem to get any enjoyment out of sex. Hell, she freely admits to Roy Harper that (as Starfire) "love has nothing to do with sex," (normal again) which is entirely baffling from a character standpoint, since this is a character who is all about love and emotion and empathy! And some could say, "Well, that just makes her different from the previous incarnation of Starfire." I say, "Okay, but why is that still a good thing to change about her? What makes that a positive difference? How does that still work for this new character and make her a unique entity and not like a dime-a-dozen other characters exactly like this from Image Comics?" But back to the new reader angle. Any high school or college-aged person who wanted to get into comics and was a kid when they watched the Teen Titans animated series is gonna be turned off by this portrayal. And yet, that is the audience DC should be trying to cater to with this entire damn reboot!

(Cut to a shot of a kid reading a DC comic by David Willis)

Linkara (v/o): To quote David Willis' comic about this, the Teen Titans cartoon had two million viewers. Best-case scenario: a comic book will have 100,000 readers. (reads text at the bottom) "DC COMICS: BAD AT MATH"!

(Cut back to Starfire in "Red Hood and the Outlaws")

Linkara (v/o): And that's the framing here for new readers: a vacant, amnesiac sex object meant to titillate heterosexual male readers and seems to have zero agency in her actions. Seriously, if she doesn't have sex because she enjoys it, why is she doing it? It's been suggested to me that the reason why she'd ask it to Roy completely out of nowhere is because Tamaraneans in the rebooted universe remember physical interactions and sensations more than visual cues like humans will. But if that's the case, then why in the hell doesn't she have sex with every person she comes across, men and women alike? If her society does not hold any kind of social or emotional stigma with the act of sex, since they attach more value and memory to a physical encounter than by sight, why does her attitude not reflect that? Why does she not attempt to have sex with friends and enemies alike in order to get more closely associated with them for memory purposes? Hell, wouldn't she want to remember an enemy more, due to the possible ways they can harm her if she doesn't recall them?

Linkara: (massaging his temples in frustration) And oh, my God, I just realized this is the third week in a row with creepy sex stuff!

Linkara (v/o): Well, the answer to why she doesn't is simple: because Scott Lobdell didn't write her with any of that in mind. He wrote her to be a punchline about breast size and to be a wish fulfillment girlfriend who is totally hot and badass, but only comes around when you want her to be there. Thanks for the juvenile depiction of sexuality in this comic approved for teenagers!

Linkara: Not that any of this really matters. It was all retconned away in future issues to undo the damage done here. But for all the reasons I just talked about, (closes comic and holds it up) this comic sucks!

Linkara (v/o): All it is, is a poorly-done action sequence with non-witty banter, and then lame setup for the next issue. There's your comic!

Linkara: And now that I finally reviewed this thing, you guys can go back to requesting I review Sonic comics or something. (throws down comic, gets up and leaves)

(End credits roll. However, they were removed due to ContentID concerns. A brief snippet of "Tubular Boobular Joy" sung by the MST3K gang is heard during this)

(Stinger: Linkara sits on his futon again)

Linkara: I just hope that next week, we have a comic that has less reduction of women to sexual objects. So, uh, (looks at schedule) what's for next week? (reads) "Athena #2"! (looks up with a sour expression on his face) The comic whose title character had more panels showing her naked ass than it did of her talking. (facepalms himself)