Ravage 2099 #1

At4w ravage 2099 by masterthecreater-d66g43a-768x339.png

Released
May 27, 2013
Running time
28:26
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Tagline
Fighting pollution has never looked this stupid.
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Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn, and the final part of 2099 Month.

(Shots of reviews of 2099 Month are shown)

Linkara (v/o): Over the last few weeks, we've seen a good reinvention of an old character, a bad reinvention of an old character, a villain who may or may not be the original character, but in a futuristic setting.

(Now cut to today's topic...)

Linkara (v/o): But what about an original character in this universe who wasn't based on any old idea? Well, thank goodness we have "Ravage 2099" for that. Don't know why the hell we bothered with the name "2099" bit with him, considering there wasn't a modern-day Ravage character in the Marvel universe until 1998, but whatever. Maybe it's like the Nintendo 64, where we shove the number 64 at the end of every game. So yeah, we've got ourselves a bright new character.

Linkara: Aaaand it's considered one of the worst comics ever made, to the point where I have been getting requests to do this since the show began. It's not helped by who wrote the book: Stan Lee.

(A comment on one of Linkara's videos is shown, highlighting his being criticized for making fun of Frank Miller)

Linkara (v/o): You know, it's funny. I've gotten comments that insulted me for daring to make fun of or criticize Frank Miller. How dare I besmirch the good name of...

(Shots of Frank Miller's "ASBAR" series is shown)

Linkara (v/o): ...Frank "'Goddamn Batman', 'out of my way, sperm bank'...

(Cut to a clip of 300)

Linkara (v/o): ...'this is Sparta'" Miller...

(Cut to a shot of the cover of "Batman/Spawn")

Linkara (v/o): ...since he has done so much for the industry and all that jazz.

(Cut to a shot of "Nightcat #1", showing a cameo by Stan Lee)

Linkara (v/o): And yet, whenever I make fun of Stan Lee, nobody is rushing to call me names, insult my views, or otherwise attempt to denigrate me as a critic and human being, despite the fact that Stan Lee has had just as much, if not more, of an impact on superhero comics as Frankie Boy.

Linkara: And let's not get into an argument about who created what characters or who owns what. Stan Lee still had a major impact in creating a lot of mainstream, or at least well-known, Marvel characters in its stable.

Linkara (v/o): What's amusing to me, though, is that Frank Miller and Stan Lee are kind of similar, in a twisted sort of way. They both used to be good writers, but are not anymore. Here's the difference: Frank Miller's writing tends to reflect his political and social views, though he had more restraint back in the '80s and early '90s. Stan Lee's writing reflected writing styles of the 1960s – and he's never really changed from that. As a result, Frank Miller's writing gets worse and more offensive with each new thing he releases, whereas Stan Lee's work gets stupid, but very amusingly stupid.

(Cut to shots of some of Lee's worse works)

Linkara (v/o): For example, superheroes based around NHL teams ["The Guardian Project"], a pop star superheroine [the aforementioned Nightcat, the Backstreet Boys as superheroes, "Who Wants To Be a Superhero?"

Linkara: And of course, "Ravage 2099". So let's dig into (holds up "Ravage 2099") the first issue and see how bad it really is.

(AT4W title sequence plays, and the title card has "The Future Soon" by Jonathan Coulton playing in the background. Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)

Linkara (v/o): Our cover does not show much promise for our new hero. Foil edges, of course, but Ravage himself? Yikes. His outfit is overcomplicated, with random patches on parts of it; a belt around his thigh; lots of padding in places; there appear to be gears on his front, which, given that there are no other gears near them, it appears to be an aesthetic choice versus any actual function.

Linkara: Steampunk – you're doing it wrong!

Linkara (v/o): There's a chain going across his torso and then under his armpit and apparently a belt of thorns. Basically, a costume shop and a sporting goods store collapsed on top of him, and he had to crawl through both to end up like this. It's not helped by the toothy sneer he has and the huge, impractical gun he's firing. Even if Stan Lee was creating good characters into the '90s, this is still basically a generic, gun-toting dumbass, based on this image, with a typical overly-aggressive tagline. Might as well have called the dude "Blood-Gun 2099".

(Cut to the 2099 version of 90s Kid)

90s Kid: Dude! Blood-Gun 2099 is getting his fifth movie back in my time!

Linkara (v/o): We open in a city alley, where a guy is being chased by two flying pods.

Pod: Polluter! Halt and submit!

Man: (thinking) An eco patrol! They found me!

Linkara: My God! Captain Planet finally snapped and has taken over the world!

Narrator: Terror has many attributes! It can be sudden. It can be swift. It can be deadly.

Linkara: (pointing to camera) It can be yours with ten easy payments of $19.95!

Guy: (thinking) Can't let them get me! Not now--when they know what I've done!

Linkara: Dude, you whizzed in an alleyway. If this is New York, I expect five other homeless guys in the alley were doing the same thing.

Linkara (v/o): The guy runs into the sewer to try to evade the "Eco Patrols", but apparently, the environmental protection enforces see nothing wrong with blasting through the roof of a sewer, floating on Spock's rocket boots from Star Trek V, and shooting a guy to death in said sewer.

Linkara: Let this be a lesson, kids: give a hoot, don't pollute... (voice turns ominous) or we'll kill you!

Linkara (v/o): The Eco Patrol phones in that they've killed the guy and summon a disposal unit.

Narrator: Within seconds, a grim, dreaded eco haulage van hovers over the now-silent site...

Linkara: Evidently, garbage trucks of the future are very menacing.

Linkara (v/o): Is it just me, or do these members of the Eco Patrol look like Aaron Stack, the Machine Man? If these guys start drinking and killing zombies, this comic might actually turn out really good. After stating that the threat has been "nullified", we cut to Eco Central, where our main character [Paul Philippe, AKA Paul-Phillip Ravage] is berating the Eco Patrol for not taking him alive.

Eco agent: Subject offered resistance. We had no choice.

'Linkara (v/o): And I guess that's the end of that conversation, since the panel below it instead has him talking to his secretary or whatever.

Ravage: It's happening too often, Tiana! The polluters are being silenced before they can be questioned! I must have one alive-- to lead us to the higher ups.

Linkara (v/o): Wait a second, they're seriously an organized group with a hierarchy dedicated to polluting things?!

(Cut to a shot of "Brute Force #3")

Linkara (v/o): Are they fighting that organization from "Brute Force #3" that wanted to pollute the world and turn everyone into mutant fish people? Uh, you know, also like The Airzone Solution?! In fact, why the hell do I keep running into this?! Why is this a thing?!

(Cut back to "Ravage 2099")

Linkara (v/o): Actually, here's the really weird part. I mentioned Captain Planet earlier, and oddly enough, this guy in charge of the Eco Patrol...

(Cut to a shot of recurring Captain Planet villain Looten Plunder, to whom the guy in the comic bears a striking resemblance)

Linkara (v/o): He looks exactly like Looten Plunder from Captain Planet.

Linkara: I guess, at some point, he switched sides in the conflict and instead became an ecological dictator.

Linkara (v/o): The guy's actual name is Paul Philippe, though for simplicity's sake, we'll call him "Paul"*. His secretary or whatever warns him not tread on dangerous ground.

  • NOTE: He is the "Ravage" of this comic, so he will be referred to as "Ravage" from now on.

Ravage: So long as Eco Central is under my command, I tread where I please.

Linkara: (as Tiana) Sir, don't walk on that lava! (as Paul) I tread where I please! (turns to leave, but then recoils as a blast of hot air appears) OH, GOD, IT BURNS!

Linkara (v/o): He says he's going to alert Alchemax of the traitors in their midst... So... Eco Central is owned by Alchemax? ...and she tells him not to, telling of how her own father tried to warn Alchemax, and that just got him arrested by the police.

Tiana: (narrating) That was the last I saw of him. Within hours, he was on an Eco naval transport, headed for Hellrock!

Linkara: It's not as bad as you'd think. There was just a slipup in the marketing department. Hellrock's name was supposed to be (makes "air quotes") "Mr. Happy's Funtime Amusement Park", but they were too cheap to fix the signs.

Tiana: (narrating) An innocent man condemned to a life among the monstrous mutroids! There's no way of knowing if he's dead or alive!

Linkara (v/o): If that was the last you saw of him, why are there flashback panels of him arriving on Hellrock's beach.

Tiana: Not even the commander of Eco Central is safe from the power of Alchemax!

Ravage: You're wrong, Tiana. No man is sent to Hellrock without good reason!

Linkara: (as Ravage) Obviously, your father was a filthy, polluting Communist.

Ravage: If we can't trust the system, if we can't trust Alchemax, then we revert back to anarchy!

Linkara: Yep, corporations or anarchy! Those are the only two options.

Linkara (v/o): And hey, Alchemax seems pretty on the level. It's not like they try to drug their employees, mutate humans into puddles of goo, bail out murderous psychopaths, or hire leaders of foreign nations. Also, check it out. Apparently, the symbol for the Eco Patrol is a peace sign.

Linkara: Because nothing says peace more like (gives a thumbs-up) gunning down citizens!

Linkara (v/o): Tiana tells Paul that Alchemax put him there as a figurehead, and they won't hesitate to get rid of him if he starts suspecting them. He says he won't hear any more... aaaand... end of conversation. Things are very abrupt in this comic. Some time later, Paul is walking home when he's assaulted by three guys with stupid sunglasses and guns.

Assailant 1: Hey, look what we got!

Assailant 2: We got us a pigeon, that's what!

Linkara: Oh, neat! A gun that shoots pigeons! Future weapons technology is spiffy. (nods)

Ravage: Back off! I've no time to mess with juveniles.

Linkara: (as Ravage, imitating his robotic pose) This is how human beings talk, right?

Ravage: You young fools! I'm the ranking agent of Eco! I could handle a dozen like you before breakfast!

Linkara: (as Ravage) Being the CEO of an environmental agency means that I know kung fu!

Linkara (v/o): No, seriously, the dude just beats them all up while holding this conversation and doesn't even flinch or anything. Like a boss.

Ravage: But if I ever catch you threatening innocent people again--

Assailant: Yeah? Look who's talkin'! What makes a killer like you so innocent?

Paul: Hold it! What did you mean by that remark?

Linkara: (as Ravage) By Jove, I sure am a ranking agent in the future! (puts hand to ear) Hark! What words did spring forth from thine lips?

Assailant: It was my father that you goons murdered in that sewer today!

Ravage: Say it straight! He was a polluter...

Linkara: (as Ravage) Which means it was perfectly okay to kill him!

Ravage: ...and he wouldn't surrender!

Assailant: That shows what you know!

Linkara (v/o): Erm, actually, he explicitly stated that they wouldn't take him alive, so yeah, he does know.

Assailant: Maybe my pa wasn't no saint-- but he sure wasn't no polluter, either!

Linkara: I'm assuming that in the future, double negatives are okay.

(Cut again to the 2099 version of 90s Kid)

90s Kid: Duuuude, of course they are! No way that it won't be okay to not speak in no double negatives!

Assailant: He found out who was behind most of the pollution, and he was headin' for Eco Central to letcha know!

Linkara: (holding up three fingers, one at a time) What pollution? Where? And what kind? This comic seems to be under the impression that pollution is just some kind of element or something in and of itself and not a descriptor for things that happen to the environment.

Assailant: That's why ya had 'im killed-- 'cause you're one of 'em!

Ravage: You're wrong! I never gave that order! But since I've heard your story, I'm going to check it out.

Linkara: So he won't believe his trusted secretary that he has the hots for – he admits it later on – but some random kid assaults him and he believes him without a second word?

Linkara (v/o): He takes the kid, named Dack, with him to Alchemax headquarters, where his clearly evil boss, named Anderthorp Henton – seriously – is trying to pick out which of the three holographic women before him he's going to have V.R. sex with. His choices are a night elf, a fairy, or Tygra from the mainstream Marvel Universe.

Linkara: It's a good thing this panel existed. I wouldn't have believed that he was evil without the fanservice.

Henton: Ravage! What brings you here, Commander?

Ravage: A matter of some urgency, Mr. Henton! And I prefer the name Paul-Phillip*-- Ravage sounds a bit too brutal for my taste.

  • ANOTHER NOTE: Linkara pronounces it "Paul-Philippe".

Linkara: (incredulously) His name is literally Ravage?! (massages his forehead) Ugh! Look, I may have been wrong last week about Tiger Wylde's last name, but COME ON!

Linkara (v/o): Really, Stan? Really? If you're not even gonna try, just name him "Hero von Goodguy" and don't waste our time. So, Ravage tells Henton that Dax... Everybody has weird names in this comic... Uh, Dack's father was murdered because he was going to identify people in Alchemax who were helping the polluters.

Linkara: I really do not get this. Alchemax owns an organization designed to stop pollution and polluters... so they undermine that business... for what, exactly? If this was all just a PR stunt, why did you assign anyone who gave a damn about their job?!

(Cut to Linkara wearing a blue outfit)

Linkara: (arms crossed) We'll be right back, ya Slifer Slackers!

(He walks off as the AT4W logo appears in the corner, and we go to commercial. Upon return, Linkara appears again in his outfit)

Linkara: And now we're back. I love this outfit.

(He walks off as the AT4W logo appears in the corner. We cut back to the comic as the review resumes)

Henton: That's the most shocking thing I've heard! If there's the slightest shred of truth to your accusation, I'll move heaven and Earth to punish the ones responsible. You have my word on that, Commander-- and you too, young man! I'm grateful to you for bringing me this information! I'll contact you as soon as my investigation is complete!

Ravage: Thank you, Mr. Henton. I knew I could count on you.

(Cut to a clip of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang watching The Undead)

Mike: I instantly believe you.

Crow: Sir Gullible!

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Henton's assistant wonders if there may be some truth to the kid's story.

Henton: There's always that possibility, Borgan. I'm afraid you overheard a bit more than you should have!

Linkara (v/o): Aaand he pulls out a vibrator that shoots the guy out of a window.

Linkara: (incredulously) The hell did you that for?!

Linkara (v/o): Look, there's cartoonish villainy and then there's just stupid villainy. He "heard more than he should have"? He didn't hear crap! He heard some random kid claim his father was murdered! There isn't any proof of anything and no connection to you! And now you've got a dead body that's been flung out your window with a weapon YOU OWN!! Now, I'm sure someone will say, "Well, Alchemax controls the police, as we say in 'Punisher 2099'." Except, if that's the case, why the hell did they even bother hiding the illegal activities? Oh, and now he's going to plot to take down Ravage because he is apparently getting too close, even though, again, they have NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! Ravage doesn't know anything and you placated him already! Hell, you could just tell him a week later that you're investigation turned up nothing and there isn't anything to worry about! The guy's dumb enough as it is; he'd have bought it. How the hell did you get so high up in your evil company if you're this stupid?! Ugh! Anyway, Tiana is everybody's secretary, since Henton tells her to open up a conference call with the other Alchemax executives. Tiana decides to listen in, thinking it probably has to do with Ravage's visit. Henton tells the executives about the visit and how they should get rid of him.

Alchemax exec: You are right, Henton! There is nothing more dangerous than an honest man who becomes suspicious!

Linkara: Then why the hell did you put him in charge of your stupid-ass subsidiary?! Just get some toady who will do whatever you want! Nothing about any of this makes any damn sense!

Henton: But we must act cautiously. As head of Eco, he is in the public's eye.

Linkara: What public's eye? We've seen that in the future, the corporations run the government and run the police, so I have to assume they run the news, too.

Linkara (v/o): And if rival companies own the news, well, they're probably telling the news outlets to run negative stories about them anyway. Why not? We've already seen that these companies in the previous 2099 books are complete assholes and don't give a rat's ass about the legality of anything, so having direct control over the news like this, probably flat-out lying about the competition, is most likely common and accepted! Ergh! Anyway, Tiana realizes that Henton is the traitor and that they're going to discredit Ravage before killing him. They summon a "mutroid" to come to the mainland from that previously-mentioned Hellrock and he quickly arrives in the city. Meanwhile, Ravage tries to convince Dack that Alchemax totally isn't evil or anything, but he's not buying it. Ravage goes back to his office, and Tiana tells him about what she overheard.

Tiana: Anderthorp Henton! He's given the order to have you eliminated!

Ravage: Impossible! I just spoke to him. Everything's fine!

Linkara: (as Ravage, waving dismissively) This is nonsense, Tiana. Maybe if you had attacked me first, I'd believe you, but this? (scoffs, waves dismissively) This is just silly.

Linkara (v/o): While the mutroid stomps away towards the building, Ravage continues to be an idiot.

Ravage: I appreciate your concern, Tiana, but you've been working too hard! Take the next two days off. Get some rest.

Linkara: (as Ravage) Your womanly parts are obviously interfering with your logic centers. Stop being a woman and trust Alchemax, (gestures toward himself) like me! I'm smart!

Linkara (v/o): The mutroid arrives and blasts its way in, Ravage summoning security to his office.

Mutroid: Do not fear me! We are allies! I bring you your payment--for betraying Alchemax! --and for security helping us, the legions of Hellrock to pollute the world!

Linkara: (as mutroid) And I am totally speaking the truth, which is why this deal is happening LOUDLY after I trudged through the city in plain sight and laid out the entire deal for everyone to hear! This isn't contrived at all!

Ravage: You're mad! I'd die before I renounce my oath, or help a murderous mutroid!

Mutroid: Do not lie! You have already helped us! Take your reward-- you have earned it!

Ravage: Who sent you? What does this mean?

Linkara: (as Ravage) Me Ravage! Me smart but confused!

Linkara (v/o): Security comes in, having overheard what the mutroid said, and of course, they instantly believe the hideous, evil mutant creature, even though none of this makes any plausible sense. Security doesn't believe Ravage, and they start shooting at him, scarring his face... I guess, I can't tell.

Tiana: Don't anger them-- they'll kill you!

Ravage: You were right! I should have listened! I was blind! They set me up!

Linkara: (as Ravage) Aw, man, I need to get out of here so I can warn Alchemax about Henton! After all, they're still trustworthy!

Linkara (v/o): Dude throws a chair at the security and then tackles them.

Ravage: It's easy to hit someone who's standing still! How come your shots are wild now?

Linkara: (as the guard he's attacking, waving gun around) I don't know, the penciler keeps drawing us like this!

Linkara (v/o): He manages to fight off the guards, all the while exchanging dialoguem though that just seems to be a general trope of superhero comics: fitting in an entire soliloquy before you land a single punch. Henton is apparently watching all this on security cameras while receiving a massage. (sultrily) A little something for the ladies, no doubt. (normal) And he comments on how Ravage is a perfect fighting machine.

Henton: Well, no need to observe the futile charade any longer! In another minute, it will be ended!

(Cut to a clip of Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery)

Dr. Evil (Mike Myers): I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): Since he survived the attack by the guards, the mutroid steps in to kill him, but Ravage does the next rational thing: leap out of a tall window with Tiana in his arms.

(Cut to a clip of an episode of Doctor Who)

Cyber Leader: There is... logic... in what he says.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): However, it seems this was for the best, since Henton apparently had a BOMB in his friggin' office that he could just detonate with the press of a button! Dude, you threw a guy out the window earlier today without consequence! Why was blowing Ravage up and pretending that nothing happened not an option?! Anyway, he has a tape of the mutroid offering payment for help and thus no one will care if he dies. His masseuse compliments him.

Masseuse: You're the cleverest man I've ever known!

Linkara: (as masseuse, holding up three fingers) All two of them!

Linkara (v/o): Henton charges up his vibrator of death.

Henton: Ah yes! I'm clever enough to trust no one who may later betray me--no matter how lovely she may be!

Linkara: Well, then, why not just everybody on Earth while you're at it?!

Linkara (v/o): Fortunately for Ravage, he survived by grabbing a ledge. He refuses to call for help, since they need to pretend they were killed in the explosion. They swing into a window and meet up with Dack, handing over his credit card that I guess isn't traceable in the future, and Ravage says that it'll be enough money for the two to live on, especially since they need to think that Tiana is dead, too.

Ravage: I should'a listened to you, kid, but I was too smug!

Linkara: Smug, stupid, potato, potato. (pronounces them "po-TAY-to" and "po-TAH-to", respectively)

Linkara (v/o): He tells them not to leave, and that he'll be back.

Ravage: Paul-Phillip? [sic] He's dead! Ain't no one here but Ravage! And they're gonna tremble when they hear that name!

Linkara: They'll more likely tremble because your speech style has changed. I'm tempted to give you a stereotypical Brooklyn accent now.

Linkara (v/o): Ravage breaks into a junkyard and knocks out the guards, putting together his uniform. Yes, he literally makes that outfit we saw on the cover... out of junkyard parts. To be fair, I actually do like this suiting-up montage, but then again, I just like suiting-up montages. He even has a little Chevrolet hubcap as a buckler shield. What's even better? Those gears I talked about earlier? Check it out. He's literally just sticking them on the armor. It is just for aesthetic value.

Ravage: I used to think violence was the last resort of a savage! I still do! But when the world's a jungle, the savages take over!

Linkara: Or... the guys with bigger guns.

Linkara (v/o): And take a look at this outfit in all its ridiculous glory.

(Cut to a clip of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang watching The Undead)

Mike: (as a guy dressing as a knight) There, sure glad I don't look stupid in this.

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): Hmm... But now he's gonna need a way to move around with all that heavy scrap on him.

Ravage: That garbage truck--must'a been here since the turn of the century! It's old and rusting--but look at the size of her-- the power!

Linkara: (as Ravage) Sure, the entire transmission's gonna blow out of her, and the brakes don't work, and the suspension is rusted to the point where it'll fall to pieces when I start her, (holds up fist) BUT LOOK AT THE POWER!

Ravage: She's solid steel-- bigger and stronger than the plastic junk they make today!

Linkara: Ravage's hobby is old G1 Transformers. He can't stand anything made after the Die-cast era.

Linkara (v/o): And for some reason, the truck is still functional and has a full tank of gas. Naturally, Ravage can hotwire it, because shut up. And he breaks it out of the junkyard. Oh, yeah, and just look at that thing. You're completely inconspicuous, Ravage. Good job.

Ravage: Awright! I got my wheels and I'm loaded for bear! They have beaten Paul-Phillip-- but now they'll have to answer to Ravage!

Linkara (v/o): And so, our comic ends on Hellrock, where there also happens to be a castle. Its owner? Dethstryk. Yes, "Dethstryk" without an A and a Y instead of an I.

(Because Poor Literacy is... KEWL)

Linkara (v/o): And of course, Dethstryk has his own fortune-telling lady just like Doctor Doom, who tells him that Ravage is destined to be his greatest foe. Speaking of, dude looks like a Doctor Doom ripoff, but with a silly white wig attached to his helmet. Hell, it even looks like he has an armored mustache.

Linkara: (holds up comic) This comic sucks – big time!

Linkara (v/o): The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, Ravage is an idiot, the villain is an idiot, Ravage's outfit is ridiculous, the pollution thing is stupid and ill-defined about what exactly the polluters are doing, and it's just a big, incoherent mess!

Linkara: And so ends 2099 Month, with a horrible comic that wasn't indicative of the real strengths of 2099: reimagining old characters in new and interesting ways.

(We then cut back to the 2099 version of 90s Kid, who starts to fade)

90s Kid: Whoa... D-Dude, I can feel it! I'm going back to my own time!

Linkara: (waving) Then farewell, stranger! Say hi to Linkara 2099 for me.

90s Kid: (giving a double thumbs-up) Will do! Cleax out!

(He disappears completely. Then the present-day version of 90s Kid appears in his place)

90s Kid: Duuuuude! I just got back from the FUTURE!

Linkara: Were you able to get some lotto numbers?

90s Kid: Yeah, but unfortunately, I copied them over to a USB drive that only works if you got a floppy disk drive, too.

Linkara: Well, good try anyway.

90s Kid: (snaps fingers) Oh, but I did bring back this... (takes out a piece of paper) It's supposed important for you or something. (gives it to Linkara)

Linkara: (taking paper) Huh.

(The paper has some number codes on it, along with a message reading: "PRETENDERS SIT UPON MY THRONE – I REMEMBER MY DEATH – THE WORLD IS AT ZERO, SIX, AND SEVEN – THE BABYLONIANS KNEW THE TRUTH – I AM LOOKING OVER YOUR SHOULDER – CONTINUE TO WAIT FOR MY ASCENT")

Linkara: Doesn't look like it makes any sense. (shrugs) Eh, I'll figure it out later. Anything else?

90s Kid: Not much. The future's awesome, by the way. Lots of guns, lots of mullets... Everything is as it should be. Oh! I got a peek at your future, too. I love your new coat!

Linkara: What new coat?

90s Kid: You'll see. Also, that bit you do with the Nostalgia Critic where you try to sing is hilarious. (laughs) Oh, I got a peek at your new t-shirt designs, too. Love 'em!

Linkara: Anything important to tell me, aside from that?

90s Kid: Oh! (slaps himself on the head) Right, yeah, the most important thing that you need to know is–

(He is cut off, however, as the end credits roll)

My prediction of the future? More lasers, more freedom, and more Batman movies.

Linkara 2099 has a green coat, a brown futon, and organic webshooters.

(Stinger: Cut back to 90s Kid as he finishes up his news to Linkara)

90s Kid: ...and that's how Dr. Insano gets his groove back.

Linkara: Wow, who knew that he rivaled Christopher Walken 2099 with his dancing skills?

(end)

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