Editing Raiders of the Story Arc: Superman

{{Infobox
|Box title = Raiders of the Story Arc: Superman
|Image file = Nc_superman_tas_by_marobot-d4gb1te.jpg
|Image size = 320
|Row 1 title = Released
|Row 1 info = November 15, 2011
|Row 2 title = Running time
|Row 2 info = 19:02
|Row 3 title = Previous review
|Row 3 info = [[The Cell]]
|Row 4 title = Next review
|Row 4 info = [[Felix the Cat]]
|Row 5 title = Link
|Row 5 info = http://channelawesome.com/nostalgia-critic-superman-the-animated-series/}}
NC: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don’t have to, and welcome to another rendition of Raiders of the Story Arc.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The “Raiders of the Story Arc” logo is shown in the style of the “Indiana Jones” movie series, accompanied by Indiana Jones’ theme music)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Have I talked about “Batman: The Animated Series” yet? (A woman is heard screaming, and he reacts in surprise to it) OK, a few times.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Clips from[[Top 11 Nostalgic Animated Shows| “Batman: The Animated Series” ]] are shown)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Well, then, you can gather that it was a huge hit, so with all that popularity, it only made sense for the makers of the show to move onto the next logical superhero… (The front cover to a “Howard the Duck” comic is shown) …Yes, “[[Howard the Duck]].”</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: They took their entire creative team and they went into “Howard the Duck”—“SUPERMAN”!!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Clips from “Superman: The Animated Series” are shown)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Unlike the “Batman” cartoon, though, they didn’t just start out in the middle of the story. Here, they had to go straight to the beginning of his origin and give him—you guessed it—a story arc. But this would be tricky, seeing how most people already knew the story arc of “Superman”: Moses with aliens. (A painting of baby Moses found in a basket in a river with three women and a girl is shown briefly with cartoon alien antennas attached to all their heads) So it would be a little bit more difficult to make this fresh and new.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Does it succeed? Let’s take a look.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The first episode begins)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So we get our first episode “The Last Son of Krypton [Part I].” Yeah, last one until we see the guest star list of future episodes. (Screenshots of characters voiced by various guest stars in the show are shown quickly) We get a look at Superman’s father Jor-El, who is very happy that his science suit is able to hold all of his chin.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Jor-El is collecting data from a hole in an ice field on Krypton)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: Gathering readings for final subterranean probe.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Jor-El is suddenly attacked by a Kryptonian creature)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): He suddenly gets attacked by a Metroid monster but manages to fight it off and continue with his research. Research that a giant computer named Brainiac is very interested in knowing.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Brainiac: The planetary council demands that I analyze your data.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: People don’t like to be spied upon.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover as Brainiac): I’m sorry, Jor-El. This cartoon series is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So we see that Krypton is a little bit more diverse than it is in the other movies. Not only do they have black people on Krypton, but also British people, too. ''Real British'', not that fake British that [Marlon] Brando was trying to pull off.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lara: They’ll start going over the data. I keep thinking what if it supports your theory. What then?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: We can deal with it.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): This is Lara, Jor-El’s wife. And of course, his son Kal-El, which begs the question: Is the last name in this family L? (An image of L from the anime “Death Note” is shown quickly) They go back home to look over the data they discovered. But Lara’s father—played by Tony Jay—is not enthusiastic and tries winning his daughter over to his side.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Sul-Van: If he persists in predicting the end of the world, it’ll be the end, alright; of his political and professional career.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lara: But what if he’s right, Father?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Sul-Van: Try convincing the council! He has one support of his theory.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Claude Frollo (from Disney’s “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”): (sings, dubs over Sul-Van) The world is cruel, the world is wicked / It’s I alone whom you can trust in this whole city / I am your only friend.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: Why is that, Sul-Van?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Sul-Van: Because you can never be wrong, Jor-El.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: I never let my ego get in the way of the facts.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Kal-El and a white puppy playing with a ball together)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Sul-Van: Well, let me let you in…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (Voiceover): Dude! They had dogs on Krypton? How is it the evolution of this planet is almost exactly the same as Earth’s? It creates creatures that look like Flying Spaghetti Monster mucus, and yet it still somehow produces human beings and dogs? How does that work?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to a profile picture of Charles Darwin being voiced and animated by NC)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Charles Darwin: (with his eyes rolled up) I don’t know. Maybe God made them.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Back to the episode)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Jor-El goes to the council and pleads his case.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: Please no doubt that the planet’s core is undergoing a mounting chain reaction that will eventually destroy Krypton!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Science Council Member #1: Lunacy!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Science Council Member #2: Ask Brainiac.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Science Council Member #3: Yes!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (laughs at the tall, angular designs on the shoulders of the council’s outfits) Nice outfits there, guys. Today’s wardrobe is brought to you by the letter M. (The letter “M” appears bottom left of the screen)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Brainiac: As I’ve stated before, the temblors are the result of a slight polar shift.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: He’s wrong! He doesn’t know!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Science Council Member #4: He was built to monitor all of Krypton, and, as I might add, served us far better than upstart scientists with apocalyptic visions!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Yeah, come on. Don’t you know it’s the job of conservative news programs to tell you it’s the end of the world? (A screenshot for a promo of Fox News Channel is shown briefly)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: Act now and we can save everyone.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Council Member #4: And how do you propose to do that?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: Put everyone in the Phantom Zone.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The council members mutter to themselves at such a ridiculous proposal)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: The Phantom Zone? I wonder what’s in there. (He picks up a remote to aim at the camera and flip to [[Elisa Hansen]] next to her huge collection of “Phantom of the Opera” memorabilia and with the caption “Phantom Zone” below her)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Elisa: (sings in an over-the-top fashion) Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(NC screams and readies himself to flip back)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Elisa: (sings) Darkness stirs…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Channel flip back to the episode)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: We can restore ourselves later, on another planet. (The council members have started to leave) I’ve built a ship! Listen! Please!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But nobody believes his story, and Jor-El is stuck trying to find answers, only to discover that Brainiac has been lying the whole time.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: You’re transmitting your memory to a satellite…saving yourself!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Brainiac: Am I not the repository of all Kryptonian knowledge? If the council knew that Krypton was doomed, they would frantically put me to work on calculating an evacuation plan; a futile gesture, given the time remaining.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Well, wait a minute. Jor-El built a ship, and they both must have known for the same amount of time that the planet was doomed. Why ''could'' he come up with an evacuation plan? Hell, Jor-El had a plan ready to go! Why didn’t Brainiac just say…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Brainiac) Bitches, you’re screwed. Pile into Jor-El’s car. It’s a six-seater.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (normal) But the guards locate him and try to shoot him down.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The guards chase Jor-El all around the city and try firing their lasers at him)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): I would say that this scene is ripping off “[[Judge Dredd]],” (a clip of a chase scene in “Judge Dredd” is shown briefly) but that would imply somebody actually saw “Judge Dredd.”</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Jor-El uses his ray gun to aim a laser through a ceiling and make it crumble onto the guards, allowing him ample time to escape)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So he escapes the guards and makes it home, where the family decides the only logical choice is to save their only son.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Jor-El and Lara place Kal-El into a small pod, and she puts in a device shaped like a small box in a compartment next to Kal-El)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: Lara, I could send you with him. There’s a risk, but if I have time to recalibrate the course…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lara: (goes up to place both hands on Jor-El’s cheeks) No, my love. I’m staying with you. (She presses a button to start launching Kal-El into space)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Lara) I’d rather much risk my baby boy being sent into a dangerous world with no adults than leave your side, my love.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Brainiac: Farewell, Krypton. (It turns itself off)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Brainiac takes off as does Kal-El, and the planet meets its timely demise.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Krypton starts to crumble and the citizens scream and run about in panic)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): You know, it just hit me: I don’t think they ever specifically say in this version what it is that destroys them. Is it the inside of the planet? Is it colliding with another planet? Is the sun too close? (Beat) Is it Marvin the Martian again??</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to a clip of the Looney Tunes cartoon “Hare-Way to the Stars” with Marvin the Martian talking to Bugs Bunny)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Marvin the Martian) Oh, I’m going to blow up Krypton. It obstructs my view of Venus.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Krypton is finally shown exploding, causing the whole screen to turn white)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Marvin the Martian: (voice-over from "Duck Dodgers") Isn’t that lovely, hmm?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (normal) As we begin Part II, we see Kal-El crash lands on Earth right in front of a couple known as the Kents.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Martha Kent sighs in awe at the sight of Kal-El and picks him up)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jonathan Kent: Whoa, Martha, what are you doing?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Martha: Who would put a baby in a spaceship?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jonathan: That’s just my point. Could be Russian; a Sputnik baby.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Martha: I don’t care where he came from. All I know is he needs us, Jonathan. Look how he’s reaching out to you.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Ah, yes, to hell with calling the authorities. We’ll just replace the word “kidnapping” with “adoption,” and all our problems will be solved.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Martha: What do you think of the name Christopher? What do you think of…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Kal-El as a teenager daydreaming in class)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Teacher: Clark!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Kal-El has grown up into a teenage Clark Kent. But he can’t help but feel he doesn’t quite fit in.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Young Clark Kent: I’m feeling kind of weird.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lana Lang: You’ve always been weird if you ask me. (Clark has turned away from her with his arms folded; she moves in front of him to get his attention) Hey, it’s Lana. You know, the girl who’s had a crush on you since we were three? You can tell me.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Wait, what?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lana: You know, the girl who’s had a crush on you since we were three?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): OK, anyone who would just awkwardly say that, ''they’re'' the weird ones. I think the only thing weirder is that Clark doesn’t take her up on it! I mean, you’re a teenage boy! I don’t care what planet you come from. Your hormones would grab that Mary Jane Want-Some in a millisecond!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Young Clark: And I can see things, too, like in the gym. (He uses his X-Ray vision to look through the brick wall and see the inside of the gym) Miss Stevenson’s inside putting up decorations for the dance.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lana: You’re saying you can see through walls? So, how many times have you peeked into the girls’ locker room, huh? (She giggles)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Young Clark: Lana!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as Clark) Lana! (He confesses) 12.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So he brings up these issues to his mom and dad, and they decide it’s finally time to tell him the truth. They show him the ship as well as a strange device that came with it.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The device forms the familiar “S” symbol (as one would see on Superman’s outfit), it shines the symbol onto Clark’s forehead, and it flashes him into a different environment, which is the home of Jor-El and Lara)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: Hello, son. You’ve activated the message we placed in your escape rocket.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lara: We are your parents.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Young Clark: (is back on Earth and shakes his head in disbelief while watching the message on the device) No. No, it can’t be true.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lara: You are the sole survivor of Krypton, a planet similar to Earth in many ways. (She gestures to a part of the home) This is our…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(We suddenly cut to an advertisement with people dancing out on the streets)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Young Clark) Whaaa?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Lara) Oh, sorry, son. Advertisements. (A screenshot advertising the logo for Fiat cars is shown with NC’s caption “This Memory Regenerator brought to you by” over it)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jor-El: You may have already discovered that you are much stronger and faster than a normal human being. It will give you abilities that no other human has.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as Jor-El) You may also notice your voice getting deeper, sporadic hair growth, and people’s inability to recognize you if you wear glasses.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Once the memory regenerator has ended, Clark drops it on the floor in disbelief)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Young Clark: I’m not a freak. I’m not! I’M NOOOTTTT! (He punches a wooden support beam, breaking it before he runs away)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jonathan: Clark! Come back!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Jonathan) The least you can do is not run like a complete pussy! You freak.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Clark runs to get enough speed and leaps over a river before landing onto the other side safely)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But he discovers more of his powers and figures out that being a freak is…well, freaking awesome!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to Clark flying back home to meet up with Jonathan and Martha, who both hug him)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Martha: Oh, Clark. (Jonathan chuckles warmly)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Young Clark: It’s OK.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): And faster than you can say “What transition?” he’s suddenly grown up into a man and saving people in Metropolis.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Angela Chen: (on TV) Just ask little Dimitra Evans.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Dimitra Evans: (on TV) I was fooling around with a window when I lost my balance and fell. Suddenly, this big blue angel with red wings came down and caught me. (She starts drawing a picture of Superman)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Angela Chen: (stands at the base of the apartment building) This is where they found Dimitra. (She points upward) And that’s where she fell from; 30 floors up.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as Angela Chen) Clearly, Dimitra is possessed by the devil. Buy your torches and pitchforks here. (The caption “Bob’s ‘Stab em and Burn em’ Torches and Pitchforks 555-KILL” is shown below him)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): This steals the front page of the Daily Planet from Lois Lane, voiced by Dana Delany. And she’s pissed, because despite her wearing a skirt about as wide as toilet paper, she’s not getting the attention she feels she deserves.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois Lane: Some sprouty New Age granola crunching fluffy piece on angels.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Perry White (Editor-in-Chief): Good timing, Lois. I want you to be the first to know I’m hiring a new guy on the city desk.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Clark Kent walks in behind Lois)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: Is he cute?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Perry White: (gestures to Clark) Um, you tell me.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: (turns to see Clark) Oh. (laughs)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Of course, if a ''woman'' says that about a co-worker, it’s fine, but if a ''man'' says that about a co-worker, ''suddenly'' it’s a sexual harassment suit. I ONLY SAID IT ONCE TO YOU, AMANDA!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Lois is teamed up with Clark Kent and they go to cover the latest weapon demonstration from Lex Luthor.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Female Emcee: The next wave in military defense, the Lexo-Skel Suit 5000.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Yes, like in most comic book universes, we’re always looking to make you safer with the most psychotically-designed death machines the world has ever shit their pants looking at!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Female Emcee: Lex Luthor.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Lex Luthor steps out to greet the crowd, who cheers for him)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lex Luthor: I’d like to say that I view the Lexo Suit not as an instrument of war, but as an instrument to end war.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(A blasted hole is made after some ammo is shot through the building and a few terrorists start shooting everywhere)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): LOOK OUT! WAR!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(During the terrorist attack, Lex Luthor steps off the stage casually)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Lex Luthor, in a monotone voice) Oh, God, no, stop. Did I mention I’m the villain? I don’t need to. Bye.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(In the middle of all the chaos, Lois trips and falls before a support beam from up above starts to break and fall onto her, but not before Superman flies in to catch the beam)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Superman) Alright, you get one. But I never want to see you in trouble again, got it? (Superman throws the beam aside) I’m gonna hold you to that! (Superman flies off) NEVER EVER AGAIN!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So the villains try to destroy another plane to get Superman away from them, as this begins our third part of the story arc.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(As the plane plummets into the city, Superman flies in front of the windows where the cockpit is; inside the cockpit, we see that there is an animation error, for some of the controls and screens are missing, and that the city could be seen where the controls and screens should be)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Whoa, wait a minute. (He rewinds the footage to where the animation goof is) No wonder the plane went down so easily! Half of the equipment isn’t there!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Everybody wants to fly Southwest, but then when you see when they cut corners….</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Of course, he saves the plane and a…mime…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Err, thank God.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (Voiceover): And all of Metropolis is amazed.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Perry White: Where did he come from? What does he want? Look who I’m asking.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: (studies a screenshot of Superman flying) Nice S. (Clark and Perry turn to look at her)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (stares in disbelief) I know, I heard it, too. Here’s a clip of something awesome to off-set it.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(A clip of a high school cheerleader doing a flip in the air before landing in the arms of her squad is shown along with a short audio snippet from the introduction to “CSI: Miami”)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Better? OK.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So everybody wants the story on Superman, and Clark is wondering what’s the best route to take.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Clark Kent: (to Martha and Jonathan) Suddenly, people are calling me “Superman.” They want to know everything about me. Some are even afraid of me.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Jonathan: You’ll always be Clark Kent. Superman just helps out now and then.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Martha: Still, it wouldn’t be bad if people knew a little more about Superman. I don’t want anyone thinking you’re like that nut in Gotham City.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as Martha) You know…Spider-something.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Superman decides to give the story to Lois in a not so subtle way.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Lois is driving in her car, and she gasps upon hearing Superman’s voice come out of nowhere)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Superman: (voice) Excuse me, Miss Lane. I believe I’m the one you want to talk to.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: Where are you?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Superman: Just hang on. (He lifts the car from underneath and into the air while it’s still moving)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Superman) It’s OK! I learned this by watching my parents! We just called this an adoption instead of kidnapping and everything will be fine!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(At a roadside lookout, Superman explains his story)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Superman: As far as I’ve been able to piece together, I’m the last survivor of a planet called Krypton.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: Krypton?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Superman: Uh-huh. All I ask is that you tell the truth about me.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: And that is…?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Superman: I’m not here to scare anyone.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: (as Superman) "[[NC - Man of Steel|And if they ever make a movie about my life, don’t hand it to the guy who directed “300.]]” I saw “Sucker Punch”; (whispers) it was bad!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Lois prints the story and people get the info they’ve been looking for. But there’s still the issue of Lex’s missing suit, which Clark now thinks might have been planned so that the Pentagon would pay even more money for Lex to make an even larger one.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Clark: (to Lex) When all is said and done, this could net you a multi-billion dollar windfall.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lex: You’re very amusing, Mister…Kent, is it?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to later with Lois and Clark in his car)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: Nice work, Smallville. You’re only the second person I’ve ever seen getting under Lex’s skin.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Clark: Who’s the first?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: Me, when I dumped him.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Clark: Whoa.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: Ancient history. Anyway, what makes you think…</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Stop, stop!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: Nonononononono! You go back to dating Lex Luthor! Tell me everything! Give me all the details! You can let me know. He’s bald down there, right?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Lois goes to do even more research aboard one of Luthor’s ships. She gets talking with one of the heads of the ship, played by Malcolm MacDowell.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">John Corben: You must know there’s a trade embargo between the U.S. and Kasnia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>We’re part of a diplomatic envoy trying to restore friendly relations. I’d be more than happy to answer any questions that you might have.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(A door opens behind where John and Lois are standing, revealing one of the Lexo-Skel Suits as a worker walks out of the storage room it’s in)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as John Corben) Oh, damn it, Frank! Could you open that door any wider?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lois: I can think of some doozies.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">John Corben: I’ll bet. (He raises a pistol at Lois)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as John) It’s OK. We’ll just say it’s an adoption.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (normal) So they tie her to a pole and get ready to axe her off.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">John Corben: (to his men) We’re clear. Lose her.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (laughs as he speaks) Bet you’ll never guess what’s gonna happen here.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Before one of John’s men could fire at Lois, Superman suddenly flies in through the ceiling to stand in front of her, shielding her from the bullets; we hear Speedy Gonzalez’ “Yee-ha! Arriba, arriba, yee-ha!” as he does this)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): I guess the “S” on his shirt stands for Speedy Gonzalez.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Superman turns to look at Lois)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Superman) Andale.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(As John Corben’s men start firing at Superman, he turns to face Lois and uses his heat vision to break the ropes off of her)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Superman: Take cover!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Superman) Your bra might also be missing. Just ignore that.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to the Lexo-Skal Suit 5000 breaking free from its chains; we get a low-angle upward view behind Lois of her looking up at the approaching Suit; this angled shot is repeatedly shown as NC speaks)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Oh, yeah, they got that angle because it was SOO important to the story! No, really! I swear! They got that angle because cinematically, it just works so much better! It was much more compelling. I mean, what other reason would they possibly—you can’t even hear me anymore, can you? Yeah, well, let’s try this. (A demon face appears to scare the audience, and it screams)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: HA! That’ll teach ya!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Cut to John Corben inside the Lexo Suit and controlling it)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">John Corben: So long, sweetheart.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(After struggling to get up, Superman dashes quickly to grab for Lois before John could fire (the Road Runner’s “Meep meep!” is heard here); John uses the suit to launch it out of the ship and land on a few wooden crates on the docks)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as the suit) Never mind me! Just a giant walking mechanical robot going for a stroll—(Superman comes in to kick down the suit) Ohh, you piece of shit! I’ll stab you in the yarbles!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The Suit slides through a warehouse, and Superman flies to the other side to slow down the Suit as a police car approaches and stops where they are)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (normal) So it looks like this fight is over, and—</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The suit lifts up an arm to fire at Superman, who goes flying into an incomplete building (the Goofy yell is heard here) before an explosion occurs inside of it; the robot starts approaching the building)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Waltzer (from “[[Milk Money]]”): (audio) I’m going to the so’-‘op.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Policeman: (speaks through a police squad microphone to the crowd) Everyone clear the area now!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): But Superman does get back up and puts that evil machine in its place.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Superman knocks off one of the suit’s legs before the suit stands at the building’s top ledge and is about to lose balance; Superman comes up to simply blow at it, making the suit fall)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as the suit) ASSSSHOOOOLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The suit lands on the ground and breaks off a fire hydrant, causing water to spew out)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (normal) So Superman saves the day, but there’s still no evidence leading directly back to Luthor. But that doesn’t stop old Supe from paying him a visit.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Superman flies in mid-air outside of Lex Luthor’s office with his arms crossed as Lex speaks to him)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lex: You see, err…Super-man, I own Metropolis. My technology built it, my will keeps it going, and nearly two-thirds of its people work for me whether they know it or not. Even you have to admit that’s a model of efficiency.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Huh, it’s like Donald Trump, only he knows he’s evil.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Lex: Why don’t you float on in and we’ll discuss it? (Superman is still silent) SAY SOMETHING! (He takes a model of the Lexo-Skel Suit and throws it at him, but Superman grabs it and crushes it in his hands)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Superman: I’ll be watching you, Luthor.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Images of several direct-to-video movies featuring Superman are shown as NC speaks the following as Superman)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (as Superman, who flies away) Though our designs may vary, our voices might change, and we even may work in a few swear words every now and again, I’ll be watching you for a long time.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Metropolis Citizen #1: (points to the sky) Hey, look!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Metropolis Citizen #2: There he is!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): So Superman flies off into the night and everybody cheers! (The episode fades to black) The End—(sudden cut to an alien spaceship in space) what the fuck? (Inside the spaceship, we are introduced to its extraterrestrials) What’s with the walking clitorises?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(A satellite brings its robotic arms out to grab and attack the extraterrestrials)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Extraterrestrials: Get down! Get down!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(The satellite gets up and kills the extraterrestrials before walking away to plug itself into the control panel, turning itself on. He is cast in shadow the entire time, which just makes it worse.)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Brainiac: Brainiac systems activated.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Having full control of the spaceship, Brainiac flies it away)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Well, (sighs) I’m sure he’s just going to enlighten people of the Kryptonian culture in a peaceful manner. (The end credits start to roll) So that’s the Superman Animated Series Story Arc.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: How does it hold up?</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(Clips from the story arc and other episodes of “Superman: The Animated Series” play out as NC speaks)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): Well, for a story that most people already know, it’s a pretty good reinterpretation. It feels a little rushed at times—which is weird; you’d think, being a TV show, they could have as many episodes as they wanted to explain it—but, you know what? It still holds up. The best parts are in the first episode, as you really do feel the dread and despair that’s sweeping over our main characters. But the other stuff is good, too. Superman is good, Lois is good, Luthor is good; it’s a decent beginning to a decent show. If you ever get a chance, check it out.</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC: So, because I reviewed something ''positive'' this week, I’m sure you want me to review something ''negative'' next week. Well, OK. What’s one of the movies that you guys asked me over and over to review—? (The movie poster for “[[Felix the Cat|Felix the Cat: The Movie]]” appears to his right) WHY DO I ASK YOU—?!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">THE END</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">(As the credits roll, we hear NC sing his own lyrics to the tune of the theme music to “Superman: The Animated Series”)</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">NC (voiceover): (sings) Superman! Superman! Does all the things super people can! Fly around! Catch a plane! Never get nookie from Lois Lane!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt">Elisa: (sings in an over-the-top fashion) Silently the senses abandon their defenses!</p>

<p style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt"><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: 'Calibri', 'sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">Channel Awesome Tagline—Lois: Nice S.</span></p>

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