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ROMTROSPECTIVE: ROM Spaceknight #41-75

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Released
February 23, 2015
Time
32:21
Previous
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Tagline
Will ROM regain his humanity?! Will the other heroes of earth actually DO something about the Dire Wraiths?! Will all our problems be solved by an all-powerful being in a disco suit?!
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Linkara (v/o): Previously on Atop the Fourth Wall...

(Cut to a clip of Linkara's first video on "ROM Spaceknight")

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up the first forty issues of "ROM Spaceknight" all at once) "ROM Spaceknight #1-40" and behold the saga of the greatest of the Spaceknights!

(Cut to Some Jerk with a Camera, as he sits in his car, talking on the phone)

Jerk: (gasps) Eduardo got deported?! (gasps again) Eduardo got sold to a law firm?!

(Cut to Lotus Prince, who holds up a computer chip)

Lotus: That's right, Linkara. I now possess all of Pollo's data, and unless you follow my instructions to the letter... Well, I'd say that it would be a shame if something would happen to this little chip, but I'd be lying.

(Cut back to the Jerk, still on the phone)

Jerk: (gasps) Eduardo got fired from the law firm?!

(Cut to Calluna)

Calluna: (crying) The bloodshed, the lives lost, the heartache, those sleepless nights, never knowing... It's all been worth it... (takes a box of French Toast Crunch) They finally brought back French Toast Crunch cereal!

(Still crying, she opens the box and eats the cereal directly from it with her hand. Cut back to the Jerk, still talking on the phone)

Jerk: (gasps) Eduardo thinks he's a chicken?! (gasps) Eduardo got amnesia?! (gasps) Eduardo doesn't think he's a chicken anymore?!

(Cut to Heisanevilgenius)

Heisanevilgenius: (speaking Spanish, with translation subtitles underneath) Mrs. Bananawienerpetermeyer, I'm afraid your baby... is pregnant... with rattlesnakes.

Mrs. Bananawienerpetermeyer: (also speaking Spanish, with subtitles) You slept with my ancestors!

(She pitches a glass of water in his face. Cut to an Asian guy being chased down the street by a dinosaur. Then cut to a guy dressed as a doctor)

Doctor: If I go around the country tricking doctors into thinking I'm a real surgeon and then telling YouTube personalities they need a procedure, I could get every music reviewer on YouTube a lobotomy so I'm the only smart one left ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET! (laughs evilly)

(Cut again to the Asian guy, still being chased by the dinosaur, with the chase now going along a freeway by the side of a hill. Then cut to Ryan Molina talking on the phone)

Ryan: The only thing that you ever cared about was my wallet and my bank account!

(Cut back to the fake doctor, who has shaped his hand like a finger and thumb with eyes on the finger. He opens and closes the "mouth" so that it makes the evil laugh. Cut back to Ryan on the phone)

Ryan: Oh, but I can still pick up my Nintendo 64, right? I left it at your mother's house. (beat) What?! Noooo!

(He falls over on the floor. Cut back to the Jerk, STILL on the phone)

Jerk: (gasps) Eduardo's a figment of my deranged imagination?! (beat, then gasps again) There's no one on the other end of this phone?!

(Cut to two guys, played by the same man, looking one another. One is stroking his chin in thought)

Guy 1: Dammit to hell, after fifteen inconclusive medical tests and a bunch of unhelpful Spider-Man comics, we still have no idea which one of us is the clone.

Guy 2: We must consult the Oracle. Only he is wise enough to help us unravel this mystery.

(They look to a TV, on which a man in a cloak appears, with his back to the two)

Guy 2: Oh, great and powerful Oracle, we are in desperate need of your help.

(The man turns around to look at them, played by this same man as the first two)

Guy 3: Yes?

(The first two guys look back at each other in open-mouthed shock. Cut again to the Asian man, still being chased by the dinosaur. By now, he's quite winded as he continues to run)

Asian man: Why does this keep happening to me?!

(Cut once more to the Jerk, STILL on the phone)

Jerk: (gasps) WHO'S EDUARDO?! (looks up and screams) I'M GONNA CRASH!!

(He covers his eyes with his arms. Then we cut to black)

Linkara (v/o): And now, the conclusion.

(AT4W title sequence plays, and the title card has audio from a commercial for ROM playing in the background)

Announcer: This is ROM, the Spaceknight. You can imagine he comes from another galaxy with his flashing neutralizer. Activate ROM! You can imagine...

(Cut to a closeup of the first issue's cover)

Linkara (v/o): (dramatically) Last time on "ROM Spaceknight"...

Linkara: I spent forty minutes already detailing this stuff already; just watch that video. When you're done, come back here so we can dig into (holds up another batch of "ROM" comics) "ROM Spaceknight #41-75".

Linkara (v/o): Before we continue on with the cliffhanger of last time, let's first take a brief look at one of the ROM annuals. There are a few places, continuity-wise, where this could take place, but it is at times kind of difficult to be certain because of the serial nature of the issues. Basically, what happens is that ROM, on the trail of a large area of Dire Wraiths activity, comes across a group of children who have had a great deal of their life force absorbed by a being calling himself Stardust. The prologue seems to imply that he comes from some kind of sentient galaxy or star calling itself "The Body". It's banished to the depths of space and naturally arrives on Earth.

Linkara: Seriously, did this happen on other planets, too? Do we have a big sign on the other side of the moon saying that we have vacancies and low rates?

Linkara (v/o): Stardust starts attacking Dire Wraiths and absorbing them into its form, in the process actually defeating the Dire Wraiths' plan of jamming devices that would make them immune to detection from ROM's energy analyzer. ROM politely asks for the energy of the kids back, since he doesn't really give a crap if Stardust is killing Dire Wraiths, but Stardust refuses. There's also a backup story set 200 years ago, where ROM is betrayed by another Spaceknight in another complicated gambit to learn the Dire Wraiths' secrets that ended with his death. That knight's name... was Gloriole. Glori-ole!

Linkara: (looking uncomfortable) I know you expect me to make some kind of joke out of that, but... my brain is broken trying to think of something. I'm pretty sure it was completely accidental, too. Nobody caught this! Or they just had a horribly dirty sense of humor about this comic for some reason.

Linkara (v/o): But anyway, let's get back to the main series for a bit. When we last left off, Brandy and Starshine had merged into a single being, but had been mind-controlled by Dire Wraith Doctor Dredd. I love alliteration. ROM had prevented a powerful Dire Wraith creature called "The Dweller on the Threshold" from crossing over to Earth, but was trapped on the other side of a portal with it. So how is ROM going to get out of this one? Well, with the help of none other than Doctor Strange. The good doctor quickly learns of the Wraith threat and how they were hidden even from his knowledge.

Doctor Strange: 'Tis a battle bought for the salvation of Earth-- waged by a man of another world against an unholy harbinger of horror!

Linkara: (as Doctor Strange) I, Steven Strange, am also fond of alliteration.

Doctor Strange: It is not the way of Doctor Strange to remain neutral during such a clash!

Linkara: (as Doctor Strange) I am going to impose so many sanctions!

Linakra (v/o): Doctor Strange travels to the other dimension to aid ROM in his fight with the Dweller on the Threshold, while back on Earth, Brandy as Starshine wrecks Clairton up quite a bit. Even the torpedo is smacked aside by Starshine when he tries to intervene. Starshine and Doctor Dredd teleport away so they can kill ROM upon his return. Speaking of, ROM and Doctor Strange compare notes and use a spell to detect the largest concentration of Wraith activity: in the Soviet Union. Strange teleports ROM there, but unfortunately, he can't work on the Wraith threat right now, due to other threats that call out to him.

Linkara: (incredulously) Okay, like half the Marvel Universe's heroes know about the Wraiths now! Is anybody else actually gonna do something about this?!

Linkara (v/o): Unfortunately, one thing has been made clear from the last several issues, including the one right before this: ROM is miserable and desperate for his humanity again. The Dweller on the Threshold even almost succeeded in tempting ROM with a vision of his humanity. He finds a machine in the heart of the Wraith activity that promises to clone him a new body if he gives up his armor to the machine... and ROM accepts. The computer, Quasimodo, actually has a pretty long backstory, spanning multiple different series, but I'll spare you the details. Basically, he's allied with the Dire Wraiths and he indeed honors the bargain with ROM, giving him a human body again while he possesses ROM's armor. However, while Quasimodo is more than happy to say, "Screw ROM," he also realizes that the Dire Wraiths might at some point declare him a threat, so he uses the neutralizer to banish them. ROM goes through a ton of emotions about the whole thing: happy at having restored his humanity, then wondering if he made the right decision, but ultimately feels that he's done enough. Plus, with so many of Earth's heroes now aware of the threat, Earth is in good hands.

Linkara: (sarcastically) Yeah, they've done such a bang-up job of fighting the Wraiths so far.

Linkara (v/o): ROM soon discovers the cloning technique is imperfect and degeneration will start settling in soon.

Linkara: And after ROM discovers that his original body is still active, he decides to become the Scarlet Spaceknight.

Linkara (v/o): Quasimodo, however, soon discovers he has nothing to celebrate, since Starshine and Doctor Dredd arrive and attack, thinking he's ROM. Before Starshine can actually kill him, Quasimodo finally abandons the body. In his rage over what he's done to Brandy, ROM murders Doctor Dredd and collapses in Starshine's arms. Starshine, now freed of the control, naturally has no friggin' clue how to put ROM back into his old body, but they're aided by a Soviet scientist named The Gremlin. The Gremlin, as it happens, is the son of the Gargoyle, the guy who fought the Hulk in his first appearance. Long story short, he learned that the Soviets are responsible for his father's death and wants the aid of the Spaceknights in gaining his revenge. As it happens, my Clone Saga joke may be more apt than I originally thought, since indeed, the clone is dying, with a separate mind from the restored ROM.

Starshine: Two ROMs?!

ROM: The original and the clone. Both exist now, for a time.

Linkara: (as the Gremlin) No doubt Judas Travel-Wraith will be along soon to make really stupid experiments about this whole thing.

This guide is not complete. Please finish.

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