Private Lessons

Private Lessons
Release Date	November 22, 2021
Running Time	23:52
Previous Review	A Thief in the Night
Next Review	Father Christmas is Back
Tagline	After spotlighting it in the 1981 in Film episode, The Cinema Snob definitely has to do a full episode on Private Lessons!
Link	http://www.thecinemasnob.com/the-cinema-snob/private-lessons

The Cinema Snob: Well, after the (Title card) 1981 in Film episode, there was one movie (Back to the Snob) that stuck out like a hormone-charged thumb that belongs on some kind of registry! And that movie was Private Lessons!

Film clips follow

Snob (VO): The hilarious, shenanigans-filled comedy about what happens when the horny 15-year-old bangs the 30-year-old housekeeper!

Snob: I'll tell you what happens: high-fives and PRISON!

Snob (VO): I always wanted Lolita to be way more like Animal House! (Cut to the poster) Look! He has to stand on books, on account of he's so young! (Close-up on the tagline) Huh? "What happened to him should happen to you?"

Snob: Um, no. My housekeeper was my grandma! You sick bastards!

Snob (VO): Truth be told, I do remember seeing this movie on Cinemax back in the day, (Zoom in on a still frame of...) and probably thought it was yet again Emmanuelle recounting her American escapades (Crossfade to another shot) to George Lazenby on a plane, like in Emmanuelle: The Series! (Opening credits) The film was written by Dan Greenburg and was based on (Cover of...) his own 1969 novel, Philly. (Back to the credits) And there's some other odd names attached to this! Jan de Bont of Speed and Twister was the cinematographer, (Photos of...) it was produced by game show host Jack Berry, and game show producer Dan Enright; (Credits again) though it would be the last movie Berry produced, due to the amount of hate mail he got from the movie! (Credits resume) Directing duties went to prominent TV director Alan Myerson, (Another montage) who's directed everything from The Larry Sanders Show to Friends to Gilmore Girls to Frasier, and most importantly, The Brady Brides! (Back to the film) And now, let's continue with "are you 15 and (Poster of...) can't sneak into Lady Chatterley's Lover, (Back to the film again) but still wanna nail Sylvia Kristel? Then come right on in; the sex has already started!"

Fade in

Nicole Mallow (Kristel): Oh, don't do that!

Phillip Fillmore (Eric Brown): Why not?

Nicole: Because...

Phillip: Because what?

Nicole: Because I don't want you to touch me there.

Snob: I bet they're trying on gloves!

Nicole: I thought you said you weren't gonna do that. I thought you promised!

Phillip: So? I lied. (Nicole laughs)

Snob (VO): Hooh-hooh, I never said anything about mittens! (The movie proper begins) The movie gets to the most important thing first, selling the soundtrack! (Zoom in on a siren) Oh, those sirens don't mean the police are gonna take the movie away, it means they also wanna rock out to some Rod Stewart, and spy on the ladies!

To be continued