Pokemon - The Electric Tale of Pikachu
October 31, 2011
It's Linkara vs. the Entity! But what are the origins of this creature and what does it have to do with Pokémon?
(Open with a black screen, with only Linkara's voice heard)
Linkara (v/o): There is a sound in my nightmares.
(Cut to Linkara where we last left him during his confrontation with The Entity; a closeup of Linkara's eyes is shown)
Linkara (v/o): It is a hiss, a screeching of notes that comes from a game I played as a child. It's shrill and high-pitched, grating on your soul, like nails on a chalkboard. This was no the sound of any natural creature. This was an abomination, a perversion of the programmed perfection of the world. In other times, in other places, and in my book, they called it "The Lost Beast". But to me, it shall forever have a different name...
(Linkara glares, finally speaking and declaring The Entity's name)
Linkara: Missing Number!
(He is standing before MissingNo, who has possessed 90s Kid, with glitching, pixelated eyes)
MissingNo: I am The Voiceless. The Never Should. The Beautiful Horror. I am Error. I am Glitch. I am all things terrible and wonderful and everything between. I am MISSING.
Linkara: This is impossible. You're not some Lovecraftian demon, you're a glitch in a video game! A random scramble of pixels because the game is trying to call data where none exists!
MissingNo: I am the outer god that looks in, and beholds a reality that lacks my beauty.
(Static is seen, briefly cutting off the video)
MissingNo: I will correct through corruption, until there is nothing left but my totality.
Linkara: Where did you come from?
MissingNo: From another universe. So alike, and yet dislike. (more static) I was called into being by wondrous accident, and I spread the Gospel of Error. (more static) My cry went out across the multiverse, and brought forth converts to my cause. But also an obstacle.
Linkara: Lord Vyce. He'd been trying to destroy you.
MissingNo: (laughs a high-pitched, maniacal laugh) He was a nuisance, not a threat. (static) He could never hope to destroy my magnificence. (static) However, his attacks diminished me. Made me less. (voice turns loud, deep and booming) IT WAS UNACCEPTABLE! (static; voice returns to high pitch) I fled to pursue the opportunity to dispose of him without further diminishment. And you were that opportunity– (glitches and shifts left) –were that opportunity.
Linkara: ...I defeated Vyce, took away his power and exiled him.
MissingNo: You performed as well as I could expect, and I was not without gratitude– (glitches and moves around) –I was not without gratitude. Humans value their independence, so I let you be while I began my work.
Linkara: The Ninja-Style Dancer saw it coming; knew who you really were.
MissingNo: The ninja had no voice, like me. He fled to find allies, and just found me waiting. (static) My limbs are infinite, and have stretched to every point on this planet.
Linkara: And you absorbed him while I wasn't looking.
MissingNo: He is beautiful now– (glitches again) He is beautiful now. (static) Reality is so much more beautiful now. There is nothing left except you, and it is time for you to become part of my beauty.
Linkara: Not today, thank you!
(He pulls out his magic gun and fires at MissingNo, but it does no damage)
MissingNo: Ah, my worshipers created that, didn't they? Did you think it would diminish me?
(MissingNo telekinetically brings the magic gun to his hand, and then turns it into static, absorbing it. Linkara is stunned)
MissingNo: You have provided so much amusement, but I am The Never Should, (puts on 90s Kid's sunglasses) and I already won this game long ago.
Linkara: (running off) Nimue! Emergency procedure five: Execute!
(He runs to his room, shutting the door as Nimue creates a force field; MissingNo stands outside the door, laughing his creepy, high-pitched laugh)
Linkara: ... Nimue, what's your status?
Nimue: Information: Malfunctions caused by the Entity's proximity have altered this unit's voice parameters. This unit is cut off from Comicron 1's computer systems due to emergency shielding.
Linkara: Which means no way to transport out of here.
Linkara: What was Comicron 1's status before the shield?
Nimue: Its systems were under attack by the Entity. Estimated total absorption within 20 standard minutes from initial attack. No solution could be calculated to counter the absorption.
Linkara: Which means even if I could get up there, it's not a safe haven. Scan the Entity; can it get past the force field?
Nimue: Based on initial scans, the force field does not pose any obstacle to invading Entity.
Linkara: What?! ...Nimue, analyze and hypothesize: if the force field poses no obstacle or hindrance to the Entity, then why isn't it in here already?
Nimue: Analyzing... Analyzing... Hypothesis: Based on partial psychological profile formulated by its actions in previous months, combined with its dialogue in response to queries and descriptions made by the book you recovered, it is believed that the Entity is toying with you.
Linkara: (stumbles back in shock) It can come in whenever it wants, so it's just gonna let me sit here and be frightened.
Nimue: That conjecture would appear to be accurate. Request information: Given the advance time you had and your propensity for strategy, do you not have a plan of attack for your encounter with this creature?
Linkara: The magic gun was my plan. I figured that if– if it was created using magic centered around that thing, that maybe it would hurt it or even kill it. I've got nothing. A phaser's not gonna hurt it. The Dragon Dagger isn't gonna hurt it. None of my weapons are gonna be any good against that thing.
Nimue: Conjecture: If this creature is based on something from Pokemon, could you not capture it with a Pokeball?
Linkara: All of my Pokeballs are out there. And even if I could get to them, that thing has grown so huge and so powerful... I'm not even sure what I'd be throwing a Pokeball at!
Nimue: Request information: What will you do then?
Linkara: I need something to take my mind off of this. I am NOT going to sit here and be frightened! I need to read something.
(He walks over to his shelf and grabs a set of comics, starting with "The Thing From Another World #1")
Linkara: Too ironic.
(He tosses it aside and comes up with "Marville #1")
Linkara: Saving it for next year.
(He tosses that aside and keeps rifling through)
Linkara: No. God, no!
(He finally comes to "Pokemon: The Electric Tale of Pikachu #1")
Linkara: Aha! (holds up comic) Now we've got it.
(AT4W title sequence plays, followed by title card, which has the opening titles for a Pokemon game playing behind it; we cut to Linkara sitting on the futon, dressed like Ash Ketchum, with his fedora replaced by the red and white Ash cap, his jacket off, his button-up shirt has the sleeves rolled up, and he's wearing fingerless gloves)
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. I'm recording this right now despite the fact that it's very, very, very unlikely that anyone will ever see this, seeing as I am the only human being still alive. If somehow, someone manages to see this, I hope you enjoy it. (beat) I should probably explain some context to the situation I'm in, particularly the franchise known as Pokemon.
(Cut to gameplay footage of Pokemon: Blue Version, one of the first Pokemon games)
Linkara (v/o): Pokemon started as a successful video game series in Japan. The idea is very simple: On this world, the planet is inhabited by semi-sentient beings known as Pokemon, though they're really closer to animals. The entire industry of this planet seems to revolve around Pokemon: training them, fighting with them, breeding them, using them to commit crimes, etc., etc.
(Cut to footage of the pilot for the anime series)
Linkara (v/o): Ten-year-old children can have the unique honor of leaving their homes and embarking on a quest to capture Pokemon into devices called Pokeballs and then using them in battles against other people's Pokemon until you are the best like no one ever was. We won't debate the ethics of animal cruelty or sending young, unprepared children out into the world with only an electric rodent or other such creatures to protect them.
(Cut back to the Pokemon: Blue Version game)
Linkara (v/o): The point is, the games are fun, though my primary complaint with them is that the gameplay hasn't had any innovation to them beyond...
(Cut to a more recent Pokemon game (don't know which one, feel free to edit that))
Linkara (v/o): (mocking, businessman-type voice) ..."Lets have more than two Pokemon fighting at a time!" (normal again) And for a franchise that's lasted since the mid-'90s, that's pretty incredible.
Linkara: And yes I know that there are other games like Pokemon: Ranger or Pokemon: Snap or stuff like that, but I still feel like we should have a sandbox Pokemon game or hell, an actual Pokemon fighting game!
(Cut to the box cover art for Pokemon: Stadium for the Nintendo 64)
Linkara (v/o): And no, Pokemon: Stadium and the like do not count. I mean, actually being able to control the Pokemon it real time, like in... (cut to gameplay of...) Super Mario Smash Bros. The Pokemon you could control there were great!
(Cut to gameplay of one of the original two Pokemon games)
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, I should probably explain the horror of what currently menaces us. In the original two games, there was a glitch. What you do is, you go to this old guy in who wants to show you how to catch Pokemon. The player's sprite is placed in an empty data slot for storage so the old man's sprite can appear. After that's completed, you immediately fly to a place called Cinnabar Island and surf along the coast. The thing is that the your trainer's data hasn't been called back yet and because the coast of Cinnabar Island does not have proper data to pertaining to what sort of Pokemon are encountered there, it accesses data that isn't there, labeled "MissingNo" or "Missing Number" and creates this pack of scrambled pixels. Or in my case, when I played, a frickin' skeleton!
Linkara: Try being ten years old, deciding to do the trick, and then seeing that instead of what you were supposed to see! Needless to say, I didn't try it again for a while.
(Cut back to the gameplay footage of MissingNo)
Linkara (v/o): Admittedly, what's actually going on with the Missing Number trick is a little more complicated than that brief version, but my explanation is just the basis of how it works. Missing Number is just a glitch in the game, and when people learned about it, they thought the thing was serious bad news, that is could erase your saved game or even the entire cartridge. There's been the occasional person who says that happened to them, but it's not guaranteed. In reality, seeing it does only two things: it messes up your hall of fame data and it massively duplicates whatever item is in the sixth slot of your inventory. It can cause some other glitches if you catch it, but nothing really to the extremes people were worried about.
Linkara: It is a legend game glitches, and in particular Pokemon history. And apparently, in a parallel universe, it's spawned off into some kind of Outer God that intends to consume and absorb all of reality in every dimension. (he hears Missingno's creepy laughter from the living room, scaring him slightly) Aaaand it's also standing outside my door. Yeah, it's been a bit of a day.
(Cut to a shot of the cover of a Pokemon comic called "Pokemon: The Electric Tale of Pikachu")
Linkara (v/o): However, before the end, I feel it's time to finally take a look at a Pokemon comic.
(Cut to footage of Linkara's video on the top 15 comics he would never review, which has manga labeled at #6)
Linkara (v/o):People may recall my "Top 15 Comics I'll Never Review" list, and that the top of the list was manga, which this technically counts as.
Linkara: But hell with it! Douchey McNitpick isn't around to point that out, and it looks like I'm gonna die anyway, so screw the rules! Lets dig into (holds up...) "Pokemon: The Electric Tale of Pikachu #1".
Linkara (v/o): I admit, most of my experience comes with the TV show and the games, so I don't know what to expect. According to Wikipedia at least, the manga was just based off of the show, just altered in some spots to better accommodate the format. I'm not sure how to judge the cover or even if I should. Most manga are published in digest size, and this one's the size of a full comic book. Since I know nothing about the production history of the manga that are actually published more like an American comic book, I don't know if this thing is meant to be picked up like a comic book here, with a cover makes is stand out from others on a rack. Admittedly, if I knew nothing about Pokemon, I might be intrigued by the little yellow rodent and why it's playing with a hamster ball, so props there. We also have our series star, Ash Ketchum.
Linkara: And if anyone does hopefully watch this someday, you'll forgive me if I don't care that his Japanese name is Satashi, Satoshi, whatever. He's called Ash in the comic, he's called Ash in the dubbed TV series, (points to himself) and I'm not Japanese.
Linkara (v/o): We open in Palet Town, which of course looks more like a town than in the game where the town was...
(Cut to a shot of the game version of Palet Town)
Linkara (v/o): ...two houses and a laboratory. We meet our young hero, Ash, as he's drinking what I believe is labeled "Caffeine Cola".
Linkara: I could never stand Caffeine Cola myself, I always preferred Hydrogen Water.
Linkara (v/o): Their house is having a black out and Ash thinks there's something in the wall. The wall even speaks, saying, "Pika."
Linkara: (scary voice) "Ammityville Horror: Electric Tale of Pikachu!"
Linkara (v/o): Next page, we see the rodent that the entire franchise has become based around: Pikachu, with a caption helpfully Informing us of its name.
Pokedex: An electric mouse Pokemon. Diet: mainly fruit.
Linkara (v/o): And power cables, apparently, since it seems to be snacking on one. I guess this is actually on the outside of the house, since Ash is now hanging out a window and trying to catch Pikachu with a net. Pikachu zaps him and darts off, Ash giving chase.
Mrs. Ketchum: Ash! Catch that thing this instant!
Linkara: (as Mrs. Ketchum) Yes, my ten-year-old son! Risk your life to catch a wild animal that shoots lightning bolts while I stand here, completely useless.
Linkara (v/o): And of course, lots of loud electric sounds follow until Ash finally manages to grab Pikachu with rubber gloves. Pikachu himself is exhausted, and his [Ash's] mother tells him to take it out into the woods.
Ash: (to Pikachu) I know you're attracted electricity, but you can't just wander all over town! You'll get run over!
Linkara: Or, knowing how Pokemon attacks work, it'll unleash the Thunder of God on some person in their car.
Linkara (v/o): However, before Ash can take him to the woods, he's confronted by...
(Justin Tmberlake's "Sexyback" plays. The song plays whenever Gary shows up, as a reference to this song always playing when Duke Devlin speaks on "Yu-Gi-Oh: Abridged" because both characters are considered cool)
Linkara (v/o): Yes, Gary Oak! He's bad, he's cool...
(Cut to footage of the TV show)
Linkara (v/o): ...and in the TV show, he has his own harem of cheerleaders who follow him around inexplicably. Gary Oak: rock star of the Pokemon Universe!
(The music stops as we cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, this is the start of Gary's illustrious career, where he was a major asshole who brags to Ash that he just got his Pokemon trainer's license and is going to leave on his Pokemon quest next week.
Gary: Plus, as I'm sure you're well aware, trainers on their training quests... are exempt from school!
Linkara: (slightly frustrated) Why? What the hell kinda crappy educational system does this world have that allows kids to just skip school so they can capture animals with magic 8-balls?
Linkara (v/o): Gary is nearly disgusted that Ash hasn't gotten his trainer's license yet.
Gary: What a dweeb! The second they turn ten, every kid in the world goes out and gets a Pokemon license!
Linkara: (even more frustrated) Then why even have school is every child in the world does this?
Linkara (v/o): Gary mocks Ash some more by... uh, smacking his own ass... and walking off, telling Ash that no self-respecting Pokemon would ever allow to be trained by him. This inspires Ash to make Pikachu his starting Pokemon.
Linkara: (sarcastically) Our hero, everybody! He pick up strays and makes them fight for him!
Linkara (v/o): Back at Ash's house, the TV is working again, and we see an important match in a tournament. By the way, allow me to introduce you to Gengar, a ghost type Pokemon!
Linkara: You want to talk messed up? Let's forget about the whole "sending ten-year-old kids across the land so they can make animals fight each other". In this universe, ghosts are not only an accepted fact, but you can make the ghosts fight, too!
(Cut to a shot of three ghost Pokemon)
Linkara (v/o): Going by just the original games, there were only three ghost Pokemon: Ghastly, Haunter, and Gengar, and it was pretty heavily implied that when regular Pokemon die, they become those things! We are in a deep, theological nightmare, people! What happens to regular humans when they die? Do they become ghost Pokemon?
(Cut to a shot of a Pokemon)
Linkara (v/o): Hell, an entire city, Lavender Town, is devoted to the dead! Is this idea ever explored?
(Cut to a shot of the anime, showing Misty holding up a cross to a ghost Pokemon)
Linkara (v/o): Does this universe have ghost stories? Hell, why would they even need ghost stories? GHOSTS EXIST! AND THEY HAVE SPECIAL ATTACKS!
(Cut back to the manga)
Linkara (v/o): AND THEY SMILE! Well, okay, this is for kids after all. I mean, we can just probably ignore the more adult topics. Anyway, Ash runs out to get his trainer's license, but run into Gary's sister, May, who– (stops abruptly as he sees May's none-too-subtle breasts) Yowza! Uh, May, either you're an extremely perky person, or you may want to recheck how you're wearing your bra, if you even have one at all. Anyway, May wishes Ash luck on his quest, and Ash obviously crushing on her, saying that he'll be fine. And it's only now, ten pages in, where we actually get exposition on the Pokemon universe. Seriously, two pages explaining the mythos of Pokemon, completely out of nowhere. One would think to put that at the beginning of the comic, but no, Ash running away from a girl was apparently the moment where we needed this back story.
Pokedex: Pokemon: The name for a mysterious species not recorded in tradition biological taxonomies. Subspecies include animals, grass, insects, and a variety of other life forms due to similarities in genetic and cellular structure, they must be considered a single species.
Linkara: Considering that some of them are insects, some are grass, and some are friggin' rock monsters, that's one hell of a neat trick that they all share the same similar genetic structures!
Pokedex: When drawn into the capture device, known as the Poke Ball [sic], Pokemon become portable. Thus, the appeal of Pokemon has spread to people throughout the globe.
Linkara (v/o): The technology of the Pokemon universe also astounds me. Pokeballs basically convert a Pokemon into energy and stores them inside the ball until they are called for. Do they use this technology for anything else? Do warehouses not exist in the Pokemon universe, since you can store solid objects inside tiny balls? Is it like suspended animation, and you could theoretically store people in these things, too?
Pokedex: Although some appropriated these containers to keep Pokemon as pets, the Pokemon contained within can be very dangerous... Therefore, only fully licensed trainers and breeders are permitted to handle them.
Linkara: (angrily) Again, TEN-YEAR-OLDS! Ten-year-olds who can summon FIRE-BREATHING DRAGONS!
Linkara (v/o): The process of getting a license is also great.
Pokedex: Applicants must be over 10 years of age and are required to attend a half-day training session before qualifying to take a brief test.
Linkara (v/o): (angrily) A training session that lasts only half a day, and BAM! You're qualified to command an army of creatures capable of leveling cities if you let them loose! (calmer) The last aspect that they explain is evolution, which is kind of an inaccurate term to describe this. They explain that normally, creatures take millions of years to evolve into different forms. But Pokemon can do it over the course of their own lifetimes, radically altering at some point so they become entirely new beings.
Pokedex: This ability to adapt to their environment so rapidly is an incredible achievement!
Linkara (v/o): Except, they're not! They're not adapting to their environment! Traditional evolution does not have a set direction. The idea of evolution means that we slowly get better when exposed to certain factors. However, there is no way of guaranteeing what the eventual form is going to be. Pokemon evolution, by contrast, always goes in a certain direction...
(Editor's note: "Not counting Evolution Stones")
Linkara (v/o): ...as illustrated by this drawing: a Squirtle turns into a Wartortle and then a Blastoise. It's not evolution, it's just growing up! Hell, in the games, you can actually stop the process so they stay the way they are! Anyway, with the exposition out of the way, Ash completes his test and a week later, he's dragging his Pikachu around by a leash. This will later be explained that Pikachu doesn't like being in a Poke Ball and will reject any attempt to be put in one, but why this hasn't come up until now is anyone's guess, since he's had the Pikachu for a week now. Ash tries to capture a Pidgey, a basic bird Pokemon, but Pikachu has run off. Pikachu runs all the way to Viridian City and Ash chases after it, Pikachu suddenly becoming the Nyan Cat for a second as it evades him.
Ash: I've heard that of all Pokemon, Pikachu is considered the most capricious and hardest to tame. And that's why it should be my partner!! Ha ha ha ha ha... I may have beat Gary already without even fighting!
Linkara (v/o): Yeah, Ash is kind of a moron, but then again, what would you expect if over half of face is suddenly taken over by your cartoonish eyeballs? He lures Pikachu back to him with some food and then suddenly grabs him. Hmm, trying to grab a creature that can shoot out electricity and lightning bolts? I can't see anything going wrong with this plan!
(The panel shows Pikachu zapping Ash, as an electrocution sound is heard)
Linkara: Ash Ketchum, that kid who would always poke at a hornets' nest!
Linkara (v/o): The local police stop by and suggest that he keep his Pokemon in a Poke ball. Since Pikachu are hard to handle, they wonder if he's supposed to be some kind of prodigy, but are interrupted by the arrival of... Gary!
("Sexyback" plays again)
Gary: He didn't choose anything. He just dragged Pikachu here on the end of a rope.
Linkara: It's been a week; has Ash been just dragging Pikachu around his house like a ragdoll?
Linkara (v/o): Ash is confident in his abilities, but Gary just laughs him off, especially after Pikachu shows him [Ash] again. Ash is going to have quite the twitch by the time he's eleven. Gary boasts that it isn't about having one single Pokemon, but having lots and lots of them, showing off that Gary's already captured six!
Linkara: (sarcastically) Wow! He already has six?! And considering what Pokemon are available around Palet Town and Viridian City, that means he's captured two birds, a rat, a different kind of rat, and a bug!*
- NOTE: Gary has six Pokemon, but Linkara only lists five.
Linkara (v/o): After Gary leaves, Ash loudly proclaims that they'll show him! But Pikachu is already asleep from using his thunder shock attack from earlier. And here's where things get a little confusing. We cut to them at night, sleeping in the forest. Then we see Ash leaving Palet Town, saying farewell to his mother and May, who gives him a map, and then him declaring that he shall be the best! And... then a scene of Pikachu refusing to get in his Poke Ball. Okay, what the hell was the point of that? Was he dreaming about what happened? Why not just include it in the proper place before he went to Viridian City? Or did he go to Viridian City and go back again to Palet Town? Okay, admittedly, you do that in the game, but there was an actual reason for it! Professor Oak isn't even in this comic! Anyway, after Pikachu refuses to go into the ball, Ash tries to make nice with him, offering to shake its paws in agreement... (beat) and gets shocked. Hell, in one shot we see part of his clothes are smoldering. I don't think Ash really thought this plan of just taking a wild animal as his starter into careful consideration. A girl on a bicycle passes by and quickly leaps off her bike when she sees the Pikachu, hugging it because it's so cute – and ignoring poor Ash, who is still in pain and twitching from being electrocuted. The girl, Misty, tells Ash that it unlikely that he'll end up becoming a trainer considering how difficult it is, listing off the statistics of those who tried to become Pokemon Masters, and he doesn't exactly look up to snuff. Aaaand then just leaves.
Linkara: (as Ash, waving goodbye) Goodbye, random girl who just interrupted the plot to provide more exposition!
Linkara (v/o): Pikachu runs off again. Are we starting to notice a pattern? Pikachu goes into a field and spots a bird near by, flapping its wings. And apparently flapping its wings is hugely offensive to Pikachu, since it outright shocks the bird for no reason! However, the bird, called a Spearow, has a whole flock of its kind that quickly attacks him. Ash finds Pikachu covered in scars and desperately running away from the Spearows. Ash, picks up his companion.
Ash: Are you all right, Pikachu!?
Linkara: (shouting) YELLING IN YOUR EARS IS HELPFUL!!
Linkara (v/o): His license also serves as a tricorder.
(The sound of a tricorder is heard)
Linkara (v/o): He detects that Pikachu's health has nearly dropped to zero, because I guess in this universe, we can measure health through hit points, and he needs to get Pikachu to a hospital, also known as a Pokemon Center. However, the Spearows return, now with one of them in their evolved form, a giant bird called a Fearow! Unfortunately, Ash did not think to bring a coat hanger along on his journey, so he has no way of fending off the birds and he's forced to run while carrying Pikachu. He runs across Misty and steals her bike, claiming to just be borrowing it. Misty then sees the Fearow and Spearows chasing after them. Her reaction?
Misty: (angrily) What's that idiot up to now?
Linkara: (irritated) He's running in fear of the giant friggin' bird and its little friends, who are trying to peck his eyes out! Give him a break!
Linkara (v/o): Did they put the panels out of order or something? Or were they trying to make Misty into a colossal jerk? I also noticed no concern about the Pikachu she said was cute before. Ash rushes off on the bike as fast as he can, but the birds still out run him and start to scratch at him. He's actually bleeding, and some of his blood falls on to Pikachu. Ash covers his arms around Pikachu as best as he can, declaring that he'll protect him no matter what! Pikachu seems... bored by this, according to the panel, though I suppose that could just mean he's tired. The Fearow dive-bombs straight at Ash, no doubt trying to impale the kid on its beak. But Pikachu spots it and leaps out at the Fearow, thunder-shocking the hell out of it and paralyzing it. And here's where we get a major change from the TV show to the comic. Yeah, there have been little differences here and there, the Fearow itself being one of them, that Ash is smart enough to recognize an opportunity and hurls a Poke Ball at the Fearow, capturing it!
Ash: We caught it! We did it, Pikachu! ...Our first Pokemon capture!
Linkara: (as Ash) And all it took were a bunch of permanent scars and massive blood loss! (gives a thumbs-up, smiling)
Linkara (v/o): Pikachu doesn't respond to him, so we can add the death of his partner onto what it cost to capture the Fearow.
(Cut to a clip of Birdemic showing Ramsey hit the car's glove box in anger; he then turns to Rod)
Ramsey (voiced by Linkara): (to Rod) The Spearows killed Pikachu!
(Back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Nah, I'm kidding. He just fainted, and Ash brings him to the Pokemon Center, and he's right as rain. Ash takes off the leash and apologizes for it.
Ash: Oh! I thought I was forgetting something. I haven't given you a name yet! Now, what would suit you?
Pikachu: Chuuu. Pi? Pika?
Linkara: (as Ash) Darrell it is! Come on, Darrell!
Linkara (v/o): However, Misty has arrived at the center, and it seems that Pikachu's massive thunder bolt completely destroyed her bike. And so, our comic ends with Ash running off to avoid responsibility for his actions. Our hero, everybody!
Linkara: (holding up comic) This comic... doesn't suck at all.
Linkara (v/o): It's a good start. We get Ash's motivations, and we see why, despite being ill-prepared and kind of a moron. The true nature of his character is to defend those he cares about, even at his own expense. It's not perfect, though; the dialogue often comes off as stilted, shoving exposition in where it's not needed, and the pacing is a bit off the wall, often moving far too fast to really absorb everything that we got. However, it is a translation, so it might read better in the original Japanese. There's no denying that Pokemon is more that a little weird when you stop and think about it, made no better by the exposition trying to force such gems as like "All Pokemon are the same species," despite some being made out of inorganic matter. From a story perspective, they never seem to analyze the concept of the consequences of the technology they have at their disposal, and this comic didn't even get into the teleportation stuff that's available.
Linkara: However, as a comic, it's enjoyable, and it told a complete story, and sometimes, that's all I'm asking for–
Nimue: (interrupting) Information: Scan indicate the presence of the Entity in every space around this room. We are surrounded.
(Linkara exhales a deep breath, sounding a little depressed to meet his fate)
Linkara: Well... I guess this is it... (stands up)
Nimue: It would appear to be so.
Linkara: (depressed) There's nothing else I can do. (turns to face Nimue) Well, Nimue, it was nice knowing you, although brief.
Nimbue: The emotion... is shared
(Linkara then begins to take off his fingerless gloves and Ash hat as a melancholy version of the AT4W theme is heard, sung by SadPanda. After rolling up his sleeves and putting his brown jacket and fedora back on, he makes his way to the door to face MissingNo. But then he stops and looks back at the green futon and "Pokemon" comic lying on it and then looks at "Spider-Man: Planet of the Symbiotes" next to it. The AT4W theme cover ends, as the Spider-Man comic seems to have given Linkara an idea. More upbeat western-sounding music is heard. He then heads back to the living room. MissingNo is wearing 90s Kid's sunglasses)
MissingNo: (gleeful) Welcome back, human! Is this the part where you fight me?
Linkara: No, no, there's really nothing for me to do. I could shoot you with increasingly larger guns, but it wouldn't work. I could pull some exiting new Morpher out of my pants and hope it would give me the power to defeat you, but we both know that that wouldn't work either.
MissingNo: No, it would not.
Linkara: There is no way to fight you.
MissingNo: I am an Outer God, human. You are tiny.
Linkara: And there you have it. I could never hope to beat you. It's impossible. The only choice I have is to surrender because there is simply nothing else I can do.
MissingNo: (takes off sunglasses, showing his static and glitch eyes) Then welcome to my glory, human! (slowly walks towards Linkara)
Linkara: Uh, before I become one with your glory and everything, there is just one thing: a question.
MissingNo: (stops and puts the sunglasses back on) You may speak.
Linkara: After I'm consumed by you, what are you gonna do next?
MissingNo: I will spread throughout this universe until it (glitch-moves throughout the shot throughout the rest of the sentence) and I are the same– 'Til it and I are the same! From there I shall do as I have done before.
MissnigNo: I shall travel from universe to universe, and they shall become extensions of my being.
MissingNo: –simultaneously piece and whole!
MissingNo: Every star, every cosmos, every dimension, all things living and dead shall become me! (glitch-moves in shot again) No empty space, no limit, nothing existing except for me!
MissingNo: Existence shall become solely defined by me because I am existence!
Linkara: Oh, and then what are you going to do?
MissingNo: (confused) What?
Linkara: I was just curious, what are you going to do after you finish your goal?
MissingNo: (still doesn't understand) I will exist. Everything will be me–
Linkara: (interrupts) Yes, yes, we know that part, but what are you going to DO? You will exist, neato! What are you going to do to pass the time? You will have absorbed everything, and I do mean everything! You will not just be the only being in the universe, you will be the universe! So, what are you gonna do AS the universe? Will you create things? Well, I suppose you wouldn't, 'cause creating something will mean it will be different from you, and you'd just reabsorb it back in anyway. So, again, I ask, what are you going to DO when you have completed your goal?
MissingNo: Existence is– is... (glitch-moves about in pain) Existence is important!
Linkara: (trying to get a straight answer) Yes, but why do you want that goal?!
MissingNo: (still glitch-moving around in pain) Everything should and must be me! Everything should and must be me!
Linkara: (impatiently) AND WHEN EVERYTHING IS YOU, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT? (MissingNo starting to panic a little) WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE WHEN YOUR PURPOSE HAS BEEN FULFILLED?! WHAT WILL BE YOUR MEANING WHEN YOU HAVE MADE THE ULTIMATE ACHIEVEMENT? Is existing just an end in itself? Well, that can't be it, because you're already existing and are therefore fulfilling that part of it!
(He walks around MissingNo, mocking him)
Linkara: SO, GO AHEAD! CREATE YOUR KINGDOM OF THE NEVER-SHOULD! LET THE GLITCH BE EVERYTHING, THE DISTORTION, THE REALITY, BECOME EVERYTHING THERE IS, DOWN TO THE TINIEST PARTICLE, SO THAT YOU ARE LITERALLY EXISTENCE ITSELF! (stops to face him) In the end, you still have the same damn problem: that there is no challenge left, no Heaven to aspire to, no Hell to avoid! You will live forever, alone as everything and existence itself shall be your prison. All experiences will be a part of you. (MissingNo becomes worried) All possibilities will have been considered and completed! Every life form, every molecule, every single "should" and "never should", and it will all have been done! Everything will be you, and everything will be meaningless. And when you do become existence, when the definition of existence equals Missing Number, you will scream your shrill hiss and let it vibrate among the totality of your being, (MissingNo moves in agony) when the lie of your existence is lain bare, BECAUSE THERE IS SIMPLY NOTHING ELSE FOR YOU TO DO!!
MissingNo: You are confusing me! (moves in shot) You are attempting a deception!
Linkara: Me? Deceive an Outer God? I sincerely doubt that.
MissingNo: (still moving constantly) You-You... I must continue. You... (takes sunglasses off, angry) you shall become...
Both: (Linkara mocking) A part of me/you!
Linkara: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, EXCEPT IS DOESN'T MATTER! In the end, you'll still be there, alone in THE DARKNESS OF MERE BEING – FOREVER! (MissingNo looking scared) What it all boils down to is that you are no more significant than a single pixel on a screen!
MissingNo: (angrily shouts) SILENCE!
(There is more static, as MissingNo knocks Linkara backwards)
MissingNo: (mumbling to himself in a static-filled shot) Reason? No, we cannot, no, we cannot.
MissingNo: Purpose is defining existence, but purpose is... undefined...
MissingNo: –purpose is not solution–
MissingNo: –if... if... if to be all that us cannot solve–
MissigNo: –then examine, one cannot be known...
(Meanwhile, Linkara tries to get back up)
MissingNo: ...then existence what cannot be known... then existence cannot be know through existence... (eyes start to look human again) Solution to equation is non-existence?
Linkara: (leaning on the nearby couch) You're an Outer God, yes?
MissingNo: (glitching, eyes static again) Correct!
Linkara: (clutching his side in pain) You are beyond good and evil, a being more complex and grand and terrible than anything that had existed or ever will exist?
MissingNo: (glitching, eyes human) Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Linkara: Then, I submit a question to you, Outer God, a possibility to explore.
MissingNo: (glitching, eyes static) Declare it.
Linkara: What happens to an Outer God when it dies?
MissingNo: (eyes are human again, ponders Linkara's question then smiles) I will find out...
(Static bursts from MissingNo's stomach. Linkara shields his eyes, and the light is gone as Harvey Finevoice, Boffo, Dr. Linksano, the Ninja-Style Dancer, Pollo, and Iron Liz slowly reappear in the apartment. Linkara goes to hug Liz)
Harvey: Uh, kid? What just happened?
Linkara: (stops hugging Liz and turns to Harvey) We're not necessarily out of the woods just yet. (turns to Nimbue's interface) Nimue!
Linkara: Has Earth's entire population returned?
Nimue: Scanning... Scanning... Confirmed. All life and property that have gone missing over the last several months have returned.
Iron Liz: Linkara, what did you do?
Linkara: I... I think I convinced it to kill itself.
Dr. Linksano: And either because of generosity or because of its death, everything has been returned to normal!
Harvey: Wait, where's the idiot?
(90s Kid, back to his regular self, is dazed and confused as he sits against the wall)
90s Kid: (singing drunkenly) Carealot is a place we want to go...
Linkara: 90s Kid, you okay?
90s Kid: (groans) I think so, man. (looks around) Hey, wait a second. Where are those issues of "Bloodgun" that I was sorting? Those were collector's editions!
(Ninja-Style Dancer holds up a sign reading, "Oh, joy. He's back to normal" and then sighs)
Liz: Linkara, I'm a bit confused about this, but... I think you just saved the world or something. (Linkara realizes this, too) So, what happens now?
Linkara: I don't know. (looks around the room) Anyone wanna play Pokemon?
(Cut to black, as we still hear the others talk simultaneously)
90s Kid: Dude! I wanna play Pokemon, too! Hell, yeah, man!
(Boffo honks his horn)
Harvey: Okay, I'll play. I love Pokemon!
Linksano: I've got a a level 255 Mewtwo!
(End credits roll)
To answer some questions ahead of time: -Favorite game is Gold.
-Favorite Pokemon is Bulbasaur
-I have Pokemon White and my friend code is useless to you because I can't connect to the wifi.
-I know about Pokemon Ranger and Mystery Dungeon. It's not the same as what I want.
Listen to Gary Oak's latest hit album "I'm Better Than You."
Other aspects of the Pokemon universe that are weird and disturbing: -Psychic powers -Pokemon White and Black introduced a Pokemon that IS a dead human. -Genetic engineering/cloning -Magical powers -Aliens -Time travel
(Stinger: A montage of other people re-materializing is shown, starting with Spoony's reviewing space)
Spoony: (re-materializes) Ahh! Hey, I'm alive! And, wait, why was I going to review "Warrior #4" when we just released a separate video on it?
Dr. Insano: It's hyper time, just accept it.
(Cut to MarzGurl's reviewing space)
MarzGurl: (re-materializies) Hey! All right, I'm back! (looks down at her shirt) Wait, this isn't the shirt I was wearing before.
(Cut to Phelous' reviewing space)
Phelous: (sarcastically as he re-materializes) Huh, I'm back. It was really important to see me return, otherwise no one would that I've come back!
(Cut to Obscurus Lupa's reviewing space)
Obscurus Lupa: (re-materializing, holding her cat) I'm back! (confused) And yet somehow I still released a review of The Howling: Reborn, despite being taken by The Entity.
(Cut to JesuOtaku's living room)
JesuOtaku: (re-materializes, sighs, then laughs) Awesome. Okay, I'm back. Yes! I'm back and (finds a DVD nearby, sighs in grief) I have Witchblade to review! (laughs sadly and drops the DVD) Crap. (face-palms herself)
(Cut to Suede's reviewing space)
Suede: (re-materializes) Whoa-ho-ho! What was that? That was different. (realizes) Ah, dang it! Was this whole thing just a Pokemon reference? I love Pokemon! I would've loved to have done a cameo! Oh, well, I guess there's nothing for it. (takes his Game Boy out of his jacket pocket) Now, where were we? (to the Game Boy) Yes, old man, tell me your secrets and then it's off to Cinnabar!
(Cut back to Linkara's apartment)
Pollo: Linkara, you seem glum. Did you not get the magic gun back?
Linkara: Oh, no. Magic gun returned safe and sound! (holds it up to Pollo, then re-holsters it)
Pollo: Oh. I thought maybe seeing Missing Number would create infinite copies of it.
Linkara: Well, that's because it wasn't in the sixth slot of my inventory. (starts to sound aggravated) You know what was? (pulls out of his pocket...) A tricorder. (pulls out another one) And oh, look, tricorder! (keeps pulling out more and getting angrier) OH, LOOK, TRICORDER! OH, LOOK, TRICORDER! OH, LOOK, TRICORDER!!