Pokémon Detective Pikachu
September 23, 2020
(The Channel Awesome logo is shown, followed by the NC title sequence)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it-- POKÉMON SUUUUUCKS! (The review's off-screen audience starts booing, but NC enjoys it) Laa-laa-laaaaa!
(Chester A. Bum enters the room, laughing)
Chester: (laughing) Oh, Mr. ma-Critic! I love how angry everybody gets when you make fun of the Pokémon!
NC: I know, right? I don't even know that much about it, but people just get so pissed off whenever I mock it, I have to keep doing it! POKÉMON SUUUUUCKS! (The review's audience continues booing, and Chester continues laughing as NC continues to have fun) Laa-laa-laaaaa!
(NC and Chester continue laughing, with NC's laughter growing more and more crazed. Transparent clips of Pokémon-related gags from his reviews of Freddy vs. Jason, The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland, Scooby-Doo 2, Escape from the Commercials, and Conquest of the Commercials are laid over him. Fade to NC many reviews later, and he does his intro again)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. Knock, knock! Who's there? POKÉMON SUUUUUCKS! Laa-laa-laaaaa! (Unlike last time, however, no booing from the audience is heard) I said POKÉMON SUUUUUCKS! Laa-laa-laaaaa! (The silence still continues. Chester A. Bum walks in) Hey, Chester! POKÉMON SUUUUUCKS!
Chester: (no longer into it) Still?
NC: What's the matter?
Chester: I think I'm getting tired of it. (imitating NC) "Pokémon sucks. Laa-laa-laaaaa."
NC: Y-Y-You can do anything! You can do Spanish! POKÉMON APESTAAAAA!
Chester: Critic, buddy, I have to tell you something. That joke is played.
NC: (dismissive laugh) Wait a minute. Are you indicating that I, the Nostalgia Critic...
Chester: You're gonna do the running joke about always doing running jokes, aren't you?
NC: (looks down in shame) Oh, my God, this IS played.
Chester: It's time to move on, Critic.
NC: But...they get so angry.
Chester: It's time to move on.
NC: It really made me laugh!
Chester: It's time to move on.
NC: (feebly) Laa-laa-laaaaa...
Chester: (to viewer) You know what to do.
(A mouse cursor appears on-screen and scrolls to the upper-right corner, closing the NC's review. The video thumbnail for Cinemassacre's review of Detective Pikachu is shown, before quickly cutting back to NC)
NC: Okay, fine, fine! (sighs) Despite me making a ton of jokes at its expense, I never really saw that much Pokémon.
(As NC speaks, various pictures are shown of Power Rangers, Captain Planet, and a Pokémon convention, and then showing pictures of Strokémon (the Pokémon porn parody, yes that's sadly real), a fake video game cover for Grand Theft Auto: Pokémon, a screenshot of the South Park episode "Chinpokomon", and a little kid holding Pokémon trading cards, before finally showing a picture of the main characters of the Pokémon anime, its logo, and its slogan)
NC (vo): Unlike Power Rangers or Captain Planet, which I did watch enough to get an idea about, Pokémon, I made fun of because it was just everywhere. It was easy to spoof how strange it was, how overexposed it was, and, of course, what an obvious marketing ploy it was. "Gotta catch 'em all"? Jesus. And I thought my generation was all about commercial tie-ins. (Pictures are shown of Transformers, He-Man, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) But what am I supposed to do? I don't have time to watch the entire series, and even the first movie, it was hard for me to gather how this world worked.
NC: Well, as an olive branch, I'm gonna review the one movie you apparently don't need to know that much about Pokémon in order to follow, Detective Pikachu.
(The film's logo is shown, followed by its clips)
NC (vo): Released in 2019, I'll be honest, I thought this was a joke when I first saw the trailer. I had no idea this was based on a game of the same title. (A picture is shown of the Detective Pikachu Nintendo 3DS game cover) I was waiting for Pikachu to explode in a puddle of blood, revealing a burnt Ryan Reynolds saying this was all just an ad for Deadpool 3. But nope. This was a real thing, and it got OK reviews from audiences and critics. As someone who's mocked this franchise but never really followed it, I figure this is the perfect one to look over and, I suppose, bury the Pokémon hatchet. So, because my relationship with Pokémon fans is worth more than some stupid running gag...
NC: (turns to Chester) So we definitely don't want to do the joke anymore?
Chester: (shakes his head) I don't think so.
NC: ...I'm going to be fair and give Pokémon a chance. This is my take on Detective Pikachu.
(The film starts in a laboratory, where scientists are experimenting on a legendary Pokémon)
NC (vo): The film opens in a lab where a Pokémon...or "Pocket Monster", for you newbies...here's a complete list of those losers... (pictures are shown of NC and Hillary Clinton) ...is being experimented on. He's the most powerful Pokémon named Mewtwo.
NC: And I gotta give credit to any series that names their most powerful entity "Mewtwo".
NC (vo): It's kind of like calling Darth Vader (picture is shown of Darth Vader) "Shnickerdoodle Shucks". It just makes me smile.
(Mewtwo starts destroying the laboratory, before escaping it)
NC (vo): He suddenly escapes and hunts down a car driving off.
(Mewtwo blasts the highway, causing the car to go flying off the side)
NC: Ooh! I hope "Crashing Car" becomes one of his moves on Smash Bros.!
(A clip is played of Mewtwo in Super Smash Bros., with the crashing car edited in. We first see the introduction of Tim Goodman, a 21-year-old insurance adjuster who gave up his dream of being a Pokémon trainer following the death of his mother and his estrangement from his father Harry, a police detective)
NC (vo): Cut to our main character named Tim, who's a young man trying to catch a Pokémon. He's played by Justice Smith.
NC: Hmmm. Must find a clip from a past performance to sum up my reaction.
(That chosen clip is played, showing Franklin Webb (Justice Smith) in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom screaming very goofily)
NC: That'll do.
(Tim is first shown hanging out with his friend Jack, as they notice a Cubone nearby)
NC (vo): Okay, despite him being annoying as balls in Fallen Kingdom, he's honestly totally fine here, as his best friend Jack is trying to find him the perfect Pokémon to bond with.
Jack (Karan Soni): (points at Cubone) That is the perfect Pokémon for you.
Tim Goodman (Justice Smith): Jack, I'm not looking for a Pokémon. I've told you this.
NC: (as Tim) I have my career to think about, and you know the sex is always awkward.
NC (vo): He convinces Tim to try and catch him with a Pokéball, leading to a pretty funny line...
Jack: Catching a Pokémon is not about skill. So you can do this.
NC: I'm realizing I hate you.
NC (vo): ...and he tries to get close to him.
Tim: (walking towards Cubone) Not everyone can pull off wearing the skull of their dead relative.
NC: Okay, this is a world I want to know more about.
(Cubone fails to connect with Tim and ends up chasing him away. Later, Tim and Jack are walking in a nearby small town)
NC (vo): The Pokémon has to choose its owner as well, and this one clearly didn't like Paper Towns.
Jack: That was one angry Cubone. He reminded me a lot of my mom.
NC: (as Jack) She wore the skull of my grandma on her head. It was a whole thing.
NC (vo): Give props to a film ballsy enough to say staying at a secure insurance job makes you a loser, but taking off playing Pokémon with your friends is the ultimate sign of success. (Beat) What am I saying? It kind of is. (Pictures are shown of real-life people winning the Pokémon World Championships)
Jack: Everyone we know has left town, and now I'm leaving, too.
Tim: I'm gonna get a promotion real soon.
Jack: What's the promotion for an insurance appraiser? You're gonna make me throw up.
NC: Next you'll be telling me you DON'T live with your mother complaining on forums why Star Trek was more destroyed than Star Wars.
(Tim suddenly gets a call on his cell phone)
NC (vo): He gets a call, though, that there was an accident.
Tim: It's the Ryme City Police Department.
NC (vo; as Tim): Hmm, I wonder what they wanted to tell me down at the police station... (Inside a train, Tim looks at a newspaper giving the news that his father was involved in a car crash) OH, GOD! DAD!
(The moment in the opening scene of Mewtwo causing the car to crash is briefly shown again, as we go back to Tim heading to Ryme City on a train)
NC (vo): Yes, it looks like it was his father who was killed in that car crash. But don't worry. This film knows how to balance tragedy and humor.
(A Lickitung approaches Tim and slowly licks him in the face)
Tim: (muffled) I actually meant please do. (spits) Thank you. Thank you.
NC: Is anyone missing a clitoris with a tongue?
(Tim starts watching one of the train's seat screens)
NC (vo): He's shown a video about the history of Pokémon and humans. And sue me, I think this is funny.
(The video shows Pokémon interacting with humans in caveman drawings and Egyptian hieroglyphics)
Video Narrator: Early humans used to catch them and train them to use their unique powers for the common good.
NC: Ironically, this was taken from a time when Pokémon were enslaved, and the prophet Mosesmon said "Let my Bulbasaurs go". But don't worry. They love living in a robot Santa's testicle now. (A picture is shown of Robot Santa from Futurama along with footage of a Pokeball)
Video Narrator: One man changed all of this.
NC: Company Man? (A picture is shown of the YouTuber "Company Man")
Video Narrator: Howard Clifford.
NC: I didn't know he was Company Man.
(Tim is shown walking into Ryme City, a city where humans and Pokémon live together in harmony)
NC (vo): He apparently created a city where people and Pokémon live side-by-side where they don't have to be captured.
(The city's founder, Howard Clifford, is shown being interviewed on the video)
Howard Clifford (Bill Nighy): The cure I was looking for was for me to evolve into a better version of myself. And I discovered how to do that through a partnership with Pokémon.
NC: (deadpan) He did it.
(As NC speaks, we are shown more footage of Tim wandering through Ryme City, with the majority of the shown footage focusing on the film's visual effects bringing the Pokémon to life)
NC (vo): But much like that movie, the focus isn't really the mystery as much as the comedic setup and imagination of the world they create. And despite the effects not really being anything spectacular, I can't really say they're bad either. There's clearly effort put into the textures, movement, and personalities of these creatures. They just don't always look like they're really there. They don't look real, but they look good.
(In the office of the city's police lieutenant, Hideo Yoshida, his Snubbull glares and softly growls at Tim)
NC: Okay, I will love this movie to death if this is all a Paranoia Agent tie-in. (A picture next to Snubbull is shown of Maromi from Paranoia Agent)
(Hideo Yodshida comes in to see Tim)
Hideo Yoshida (Ken Watanabe): Hi, Tim.
NC (vo): He meets up with Lieutenant Yoshida, played by Ken Watanabe...because, let's face it, he's the Asian Karl Urban of being in geek stuff... (Posters for Batman Begins, Godzilla, Isle of Dogs, and Transformers: The Last Knight are shown) ...who gives condolences on losing his father.
Yoshida: If you are anything like your dad...
Tim: I'm not. I was just really raised by my grandmother. Do you have the spare keys for his apartment? I should go wrap things up there.
NC: (as Tim) I'll just pick up my emotional baggage and head back to my apartment of issues.
Yoshida: This job...it demands a lot. But you were on his mind every day.
Tim: Uh, it was nice to meet you, lieutenant.
NC: You will believe people can actually act with a Feisty Pet toy looming in the background. (An image of the Sparkles Rainbowbarf, the Pegasus Feisty Pet toy, is shown next to Yoshida and Snubbell) This movie's weird.
(That night, Tim heads to his father's apartment, where he meets a woman named Lucy, whose Pokémon companion is a Psyduck)
NC (vo): He goes to his father's apartment where he comes across a reporter named Lucy, played by Kathryn Newton.
Lucy (Kathryn Newton): I've been waiting to see who would open up that mailbox. You just walked into quite the story.
NC (vo): I have to admit, I thought this was going to be another bland tough woman with no personality (An image of Bulma (Emmy Rossum) in Dragonball Evolution is shown), but they quickly establish that's what she's trying to be and isn't especially good at it.
Lucy: Stories like this spread fear. And they're afraid of fear. But I don't fear fear. I walk the walk, and I talk the talk, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get the honest scoop, and that's the hard truth.
NC: In a Disney remake, that'd be seen as really good dialogue. (Images of Alice (Mia Wasikowska) in Alice in Wonderland, Clara (Mackenzie Foy) in The Nutcracker and the Four Realms, Belle (Emma Watson) in Beauty and the Beast, Kim (Sadie Stanley) in Kim Possible, and Hua Mulan (Yifei Liu) in Mulan (2020) are shown in front of NC)
Lucy: I work for the CMN blog making Pokémon listicles all day, okay? "Top 10 Cutest Pokémon".
Tim: Yeah, my grandma loves those.
Lucy: Yeah, news flash: they're all cute!
NC: I don't know. Flak Flatulence is a little off-putting. (An image of a Morpeko with a chimpanzee's face edited over it appears next to NC)
(Tim eventually heads into his father's apartment, where he begins to wander through)
NC (vo): She smells a story, but Tim has no answers for her, so he goes up to the apartment where he finds a movie is left on.
(Harry Goodman's TV is playing Angels with Filthy Souls, the movie-within-a-movie from Home Alone)
Gangster Johnny: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
Gangster Snakes: All right, Johnny. But what about my money?
(Tim turns the TV off)
NC: (confused) I wasn't particularly connecting this to the Home Alone universe, but to their credit, stranger things have happened in that franchise.
(A clip from Home Alone: The Holiday Heist, showing Jessica (Debi Mazar) trapped in a snowman, is shown next to NC)
(While wandering, Tim accidentally releases a mysterious purple gas, "R," from a vial he just found, and the gas spreads outside to a group of Aipoms, causing them to turn violent. Tim then encounters his father's police partner, a Pikachu wearing a deerstalker cap, who surprisingly is capable of speech, and Tim can understand him)
NC (vo): He comes across Ivan Ooze's bowel movement, which gets exposed to some of the Pokémon outside, turning them into blood-hungry animals. But that doesn't distract him from the real discovery: a Pikachu, voiced by Ryan Reynolds.
Tim: Stop talking! You're a hallucination!
Pikachu (Ryan Reynolds): You're a hallucination.
NC: Clearly not with Deadpool's writers.
NC (vo): I'll admit, I was kinda hoping for more funny lines out of him, but truth be told, it is humorous seeing that cute little fuzzball have this voice.
Pikachu: (being chased by the Aipoms in a later moment) Help! Help! Oh, my God! Help!
NC (vo): Again, I'd probably play him more in Smash Bros. if that was the voice he came with.
(A clip of Pikachu in Super Smash Bros. is shown being defeated in a fight, with Ryan Reynolds' voiceover edited on top)
Pikachu (vo): No one's coming! People are so insensitive!
(The Aipom attack both Tim and Pikachu, though they manage to escape and begin wandering through the town, where it's shown that no one can hear Pikachu speak except for Tim)
NC (vo): The other Pokémon attack, though, and they flee for their lives. They eventually go back to normal, and Tim tries explaining to everyone what's going on. But nobody can understand Pikachu but him.
Tim: (to a couple on the street) Excuse me! Hi! Sorry. Uh, you can hear him, right? You can hear him talking?
Pikachu (Ikue Otani): Pika-pika!
Tim: It's that stuff that I put up my nose! (The couple looks weirded out) Not-not like that!
NC: Again, I have to give credit to a Pokémon movie that acknowledges cocaine exists.
Pikachu: Pat me or kiss me, they stick a finger in me.
NC: (weirded out) As well as...that.
(Pikachu and Tim go into a bar; the bar's tender is shown to be a Ludicolo)
NC (vo): Pikachu admits he was his father's Pokémon, but he has memory loss, so he can't remember that much.
Tim: A talking Pikachu with no memories who's addicted to caffeine.
Pikachu: I can stop whenever I want. (to Ludicolo) Another round. Black as night. Thank you, sweetie.
NC: Okay, I'm sure whatever he said makes sense to Pokémon fans, but to me, that's just a hilarious sound.
NC (vo): I can play that at the most random movie moments, and it would instantly make them better.
(Next, we are shown a clip from Batman, showing Batman confronting a thug)
Thug: What are you?!
(Lastly, we are shown a clip from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, showing Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker's epic confrontation)
Luke Skywalker: [He told me] you killed him.
Darth Vader: No. I am your--
Luke Skywalker: NOOOOOOOOO!
NC: I'm just decreeing that the new Kristen Schaal. (An image of Kristen Schaal pops up next to NC) Nothing can be too bad if that's in it.
NC (vo): Pikachu doesn't think Tim's father is dead and asks him to help out, seeing how he's the only one who can understand him.
Pikachu: There's magic that brought us together, and that magic is called hope! Hope that Harry is still alive.
NC: (as Pikachu) That way he can offer so many more years of neglecting you!
NC (vo): Tim reluctantly agrees, and they search the apartment for clues.
(Tim and Pikachu are shown talking inside Tim's bedroom, where Tim's bed is shown to have Pikachu's ears on it)
Pikachu: Should we talk about the fact that your childhood bed is a Pikachu bed? I've never been so flattered and creeped out at the same time.
NC: I find that hard to believe from Ryan Reynolds.
Pikachu: Look, what about this? (Brings out a framed picture of Tim's mother)
Tim: That's my mom. She passed away when I was 11.
Pikachu: Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't...I didn't realize.
NC: (as Pikachu) I didn't realize we were doing those kind of cliches. Do I sing you a song, or wait for the Disney Channel logo to pop up in the corner? How does this work?
(The next morning, Pikachu is shown getting to the bottom of this mystery as Tim watches)
Pikachu: This is what a Frenchman would call "caliente fiesta"!
NC (vo): They discover the test tube that had the purple smoke and realize that must've set off the violent Pokémon. They try to visit Lucy to give her the story, but it looks like she's not being taken very seriously.
(At a television studio, Lucy is being spoken to by Roger Clifford, the son of Howard Clifford)
Roger Clifford (Chris Geere): Find a source! Oh, and pro tip, a reasonable sense of fashion.
NC: Hey, piss off! Everyone will be wearing the Cracker Jack! (An image of the mascot of Cracker Jack snack food is shown next to Lucy)
(Tim approaches Lucy)
Tim: I found something in Harry's desk.
Lucy: (whispering) No, not here!
(Lucy and Tim speak with each other in a hidden room)
NC (vo): He shows her his test tube in her office...
NC: Did not mean for that to come out that way.
NC (vo): ...leading to another great line.
Pikachu: This isn't an office. It's a...it's a coffin with pencils.
NC (vo): It looks like she came across other test tubes just like the one that he found, and she tells him they were found at the docks. Because any film with the word "detective" in the title always has to have docks. Hey, I'm not complaining. I love film noir tropes. I just wish this wasn't the femme fatale.
(We briefly cut to the Ludicolo scene again)
(After searching at the docks, the duo encounter a Mr. Mime, who pantomimes trying to escape from the two by riding on a motorbike)
NC (vo): They come across a suspect called Mr. Mime, and...I don't know if I have a soft spot for mime hate or if this is legitimately funny, but this is the most hilarious scene in the movie.
Tim: He's barely moving.
Pikachu: Don't tell him that. He's on a bike! Come on, he thinks he's getting away! Quick!
(Mr. Mime pantomimes getting into a motorcycle crash)
Pikachu: Oh, no.
NC (vo): I'm not sure why mime scenes are so funny in films and TV. Maybe because they're like Sean Penn or Kanye West where you know they have legit talent, but they're so damn annoying, you can't help but smile when something bad happens to them.
(Tim pantomimes opening a door to get through Mr. Mime's psychic wall)
Tim: Oh. Oh, what's this?
Pikachu: Oh, there's a door there. That's a jug.
(Tim pantomimes pouring gasoline on Mr. Mime and threatening to set him on "fire")
NC (vo): In a great bit of writing, Tim forces him to reveal what he knows by pouring fake gasoline on him and lighting a fake match.
Pikachu: That went dark fast. I like this. I like this very much.
NC (vo): I like how it cuts away so we never know what happened after this imaginary fire was lit.
(Mr. Mime looks horrified when Tim lights an imaginary fire, and then we immediately cut to the next scene)
NC: I like to think he went insane and is still convinced he's burning even to this day. (A black-and-white Photoshopped picture shows Mr. Mime wrapped in a straitjacket and tended to by asylum nurses) Which is tricky, because you have to put him in a mental institution and a burn ward.
(We go to commercial. After the commercial, we are shown Tim and Pikachu visiting an underground illegal Pokémon battle)
NC (vo): Tim and Pikachu make their way to a Pokémon cage fight. I'm not gonna lie, these things are pretty damn cool.
(Several Loudred use their voices to make the underground club's music)
NC (vo): And the owner says he'll give answers if Pikachu fights to get revenge for his previous loss.
(Pikachu is forced to battle against the club's owner, Sebastian's, Charizard, which roars and spews fire from its mouth, and Sebastian himself gives a goofy ululating battle cry)
NC: That's eerily similar to how someone actually playing Pokémon reacts. (An image of people playing the Pokémon trading card game at a Pokémon convention is shown with Sebastian's head edited on top of one of the players and the noise of Sebastian's battle cry being heard)
(Eventually, Pikachu defeats Charizard by dosing it with "R", causing it to go into a violent rampage)
NC (vo): Tim helps him out, but the owner's gas accidentally fills the room, sending the Pokémon on a rampage.
(Various Pokémon rampage around the underground club, including Pangoro, Charizard, Slaking, and Loudred)
NC (vo): No! We have a dead mother AND Zootopia's plot! There's only so much Disney we can lift here!
Sebastian (Omar Chaparro): (being interrogated by Tim) It comes from the doctor! That's all I know!
(The police arrive and raid the area, eventually taking Tim and Pikachu to Yoshida at his office)
NC (vo): They get the answers they're looking for, but they also get arrested. I don't know why, but the acting gets really good whenever these two are in a scene together.
Yoshida: It's very difficult coping with loss. Denial can be a...
Tim: (pounds desk) No, I'm not in denial! I'm right! I know it! He's...he's out there!
NC (vo): To a point where you're kind of like, "Oh, yeah. There's a SpongeBob rat in this."
Yoshida: I never wanted to show you this.
(Yoshida shows Tim footage of the car crash his father was involved in, and a disheartened Tim goes outside with Pikachu)
NC (vo): Tim sees footage of the car crash, convincing him that his father is dead, and he admits he wishes he made an attempt to see his father when he was alive.
Tim: (tearing up) Because I never gave him the chance.
Pikachu: Look, I may not have memories, but I know this much. It wasn't your fault.
NC: Hmm...is an emotional speech by Ryan Reynolds as Pikachu moving or stupidly hilarious?
(A scale is placed over the scene with a confused emoji tilting back and forth between "MOVING" and "STUPIDLY HILARIOUS" while NC goes "hmmmmm")
Pikachu: I'm sure that if your dad was here...he would hug you so hard, your bones would pop.
(The scale stops on "MOVING")
NC: Yeah, okay. You're lucky you got good actors for this.
(Ms. Norman steps out of a car, and then takes Tim and Pikachu to see Howard Clifford in his building)
NC (vo): Agent Smith...antha persuades them to visit Mr. Clifford, who admits the chemical called "R" is from his son Roger.
Howard: I hired Harry to trace it to its source. Imagine my shock when the answer turned out to be my own son.
NC (vo): Yeah, that's right. Halfway through, and we discovered who the bad guy is.
NC: There is only one movie dumb enough to be Snake Eyes, and it's Snake Eyes. (The poster for Snake Eyes is shown next to NC)
NC (vo): I like Bill Nighy's performance in this, because it looks like every second, he's trying to explode out of his wheelchair and do Davy Jones, but he's barely holding it back.
Howard: Ever since my illness put me in this chair, Roger has taken over more and more of the company.
NC: (as Davy Jones) Do you fear...Diglett? (An image of the Pokémon Diglett is shown next to NC)
(Through a computer hologram, Howard shows the duo more hidden footage of the car crash, showing Pikachu trying to save Harry, and the two of them being confronted by an arriving Mewtwo)
NC (vo): He tells him, though, that his father is alive, and he recreated what happened to him via hologram. And I'll just say it, I think this whole movie was made just to hear a great actor dramatically say "Mewtwo".
Tim: What is that?
NC: (as Howard) That's as...close to making that sound cool as I'm gonna get.
Howard: Created in a laboratory using DNA of the ancient Mew.
NC: Don't push your luck. It only sounds sillier the more you say it.
(After discovering a new lead in the case, the duo go to find Lucy at a restaurant)
NC (vo): It looks like Mewtwo wiped Pikachu's memory and stole his father away. They have to figure out where he was taken, so they hit up Lucy, who once again isn't that great with the whole spy thing.
Lucy: (sitting in a table back-to-back with Tim) Just act casual.
Tim: There's nothing really casual about this.
(Lucy tries handing some files to Tim while they're back-to-back, but Tim drops the files on the diner floor, and both fumble to pick them up)
Lucy: That's okay.
(The two of them bump heads in their clumsiness)
NC: The Spy Who Dumped Me was more smooth than this! (The poster for The Spy Who Dumped Me is shown) I don't know how I remember that movie either!
(The group travels to the abandoned genetics lab Harry was investigating, where the lab's personnel had been experimenting on Mewtwo and synthesized "R" from his genes)
NC (vo): She figures out where the secret lab is, and they break into it. They discover Mewtwo's blood was used to make Chemical R, and Tim's father was part of capturing him.
Tim: This doesn't make any sense! Harry would've never been a part of this.
Pikachu: I want to believe that, kid. Neither of us could say for sure what Harry would or wouldn't do.
NC: (as Pikachu) I mean, I didn't think the director of this could possibly do Shark Tale, but people surprise you!
(The group are suddenly attacked by genetically enhanced Greninja)
NC (vo): Several Pokémon escape, but it looks like that's the least of their problems.
(Outside, Tim, Pikachu, and Lucy see the mountains move; the mountains are revealed to be giant Torterras)
NC (vo; mimicking Han Solo): This is no cave!
Pikachu: At this point, how can you not believe in climate change?!
NC: (scoffs) I hate when Pokémon gets political. (An image of Barack Obama with cat ears and nose, with the caption "I'D VOTE FOR OBAMAMON A THIRD TIME", is shown next to NC)
NC (vo): Through a very creative action sequence, they outrun a Pokémon whose whole entire body is a forest.
Giant Torterras: [???]
(In the ensuing chaos, Pikachu ends up getting gravely injured)
Tim: Pikachu is injured, but Tim tries to encourage him to pull through.
Tim: I'm here, partner! I'm here.
Pikachu: (weakly) You've got my back..
Tim: Pikachu! Pikachu!
NC: You know this is one of those scenes where the actor is thinking...
NC (vo; as Justice Smith): Please don't let this look stupid! This can so easily look stupid!
(Later, Tim encounters Mewtwo, who heals Pikachu and reveals another shocking part of Harry's car crash, showing Mewtwo communicating with Pikachu)
NC (vo): Mewtwo appears, though, and heals him, revealing that Pikachu was on his side.
Mewtwo: You've done well. Humanity is evil.
(Before he can reveal more, Mewtwo gets captured by spherical robotic drones controlled by Roger. These events cause Pikachu to doubt himself, believing he was responsible for betraying Harry)
NC (vo): Mewtwo gets captured, though, and Pikachu can't believe he was working with the enemy.
Pikachu: I'm the guy who betrayed Harry. I could betray you, too.
Tim: You wouldn't do that. I...I don't care what I saw. I-I know who you are.
Pikachu: How do you know?
NC: (as Tim) You're the series' cash cow. They're not gonna gamble on that. They just needed a third act breakup.
(An upset Pikachu leaves Tim and Lucy, who go back to Ryme City, where it's in the middle of getting ready for a Pokémon parade)
NC (vo): Pikachu abandons them, and Tim goes to talk to Howard during a Pokémon pride parade. I assume their flag is made entirely out of rainbow cards. (An image of multiple Pokémon TCG rainbow foil cards stacked together to make a flag on a flagpole is shown)
(Meanwhile, Pikachu approaches the bridge where Harry crashed, and soon begins to solve the true, final parts of the mystery)
Pikachu: Roger must've sent the Greninjas to cause the crash.
NC (vo): Pikachu puts together that Mewtwo was trying to save him that night, and, big shock, Howard was the man behind everything, transferring his consciousness into Mewtwo.
(Back in Ryme City, Howard reveals to Tim that he has captured Mewtwo, exposing himself as the true mastermind by taking control of Mewtwo's body using a neural-link helmet that places his mind inside Mewtwo while his human body remains in the wheelchair)
Mewtwo/Howard: Well done, Tim. You and Harry's Pikachu led me straight to Mewtwo.
NC: (as Bill Nighy) You know I can't get through a movie without being animated somehow! (Images of Grandsanta in Arthur Christmas, Davy Jones in Pirates of the Caribbean, Rattlesnake Jake in Rango, and Socrates in Norm of the North - all played by Bill Nighy, are shown next to NC)
Mewtwo/Howard: Mewtwo has the power to transfer the soul of a human into the body of a Pokémon as long as the Pokémon are in a crazed state.
NC: That's a very specific combination of things. But I am watching Foamy the Squirrel try to take over the world. (An image of Foamy the Squirrel from the web cartoon Neurotically Yours is shown next to footage of Mewtwo) I shouldn't be too picky.
NC (vo): And because we haven't taken from enough movies yet...
Tim: The balloons! The "R" gas is in the balloons!
(Another clip from Batman is shown)
Vicki Vale: He's going to kill everybody!
(Howard/Mewtwo unleashes his plot to fuse humanity into the bodies of Pokémon, under his belief that this is mankind's future, by unleashing the "R" gas using parade balloons)
NC (vo): The gas is released, and Howard-as-Mewtwo fuses the people and Pokémon together. Tim also finds out that Howard's son wasn't behind anything as his Pokémon is a shapeshifter.
(Ms. Norman takes off her sunglasses to reveal the beady eyes of a Ditto)
NC: That's okay, I didn't need any sleep tonight.
NC (vo): I know people can merge with Pokémon, but I didn't know they could merge with James and the Giant Peach. (An image of James from James and the Giant Peach is shown next to Ms. Norman)
(Pikachu arrives and uses his powers to fight against Howard/Mewtwo, while Tim manages to beat Ditto and remove Howard's helmet from his body, freeing Mewtwo from his control and foiling Howard's plot)
Pikachu: Let's do this!
NC (vo): Pikachu arrives, though, using his powers to stop him. They get the mind control thing from X2 off Howard's head, and Mewtwo is back to normal, returning everyone back to their original forms.
(In the aftermath, Tim reunites with Pikachu)
Tim: Are you okay?
Pikachu: I'm sorry! I'm sorry I pushed you away just when you needed me the most!
NC: (as Pikachu) That's totally not gonna be a metaphor in a minute!
(Mewtwo then approaches Tim and Pikachu and reveals that Harry tried to save him that night by helping him escape from the lab, and then reveals one more secret that NC is about to mention)
NC (vo): Yeah, as much as I mock what an obvious mystery this is, I'll admit, I didn't put together the big twist at the end: Pikachu is actually Tim's father, fused by Mewtwo. Yeah, I know it was obvious, but I don't watch the damn show. Blow me.
(The final moment of Mewtwo communicating with Pikachu in the past is shown)
Mewtwo: You've done well. Humanity is evil...but you have shown me that not all humans are bad.
NC (vo; as Mewtwo): So humanity is NOT evil. This was a strangely worded sentence that hopefully will not be cut off as it would totally give the wrong impression to any onlookers.
(Later, at the city's train station, Tim finally reunites with his father, now back in his human form, with a now-normal Pikachu at his side)
Harry Goodman: Hey, kid.
NC (vo): So Tim is reunited with his father, who was... (Harry is revealed to be portrayed by Pikachu's actor, Ryan Reynolds, causing NC to gasp) ...the Green Lantern all along!
Tim: (walking into the city with Harry) I think I'll have to find a new job. Maybe I could give detective work a try?
NC (vo; as Harry): Oh, Christ, there's no money in that. Why don't you be an insurance appraiser or something?
(The film ends)
NC: And that was Detective Pikachu. It's...not my thing, but that doesn't mean it's bad.
(Footage of the film plays once more as NC gives his final thought)
NC (vo): Yes, it's formulaic and could be funnier, but it's also imaginative, has its heart in the right place, and, at times, can be pretty fun. Even though I didn't grow up with Pokémon, I can tell there's little touches all throughout this film that people who did grow up with it would recognize and appreciate. For me, it's like watching Roger Rabbit if you never grew up with cartoons. You could follow it okay, and it'd be fine, but you wouldn't have nearly as strong a connection with it as people who did grow up with cartoons. So I guess I'd say if you didn't grow up with Pokémon, it has enough to probably keep you interested. But if you did grow up with Pokémon, you'll most likely enjoy it a lot more. So there. I finally gave a Pokémon property a fair shot and found myself actually enjoying it in several parts. Is it for me? Not really. But I can see how others could get sucked into the variety and adrenaline it offers. So if you like Pokémon but haven't seen this movie, check it out. I think you'll have a pretty good time.
NC: I mean, at least it's a lot better than Game of Thrones! GAME OF THRONES SUCKS! Laa-laa-laaaaa!
Chester: (shakes his head) Mmm, that one did it to itself.
NC: (disappointed) I know. (Beat) Were you standing there the whole time?
Channel Awesome Tagline: Ludicolo: LUDICOLO!
(The credits roll)