Party in the USA
Date Aired
October 17th, 2009
Running Time
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Todd: Episode #3 was "Party in the USA"...and that one was the first video where I figured out...what I was doing, really. Um...well, it was the first one I consider funny; the first sequence I really enjoyed, the Jay-Z sequence. That's where I learned that it all has to come from the editing, like...and that editing is the hardest part; but that's the first one I actually felt like I was doing it right. And this was also the first one that got noticed by Transmission Awesome, and they...sent a bunch of hits my way, and suddenly I went from, like, absolutely no hits to, like, hundreds, hundreds of hits...and that was a big deal for me. Like...the Jay-Z sequence is the funniest thing I...I think I ever did in the earliest episodes, and it's got my first running gag, "Finish the Rhyme." Honestly, "Party in the USA," now that I hear it more, is not such a terrible song; I just don't think Miley's very good on it, and the lyrics are not good. Um...this is just the first one where it all really starts to take shape, I thought. I liked how this one came out. "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus

[Fades out]

[Fade into Todd playing "Party in the USA" on his piano.]

A pop song review

Todd: You know, there was a time I could just ignore Miley Cyrus.

Clip from Hannah Montana

Todd (VO): I mean, I heard she was big, I heard she was famous, but I heard she was famous because I was told she was famous. I saw her mentioned in magazine articles, saw a lot of little girls with Hannah Montana shirts and backpacks.

Todd: I didn't really have the Hannah Montana experience. I had no reason to...

Todd (VO): her show, her songs only got played on Radio Disney, I certainly wasn't going to see her in concert. Let's face it—the only kind of people...

Todd: who are actually exposed to this stuff, were wearing training bras. And since I usually don't anymore, I was completely unaware of who this girl actually was. *sigh* Sadly, the days of blissful ignorance seemed to have passed us by like so much dust in the breeze.

Clip of Miley pole-dancing

Todd (VO): Now I can't even turn on the radio once without getting assaulted by America's favorite teen princess.

Todd: So come with me as we analyze the next step in Miley Cyrus's [picture from Vanity Fair] increasingly awkward transition into adulthood. Ladies and gentlemen, "Party in the USA."

Video for "Party in the USA"
Miley: I hopped off the plane at L.A.X.
With a dream and my cardigan

Todd (VO): Daddy's little girl is all grown up, I see. And now Miss Cyrus has officially completed her transition from innocent jailbait to intentional jailbait.

Todd: Okay, here's what this song is about. Miley gets off the plane in Los Angeles, but she's such a naive Southern girl, so she feels soooo out of place.

Miley: Look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign
This is all so crazy

Todd: 'Cause everyone else is wearing heels, but, oh no, she's wearing sneakers.

Miley: Like "Who's that chick, that's rockin' kicks?

Todd (VO): Or boots. The word "kicks" means boots now, apparently.

Todd: But she feels safe again when she hears her favorite song.

Miley: And a Jay-Z song was on
And the Jay-Z song was on

Todd: [beat] Jay-Z, huh? Jay-Z. Let's try and imagine what Jay-Z song little Miley Cyrus is listening to.

Clips of Jay-Z - "99 Problems"...
Jay-Z: Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads...fuckers
..."To My"...
Jay-Z: Bitches, to my ni**az
..."Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)"...
Jay-Z: If you with me, mom, I'll rub on your tits
..."Lost One"...
Jay-Z: Ni**az is brainless
..."99 Problems"...
Jay-Z: I don't give a shit, SO
..."Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)"...
Jay-Z: Since when y'all ni**az know me to fail? Fuck naw
..."99 Problems" over a clip from Miley's video...
Jay-Z (VO): I'm like "fuck critics, you can kiss my whole asshole"
..."D.O.A (Death of Auto-Tune)" over another clip...
Jay-Z (VO): Bring a blonde, preferably with a fat ass
...and back to "99 Problems"
Jay-Z: I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

Todd: You know what? She's probably listening to Darius Rucker and just thinks it's Jay-Z.

Brief clip of video for Darius Rucker's "Don't Think I Don't Think"
Miley: And the Jay-Z song was on
So I put my hands up
They're playing my song,
And the butterflies fly away
I'm noddin' my head like yeah
I'm movin' my hips like yeah

Todd is taken aback

Miley: Movin' my hips like yeah

Todd: Man, that just sounds...filthy. I don't know. [Brief clip of Britney Spears - "Womanizer"] Britney Spears butt-naked doesn't faze me; I don't know why Miley Cyrus can make one reference to her hips and I'm skeeved out.

Miley: I'm noddin' my head like yeah
I'm movin' my hips like yeah

Todd (VO): Yeah, yeah, that really does make me uncomfortable.

Miley: I know I'm gonna be OK

[the volume of the song turns LOUD]

Yeah, it's a party in the USA

Todd: I'm sorry, what...

Miley: [at the same ear-bleeding volume] Yeah, it's a party in the USA

Todd desperately motions for the music to be turned down and then cut off

Todd: Cut it. Ugh. Okay, why does she sound like this? I know she [brief picture of her] looks like a chipmunk, does she have to sound like one too? Yeah, true story—the first time I heard this song, the DJ said something like, "that was the new hit song, 'Party in the USA' by a squirrel falling out of a tree. I mean, Miley Cyrus."

Now, I don't often hear DJs insult their own music, but this one was bad enough that I guess it deserved it.

Miley: So I put my hands up

Todd: I put my hands up too! [puts his hands out, then covers his head]

Miley: I'm noddin' my head like yeah
I'm movin' my hips like yeah

Todd (VO): My problem with this song actually starts right at the title. It's a party in the USA? So what, it's in the USA?! What does that have to do with anything?! What did you think we were gonna mistake it for? Belgium?!

Todd: What's the point?! What does that even mean?! This country's too big for that to even mean anything! It's like shouting, "party in the inner solar system!" But we do that all the time in this country! And you gotta trust me on this, I know what I'm talking about because I was [album covers of Bruce Springsteen's...] born in the USA, I'm [Steve Miller's...] living in the USA, and I [and John Mellencamp's single...] R.O.C.K. in the USA. So I know that, in the USA, we add, "in the USA," to everything we do in the USA!

Todd (VO): This song is even bad from the first couple lines, where they force "cardigan" to rhyme with "fit in."

Todd: And it gets much, much worse from there. So at this point now, I'd like all our viewers to play along at home with our next segment: [plays fanfare] FINISH THE RHYME!

Miley: This is all so crazy
Everybody seems so ______

Todd: Hazy? Lazy? Jay-Z?

"99 Problems"
Jay-Z: Fuckers
Miley: This is all so crazy
Everybody seems so FAMOUS

Todd: Oh, of course. Famous. Let's get ready for Round 2!

Miley: My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda homesick
Too much pressure and I'm _____

Todd: [not sure] Plastic? Dumb chick?

Miley: My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda homesick
Too much pressure and I'm NERVOUS

Todd (VO): That's right. If you said, "nervous," (HOMESICK = NERVOUS!) congratulations. You're today's winner, thanks for playing.

Miley: and a Britney song was on
and a Britney song was on
[Todd cues for clip from "Womanizer"]
and a Britney song was on

Todd: Okay, I know I'm making fun of her for being this squeaky-clean Disney princess, but am I really supposed to buy Miley Cyrus as some innocent country hick?

Miley: So hard with my girls not around me
It's definitely not a Nashville party

Todd: I mean, I know she's from Tennessee, I know her dad was a country singer—[clip of Billy Ray Cyrus - "Achy Breaky Heart"] and one of the most embarrassing flame-outs in country music history, for the record—but seriously. She's been a celebrity since she was what, eleven? I think she knows what LA is like. She was probably snorting cocaine with the Jonas Brothers right before she recorded this. It's not like she's really gonna be that shocked when she gets to the club and no one's square-dancing. [Sped-up clip of old people square-dancing] It doesn't even make sense in the song!

Todd (VO): She's just a hokey Nashville girl, but then she's cheered up by Britney Spears and Jay-Z? What?

Todd: And speaking of Britney Spears, wasn't there once this other...

Clip of young Britney riding go-kart

Todd (VO): nice little Southern girl who started out [intro on The All-New Mickey Mouse Club] on the Disney Channel, [clip from "...Baby One More Time"] and then made the transition into inappropriately sexual teen pop? Yeah...yeah, [pictures of Britney with shaved head] take a nice, long look at your future, Miley, and think really hard.

Todd: Is that how you wanna end up? Do you really wanna sacrifice your prime years to the hell of pop stardom? Do you really want your life to inevitably become this paparazzi-ridden emotional train wreck? Even with all the fame and fans and money...

Miley: Yeah, it's a party in the USA

Todd: I tried. I tried. [Gets up and leaves]

Miley: Yeah, it's a party in the USA!

Closing tag song: Alvin and the Chipmunks - "Achy Breaky Heart"


Miley is owned by Disney
This review is owned by me
The bridge before the last chorus is actually quite nice

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