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Ordinary
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Date Aired
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June 15, 2025
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Running Time
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24:27
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TBA
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Todd plays "Ordinary" on the piano
ALEX WARREN - ORDINARY
A pop song review
Todd: Hey, everyone. Uh, I know the historical videos have sucked up most of my efforts these days, but uh, I'm actually more in-tune with current music than I've probably ever been. And I know a lot of you expect me to keep you up on current events, so I figured I should give you an overview of the trends of the year so far in pop music.
Video of a desert with a tumbleweed blowing through
Todd (VO): Yes, one of the biggest songs of the year so far is a hackey...
Todd: ...stock joke about tumbleweeds. Debuting just ahead of [images of...] chirping crickets and record needle scratches. What I'm saying is that after...
Clips of Chappell Roan - "HOT TO GO!"...
Todd (VO): ...a blockbuster [...and Kendrick Lamar - "Not Like Us"] 2024, 2025 has been one of the saddest [image of a figure crawling through a desert captioned "Me looking for new hits"] and most stagnant years ever for music. [clip of Today Show story about 2025 summer trends] Summer has officially started, and it looks like the songs of the summer are [clip of Sabrina Carpenter - "Espresso"] basically gonna be the songs of last summer. [screenshot of Billboard headline "Hit Songs Are Lasting Longer on the Charts - But Why?"] Like, there is just no chart movement whatsoever.
Todd: I am constantly listening to the Hot 100 to see [image of "My Top 10 (in progress)", with 1. white girl, 2. best song by non-white girl, 4. different white girl, 6. token country song (woman this year? might be time), 8. song everyone hates but you 9. token rap song (might have to skip this year)] which white girl I put at the top of my best list every year. And none of the...
Clips of Chappell Roan - "The Giver"...
Todd (VO): ...big-name pop girls, veterans or newcomers, are doing shit. [...and Lady Gaga - "Abracadabra"] Gaga and Lorde are doing alright at best. That's about it. [clips of Kendrick Lamar & SZA - "luther"...] In hip hop news, the charts are still riding Kendrick's explosion last year, but that sure hasn't translated into a comeback for hip hop. [...Lil Baby, Young Thug & Future - "Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber"...] In fact, the entire last generation of new stars are all fucking tanking, like [..."Whenever" by...] Megan Thee Stallion completely flopped, [..."Just Us" by...] Jack Harlow and Doja Cat released a big collab that did nothing. [...and image from the hospital of...] Lil Nas X is literally on life support.
Todd: No one's doing nothing right now.
Clips of Riley Green - "Worst Way"...
Todd (VO): So, is this another country year then? Uh, I don't know. [...and "I Got Better" Shop Sessions performance by...] Morgan Wallen is still flooding the charts like usual with another stream-trolling album bomb, but I think fatigue is starting to set in. I-I don't see anyone else having a big year either.
Todd: In an incredibly bad sign...
Montage clips of Doechii - "Anxiety" (released 2020); Lorde - "Ribs" (released 2013); Imogen Heap - "Headlock" (released 2005); Charli XCX - "party 4 u" (released 2020)
Todd (VO): Things are so bad right now that many of the year's biggest songs are, once again, old fan favorites from as far back as 20 years ago. That's becoming an increasing sign of bad times in music.
Todd: In fact, one of the biggest hits this year is...
Clip of Chappell Roan's...
Todd (VO): ..."Pink Pony Club" (released 2020), which was my number one song of last year, and it was already old then. I thought that was kind of an unexpected pick from me.
Todd: And it's been fun to watch that choice become...
Clip of Kidz Bop - "Pink Pony Club"
Todd (VO): ...embarrassingly basic in record time.
Kidz Bop Kids: Pink Pony Club, I'm gonna keep on
Todd: So that's where it is, just nothing exciting going on, nothing new. Nothing that would make you look back and be nostalgic for this place in time. Nothing. [beat] Or is there?
Clips from 2025 American Music Awards, Alex Warren's Fallon performance, and a red carpet interview with Alex
Ciara: A rising sensation.
Jimmy Fallon: He's amassed over 300 million global streams.
Host: Number 1 on the Billboard Global 200.
Back to the American Music Awards performance
Ciara: That's become a worldwide phenomenon.
Todd (VO): Well, guess what? It turns out we do have a new name rising this year. He's maybe the one new artist that has a chance of being a real breakout star of 2025.
Todd: The same way that...
Clips of "Good Luck, Babe!" performance at the 2024 VMAs by...
Todd (VO): ...Chappell Roan was last year, [...and "bad guy" by...] or Billie Eilish in 2019.
Todd: Or dare I say...
Clip of live performance from...
Todd (VO): ...Michael Jackson in 1983? Ladies and gentlemen.
Todd: May I introduce you to the new sound of pop music!
Back to the American Music Awards performance
Alex Warren: They say the holy water's watered down
And this town's lost its faith, my colors
Todd is bewildered
Clip of "Ordinary"
Alex: On this side of Heaven
Todd (VO): This, huh?
Todd: Who is this? What?
Clip of Alex Warren & Joe Jonas - "Burning Down"
Alex: Guess you never know
Todd (VO): Okay, this doughy white guy is named Alex Warren, and just listening to this, you would not say that...
Todd: ...this guy's any kind of big name, cause... Cause this is boring.
Clip of "Ordinary"
Alex: Taking me out of the ordinary
I want you laying me down 'til we're dead and buried
Todd (VO): Like, no memorable hooks, the music has no punch. Uh, the lyrics, let me see here.
Alex: On this side of Heaven's gate
Oh, my life, how do ya breathe in, take my breath away?
Uh, Heaven's gate, take my breath away- It's just a bunch of boring clichés, not a single interesting turn of phrase in it.
Todd: At long last, Gen Z has its own...
Clip of Bryan Adams'...
Todd (VO): ..."(Everything I Do) I Do It For You". [back to "Ordinary"] But apparently he is a big name. In fact, he has the number one song in the country, probably the biggest pop song released this year.
Todd: And while he's the biggest new name in America, he is also absolutely fucking killing it in the UK.
Clip of the red carpet interview from earlier
Host: Became the longest running number one single by a male artist on the UK charts, surpassing Elvis.
Todd (VO): Yeah, he's- he's basically the most popular American in the UK since, like, [image of painting depicting...] Pocahontas. The Brits...
Todd: ...love this song.
Clip of Ed Sheeran acoustic performance
Todd (VO): As befitting the obsession with their own potato-faced white guys.
Clip of Capital FM interview with Alex
Jimmy Hill: "Ordinary" is absolutely everywhere, it is completely blowing up, that song. It's- it's done so, so well, I'm seeing it all over my TikTok feed.
I really have no room to judge the British when the song's American and also pretty popular in America. [clip of "Ordinary"] But boy, I-I really think this speaks to a serious flaw in the [image representing the British Empire] British national character. Just something...
Todd: ...about their cultural heritage of [image of...] mushy, boiled food makes them eat up this slop. In fact, I kinda wonder if the song is named "Ordinary" ironically?
Alex: Taking me out of the ordinary
Todd (VO): Like, Lady Gaga named [clips of Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper's...] "Shallow" that because it's- it's the first time [...and Lady Gaga - "Paparazzi"] she's trying to be not shallow, like, get it? [back to "Ordinary"] So maybe he named this song "Ordinary" to prove that, you know, he's not ordinary. Uh, well... Yeah, no, he did not succeed.
Todd: Now, I think I've given away that I don't particularly like this song, but...
Todd (VO): ...do I think it's terrible? No, it's just kinda dull. That's not a big deal, right? [exhales]
Todd: At least, that's where I started. But that's where I start every year with songs like this.
Clip of Duncan Lawrence - "Arcade"
Duncan Lawrence: Oh, oh-oh oh
Todd (VO): I'll be like, "Eh, whatever." Until I have to start writing the worst songs of the year list, and it's like [brief clip from SpongeBob Square Pants with Mr. Krabs saying...] "Wait a minute, I hate-"
Todd: Whatever you call this kinda music.
Clip of Alex's American Music Awards performance
Todd (VO): And I fundamentally do not believe songs like this have any right to exist, so I figured why not just get ahead of the curve and hate it now? And that really got me thinking, because like, [image of graphic for "Ordinary" reaching number 1 on the Global 200] a number one hit, really? [zooms in on "No. 1"] A number one hit, from a guy I've never heard of. [clip of Miley Cyrus - "End of the World"] At a time where, like, Miley or Ariana can't even touch the top 10.
Todd: So I'm gonna try and decode why this guy is the biggest name in music all of a sudden. Because, you know, [image of Alex Warren] how? How? How? It doesn't- [text appears: "Hughie from The Boys' even lamer cousin Dewey"] It doesn't make any sense. [sighs] Well, let us look at the prevailing theories.
THEORY #1: WHITE BOY SUMMER
Todd (VO): Theory number 1: America loves white guys singing too hard.
(Note: These theory titles show up throughout the video with "Ordinary" in the background)
Todd: You know, it's funny, the last time I tried to do this was for...
Clip of...
Todd (VO): ...Olivia Rodrigo's "drivers license", because she went straight to number 1 with her first single with no buildup whatsoever. Everyone was baffled, me included. And I...
Todd: I feel really silly about this now, like...
Clip of Olivia Rodrigo: GUTS World Tour
Todd (VO): An attractive young woman became a huge pop star? How could this have happened?
Todd: Uh, but in this case, we're not dealing with a...
Clip of "Ordinary"
Todd (VO): ...hot teen starlet, we're talking about this walking loaf of bread. That seems like we're doing something really wrong. Like, why listen to pop music if they're not gonna be glamorous and attractive?
Todd: But actually, this has been a growing trend for years now, and it seems to be really peaking.
Montage clips of Michael Marcagi - "Scared to Start"; Mark Ambor - "Belong Together"; Teddy Swims - "Lose Control"; Benson Boone - "Slow It Down"
Todd (VO): Earnest white guys had a surprisingly big year in 2024, whether it be your classic stomp-clappers, retro soul singers, or wannabe pop stars. [text appears: "(I feel like I made one of these guys up)"] Over-singing white guys has been a huge hit. [clip of "Too Sweet" by...] Like, even Hozier.
Hozier: You're too sweet for me
Arguably the guy who started all that shit, he got an out of nowhere second hit ten years after his first. [screenshot of headline "Why Does Everything Sound Like An Audition Song For 'The Voice'?"] So on first glance, that would be where Alex Warren fits in.
Clip of Alex's American Music Awards performance
Alex: Take my breath away
Todd (VO): I guess? But honestly, I'm only saying that cause it's the closest thing he fits to.
Todd: But I don't really think he fits it that well. Mainly because I don't really think he has a very good singing voice.
Clip of "Ordinary"
Alex: Hopeless hallelujah
Todd (VO): He sounds like [clip of live performance from...] Sam Smith singing at 80% speed.
The clips plays at a slow speed and is nearly unintelligible
[does an impression of Alex's slow, breathy, unintelligible vocals] Yeah, so if we took him...
Todd: ...just as a singer, I don't think I'd really count that as an explanation. [image of scale ranging from Lewis Capaldi to Michael McDonald] On the "White guy got pipes" scale, I'd rank [arrow points to low end of scale reading "here-ish"] him pretty low. So let's take theory number 2.
THEORY #2: UNDER THE INFLUENCER
Todd (VO): Number 2: This guy was already famous.
Todd: As someone who makes shit for the internet, I sometimes feel very...
Clip of VidCon 2022 advertisement
Todd (VO): ...embarrassed about how little I understand about my own industry. Like, sometimes I'll attempt to go to YouTube conventions but I don't recognize anything or understand anything that happens there.
Todd: I had dinner with [image of...] Mr. Beast once, and I had no knowledge whatsoever that he was anybody important. We did not speak. So uh, I didn't know this.
Clip of a TikTok from Alex
Todd (VO): But apparently Alex Warren is a very famous internet celebrity.
Alex: I'm Alex Warren, you're watching Awesomeness TV's Next Influencer.
He was, in fact, a member of the influencer collective known as the Hype House. In fact, he came up with the name.
Clip of a TikTok where Alex is lip-syncing to "Holding Out For a Hero"
Bonnie Tyler: I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need
Todd (VO): Yeah, as someone who works really fucking hard making worthwhile content that doesn't make you feel like a moron who wasted your life afterwards, uh, I have an innate suspicion of anyone whose job is "influencer." Like, that's a word you use when you can't even describe them as entertainers—they're distractors.
Todd: Like, they influence you to not work.
Todd (VO): Now, maybe this guy's content is really good, I don't know. From what I've read, apparently this guy got famous [clip of Alex skateboarding] doing stunts on TikTok, like, skateboard stunts and all that.
Todd: [sighs] Unfortunately, I cannot find [image of "Old Man Yells at Cloud" meme] said stunts because I refuse to figure out how TikTok works.
Clip of Alex Warren TikTok compilation
Todd (VO): I found a couple things on YouTube... Can't say I really get it.
Todd: What I'm saying is I definitely support him transitioning to music, which is, you know...
Clip of Alex Warren - "Carry You Home"
Todd (VO): ...an actual worthwhile artform. And he's not the only one who's turned being an influencer into a music career.
Todd: But influencers tend to make the kinda music you think they're gonna make.
Clip of Larray - "Cancelled"...
Todd (VO): Either they make songs that reflects that their lives are fucking insane or... [...and Addison Rae - "Obsessed"] Or just general, you know, "Look at me, I'm hot and sexy" like you'd want a pop star to do.
Clip of Leah Kate - "Twinkle Twinkle"
Leah Kate: Twinkle, twinkle, little bitch
Or sometimes, it's just the most obnoxious brain poison shit you've ever fucking heard.
Todd: But it's all something, not... You know.
Clip of "Ordinary"
Todd (VO): This. This guy got famous doing skateboard stunts? [clip from...] Like, you know how Bam Margera's Camp Kill Yourself had its own [clips of "Attached At the Hip" by...] punk band, CKY? This is like if CKY was [...and "Push" by...] Matchbox Twenty. How do you [clip of ET News story about...] live in something called a Hype House and make music this un-hype?
Clip of "Ordinary"
Alex: We'll make the mundane our masterpiece
Make the mundane our masterpiece? The mundane? What do you know about the mundane? You've lived the most insane life I've ever heard of, write about that! [clip of trailer for Hype House] To try and get a handle on this guy, I actually watched his wildly unpopular reality show. And I think I made it through about half of it before wanting to die, but I can tell you this much.
Todd: All of these guys and gals seem very frightened of being cancelled.
Alex: You can't leave your house if you've been cancelled, because you're subjecting yourself to literal harm.
Kouvr Annon: You do lose followers.
Alex: And you lose a ton of brand deals and means of income, because people wanna break your pocket.
Todd: So maybe...
Clip of Alex performing on Fallon
Todd (VO): ...that's why this guy is so boring. He wants to make sure he never does anything that provokes any reaction whatsoever.
Todd: [sighs] Of course, that doesn't get us anywhere explaining what his actual appeal is. So, let's talk about everyone's main theory.
THEORY #3: HE LOVES HIS WIFE
Todd (VO): Number 3: [singing] He loves his wife, he loves his wife.
Todd: [sighs] Alright, I have seen a number of people try to understand Alex Warren's appeal. And the number one label that everyone attaches to him: [screenshot of headlines "America's New Favorite Song Is by Its New No. Wife Guy"...] Wife Guy. [...and "The Age of the Internet 'Wife Guy'"] That's an internet term for guys who just talk loudly and constantly about how much they love their wives.
Clips of ET News story with Ryan Reynolds giving a speech...
Todd (VO): Sometimes it's adorable, sometimes it's annoying, [...and "every time ned fulmer says 'my wife'"] sometimes it's a giant fucking front and the guy's actually a complete piece of shit.
Todd: In this case, you know...
Clip of "Ordinary (Wedding Version)"
Todd (VO): I can't really get mad about that, you can't get mad at a singer [image of "The Entire History of Music" graphic] deciding to write songs about being in love with a woman. [clip of Alex Warren - "Give You Love"] And he and his wife do have, like, a genuinely nice story. She gave up everything to be with him, he was homeless for a time, they were living in a van or something. They stuck it out and stayed together after he got famous. So I-I guess he built up fans that way. You know, it's cute, right? I'm sure it is to most people.
Todd: I, unfortunately, am one of ten people who watched his awful reality show. And while he comes off as comparatively sane next to his roommates, he does not come off as a born romantic.
Clip from Hype House
Alex: Kouvr is afraid of ducks. Today, I have decided to surprise Kouvr with a duck hunt.
Kouvr: No. [turns around an walks away]
Alex: [laughs] Come on.
Todd (VO): There's a lot of him treating his wife kinda bad for the sake of making content. His big episode was staging a fake wedding to his girlfriend he hadn't proposed to yet.
Alex: So I, like I needed something crazy that I wouldn't normally do. And I thought, how fun would it be if we planned a wedding and had it in a day? Kouvr, will you fake-marry me for 24 hours?
For, you know, clicks. And uh, she seemed not thrilled with it.
Kouvr: This is definitely not the first time he's done something like this.
Alex: Will you eat this ring pop?
Kouvr: I genuinely hate you.
Todd: Ugh.
Kouvr: But I'd want to stop doing bits that blur the line between social media and relationship.
Todd (VO): Boy, that's not shit you want going in the photo album.
Todd: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
Todd (VO): It's a reality show, it's playing up the drama. And also they were 20 years old, everyone's a moron at that age. [clip from...] I mean, they cut out that part of The Notebook where they had a big blowout fight because Gosling kept leaving his socks on the couch. [clip of "Ordinary (Wedding Version)"] Now these two are married, it's adorable. He wrote this song, and it's a perfect song to play at weddings and shit. They even have a, quote, "Wedding Version" of the song, it just takes out the drums basically.
Alex: You got me kissing the ground of your sanctuary
I don't know, that's still not enough for me. I-I don't think that's much of a story to hang this on. Like, I don't think most people hear this song thinking that either. Like, this is just me but I don't feel the love. Like, I-I really don't.
Todd: Like, if you want some real Wife Guy music, I would turn to country music first.
Clip of Dan + Shay - "Speechless"
Dan + Shay: I'm speechless
Todd (VO): These guys, like, these guys are the for real deal, they are wit. These guys never leave the toilet seat up, they call to say "I love you" during their lunch breaks, they watch your crappy HGTV reality shows with you. As a simp for life myself, I find these guys aspirational. [clip of "Ordinary"] I just don't hear it in Alex Warren's voice at all, so... Ugh, I don't even think their happy love story suffices as an explanation.
Todd: [beat] So, um... If you wanna know my personal theory.
THEORY #4: REAL MEN LOVE...
Todd (VO): Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Todd: What is Alex Warren's genre, exactly?
Clip of Alex's American Music Awards performance
Alex: You got me kissing the ground of your sanctuary
Todd (VO): I really couldn't tell ya. Like, he's certainly not country, he's not catchy enough to be pop music, he's not earthy enough to be folk music. No even, like, [clip of "Thinking Out Loud" by...] the most polished, Ed Sheeran-y kind of pop folk. [back to the AMAs performance] And he's not stomp-clap cause he's not stomping or clapping.
Todd: Have we considered that this is actually Christian music?
Clip of Justin Bieber ft. Chance the Rapper - "Holy"
Todd (VO): Ok, here's a thing I've noticed: pop music has gotten a lot more Jesus-y in the 2020s.
Justin Bieber: Feels so holy, holy, holy, holy, holy, oh God!
There is a lot of religious-themed songs lately.
Clip of David Kushner - "Daylight"
David Kushner: Two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer
Todd (VO): There's a lot more praying to God, [clip of Shaboozey and Jelly Roll performing "Amen"] and "amens" and stuff.
Shaboozey: A-amen
A lot of it from villain arc speedrunner Jelly Roll, [clips of Jelly Roll's "Son of a Sinner"...] who launched into stardom with a song about Christian redemption that I admittedly really liked. [...and "Need a Favor"] And then he's been milking that shit to diminishing returns ever since. But he is definitely not the only one, I feel like I'm hearing a lot of this stuff that sounds kinda... Bible Belt-y.
Clip of Benson Boone - "Beautiful Things"
Benson Boone: And I thank God every day
Todd (VO): Now, you might be saying, "Well, that doesn't really mean anything, everyone everywhere uses religious imagery, that's just, you know, the language."
Todd: It's not like we're getting actual...
Clip of Hillsong Worship concert
Todd (VO): ...full-on, worship-y, "God's not dead", I can only imagine contemporary Christian songs on the charts or anything.
Todd: [exhales] Folks, I have really bad news
Clip of Forrest Frank - "Your Way's Better"
Forrest Frank: Oh Lord, your way's better, Jesus
Todd (VO): Yeah, we have full-on, no bullshit, self-identified Christian artists on the radio. And I mean, like, stuff that should be of use only to the most sheltered, fundamentalist, no connection to the modern world, "faint if you see a gay person" communities.
Clip of Brandon Lake - "Hard Fought Hallelujah"
Brandon Lake: God, you've been patient
God, you've been gracious
Like, this is a very real thing. There are two actual songs crossing over to the pop charts. One of them is this gnarly Chris Stapleton-type guy that I don't actually mind very much. Although...
Clip of Brandon Lake live performance with...
Jelly Roll: Heartfelt, been through hell hallelujah
Todd (VO): There's a Jelly Roll version, of course. Bo, is there any genre that you won't molest?
Todd: But this- This is the one that really concerns me.
Clip of "Your Way's Better"
Forrest: Lord, I am so thankful for the ways that you blessed me
Everything you say making waves like a jet ski
Todd (VO): Ugh, if God likes you so much, why would he let you write that lyric?
Todd: But even that's not the scary part. Like, I'll tell you what scares me the most.
Clip of "J CHRIST" by...
Todd (VO): Lil Nas X had a song that absolutely tanked last year. And at first I though well, you know, he went to it well too often, his blasphemy schtick wore out, it happens.
Todd: But people weren't just tired of it, people were actually offended.
Todd (VO): Like, genuinely angry about the offense to Jesus. [clip of "Your Way's Better"] Meanwhile, absolute garbage that sounds like AJR in a cult is succeeding where it failed. Pft. I have spent some time in the Bible Belt, and I-I thought once I left, this shit wouldn't follow me. This is a bad fucking sign, I thought I was out.
Todd: But anyway, is "Ordinary" a Christian song? No, no, no, not really, it's a love song.
Clip of "Ordinary"
Alex: They say the holy water's watered down
Todd (VO): He even says the angels are jealous of him and their love.
Alex: The angels up in the clouds are jealous knowing we found
Like, that's- that's offensive to the religious people, right? Mm, is it though? Alex Warren bringing up angels, and sanctuary, and holy waters, and alters, and prayer, you know, that seems deliberate.
Todd: Cause I watched his show.
Clip from Hype House
Alex: Recently posted a video where I did a hundred thousand views less than what I usually do.
Todd (VO): He's literally always thinking about his audience, and clicks, and metrics, so I think he knows what he's doing. [clip of the AMAs performance] Trying to tap into the whole Christian pop crowd. Not that I can actually prove he has any concrete connection to it.
Clip of Jelly Roll live performance
Jelly Roll: I recently heard a song that I felt like was one of the greatest love songs I'd ever heard, I brought Mr. Alex Warren here tonight to sing my favorite song.
Todd: FUKING JE-
Todd (VO): Of fucking course. That's two degrees of separation, that's close enough for me, he's a Christian artist.
Todd: Arguably Hozier started all this white boy over-singing shit ten years ago with "Take Me to Church".
Clip of Hozier live performance
Hozier: Take me to church, I worship like a dog
Todd (VO): And I'm on record saying that I do not like that song at all. But one thing you can say about it is that it's extremely sexual, extremely sacrilegious and you could not play that shit at a wedding. Like, your aunts would be fainting and everything. [clip of...] "Ordinary" though, you can sell that to even the crowd who thinks Harry Styles is an affront to God, or someone who's threatened by John Legend's overt sexuality. Like, is Alex Warren religious himself? Uh, yeah but... [sighs] That's not why I think of it as a Christian song.
Todd: I think of it as a Christian song because it sucks.
Todd (VO): Or rather, it sucks in a way that it doesn't sound like anything.
Todd: As much fun as I've had shit-talking Christian songs over the years, I-I actually like tons of religious-themed songs, and I...
Clip of live performance from...
Todd (VO): ...may have seen Reliant K in concert.
Clip of "Hard Fought Hallelujah"
Brandon Lake: I'll bring my storm-tossed, torn-sail
Like, this guy, I'm- I'm relatively okay with this guy. Because he puts some stank in his voice, and you can actually hear the instruments being played.
Todd: "Ordinary" sounds like nothing. It sounds like a really loud nothing, but it sounds like nothing.
Clip of live performance from...
Todd (VO): The band I hear this most compared to is Imagine Dragons. And you know, for the record, I don't hate Imagine Dragons as much as I make make myself seem a lot of the time. But I certainly dislike a lot of their songs, and so did you. And the reason is because... they sounded so empty. They were really loud and bombastic, but you couldn't air guitar to it, you couldn't make out any actual riffs or any instrument, the drums didn't sound like anything you'd wanna play. And if you tried to figure out what the songs are actually about, you'd get nowhere.
Todd: That's exactly the same problem I have with "Ordinary".
Clip of acoustic performance from...
Todd (VO): Like, at least Ed Sheeran lets you hear him play his goddamn guitar. He is very, very proud of that goddamn guitar, it's very prominent. [clip of the AMAs performance] With "Ordinary", you can't make out anything because it's so overbearing, it's like you're getting beaten to death with marshmallows. In fact, can we make this a rule?
Todd: You have to earn the right to a choir.
Todd (VO): You have to write something worth putting into the mouths of actual gospel singers. If anything about this song is offensive to Christians, it should be that. [clip of a choir performance] Like, please respect Christianity's single greatest contribution to music by not wasting their time.
Back to the AMAs performance
Alex (with the choir): On the edge of your knife, stayin' drunk on your vine
Edge of the knife, drunk on your vine, this is beginner hack lyrics, at least pull from [image of...] the Intermediate Hack's Guide to Songwriting before you make a church group sing it! [clip of "Ordinary"; sighs] This song's just not very good. I- I'll never really get why it's big right now, and I've done my best. [sighs] But I don't think any of the things I've said so far really covers it. So that'll bring me to my final theory.
Todd: One last hypothesis for why this song got big. [sighs]
THEORY #5: FUCK EVERYTHING
Todd (VO): Theory 5: Everything fucking sucks right now and is bullshit, and the world is full of morons who yearn for fucking garbage.
Todd: Pft! Boy, ok. Look, if you like this song, I'm not trying to insult you. Taste is subjective. I like way too much shit myself to be shitting on other people's music, you're allowed to like what you like. I am not saying it is bad for you to like this song. But it is bad that so many of you like this song.
Todd (VO): There's nothing good that's gonna come from a song this flavorless and hackey being this popular. We just do not need to be pandering to the same audience that doesn't put [image of...] paprika on their deviled eggs.
Todd: And quite frankly, maybe music is bad right now...
Clips of news stories about the Iran bombings
Todd (VO): ...because the world is bad.
Todd: I mean, I hate when critics try too hard to tie music in with the current events.
Clip of Kesha - "Tik Tok"
Todd (VO): Like, I hate that people have started calling early 2010s music "recession pop". Like no, the housing bubble bursting did not cause Lady Gaga. [clip of "Ordinary"] But man, I don't know, it's hard to see a song like this being the most popular song in America without thinking, "You know what? Maybe- maybe this is just what we deserve."
Todd: Like, I don't know, maybe music is over. Maybe pop music is over.
Todd (VO): Maybe some combination of bad times, a fracturing monoculture, an algorithmic playlist means that we're just not gonna have good music anymore. Maybe we should just give up on pop music for a while until things get better.
Todd: Until then, I'm Todd and-
Clips of GMA News story about Sabrina Carpenter's new album
Female Host: Sabrina Carpenter announcing she's got a new album in the works.
Todd: Oh, thank Christ. Ok, music's back on. Music's back, everyone, sorry. [gets up and leaves] Ugh, I don't even care if that song sucks or not. It's gotta be better than this, Christ.
Alex: Jealous knowing we found
Todd: [returns] Oh, and um... Uh, speaking of things that suck.
Clip from Abolish Everything
Todd (VO): Here's a little show about things that suck that I think you might like. It's called Abolish Everything, where four comedians compete to remove their pet peeve from the entire universe, and whoever can make the strongest case wins. It's a comedy debate, audience participation show like they used to put on cable television before that all collapsed. So imagine seeing your most hated pet peeve; badly trained dogs, that one song you hate, sketchy online mental health services. Imagine seeing people compete for the right to legally ban it from existence, and you get to be the judge. That's the joy of Abolish Everything, and you can...
Clip of ad for...
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Todd: Thank you and good night.
Closing Tag Song: Hannah Montana - "Ordinary Girl"
THE END
"Ordinary" belongs to Interscope Records
This video belongs to me
THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!!'