Old vs. New: Willy Wonka

Old vs New: Willy Wonka
Date Aired	September 22nd, 2009
Running Time	17:13
Website	http://www.tgwtg.com

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to, and welcome to another installment of Old vs. New.

The title card is shown, featuing an old man crossing his cane with a little boy's baseball bat, as dramatic music plays and lightning strikes.

NC: You wanna know what I love: Tim Burton.

NC (Voiceover): Everytime you see a movie by this guy, you know it's always gonna be dark, strange, and goofy. That is, except when he reimagines stuff. We all know what a powerhouse remake Planet of the Apes was, so I wasn't very enthusiastic when he was remaking one of my childhood favorites: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. When I saw the trailer for this movie, I REALLY thought it was gonna blow. You can't top the original. No way, no how.

NC: But much to my surprise ... I was totally right.

Clips of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory are shown

NC (Voiceover): Not that it was the WORST film, but I just don't think it held a candle to the original. Is this just the thoughts of a stubborn curmudgeon, or is there really something there that I'm missing? Well, let's take a look back. This is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory vs. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

The opening sequence features pictures of the characters from both movies, playing to the music of the Oompa Loompa songs from both movies, ending with the title card, Willy Wonka vs. Charlie.

NC: So, let's get down to the main star himself. ... That is, the main star of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory 'cause his name's in the title. Even though that movie was more about Charlie, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was ironically more about Willy Wonka, sort of a marketing mistake in my opinion. They should've thought a little harder. I ... Forget it.

Round 1 - Best Willy Wonka

Clips of both Wonkas are shown

NC: (Voiceover) These are two of my favorite actors: Gene Wilder and Johnny Depp. Everytime you see them, they're a ton of fun to watch, playing a ton of different characters, ranging from kind and innocent [meaning Johnny Depp as Edward Scissorhands] to psychotic and ...

Gene Wilder as Dr. Frankenstein: Ahhhh!

NC (Voiceover): ... more psychotic. But which one is the best Wonka? Well, let's take a look at Wilder. He has the ideas and ambition of a child, but the mind and demeanor of a James Bond villain.

A picture of a James Bond poster is shown called The Candy Man, with Wilder's Wonka pasted in, and James Bond music playing in the background

NC (Voiceover): Everytime you see him, you feel welcome, but also a little disturbed. When you look at him, you have no idea what he's thinking. You just know that he already has everything planned out.

Wonka (Mel Stuart): Two naughty, nasty little children gone. Three good, sweet little children left.

NC: (Voiceover) You can tell he has patience, but only for the people and ideas that deserve them. Everything else gets turned into a blueberry.

Wonka (Mel Stuart): Ahhhh!

NC: (Voiceover) So, yeah! He's pretty fucking demented. But he was also suave, elegant, mysterious, and when he needed to be, very kind. This gave him an edge, and lot of both children and adults to identify him and join him for the ride. Johnny Depp on the other hand...

Wonka (Tim Burton):You smell like ... old people.

NC: ...hurt me!

NC: (Voiceover) Now, don't get me wrong. I love Johnny Depp. And I'm all for reinventing what the Wonka character is like, but I have NO idea what he's doing here.

Wonka (Tim Burton): I always thought a Veruca was a type of wart that you get on the bottom of your foot. Ha ha!

NC: (Voiceover) I guess the idea is that he's a lost child in a grown man's body, due to his past, but nothing about him is consistent. He sends out golden tickets to find the right child to take over his factory, but when they arrive, he seems totally uninterested in them.

Violet (Tim Burton): Mr. Wonka, I'm Violet Beauraguarde.

Wonka (Tim Burton): I don't care.

Augustus (Tim Burton): Don't you want to know our names?

Wonka (Tim Burton): Can't imagine how it wouldn't matter.

NC: Maybe because they'll be running your SHIT.

NC (Voiceover): The Gene Wilder Wonka was fun to be around. Always cracking jokes while having a diabolical edge to him. This Wonka just annoys the fuck out of me.

Wonka (Mel Stuart): Where is fancy bread, in the heart or in the head?

Wonka (Tim Burton): The best kind of prize is a sur-prize. Ha ha ha!

NC (Voiceover): It's sorta like watching a friend act really bad in a play, but you're in such a world of awkwardness, you can't tell him.

Mike (Tim Burton): Who wants a beard?

Wonka (Tim Burton): Well, beatnicks for one. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, Daddy-O. Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down. I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother.

NC: Yeah, uh, that was good! That was good!

NC (Voiceover): Plus, why does he look like a mix between Marilyn Manson and that Russian chick from Indiana Jones 4?

Wonka (Mel Stuart): We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

Wonka (Tim Burton): Ha ha! You're really weird!

NC: (Voiceover) Johnny, I love you. But everyone has to have at least one bad performance, and unfortunately, this is yours.

NC: Point goes to the Wonka version.

Wonka (Tim Burton): That's weird!

Round 1 - Winner - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

NC: But what about the supporting cast? Which one is truly more scrumdidlycom... scrumd... scrumpapi... scrumdid... (pause) scrumdid...

Round 2 - Best Supporting Cast

Montage from both versions

NC: (Voiceover) In the Wonka version, all the kids are great actors and reflect the bratty steriotypes of the time. In the Charlie version, they pretty much got that down too. In fact, they updated. Mike Teevee is more obsessed with video games than he is with television, and his parents are a lot more careless. Like the kind of hapless people who wouldn't mind technology raise their child.

Mike (Tim Burton): DIE, DIE DIE!!

NC: (Voiceover) I also like the update with Violet, as they make her a winning-obsessed champion, and not just a gum enthusiest. The mother is updated, too, reflecting kind of a perfect soccer mom who pushes her daughter's victories to the Nth degree. That's a little bit more of a modern problem than a girl who just chews a lot. How about Grandpa Joe? Both are diffrent, but both seem to be supportive and strong. Especially when it comes to prancing out their bed-ripping sheets, fucking figgurs.

Cuts to stock footage of a guy standing up and eveybody looking

Man: Monsieur! I can walk!

Cuts to the normal montage

NC: I think I like the Wonka Grandpa Joe a little better because he was a tad more stubborn, which made him all the more supportive. But did they really have to make him sing?

'Wonka' Grandpa Joe (singing): I never dreamed that I would climb over the moom and ecstasy. (Grandpa Joe walks to the window and opens it) Good morning! Look at the sun!

The scene pauses and tomato flies in from the window and hits him in the face.

NC: (voiceover) SHUT UP!

NC (Voiceover): How 'bout the Oompa Loompas? Well, I've got to say I like the Wonka version again. Why? Well, how do I put this? Even though Deep Roy is a really enjoyable actor and he has a big task playing every single Oompa Loompa. Just to erase from your mind for a moment that you've ever heard of an Oompa Loompa yet. No idea what it is. Which one of these would bee an Oompa Loompa. (shows a picture of an Oompa Loompa from the Charlie version) Is this an Oompa Loompa? No, that's just a little person made even smaller. (shows a picture of an Oompa Loompa from the Wonka version) That's a fucking Oompa Loompa. Orange face, green hair, weird as hell. No contest. But for me, the big deciding point is Charlie himself. And I'm just gonna come out and say it: (shows Charle from remake) I hate this fucking brat. I'm sure he's a nice kid and he's acted well in other movies, but he is a frickin' saint in this picture. Does everything right, never thinks of himself, he's a damn boy scout.

Montage of Charlie in the remake

Charlie (Tim Burton): We need the money more than we need the chocolate. Candy doesn't have to have a point. I wouldn't give up my family for anything. Usually they're just trying to protect you because they love you.

NC: (voiceover) Every time I see his precious little smile, I just wanna deck him.

Depp: What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?

Charlie: My family.

NC (growling) (Voiceover): The old Charlie was a lot more realistic. He was a nice kid, but he was still a kid. He would get sad, he would get angry, and there's even moments where he would get greedy.

Montage of Charlie in original

Charlie (Mel Stuart): I want it more than any of them. Well in case you're wondering if it'll be me, it won't be. Just in case you're wondering, you can count me out.

NC (voiceover): you don't look down on him for it, we just know it's all part of being a little boy. (shows Charlie in remake) This kid could try out for Jesus.

Charlie (Tim Burton): I'll share it.

Grandpa Joe (Tim Burton): Oh no, Charlie. Not your birthday present.

Charlie (Tim Burton): It's my candy bar. And I'll do whatever I want with it. (breaks candy bar apart and gives it to everyone.)

NC (mocking Charlie; voiceover): Do this in memory of me. (normal) Also, his performance is pretty bland. But what do we expect when we pretty much have no juicy material to deal with?

Montage of Tim Burton's Charlie

Charile: Sure. Of course! Can you remember the fist candy you've ever ate? The gates are always closed.

NC (Mimicking Tim Burton's Charlie): Aren't I just charming? Ah ha ha...

NC (Voiceover): Seeing how Charlie is one of the main character as well as the focus of the story...

Johney Depp's maniac laughter in the elevator scene

NC (Voiceover): Well, should be. I think it's only fair to give credit for credit. point goes to the Wonka version.

Depp: Mumbler! Seriously, I cannot understand a single word you're saying.

Round 2 - Winner - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

NC: But you can't have a musical adventure without music! Otherwise you just have... an adventure! Which would still be pretty amazing... In fact maybe even more amazing because you don't wanna have all that damn music around annoying you.

A few moments of awkward silence

Round 2 - Winner - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

NC: I, I need something to off, off with this.

Tim Burton's Wonka sticks out his tongue and makes funny noise.

NC: Thank you! This is Best Music.

Round 3 - Best Music

NC (Voiceover): Now the songs from Willy Wonka are known by pretty much everybody. They're catchy, they're timeless, they're household tunes.

Footages of song sequences from Wonka movie

Candy store owner (singing): The Candy Man Can.

Mrs. Bucket (Singing): Cheer up, Charlie.

Grandpa Joe and Charlie (Singing): I've got a golden ticket!

NC (Voiceover): Then who do you get to try to match songs like those? Well, the guy who did the music of The NIghtmare Before Christmas is pretty good. Composer Danny Elfman has practically done all of Tim Burton's movies. So it was pretty lucky that he also had to be a songwriter. But how do you compete with the songs that everybody knows and loves? Well, the solution was actually pretty clever. The songs don't appear untill they enter the factory and only sung by the Oompa Loompas. But with every song they sing, they try a new decade of music. They start off with the 50's mambo...

Oompa Loompas (Singing): Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop, The great big, greedy nincompoop.

NC (Voiceover): 60's disco...

Oompa Loompas (Singing): She goes on chewing till, at last, Her chewing muscles grow so vast.

NC (Voiceover): 70's hippy song...

Oompa Loompas (Singing): A rather different set of friends.

NC (Voiceover): And 80's rock.

Oompa Loompas (Singing): A fairyland, a fairyland, His brain becomes as soft as cheese, His thinking powers rust and freeze.

NC (Voiceover): It's a really clever idea. The only downside is that the songs while entertaining, but pretty short and to be honest not very memorable. That is except for...

The famous catchy Wonka's Welcome Song song is played.

Candy Dolls: Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatier...

NC blocks his ears and groans.

NC (Voiceover): This song tormented so many people monthes after they saw this film. It's so cathcy that you believe your brains out of your ears.

Candy Dolls: With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it! To contain it! To contain, to contain, to contain! Hooray!

NC is frowning at his best while blocking his ears.

NC: But enough of that.

The song comtinues to play.

NC: I said enough of that!

The song still plays.

NC: For god's sake at least play something else!

"Small World" is played. NC cries and blocks his ears again.

Depp's Wonka laughs.

NC: Shut up! NC (Voiceover): But how does the rest of the music fair out? Well, they both seem to match the tone they're trying to say. Wonka's is more whimsical and smooth. But Charlie's a bit more quirky.

NC (Voiceover): But if I have to choose I really do have to go with the original Wonka version. No disrespect to Elfman, but these are just classic and memorable, perfect songs. I wouldn't expect anybody to top that. Again, point goes Wonka (Tim Burton): Once again, you really shouldn't mumble. 'Cos it's kinda starting to bum me out.

Round 3 - Winner - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory