Nightmares on Elm Street #3-4
October 12th, 2015
The man of your dreams is back... and we wish he had stayed away.
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop– (stops abruptly as he looks around) Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. We continue our look at–
(He is interrupted by the sound of clanking, which annoys him)
Linkara: (calling out) SHUT UP ALREADY! (looks back into camera) ..."Nightmares on Elm Street".
(Suddenly, he hears the sound of Freddy Krueger's creepy laughter. He looks around nervously, his magic gun at the ready. Cut to black)
Linkara (v/o): Last time on "Nightmares on Elm Street"...
(A montage is shown of shots of the first two issues of "Nightmares on Elm Street" as Linkara gives a recap)
Linkara (v/o): Freddy Krueger attacked a woman named Cybil, an old college friend of recurring series protagonist Nancy, in her dreams. She sought out Nancy, only to discover her kinda-sorta death in the third movie. In reality, she has become a dream counterpoint to Freddy, whatever the hell that means, and is trying to protect the "beautiful dream", which is apparently an average suburban home that Freddy cannot enter.
Linkara: Freddy Krueger's one true weakness: home decorating.
Linkara (v/o): After meeting with Dr. Neil Gordon, also from the third movie, our heroes learn that Freddy cannot be destroyed, just have his power diminished so that it'll take him a while to come back. And so, they bravely confront Freddy... only to then haul ass when they see him.
(Cut to a clip of Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
Minstrel (Neil Innes): (singing) Brave Sir Robin ran away...
Sir Robin (Eric Idle): No!
Minstrel: Bravely ran away, away...
Sir Robin: I didn't!
(Cut back to the comics)
Linkara (v/o): It's also revealed that Cybil is pregnant from her dead husband, and that children's souls are something that hang out in a dream meadow before they're born, despite not having the concept of grass yet. In the end, Cybil was confronted by Jack the Ripper, for some reason. Also, Freddy killed a woman with a sewing machine.
(Cut to 90s Kid wearing a visor)
90s Kid: (giving a thumbs-up) Sewing machine!
Linkara: I am also trapped in my office, since every time I open the door, some new horror awaits me. And the last time I tried to leave despite that, well...
(Cut to a clip of Linkara's first video on the series, as he looks around the room, magic gun at the ready)
Freddy-like voice: You're here forever!
(Cut back to the present-day Linkara)
Linkara: I have a bit of a headache from that one. In the meantime, though, let's dig into (holds up the next two comics, one at a time) "Nightmares on Elm Street #3" and "#4", and see where this comic is going, since I'm certainly not going anywhere.
(AT4W title sequence plays, and the title card has "I'm Awake Now" by the Goo Goo Dolls playing in the background. Cut to a closeup of the third comic's cover)
Linkara (v/o): Issue 3's cover is pretty good, but yet again, we have some uncanny valley with how people are drawn. Freddy this time is fine, a bit over-the-top, but at least both top and bottom teeth are showing. What's not so good is the demonic mirror here, showing two extremes of a woman holding a kid. In the mirror, the kid is apparently missing all his skin.
Linkara: Clive Barker's "It's Hellraising Kids".
Linkara (v/o): However, apparently seeing himself without skin just bores the child, while the woman is making the same porn face that Sue Storm made in that one Greg Land page.
(The comic opens to the first page)
Linkara (v/o): We open on... some new pencils. Yes, for some reason, for the rest of the miniseries, we've lost the painted artwork of Tony Harris and have instead gotten Patrick Rolo. I actually find this to be an improvement. While Harris' artwork was great for the dream sequences, I'd rather have a more general comic book look, if that makes any sense, for the overall book, since making the real world stuff appear too surreal, stiff, or just otherwise bizarre kinda takes away from the overall experience.
(Cut to a shot of an issue of "Mr. T and the T Force")
Linkara (v/o): Rolo's art here seems to resemble the stuff Neil Adams was doing over at Now Comics. I like it, it's clean and simple.
(Cut back to the "Nightmares" comic)
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, we truly open with Sarah Connors here* driving along the road at the end of The Terminator.
- NOTE: It's actually Alice, the dream master, as Linkara explains below.
Alice: (narrating) Six years... I haven't been back here for six years.
(Cut to a clip of an episode of Red Dwarf)
Lister: Let's look at that lively book!
(Back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): This is the Dream Master, Alice, from the fourth and fifth movies.
(Cut to footage of Alice in the movies)
Linkara (v/o): She's the Dream Master because... uh... I dunno. In the fourth movie, she absorbed all her dead friend's dream powers into herself, I guess, and she recited a plagiarized version of "Now I lay me down to sleep". Alice herself is a fine character. I like her arc and development. It's just the movies themselves are a bit head-tilting in their logic, like the aforementioned "unborn, freshly-conceived children have dreams" thing from Part 5.
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Speaking of, the product of that movie is with her: her son, Jacob.
Alice: (narrating) Jacob never knew his father.
Linkara: Eh, tell him he just became Ghost Rider. It's not too far off.
Jacob: When are we going to be home, Mother.
Linkara (v/o): When are you gonna use question marks?
Alice: When we're done here, dear. Mommy's got to take care of Granddad's things, and then we'll go back.
Jacob: That's not what I meant. I meant Springwood.
Alice: Dear, that's not our home. You haven't even been here since you were born. We aren't going to stay, baby.
Linkara: Okay, Alice, your kid who palled around with Freddy Krueger before he was born is being creepy and referring to a place he shouldn't remember as (makes an "air quote") "home". Maybe you should've found a sitter.
Linkara (v/o): Alice's father has passed away, so she has to go back to Springwood to handle his affairs. And it actually feels like, from this artwork, that we're in a bit of a transition between movies 5 and 6.
(Cut to footage of Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare)
Linkara (v/o): At the beginning of Freddy's Dead, it said it took place ten years in the future, and Springwood's entire child population was dead, that the town had fallen into disrepair, and the only people still there were suffering from a little case of cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Linkara: Fortunately, by the time Freddy vs. Jason came around, the place had completely turned itself around, teenagers sprung out of nowhere, (points to camera) and everything was a-okay. This is why elections are so important, especially when you run on an anti-Freddy Krueger platform.
Linkara (v/o): I mean, before the new mayor showed up, this Elm Street sign had Freddy's slash marks on it. With some city ordinances, this never happened again. Also, when the hell did Freddy do that? This page also informs us that this is "Loose Ends, Part 1: Return To Springwood". Okay, I have been operating under the impression that this comic is a miniseries, but was it actually supposed to be an ongoing? Is that why the art changed? Like I've said before, it's hard to get information on stuff like this for smaller independent companies, so I'm not sure what's going on. Anyway, Alice arrived at her old house and is greeted by a blonde woman*.
- NOTE: The lady's name is Devonne, as will be explained moments later.
Devonne: Sorry to hear about Fred's accident. All of us 'round here have all been broken up about it.
Alice: It doesn't seem as if there are that many people left in the neighborhood to know him.
Linkara: (as Devonne) Well, admittedly, the neighborhood association meetings will be a little lonelier now that it's just me and my cat, but at least referendums will be passed faster.
Devonne: Hey, little fella! You're a cute one! What's your name?
Linkara (v/o): Aaand the kid has no skin.
Jacob: Jacob Daniel Johnson.
Linkara: KFC proudly presents the new Skinless Jacob combo meal.
Linkara (v/o): So yeah, the lady named... uh, Lady... doesn't mention that Jacob looked like an under-ripe prune, and our heroes excuse themselves so Alice can practice being a rubber-bendy doll in this panel. Alice sees ghostly images of the movies playing out, basically just remembering all her dead friends and family. It's quite heartwarming, actually, a reminder that these deaths mattered to the main character and weren't just kill fodder for Freddy, even though they technically were. She breaks down a bit and hugs Jacob, who apparently was able to see the same ghostly images.
Alice: There wasn't anyone there, Jacob. Mommy was just remembering things.
Jacob: I was remembering them with you.
Alice: Jacob, you shouldn't be doing that. You know what I told you about what happens sometimes in people's minds.
Linkara: So Jacob has Shining powers? Holy crap! Freddy Versus The Shining! Why aren't there more "Versus" movies?!
Linkara (v/o): Jacob reveals that he also read the mind of that woman they met and that her name is Devonne.
Alice: I want you to stay away from Devonne if she comes around here. She makes me feel creepy.
Linkara: (confused) The woman who offered condolences about your dad was creepy, but your psychic son, who refers to you as (makes an "air quote") "Mother" is perfectly okay?
Linkara (v/o): We cut over to Dr. Gordon as he wanders around a hospital. Someone comes up to him and asks for help with a patient who's injured himself. And we know the situation is serious because of all the pink smoke in the halls! They need help with a patient who has cut off his own eyelids to keep himself from going to sleep.
Linkara: Gruesome, yes, (holds up index finger) but he has a bright future ahead of himself in championship staring contests.
Linkara (v/o): The guy screams that Freddy is here, something Dr. Gordon reinforces... aaand the other doctors suddenly grab Gordon and strap him to the table, revealing one of the surgeons to be Freddy, so this is a nightmare. Again, kudos to this issue. Despite the pink smoke, because of the presence of that guy who cut off his own eyelids, the comic did fool me into thinking this was the real world again.
Doctor: Doctor Krueger, do we need to sedate Doctor Gordon?
Freddy: Oh, yes. We'll put him to sleep... permanently!
Linkara: Freddy, that doesn't make any sense! You're not a veterinarian in this dream.
Linkara (v/o): And Freddy, this is not Inception; he's already asleep. We also see that the orderly assisting Freddy is Taryn, again from Nightmare 3. Good to see she had a career after Freddy killed her. She tries to put a glove on Freddy's hand for the operation, but of course, it tears because of his knives.
Freddy: Aww, what a shame. No "safe slashing" without latex.
'Linkara: Well, then, enjoy your malpractice lawsuit, Freddy.
Linkara (v/o): And was that supposed to be a condom joke? Freddy, you're all over the place with this one. Before Freddy can slash him, however, two glowing arms reach up from the bed and cop a feel on Dr. Gordon. We cut back to the real world, the actual one this time, where we see that Dr. Gordon is actually in a coma. Here, we meet with Yvonne, supporting character in the fifth movie who's best friends with Alice. Speaking of, the two reunite, and Alice admits she's having trouble with coming back to Springwood after, you know, the whole "all their friends and loved ones died, and she's a single mother, and her dad just died, too" thing. However, Yvonne also tells us that apparently, the last two issues happened THREE YEARS AGO.
Yvonne: He was in a car accident three years ago. It was a double tragedy, actually. He had just come from a woman's house who had died from eclampsia-- that's a complication of pregnancy--when he had the wreck.
Linkara: Yeah, spoilers: uh... Cybil's dead. Aaand she never appears in the book again. Not even mentioned after this. Killed off-panel, in fact. (sarcastically giving a thumbs-up) Thanks for wasting our time for two issues! (smiles)
(Footage is shown of the Nightmare movies)
Linkara (v/o): Now, to be fair, the more I thought about it, the series has done this before. In three movies, we followed someone for a bit who we were led to believe was the main character, but then they're killed off. Except, one, they still interacted with the actual main character before that point. Alice is now technically the main character here, and she will never hear Cybil's name.
(Back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): Two, there wasn't as much set up for those main characters. In those two issues, we were given her friends, the unborn daughter, the Jack the Ripper stuff. Hell, the Jack the Ripper ending is now just completely gone and nonsensical. I'm sure you can claim it was Freddy, but why bother with the human-looking face when he was perfectly happy to chase her as himself in the opening pages? Basically, given lots of plotlines that are never resolved or followed up on for the rest of the mini! And three, basically, those two issues are completely unnecessary. All the information about the beautiful dream and Nancy and Neil stuff, Krueger as an unstoppable force... Yeah, all that is repeated in these next issues, so you can basically jump into this from Issue 3 and not be lost, as long as you've seen the movies before.
Linkara: It's rare for a comic to render an entire third of its story completely pointless, but you pulled it off, "Nightmares on Elm Street". Great job.
Linkara (v/o): I can't get over this. It's frustrating as hell to think of how none of that mattered. I just don't understand. Did they get bored with the story at that point and decide to call a do-over?! Anyway, Dr. Gordon has been in a coma for the last three years and occasionally coming close to coming out, but ultimately going back in. Jacob uses his psychic powers to reveal that he's happy in there most of the time and that Nancy is keeping him safe from Freddy. This causes Alice and Yvonne to express...
(Cut to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang)
Crow T. Robot: Dull surprise! (mimics cheering)
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): We cut over to Devonne as she picks up a football player by the side of the road... and also seeing him as if he forgot to put his skin on today. She seduces him... and then bashes his head in with a hammer. Also, the sound of a hammer cracking a guy's skull open is "PIIITTTSSSHH". She also gets a good taste of blood and brain food.
Linkara: (as Devonne) Mmm! Tastes like grape jelly and mustard!
Linkara (v/o): She performs with rituals and candles in the body, basically so that his soul will go over to Freddy, hoping to control her dreams that night.
Linkara: Some people use hypnotism to become lucid dreamers. Others use ritualistic murder.
Linkara (v/o): Back over to our heroes, Alice tucks Jacob into bed, and Yvonne points out how weird Jacob is acting, calling her "Mother" and being super serious. Alice fears that the events of the fifth film and Freddy's influence on him in the womb may have affected him. Also, the mind-reading thing.
Alice: I know this is going to sound dumb, but he can see into people's minds. He's... psychic.
Yvonne: Girl, we fought some guy in the dreamworld who's been dead for twenty years-- and you're saying it's gonna sound dumb that your kid's psychic?
Linkara: No, but it is dumb when Freddy bakes souls into a pizza.
Linkara (v/o): When Alice explains that she plans to sell her father's house, Yvonne states that might be tricky. Someone's been going around murdering kids, and it's been happening when people are awake, so it's unlikely to be Freddy.
Yvonne: You might be mad at me for suggesting this, but with his powers, maybe he can help find this killer.
Linkara (v/o): Hmm, your word balloon says "angry and dismissive", but your face says, "Ehhh...". Over in dreamland, Devonne goes into the power plant boiler room... whatever... that Freddy had, even passing the human-faced dog from Nightmare 2, one of the few references to that film made in the franchise. Anyway, she makes out with Freddy for a bit... aaand then she's attacked by Godyssey-level bad artwork. I mean, WOW! I don't doubt Devonne wants to rub her ass on Freddy, but her stance does not imply that's what she's intending to do. When Freddy disappears, she walks into another room... only to emerge outside a house, which explodes. And in the flaming wreckage emerges this lady...
Flaming lady: I looooovee you, Deeeevvvoooonne.
Linkara: Okay, a bit more obscure, but I'd settle for Freddy vs. Vapora, too.
Linkara (v/o): Freddy informs Devonne that she's not done her work yet, and he needs her to bring him someone. Meanwhile, Alice falls asleep... and apparently, the Road Runner is signaling her. But no, in this pink smoke dream, she sees Jacob's father Dan arriving to pick her up on his motorcycle. They start driving towards Jacob, who's standing in the middle of the road.
Dan: Ten points for a five-year-old.
Linkara: Only ten? (scoffs) Lamest Grand Theft Auto game ever!
Linkara (v/o): Alice redirects the bike not to hit their son, and she's thrown off, now seeing both Freddy and Daniel as he looked when he died in his dream. And I'm sorry, I forgot, he didn't turn into Ghost Rider, he turned into a Predator.
Alice: I killed you!
Freddy: I got better.
Linkara: Freddy, you are really just not trying anymore, are you, man?
Linkara (v/o): Jacob uses his psychic powers to blow Freddy and his dad up but good, encouraging his injured mother to sleep. And so, our comic ends with Devonne showing up to take Jacob away, but he's already awake and waiting for her, volunteering to go with her so they can see his father.
(Cut briefly to a shot of the "Intermission" image from Monty Python and the Holy Grail before cutting to a closeup of the fourth issue's cover)
Linkara (v/o): Issue 4's cover is... Yeesh. I like it in concept, but the actual artwork is so stiff. Jacob and Alice are hiding behind Dan's gravestone, where an arm is emerging from the grave; Freddy is stalking them; and Jacob is wearing a burlap sack for some reason. I guess that's because it's what he wore in the dream world before he was born, but he's unrecognizable otherwise, so why bother? It's not like he's wearing that anymore. Also, Alice's head was apparently replaced with a creepy mannequin.
(Cut to a clip of the original version of Halloween)
Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence): The blackest eyes... The devil's eyes...
(Back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): We open with Devonne driving Jacob to the cemetery, although there's more pink smoke, which should be an indicator that this is a dream, but it is not. When Jacob points out that they're getting close, Devonne is confused because he said he'd never been there before.
Jacob: I know, that's all.
Linkara: The most underrated of psychic abilities: (points to camera) Instant Google Maps.
Jacob: You don't need to talk funny to me. I know what you really sound like.
Devonne: What do you mean, sugar?
Jacob: You aren't really from the South. You just talk that way sometimes to trick people.
Linkara: (as Devonne, speaking in a pronounced Minnesotan accent) Well, (snaps fingers) drat, kiddo! Guess I couldn't hide my real Minnesotan accent around you there. Yup, you betcha you're one smart fish, I'll tell you. Whew, my, it's just so ding-dang cold around here. That's different.
Jacob: You don't really like me, either. That's okay... You will.
Linkara (v/o): Aaand he's smiling. Okay, you know how I said he was acting creepy before when he wasn't smiling? I take that back; he's far creepier when he smiles. You can stop that, Jacob. Arriving at the cemetery, Jacob quickly finds his father's grave, allowing us a chance to look at his pajamas, featuring a totally-not-copyrighted character that destroyed my former video host. Then, we cut over to Alice.
Narrator: And this is Alice...
Linkara: Thank you, narrator. I would've been completely confused without your assistance.
Linkara (v/o): She quickly discovers that Jacob is missing and collapses outside in her underwear.
(Cut to the iconic clip of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
Kirk (William Shatner): KHAAAAAAAN!!
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Remember earlier how I said I actually prefer this artwork? Yyyeah... I may have to reevaluate that. It goes more and more '90s as the comic goes on. Sure, it's still better than early Image; we're not gonna see a beefy Freddy...
(Cut to a clip of Nightmare on Elm Street 5)
Freddy: Super Freddy!
(Back to the comic again)
Linkara (v/o): In the comic, I mean. But the women are becoming increasingly incapable of standing up straight, instead preferring to curve themselves into a sideways W. Back over to Jacob, he yells at Devonne to go away, telling her that she has a family in the cemetery to visit, too. Jacob fails to make contact with his dead father, because despite being psychic, he is not a particularly smart child. However, he also spots Devonne rapidly talking to herself, concerning her parents, before her head... explodes or something. I dunno, maybe that's supposed to be all the pain she's feeling from her spine cracking like that. I mean, ouch! That is some "Ultimates 3"-level spinal contortion right there! Jacob travels into Devonne's memories, revealing that her father was severely abusive, to the point where he accidentally killed Devonne's sister, Denise. Somehow, this does not land him in prison, so Devonne just turns on the gas line and lets her mom lighting a cigarette blow them up. I should point out that the mom was clearly abused as well, soo... that's kind of a bummer. So, to take ourselves away from that real world kind of crappiness, enjoy this clip from Freddy's Nightmares.
(Cut to a clip of an episode of Freddy's Nightmares, showing Freddy playing rapping DJ)
Freddy: It's time for our boy to... FACE THE MUSIC... with Rap Master Freddy!
(Cut back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): And hey, Jacob's inside some of astral form during this, and he tries to attack the abusive father, showing the most human-like behavior I've seen out of him so far. We also reveal that the skinless thing is actually meant to be burns, as Devonne's completely burnt mother escapes the house before dying. And she was also apparently a neighbor to the Kruegers, sooo... yeah, there's another added layer of creepiness to their relationship: Freddy knew Devonne as a little kid. And of course, this is also somewhat of a dream, so her mother's corpse starts talking to her.
Devonne's mother: You need to be punished! Just wait until your father gets here!
Linkara: (as Devonne) Oh, don't worry, Mom, they're bringing him right here (points to his right) from over there. (points upward) And there. (points down) And there. (points to his left) I think that's his foot right there.
Linkara (v/o): Back in the real world, Alice is reporting Jacob's disappearance to the police, but they're overworked with all the other disappearances and murders. Alice wonders why there isn't any outside help coming to deal with the crisis.
Police officer: We've asked for help, but we don't seem to get it. Springwood's like a black hole sometimes.
Linkara: So Freddy has power over the FBI?! (leans in close) How high does this conspiracy go?!
Linkara (v/o): It's something that bugs me about the franchise sometimes: how much he actually seems to possess over the real world. The guy is only supposed to have power in dreams. That's the entire reason why Nancy and Maggie in the movies try to drag him out of the dream. In the real world, he's just some asshole with knives duct-taped to a glove! How the hell is he keeping cars from coming in and crap?! Anyway, Yvonne shows up and... Dear Lord, it looks like someone took her character model and stretched it vertically, not helped by this next panel where she, too, is doing the Godyssey pose of her spine going ninety degrees to push her ass out behind her. Back in the dream world, Freddy has met up with Jacob.
Freddy: Come on, Jacob. I've got something to show you.
Linkara: (as Freddy) It's this really funny YouTube video, Jacob. I bet it becomes a meme.
Jacob: Where are going?
Freddy: Into my playground...
Linkara: Freddy's playground is truly a thing of nightmares. (leans in close to camera) It lacks a swing set!
Freddy: I want to show you what kind of toys I play with.
Linkara: (as Krueger, holding up his hand, in a holding motion) So anyway, here's my Leader Class Optimus Prime. Cooh, huh?
Linkara (v/o): Just lay on the pedophile vibes more, Freddy. I know you were intended to be a child molester, but it was never actually stated in the films you were one, so this is just icky. He leads Jacob to the junkyard he was buried in in Part 3 and then into a car truck.
Freddy: This is the back way in.
Linkara: This is a weird remake of Chronicles of Narnia.
Linkara (v/o): And inside is... uh... dolls; sorta naked, blue bodies suspended everywhere; skeleton dude in the back; and the demonic wheelchair from a dream in Part 3. Good times.
Freddy: Welcome to Wonderland!
Linkara: And yet, still not as joyless and murky as Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland.
Freddy: Welcome to my nightmares!
Linkara: Logically, if these are your nightmares, shouldn't that mean you're scared of all of this? Or are you afraid that all the blue, naked bodies make the place look tacky, and that's what you're afraid of?
Linkara (v/o): Freddy explains that all the bodies in the place and in the walls are Springwood's dreamers, that for some reason, the place has had tons and tons of unusual sleep disorders even before he came around, that the town is living in a nightmare that he controls. Bit of an unnecessary contrivance, if you ask me. Why does this need to be overcomplicated? Freddy's a sadist who attacks people in their dreams. Done! This isn't Silent Hill. Why does a whole town need to be messed up in some way? Jacob asks why the hell he should help Freddy.
Jacob: You hurt people.
Freddy: But you don't have any great love for "people," do you, Jacob? You know what they're really like inside, what they whisper in their minds.
Linkara: (as Freddy) Which makes it okay for me to stab them!
Linkara (v/o): Because that's bullcrap, even if he did believe people sucked, Freddy offers a better incentive: his father. While Dan and Jacob go off to do some bonding, Freddy gets Devonne and orders her to kill Alice and anyone with her. When she awakens, we can see that her stomach is... well, maybe the artist should've paid attention to how thin her stomach is versus how to position her ass at the camera. Also, Devonne owns an uzi. She's able to track down Alice and Yvonne, thanks to a note Alice left at her place in case Jacob came back, and we cut over to our heroes on their way back to the hospital. Yvonne figures that Dr. Gordon is their best chance now. She recalls that Jacob said Nancy was protecting Dr. Gordon and explains about Nancy having fought Freddy before. And so, our comic ends with the two arriving at Dr. Gordon's bed and exclaiming out loud Freddy has Jacob... which, for some reason, wakes him up.
Linkara: (holding up both comics) These comics are... "ehhh" once again, but leaning more towards "suck".
Linkara (v/o): I've got to admit, the comics are starting to lose me. Aside from the fact that we might as well be in a new miniseries altogether after the now-useless first two issues, the new artwork at first seemed like a welcome change, but instead is embracing awful drawings of women, not to mention some pretty bad facial expressions. The story is... okay, for the most part. Some of it is bridging Nightmares 5 and 6, some of it has good character bits for Alice, and the idea of Freddy having an accomplice in the Waking World is something new for the series. This book is still not good, but I don't know yet if I can qualify it as all that bad.
Linkara: Next time, we conclude this miniseries–
(Suddenly, he is interrupted by loud clanking noises which cause him to drop the comics and clutch at the sides of his head, as though having a headache)
Linkara: SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUUUUUT UUUUUUUP!!!!
Harvey: Linkara, let us in!
Pollo: You've been doing that for hours. It's not going to work with the state he's in.
Harvey: At least, then, we're doing something! (looks up) Nims, any luck with the force field?
Dr. Linksano: (speaking through Nimue) Nimue is directing all her attention to bring down the force field, but it's in place by protected backup systems. She's unable to gain access.
Pollo: Only because it was designed that way. Linksano, any progress on the teleport?
Dr. Linksano: I've been over it six times. There just isn't a way to narrow the teleport beam enough to pierce the force field. Maybe if you had asked that Sierra computer how he did it...
Pollo: Well, I didn't. But here's an idea: prove you're smarter than that idiot ripoff ever was!
(Suddenly, the mysterious Erin appears in the room, reaching up on the bookshelf to take down a box containing the Magic Coin. Suddenly, the alarm goes off, startling her. The alarm gets Harvey and Pollo's attention, and they quickly spot Erin)
Pollo: You again?!
(Harvey aims a pistol at Erin, who becomes nervous and speaks into a communicator in her ear)
Erin: Seris, I don't think the cloaking device is working anymore.
Harvey: You've got five seconds to tell us what you did to Linkara, lady!
Erin: (confused) What?
Pollo: What have you done to Linkara?
Erin: No idea what you're talking about. I'm just here for the coin.
Harvey: Forgive me if I seem suspicious when there's crap going on with the kid in the other room!
Erin: What stuff?
Pollo: Linkara began a review of some Nightmare on Elm Street comics. Then his office got locked, and from our surveillance, we know something's happening to him.
Erin: Reviewing...? Oh! He's an Internet reviewer, right?
Harvey: Yeah, so?
Erin: Well, it's October, and he's doing a horror review. This sort of thing happens all the time to Internet reviewers. If he's reviewing A Nightmare on Elm Street, then he's probably having a nightmare where he fights Freddy Krueger. It's one of our oldest tropes. Hasn't this sort of thing happened on his show before?
Pollo: Technically, yes.
Erin: So, all you have to do is... let it play out. He'll fight Freddy, and everything'll work out.
Harvey: Nice theory, but there's a little bit of a problem with it.
Erin: What's that?
Pollo: He's not asleep.
Harvey: We've got surveillance on the kid. He's not asleep, he's wide awake!
(Erin stares in confusion. Cut inside Linkara's room as he paces back and forth in nervous terror, his body twitching and his hands clutching at his head as he tries to make sense of what's going on)
TO BE CONTINUED
(End credits roll)
I know they aren't duct-taped to his glove. It's just hyperbole.
Freddy Krueger: Interior Decorator.