Channel Awesome
Nightmares on Elm Street #1-2

At4w nightmares on elm street 1 2-mtc-studios-1024x453.jpg

October 5th, 2015
If Linkara doesn't wake up screaming... it means he probably got a good night's sleep.

(The room is decked out for Halloween. Suspenseful music plays)

Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. October begins again, my friends. You can feel it in your bones, perhaps even in your very soul: the season of the dead making their presence known. The season of whispers in the dark. The season... of nightmares. I would say it's the season of Moarte, too, but he's apparently franchised himself into the summer.

(Cut to two shots of past horror-themed comics that Linkara used to do at Halloween: the first issue of "Silent Hill: Dying Inside" and the first issue of "The Thing From Another World")

Linkara (v/o): The previous six years have seen us run through two horror franchises that are a bit less paid attention to by the general public: "Silent Hill" and "The Thing", "Silent Hill" being more for video game fans, unless you count the awful movies, and "The Thing" for having the attention more of horror movie fans, unless you count the awful video games.

Linkara: This year, I decided to do what I teased at the end of the "Silent Hill" reviews: "A Nightmare on Elm Street", because if these annual horror reviews show anything, it's that I love to geek out on the horror franchises that I love.

(Cut to footage of A Nightmare on Elm Street)

Linkara (v/o): On the slim chance that you know nothing about A Nightmare on Elm Street, here's your primer: it's a slasher series focused around Freddy Krueger. Krueger was a child murderer – and possibly child molester; we never really got confirmation of that, aside from the remake, but the less said about that, the better – who, due to a clerical error, was not convicted of his crimes. The parents of the town banded together and burned him to death. His spirit returned from the dead to attack the children of those parents in their dreams.

Linkara: Because, apparently, the afterlife is full of assholes who let the potential rapists come back to exact supernatural revenge, but not any of his victims.

Linkara (v/o): We'll set aside 3D dream demons for another day and focus on the good Mr. Kreuger himself, who proceeded to slash through pretty much all the remaining kids and then some, with the original series ending with a crossover where he fought Jason Voorhees of the Friday the 13th franchise.

Linkara: And if I may say so, an awesome note to end on, since I really liked Freddy vs. Jason, CGI marijuana-smoking worms notwithstanding.

Linkara (v/o): Like with Doctor Who, the appeal here is a storytelling engine that allows for pretty much anything to happen. After all, dreams can encompass reality, unreality, pleasant things, unpleasant things. It's just a place for so much imagination to run wild, especially in the kills. Freddy himself presented something different from most slasher killers. The usual sort is the silent, masked psychopath who would go on a rampage, but Freddy was not only showing his own face... well, his burnt face... but laughing and talking and joking around. He was a true sadist and had a dark, twisted sense of humor, which horror fans tend to have anyway, since we like movies about people getting stabbed.

Linkara: And naturally, there have been a lot of Nightmare on Elm Street comics. So many, in fact, that I would rather not spend the next five to ten years showcasing all of them. Maybe next year, I'll do more; maybe I'll move on to another franchise.

(Cut to shots of a comic company called Innovation Publishing, which owned the license to Nightmare for a time)

Linkara (v/o): But for now, we're going to spotlight something from a smaller company that owned the license for a while. Innovation Publishing, like many other companies, got its start in the late '80s with the rise of the direct market and then closed with the speculator boom, also like many other companies. They actually had quite a few titles, just as many licensed properties as original books, with the licensed stuff ranging from horror books and movies like Child's Play and Interview With the Vampire to genre television with Dark Shadows and Quantum Leap. And of course, among those licensed titles, was A Nightmare on Elm Street. The second of these was an adaptation of the sixth film, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare.

(Cut to a shot of the word "3D!!!")

Voice: (echoing) In 3D!

Linkara: Probably one of the few times the gimmick made sense in a comic, considering that film shared the gimmick.

Linkara (v/o): Their final book was a three-issue miniseries called "The Beginning", a sequel and prequel to "Freddy's Dead", the idea being that the main character from that movie traveled to Springwood to research Freddy's life up until he got roasted, toasted and burnt to a crisp. Only two issues of the three were published, however, due to the publisher's bankruptcy.

Linkara: Their first book, however, is what we're looking at for the next few weeks. Let's dig into (holds up two comics, one in each hand) "Nightmares on Elm Street #1" and "#2".

(AT4W title sequence plays, and the title card has music from A Nightmare on Elm Street playing in the background. Cut to a closeup of the first comic's cover)

Linkara (v/o): The first issue gets the idea across in a simple, if goofy, manner. Really, the big advantage of any work involving dreams and unreality is that it's hard to critique continuity or visual errors within them since dreams aren't supposed to make any sense. That being said, sometimes, dreams are just silly. Okay, clock tower striking thirteen, that's fine, although there are still only eleven other notches on that clock, so instead, it looks like someone just put the wrong number there. Then there's this woman being pursued who's half-naked in her lingerie, which apparently also consists of a bedsheet dress. Seriously, what the hell? In her dreams, did she accidentally sew sheets to her underwear? Or was she hoping to be as, quote-unquote, "innovative with comfort wear as the Snuggie"? And then there's the Springwood Slasher himself, watching her from on high. Yeah, it's creepy and all, but the semi-realistic style kind of makes his expression a little... goofy.

(Linkara is seen holding up the comic and imitating Krueger's silly expression)

Linkara: (as Krueger, slurring) Welcome to Primetime!

Linkara (v/o): Also, with the way he's looking at her between his claw fingers, perhaps he's actually just playing a massive game of peek-a-boo.

(The comic opens to the first page)

Linkara (v/o): We open on a hazy London setting, particularly Whitechapel.

Linkara: Oh, I'm sorry, I have clearly grabbed the wrong comic, and this is just a sequel to (makes "air quotes") "From Hell".

Narrator: From the newly-discovered diaries of Jack the Ripper:

Linkara: (as Jack, pretending to write in a diary) "Dear Diary: Apparently, the way to get a bunch of time travelers to annoy you is to murder a bunch of prostitutes."

Text in diary: My realm spreads out before me, pale ghosts walking across the pathetic landscapes of their lives.

Linkara: (as Jack) I've put up several "keep off the grass" signs that have been completely ignored.

Linkara (v/o): Actually, it is some drivel about how he sees the "perverse, twisted fantasies" of the women he killed, and thus delivers those fantasies to them. Those fantasies... of... being slashed, murdered and mutilated.

Linkara: And this is why Jack the Ripper's Guide to Dating is not a bestseller.

Linkara (v/o): It might also be because Jack the Ripper was Freddy Kreuger, as we see here when he turns down a prostitute.

Freddy: You'll get yours, bitch! Ha ha ha

Linkara: Freddy Krueger, poet and philosopher.

Linkara (v/o): Our viewpoint character here, Cybil, sees the silhouette of Jack – or Freddy – approaching and runs off, the black-and-white tint changing into red and green when she spots 1428 Elm Street, Freddy's house. Or, as she recognizes it, as Nancy's house. Nancy, played by Heather Langenkamp, gets the distinction of being the most recurring protagonist of the movies, appearing in three and referenced in another. In her dream, Cybil is approached, and she asks if the man is Jack the Ripper.

Krueger: Sorry, Cybil.

Linkara: Oh, my God! Freddy Krueger is the killer! (shrugs)

Linkara (v/o): You know, even setting aside knowing what comic this is, it kind of ruins your big reveal when you already revealed it was Freddy two pages ago! Anywho, Cybil awakens next to her husband and tells him about how she's having nightmares about the house, in particular that Nancy was her old college roommate. Her boyfriend thinks that the nightmares are a result of all the readings she's been doing on Jack the Ripper, but Cybil thinks that maybe she should look Nancy up. Also, I think she might be infected with the Thing from "Eternal Vows"; her hair is going crazy in this panel. And so, she pulls out a phone book.

Cybil: That's weird, she's not listed!

Linkara: It's almost like she may not live in this area anymore or didn't want the number listed. (sarcastically) That's weird!

Linkara (v/o): Also, no wonder you're dreaming about Jack the Ripper; you own three copies of the same damn book! I dunno, maybe that's just supposed to be the same book falling, but the effect is not executed well and it's not really necessary. It's not like we cut to the book on the ground later or something. She contacts another friend of hers, Priscilla, who also knew Nancy, also to set up more potential kills for Freddy. As such, she manages to get in touch with Dr. Simms at Fairview Mental Hospital, both from the third movie.

Dr. Simms: I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Nancy...passed away three years ago. There were some incidents here at the hospital...

Linkara: (as Dr. Simms) A girl committed suicide by shoving her own face (holds up hand) deep into a TV (raises hand up) a clear foot above her, despite having no way of reaching it and her arms being completely (drops hand down) limp at her side when it happened. You know, in retrospect, I'm kind of an idiot.

Linkara (v/o): However, she's nice enough to direct her to Dr. Neil Gordon, Nancy's love interest from the third movie.

Linkara: A Nightmare on Elm Street: Phone Tag.

Linkara (v/o): Actually, I may have spoken too soon about Simms not realizing what was up. When Cybil mentions in passing how she's been having weird nightmares with Nancy, she gasps and begs God to protect her. But she's also still kind of a dick, since she hangs up on Cybil. We cut over to kill fodder– I mean, Priscilla, who has fallen asleep. Of course, she enters into a nightmare, wherein she's wearing the latest in Leatherface's luxury items, as we can see with that skin dress.

Freddy: (announcing) Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the top clothing designer for the recently-dead, Priscilla Martin!

Linkara: Hey, even those participating in the Skeleton War need to be fashionable on the battlefield.

Freddy: On the main stage, her newest collection, "Priscilla's Dead Wear!"

(A snippet of "Fashion" by David Bowie plays briefly)

Bowie (audio): Fashion, turn to the left / Fashion, turn to the right...

Freddy: Priscilla's Dead Wear can be worn to the hottest disco or the coolest business affair.

Linkara: This season of Project Runway is just weird.

Linkara (v/o): And of course, the host is Freddy, who asks Priscilla where Nancy is, which seems kind of odd, since I recall Freddy stabbing her. But then again, Freddy has been hit on the head a lot since then. When Priscilla says she doesn't know, Freddy proceeds to torment her, first by showing her her mutilated girlfriend and then, in a pretty lame misdirect, appears to wake up, only for her to get her hands destroyed by a Fred-ified sewing machine.

Freddy: Now I've got to warn you--I'm not very good at needlepoint.

Linkara: Not many slasher movie villains are known for their sewing skills, but here's Freddy Kreuger to show off his.

Linkara (v/o): So yeah, after a few more sewing puns, Priscilla is dead... and this is a perfect example of one of the problems with the franchise. See, I mentioned at the beginning about the storytelling engine of these movies. The imagination of the dream allows for new and different ways of people to be killed. I like that part. The problem is the execution. It's just not scary. Like I said a moment ago, there was a lame misdirect about Priscilla waking up. That happens all the time in the films, the difference being that they don't clearly show Freddy's striped Christmas sweater right out of the starting gate. Have her working on the sewing again, thinking it's just a bad dream, then BOOM! Turn the page – sewing machine takes her hand. Much more frightening. But that's a minor thing compared to the fact that deaths can be so completely over the top.

(Cut to footage of Freddy's Dead)

Linkara (v/o): Freddy becomes a superhero and slashes a guy into paper because he likes comics. That's not scary or creepy. Or how about, Freddy takes a stoner and puts him into a video game, one that looks strangely like an episode of Home Movies? Again, it's not frightening, and the puns turn it into a complete farce.

Freddy (Robert Englund): (playing the video game) Now I'm playing with power!

Linkara (v/o): There are ways of taking the same concept and making them legitimately creepy. Less is more. Probably the best example of this is, again, the third movie. A guy is really into making marionettes. Freddy then takes the guy's veins and uses them as marionette strings. Same basic concept as those others: using something related to the character to kill them, but a thousand times creepier. It didn't change the entire environment into puppets and strings.

Linkara: (looking up in thought and stroking chin) Although, come to think of it, that would be pretty frightening, but you get the idea.

Linkara (v/o): So yeah, the sewing machine with maybe one pun would have been fine, but combine that with the friggin' fashion show and lack of tension for someone we've only had one brief scene with, and the horror is diminished. But anyway, let's get back to the plot. Cybil manages to get in touch with Dr. Gordon and tells him about how she was friends and how she's dreaming about Freddy, although of course he doesn't mention it by name. However, the dollhouse replica of Freddy's house suddenly falls off the shelf after Freddy starts letting off fireworks inside of it. I don't know, I don't get it either. Upon hearing the odd noises of the phone, Cybil stands up... and then collapses to unconsciousness because she "stood up too fast".

(Cut to a clip of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang watching The She-Creature)

Tom Servo: She gets up to faint!

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): I don't doubt that dizzy spells can happen like that, but it just seems like kind of a lazy way to get her to fall asleep. Also, Dr. Gordon's going to want to get that dollhouse checked out. It's infected with eyeballs! Anyway, since she's asleep, Cybil finds herself in Freddy's boiler room, where he's dragging his knives across the pipes, because he'll always go for the old classics. She's wearing... whatever the hell this outfit is, and she suddenly hears Nancy screaming at her to run. Good thing she did, too. Freddy was just about to slash her, as well as melt on top of her from the looks of things. She's stopped by a wall of flames, but as a result, gets to see Freddy's creepy little jump-rope girls singing.

Girls: (singing) One, two, Freddy's coming for you...

Linkara: (as one of the girls) He's serving you a subpoena...

Girls: (singing) ...three, four, better lock your door.

Linkara: (as one of the girls) Although, he can walk through walls, so it probably doesn't help.

Girls: (singing) Five, six, grab your crucifix.

Linkara: (as one of the girls) Freddy's a vampire, I guess.

Linkara (v/o): The girl warns her that Freddy's going after her husband, who's in the middle of a very deep dream where he's running a printing press. She runs up to him, but is apparently stopped by... uh, paper?

Linkara: Freddy's most diabolical nightmare yet! Paper cuts are really annoying!

Linkara (v/o): Also, the dude apparently doesn't notice that his boss has a bunch of burns on his face and a knife glove. Freddy sends him up to "check the control valve" and doesn't just stab him because... Freddy always wanted to work in newspapers or something, I don't know. The guy climbs a ladder and Freddy cuts said ladder.

Freddy: You know, it was always James' dream to make front-page news.

(Linkara shakes his head and holds up a sign with the number 3 on it)

Linkara (v/o): And so, he falls down and is... cut by blades? What? Shouldn't you have been crushed by the printing press or something? Also the top story: "'Man Dies' In Freak Printing Accident".

Linkara: In other news, (makes "air quotes") "Unnecessary Quotation Marks".

Linkara (v/o): Freddy goes to kill Cybil, but then she teleports away, suddenly waking up to a ringing phone.

Cybil: H-Hel-Hello? Is anybody there? Answer m-me, damn it.

Linkara: (making a phone shape with his pinkie and thumb, as Freddy) Uh, yeah, this is Freddy. Um, I was gonna go for the whole "I'm your boyfriend now" thing again, but... seems kind of obvious. Sorry.

Linkara (v/o): No, instead, she more logically gets sucked into the phone.

Linkara: Of course! Nightmare on Elm Street was the Matrix the whole time!

Linkara (v/o): But no, Issue 1 ends with Cybil teleporting out of the hand of Nancy, who tells her that Freddy's getting more powerful.

Nancy: He's not content to destroy lives anymore, Cybil. He wants to destroy me as well.

Linkara: (as Nancy) And I'm more important than other people's lives.

Nancy: Me... and... the beautiful dream.

Linkara: (as Nancy) I dreamed of being free of this franchise! It just won't end!

Linkara (v/o): And so we move onto Issue 2, which shows how you can have realistic paintings of the actors while still doing more than just have them stand around. Take note, Star Trek movie comics. Nancy and Freddy's heads with Freddy's outstretched hand glove hand, with some dude emerging from the glowing palm.

Linkara: (holding up comic, incredulously) Wait, so it was Freddy Kreuger's hand that created the DC Universe?! (looks up in thought) Actually, that makes way too much with "The New 52" and all.

Linkara (v/o): Nancy starts explaining to Cybil a bit about what's going on. She is dead... sort of, and she's brought her into the "beautiful dream" to protect her from Freddy. Before she can say any more, they're interrupted by a doorbell. Nancy warns her not to open it. However, she does so, revealing Priscilla, with a red and green undershirt, so you already know where this is going. Yeah, Cybil goes in for a hug, and it's Freddy, who apparently actually has a full-on lizard tongue at this point. And Cybil's hair once more decides to become the Bride of Frankenstein. Nancy tells Kreuger to let her go since she's the one he wants. Aaand he does so.

Freddy: What's the matter? No "welcome home" kiss for Freddy?

Linkara: Ugh! It's gotta be like kissing a fish that's flopping around.

Linkara (v/o): Fortunately, Nancy has the most sacred of weapons to use against Freddy: a garden hose.

Linkara: Freddy Krueger is like that dog that poops in your yard; you just gotta scare him off with some water.

Linkara (v/o): Freddy mocks this, but I guess it's holy water or something, since it disintegrates him. However, he then summons up a tree that grabs Cybil and pulls her up.

Linkara: Eh, that's not too frightening. The Sunkist Fun Fruit trees made us afraid of them waaay before Freddy.

Linkara (v/o): Nancy decides to leave the safety of her house to go help her. Aaand apparently she's got the magic touch since just poking the damn tree gets it to expel Cybil.

Cybil: Oh, noooo!

Linkara: (as Cybil) Oh, no! I'm falling three feet!

Linkara (v/o): Freddy reforms, with admittedly a very cool skeletal face. Awesome.

Krueger: Well, look what dropped out of the tree! Looks ripe, but is it juicy?

Linkara: Freddy... (massages his forehead in frustration) it's a pine cone.

Linkara (v/o): Cybil is finally woken up by Dr. Gordon, explaining that he rushed over after the abrupt end of the phone call. Yeah, she gave him his address. Always a smart move when talking to complete strangers. And yeah, he also broke the door's lock. The two compare notes, about Freddy and what Cybil saw in the dream.

'Dr. Gordon: I lost Nancy to him three years ago, along with a bunch of kids in my care.

Linkara: (as Dr. Gordon) Also, John Saxon died, which was also a bit of a bummer.

Dr. Gordon: I thought the bastard was finished then, but I've seen signs of him since. I guess I just ignored them because I didn't want to believe...

Linkara: (as Dr. Gordon) I mean, he came back to life by a dog in a dream pissing on where he was buried? How the hell does that even work?

Linkara (v/o): Realizing that Freddy is after Nancy, Dr. Gordon decides to try to hypnotize the both of them to go back in and try to help her. They're successful, and it seems Nancy is back inside of her protected house or whatever. Time for more exposition.

Cybil: (narrating) The more I learn, the more it seems as if this has all been planned--plotted in some way...

Linkara: (as Cybil) But only if the box office results from the previous entry were decent.

Linkara (v/o): The exposition fest continues with her talking about her life between the first and third movies and her theory about what actually happened to her. Kristen, the girl from Part 3 who could bring others into her dream, apparently wasn't kidding when she told the dying Nancy she'd "dream her into a beautiful dream". It somehow saved her life and allowed her soul to stay in this realm.

Cybil: It appears that whatever power Krueger wields over the dream world has to be balanced. Dreams must have an ambassador even as nightmares have an agent in Freddy.

Linkara: Okay, now I want to see "Freddy vs. Sandman". Someone call Neil Gaiman!

Dr. Gordon: You're saying that you've become some kind of cosmic good dream fairy and that Freddy's the boogeyman?

Kristen: In a manner of speaking, yes.

Linkara: (as Kristen) Really, I'm more of a cosmic good dream mall security guard.

Linkara (v/o): Dr. Gordon is confused why Freddy is using Cybil to draw her out instead of him. She reveals she's been protecting him, hiding his dreams from Freddy.

Kristen: Surely you've seen me in your dreams?

Linkara: (as Dr. Gordon) Yeah, but I just figured that you in the nurse's outfit was a normal dream for me.

Linkara (v/o): Also, that face! (...which is of great concern by Gordon)

(Linkara is seen with his eyes rolled up and his mouth open, imitating Gordon's expression and moaning)

Linkara (v/o): Cybil, pissed about the death of her friend, wants to go after Freddy.

Kristen: No, Cybil, hatred and anger won't defeat him. He feeds on those emotions.

Cybil: So what are you saying? That we should defeat him with love?

Kristen: In a way, yes.

(Cut to a clip of the Nostalgia Critic's review of The Care Bears Movie)

NC: Taste the rainbow, motherfucker!

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): Actually, it's more that it's not really possible to ever really be rid of Freddy. There's always going to be something in their dreams to scare them and feed on people's darkness, and it's always existed. All they can do is hope to rob him of enough power that it takes a long time for him to return.

Linkara: So, our plan is, (makes an "air quote") "let's make it someone else's problem in the future"?

Dr. Gordon: Sounds an awful lot like hopeless to me.

Kristen: I don't understand all the whys of life and death anymore than you do.

Linkara: Really? Because you seem to be speaking with an awful lot of authority about this.

Kristen: But we can stop Freddy for now, and maybe...

Cybil: Okay... You said you wanted to stop him, so come on. Let's go kick some Krueger butt!

(Cut to a clip of The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra)

Skeleton: That's not my problem; I sleep now.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): So they leave the house and enter into someone's nightmare. Well, it appears to be Fairview Hospital again. And after passing by a dude with bleeding eyes in a straitjacket and... wires? I don't know. ...they proceed down the hallways until they come across Dr. Simms, indicating it's her nightmare.

Dr. Simms: Why, Neil Gordon and Nancy Thompson! How nice to see you again. You know, you told me to listen to the children, and I did.

Linkara: (as Dr. Simms) I'm fascinated by this creature they all speak of named Spongebob.

Linkara (v/o): And we see all the people around her have had their eyes plucked out.

Dr. Simms: I listen to them scream in the quiet rooms, but I helped them to get their uninterrupted REM sleep. They've been sleeping for quite a while...

(Cut to a clip of the MST3K gang watching I Was a Teenage Werewolf)

Mike: (as a character in the movie) I trust you implicitly, doctor. Nothing bad has happened under your care.

(Back to the comic again)

Linkara (v/o): And then of course Freddy is there, too, and he slices off her head and plays with her brains a bit.

Kristen: Come on! Turn your back on him! Close your eyes and empty your minds. I'm going to get us out of here.

Freddy: Where're you going piggies?

Linkara: That's what I'd like to know. Weren't you people going after him?

Linkara (v/o): But yeah, by closing their eyes and running off down a hallway, they teleport or something into a field.

Dr. Gordon: We got away from him.

Kristen: For now.

(Cut yet again to the MST3K gang as they watch 12 To the Moon)

Servo: So Mission: Fraidy-Cat comes to a close.

(Cut back to the comic)

Linkara (v/o): Wherever they are, they spot a little blonde girl who asks Cybil...

Girl: What are you doing here, Mother?

Kristen: Why do you call her Mother?

Girl: Because she's going to be my mother.

Linkara: (as this girl) She's really taking her sweet-ass time with it, too. I'm not getting any younger here, Mom!

Linkara (v/o): Yeah, this is Cybil's unborn child. According to the fifth movie, life begins at conception, because apparently unborn children also possess dreams. And they hang out in a big field, as the girl confirms to Nancy when she comments that she was here a long time ago. Freddy shows up, which pisses off Unborn Baby, so much so that she summons up a whole bunch more that drag Freddy down and rip him apart and then... uh, he explodes? Also, John Woo movie.

Linkara: Kind of undermines your villain when he's defeated by people who haven't even been born yet.

Linkara (v/o): Cybil and Dr. Gordon wake up, Cybil realizing she's suffering from morning sickness... or, you know, all the crap that you just went through. However, she seems to fall back asleep again and is confronted by a door with a large wolf knocker on it.

Linkara: Ah, good! Jacob Marley can help us fight Freddy.

Cybil: We beat you. Get out of my mind, Freddy!

Linkara: And so, our comic ends revealing that it's not Freddy.

Newcomer: Freddy? I'm afraid you're mistaken. Call me Jack!

Linkara: Oh, my God! Jack the Ripper's the killer! (beat) Wait... Erm, anyway, (closes comic and holds up both this comic and the first one in each hand) these comics are... eh.

Linkara (v/o): As I explained, it's not really scary so far. There's potential for scares, especially with the disturbing imagery, which is even more needed for a comic book, but it doesn't use its other necessary element for horror: pacing. It doesn't actually let you have difficulty determining what is or is not a dream. It doesn't build up the kills, just lets Freddy do his one-liners and put ridiculous scenarios on everything. But it's not bad. Compared to other horror comics I've reviewed, at least all the characters are likeable. I certainly didn't want to see Phyllis or her girlfriend killed, and Cybil seems likeable enough, even though her husband was kind of a moron in his sleep. It's also trying to throw a lot at us in these first two issues, particularly world-building about how dreams are supposed to work, which kind of takes away some of the terror of the whole situation. It also doesn't help that there's a safe haven in the dreams from Freddy. Then again, we also have this new Ripper twist, so we'll see where that goes. The artwork is... erm... In some places, it's great for the surreal atmosphere of the dreams; others, the attempts at realism just end up looking unintentionally distorted. I can't help but feel it would have been better if someone else was doing the real-world sequences and then the artist was doing the dream stuff.

Linkara: Still, next time, we'll see where this goes, and maybe it'll pick up.

(Suddenly, he hears the sound of loud knocking at his door)

Linkara: (calling out while adjusting his tie) I'm done with the review now. You can come in.

(More knocking)

Linkara: I said it's okay to come in!

(The knocking doesn't stop. Frustrated, Linkara gets up from his seat and goes over to his door. He opens it, only to find nothing unusual, much to his confusion)

Linkara: Huh. Weird.

(He closes the door. But the knocking starts up again, louder and harsher this time. Again, he opens the door, but this time, he recoils in horror as he spots a HUGE-ASS EYE staring at him! He slams the door shut while maniacal laughter is heard, and he takes out his Sonic Screwdriver and fires a laser at it. The door tries to open, but it won't. He puts the screwdriver away)

Linkara: Nope, I won't be opening that up again anytime soon.

(Nervously, he walks out into the living room and spots some Cybermats on the couch. He looks away briefly to take out his magic gun and aim it at the Cybermats, only to find they have disappeared when he turns to them. Even more nervous, he looks around)

Linkara: Nimue, what the hell is going on? (Nimue does not answer) Nimue?

(There is no answer except for a distorted growling sound that causes Linkara to recoil in pain. He covers his ears and winces. Then Nimue's red light goes out. Quite terrified now, Linkara goes over to his computer and picks up his communicator to speak into it)

Linkara: Mayday! Mayday! (there is no sound except that of static) Anyone hear me? I could really use some help right about now.

(Suddenly, he looks up to spot the words "HELP ME" written very sloppily in blood on the wall. Creepy cackling is heard. Then he hears a voice on his communicator, a voice he never heard before)

Voice: (whispering) Sleepwalk through eternity...

Linkara: (nervously) Thank you, that was quite helpful.

(Linkara walks back down the hall again back to the door with the giant eye behind it. But this time, he has his magic gun at the ready as he opens the door, only to find nothing. He shuts the door again and backs up against the wall behind him in fear. He again holsters his gun and returns to his room, adjusting his vest as he does so)

Linkara: (sitting back down on the futon) You know, maybe... maybe I'll just stay in here for a little while and, um, work on my next review.

(He then looks at the shelf behind him to notice that all the items on them have been switched out with other items from in the past. He becomes nervous again)

Linkara: (softly) Wasn't this... different... behind... me?

(As he looks around, Freddy Krueger's gloved hand suddenly appears and runs across Linkara's shoulder. Then the screen goes black as cackling is heard again)


(End credits roll)

So how DOES Freddy affect the doll house thing made of papier-mache and popsicle sticks, anyway?

No, but seriously: Freddy vs. Sandman.

(Stinger: A pile of horror-themed comics is shown, as Krueger reaches his hand into the frame and moves some of the comics around, revealing a comic with the Channel Awesome logo on it, but the satellite looks like a skull. The logo appears in the center of the screen)