Neverending Story II

NC Neverending story II by MaroBot.jpg

Date Aired:
March 23, 2010
Running Time

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Once upon a time there was a movie called The Neverending Story, and it kicked ASS!

Neverending Story music plays with the opening and scenes from The Neverending Story

NC: (Voiceover) In my opinion it was one of the best family films ever. It had great atmosphere, creative characters, a complex story and some real legitimate drama

NC: So when I heard that there was another movie, I got excited as hell. I loved the first one and I couldn't wait to see another one. It blewed.

Neverending Story II music plays as the title is shown and then several clips

NC: (Voiceover) I mean what a cheap follow-up. For a film series that was so gripping and even challenging for younger viewers, Neverending Story II gave us a really watered-down, half-assed version of it's predecessor. What a disappointment.

NC: So, let's see why the Neverending Story should've (pause) ended.

Several clips showing the actors and characters plays

NC: (Voiceover) First of all I should point out that none of the original cast is in this movie. The characters are the same but none of the same actors played them. I guess you could argue that the actors were too old by that time but if Hermione's breasts...

Cut to picture of Emma Watson in a tight sweater from the Harry Potter series

NC: (Voiceover) ...are still in high school I'll believe any age they throw at me.

Cut to scene of Bastian in The Neverending Story II in a kitchen holding a chicken over his head that is stuck to a skewer whilst reading from a book

NC: (Voiceover) So, our first big replacement is the overly-imaginative Bastian, who's played by Jonathan Brandis.

Cut to scenes from Sidekicks

NC: (Voiceover) Yeah, you remember. The hallucinating nutball from Sidekicks. Does this kid ever play someone mentally stable?

Cut to scenes of Bastian from The Neverending Story

NC: (Voiceover) Now granted, the one downside of the first film was the actor who played Bastian. He was kind of a wimp and really annoying.

Cut back to kitchen scene from The Neverending Story II

NC: (Voiceover) But that all changes here. In this film, he's really a wimp and kind of annoying. So I guess it balances out.

NC: On top of that, it's just not that great a performance. I mean it's better than the original, but I ...

Voice: Ahem.

(The Critic turns to his side to find an animated "Elephant in the Room" staring rather disappovingly at him)

NC: Yes.

Elephant: Don't act like you don't see me.

NC: What? What're you talking about?

Elephant: You've been ignoring me since the beginning. Don't act like you don't know why I'm here.

NC: No, I don't. I mean, is it the Jonathan Brandis kid? I mean, what about him?

Elephant: You know he commited suicide.

(The next two lines are spoken simultaneously)

NC: Oh, you're gonna bring that up. You're seriously going to bring that up. You know that's a little grim for a comedic review. Yeah, ever think of that? Something really mature.

Elephant: Everybody's thinking about it. They're wondering if you're going to address it and you're just tap dancing along it like some sort of idiotic moron.

NC: Ok. Ok. You know what. Fine. I'll address this.

NC (vo): In 2003, Jonathan Brandis committed suicide. Any death is tragic and this one is no exception. And you know what? His acting wasn't half bad. I remember him on SeaQuest and Ladybugs and stuff. Even though the film choices weren't always good, he usually did OK. He was a relatively decent actor.

NC: I just don't think that he did especially well in THIS movie. And it's not his fault. I mean, it's a horribly written character. He's a dumbass, as you'll see in a few moments. So, just to make it clear: I have nothing against Jonathan Brandis as a person. (To the elephant) There, is that good?

Elephant: ... Gee, that was awkward!

NC: You know? Fuck you, you goddamn elephant!

(Burger King joke)

NC: No no no. Not that. Not that. Forget it.

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