Channel Awesome
The NeverEnding Story


Date Aired
March 31, 2009
Running Time
Previous review
Next review

(The Nostaglia Critic has been replaced by The Bum who sits in his chair)

Bum: Hello, I am Chester. A Bum. I remember though I dont know why. And I am here to talk to you about the GREATEST MOVIE I EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE, AND I DONT SAY THAT VERY OFTEN! 
The Neverending Story. Now I wont exactly ruin the movie for you, SO I'LL JUST TELL YOU EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS!
Theres this kid who finds a book, and this book is about a fantasy land, and theres a giant rock monster, and a bunch of other little gremlins.

And the Rock Monster is like: We're in trobule and , I'm being chased!

And the other little monsters are like:By What?

(Rock Monster): Nothing! (Other): Oh,but that's nothing to worry about.

(Rock): It is something to worry about!

(Other): What is?
(Rock): Nothing!
(Other): I Thought  you said it is something.
(Rock): It is something! That something is nothing!
(Other): Nothing?
(Rock): NOTHING!
(Other): So there is nothing to worry about?
(Rock): YES!
(Other): But whos on first? (Rock): THATS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW!!

Bum: So they go to this castle,where they get this hero who is a little boy, and they're like" "Whats your name" , and he's like: "Atreyu," "Gesundheit"., So he rides on his horse Artax all around this fantasty world and he gets stuck in the swamp of sadness. And Atreyu is like: "I'm not very sad Artax are you?" "Yup." "AARRTAAX!!!"! So he gets saved by a dragon who kinda looks like a giant tampon, and hes like whats your name, and hes like Atreyu, Gesundheit, So he has to face the challenge of the laser zapping naked ladies.

So this guy is like only the true of heart can get through,and the others get turned into bacon meat!  So Atreyu is like I will pass through to the other...CRAP! Run,run,,run,run,run,run,run,run,run! TAKE THAT LASER ZAPPING NAKED LADIES!!(pauses) Thats hot. 

So he comes across some non laser zapping naked ladies, and they're like: "Who Are You", "Atreyu" "Gesundheit" So they tell him in order to save the world he has to give the emperess a new name.(pauses again) Okay... Then he comes across this evil wolf thing thats working for the nothing and he's like: "I have to kill somebody" "Who?" "Atreyu" "Gesundheit" "DIE!!!"

So he kills the evil wolf thing and at first its like HOORAY!! and then it's like oh yea the world's ending. But they find the Magic Castle and they go inside to talk to the emperess who like Sinead O' Connor and shes like: "The boy reading the book has to give me a new name!" and the boy reading the book is like WUH?!

So everything starts falling apart  and the little emperess is like " Save us , Save us, Save us!" and the boy is like " I CAN'T, CAN'T, I CAN'T!" and the emperess is like "SAVE US! SAVE US! SAVE US!" and the boy is like " I CAN'T! I CAN'T! I CAN'T!" and the emperess is like "GROW SOME!" "ok." so the boy goes  to yell  the emperess' new name and he's like "(incoherant)" and the emperess is like " What was that?" "It was my mother's name" WHO WAS YOUR MOTHER THE TAZMANIAN DEVIL?! So the boy saves the day as he rides the giant tampon who swoops down and eats small children. "HOORAY!" "HOORAY!!" "HOORAY!!!" So as you can really tell I really liked this movie, there's just one problem;  it says that the written time is 92 minutes(pauses)

THAT'S BULLCRAP THE RUN TIME SHOULD BE NEVERENDING!! THATS JUST FALSE ADVERTISING! But still I liked the NeverEnding Story ,even though it friggin' ended! They should never end it! Because the longer it ended ,the longer I could stay inside a warm building. Can you supply me with a warm, warm building, right now I'm living in a can of tuna!  I DON'T WANT MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE TO BE A CAN OF TUNA!! Now a can of spinach that would be different.

This is Chester A. Bum I remember though I dont rember why..(he gets up and leaves, to come back) -chuckles- how silly of me, CHANGE AWH COME ON(The Credits Appear) HELP A GUY OUT WILLYA?COME ON!(He sees the April Fools note in the credits) April Fools? WHO'S APRIL? CAN SHE HELP ME MOVE INTO A CAN OF SPINACH??!