This is an archive of the 2009 episodes of The Nostalgia Critic. The year saw many cameos of Channel Awesome members, battles with The Nerd and of course more reviews of nostalgic movies and shows.

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Episode Number Name Episode Length Description Date Released
42 Nicktoons (1991-1996) 16:45 The start of Nickelodeon month! To kick things off, the Critic looked at Ren and Stimpy, Rugrats, Doug, Rocko's Modern Life, AAAHHH!!! Real Monsters and Hey Arnold. The show Doug seemed to have caused the NC some psychological trauma. It's also the first time he used "Adventure Ho!" as a running gag. January 6, 2009
43 Nickcoms 18:42 Looking back at the following Nickelodeon sitcoms: You Can't Do That On Television, Clarissa Explains It All, Hey Dude, Salute Your Shorts and The Adventures of Pete and Pete. Continuing the tribute, he outlined the strong and weak points of the show. January 13, 2009
44 SNICK 17:15 A review of Nick's Saturday night programming as Nickelodeon Month marches on. This time he looked at the Nick shows he hadn't reviewed: Roundhouse, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, All That and KaBlam!. Finding that he had no footage to continue and make "Nick Game Shows" he had to settle with the worst thing Nickelodeon Studios had ever produced... Good Burger. January 20, 2009
45 Good Burger (1997) 20:48 As Nickelodeon month ends, The NC looks at the movie based on an All That Skit. He can't believe how bad a movie it is and wonders why Abe Vigoda is in the movie. January 27, 2009
The Making of the Final Battle 08:24 The video was previously in the Premium area. It was the making of the final battle. January 27, 2009
46 Ferngully: The Last Rain Forest (1992) 16:41 The first epic meeting between the NC and the Nostalgia Chick. Both teamed up to review an awful movie after fighting a little. The Chick notes that this film perpetuates the myth that logging is the primary cause for the disappearance of the rainforests and doesn't make any sense. Robin Williams has a role in the movie, and instead of being funny and annoying, he spends this film just being annoying. Oh, and this review is special as it introduces the Big Lipped Alligator Moment. February 3, 2009
47 A Kid In King Arthur's Court(1995) 20:55 The Critic mocks various aspects of the movie and applauds its lesbian overtones. February 10, 2009
48 The Good Son (1993) 16:24 Aired February 12, 2009 as part of the Live Donation Drive; posted February 13, 2009 and originally scheduled for 12/10/08. This time, the Critic lost his voice in anger over the horrible movie. So, cue cards were used to convey his displeasure. February 12, 2009
49 The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog/Sonic SatAM (1993-1994) 18:06 The Critic couldn't comprehend the surreal nature of the weekday show. He called the show illogical and grumbled until the Sonic SatAM show came on. While he praised that show, he showed hatred toward the weekday Sonic. February 18, 2009
50 Top 11 Nostalgic Mindfucks 17:59 Counting down the top 11 mindfucks in television history. Also, the return of big lipped alligator moment and the Burger King gag.

  • 11. Toon Town from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1988)
  • 10. Cool World (1992)
  • 9. Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp (1991)
  • 8. The Paraphenalia Wagon from Halloween is Grinch Night (1977)
  • 7. Raggedy Ann and Andy: A Musical Adventure (1977)
  • 6. The Opening to Beetlejuice (1989-1991)
  • 5. The Hallucination Scene from Beavis & Butthead Do America (1996)
  • 4. The Tunnel Scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
  • 3. This is Halloween from The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
  • 2. The Pink Elephant Scene from Dumbo (1941)
  • 1. The Opening to Peewee's Playhouse (1986-1990)
February 24, 2009
51 Twister (1996) 23:54 No, not the fun game of physical skill played on the floor. This is the film 'Twister', which stars Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton as a separated couple who are clearly going to get back together. Scientific inaccuracies abound, such as the twisters having a tendency to vanish inexplicably, follow the main characters and even roar. Also, the film contains bad guys who are clearly the bad guys as they drive around in a black van and (gasp) dare to have corporate sponsorship. In the end, it's a really dumb film which has far too much relationship talk. March 3rd, 2009
52 Garbage Pail Kids (1987) 25:03 A movie so bad that it warps space and time could only be a few words to describe this film. It is that bad a movie in the eyes of the critic as there's nothing but pure pain involved. March 11th, 2009
53 Rock-A-Doodle (1991) 18:48 The Critic views the movie as the start of Don Bluth's decline. He makes fun of the voice acting and is terribly disappointed in Christopher Plummer's performance. At the end, he feels the movie just makes no sense. March 17th, 2009
54 Titanic - The Legend Goes On (2001) 21:24 What does a retelling of the 1912 tragedy that claimed over 1,500 lives need... cute talking animals! The Critic points out many similarities between this animated film and the James Cameron version, and also notes how some scenes seem underdeveloped and on speed. By the end, the film has clearly butchered the tragic event, going so far to even include a rapping dog, something which would be out of place even if this film wasn't about the Titanic. Luckily, everyone lives happily ever after... well, except the people who died of course. Afterwards, there was a Geek Fight promo with the Critic. March 24th, 2009
55 Pagemaster (1994) 20:00 After swearing he never saw the movie, The Critic proceeds to take a look at the film. In the end, he finds the movie to be dull and that if anything, the movie would not make kids want to read due to vague interactions with classic characters of fiction. Chester A Bum appears and promotes the Geek Fight Cards. March 31st, 2009
56 The Neverending Story (1984) 03:21 Part of the April Fool's Day gag on the site. Chester A. Bum reviews the movie in place of the Critic. He remembers it but he's not sure why. In the end he says the movie should have been longer than ninety minutes as the film was supposed to be "never ending". After all, if the movie was longer, he'd be in a warm, warm building. March 31st, 2009
57 Moonwalker (1988) 20:22 The movie proves to have too many mindfuck moments for the Critic to handle as Jackson sings through a third of the movie. He liked one bit of the movie. However, the bulk of it seems to serve as an attempt for Jackson to advertise himself. He said the film was really a bunch of videos and a vacuum of attention and told Jackson to leave film making to the pros. April 8th, 2009
58 Top 11 Dumbest Superman Moments 16:40 The Critic lists the dumbest moments from all the Superman movies. He does admit to liking the first two movies.

  • 11. The Casting of Superman/Clark Kent and Lois Lane in Superman Returns (2006)
  • 10. The Dumb-Ass Kid at Niagara Falls in Superman II (1982)
  • 9. The Romantic Flying Scene Recap from Superman IV (1987)
  • 8. The Woman and the Baby Carriage from Superman II (1982)
  • 7. The Special Effects of Superman IV (1987)
  • 6. Those Stupid, STUPID Glasses (From all of the movies.)
  • 5. The Birth of Nuclear Man from Superman IV (1987)
  • 4. The Opening of Superman III (1983)
  • 3. The Mind Scrambling Kiss from Superman II (1982)
  • 2. Richard Pryor in Superman III (1983)
  • 1. Spinning the Earth Backwards from Superman (1978)
April 15th, 2009
59 TMNT (2007) 20:03 Succumbing to peer pressure, the Critic reviewed this movie as the characters themselves were nostalgic for him. However, he quickly finds that there is no back-story or explanation as to how the turtles got from their last movie to the situations in the CGI film. He pretty much felt the plot is non nonsensical. By the end, he said that if a franchise is dead, it should stay dead. The movies ended a long time ago so there shouldn't be any connections. He does admit the CGI is good! At the end, AskthatGuy talked about the Geek Fight Cards. April 22nd, 2009
60 Red Sonja (1985) 21:43 After apologizing for making fun of Mako in his last review, the Critic discussed what he thought about the female barbarian movie. He said there were a great deal of plotholes in the movie that made the film hard to follow. The effects were bad and in the end the Critic said Arnold made much worse films and doesn't get why this movie was so special. May 5th, 2009
TGWTG Team Brawl 20:13 Full report here. Part one of a special series commemorating TGWTG's first birthday. The small box here doesn't do it justice. May 10th, 2009. Extended version released May 12th, 2009.
61 Short Circuit (1986) and Short Circuit 2 (1988) 27:21 In the first Short Circuit he found Steve Guttenberg's performance to be lacking and his partner to be a racist, Indian stereotype and the story to make little sense. The Critic is glad Guttenberg is out of the movie and find the robot getting a little annoying as he gets into trouble. In the end, the Critic admits he enjoys them. Johnny Five is likable as well as Ben. It's a guilty pleasure and an enjoyable kind of silly. May 13th, 2009
62 Old VS. New: Batman (1989) VS (2008) 14:25 NC has started a new segment where he compares Old versus new. In this case, it is the two versions of Batman on film from his childhood. Which one is better? Well, for all of 's grandeur, Batman (1989) holds a special place in the NC's heart because of the acting, story, the choice of Batman and says seemed like a character study. He liked both movies and says The 1989 movie is the best. In the end, the Critic had an argument with Christian Bale, which were just sound clips. May 20th, 2009
63 Full House (1987-1995) 18:33 NC started things off saying how painful it was to watch this early TGIF show and hopes that people appreciates what he does. He applauded Bob Saget as a raunchy comedian and hated the character he played on the show. Along with the others. There were many cameos of TGWTG staff, too as they said "And Me." Overall, he said the show was never funny, clever or endearing. At the end, the demonic Olsen twins appeared and tortured the critic. May 27th, 2009
64 North(1994) 23:16 Siskel and Ebert's review of this movie was infamous. Gene Siskel felt unclean as he sat watching it, while Roger Ebert shuddered to even think about it... so naturally NC wanted to find out what was wrong with it. To be honest, it would be quicker to list what was right with it. The Critic found the movie to have way too many clichés, a ton of bad jokes, some of the most offensive racial stereotypes ever put to film (and this was made in 1994!) and, for some reason, Bruce Willis keeps turning up as different characters to deliver some psuedo-philisophical bulls**t. He even claims that one scene had what could officially be called "The worst joke ever". Basically North looks like it was Rob Reiner's excuse for going on vacation and getting paid for it. The movie was found to have too many random jokes and The Critic was shocked when the movie ended with the ultimate cop-out... it was all a dream. By the end, the Critic said the fact that the movie was even made in a PC world was scary. It's perfectly clear to anyone who's seen the movie (or this review) why Siskel and Ebert hated it. June 3rd, 2009
65 Critic and Nerd: TMNT Making of Coming Out of Their Shells 18:14 The Nerd and The Critic both review the time where the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles went on stage to perform for kids. Since they were both fans of the Turtles, they felt both needed to review the "making of" show. The turtles themselves remained in character and that was the first of their many problems with the documentary. For one, their lips never moved or shut and that the masters of ninjutsu suddenly need help moving around. In the end, the childhood of many Ninja Turtles fans cried out in terror. Both critics agreed that this was just plain horrible. Nothing else needs to be said. June 10th, 2009
66 Sidekicks (1992) 24:35 The Critic began the review summarizing how Chuck Norris is like God. Or rather better than God. His main problem with the movie is that it appeared to be a self indulgent platform for Norris to promote himself. Much like Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. The main character, the Critic said, seemed to be delusional and quite insane. Mako makes an appearance in the movie and of course, the Critic tries to avoid joking about him. In the end, The Critic says the movie shows that Chuck Norris can do pretty much anything. However, the movie still is a platform to promote Chuck. Then again, it was directed by his brother. June 17th, 2009
67 Gargoyles (1994-1997) 15:38 The Critic starts off by saying that the animated series was one of the best Disney action shows of all time. The show, Doug thought, may have been an attempt by Disney to compete with Batman: The Animated Series. The show was found to have interesting plot twists that seemed to add up and was not contrived. It was a welcome detour from what the Disney shows were at the time. June 24th, 2009
68 Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) 04:35 In a call back to his first ever review of the Nostalgia Critic where he reviewed the first Transformers movie by Michael Bay, Doug reviews the film in the same style. At the end, the Bum comes out saying "Dude. Did he just steal my act?" In the end, Doug found it satisfying. June 27th, 2009
69 Steel (1997) 20:35 The Critic starts off by explaining how this movie was the death of comic movies in the mid 1990s and that it took almost a decade for them to get rolling again. Right away he comments on Shaq's horrible acting ability and blandness of the storyline. He was floored by Richard Roundtree's appearance in the movie and the Steel suit itself. In the end, he saw why the movie killed comic movies for a while because it gave someone who shouldn't have a movie career a movie career. At least Shaq didn't play Wonder Woman, to which he then horrifies the viewers by showing Wonder woman with Shaq's head. July 1st, 2009
70 Top 11 Cereal Mascots 20:56

The critic goes over the top 11 cereal mascots as they played a big role in the cereal's staying power over the decades. These characters made kids want the cereal more!

  • 11. Toucan Sam from Fruit Loops (1945)
  • 10. Cookie Crook and Officer Crumb from Cookie Crisp (1977)
  • 9. The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee (1979)
  • 8. Wendell from Cinnamon Toast Crunch (1987)
  • 7. Lucky from Lucky Charms (1962)
  • 6. Cap'N Crunch from Cap'N Crunch (1963)
  • 5. Count Chocula from Count Chocula (1971)
  • 4. Sonny from Cocoa Puffs (1958)
  • 3. Sugar Bear from Golden Crisp (1963)
  • 2. The Trix Rabbit from Trix (1954)
  • 1. Tony the Tiger from Frosted Flakes (1952)
July 7th, 2009
71 Barb Wire (1996) 21:37 Right away, the Critic compares the movie to Stan Lee's animated show, Stripperella and said there was honestly no comparison even though both were basically about a stripper who was a superhero. He believes Pamela Anderson went to the Shaq school of acting. By the middle of the review, the Critic is amazed at how similar the plot is to the classic movie, "Casablanca". It's similar but, they can only hide so much. The movie is "Centerfold: The Movie" to NC and by the end, the critic says the movie was just stupid, corny, full of bad acting and rips off Casablanca. July 14th, 2009
72 Old VS New: LOTR Animated (1978) vs Lord of the Rings (2001-2003) 20:10 In this episode, the Critic compares the live action movies from the early 2000s with the animated film from the 1970s. After comparing each movie based on main characters such as Frodo Baggins, the supporting cast, villains and other aspects, NC made his decision as to which was the better series. In the end, the live action film wins because of the plot improving greatly over the trilogy. Feeling bad about not comparing the Return of the King films by Jackson and the one by Rankin/Bass, he takes a quick look and decides that the Jackson films still wins. July 22nd, 2009
73 Last Action Hero 22:45 The critic at first describes the movie as an "action packed borefest" and an example of how people keep appearing in the nostalgic movies like Shaq and Abe Vigoda. He outlined Arnold's stiff acting and the awkward moments when there are scenes involving the kid watching the movie itself. The Critic points out the random cameos and says they need to have a point. In the movie, they obviously don't have a point. In the end, the Critic says the movie is dull, boring and even though some ideas have promise it turned out to be a boring movie experience. July 28th, 2009
74 Captain N: The Game Master (1989-1991) 17:42 The episode starts off with the Critic explaining how he loves Nintendo and yet hates how low they went to create sub-par entertainment like the Bros movie and the Super Show. He really didn't like what they did to Simon Belmont from the Castlevania games. Aside from characters looking nothing like how they are portrayed in video games, the Critic states that the show is never consistent, the animation is poor and the plots are contrived. In the end, he says the show was just awful and that he can't wait for the cast to appear on Video Game Confessions. However, Dominic says it's a bad idea. August 4th, 2009
75 We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story (1993) 20:27 NC starts off the review in an "official" style while showing clips of the movie and himself dressed as Hunter S. Thompson from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," aptly named Raoul Puke. Continuing the parody, he said the movie reminded him of Calvin and Hobbes comic strips. It was just that bizarre. There's a lot of unexpected twists in the movie, strange character development and voice actors that only add to the movie's overall strangeness. Instead of it being a "Big Lipped Alligator Moment", the Critic called the movie a "Big Lipped Alligator Movie". August 11th, 2009
76 Warriors of Virtue (1997) 22:46 The critic starts off by saying the movie was incredibly boring and a pain to sit through. The beginning of the movie seemed to have a hard time picking a scenario before the main character is transported to a world where kangaroo-like creatures perform martial arts. The critic also corrects everyone when they say "Tao". In actuality, the word is "Dao". The main villain appears to be insane, too. The climax takes place in "blurry-vision". In the end, The Critic says that the movie is pretty underwhelming. It's ust too boring in every sense of the word. The only thing he liked was the villain and that was because he was so over the top bad. August 18th, 2009
77 Captain America (1990) 18:46 Right off the bat, the Critic explained how he doesn't know that much about the Marvel superhero when he says that comic books are the great modern myth akin to the Greek/Roman myths. He does watch the movie and declares that the Captain is weak compared to other superheroes out there. Also, the villain, Red Skull, was too over the top for him. So, he declares Captain America the lamest hero ever and the story just plain bad. The production value seemed to be out of the 1970s. He does admit that Cap is a tough superhero to pull off. He asks who could look intimidating in that costume. The answer? Chuck Norris! August 25th, 2009
78 Top 11 F*ck Ups 17:23 The Critic begins the review explaining that he is a God among men. He is then interrupted by a "fan" named Douchey McNitpick, his most obnoxious fan who claims that the Critic has made many mistakes. So, they go over the top 11.

September 1st, 2009
79 Alone In The Dark (2005) 24:09 Initially the top secret review, this is a review of the Uwe Boll vehicle. The movie made the Critic so speechless that he had to use Microsoft Sam to speak for him. So, to help him in his review, Linkara and Spoony came to his aid whether he wanted it or not. Right away, the guys feel the movie is just bad. Bad direction by Boll and bad action on the part of Christian Slater. The movie was just plain horrible all around. The story made no sense. The plotholes were huge and there was nothing related to the game it was based on. September 8th, 2009
80 Blank Check (1994) 19:59 The Critic started the review off by stating just how bland the movie was with its bland characters, bully, storyline and everything else during the beginning of the movie. In fact, the blandness continues as the movie is enrolled in Bland Sh*t 101. The story becomes far too simple for the critic to handle and he wonders if it could be more complicated. He makes the first Michael Jackson joke since his death and says we need to laugh again. Don't be afraid, he says. Of course, he finds the kid dating the teller/FBI agent implausible. Not to mention the bits in Home Alone that it ripped off and that the family seems to be focused on money to an implausible degree. In the end, the Critic says the movie is just plain bland. September 15th, 2009
Halloween III (1982) 03:55 Like the Bum Review, this was an audio podcast review Doug recorded some time ago. He called this movie bad as it doesn't connect with the other movies in the series. September 17th, 2009
Doug's Top 20 Favorite Movies Part 1: 11:17 Part 2: 13:05
  • 20. Titus (1999)
  • 19. Hamlet (1996)
  • 18. Patton (1970)
  • 17. Ed Wood (1994)
  • 16. Fantasia (1940)
  • 15. Secret of Nimh (1982)
  • 14. Sideways (2004)
  • 13. Spirited Away (2001)
  • 12. Stanley Kubrick’s Clockwork Orange (1971)
  • 11. Fearless (1993)

Part 2:

  • 10. Citizen Kane (1941)
  • 9. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)
  • 8. The Dark Knight (2008)
  • 7. Good night and good luck (2005)
  • 6. Lost in Translation (2003)
  • 5. Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
  • 4. Batman (1989)
  • 3. To Kill A Mockingbird (1962)
  • 2. Amadeus (1984)
  • 1. Brazil (1985)
September 17th, 2009
81 Old vs New - Willy Wonka (1971) vs Willy Wonka (2005) 17:14 In another edition of Old vs New, The NC discusses the good and bad points of the first film and the later one by Tim Burton. Right away, he expressed his distaste for the Burton one except for the visual style. The story for the 2005 version revolved too much on Wonka himself rather than Charlie. It just didn't hold a candle to it. He compared both in terms of main character, story and supporting cast. The 1971 version won out because it was more memorable in his eyes as it seemed Tim Burton didn't shine in the 2005 version. By the video's end, he reenacts Daffy Duck's bit in Duck Amuck and a shadowy person is revealed to be the cause of the torture he had to endure in the video. Who is it? Douchey McNitpick! September 22nd, 2009
82 Cool as Ice (1991) 21:55 NC started laughing to start off the review. There was just no other way to start things off. The movie was a bid to cash in on Vanilla Ice's popularity at the time as he tries to hook up with a horse-riding suburbanite. The Critic just lambastes the movie as the plot or lack thereof goes on. Of course the boyfriend turned into a douche as Ice saves the day. NC wished the film would pick a scene and deal with it instead of jumping around. He also called the movie one long commercial without a product. The movie became so white that it blinded the Critic. In the end, he says he doesn't need a reason to say why the movie's bad. The plot was just to make Ice look good and it fails miserably. The movie proves to be so white that it turned the Critic invisible. September 29th, 2009
83 Suburban Commando (1991) 18:37 NC starts by asking if wrestlers should be in movies, showing references when the idea worked. Then he reveals Suburban Commando. He mocks the opening by claiming it rips of Star Wars. The movie is obviously a bit to take part of the Hulkamania phenomenon, having Hulk hogan play a inter-galactic super hero whose spaceship gets damaged and must settle in earth until its fixed. He rooms with Christopher Lloyd's character, who doesn't trust him, and in spying on him, discovers he is from another planet. He accidentally sets notice to bounty hunters. The Critic mocks there attempts at running gags, in so, taking a shot at his own. He says he really likes Lloyd's line "I was frozen today, and challenges the viewers to use it for themselves. He claims the movie stole props from Dan Aykroyd. He also gets mad at a video game for claiming it was something else when it was obviously Afterburner. He end the review by saying it was not bad, but still not good. And after walking off screen, he comes back quick and proclaims "AFTERBURNER!" October 6th, 2009
84 The Next Karate Kid (1994) 20:58 NC starts by giving us a rundown of all three previous Karate Kid movies and a rundown of Hilary Swank's career and how she dies in almost every movie she was in. The movie is so bad that it was on the back of the Karate Kid III DVD. He commented on the forced exposition at the start of the movie as the film goes on and we're introduced to more and more characters that appear bland. When the car waxing bit came up, he expected the scene to be like the first movie. However, that was not to be. Instead, Swank went to feed her hawk. After going to a monastery to train, NC used several Star Wars clips in comparison with the training she received. Julie goes back to school and there's a bizarre bungee jumping stunt that has no explanation as the "school security" begins to appear to be even more unstable as the film progresses. After fighting the bad guys, Miyagi says that fighting is never good. The Critic says that he has to give the movie some credit as there's no epilogue. In the end, the Critic says that thankfully no new movies were made as the movies got worse and worse. However, it did try. In fact, he ended it with Yoda saying the same thing. October 13th, 2009
85 Casper (1995) 24:30 NC starts off the special Halloween episode of the show when he was interrupted by a foul mouth version of Casper, the friendly ghost. He started off by mentioning that it's bad because it has a dozen or so pointless cameos such as Dan Akyrod reprising his role as Raymond Stanz from the Ghostbusters movies and Ben Stein. Casper argues that the pure essence of comedy is timing. Throughout the review Casper insults NC more and more. The ghostly uncles annoy the Critic with nothing more than jokes that are puns. Casper's "Can I keep you?" line creeps out NC as a ghost and later when he becomes human again. He explains how he thought Casper was the ghost of Charlie Brown. In the end, the Critic called the movie soulless as there wasn't much to it. This causes Casper to be upset and NC ends up chasing Casper in a Ghostbusters costume. Even going to GMXCon where Doug was on October 2-4th 2009. October 20th, 2009
86 Superman IV (With Linkara) (1987) 22:16

Linkara starts us off while pretending to be the Critic. He goes on and on about the movie until the real Nostalgia Critic emerges on screen and when Linkara tries to flee, the Critic insists that they finish what he started. The lesson of course is that wars are caused by nuclear weapons and not differing ideologies. The first problems they discuss is the physics issues when Superman's cape flaps around in space and talking, too. There's so many plotholes in the first bit that if they picked out all of them that they'd be there all day. There seems to be a lot of plot threads in the movie as Superman ponders what to do about the nuclear weapons of the world. Lois and Clark meet up and a ripoff of the flying scene in the first Superman movie occurs. When Superman says he'll get rid of the weapons, Linkara and the Critic play a game of 'international Politics' and point out the flawed logic behind doing that. Luthor escapes from prison and takes Superman's hair and uses the genetic material to create Nuclear Man, cloths and all. NC also does take kindly to Linkara attempting to bring logic into the movie. Nuclear Man is solar powered but he works without sunlight anyway. In the end, both say that the movie has so many plotholes that it's like swiss cheese and morals are b.s. and physics are bad. Critic insults Linkara's special effects and he counters with "bat credit card" sending NC on a rampage.

October 27th, 2009
87 Congo (1995) 19:29

NC starts off the review grunting like a gorilla to illustrate just how primal the movie Congo made him. Eventually, he goes back to normal and starts taking a look at the characters. He noted Bruce Campbell, Ernie Hudson and Tim Curry are also in the movie. When Bruce Campbell's character dies, NC and Casper redo the "Exposition" gag. When the gorilla named Amy is introduced, NC makes note that it's obviously a person in a gorilla suit. In fact, the gorilla seems to be obsessed with tickling. This leads to the "Tickle Me Amy" doll. When Ernie Hudson appears, NC calls him the coolest guy in the movie even though Bruce Campbell's corpse has some coolness. The last cool thing in the movie was the laser near the end. Those three things, NC says were the only great things in the movie. The special effects were bad. The storyline is laughable. Though, it did give birth to "Tickle Me Amy".

November 3rd, 2009
88 A Tribute to Siskel and Ebert 14:35

In this special tribute to Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, NC takes a look at their career, their reviews and everything that made them the greatest reviewing duo on television. He also covered the tragedy involving both men and how the show went on without them. Though, that show never quite had the magic of Siskel and Ebert since there wasn't as good a banter between reviewers. Still, the pair are legends in the eyes of the Critic.

November 10th, 2009
89 Judge Dredd (1995) 20:13

NC started off the review saying it was hard to believe that Sylvester Stallone stayed under the radar compared to Arnold. Of course, we come to review this adaptation of a British comic book and right away NC states how the movie was full of over the top action scenes. The movie, he says, also had goofy lines and he often pointed out how none of the characters can say the word "law" correctly. Among other things, the Critic says that the movie is bad as people say. But, that's part of the fun. It takes a lot of action cliches and makes it entertaining to sit through. The movie's goofy and should be treated as a guilty pleasure. Then leaves to create Judge Dredd the musical.

November 17th, 2009
90 Tank Girl (1995) 19:03

Based off of the comic and starring Lori Petty and Malcolm McDowell, the Critic starts off by saying that the movie was just plain awful and how the money used to make the movie could have been used for something more useful. Like feeding the children of the world. The Critic wonders why such a good actor in McDowell and rappers like Ice T is in such an awful movie. He calls the movie lame because of its use of comic panels for shots among other things. The movie, according to NC, is long, annoying and a pain to sit through. At the end of the review, he goes off to feed the children from earlier after feeling some guilt.

November 24th, 2009
91 Jack Frost (1998) 18:04

It's Christmas! Hell yeah! So what better time to have a month of Christmas-related reviews and to kick things off, NC reviews the Michael Keaton movie "Jack Frost". Right off the bat, the Critic expresses his distaste for the movie as he wonders how Keaton could stoop so low as to star in this bad movie. The Critic immediately doesn't like the snowman special effect, calling it creepy on so many levels. When the Keaton character died, he called the transition horrible as the audience is expected to assume the worst. When Keaton returns as a snowman, the Critic laments at how douchey he is and how he's trying to make up for being a bad dad. At the end of the review, NC calls the movie's premise stupid. However, he does say it's a nice looking film with good cinematography. It's not half bad aside from the plot and acting.

December 1st, 2009
92 He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special (1985) 17:23

It's the second week of Christmas month and NC decided to torture himself with the He-Man/She-Ra Christmas special because let's face it, when you think you Christmas you naturally think of He-Man and She-Ra. NC points out the absurdness of He-Man and She-Ra getting a Christmas special "I wouldn't be surprised if there was a Star Wars Christmas special." Yoda then warns him that there is one. NC shrugs it off and begins reviewing He-Man while keeping count of the gay jokes he COULD have made. He does note how He-Man/Adam's disguise is really, really lame. Orko makes his way to Earth and NC has a Masters of the Universe movie flashback while wondering how they can breathe in space. The kids tell Orko (who are naturally unfazed upon seeing a floating alien with no face that can perform magic). about Christmas and cut out the important bits and NC notes that. The plot concerns Horde Prime deciding to kidnap the kids to wipe out Christmas (as you do) and the kids getting constantly kidnapped by Hordak, then some lame Transformers rip-offs, then Skeletor who ends up feeling the spirit of Christmas. At the end, NC says this special is silly, makes no sense but think about it, it's a He-Man and She-Ra Christmas special... what do you expect? It's stupid but harmless, and it could easily be worse. He'd be terrified if there really was a Star Wars Christmas special. Yoda replies "You will be." as NC slinks off screen.

Also, Skeletor's voicedubbed by Rob Walker, one line he says is:

"What was that? How-- how can I hear you? AAA!"

December 8th, 2009
93 Next Best Christmas Specials 19:43

NC counts down the next best Christmas specials he didn't put on last year's top 11. All the while, he's haunted by more of Yoda's laughing and warnings of the pending Star Wars Christmas special. Which, he doesn't believe it exists until the end.

  • 11. Elf (2003)
  • 10. A Garfield Christmas (1987)
  • 9. The Polar Express 3D (2004)
  • 8. Blackadder's Christmas Carol (1988)
  • 7. Gremlins (1984)
  • 6. The Nativity Story (2006)
  • 5. A Pinky and the Brain Christmas (1996)
  • 4. All in the Family (1971-1979)
  • 3. Joyeux Noël (2005)
  • 2. The Snowman (1978)
  • 1. Die Hard (1988)
December 15th, 2009
94 Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) 25:30

So here it is... the Star Wars Holiday Special, which causes NC to start off the review scared out of his mind as he runs frantically out of the house. Realizing he has to suck it up and review it, NC says that this special was the thing George Lucas was ashamed of which is quite astonishing considering he was ok with Jar Jar Binks and Howard the Duck. So, he goes on to say that the film wasn't really about Christmas but more about a Wookie holiday named "Life Day" and the plot (kinda) concerns Chewbacca's attempt to get back home for it. One of the first scenes involves a lengthy Wookie conversation between Chewie's family. Without Subtitles. He stated that it was hard to understand the characters and the strange things going on and while the "Big Lipped Alligator Moment" was about to go off, he said that it'd be broken by the end. Anyway, the special is really, really bad. Every few minutes there's a distraction from the main plot, the cast of Star Wars barely appear (Carrie Fisher had starting taking drugs during the filming of the special and boy, does it show!) and there's a scene of Harvey Korman (who appears as a few characters during the special) giving a lengthy demonstration of how to build a fictional transmitter which is mostly played straight. The only good thing about the special was Bea Arthur as a bartender in the Cantina on Tattooine... which for some reason draws the wrath of the Empire (why bother with a rebellion when there's a Cantina to crush). The Critic describes it as the worst Christmas special ever as Santa Christ appears and wipes knowledge of the bad special from NC's mind.

December 22nd, 2009
95 Ernest Saves Christmas (1988) 21:31

To end another holiday theme month, the Critic begins with explaining how weird the movie is as well as going into the history of the late Jim Varney's Ernest character. How the plot was weird and how the only really good thing was the guy who played Santa Claus. He did wonder how Ernest changed clothes so fast and what the point of the "'80s Chick" was. At the end, NC explained how the movie's really just a guilty pleasure for him. The depiction of Santa Claus in the movie was the best he had ever seen even though the movie itself doesn't make much sense.

December 29th, 2009

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