My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic 2015 Holiday Special
Original Air Date
December 5, 2016
Merry Fireplace Floor Heating!
(Linkara is seated on his Futon)
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. IT'S CHRISTMASTIME!
(He snaps his fingers, and the whole room is magically adorned with Christmas decorations; even his clothes have a Christmas flavor: he wears a red-and-green shirt and a Santa hat over his regular one)
Linkara: And this year, we're starting the festivities off with the thing that I know everybody loves to talk about: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, without even a Patreon sponsor this time, forcing me to do it.
(Shots of MLP: FiM comic covers are shown)
Linkara (v/o): So, what has brought on this desire to look at yet another My Little Pony comic? Did the joy and laughter of Pinkie Pie warm the snowy, desolate Minnesota I live in? Did the greatness and humble lessons of tiny horses finally make my heart grow three sizes? Was I visited by three spirits who taught me to write a letter to Princess Celestia, telling her what I learned today about friendship?
Linkara: (laughs) No, no, my friends. The answer is, I remembered what the true meaning of Christmas is: GREED! (smiles evilly)
Linkara (v/o): The last episode I made on this series had a crap-ton of views and an equal crap-ton of money, but the thing is that December is basically sweeps for video producers like me, with the most amount of money per ad, so I'm gonna load this video down with five minerals, and you can sit through every single one of them just so you can see me talk about the damn Skittle-colored horses!
Linkara: In all seriousness, there is a reason why I'm doing it. Lord knows we need something positive and fun this month, so I went back to the well for this year's holiday episodes.
(Cut to a montage of covers of Christmas-themed comics that Linkara did in the past)
Linkara (v/o): I personally think my best previous holiday segment was the year I did a Punisher comic lacking holiday cheer as he kills people; a Solson comic playing with Japanese stereotypes as they make a samurai Santa that, while seemingly well-intentioned, is still kind of an asshole; a friggin' "Star Trek: The Next Generation" comic where they fought a race of Grinches trying to kidnap an ethereal Santa Claus spirit; and a Doctor Who comic where the Doctor has a literal magic box that shrinks things, and he and his grandchildren met Santa on an alien planet, waging war with a demon elf.
Linkara: You know, just the old standards of Christmas stories.
(A shot of the Doctor Who comic is shown)
Linkara (v/o): Basically, it was a bizarre Christmas; franchises looking at the holiday in a bit of an offbeat manner, and I felt that would be something fun for everybody.
(Cut to another Christmas-based comic Linkara will be looking at later)
Linkara (v/o): This year, we'll be taking a look at some popular franchises and their Christmas stuff. Now, some people have been asking why we're not doing the Equestria Girls holiday special instead of this one.
Linkara: (holding up that comic) I looked at it, read through it a bit, and honestly, I didn't think there was much stuff I can make fun of. It's about social media making people hate each other. I might look at it another year, but for now, it was just... meh.
(Cut to a shot of the cover for "MLP: FiM: Annual 2014")
Linkara (v/o): So instead, that leaves us with the holiday comic from last year that they produced. What sort of a Christmas tale is there when this world insists on replacing every single proper location with horse puns?
Linkara: Well, let's dig into the (holds up comic of review) "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic 2015 Holiday Special" and–
Viga: (calling from offscreen) Ponies! (a bunch of plush toys of the ponies are tossed at Linkara, startling/confusing him) Also, pay the damn rent!
(A Christmas version of the "AT4W" title plays; cut to the title cover for this episode, as the "MLP: FiM" theme plays; then, cut to a shot of the cover for the comic – one of two versions, actually, as will be explained)
Linkara (v/o): The cover is fine, showing Twilight Sparkle in a Santa outfit while carrying Spike around... who has a dog collar for some reason. I'm curious how exactly one has a Santa outfit when there is no Santa in this universe, but whatever. She's also using her magic to carry around a giant sack labeled "Fried Pie Variant".
Linkara: In the world of ponies, Christmas is celebrated by the Chosen One dropping dried pastries on people's heads. It's a strange tradition, yet it still feels like the holidays.
Linkara (v/o): Actually, it's just an indicator that this is a variant cover. The official cover for this is an homage to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which I've never seen, and yet, somehow I suspect I'll get more people hating me for not watching that than I will not watching My Little Pony. But I don't know what to expect anymore out of this job. We open with Twilight and Spike at a train station where a blizzard has canceled all the trains.
Spike: And it's too snowy to fly back to Ponyville. We're stuck here.
Twilight: Let's be optimistic, Spike! Maybe the storm will stop and we can get back for Pinkie Pie's Hearth Warming Eve party tonight!
Linkara: Yeah, she says that, but these parties always end the same way: with one of them drunk and hitting on the others.
Linkara (v/o): Hearth Warming Eve is the Pony equivalent holiday to Christmas, although there's not exactly a pony Jesus here. It instead is about how the three Pony races, of regular horses, unicorns and Pegasi, all united together to form Equestria and battle their common enemy, ghostly creatures called Windigos.
Linkara: So it's less "Pony Christmas" and more "Pony Until Dawn".
Linkara (v/o): I notice also a snowman outside. Even with the horn and ears, it ends up looking like some sort of weird goblin creature instead of a pony. Also also, yetis are a thing in this world, I guess. Either that or there's a subset of the population that's made of living ice cream bars.
Spike: You'd think the weather Pegasus would have stepped in to prevent this mess!
Twilight: They're on holiday, too, Spike. Give them a break!
Linkara: Why the hell should he? They have one job!
Linkara (v/o): Spike says they should just give up and head home.
Spike: I say we go back to your parents'. Executive dragon decision!
Linkara: (as Twilight, laughing) Oh, Spike, it's cute how you think you're not my slave.
Linkara (v/o): Unfortunately, the snow has gotten so bad that it's several feet high outside the door, and it falls all over Spike. Man, if only Twilight had magical powers that allowed her to move objects like snow. You know, like she's doing with that brush right there. Ah, well, I'm sure there are limitations to that power that would prevent her from shoveling snow out of the way. You know, like this unicorn in the background is doing as he pushes the snow back outside. Anyway, Twilight is upset that she's gonna miss Pinkie Pie's party.
Twilight: I can't miss the gift exchange! I have Rarity! You know how she gets.
Linkara: (as Twilight) The last person who didn't get her something got sewed into a suit!
Spike: Aw, you got Rarity? I got Big Mac. Do you know how hard he is to shop for?
Linkara: Look, just tell him what I'm gonna say to my relatives: I ordered some Cuba Cola, but it's on back order right now. Give it a month, and they'll forget all about it.
Linkara (v/o): Spike worries that now that they're stuck here, they're gonna be bored as all hell, which probably says more about Twilight Sparkle's conversational skills than it should. But fortunately, Twilight has a solution: a book she brought with her.
Linkara: (as Twilight) Spike, let me tell you the story of Christian Gray Mane and Anastasia Steel Handcuffs.
Linkara (v/o): However, digging through her bag, she can't find it. A cutaway reveals that it's back at her parents' place. The name of the book? "Lord of the Reins".
Linkara: Three reins for the Care Bears above the cloudy sky; seven for the Smurf Lords in their forest home; nine for franchises doomed to die; one for Teen Titans, who are on the go.
Linkara (v/o): Twilight is in anguish over this, even tattooing this to the back of her throat, but Spike points out that there are some books over by the coffee shop she could buy and read. And she proceeds to tackle the stand!
Linkara: You know, few people discuss the negative effects of book addiction on horses, and yet, here we are with a comic brave enough to address it.
Linkara (v/o): Unfortunately, Twilight is disappointed because all the books in the stand she just destroyed are kids' books. But of course, she will face no consequences for this because, well, she's royalty and all. She can buy and sell this guy's ass. Spike asks Twilight to read her [sic] one of the books that he's unfamiliar with.
Twilight: You are perfectly capable of reading your own bo–
Spike: I'm tired, I'm cranky, I'm hungry and I want you to pamper me.
Linkara: (confused) Or what?
Linkara (v/o): But whatever, I guess she's feeling nice, so she begins reading "The Flying Reindeer", which stars Rainbow Dash, because we have that character model, damn it, and we're gonna use it. Also, her name, because we don't want to confuse the four-year-olds.
Twilight: Rainbow was a very special reindeer. While all of the other reindeer had talents like prancing and singing...
Linkara: ...her talent was proctology!
Twilight: ...Rainbow was different. Her talent was flying. While all the other reindeer remained with their hooves on the ground, Rainbow could dive through the air and the clouds!
Linkara: (as Twilight) She demanded tribute, or else she would start carpet-bombing the other children!
Linkara (v/o): So, flying reindeer among those who don't. Pretty damn cool, right?
Silver Spoon: Lame.
Diamond Tiara: Flying reindeer are so weird. Ugh. Rainbow, why do you have to be so weird?
Linkara: (irritably) Assholes, she can FLY! At least with Rudolph, nobody saw the glowing red nose as an asset! Just how the hell is the ability to frickin' fly, LAME?!? BE IMPRESSED, DAMMIT!
Linkara (v/o): Yeah, I think with this, it's pretty clear that this isn't a parody of "Rudolph", but "Psychoman". But yeah, they of course don't want Rainbow to play any of their reindeer games.
Silver Spoon: What do you mean "reindeer games"?
Linkara: (as Diamond Tiara) You know, that Ben Affleck movie. Ugh. Do I have to explain everything?
Linkara (v/o): No, she was referring to games like "Mare-olopy", and another reindeer handily shows off such games as "Apology!", "Connect Forelock", "Gelding Wars", "Dandyland", and, of course, "Cattleship".
Linkara: (puzzled) So... does that game involve shooting and sinking cows?
Linkara (v/o): They go inside to play, leaving Rainbow to be hit by a falling Princess Luna. Spike is confused.
Spike: Princess Luna is in this book?
Twilight: I guess so? Oh! Looks like she wrote it.
Linkara: (as Twilight, pretending to read something) "Dedicated to all the foolish mortals who will pay when I swallow the world in eternal night."
Linkara (v/o): Luna was flying around with a cart full of food and accidentally hit a goose. She flings a fruitcake at the goose, but Rainbow quickly flies and catches it. Rainbow is pissed that she just attacked an animal that didn't know any better, especially since "it isn't nice". Luna, however, embodies the royal attitude you'd expect: namely, screw you and your geese.
Luna: Now, if you'll excuse me, Celestia is going to have my Cutie Mark if I don't finish delivering all these festive Hearth's Warming Eve fruit baskets to her constituents.
Linkara: See? Even a princess is doing work, but OH, NO, the poor weather Pegasus who could prevent a blizzard needed time off!
Linkara (v/o): Luna, however, has broken her wing and can't fly. Realizing that Rainbow could do it, she conscripts Rainbow for the task, to her annoyance. The other reindeer come out, trying to act friendly to them to get close to Luna, but Rainbow sees right through it, knowing that as soon as Luna leaves, they'll go right back to being dicks. Luna's not having any of that, though. Flying is an amazing thing, according to her. Buuut it's entirely possible she's also saying this to get Rainbow to do the stuff for her, since she shoves Rainbow into the harness and insists that she do manual labor for her as thanks for her kind remarks.
Linkara: Gotta give credit to Princess Luna for writing a book where she portrays herself as a jerk. At least she's got a sense of humor about herself.
Silver Spoon: Do you think the lesson here is we should just be nice to everyone?
Diamond Tiara: I don't think that was it.
Linkara: (as Diamond Tiara) I think the lesson here is, "Everybody's a jerk", so just fly free.
Linkara (v/o): The coffee shop attendant, who should be from Starbucks, if there is any justice in this world, pours them some hot cocoa, introducing himself as Mocha Macchiato Caffe Latte Skim, or his nickname, Cuppa Joe.
Linkara: Your parents were kinda putting all their money on your Cutie Mark being about coffee, weren't they? What the hell would you have done if it turned out your thing was electrical repair?
Linkara (v/o): Spike picks up another story, "The Toy and the Mouse". This one stars Rarity, who was given a doll for Not Christmas... at least until the toy was broken. It's a nutcracker, and all the teeth somehow fell out, thanks to her little sister [Sweetie Belle]. Rarity chases after her sister over this, but the narrator quickly diffuses the tension.
Twilight: But the toy was fixed by her uncle almost immediately.
(Cut to a clip of the MST3K gang watching The Thing That Couldn't Die)
Tom Servo: Wow, they held the tension for a full second.
(Back to the comic)
Linkara (v/o): Later, Rarity fell asleep under the tree with the repaired toy.
Twilight: When the clock struck midnight, the toy turned into a real prince.
Linkara: Unfortunately, it was Prince Vegeta, who did not appreciate his predicament.
Linkara (v/o): No, of course it was a pony prince. But Rarity is upset when the narrator reveals that the Mouse King was next and decides to leave the story.
Pony Prince: My dearest! Stay! There's lots of good stuff coming... like fairies and dancing and me.
Rarity: And giant rodents. I don't need to take this. Do you know how many books would love to have me star in them.
Linkara: Sorry, Rarity, but Pinkie Pie already accepted the role in "Lord of the Reins". (holds up Pinkie Pie doll to camera; as Pinkie Pie) Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a QUEEEEEEN!
Linkara (v/o): While that would admittedly be an amusing way to end "The Nutcracker", it's more likely to be a dream, as seen here by Twilight and Spike asleep in the train station. However, Cuppa Joe knocks some bells over to wake them up, revealing that he set up a little party for them since they're missing the one in Ponyville. After all, no one should be alone this time of year.
Spike: What about your family?
Cuppa Joe: All I have at home is Puddles, my fish. He won't mind me being here.
Linkara (v/o): And we see Puddles holding a tiny present as it somehow cries into its fishbowl and breaks the laws of physics.
Linkara: (laughs uproariously) It's funny because it's so depressing!
Linkara (v/o): How does that even happen in this world? I know they are still animals, but clearly this thing can make presents with its fins. You must have known its ability to communicate with you. But whatever, let's move on to our final story; more of a prose story with pictures: "'Twas the Night of Hearth's Warming Eve".
Twilight: 'Twas the night of Hearth's Warming Eve / And all through the home / Not a creature was stirring / Not even the cat (whose name was Jerome)
Linkara: (cupping his hand over his mouth) BOOOOOO! Syllable count is wrong, so the rhyme just sounds clumsy! BOOOOO!
Twilight: The stockings were hung by the chimney with care / Stuffed to the brim with bad gifts from last year that might go up in a flare...
Linkara: You know, I realize not all of my rhymes for the "Star Trek: The Next Generation #2" review were that great, but that was me trying to do an entire episode in rhyme for a weekly series. Mistakes will happen. (holds up comic) But there is no excuse here!
Linkara (v/o): It's funny breaking the rhyming scheme once, but you don't do it twice RIGHT AWAY! It completely breaks the immersion of the rhyme. It's only now that the story settles into a half-decent rhyme scheme. The gist of it is that this dude, Big Mac, wakes up and spots his two sisters finishing up his present and fear bringing it in through the front door. They decide to lower it into the fireplace... where a fire is already roaring. And Big Mac has to put out the fire to save his gift and then embrace his family for this thoughtful gift. Also, Granny Smith comes downstairs.
Granny Smith: Why are you'uns awake at two in the blessed A.M.? That's how ya get the rickets!
Linkara: They have another purpose, besides obtaining the rickets. They're off to see Rogue One; Applejack has the tickets. (becomes frustrated) That's how you do a rhyme!
Linkara (v/o): With the final story over, the door to the train station opens, Cuppa Joe figuring that the snow must have gotten so bad as to blow the door open. However, outside in the cold are– OH, GOD, IT'S THE WINDIGOS!! DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR DEAD EYES, MY FRIENDS! THEY'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOULS!! Er, wait, no, it's just the ponies. DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR DEAD EYES, MY FRIENDS! THEY'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOULS!! Yes, the rest of the Mane Six have arrived. Apparently, Twilight's mother got a hold of them to check in due to the storm, but when they learned she hadn't arrived, they decided to bring the party to her.
Twilight: The storm is terrible! I can't believe you made it all the way up to Canterlot from Ponyville.
Rainbow Dash: It's a harrowing tale of friendship, hardship, and dedication that will need a full twenty pages to explain.
Linkara: "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Rebirth #1" coming soon. (sotto voce) In that comic, the Generation 1 Applejack is trying to reach anybody in this continuity to tell them that something's wrong with the world.
Pinkie Pie: Hey. Breaking the fourth wall is my bit!
Linkara: (as Pinkie Pie) Looks like somebody's about to get a cupcake shot through their face with my cup cannon here!
Linkara (v/o): Pinkie Pie apparently insisted that they come along.
Pinkie Pie: In a Pinkie Pie party, no pony gets left behind.
Applejack: We left Big Mac behind.
Rainbow: He can get himself out of that ice crevasse and get his flank up here anytime he wants... probably. He'll be fine.
Linkara: My Little Pony: Friendship is Abandonment.
Linkara (v/o): Twilight introduces everyone to Cuppa Joe.
Pinkie Pie: Is he on the guest list?
Cuppa Joe: Uh... no?
Linkara (v/o): Geez, look at Pinkie Pie's expression here. (said expression is of suspicion)
Linkara: (as Pinkie Pie) Get the hell out of my party, Beardo, or I'll shove you through one of your own coffee filters!
Linkara (v/o): Nah, she says it's fine. And so our comic ends with everybody having a good time exchanging gifts.
Applejack: (to Fluttershy) You got me... an apple?
Fluttershy: I know you like them.
Linkara: What's worse is that I'm pretty sure it's a tomato.
Pinkie Pie: My Pinkie Sense told me to break into a random apartment and take this fish!
Cuppa Joe: Puddles!
Linkara: (as Dragnet narrator) Miss Pie was arraigned in superior court, County of Canterlot, on one count of breaking and entering and one count of kidnapping. In a moment, the results of that trial. (holds up comic) This comic is... okay.
Linkara (v/o): It's cute and funny and all, but honestly, I think the parodies are just slightly off. "'Twas the Night of Hearth's Warming Eve" is the best, since it's just a nice little narrative, but it put me off right away by breaking the rhymes before it even started. "Toy and the Mouse" was amusing with how Rarity just abandoned the story partway through, and you can interpret this event as a dream instead of what actually happens in the story, although, if that is what happens, I want to see where things go from there. "The Flying Reindeer" is a bit amusing, but I'm not really sure what they get out of it, other than "don't be a dick". Then again, Luna was a dick to Rainbow and she still conscripted. It's an amusing comic, but nothing else to really say. Good holiday sentiments, at the very least.
Linkara: Next time, we keep this holiday train a-rollin', assuming the tracks don't freeze over in this comic like in this comic, with one from the Ghostbusters! Bustin' makes me feel good, but so does this time of year.
So was Cuppa Joe the ONLY guy working at the train station?
What's funny is that Pony Christmas is more like Pony Columbus Day or Pony Independence Day.