Monster Squad

266 Nostalgia Critic - Monster Squad

October, 21 2014
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(After the Nostalgia-Ween 2014 intro, we cut to the Nostalgia Critic coming in wearing an Uncanny X-Men shirt, an Autobots hat, and his usual tie)

NC: Token Troop, sound off! Black Kid! (played by Malcolm Ray, wearing an Empire Strikes Back shirt)

Malcolm: Smashing! (Black Kid: in charge of supplying catch phrases for t-shirts and promos)

NC: Cool Kid. (played by Jim Jarosz, wearing a leather jacket, shades, and a cigarette in his mouth)

Jim: Sup? (Cool Kid: in charge of looking rebellious and hip)

NC: Geeky Kid! (Rob Walker, and as Analyst 1)

Rob: Charts. (Geeky Kid: in charge of the science mumbo jumbo nobody understands)

NC: But hey, waitaminute. Where's Fat Kid?

Fat Kid: Here I am. (Jason Laws. Fat Kid: in charge of being fat)

NC: Hold it, hold it! Jason, I thought you were supposed to put on 50 more pounds?

Jason: (mouth full) I'm sorry. I'm eating as much chocolate covered pumpkin Twinkies as I can!

Jim: Dude, how are we supposed to have an adventurous 80s boy team without a fat kid?

Rob: Well, as a well-paid Hollywood analyst, I am technically of a sizable girth.

NC: Oh, I'm sorry. Did you wanna be known as the fatass?

Rob: Well according to the chart--

NC: No! Did you at least bring the adorable pet mascot?

(Jason remembers and ducks down, bringing up an Appa doll. Cute Pet: in charge of "aaaaawwww")

NC: Alright. Well gang, I think our first meeting of the Token Troop has just begun!

(The guys cheer and put their hands together, and Appa as well, before sitting on a couch)

NC: If there's anything the 80s have taught us, it's that boys rule!

Guys: Yeah!

Malcolm: Rockin'!

Rob: Molecular.

Jim: Whatever.

NC: From Stand By Me to (The) Goonies to Explorers and of course, the best new all-time holiday classic, Monster Squad!

Rob: That film.

(Clips of the movie are shown)

NC (vo): Imagine all the classic Halloween monsters in modern day...80s, and the only ones who can stop them are smoking, swearing, perverted little adolescents that clearly don't give a shit if they're considered a family film or not. There's no doubt about it, it kicks major nards, and in honor of this awesomeness, we put together our own 80s squad of boy tropes.

NC: Isn't that right guys?

Guys: Yeah!

NC: Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna start this review.

Jason: You? Why you?

NC: Because I'm the charming, awkward shy main character with a heart of gold that gets the most focus.

Malcolm: But we're like a million times more interesting than you.

NC: And that's why you'll sell more toys, but we still need to keep the focus on the Wonder Bread protagonist: me.

Rob: Statistically, this seems the most illogical.

NC: That's the 80s in a nutshell. This is Monster Squad!

(The rest of the guys give half-hearted cheers)

Rob: Ass.

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