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Monster Squad
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Released
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October, 21 2014
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Running time
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32:03
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Previous review
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Next Review
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TBA
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Link
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(After the Nostalgia-Ween 2014 intro, we cut to the Nostalgia Critic coming in wearing an Uncanny X-Men shirt, an Autobots hat, and his usual tie)
NC: Token Troop, sound off! Black Kid! (played by Malcolm Ray, wearing an Empire Strikes Back shirt)
Malcolm: Smashing! (Black Kid: in charge of supplying catch phrases for t-shirts and promos)
NC: Cool Kid. (played by Jim Jarosz, wearing a leather jacket, shades, and a cigarette in his mouth)
Jim: Sup? (Cool Kid: in charge of looking rebellious and hip)
NC: Geeky Kid! (Rob Walker, and as Analyst 1)
Rob: Charts. (Geeky Kid: in charge of the science mumbo jumbo nobody understands)
NC: But hey, waitaminute. Where's Fat Kid?
Fat Kid: Here I am. (Jason Laws. Fat Kid: in charge of being fat)
NC: Hold it, hold it! Jason, I thought you were supposed to put on 50 more pounds?
Jason: (mouth full) I'm sorry. I'm eating as much chocolate covered pumpkin Twinkies as I can!
Jim: Dude, how are we supposed to have an adventurous 80s boy team without a fat kid?
Rob: Well, as a well-paid Hollywood analyst, I am technically of a sizable girth.
NC: Oh, I'm sorry. Did you wanna be known as the fatass?
Rob: Well according to the chart--
NC: No! Did you at least bring the adorable pet mascot?
(Jason remembers and ducks down, bringing up an Appa doll. Cute Pet: in charge of "aaaaawwww")
NC: Alright. Well gang, I think our first meeting of the Token Troop has just begun!
(The guys cheer and put their hands together, and Appa as well, before sitting on a couch)
NC: If there's anything the 80s have taught us, it's that boys rule!
Guys: Yeah!
Malcolm: Rockin'!
Rob: Molecular.
Jim: Whatever.
NC: From Stand By Me to (The) Goonies to Explorers and of course, the best new all-time holiday classic, Monster Squad!
Rob: That film.
(Clips of the movie are shown)
NC (vo): Imagine all the classic Halloween monsters in modern day...80s, and the only ones who can stop them are smoking, swearing, perverted little adolescents that clearly don't give a shit if they're considered a family film or not. There's no doubt about it, it kicks major nards, and in honor of this awesomeness, we put together our own 80s squad of boy tropes.
NC: Isn't that right guys?
Guys: Yeah!
NC: Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna start this review.
Jason: You? Why you?
NC: Because I'm the charming, awkward shy main character with a heart of gold that gets the most focus.
Malcolm: But we're like a million times more interesting than you.
NC: And that's why you'll sell more toys, but we still need to keep the focus on the Wonder Bread protagonist: me.
Rob: Statistically, this seems the most illogical.
NC: That's the 80s in a nutshell. This is Monster Squad!
(The rest of the guys give half-hearted cheers)
Rob: Ass.