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Changes: Marville 6-7

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'''Linkara:''' Maybe this is just his way of trying to say, ''(mocking voice)'' "Our criticisms for 'Marville' are irrelevant, because we're not supposed to care about it.'" ''(normal again)'' Which is kind of the stupid logic I expect at this point, frankly.
  
'''Linkara:''' Maybe this is just his way of trying to say, ''(mocking voice)'' "Our criticisms for 'Marville' are irrelevant, because we're not supposed to care about it.'" ''(normal again)'' Which is kind of the stupid logic I expect at this point, frankly.
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' The editor is already confused.
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'''Editor:''' I'm not tracking here-- how do you separate the hero from his story?
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'''Linkara:''' Ask the creators behind "[[Amazons Attack 1 and 2|Amazons Attack]]"; they did a ''great'' job of separating Wonder Woman from her own damn crossover.
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' Also, that sentence comes out of nowhere. He wasn't talking about the hero and their story; he was talking about reader investment.
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'''Al:''' You'll see, if you just make a comic about my story, see...
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'''Linkara:''' ''(massaging his forehead in frustration)'' Al, they ''did'', and I ''still'' don't see! Oh, I am going to have to stop critiquing every piece of dialogue in this, because this is taking far too long! Much like how "All-Star Batman and Robin" takes too long.
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''(Cut to a clip of Linkara's review of "[[Miller Time: All-Star Batman and Robin 6|All-Star Batman and Robin #6]]")''
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' ''(audio from review)'' We cut to "five hours ago". So, five hours ago from ''three hours ago?!''
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'''Linkara:''' ''(audio from review; anguished) WHAT TIME IS IT?!?''
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''(Cut back to the "Marville" comic)''
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'''Linkara (v/o):''' He [Al] says he was reliving the origin stories of Superman, Spider-Man, and Batman, and all were sillier than the last. But the editor objects to this, though for different reasons than I do.
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'''Editor:''' Listen, son, you can't go around saying that comic legends are silly.
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'''Linkara:''' ''(as editor)'' Comic books are serious business! Now, let me tell you about Arm Fall-Off Boy. ''(a shot of Arm Fall-Off Boy appears in the corner)''
   
 
'''This guide is not complete. Please finish.'''
  
'''This guide is not complete. Please finish.'''

Revision as of 23:04, 27 September 2019

Marville #6 and #7

At4w marville 6 7 by mtc studios-d70aan7-768x339

Released
January 6, 2014
Running time
34:56
Previous review
Next review
Tagline
Our long national nightmare is over! It's the final issues of Marville!
Link

(Open on Linkara's futon, which is empty, and that can only mean one thing: Marville! Linkara appears, with his hand, holding a bottle of alcohol, coming down hard on the futon as he struggles to get up, feeling quite hung over. Suddenly, the screen disappears as we see the present-day Linkara, with his new attire and his futon in front of his bookshelf, feeling an empty bottle. He looks up to see he's on camera)

Linkara: Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry. That was the drunken opening from the very first "Marville" review. I'm sorry about that, I just got confused. Why? Because "Marville #6", the last issue of "Marville", (gnashes his teeth angrily) is a recap of the series!!

(AT4W title sequence plays; title card has "Bohemian Polka" by Weird Al Yankovic playing in the background)

Linkara: Like I said when this first began, every issue of "Marville" is worse than the one before it. And thus, we have reached the final real issue... and it's BAAAAAD!! I'll explain what I mean by (makes "finger quotes") "real issue" later.

(Shots of the issue to come are shown, revealing it is little more than a recap of the previous issues)

Linkara (v/o): But wait! Don't turn off the video just yet, as if this is just a lazy bunch of panels and text copied and pasted from the previous five issues. Oh, no, they actually bothered to draw new artwork for the recap and have a framing device for the recap!

Linkara: (irritated) Bad enough that we have to relive this insanity, but I can't even ignore it as if it was just an easy cash grab or something, (becomes more irate) because they actually had the INDECENCY to put EFFORT into it! It's "Marville", so it's not very much effort, but still...

Linkara (v/o): A recap of the events of the previous "Marville" issues would be pretty pointless, because that's exactly what we're about to see. But if you need a recap of something, here's the recap of "Battle for Bludhaven".

(Cut to footage of that series of videos)

Linkara (v/o): (audio from review) The government controls the city of Bludhaven, because they're idiots. The Atomic Knights are running around Bludhaven with no clear end goal, because they're idiots. The Secret Society of Supervillains send two teams of nuclear-themed characters into Bludhaven, because they're idiots. Firebrand... is an idiot.

(Cut back to the present-day Linkara)

Linkara: So let's dig into (holds up today's comic) "Marville #6" and be thankful that this is the last we'll ever have to see of this.

(Cut to a closeup of the comic's cover)

Linkara (v/o): The cover would have been fine if this had been a Wolverine comic that was about Wolverine accidentally having a camera glued to his face. The problem is that it is not, and Wolverine is not a prominent character in this comic. So yes, the cover is awful, not that it would've been much better if this had been a Wolverine comic.

Linkara: I'd make a joke about me shoving my face in front of the camera, but... I've already done that before.

(Cut to a clip of Linkara's review of the New Teen Titans anti-drug PSA)

Raven: (audio from review) Please... do not run.

Linkara: (audio from review; as Raven) Aren't my eyes comforting when they're up close like this?

(Cut back to the current review, showing an alternate cover with the obligatory redheaded lady on the cover)

Linkara (v/o): There is an alternate cover with Red-Haired Cover Lady swinging in Spider-Man-themed lingerie. It's about as random as anything else in this story, so I guess that means it matches perfectly. And hell, at least that can be considered Ultrasoft or Spank material...

(Cut back to the cover showing Wolverine)

Linkara (v/o): ...unless you're that turned on by Wolverine's poorly-rendered claws. Seriously, look at the angle of those things. It's hard enough to believe that he can fit claws in his arm. They're not even exiting out in a reasonable manner. Toy Wolverine claws attached to the back of a kid's hand are more accurate!

(The comic opens to the first page)

Linkara (v/o): We open with the image of asteroids falling towards Earth.

Al: This is a good story.

Linkara: The previous five issues would suggest otherwise.

Linkara (v/o): It's Al talking to someone: specifically, an editor. Yeah, Al is pitching "Marville" to a comic editor!

Linkara: (sarcastically) Oh, how meta! (raises hand in air for emphasis) What do you think of how meta that is, unused take of Phelous from last week's episode?

(Cut to Phelous)

Phelous: (confused) What?

Al: But this really is good. See... asteroids are destroying the planet.

Linkara: That is a good thing, for some reason.

Al: And I'm watching TV.

Linkara: Riveting.

Editor: Teenager, right?

Linkara: Only teenagers watch TV! (shrugs)

Linkara (v/o): By the way, this is what I mean by "effort". The image on the TV? It's the same one that was in the first issue of "Marville". The artist actually gave enough of a damn to go back and make sure it was the same. How depressing is that, that "Marville" is the one that remembers stupid little continuity like that, yet a team of writers and artists on "Countdown" can't keep things consistent from one issue to the next?! He explains that his parents sent him back in time to save his life, and the editor asks why they didn't go with him?

Al: I think they were trying to stay true to the Superman legend.

Linkara (v/o): One, the Superman legend did not involve time travel using PlayStation and Atari parts! Two, in the original issue, Ted Turner said that their "tragic deaths will give him a heightened sense of responsibility". THAT'S SPIDER-MAN, NOT SUPERMAN!! And he can't say that he didn't know their motivations, BECAUSE HE WAS THERE WHEN TED TURNER SAID IT!! The editor, however, decides to harp on the Superman thing.

Editor: What is this, a Superman re-make? It will never sell. You can't just go changing a legend. Super hero [sic] origins are sacred-- ask any fan.

Linkara: (dripping sarcasm) AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! HAAA! HAAA! FUNNY. (gnashes teeth)

Al: That's the whole point of the story. Readers should love their heroes, but not get too hung up on the stories that writers make up about them.

Linkara: (incredulously) Wait, that was the point of "Marville"?!? Then why the hell did we spend three issues on incorrect science related to the origins of the universe and humanity?! The hell does that have to do with superheroes?!

Linkara (v/o): Also, bullcrap! Emotional investment is necessary for us to care about the outcome of a story. You can't have it both ways! It's either pretty artwork just for the sake of pretty artwork or a story where the outcome is relevant to us. Or, at the very least, you can't have ongoing continuity. Actions either have consequences or they don't!

Linkara: Maybe this is just his way of trying to say, (mocking voice) "Our criticisms for 'Marville' are irrelevant, because we're not supposed to care about it.'" (normal again) Which is kind of the stupid logic I expect at this point, frankly.

Linkara (v/o): The editor is already confused.

Editor: I'm not tracking here-- how do you separate the hero from his story?

Linkara: Ask the creators behind "Amazons Attack"; they did a great job of separating Wonder Woman from her own damn crossover.

Linkara (v/o): Also, that sentence comes out of nowhere. He wasn't talking about the hero and their story; he was talking about reader investment.

Al: You'll see, if you just make a comic about my story, see...

Linkara: (massaging his forehead in frustration) Al, they did, and I still don't see! Oh, I am going to have to stop critiquing every piece of dialogue in this, because this is taking far too long! Much like how "All-Star Batman and Robin" takes too long.

(Cut to a clip of Linkara's review of "All-Star Batman and Robin #6")

Linkara (v/o): (audio from review) We cut to "five hours ago". So, five hours ago from three hours ago?!

Linkara: (audio from review; anguished) WHAT TIME IS IT?!?

(Cut back to the "Marville" comic)

Linkara (v/o): He [Al] says he was reliving the origin stories of Superman, Spider-Man, and Batman, and all were sillier than the last. But the editor objects to this, though for different reasons than I do.

Editor: Listen, son, you can't go around saying that comic legends are silly.

Linkara: (as editor) Comic books are serious business! Now, let me tell you about Arm Fall-Off Boy. (a shot of Arm Fall-Off Boy appears in the corner)

This guide is not complete. Please finish.

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