(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from Maleficent: Mistress of Evil. Clips from the first film are also shown)
Doug (vo): So if you saw my Disneycember review of Maleficent or even my Nostalgia Critic review of Maleficent, you might know I didn't exactly see it as a very good movie. I really liked Sleeping Beauty, especially the villain, so to see them suddenly do this Wicked thing where it's all a misunderstanding and she's really good, it just seemed pretty lame to me. But where that was just one consistent type of bad, Maleficent: Mistress of Evil is every kind of bad you can imagine. The first third is annoying and cliched and terribly written, the second chunk is boring and dull and goes on forever, and the last third is the most violent, insane body count I think I've ever seen a movie like this have! I'm not even kidding! It goes off the rails bonkers! There's, like, a ton of different tones in this movie, all of them are bad, and...I'm not gonna lie, it's kind of a marvel!
Doug (vo): The film opens with Aurora, played by Elle Fanning, being proposed to by Phillip, played by the only actor who could actually be more boring than Phillip, but Maleficent doesn't want it to happen, because she hates humans. Well, wait. Wasn't that the plot of the first one? She hates humans, but then she learned to like them...well, no. We're doing it again. Yeah, even though she saved everybody, everyone still sees her as the villain, so she gets to go through the exact same arc. Regardless, Phillip's parents, especially his mother, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, are afraid of Maleficent, but still have her over to see if they can get along. After pretty much the exact same dinner scene from Shrek 2, the father suddenly falls into a cursed sleep, and, of course, everyone thinks Maleficent did it, even though it's very much the very evil queen with the shifty eyes. While trying to get away, she comes across, surprisingly, her own species. Other horned people with wings see her and bring her into their colony, saying that a war between them and the humans is brewing and they need to attack. Aurora needs to find out what everybody in the audience has figured out an hour ago, and, of course, it ends with a big battle. Oh, did I say "big"? I meant Game of Thrones-epic.
(An image of a battle scene from Game of Thrones is shown with the caption, "Violent and makes no friggin' sense")
Doug (vo): It just comes right out of nowhere, to a point where you don't even see Maleficent that much, and even when she does appear, she barely says a word! So much of this movie is showing these cute, cuddly little characters and those three stupid fairies, and they all have these terrible jokes that's obviously meant for little kids. But in the last act, tons of them are killed off! If you were to watch the opening of this movie and just be like, "Yeah, half of these characters will be dead", I mean, you just couldn't even believe it! And it's not something like, "Oh, they just say a magic word and they all come back to life", no. They stay dead! It is beyond bananas, but that's also part of the fun of it. I know that sounds weird, because I was talking about how boring and irritating it was, but knowing this is the final act, it makes the other two acts a lot more enjoyable. It's kind of like that movie Serenity, which, okay, I won't give away the twist to that, but it kind of has the same thing, where the first two thirds are really boring, but then, when you find out what happens, it kind of changes the first two thirds like, "What? This is what it was leading to? Are you nuts?" Suddenly, it adds a whole new layer of entertainment I didn't know was in front of me the whole time.
Doug (vo): But, does that mean it's good? No! Wow, no! I mean, at times, it's shot nice, and the battle at the end, I'll give credit, is kind of exciting, even if you don't care for anybody, but, no, no. It's bad. But it's a unique kind of bad, a bad I haven't really seen that much of. So, in that kind of respect, I recommend it. You just have to see this movie to try and figure out what the hell were they going for, like so many people get killed, and then suddenly, on the same day, they act like it's nothing! People that are literally trying to kill each other moments ago are suddenly holding hands in the next scene. It's totally cuckoo! But, yeah, where the first one was just kind of a mediocre bad, like I probably forget it pretty quickly, this one, I will never forget. And I know there's people out there that search for bad movies like this, like ones that challenge that kind of badness and give a new spin on it, even if it wasn't intentional. Well, this one definitely does that. It's awful in so many different ways you don't usually see combined, especially in a Disney flick. So, yeah, you can probably figure out if this is a movie you want to see or not. I mean, yeah, it's not very good, but hopefully, listening to this, you can figure out if it's a "not kind of good that you'll find good". Oh, God, that's confusing. You know what I mean. Hopefully, you can figure out if it's a "so bad, it's good" movie that you'll enjoy. I know I certainly did. Take a look and see if you, too, can figure out, "What the fuck?"
(A scene in the final battle showing Maleficent arriving at the battle while channeling her new powers as the Phoenix is shown)