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Mac and Me Review Review Review

Phelous and me 3.jpg

Aired
April 01, 2022
Running time
16:29
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Phelous (VO): (as Wabuu) Mac and Me is so stupid. But you know what's even dumber than that? Phelan not letting it go and proceeding to review his review of his first review! I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, that's how stupid this is!

Phelous (VO): (as Wuschel) Wow, you really got Phelan with that one, Wabuu.

Phelous (VO): (as Wabuu) Shut up, Wuschel, you're living on borrowed time! And speaking of that, here's Old Man.

Phelous (VO): (as Old Man) Thank you for that kind introduction, Wabuu. Phelous and the Movies was a mistake.

Phelous (VO): (as Wabuu) Uh, was that it?

Phelous (VO): (as Old Man) I think I had a bunch more lines, but I forgot them. I'm old.

Phelous (VO): (as Wabuu) Hahaha, that's so funny, Old Man. Hey, Siro, do you have Old Man's lines?

Siro:  THAT'S IT.

Phelous: (slow clap) Well, I did it. I pointlessly inserted Old Man and Wabuu, with a bonus Siro. Everyone happy? I'm not! Except when I'm reviewing my review of my reviews.

(Title card has three Phelouses replacing Eric on the film's poster)

2008 Phelous: What am I looking at? (Turns around to look at Mac) Eww, what is that!?

2015 Phelous: Some of the amazing acting.

2022 Phelous: Look who's talking! And he didn't even have his head at the correct angle!

2022 Phelous (VO): Alright, so you take an idiot, you take an idiot talking about an idiot, and then an idiot talking about an idiot talking about an idiot you get this video... whatever it is.

2022 Phelous: Of course, I shouldn't even be doing this video, because I could be talking about a real movie. Except I don't even know what a real movie is anymore, because when I do talk about a real movie, it apparently isn't a real movie.

2022 Phelous (VO): So seven years after my Mac and Me review, as both the 200th episode of Phelous and the Movies and an April Fools special, I reviewed my first review.

2022 Phelous: And now seven years after that, I'm reviewing my review of my first review! What is the significance of seven years? I don't know.

2022 Phelous (VO): What I do know, though, is that my review of my first review lit the internet on fire, as it is... not really that highly viewed at all.

2022 Phelous: So making a follow-up to it would be pretty dumb.

2015 Phelous: Today, we're gonna be looking at the first-ever review by the Fail-eous Crooked.

2022 Phelous (VO): Ooh, nice, as making CA jabs right the start of this video!

2022 Phelous: And speaking of things that blow beyond belief, I need to get back to work on my demo reel.

2015 Phelous: Would you like to guess what that is?

Eric: A Big Mac?

2015 Phelous: No, no, no, try again.

2008 Phelous: A BIG MAC!! (laughs maniacally)

2015 Phelous: ...Yes.

2022 Phelous: Oh, don't act surprised about clips that you had to write into the review and include! Is this enough cutting to various versions of me yet?

2022 Phelous (VO): This review review was apparently a way for me to take complaining about the past the whole new levels.

2015 Phelous (VO): You thought this was too long for a review?

2015 Phelous: Now in the future of 2015, we're like, "Tcha, they only spent an hour on this review? Guess they didn't feel like going that in-depth."

2022 Phelous: Oh, you stay in that future of 2015 of yours with your one-hour reviews, I'm about to make a two-hour video essay on your ass... and then I'll make an eight-hour compilation of my video essays on you!

2015 Phelous (VO): Considering how many people hated my guts immediately and how annoying my voice is, it sure would be stupid if I were still doing these videos seven years later.

2022 Phelous: And the shock again. Hey, did you know that in 14 years, I've aged some? I know that doesn't happen to most people.

2022 Phelous (VO): Is that, like, dust smudges and a hair on my shirt? What a real ProStar I am.

2015 Phelous (VO): Just look at how miserably yellow it was first! Well, a later update in 2012 fixed it slightly, this year became this! By 2021, I predict the review will look like this!

2022 Phelous: I didn't actually do that, despite people asking me last year for the joke to become reality. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na! Remember that? Ahaha!

2008 Phelous (VO): Uh, you might think I'm just making some stupid joke here--

2015 Phelous: And I was. Yessssssss!

2022 Phelous: And that joke was sooo much better. Yessssss!

2008 Phelous (VO): They stagger around like they're a bunch of confused drunks.

2015 Phelous (VO): Druuunksssss?

2022 Phelous (VO): I'll give 2015 me this, he was right about my stupid 2008 narration being awkward.

2015 Phelous: Actually as on as many drugs as I could find. Especially opium!

2022 Phelous (VO): Hahaha, that's great, Phelan, including inside jokes that almost no one will get.

2022 Phelous: Good thing I stopped doing that forever.

2022 Phelous (VO): Man, 2015 is like the dark ages now. Look at this crappy review review with its extra crappy DVD Mac and Me footage! Now we've got the beautiful Blu-ray edition of the movie thanks to Shout! Factory so we can see shit like the aliens dying in the desert due to lack of Coca-Cola, and flipping people off in glorious HD!

2022 Phelous: Though if I want to watch the best part of the movie, I'm still stuck with good ol' VHS.

2022 Phelous: At least I've got that footage now from an HDMI VCR. Yes, really.

2022 Phelous (VO): I can't believe though that I forgot to mention that I forgot to mention the part about Eric getting shot when I originally did the review review.

2022 Phelous: I know I didn't have the footage or even know about it back then, but I still should have mentioned it.

2022 Phelous (VO): A really cool part about my review review though was me having a can of Coke.

2022 Phelous: Can't do that anymore. Oh, wait, yes I can! Wow, the wonder power of Coca-Cola! Remember that dumb line?

2008 Phelous (VO): So through the wonder power of Coca-Cola, the evil aliens are saved!

2022 Phelous: Too bad Coca-Cola isn't actually bringing you this video. Would you like to guess what is? Raid! Bug spray! I bet I'm the first one to make that joke! Which is all it is, a joke.

2008 Phelous: Wow. Just wow.

2022 Phelous (VO): Oh, shut up, clip of 2008 me!

2015 Phelous: Wow. Just wow.

2022 Phelous: Well, I do feel put in place by 2015 me.

2022 Phelous (VO): Hey, let's watch the "Fair enough" scene in HD!

2008 Phelous (VO): Apparently this lab is right beside a busy highway and a desolate desert? (sighs) Fair enough...

2022 Phelous: You know, the better footage really improves my lack of joke there.

2022 Phelous (VO): Anyway, then I start complaining about a part where I'm just summarizing what was going on the movie, and now I'm just summarizing what I was doing back then, following it by summarizing what I'm currently doing, summarizing.

2022 Phelous: Sure hope you show up in 2029 to summarize this, Phelan! And now that I made that joke, people be waiting for that dumb thing to actually happen.

2022 Phelous (VO): It better not really, Phelan, you've already taken this joke too far!

2008 Phelous: (does the whistling communication like the aliens do) McDonald's is still open!

2015 Phelous: (tries to do the whistling communication but fails) I CAN'T DO THAT RIGHT ANYMORE!!

2022 Phelous: Stupid 2015 me, the Hell was that? (finally whistling communication) And that does indeed tell me that McDonald's is... closed right now? What the Hell?

2008 Phelous: Now here comes one of the greatest moments in this movie.

2022 Phelous (VO): Now here comes one of the greatest moments in my review of this review; I explained that I laughed at Eric falling off the cliff more the second time because I wanted to fit a stupid Mortal Komedy joke in the first time.

2008 Sub-Zero: That's new!

2008 Phelous: Get out of here, Sub-Zero!

2015 Phelous: Oh, yeah, Sub-Zero moved on with his life, while I'm still sitting here in the same spot I was seven years ago complaining about the same stupid shit! (cries)

2022 Phelous: Really, though, I have moved my chair over a bit since then, so I'm not in the exact same spot, all's well.

(Laugh track)

2015 Sub-Zero: WHAT HAVE I DOOOOONE?!?!?!

2022 Sub-Zero: Geez, that sure is some appalling weather, especially for late March! What the Hell, 2015? Uh, I mean, I have done it, with my ice powers, 'cause I'm Sub-Zero.

2022 Phelous (VO): One thing I definitely forgot to mention and then forgot to mention again was how the wheelchair scene was some of Paul Rudd's best work.

Paul Rudd: When I see a real proton pack or ghost trap, I'm taking back to being a kid.

Debbie:  What is he, some sort of ghost?

2008 Phelous (VO): Pff, well as stupid as that was, it's actually probably one of the more sensible conclusions in this movie.

2015 Phelous (VO): Pff, well as stupid as my retort about that line was, I'll still have to agree.

2022 Phelous (VO): Pff, well as stupid as my retort about that retort was, I guess I'll still have to agree, so nothing has been accomplished here 14 years later.

2008 Phelous (VO): And here's a nice E.T. shot.

2015 Phelous (VO): Okay, you got a joke for that?

2015 Phelous (VO): Moving on, MOVING ON!!

2022 Phelous: Was the frozen corpse of my past self trying to eat me there? What was that supposed to be?

2015 Phelous (VO): Wait, where the fuck did Mac get that car?! Why didn't I mention that?!

2022 Phelous (VO): Okay there, 2015 potty mouth, calm it the fuck down, it's just a stupid puppet driving the Power Wheels!

2008 Phelous: Oh... I mean, I guess they got me on that one.

2015 Phelous (VO): Shut up!

2022 Phelous: Why was I so mad at myself?! Shut up, me!

2015 Phelous (VO): This review is also the only time I regularly looked over at where my TV actually is like I was watching the movie as the review happened. Like, that makes any sense.

2022 Phelous (VO): Well, that's some stunning insight there! Thanks for explaining that.

2022 Phelous: Did you like that, Old Man?

2022 Phelous (VO): (as Old Man) Why am I here?

2022 Phelous: (normally) I don't know, but if you aren't here enough, people complain! Of course, since you showed up at all, other people probably complain, so I'm screwed either way!

2022 Phelous (VO): By the way, did you know that despite being in the Dingo Pictures Beauty and the Beast parody for the majority of the runtime, Old Man was demoted to an extra? Someone seriously put that! That has gotten deleted at this point, but it's kind of insane that it was ever put there.

2022 Phelous (VO): (as Old Man) Hey, I shouldn't be in this scene, but look at me, that stupid Old Man! Doo-di-doo-di-doo!

2022 Phelous: (normally) Well, that had nothing to do with anything, like dancing in the parking lot of McDonald's.

2022 Phelous (VO): See, I brought you around and back again.

2008 Phelous: This movie takes you around and back again.

2008 Phelous (VO): The bad guys finally show up and start chasing Mac... and Me. (laughs) Sorry.

2015 Phelous: (laughs)

2022 Phelous (VO): Okay, enough of your fake laughing, I bet deep inside, you still love that horrible joke.

2008 Phelous: And how the Hell do you know that?!

2015 Phelous: I don't know!

2022 Phelous: What the Hell is even going on at this point?!

2015 Phelous: Good question! I'm getting confused now.

2022 Phelous: Me too.

2022 Phelous (VO): After the shootout in that one explosive grocery store, I forgot to mention that I forgot to mention that Eric's ghost falls into himself because of the weird editing around Eric getting shot by the Wishmaster himself, Andrew Divoff.

2022 Phelous (VO): Which, by the way, in an interview with After Movie Dinner, Andrew Divoff said he was a glorified extra as Policeman #1 and glad he wasn't #2, but he was, he was #2!

2022 Phelous: But he's still #1 in our hearts, because he shot Eric.

2022 Phelous (VO): Also, now I can't unhear Michael's doubled up line of saying "He's gone?" over himself saying that "He's dead?" in the regular cut.

2022 Phelous: This is just evolving into me going on about Mac and Me again, and we don't need that!

2015 Phelous (VO): Also, this was the first of many stupid things I do to these films which would make people ask, "Did that really happen?".

2022 Phelous (VO): And funny enough, this wouldn't be the last silly edit to Mac and Me I did that people asked if that really happened or not, because I said this happened in the Japanese cut as a joke, and some thought it was real.

2008 Phelous: This movie takes you around and back again.

2022 Phelous (VO): And really, my review of my review of my review takes you around and back again.

2015 Phelous: Yes.

2015 Phelous: And since this isn't me reviewing a horror movie, not watching!

2022 Phelous: Glad I don't get comments like that anymore.

2022 Phelous (VO): All in all, I do have to admit, Phelous and the Movies was a mistake, and this review proves it. I've gone too far and I'm being meta about meta or something at this point, this really makes no sense anymore.

2022 Phelous: And that's why I have to make the sad announcement that this will actually be my last video... until I make the next one.

(outro)

2022 Phelous (VO): (as Wabuu) Mac and Me needed more Wabuu, also, I should have been mentioning that stupid Welcome to Raccoon City video.

2022 Sub-Zero: Apparently I made the crows come, too.

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