The 2013 MTV Video Music Awards
August 28, 2013
Todd: Um...normally when I do my MTV Vlogs, I start out complaining that MTV doesn't matter anymore, and, um...while it's true that MTV does not matter anymore, I think this VMAs does, in fact, matter, [laughs a little] 'cause it's all anyone's been talking about for the last two days. So, you know, I figured I'd better speak about it.
So first off, let's talk about the important thing—let's talk about [image of...] that Katy Perry. So any... I'm kidding. Let's talk about Miley. Um...well, you know, it's been really weird watching all the shock, you know, all the gasp, all the.... I don't wanna join it, but, yeah, it was a pretty interesting performance. I can't say I don't understand why people are talking about it. Um...well, let's just get it out of the way. It was really, really kind of sad. Um...there's, like, a real element of you know, like, the Girls Gone Wild things. Like, this is not a...
- Video of Miley's performance
Todd (VO): ...healthy expression or a very wise way to say that you're a sexy person who has all sorts of sex and stuff. You know I don't wanna be like Fox News, like, "oh, my gosh" and... You know, it's the VMAs. Girls do shocking things at the VMAs. That said, can I ask this—does...
Todd: ...anybody... did anybody enjoy it? The performance as a whole. Did anybody like watching it? Did anybody like the dancing? Which was terrible. The singing, which was also terrible.
Todd (VO): Um...I don't think anyone did, whereas, you know...people, I think, will watch Madonna doing "Like a Virgin" on the VMAs and enjoy it, or even Britney and Christina doing the VMAs and singing "Like a Virgin"; I think people will enjoy that more than that. Then there's the racial aspect, which I don't even wanna go into. That's a...that's a whole other can of worms that I'm probably not bright enough to...to go into. Well, let me say this. Say this for Miley—she seemed genuine enough, like when...
Todd: Like, she seemed like she enjoyed doing it, like it was something she wanted to do, like...Britney making out with Madonna, that's... I don't think she was doing that like, "I would really like to make out with Madonna," or even like, "I would really like the attention I would get for making out with Madonna." Like, it's not even genuinely attention-seeking. It was like, "well, you know, it's showbiz...
Todd (VO): ...I gotta do something," versus Miley, who seemed to be really into it, who... [catching his breath] she seemed to be throwing herself into the role, let's say. You know, I can imagine like she would do it, like, at a club or anywhere else, like she... this is what she wants to be doing, whether or not she should want to do it or not; that's definitely what she likes. I can definitely see her pretending to lick a girl's ass when she's just normally out in public.
That's a...like...it's an enormously sad song, like I did in the... Like I said in the review, it's just a...
Todd: ...depressing unhappy song, and with her looking so desperate to shock, it looked even more desperate. And I just think she sounded terrible, she sounded really terrible and unrehearsed, and... You know, she's been singing for awhile; I don't like her voice, but she can hit a note. Like, it's pretty clear where her priorities were, as far as that performance went.
And then she did "Blurred Lines" with Robin Thicke, and..."Blurred Lines", ooh. Whatever good things about "Blurred Lines" are, it's its smooth groove, and that gets...got thrown off way hard when Miley Cyrus starts interjecting her very, very sharp voice in it and starts grinding on Robin Thicke. Ugh, Miley seemed to be enjoying that a lot more than Robin Thicke did; he seemed really uncomfortable, honestly. He seemed like he did not want to be there, he wasn't quite sure why he was doing it. And to be fair, he also kinda sounded pretty bad. At least during "Blurred Lines"...and then 2 Chainz showed up, he and 2 Chainz did a thing, and that's...honestly, that was probably...
- Video of Robin Thicke's performance
Todd (VO): ...one of the better performances of the night. 2 Chainz did a better job with his vocals than Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus did.
Well, what else was there besides that? I noticed they didn't even give out the Rock awards. I read later that they gave it during the pre-show, which I didn't watch. Um, it was...that's kinda sad, how little rock matters anymore, except if you care about it, which I'm not sure many people do anymore.
Todd: And...I notice this is a trend for the last couple years. The awards go to the big teeny-bop fan-base 'cause they're the only person who cares who wins these awards. The teeny-bops... I saw One Direction won an award, Selena Gomez won an award, so that...it's pretty obvious how they assign who gets that.
- Clip of Justin Timberlake's performance
Todd (VO): I guess the other big thing that anyone cares about is Justin Timberlake. He did a performance, I guess it was good. But I would kind of admit I was kind of disappointed with 'N Sync. You know, they were supposed to perform, the big reunion, and there was just, like, a brief 20 seconds of 'N Sync performing "Bye Bye Bye" in the middle of the Justin Timberlake medley, which was pretty good and I liked it. But...
Todd: you know, all the hype was for the 'N Sync reunion, and then because it got spoiled so quickly, and then because...you know, because it was in the middle of the Justin Timberlake thing, that's...people wanted to see 'N Sync. And you know, just for 20 seconds, they...
- Clip of 'N Sync portion of Timberlake medley
Todd (VO): Goddamn, that poor JC Chasez, he threw himself into it, probably more than any of the other bandmates. He was just, like, "I'm onstage, thank God, I'm not gonna get this chance again for the next ten years until Justin gets a...something really bad happens to Justin and he gets desperate."
And they gave him, like, the Video Vanguard Award, which was like their Lifetime Achievement Award, which, and they made clear, wasn't for...
Todd: ...his work with 'N Sync, it was for his stuff for his solo work, which is a whole other ten years of things, just three albums worth. And you know, Jimmy Fallon was just trying to hype it up, you know, he was, like, "he's got hit after hit after hit!" And I'm like, "well, he has hit after hit after seven-year hiatus, but okay."
And I'm trying to think what else. Oh, speaking of the other big disappointment of the night, Daft Punk did not perform. They tease a little big of their next single with a pre... pre-made video, but they did not perform, which was a big... You know, it was a big thing because Colb... They couldn't perform on Colbert like they said they would 'cause MTV had them over a barrel to perform "Get Lucky" on the MTV Awards, so they had to cancel on Colbert at the last minute, so Colbert spoiled the entire surprise performance thing, and then they didn't even perform. Like...wow, that was, I think, probably the biggest letdown of the night.
Daft Punk only presented an award. They don't speak and they don't do anything. They just sit there. They don't even have facial expressions, so there was really, absolutely no point for them being on there at all. I can only imagine they felt really awkward, like...
- Picture of Daft Punk with Pharrell and Nile Rodgers
Todd (VO): "I'm standing here, I have no face, I have no voice, I don't do anything." So poor Daft Punk...I don't know what happened there. Did the whole Colbert thing just spoil everything? Was that what happened? I don't get it.
Todd: Then...let's see. The other t... They started with the big debut from Lady Gaga. That was their big opener, and it was pretty good for an opener, I guess; and they ended with Katy Perry, which was pretty good for a K... for an ending, I guess. Getting the two biggest pop stars in the world making their big...I don't know, what comes after the sophomore slump? The junior slump? Well, it's not a slump. Well, it could be, I don't know. They kept hyping up Katy Perry's new song, it was, like, "the biggest hit of her career!" Dude, that's literally not true and could not possibly be true 'cause it was only released, like, last week.
Honestly, I'm not impressed with either song. I mean, they were decent enough performances, I guess. You know, Lady Gaga's...
- Picture of Lady Gaga performance
Todd (VO): ...got a high standard that she's never gonna ever meet again, I don't think. But...I don't know, they're just kind of disappointing. I'll probably do a review on both of them, at some point. But they're...
Todd: I don't feel like those...either of those are good songs, and certainly they got overshadowed by Miley.
Is there anything else? Oh, yeah. I remember Daft Punk got nominated for an award for "Get Lucky", which..."Get Lucky" doesn't even have a full video. There's no video for "Get Lucky", at least there wasn't last time I checked. That's what the VMAs have become—you can get nominated for a Music Video Award for a song that doesn't even have a music video. Isn't that amazing? Well, I guess it's not.
Was there anything else that mattered? I guess Bruno Mars performed, Drake performed, Kanye performed, they were alright. Taylor Swift...you know, I always thought it was kind of unfair that Taylor Swift gets...
- Clip of Taylor Swift winning Best Female Video
Todd (VO): ...labelled as this, like, man-trashing destroyer of men, which is only a thing that's come about in the last couple years, or even just the last year, this last album,...
Todd: where she gets... Now everyone talks about, how she you know, destroys men, is unfair to men that she dates. And you know, I never thought that was fair. I've seen her be self-critical in her songs too. But I was like, holy God! She was [laughing] very mean during her acceptance speech. That was genuine...
Todd (VO): ...vindictiveness there. If she...if she...if that's an image that she wants to discourage, she certainly didn't show it. Yes, Macklemore performed...
Todd: ..."Same Love". I like "Same Love", I'm not sure it's a great song to be performed live. It doesn't really...it's more powerful for the sentiment than for the actual strength of the rhymes, I think. I'm not the first person to say that, although I do like "Same Love".
And...I guess that's it. Another MTV Awards down the tubes, and I think this will keep it going. This is the first one that people will be talking about since Kanye upstaged Taylor Swift...which God bless that! That bought it a few more years of relevance. The whole Miley Cyrus thing bought it a few more years of relevance, and probably bought Miley a few more years of relevance too. It's just...it's just a shame it was such a ugly, stupid, uncomfortable perform... and we're gonna get think pieces about it for the next few weeks, which...hooray, we're gonna talk about women's bodies because of Miley Cyrus, we're gonna talk about white people using black culture because of Miley Cyrus, and that's gonna rage on for a few...a few more weeks, and Miley... This is probably the biggest moment of Miley Cyrus's entire career, which I am not looking forward to progressing. I can't...
Like, Katy Perry's all an act. Katy Perry is all an act; Lady Gaga is all an act, she makes that work for her that it's an act. Miley Cyrus is not an act, that's who she genuinely is in all its uncomfortableness. And...well, that'll play out in the next few years. I...I don't think it's a disaster for her personally. I wouldn't be surprised if this doesn't... I don't think she's gonna turn out like Lohan. She's gonna be crazy for a few years and straighten herself out, is what...
- One more clip of Miley
Todd (VO): ...I imagine is gonna happen. But it's a disaster artistically, certainly. This is not s...I don't think this is something you want on your resume going forward. Well, you know, it's probably good...it got people talking, so it's good in that sense. But...I don't know, it's not...I don't know if...it's go...if it furthers her career, that's good for her, I guess. But it's not something you're going to be proud of later. That's not...that's not something you want on your highlight reel. Was like... When she looks back at her career, it was like...
Todd: ..."yes, this is the moment I'm most proud of." Let's see how she feels about it in the next couple of years. Let's see. Alright, I'm Todd In The Shadows, and I'm out. Bye.