June 07, 2011
NC: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don’t have to. Remember the movie Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland?
(The movie poster is shown, followed by the word “NO!” on the screen and the sound of a buzzer)
NC: Well, how about the comic strip?
(A page from the comic strip the movie is based on is shown, followed by the word “NO!” on the screen and a buzzer)
NC (voiceover): The opera?
(The poster for the opera is shown, followed by the word “NO!” on the screen and a buzzer)
NC (voiceover): The game?
(The cover for the video game is shown, followed by the word “NO!” on the screen and a buzzer)
NC (voiceover): The frickin’ postcards?
(A postcard is shown, followed by the word “NO!” on the screen and a buzzer)
NC: Well, then! I guess there is no point in reviewing this! Bye!
(He waves goodbye before standing up to leave. The usual end credits start to play until NC is kicked back into the room so that he can sit back down in his seat)
NC: Okay, let me explain.
(Pages from the old Little Nemo comic strip are shown as NC speaks)
NC (voiceover): Little Nemo was a comic strip in the early 1900s. It was about a boy and his adventures in his dreams. It was creative and ran for several years, but that’s not our focus here.
NC: Our focus is on the animated feature!
(The title screen for the movie is shown, followed by a montage of clips from the movie)
NC (voiceover): This is an…interesting little film, and to be fair, you can’t really talk about it unless you go into a little bit of the film’s history. It was supposed to be the big showcase to America of Japan’s great animation studio TMS (aka Tokyo Movie Shinsa Co., Ltd), who you’d later recognize from such works as Tiny Toons, Animaniacs and Batman.
(Douchey McNitpick shows up below NC on the right side of the screen)
Douchey McNitpick: But in your Animaniacs Tribute, you said it was AKOM!
NC: I was WRONG! (He pounds his fist on Douchey, who goes below the screen, but then pops up again)
Douchey: (whispers) Judas! (NC pounds him again, and goes below screen) Ow!
NC (voiceover): It started production in 1982, but was released in 1989. It went through several directors, several writers and several idea men. People like George Lucas, Ray Bradbury, Brad Bird, and Chris Columbus were all involved at some point. Even the world-renowned Hayao Miyazaki was attached to it once, recalling the pleasant production as “The worst experience of his professional career.” (The same quote is posted onscreen)
NC: (laughs) But what street cred does he have?
NC (voiceover): Writers thought they were putting words to the pictures, animators thought they were putting pictures to the words, it was a mess.
NC: But surprisingly, after all this chaos, it still looks like a mess. So, let’s sleep perchance to puke, this is Little Nemo.
(The movie begins)
NC (voiceover): First of all, on this fantasy and whimsical wonder in highly praised animation, just look at how creatively they introduce our credits.
(The opening credits roll against different plain background colors)
Background Singer: Where will you go? Do you know, Little Nemo?
NC (voiceover): Yeah! This is it! This is our adventurous introduction! (sarcastic) Look out! They might be going to purple! Ohhhohohh, the whimsy! (normal) So after that, we start appropriately enough with our hero Nemo.
(Nemo sleeps in bed as the bed floats up, his bedroom window opens, and the bed flies out the window and over the neighborhood (whimsical music from Bedknobs and Broomsticks plays here briefly); Nemo soon wakes up and gasps to see what’s happening)
Nemo: I’m really flying! It…it can’t be! Can it?
NC: ...I don’t know! You haven’t established anything yet!
NC (voiceover): So he’s flying all magical and whatnot, but then the dream takes a sudden dark turn.
(A clock chimes, the bed with Nemo still on it plummets into a dark abyss, and then a train follows the bed in hot pursuit)
NC (voiceover): Little Nemo, entering the charming, magical world of DEATH! You know, most kids films EASE you into the dark stuff. This just fucking throws you in there!
(The cowcatcher on the train comes close to hitting the bed, and the bed wobbles at each hit; Nemo struggles to guide the bed out of the train’s path)
NC (voiceover): Yeah, let’s hear that calming intro music now.
Background Singer: (sings over the intense train chase scene as the train crashes through a wooden boat dock to continue going after Nemo) What kind of dream will you dream, Little Nemo? What kind of dream will be yours tonight?
(Nemo continues running and gasping until he comes up to a house and enters inside it to barricade the door; intercut with Freddy Krueger from Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare playing a video game)
Freddy Krueger: Now I’m playing with power! (He presses a button on his controller)
(The train crashes through the door and Nemo goes flying (Freddy cackles in delight of this); we see Nemo land on a hard surface, and we then cut to him on the floor after falling out of bed)
NC (voiceover): So he wakes up from the dream…and that’s it. They never bring it up again; it’s nowhere to be mentioned. What was the purpose of that?! To show that kids have the ability to dream? Oh, hey, here’s another big shocker: (whispers) Bill Maher might be snobby!
(Cut to a festive parade going on in the neighborhood)
NC (voiceover): So Nemo’s now back in the real world. You can tell by him interacting with his mother, father, flying squirrel with airplane goggles…wait, wha?
Nemo: Come on, Icarus! Let’s go! (He runs outside to go to the parade, and Icarus, a flying squirrel, flies next to him)
NC (voiceover): This is Icarus. Even though all the fantasy stuff happens in his dreams, apparently, a flying squirrel with a verbally challenged Gollum voice has some place in solid reality.
Icarus: Hey, hey! Well, howdy, eh?
(Cut to the parade continuing on)
Barker: (announcing to the crowd) Step right up and see the most amazing show in the world!
NC (voiceover): He goes to see a parade welcoming the circus in town that will no doubt lead to images he’ll see in his dreams.
Ringmaster: (rides on his horse) Would you like a ride?
Nemo: Whee, yes, sir!
NC (voiceover): So if you haven’t guessed yet, most of Nemo’s dialogue consists of “Wow!” and “Yippee!” and... (giggles in delight).
NC: You pretty much get more interesting dialogue out of one of those talking farm animal toys.
(Cut to a See ‘N Say toy; the toy is activated after being pointed to a picture of Nemo who’s labeled as “Schmuck”)
Toy: A bland, undeveloped character says…
Nemo (on the toy): Yippee!
(Back to the movie)
NC (voiceover): So Nemo wants to see the circus, but his father says he’s too busy to take him.
Nemo: (grabs onto his father’s shirttails and pleads) Will you take me to see it? Please, Papa?
Father: Perhaps tomorrow, Nemo. (walks down the stairs into the entry hall)
Mother: (to her husband) Have a wonderful day.
(Nemo and Icarus are at the top of the stairs; Icarus groans in disappointment)
Nemo: (sighs) Oh, gee.
(Fade to black)
NC (voiceover): And I guess that’s it for that scene. Okay, well, we cut to later that night when we see him (Nemo) trying to sneak some pie away pretending to sleepwalk.
(Nemo walks into the kitchen and then sneaks away with the pie pretending to sleepwalk, but then bumps into his mother)
Mother: (takes the pie) Nemo!
(Nemo and Icarus run up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door behind him)
Nemo: Whew! That was close. (He sighs with relief)
(Fade to black)
NC (voiceover): And I guess that’s it for that scene. You know, this movie flows about as smoothly as the Grand Canyon rapids!
(Nemo is asleep in bed as a white light fills the whole window and brightens up the room)
NC (voiceover): But after he goes to sleep, we find he starts dreaming again, and this time, he’s approached by what should have been interesting characters.
Professor Genius: Do I have the honor of addressing Little Nemo?
Professor Genius: I am a professor. I am a genius. You can call me “Professor Genius.”
NC: Well, I find that name obnoxious. And uncreative. I’m going to call you “Obnoxiously Uncreative”.
Professor Genius: We have been sent here on a mission by King Morpheus, the king of Slumberland.
Nemo: King Morpheus?
(Music from The Matrix starts playing before we cut to NC impersonating that movie’s Morpheus, complete with a reflection of Nemo in his glasses)
NC: (as Morpheus from The Matrix) If you take the blue pill, you’ll wake up in your bed believing whatever you want to believe. If you take the red pill, you’ll end up in Slumberland. (pauses) MACHIIIINES!
NC (voiceover): So the king wants Nemo to be the official playmate of his daughter Camille, but Nemo has some reservations.
Nemo: Wait a minute. This princess is a girl?
(NC has an uncomfortable look on his face)
NC: …You sure you want to continue with him being the protagonist, movie? You still have time to switch. I’d much rather see what the father is doing at work.
NC (voiceover): But Nemo agrees and leaves probably the most detailed note explaining what’s going on since the suicide markings from It.
(The note “Gone to Slumberland –Nemo” is left on his pillow; we cut briefly to a clip from It in which Stan Uris left the message “It” on his bathroom tile wall in blood)
NC (voiceover): Yeah! That’ll explain everything!
(Stan Uris’s wife screams in agony before the film fades to black. Back to the movie)
NC (voiceover): They get him on a blimp heading for Slumberland, and this results in the most expressive and uniquely creative of verbal responses.
NC (voiceover): You see? He could have just gone for “Wow”, but instead, he went for “Wow-wee”. Oh, stand back! A little bit more wonderment, and we might get an entire “Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!” out of him!
Blimp Captain: How about taking the helm, Nemo?
NC (voiceover): Uh, no. No, no, you don’t want to do that.
Nemo: (spins the blimp’s wheel) Yippee! Wheee! (The spinning of the wheel causes the blimp to go out of balance; He tries to get the wheel under control) Whoa!
NC (voiceover; as a newsreel announcer): And Little Nemo seems to be piloting and…
(Cut to footage of the Hindenburg crash)
NC (voiceover; as the newsreel announcer): Oh, it burst into flames! It burst into flames! Nemo has killed God knows how many enchanted creatures! This is the worst tragedy ever! Oh, I’m at a loss for words, ladies and gentlemen. What numbnuts actually put a small child in charge of a blimp? I…I simply cannot tell you!
(The footage is paused as the following note is posted onscreen as NC speaks as a different announcer)
Announcer: Note: We are aware that we’ve been using the Hindenburg joke too much, but in this case, we simply found it unavoidable. You will not be seeing this joke ever again.
(The Hindenburg crash footage resumes)
NC (voiceover; as the newsreel announcer): Oh, the humanity! Oh, the whimsical, cuddly humanity!
(Back to the movie)
NC (voiceover): So they make it to Slumberland—which looks like every other fantasy world from every fantasy story—and they try to introduce Nemo to their king.
(The throne spins around to face Nemo, Professor Genius and two guards, and all that’s in the throne is a large kingly robe hung at the top)
Professor Genius: Oh, no! Not again! (to Nemo) Wait here. (to the guards) Search the garden!
NC (voiceover; as Professor Genius): Our king is in another castle! Quick! Find seven toadstools and place them in seven different locations! We have to cover this up as bizarrely as possible! (normal) But Nemo stumbles across the king, who, it appears, is just a big kid at heart; a big, stupid, totally irresponsible kid.
King Morpheus: Now, Nemo, my delightful boy. I have invited you here to become my sole heir.
Nemo: Me, sir?
King Morpheus: Yes, you.
NC: (as King Morpheus) I literally just picked your name from a phone book and liked the way it sounded! I stand by my decision. (smiles)
King Morpheus: And as my heir prince, it is my solemn duty to give you the golden key. (He pulls out a golden key, which sparkles in the light; Nemo wears it around his neck) But I must warn you. There is one door you must never open: the door with this symbol on it. (The symbol is a dragon) You must promise, and this promise, you must never break.
Nemo: I promise. Sir, I promise you.
NC: So when does he break the promise? (The caption “20 Minutes” appears below him) Okay.
NC (voiceover): He then introduces Nemo to his daughter, Princess Camille, wielder of the ever-enchanting on-again off-again British accent.
Princess Camille: It’s just that no one has ever accepted a royal invitation in his underwear.
Nemo: This is not my underwear! These are my pajamas!
Princess Camille: But I believe the royal invitation was for you alone and not for your little rat. (She gestures to Icarus)
Nemo: (groans in frustration and faces Camille) He is NOT a RAT!
NC: (reacts in surprise) Jesus!
Nemo: So I am in my pajamas! So-so what?
NC: (as Nemo, pointing to the camera) Don’t make me actually care about something!
Princess Camille: (takes Nemo by the hand) Come with me, Nemo. I want to show you all of Slumberland.
NC (voiceover): So, you’ll never guess what happens next! They show him some neat stuff and he laughs.
(A musical montage plays of Nemo, Princess Camille, and Icarus exploring different parts of Slumberland and having fun)
Background Singers: Slumberland / Land where wonders never cease!
NC (voiceover; sighs): This whole movie is like watching someone else’s kid at Chuck E. Cheese. You’re happy they’re having fun at first, but soon, you get bored by it, and when you realize you’re stuck there for another hour and a half, you begin to hate that little kid. And his birthday. And Chuck E. Cheese. And the idea of celebrating birthdays altogether! I hope you’re happy, movie! You got me to hate birthdays!
(The montage ends with Nemo laughing)
NC (voiceover): He finally comes across a character that’s as bored as we are called Flip, played by Mickey Rooney.
Mr. Cherrywood (from The Care Bears Movie): The Care Bears. (smiles creepily)
NC: (shudders uncomfortably) Stop cutting to that.
NC (voiceover): He’s (Flip) considered a mischievous character, because he’s committed the terrible crime of wanting to get the plot going. He starts some trouble getting some cops angry at each other, which, in turn, gets them angry at him.
Police Cop: Catch him!
(All the cops chase after the two; The Benny Hill Show theme music begins to play as Flip and Nemo lift up a giant raven and run with it, getting it to take off as they both fly away on it, leaving the cops behind)
NC (voiceover): So they fly around, cause some trouble, weird stuff happens, and…guess where this gets us?
(The caption “NOWHERE!” is shown with “Ta-da!” music on top of NC, and he shoves it down below him)
NC: FUCKING NOWHERE!!
NC (voiceover): But like I said, Flip’s job is to do…well, something, even if it doesn’t make a whole lick of sense. And after hiding underground from the cops, they come across the door the king told him (Nemo) not to open.
Nemo: This looks like the door that the king warned me about.
Flip: What do you mean?
Nemo: He gave me this key, (He shows Flip the golden key) and told me not to open the door with that symbol on it.
Flip: (studies the symbol on the door) Hmmmm. (to Nemo) Let’s open it.
(NC does a facepalm in annoyance)
Nemo: Well…I guess just a little peek won’t hurt.
Flip: Attaboy. (Nemo climbs onto Flip's shoulders to reach the lock)
NC (voiceover): You know, kid, at least Adam (from the Bible) had the excuse that a really hot chick (Eve, from the Bible) told him to do it. All that persuaded you was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Minstrel Show! Don’t any of your brain cells work in a dream?!
(Black demon spirits start to pursue for the door, but Nemo and Flip shut it in time; some of the spirits, though, attempt to break through the door and leak through the sides as smoke)
Nemo: Ahhhh! (turns around to run away) Flip! Wait!
NC (voiceover): So, because Nemo couldn’t handle one thing to do—which was ironically NOT doing anything—the horrible Nightmare King escapes and plots his evil scheme. But, hey, that doesn’t stop Nemo from trying to make it to the important event where he’s crowned prince!
(Nemo marches forward through the crowd)
NC (voiceover; as Nemo, speaks quickly): Oh, by the way, the one thing I was told to do, I didn’t do, and now an unspeakable evil is upon the land. Crown, please!
King Morpheus: (to the crowd) It will be Prince Nemo’s solemn duty to protect Slumberland from the Nightmare King as I have done. The royal scepter, our sole defense, will be passed onto the prince.
NC (voiceover; as King Morpheus): I've explained none of this to him, but I’m sure he will be totally cool with it.
King Morpheus: (takes the prince’s crown and starts to place it on Nemo’s head) I hereby crown you Prince Nemo, royal eminence of all Slumberland.
NC (voiceover): So after Nemo fails to explain that he’s fucked up his princely duties even before he became prince, the king and his people decide to take part in probably the most awkward dancing put to film.
(King Morpheus and Professor Genius dance in strange ways before the crowd and sing and laugh all the while. All throughout this, NC is shown in the living room, also dancing in strange and wacky ways)
NC (voiceover): But the Nightmare King breaks up the party and steals the king away, thus everybody wonders who’s to blame.
Flip: Nemo did it!
Professor Genius: Nemo?
Princess Camille: Nemo?
Nemo: No! No! (He holds the scepter tight as the crowd approaches him in a creepy way, saying “Nemo!” repeatedly, and the film fades to black; Cut to Nemo waking up from his bed) Nooooooo!
NC (voiceover): WHAT?! Are you serious?! You just had him wake up from the dream? What kind of lazy writing is that?!
(Water leaks out from the refrigerator in the kitchen in large gushes, and Nemo runs away from it; as NC speaks, Nemo runs upstairs to his room and barricades the door, but the water breaks through and floods the room)
NC (voiceover): Oh, wait! He’s still in the dream! (pauses) Uh, hold on. Why would you tell a story that has a coherent dream all the way through, except for this one point? I mean, if the dream hops around, that’s fine. I understand. But…you can’t just change the rules in the middle like that! If you’re gonna tell a linear story, tell a linear story! Stick with it! Don’t just jump around! That makes no sense!
NC: I mean, it’s like me in the middle of the review going…
(Cut to NC waking up from his bed)
NC: Ahh! Ahh! Ah-! (He looks around and sighs with relief) Little Nemo was just a dream all along. (A copy of the movie appears next to him, and he looks at it) Oh! It wasn’t a dream. It was real. (He pauses to look at the copy again) Guess I’d better go finish the review.
(He gets up to go to his desk and sit down in his chair)
NC: Wasn’t that pointless? (smiles)
(Cut to Nemo’s bedroom flooding with water, and dramatic music from the trailer of the movie Inception begins to play; Cut to Nemo on his bed spinning around in a giant whirlpool)
NC (voiceover): So his room fills up with water and…somehow that leads him to the middle of the ocean. There, he comes across Professor Genius, who is surprisingly forgiving of the fact that he’s doomed everything that he holds dear.
Nemo: Because of me, it’s all my fault.
Professor Genius: No, no, dear boy. Don’t blame yourself.
NC: (as Professor Genius) Blame the writers who didn’t give you a personality.
NC (voiceover): So they work their way back to Slumberland where it turns out Flip has a map to Nightmare Land, where apparently, the king is being held. So the princess sends all of her strongest armies and toughest warriors into Nightmare Land…
(Cut to a tugboat blowing its whistle; only Nemo, Princess Camille, Professor Genius and Flip are on the tugboat, and Flip is guiding it)
NC (voiceover): …Or just a tugboat—that works, too!—and they try to see if they can locate the king. But they get sucked into a giant whirlpool underwater and…somehow land on water…as it seems they’ve reached their destination of Nightmare Land, where nothing but monsters roam.
(Two webbed hands reach out of the water to grab at Princess Camille’s dress, and she grunts, trying to fight her way out of its grip; soon, two other monsters grab at the dress and try to pull her in; the other members of the group stand there not doing anything)
NC: (as Nemo, pointing at the screen) Let’s continue to just point and look at her!
Princess Camille: Let go of my dress! (She uses her umbrella to whack at the monsters)
(Icarus jumps off Nemo’s head and fights the monsters himself)
NC: (as Nemo) …Continue looking…
Nemo: Help her! Help her! (He and Professor Genius finally run up to help)
NC (voiceover): They get her free, but then come across a group of goblins, who apparently can master shape-shifting and using 1980s cartoon sound effects.
(A quick clip of the goblins shape-shifting and using 1980s sound effects is shown to demonstrate)
Nemo: You’re goblins!
(Icarus makes a loud and long yell that causes the goblins to cover their ears in discomfort)
Goblins: Stop, stop, stop!
(We cut to a clip from Dumb and Dumber with Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey), Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels) and a hitchhiker riding in a van)
Lloyd: (to the hitchhiker) Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? (Pauses) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Hitchhiker: Guys! Guys! Guys!
NC (voiceover): But it turns out these are good goblins, who want to help them out on their quest. After, of course, they sing about it.
Goblins: (sing) Oh, we are the Boomps (boomp, boomp) / Good goblin boomps (boomp, boomp) / We are escapees from Nightmare Land…
NC (voiceover): Interesting trivia here. Apparently, this sequence was originally supposed to be used in Jim Henson’s Labyrinth, (the poster for that movie is shown) but it was quickly dropped when they suddenly decided it was TOO STUPID TO EVEN THINK UP!
Goblins: (after they finish their song) Thank you! Thank you! Oh, boy! We’re going back to work!
NC (voiceover): But the Nightmare King sends a bunch of flying creatures out to get them. Yeah, tell me if this looks familiar.
Princess Camille: Nemo!
Flip: (while being carried away by a couple flying creatures) Hey! Hey, let go of me, will ya, guys?
(Nemo uses his scepter to repeatedly swing it at the flying creatures; Cut to a clip from The Wizard of Oz with the Wicked Witch of the West sending out her flying monkeys)
NC (voiceover; as the Wicked Witch of the West): Sue them, my pretties! Sue, sue, SUE their asses! (cackles)
(Nemo uses his scepter to yell out a spell to make it work against the flying creatures and waves it around; the bulb on the scepter lights up in blue)
Nemo: Shoozama Pajama! Shoozama Pajama! Shoozama Pajama! (Nemo is spun around vertically as he continues chanting) Shoozama Pajama! Shoozama Pajama! Shoozama Pajama! (Cut to Nemo in his pajamas landing on his back on the ground; he gets up to reach skyward) The scepter! (The scene dissolves to him back in his bedroom)
NC (voiceover; sighs): REALLY?! YOU’RE DOING THE BED THING AGAIN?! How many times can you rely on this plot hole?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
(The scepter lands near Nemo and is glowing blue)
NC: Oh, let me guess. “Wow!”
NC (voiceover): Well, this time, the goblins are here to help him. How’d they get there? (speaks in a dumb voice) It’s a dream! Derpy derp! (normal) And they continue to move forward.
Nemo: Off to Nightmare Castle we go!
(The goblins agree and cheer together)
NC: (holds up his fist as if about to do a superhero pose) To incomprehensibility and beyond!
Icarus: (chants) Yay! Little Nemo! Little Nemo!
(The bed’s legs stretch high, and the bed starts to climb out the bedroom window)
NC: Wait, wait, wait. If we’re honestly gonna start from the exact same point again, we might as well do it the right way.
(Cut to a Let’s Play of the Little Nemo video game, starting with a screen labeled “Dream 1: Mushroom Forest” and Nemo jumping into his bed; footage from the movie with Nemo, Icarus and the goblins riding the spider-like bed through the neighborhood plays as the video game square containing the number of lives Nemo has, the amount of keys he’s attained and his life bar are shown below; sound effects from the game are even heard here)
NC (voiceover): So they come across a Skygina…
Nick (from The Langoliers): It’s so beautiful!
NC (voiceover): And…ironically enough, he’s asleep, so he can go through it! It just seems to have a little yeast infection. So they finally make it to the lair of the Nightmare King and see if they can find Morpheus.
NC (voiceover): We finally see the Nightmare King in all his glory, who actually does look pretty badass, despite the fact that he’s a mix between the monster from Bald Mountain and a jackalope. (Images of Chernabog and a jackalope are shown briefly)
Nightmare King: (appears in a giant-size form before our heroes) Give me the scepter, Nemo, and I’ll let you go!
NC (voiceover): I have to admit, though, that voice doesn’t match. Something that size should be legitimately big and booming. This guy sounds like Tim Curry doing evil baby talk.
Nightmare King: Come now, for your own sake. (He starts to taunt Nemo) Give me the scepter, so you can hurry home to your mommy.
NC: (as the Nightmare King, doing baby talk) I’m a pwecious little demonic killer! Yes, I am! Yes, I am!
NC (voiceover): But Nemo uses the scepter and finally remembers the magic words the king said.
(Nemo yells something incoherent as he points the scepter at the Nightmare King; lightning comes out of the scepter and strikes the Nightmare King, causing an explosion that does not destroy the castle, and the whole screen brightens up in white before everything calms down)
NC (voiceover): Uh, no. You have not warranted a silent moment, movie. Nothing you’ve done is big enough that you need to be quiet for a second to let it sink in!
(As everyone watches, the freed King Morpheus uses his scepter to awaken an unconscious Nemo)
NC (voiceover): So everyone is set free and the King uses his scepter to awaken Nemo.
King Morpheus: (to Nemo) Your courage destroyed the Nightmare King, and his evil kingdom is gone forever.
NC: …You…don’t…know that.
NC (voiceover): So Slumberland throws a big parade, Nemo smiles with his mouth open, we get more awkward dancing, and we get surprise wake-up number four.
(Nemo awakens in his room to see his mother come in)
Mother: Ahh. There are so many wonderful things waiting for you today.
Nemo: Well, Mom? Sorry I broke my promise and, uh, took the pie.
NC (voiceover): Ahh, so THAT’S what this whole story was about! Pie! (pauses) Wasn’t worth it!
Nemo: Get ready for what, Papa?
Father: Well, we decided to go to the, uh, circus today.
Nemo: Hot dog! (to Icarus) We’re going to the circus!
Icarus: The circus? Oh, boy!
(Nemo and Icarus dance with joy at the window as the camera pans outside to view the house, then the neighborhood, and finally the entire city as NC speaks)
NC (voiceover): So it ends with Nemo going to the circus! Aren’t you just…thrilled? Aren’t you glad that he’s going to the circus? (pauses) I’m not! I’m really not! I’d rather see him have his first wet dream than watch any of this crap again! THIS WAS STUPID! THIS WAS INCOMPREHENSIBLE!
NC: (pounds his fist on his desk on each word he yells) THIS…WAS…TERRIBLE! But the animation’s nice.
(Clips from the movie are played again as NC speaks)
NC (voiceover): You ever have that friend that had that awesome game system when you were a kid, and you spent all your time at his house playing it, but then—when you really think about it—you don’t even know the kid’s name? That’s this movie. The animation’s really incredible, and it allows for some really creative visuals, but everything else is just so bland and forgettable! The characters are as interesting as toast, the story’s a mess, and a lot of times, the colors are very stale and dark, not allowing for a lot to look at. It had a lot of behind-the-scenes problems, and it really shows. While it can be creative and, like I said, have great animation, it is nevertheless WAY, way, way too flawed. I hate that the film took so long to make and that there were so many problems, because that just makes the final product all the more tragic when it doesn’t work.
NC: And that’s all I gotta say about—
Announcer: Congratulations, Nostalgia Critic! You have gone this whole entire review without making ONE Finding Nemo joke! (The caption “No Finding Nemo JOKES!” is shown below NC and flashes, and he smiles with joy) Congratulations!
NC: (screams with joy) Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! I never felt so loved! Oh! Oh! I’m the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don’t have to! I can’t believe it! (he gets up to leave) It’s unbelievable! (cries, but then stops) Wait, doesn’t this count?
Channel Awesome Tagline—Nemo: Yippee!