(The Disneycember logo is shown, before showing clips from Lightyear. Clips from Buzz Lightyear of Star Command are shown at one point as well)
Doug (vo): Andy's favorite movie, huh? Bullshit. Yeah, everybody knows this isn't Andy's favorite movie. It's not anyone's favorite movie. Lightyear is a weird idea, but it is an idea that I think could have some potential. I mean, I remember reviewing the cartoon show that came out years ago, and that was fun. That's what I think of when I think of Buzz Lightyear, when I see that toy and the adventures he goes on, the Evil Emperor Zurg, that is exactly what I think it would be like. That must be why that show was a hit and this movie was not. And I'll tell you why in great detail, including spoilers. If you want to see my spoiler-free review, go watch Untitled Review Show, but this one, I'm gonna tell you all the dirt about why I just did not like this film.
Story[]
Doug (vo): Buzz Lightyear, played this time by Chris Evans...and, no, honestly, that didn't bother me, 'cause I know this is a different version, and I'm fine getting a different actor for that. I don't think that's a big deal. But he's not doing so fine when him and a colony of people crash-land on a new planet, and they spend years trying to figure out how to get back home. Long story short, they build a spacecraft that's supposed to get them back, but instead keeps sending Buzz into the future by several years. Being, I guess, really stubborn, he keeps taking the mission, going further and further into the future, and he stays the same age, but all his friends and cadets around him keep aging, eventually passing away. After a couple decades on this planet, they finally decide to cancel the mission, but Buzz wants to keep going, with the help of his, I guess, emotion animal, a robotic orange cat who's clearly the best character in the movie. Trouble starts brewing, though, when the Evil Emperor Zurg...although I guess he's not really an emperor in this, or Zur...we'll get to that in a minute...starts taking over the colony, and so he has to recruit a bunch of cadets that clearly aren't ready, and have, I guess, one joke per character that's supposed to define their personality, who all band together to take this machine empire down.
Review[]
Doug (vo): Okay, so, for maybe the first half of this movie, I personally wasn't enjoying it, but I could say, if somebody saw the trailer and got excited for it, it was giving you what it promised. Like I said, when I hear Buzz Lightyear, I do think of that cartoon show. I think it's something really fun and goofy like that, actually exploring other worlds. But, okay, if you want to do this little time travel story where you just stay on one boring-ass planet, but I don't know, it's kind of dark and gritty, and I guess you could argue does look a little bit like a 1995 movie, even down to not really getting the source material right. (The poster for 1994's Street Fighter is shown) I think there'd be an audience for this.
(Clips focusing on the film's villain, Zurg, who is actually an alternate future version of Buzz himself, are shown)
Doug (vo): Where it loses me hard is the reveal of Emperor Zurg, who, like I said, is not an emperor, he's not even really Zurg. He's Buzz from the future. I kept saying to myself, "No. It's a trick. Like, the real Zurg is in there or something. Like, they can't be this stupid. Nobody would want this." But, nope. That's the twist in this. I guess that's their way of getting around Zurg being his father, 'cause it's actually him, like an older version of him? Is that it? (An image of Charlotte Lockwood from Jurassic World Dominion is shown) Why do people think older, younger versions of themselves are, like, mother, daughter, father, son? This is not a good idea. But even taking that out of this, that Zurg as we know him in the toys and the cartoon and everything is not the same Zurg, this is just not well set up.
(Several clips focusing on Buzz Lightyear and his journey are shown)
Doug (vo): I get the idea behind the lesson. The community there has actually gotten used to being on the planet, and the old generation has died off, and now this is their home. Though, yeah, it's a little weird. You're just never gonna go back to the civilization you came home, like, you're just giving up? That's a little odd. But regardless, Buzz is not set up to be the bad guy in this. Yes, he's a little stubborn, but honestly, his character is not interesting or developed enough to be the bad guy in this. When this shows up, like I said, in the last third, it's kind of like in Lost in Space, where suddenly, there's, like, this time travel story and people are grown up and, no, no, this movie was really about this, and it just seems totally out of left field. My guess is, somebody had a time travel story about going into space on a different planet, pretty much the same setup, but then somebody was like, "Hey, we own Buzz Lightyear. Let's make it about Buzz Lightyear." And they had to shoehorn this in. Let me put it this way. If that's not how this came about, I have no idea how this got to this point. None of this seems like Buzz Lightyear, outside of just once in a while saying a quote from Toy Story. Yeah, isn't that great? Man, you really captured Buzz Lightyear. He said those lines, even though the rest of the original story and characters are completely ripped apart and done a huge disservice.
(Several clips focusing on the characters and the film's animation are shown, along with images of another Disney film about to be mentioned)
Doug (vo): With that said, the acting from everyone is okay. The animation's not bad, it's just not that impressive either. What a boring planet to be stuck on. I mean, again, Buzz Lightyear, "To infinity and beyond", well, that's just this one place, and it's not that interesting. What's even really alien about? There's just some vines that move about. That's it. There's another Disney film that came out this year called Strange World, and that's imaginative. Look at this place. There's so many things I want to ask questions about and see how it works, and I just want to jump into this world and explore it. I don't give a shit about this place. It is so bland and underwhelming, and these characters do not help that at all, because they are just as bland and underwhelming. The humor in this movie just doesn't work, aside from the cat. Like I said, the cat is legitimately funny. Nobody had anything interesting to offer. Honestly, a part of me was saying, "Maybe I'd have more fun just watching this planet evolve overtime and then kind of get used to living here, and declaring this their new home. Maybe that would be a more interesting story." And, again, maybe that was the original story. It was just about one guy who couldn't adapt and he was trying to fight against what was just naturally happening and couldn't come to grips with it. I guess it would've been an interesting enough story for a Pixar film, but not a Buzz Lightyear film.
Final thought[]
Doug (vo): I don't know. I didn't hate this movie, but there was very little I enjoyed about it. And to be fair, even watching the trailer, I wasn't that sucked in by it. So, maybe I'm just not the right audience for it. What did you think? Because I didn't grow up with Toy Story. I really loved the original, but I didn't grow up with it, and I think now enough time has passed that there is a whole generation, hell, maybe even a couple generations, that grew up with this as kids and probably have such a strong connection to this character. Hell, people were really upset that Tim Allen wasn't voicing him, and to me, I could kind of care less. Again, it's a different version, so that didn't bother me, but now I'm wondering, if people got upset about that, what did they think about the rest of this film that changed so much? My hope is that Pixar sees this and finally gets the idea, "Oh, maybe this should've been the Disney+ movie and films like Turning Red and Luca are the ones we should've released on the big screen." The original ideas, the ones that people were excited to talk about. I'm really hoping this is kind of an eye opener, because I heard this film did not do that great. Let me know what you think now that time has gone by, and I guess I'll see you next time we go to infinity and...eh.
(The film's final scene, showing Buzz and his new crew blasting off into space on a new mission, is shown)