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Leprechaun

Nc leprechaum revoew by marobot-d31l6lr

Released
October 26, 2010
Running time
20:07
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Commentary

The show opens with the 2010 Nostalgia-Ween intro: a parody of It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown in which a chainsaw massacrist in a hockey mask slices off Linus and Lucy's heads; he then runs off, and the title "NOSTALGIA-WEEN!" zooms toward the viewer; then we crossfade to the Nostalgia Critic dressed like the Cinema Snob

Nostalgia Critic: (In a low, Cinema Snob-esque voice) Hello, I'm the Cinema Snob. If you're like me, what's the first thing you think of when you think of Halloween? That's right! Leprechauns.

Images of various leprechauns are shown as an Irish jig plays

Critic (VO): Most of you would connect this famous icon to St. Patrick's Day. Well, that's because most of you are sheep. Halloween is the holiday to be associated with this mythical creature.

Critic: Don't believe me? Then just check out Leprechaun.

The movie's title screen is shown, followed by a montage of film clips

Critic (VO): Finally, somebody sees these creepy bastards for the little demon-fucks they are. This movie realizes that four-foot men in green hats, pointy shoes and high-pitched voices are the epitome of fear.

Critic: And we're gonna review this little masterpiece right here today—

Suddenly, the real Cinema Snob walks in to sit down next to the Critic

Snob: Uh, excuse me, what do you think you're doing?

Critic: (Beat, then...) I'm the Cinema Snob.

Snob: I'M the Cinema Snob.

Critic: No, I'm the Cinema Snob.

Snob: No, I'M the Cinema Snob!

They both hiss through their deep breath and sigh with a low groan of disgust

Snob: Well, okay. What do you say we (Cut to the film's poster) review this anus turkey together?

Back to the critics

Critic: I would like that.

They both laugh simultaneously, hiss through their deep breath again, and then look at the camera, groaning in disgust; then we cut to the Leprechaun walking down a stairwell

Snob (VO): So it starts off with Warwick Davis as the Leprechaun, looking about as scary as a midget Lady Gaga.

The Leprechaun is now shown sitting next to his pot of gold

Leprechaun: Try as they will and try as they might, who steals me gold... won't live through the night.

Critic: Seriously, this movie is so unbelievably not scary, that it deepens my voice. (speaks lower upon each word) Deeper... and deeper... deeper... and deeperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (Coughs and gets frustrated, resumes to talking normally and slapping a hand on his desk) Goddamnit! I'm sick of this shit! (Puts on his trademark hat) How the hell do you do that voice?

Snob: Years of drinking Crystal Pepsi, my friend.

Critic: ...dick.

Cut to our first shot of Dan O'Grady (Shay Duffin) and his wife (Pamela Mant)

Critic (VO): Alright, so as the credits roll, we see a guy named Dan O'Grady come home from Ireland to North Dakota. Must have been that...big...Ireland-to-North Dakota rush. However, he manages to bring a bag of gold with him.

Dan: Pot of gold! A wee person, a leprechaun! I caught him, and made him show me where his gold is!

As the names "JOHN VOLDSTAD" and "JOHN SANDERFORD" fade in over Mrs. O'Grady

Snob (VO): You know, I'm surprised they're still showing the credits. After that line, I assume everybody would just want their name taken off!

A suitcase opens to reveal evil eyes

Critic (VO): But faster than you can say "Begorra!" the leprechaun appears out of the suitcase and attacks the old lady.

Leprechaun: I want me gold, NOW! (He pushes Mrs. O'Grady down the cellar stairs)
Mrs. O'Grady: My God, NOOOOOOO!

Snob (VO): Oh, come on, he didn't kill her! She's just a fucking clod!

The Leprechaun is now sitting on Dan's chair as he walks in

Leprechaun: Your wife makes a fine pot of tea, Danny me boy.

Critic (VO): But luckily, Danny boy has Irish kryptonite—or, in this case, a four-leaf clover—which, I suppose, weakens him.

Dan: I'll give you more than gold! (He shoots the Leprechaun a few times)
Leprechaun: Your bullets won't stop me forever. I'll keep coming back! (Dan approaches him behind a large wooden crate, then the film crossfades to a shot of Dan picking him up and putting him in a crate)

Critic (VO): Well, wait a minute! What did we miss? Bullets can't hurt him, but then he's suddenly passed out? In fact, why is there even an edit there? They just dissolve to the exact same scene.

Dan: (As he puts the clover atop the crate) The power of this clover will keep you in there forever.

Snob (VO): So O'Grady nails the little guy in a box—and trust me, that's not as exciting as it sounds—but before he can light the fucker on fire, I guess he has a heart attack or something.

The Leprechaun laughs while inside the crate and a thunderclap flashes

Critic: But, wait a minute. If that happened to him, whatever happened to the box?

Snob: Oh, it's OK. He's being looked after by top men. (Tilts his head sideways)

Critic: Who?

Snob: Top... men.

Cut to the final scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark, in which an employee moves a giant crate through a huge storage room; a fake sign for "Notre Dame Fightin' Irish Merchandise" is shown, and then we flash forward

Critic (VO): Cut to a mere 10 years later as we see one of the main characters (Close up of Tory Reding) played by... Jennifer Aniston? She's in this movie?

Snob (VO): Yep! Jennifer Aniston's old career is pretty much like David Schwimmer's current career!

Critic: Alright, just keep the Friends jokes to a minimum.

Snob: I make no promises.

Critic (VO): It turns out Aniston and her father Randy Travis here are staying in North Dakota for a while, and of course, they're staying in the old house where (A close-up of the Leprechaun, shadowed except for one eye) Darby O'Gill's gangbanger is.

Tory Reding: How about...I get a hotel, somewhere in town, and you can come visit? Hey, I'll pay for it!
J.D. Reding (John Sanderford): Honey... you really think...money's all you need to get by in this life?

Critic and Snob: Well, she is Jennifer Aniston.

While on the phone, Tory bumps into Nathan Murphy (Ken Olandt), who spills a paint can

Snob (VO): So she runs into one of the housepainters, played by Jim Carrey Bacon here, as he's part of a (Cut to his fellow workers) painting company called 3 Guys That Paint.

Critic (VO): You'll never guess what they do.

Snob (VO): Paint?!

Critic (VO): No! Make obnoxious comedy relief.

Cut to Alex (Robert Gorman) sitting by the house

Alex: Boy, I could go for a beer right now.
Ozzie (Mark Holton): You're too little to drink. Don't you ever, EVER drink that stuff.
Alex: Hey, Ozzie, what's this? (Points at him in the chest and then flicks Ozzie on the nose) Ah, gotcha! (They both wrestle) Let go!

Snob: (Annoyed) Please tell me they die!

Critic: (Also annoyed) I'll pray for us both.

Critic (VO): So that little twerp—who I swear is the long-haired (Appearing on the left side of the screen is a certain character from EarthBound) version of Ness—is named Alex, who you might remember from Mr. Nanny.

Snob (VO): And Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead.

Critic (VO): Never saw it.

Snob (VO): Good. And that big tub of idiot who's dressed like a race car bed? He's named Ozzie, played by Mark Holton.

Clip of Pee-Wee's Big Adventure

Pee-Wee Herman: Francis!

Tory is now in the cellar

Critic (VO): So we see Jennifer Aniston go downstairs to give Jim Carrey Bacon some juice.

Tory walks very slowly through the cellar until a white sheet falls on top of her, scaring her

Critic: (Waves his arms in the air) CAT!

Snob: (Waves his hands in the air) DOG!

Critic: (Turns toward the Snob) What are you doing?

Snob: I dunno. I just thought we were shouting animals.

Critic: No. Only I may do that.

Snob: Oh. OK.

The Snob puts his hands down before the Critic looks at the camera again to shake his arms with fright; the Snob joins in on waving his hands in the air until the Critic looks at him, the Snob stops, and the Critic shakes his arms again while looking at the camera

Critic (VO): So after Aniston heads back up, Ozzie heads back down swearing he heard something. He accidentally knocks the four-leaf clover over, which gives the Leprechaun back his powers.

Leprechaun: (After he puts his hat back on) Hey, tubby! You got a light for an old leprechaun's pipe? (He notices a bug on his arm, grabs it and eats it)

Snob (VO): Well, it's about as good as most Irish cooking.

Leprechaun: I need me gold!

Cut to Ozzie running out of the house

Critic (VO): So Ozzie tells them all about the leprechaun, but of course, nobody believes him.

Ozzie notices a rainbow passing over across the sky

Ozzie: Hey! Hey, look up in the sky!
Alex: So what, Ozzie? It's just a rainbow.
Ozzie: It's a magic rainbow.

Snob: Shyeah! Can it make this movie good?!

Critic: No-no-no, they said it's a magic rainbow, not a miracle rainbow.

Cut to some wreckage

Snob (VO): So they follow the rainbow to where O'Grady hid the gold when Blimp-Ox here (Ozzie) actually swallows one of the coins. My guess is that he thought there was chocolate inside.

Alex: Do you know what this means? We can get you an operation.
Ozzie: For what?
Alex: To make you smart. See, we can go to the hospital and have them operate to fix your brain.

Critic (VO): What is this, Clovers for Algernon? No operation can make you smart! Hell, if it could, the producers of this movie would have gotten it ages ago!

Snob (VO): Meanwhile, Aniston tries to help paint the house (Cut to underneath the truck, where the Leprechaun feels up her ankle) while the Leprechaun tries topping off her morning.

Tory: (Chuckles) Nathan, come on. What are you doing?

She looks behind to see that Nathan is standing close to the house, far off from where she is standing; she turns back to think that something is amiss, and a "boing" sound effect is heard

Critic: Abbott!

Tory screams with fright and Nathan runs over

Critic (VO): So the Leprechaun attacks both Aniston and her father as they try to get them to the hospital. (They all pile into the 3GTP pickup truck) Hey, is it me, or do you totally want to see a sitcom called (Zoom in on the sign on the truck door) 3 Guys That Paint?

Snob (VO): Yeah, I could actually see that happening. (An acoustic guitar tune starts, and a CBS premiere slide plays) Coming this fall (Selected clips from the movie) to CBS. One's a good-looking painter, one's a bumbling doofus, and the other is the boy with a heart of gold. Top it all off with a psychotic killing leprechaun, and you have the hit family sitcom of the year. (Cut to a title reading...) 3 Guys That Paint. (Title: "WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE? ONLYCBS") Coming this fall on CBS. (Cut to the Leprechaun, with "WELCOME HOME" over it) Welcome home.

The truck drives off

Critic (VO): So as they head to the hospital, the Leprechaun finds a mode of transportation to follow them.

The Leprechaun enters a white storage barn cackling and then leaves on a tricycle

Critic (VO): That's right, folks. This is what's gonna try and scare you throughout the majority of the film. A little guy on a tricycle.

Snob (VO): Hey, at least it's more dignified than playing an Ewok!

Critic (VO): So they take one of the coins to an expert who tells them that the gold is real. He keeps the coin overnight to analyze it some more when he senses something wicked this way comes.

Snob (VO): "Wicked" or "Wicket?"

Critic (VO): Does it matter?

The shop owner (John Voldstad) looks around for a while as spooky music plays

Critic (VO): Oh, don't act like you can build the suspense, movie. You're called Leprechaun!

He opens a safe, and the Leprechaun pops out

Snob (VO): And here, we finally see what this pot of shit looks like.

Critic (VO): Really? That's the scary makeup he's been given? That's not the least bit frightening!

Snob (VO): I know! He was more intimidating in that (Cover for...) kid's film, A Very Unlucky Leprechaun! In fact, (A still of the Leprechaun slides out from behind the cover, which slides to the left to make a side-by-side shot) he's actually scarier-looking in that film!

Critic (VO): You're right! He actually looks more scary in the (Close-ups follow) children's film than he does in the horror film!

Critic: In fact, did we get the right version? (They both shrug in confusion)

Critic (VO): So he (Leprechaun) kills off the store owner by—get a load of this—a fucking pogo stick! (He starts bouncing on the shop owner) Really?! That's the Leprechaun's weapon of choice?

Snob (VO): Hey, don't laugh! My father went the same way.

Shop Owner: NOOOO!!

Audio from the Goofy cartoon Victory Vehicles is dubbed over it

Singers: Hop on your pogo stick, your pogo stick, your pogo stick/Hop on your pogo stick, and hop right through the day

Snob (VO): So the Leprechaun decides it's time for an upgrade. He goes from a small childish tricycle to a small childish Barbie car. (Cut to him in the Barbie car along the highway) Nothing but the finest for this dignified character!

Deputy Tripet (David Pementer) sits in his car eating a doughnut until he sees the Leprechaun driving the mini-car and goes after him to pull him over

Snob (VO): (In an Orson Welles-esque voice) "This may end up killing me, but I just gotta know."

Tripet kicks at the little car, and the Leprechaun growls at him

Tripet: Why don't you take that ridiculous mask off and step out of the car?
Leprechaun: It's not nice to make fun of a leprechaun.
Tripet: Is that so? So now you're a leprechaun, huh?
Leprechaun: Uh-huh.

Tripet chuckles

Snob: Next you're gonna tell me you're gonna end up in space or in the hood!

The Leprechaun claws at Tripet's face

Critic (VO): So the Leprechaun attacks the cop as he runs away to try and hide. I don't blame him; I don't think I could face the world knowing I was beat up by a melting Willow.

Leprechaun: Over here! (He scurries behind one tree, then reappears next to another tree) I'm over here!

Critic (VO): (Sings as the Leprechaun/Tom Bombadil) Oh Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow/Bright blue is his jacket and his boots are yellow

Tripet throws his baton towards the Leprechaun

Snob (VO): Oh, he throws a stick at it?! Is that really what they teach these guys when they come across a supernatural being? Throw a stick at it?!

Critic: (As an officer trainee) Sarge! Sarge! I got a question!

Snob: (As his sergeant) What is it, Callahan?

Critic: What if—now this is totally hypothetical—what if I was attacked by a psychotic killer leprechaun that was trying to kill me?

Snob: I dunno, throw your stick at it.

Critic: Throw my stick at it—right! (Turns to leave, then comes back) What if it's the Easter Bunny?

Snob: Get outta here! (The Critic leaves)

The Leprechaun lands on Tripet's shoulders from above and grabs hold of his head

Critic (VO): (As the officer) Please! Don't let me die while I'm next to your crotch! (The Leprechaun then snaps his neck, killing him) He snaps his neck? Really? I dunno why, I guess I thought he would come up with a more imaginative way of killing this guy.

Snob (VO): Well, they had to keep it somewhat realistic.

The Leprechaun is at the O'Grady house's kitchen, pulling out a stepstool

Leprechaun: Now, where's me pot of gold?

Critic (VO): So he goes back to the house looking for his gold (Pulls a box out of the pantry) as he comes across a cereal called Lucky Clovers.

Snob (VO): Now, I can't imagine why the real Lucky Charms wouldn't want their bright and colorful image attached to this dark and gory horror film.

Critic's Animated Lucky Charms Leprechaun: Ho-hoo! Well, if you need to know the answer, it's magically delic—(Snob smashes the leprechaun with his fist)

Critic: Thank you.

Snob: No problem.

Snob (VO): So he goes into the closet pulling out all the shoes in the house and shining them. Why? I guess he has a shoe fetish. (The main human characters come back) The others return home to find the place in shambles.

As they survey the damage

Tory: This is crazy. What the hell's going on here?
Nathan: Well, it could have been a bear. They sometimes come down from the hills lookin' for food.

Critic: (Scoffs) Yeah. Bears are often known for eating food and shining shoes. (He and the Snob smack their own foreheads)

Critic (VO): So Jim Carrey Bacon goes out to inspect the place when he's caught in a bear trap that the Leprechaun set up. This results in a pretty embarrassing fight scene.

A poorly choreographed fight scene ensues between Tory, Alex, Nathan and the Leprechaun, in which Tory smacks him with a stick, Nathan hits him with a flashlight, and Alex hits him with a rock

Snob (VO): Jesus, this choreography is making (Clip from...) Dolemite look good!

Nathan shoots the Leprechaun, who ends up in a prickly bush

Snob (VO): And now, obvious dumbass line in (A countdown appears on-screen) 3, 2, 1.

Tory: Nathan? That was no fuckin' bear.

Critic and Snob: (While mildly slapping their heads) A-doyyyyyyy!

The humans get in the pickup truck; Tory tries to start it, but it fails

Alex: The distributor cap. (Gets out of the truck)
Tory: Alex, be careful!

Snob (VO): Oh, good! Send the little boy out where the dangerous leprechaun is! Nothing but straight-arrow ethics for these people!

Alex lifts up the hood to find the Leprechaun inside

Alex: Ahhh! Ahh! Let me in! (Scrambles back inside the truck)
Tory: Come on, get in!
Ozzie: (Shuts the door) Lock the doors! (Rolls up the window)
Alex: Ahh! Close the windows! Hurry!

Critic (VO): (As the Leprechaun lunges at them) Oh, yeah, he can appear in a safe, but he can't get through a car window. What is the extent of his lame-ass powers, anyway?

The Leprechaun goes back to the barn, closing the door behind him

Alex: What the heck is he doing in there?

We hear a motor, and then he barges out of the doors on a go-kart

Critic (VO): (Impersonating Mario as a fake title screen appears and Super Mario Kart music plays) It's Mario Kart: Death Race 2000! (The caption "HIT PEDESTRIANS, WIN GOLDEN COINS!" blinks) Don't forget to hit pedestrians to get the golden coins! (As the Leprechaun drives around, Princess Peach and Mario appear in their go-karts out of nowhere, and he hits them both) Ohh, you're a mean motherfucker!

The Leprechaun smashes into the truck, which tumbles over

Critic and Snob (VO): OH, COME ON!

Critic (VO): What, is the truck made out of Styrofoam?!

Snob (VO): My HOT WHEELS don't flip over that easy!

The group is now out of the truck

Leprechaun: Help me, my friends! (Laughs as he chases them, then they slam the door behind them, right onto the Leprechaun's hand, cutting it off)

Critic (VO): Boy, that door must have sharp hinges.

The Leprechaun looks at himself in horror, then as the other hand crawls up and returns itself to his body, the theme from The Addams Family plays

Singers: They're creepy and they're kooky/Mysterious and spooky/They're altogether ooky/The Addams Family

Cut to our heroes

Critic (VO): So Aniston finds out where the boys hid the gold as she goes out to return it to the Leprechaun.

Nathan: (Groans as his injured leg is put up on a table and Tory handles his shotgun) You ever work one of those things before?
Tory: (Cocks her gun) Nope.

Snob (VO): It's okay, just pretend like you're shooting Brad Pitt!

Tory goes out to inspect the well, and the Leprechaun magically appears out of nowhere as the Star Trek: The Next Generation transporter sound effect plays; she screams at the sight of him

Leprechaun: Is that me gold?
Tory: What the hell are you?
Leprechaun: I'm a leprechaun, me dearie.

Critic: (He and the Snob contemplate on this scene and shrug) Yeah.

Snob: Mehhhhhh…

Critic: Yeah, I guess that is kind of a stupid question.

Snob: Uh-huh.

Snob (VO): So he counts his gold over and finds that one coin is still missing. That's the piece that Ozzie has in his stomach.

Leprechaun: He's got me coin! No one takes a leprechaun's gold!

Critic (VO): I don't even get it. What's he gonna do with the gold? It's not like he can just walk into a place and buy a yacht!

Snob (VO): Eh, he'll eBay it.

Critic (VO): What, with gold?

Snob (VO): He'll cash it in.

Critic (VO): What, dressed like that?

Snob (VO): He'll get a disguise.

Critic (VO): What kind of disguise?

Snob (VO): Just shut up, okay?!

Tory: Alex, you gotta get some ice for Ozzie's ear, and boil up some water.
Nathan: I'll cover you.

Alex approaches the refrigerator to open it, and out pops the Leprechaun to attack him

Critic (VO): (In a deep voice) Zuul, Begorra, ZUUL! (Back to normal) So he attacks them some more as they try to call for help.

The kitchen phone rings, and Tory answers it

Tory: Hello? Hello? Help us, please! Come help us! We're trapped inside of here!
Pennywise the Dancing Clown (from It): (Dubbed onto the other end) Do you have Prince Albert in a can? You do? Well, ya better let the poor guy out! Wah-hah! Wah-hah!

Tory hangs up and tears the phone off the wall in anger

Snob (VO): They figure out the only person who can stop him is Dan O'Grady, the guy from the beginning, who apparently is in an old folk's home down the street. (Back outside) But how are they gonna get away from Rumple-shit-skin? Get this: they just throw shoes at him to shine!

The Leprechaun starts shining shoes

Critic (VO): He REALLY has to shine every shoe that he sees? What's wrong with this guy? He has OLD, obsessive leprechaun disorder!

The group drives off in a jeep, then we cut to Tory in the hospital

Critic (VO): They get to the hospital only to discover—what a shock!—the Leprechaun is there waiting there for ‘em! She tries to get away, but—oh, no!—the Leprechaun has a wheelchair!

"Yakety Sax" plays over the ensuing chase scene, which ends with Tory getting inside an elevator and shutting it

Critic (VO): (As the Leprechaun) You will take me seriously!

Snob (VO): So she comes across the O'Grady guy in the elevator (He breaks through the ceiling, with a bloodied face) - or rather, on the elevator - as he tells her how to defeat him.

Dan: Four-leaf clover. Freshly plucked from the clover patch. Beside the well. You gotta put it on his body. It has to touch him. Then you can kill him.

Critic: So what you're saying is, I have to look over a four-leaf clover that I overlooked before.

Critic ducks behind Snob as the audience boos and throws garbage at him

Snob: Ow! Jesus! Oh, Christ!

Critic (VO): So, of course she comes across a bunch of clovers as she tries to find one with four leaves.

As Tory searches through the patch, the Leprechaun's hand grabs her wrist, and she screams

Leprechaun: Little girls shouldn't look for four-leaf clovers.

Snob: (He and Critic shrug in confusion) Is that a saying now?

She runs away and he chases after her, laughing

Critic (VO): I just don't get how we're supposed to find this guy scary.

Snob (VO): Oh, it can work. Just imagine him as a child molester. That'll make him look a little spooky.

Tory screams at the sight of a dead police officer's body in a squad car after she gets inside it

Tory: Oh, my God! No! (Turns around to see the Leprechaun is at the door and screams; then the others arrive, and Nathan shoots the Leprechaun with his shotgun through the squad car

Snob (VO): Her friends knock him out and finally find a four-leaf clover in the field, and it even glows! I'm surprised they didn't find that earlier!

Critic (VO): But the Leprechaun attacks Ozzie trying to get his final coin. Fortunately, the little boy pops up saying probably the most epic line in this movie.

Alex: Hey, Lep!
Leprechaun: (Looks up) Eh?
Alex: (Readies to fire the clover with his slingshot) Fuck you, Lucky Charms!

Critic and Snob are surrounded by a mystical aura, and then they shake themselves off after the aura goes away

Snob: Wow. That was cosmic.

Critic (VO): Yeah, didn't think you'd hear a line that awesome in this movie, did ya? But you did, and it's a masterpiece of writing!

Alex: Fuck you, Lucky Charms! (fires the clover into the Leprechaun's mouth)

Snob (VO): Seriously, that shit is worthy of Schwarzenegger!

Audio from Terminator 2: Judgment Day is dubbed over the scene

The Terminator: Hasta la vista, baby! (A gunshot and broken glass are heard)

Critic (VO): But this does raise the question: How the hell would he even know what Lucky Charms is (Back to the house raid) if they have Lucky Clovers in this world?

Critic: Because when you think about it, it doesn't really make sense with the... (Looks at Snob, who stares at him) I really shouldn't be questioning this, should I?

Snob: No, you should not.

Critic: It's still cosmic. (Snob nods as they both look at the camera and return to being in awe while surrounded by a mystical aura again)

Snob (VO): So just when you think it's dead, the fucking little green goblin refuses to die. This looks like a job for a slug in the face!

Nathan runs up to slug the Leprechaun in the face with the wooden end of his shotgun, making the Leprechaun fall down the well (a Goofy yell is heard here); Nathan takes a gasoline canister, pours the gas down the well, and lights it, causing a massive explosion

Critic (VO): Jesus! That was one unstable leprechaun!

Snob (VO): I guess their blood is made out of fucking nitroglycerin!

Critic (VO): So the Leprechaun is destroyed, the people are safe and they never have to fear about seeing him again.

Snob (VO): That is, until the cum-guzzling (A poster montage for the next five movies) whore known as the Hollywood sequel takes over and pimps it out like a brothel!

Critic: So that was Leprechaun. (He looks at Snob, who looks back at him) I didn't like it.

Snob: Nope, me neither.

The montage from earlier begins

Snob (VO): I mean, do we really have to go into great detail why this movie is bad? The plot's ridiculous, the characters are morons, and... it's a fucking leprechaun!

Critic (VO): I don't know why they thought a little green man would be frightening, but...he's not. He's simply not. The whole plot for this movie sounds like a (A fake poster for the film is shown, with Will Ferrell's stance on the Elf poster replacing the "L" in "Leprechaun" and the tagline "It's not intentionally scary.") Will Ferrell scenario. Nothing about it sounds like a legit horror movie. It's just magically despicable.

Critic: And that's all for Nostalgia-ween! Thanks for watching, and thanks for joining me, Cinema Snob!

Snob: No, thank you for...no, this was a giant waste of time. (Gets up to leave)

Critic: Dickhole.

Snob: You're a dickhole!

Critic: I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to! (Laughs over-the-top as evil laughter plays while both a lightning flash and scary music play as well)

Snob: You're still a dickhole!

Critic: You're a dickhole! (Gets up to leave)

Snob: No, you're a dickhole!

Critic: You're a dickhole!

Snob: Dickhole!

Critic: Dick!

THE END

Channel Awesome Tagline—Alex: Fuck you, Lucky Charms!

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