(The Channel Awesome logo and opening titles play. Then open on a castle, where a Dr. Drakken-like villain (played by NC) has Kim Possible (played by Aiyanna) covered in chains)
Drakken:(laughs evilly) Now, Kim Possible, it appears I have you in my clutches once more!
Kim:(calmly) Well, beats doing homework.
Drakken: Yes. (looks confused) Not one of your better quips, (shakes head) but whatevs. (points offscreen) Shego!
(Shego (played by Heather) stands by, reading a strategy guide for the game Splinter Cell; it's covering her face)
Drakken: Use the laser beam to blast her to itsy-Kimmy pieces!
Shego:(putting down guide, revealing her face, and looking frustrated) Why? It's just literally going to backfire like everything else.
Drakken: You know, this is why you didn't get a gift for Administrative Professionals Day.
(Shego lazily presses a button on the nearby panel, which activates a metal gun that aims at Kim. Drakken laughs maniacally)
Kim: Well, you know what they say: laser beam there, done that.
Drakken: Okay, I really don't remember your one-liners being so dollar-store.
(A crash sound is heard, and a girl named Athena (played by Tamara) jumps in, wearing a purple shirt)
Shego:(puts the guide away, annoyed) What? Who's this?
Athena: I'm Athena, Kim's new sidekick.
Drakken: What?! You're not a regular! Where's Ron Stoppable?
(Athena takes out a phone, on which we hear a voice)
Ron (voiced by Doug):(via phone) KP, I ate my own feet.
Shego: Wow, was he always that useless?
Drakken: Shego! Make her go green!
(As Drakken laughs, Shego makes a blast with her powers, but Athena takes out a mirror which reflects the blow, redirecting it into Kim's chains, destroying them)
(Shego presses another button on the panel. Athena quickly grabs Kim and runs away before they are hit by a gun. Shego grunts in annoyance)
Drakken: Ooh! You may have won this round, but brace the fire of my diabolical-
(Suddenly, he sees Kim crying loudly in Athena's arms)
Drakken:(confused) What? What is this? What's happening?
Athena: Can't you see she's upset that someone saved the day cooler than her?!
Kim:(in tears) Yeah, that trick with the mirror was, like, so cool! And everyone at school's gonna think (gestures towards Athena) you're the big hero!
Drakken: That was, like...one cool thing she did. You have years of cool things you did. Nobody at school is gonna care!
Kim:(grabs a mirror from Athena) Tell Shego to blast me again!
Drakken: Come again?
Kim: I'm putting this mission in jeopardy just so I can get the glory!
Drakken: Okay, kid, don't take this the wrong way, but you're, like, "totes pathets" right now. You used to be more of a challenge!
Kim: No! I want the attention! I want the attention...! (continues bawling)
(And then NC breaks character)
NC: Okay, timeout.
Director (Malcolm): Cut! (A studio bell is heard ringing as he comes in, wearing sunglasses) Critic, what is it?
Kim:(now calm) Yeah, what's going on?
NC: Well, um, when I said I wanted to recreate KimPossible, I thought we were actually going to...recreate Kim Possible.
Director: Critic, you need to chillax out, baby. This is totally Kim Possible.
NC: Is it? It sure doesn't feel that way.
(The footage from the popular 2000s show is played, mostly focusing on two TV movies)
NC (vo): I remember Kim Possible being an early 2000s Disney series that was a satire of spy and superhero cliches. While it was mainly for kids, it had a ton of tongue-in-cheek humor for adults. With hilarious villains, a unique art style, and at the center, a hero everybody wanted to be: cool, confident, had all the one-liners and always finding fun ways to kick ass.
Director: Critic, you don't understand. This is the new Kim Possible.
NC: New Kim Possible?
Athena: Yeah, a more emotional Kim, high school drama, new sidekicks...
NC: New sidekicks? What happened to the one you had before?
(Athena takes out a phone again)
Ron:(via phone) KP, I'm in my own stomach. Save me.
NC: This is gonna suck, isn't it?
Director: This is Disney, baby.
Kim:(smiling) Yeah, when they have done anything wrong recently?
(All three shrug at NC, who glances at the camera, understanding this will be hard to sit through. The title for the 2019 Kim Possible movie is shown, followed by clips)
NC (vo):Kim Possible: The Movie premiered on the Disney Channel in February of 2019, 17 years after the premiere of the hit animated show. The fans were skeptical, though they tried to keep an open mind, as it kind of looked like the show, seemed to follow the same ideas. Plus, it's the same channel that made it before. That's gotta be a good sign when the same creative force goes back to a nostalgic property, (Photos of Steven Spielberg, Ridley Scott, John Landis and George Lucas are shown) right? Right? Right?! RIGHT--?!! When it did premiere, fans were less than Kim-pressed, with many calling at a slower, awkward and unfunny rendition of the crime-fighting teen they grew up with. I'll only admit, I only started really watching Kim Possible about a year ago, so I don't really have the nostalgia goggles a lot of other fans may have. I know it's a kids' show, I know changes need to be made for live-action, and I'm open to a different interpretation, if it works.
NC:(returns to his usual spot in his normal attire) But that indeed raises the question: does it work?
(Cut to the director and Athena calming down the sobbing Kim in the doors)
Director: Baby, don't listen to him! You're empowering kids everywhere!
Athena: That's right. Now, how about a makeover?
Kim:(happily) Ooh! I love makeovers! (The three cheerfully skip away)
Director: Oh, baby, yeah!
NC:(sighs in disappointment) This is the Kim Possible movie.
(The movie starts)
NC (vo): The film opens from a narration from Kim.
Kim:(narrating) A few years ago, I accidentally received a distress call. I was done with my homework, so...I answered it.
NC:(as Kim) Bearing in mind if I wasn't, I'd just let people die.
(Professor Dementor, who's played by Patton Oswalt (the actor who voiced the character in the original show), approaches the captured Dr. Glopman (Patrick Sabongui), a scientist who has the disintegrating slime he needs)
NC (vo): Oh, someone had a kid who watched the show and wouldn't talk to him unless he was in the movie version.
Dementor:(with a German accent) Success! The world is mine!
NC (vo): Patton Oswalt plays Professor Dementor. A different-looking, but still pretty authentic representation of the original.
NC (vo): In animation, Disney allows their cool characters to be...well, animated, with big expressions, wild takes, and an understanding that in order to be funny, you have to either have a mocking cynical edge, a relatable vulnerability that can be mocked, or both.
NC (vo): Their live-action cool characters don't usually do that, especially on the Disney Channel. They're more like role models you'd see on Full House: bland and forgettable. There's one to two exceptions that work in a little bit more extreme goofiness, but, for the most part, they have to stay in the harmless Disney mold.
(Clips of Kim in the original show are played)
NC (vo): Now, that's not to say Kim was deep or complex, but she was essentially Superman or James Bond, the cool person who did cool things you aspired to be.
NC: But you want to be that person because she leaves an impression on you.
NC (vo): Kim could get angry, cynical, paranoid, which not only made her funny, but made her all the more cool when she overcame those weaknesses.
(Back to the film)
NC (vo): This is just a generic happy teen, someone you forget, even if she did save you from a top of radioactive slime.
(We cut to a later scene)
Kim: Come on, doc, we gotta get out of here.
NC:(as Glopman, cheerfully, then quizzically) Thank you...I want to say...Jeff?
(Ron Stoppable, played by Sean Giambrone, arrives to help Kim)
NC (vo): Ron Stoppable, ironically, is the exact opposite problem. He's actually too good. This kid's impression is insane.
NC: If you were to close your eyes and listen to him and the voice actor, you couldn't tell which was which!
Ron (Live-Action): When I told you that one time I'd jump off a cliff for you, I didn't expect it to happen.
Ron (Animated): Why not be more like me, relaxed, laid-back?
Ron (Live-Action):(livestreaming) This is Kim Possible. We're both a little cranky after saving the world last night.
Ron (Animated): They're writing something in finger paint. Uh, is that how that's spelled?
NC (vo): But that's the thing. This isn't a cartoon, it's live-action. And a voice in a cartoon and a voice in real life are two very different things. Ron's voice, even in animation, was a lot to take in. But it always balanced out, because the writing for him was still clever enough to get a laugh.
(The clip from an episode "Big Job" is shown, with Ron interrupting Kim and Shego's fight by driving in a car)
Ron: Kim, I'll keep circling, there's nowhere to park! (drives off)
Shego:(to Kim) You, too?
NC (vo): The writing for him here...how do I say this?...hurts.
(In the film, we cut to a later clip of Ron in Bueno Nacho)
Ron: I don't know if you know this about me, but when I grow up, I want to be a dog.